Worth Fighting For
by Lunaschild2016
Summary: ****12/31/18 Under Edit, Rewrite and Repost under new title**** Committed to their city and faction, both were driven by their pasts and loyalties. Duty and orders were no longer enough and they both found more than they had hoped for. They found something worth fighting for. Eric/OC Divergent AU (Language, Romance, Sexual Content, Angst, Tragedy)
1. Begin At The End

**A/N: This story is completed and I will be posting a chapter or two a week at least. During that time I will be working on one of my stories and completing it before I start posting it. It is an experiment I am doing after taking time away from writing alltogether while dealing with real life responsibilities. I am in the process of moving and it is summer so have events and things to go to. This way I still get stories I love out and get to work on others that need to be worked on without pressure to get chapters posted right away. I really hope you enjoy this story. Kat and Eric really took me over and wanted to get their story out.**

 **No here is more about the story and first chapter!**

 ** _The Choosing age has changed twice since Eric and Four joined Dauntless at sixteen. First it went to eighteen and then two years before our story starts it was changed yet again by the orders of Marcus Eaton to the age of twenty. Eric and Four have been members of dauntless for just over eight years at the start of the story. The last two years before choosing the dependents were kept to doing faction oriented duties._**

 ** _There is no Caleb in this story. Beatrice is the older sister by the same amount of time that Caleb was to her. All characters might be a bit OOC because this an AU and timeline._**

 ** _Lots of twists and turns in this! Hope you enjoy!_**

 ** _Eric Coulter: 24, Dauntless Leader, transferred from Erudite at 16. (Jai Courtney-original cast member)_**

 ** _Kat Prior, 20, Initiate, transferred from Abnegation at 20 (Chloe Grace Moretz)_**

 ** _Chase Oldham, 24, Dauntless Training Instructor/Intel Ops Officer, transferred from Candor at 16 (Liam Hemsworth)_**

 ** _Tris Prior, 20 (almost 21), Initiate, transferred from Abnegation at 20 (Shailene Woodley-original cast member)_**

 ** _Tobias 'Four' Eaton, 24, Dauntless Instructor/Control Room Officer, transferred from Abnegation at 16 (Theo James- original cast member)_**

 ** _Zach Godfrey, 25, Dauntless Legal Liaison Officer, transferred from Candor at 16 (Aaron Taylor-Johnson)_**

 ** _Zeke Pedrad, 24, Dauntless Intel/Control Ops Officer, Dauntless-born had choosing at 16 (Charles Michael Davis)_**

 ** _Uriah Pedrad, 20, Initiate, Dauntless-born (Keiynan Lonsdale - original cast member)_**

 ** _Marlene Banks, 20, Initiate, Dauntless-born (Suki Waterhouse-original cast member)_**

 ** _Lynn Morrison, 20, Initiate, Dauntless-born (Rosa Salazar-original cast member)_**

 ** _Max Cornell, 48, Dauntless Senior Leader, Dauntless-born had choosing at 16 (Idris Elba)_**

 ** _Christina Stevenson, 20, Initiate, transferred from Candor at 20 (Zoe Kravitz -original cast member)_**

 ** _Will Madsen, 20, Initiate, transferred from Erudite at 20, (Ben Lloyd-Hughes-original cast member)_**

 ** _Tori, 32, Dauntless Tattoo Artist, transferred from Erudite at 16 (Maggie Q-original cast member)_**

 ** _Bud, 44, Tattoo Shop Owner/Artist, Dauntless-born choosing at 16 (Sebastian Roche)_**

 _So hard to let go_

 _And I still hear the sound_

 _Of your voice singin' in my head_

 _I can't surrender_

' _Cause the ropes slowly coming apart_

 _But hangin' by a thread_

 _It's gone on_

 _For too long_

 _And this is it_

 _So take a look into my eyes one last time_

 _So we never forget_

 _The way we were before_

 _When we came alive at the moment we met_

 _This is still worth fighting_

 _Still worth fighting for_

 _A glass that's half empty_

 _Won't wash away the mistakes_

 _It only makes a mess_

 _It's worth defending_

 _A tiny glimpse it would take_

 _To make us better yet_

 _It's gone on_

 _For too long_

 _And this is it_

 _So take a look into my eyes one last time_

 _So we never forget_

 _The way we were before_

 _When we came alive at the moment we met_

 _This is still worth fighting for_

 _A love that wants to live_

 _I'll give you all I've got to give_

 _So let's try one last time_

 _So we never forget_

 _This is still worth fighting_

 _Still worth fight for_

 _Now that we know just who we are_

 _Now that we've finally come this far_

 _I'm ready for one more battle scar_

' _Cause this is still worth fighting for_

 _[Still Worth Fighting For; My Darkest Days]_

 **Chapter 1 - Begin At The End**

 _Third Person: Candor Complex, Final Justice Annex_

In a cold, sterile room made of white marble with swirls of black covering the walls and floor was a chair of black leather. The only piece of furniture in the center of the stark room, similar in shape to that of a dentist chair.

Strapped to the chair was a man clothed all in black. The first time he had been allowed to wear the colors of his faction since his own arrest a week and a half ago. A small gesture from those leaders that disagreed with what would be happening today.

Maybe it was supposed a kindness or a show of support. Just like their insistence that they still be allowed to be the ones to proceed with his sentence, his execution. It was ironic really that at the end of it all he was finally getting the respect from the faction he had always given everything to. A respect he had never received during his close to nine years there, no matter what he did or gave before. In the end...he was giving his life.

But it hadn't been all for them or even the city. He was still selfish enough to admit that freely.

' _Was it worth it, Eric? Betraying your faction? Your city? Was she worth it, Coulter?'_

The bitter and taunting words of a deranged woman from her own cell when his sentence had been pronounced reverberated through his head.

Movement around him draws his attention as the forms of the leader's council come into view. The Dauntless surround him but the noted absence of one brings to him relief and pain. Four of the five current leaders take their places to either side of him while the rest of the faction leaders take up places on the outer edges.

One Erudite, Cara he thinks as he remembers her name, steps forward to join the Dauntless. In her hand she holds the instrument of his death. A locked box containing the death serum they had pronounced would be used on him instead of being allowed the death of a Dauntless, the customary bullet to the brain. The reasoning was that since all five of the Dauntless leaders had voted Not Guilty that it wasn't a true Dauntless execution.

It was all just bullshit and another way to try and make him pay for the crimes he committed, yes, but also the ones the other leaders wouldn't hold themselves responsible for.

"Eric Coulter, for the crimes committed against your city, your faction and humanity; you have been sentenced to death by injection of the Erudite death serum. This will be carried out by one of the Dauntless leaders, per permission of this council. Will the chosen for the proceedings step forward." Jack Kang's voice rings out from the side of the room.

Instantly Eric goes tense and a growl erupts from him as the petite blonde steps forward. "Not her!" He barks out commandingly. "Anyone but her."

"Eric.." She starts to object, tears in her eyes as she continues to step forward.

He tosses his head from side to side, lips thinned and red in anger. "Not happening, Tris. You know you can't do this. She will never fucking forgive you. Not like this...not after all the shit I…" He stops and takes a deep breath. "She can't lose her sister too."

Tris bites her lip and looks away nodding, knowing he is right but knowing her duty.

"Fuck it. I volunteer in her stead." Four steps forward holding Eric's eyes showing him he understands and will take care of it. Knowing that he risks losing his oldest and best friend for this.

Eric flashes a grateful look and relaxes back into the chair while Four puts a comforting hand on Tris' shoulder to move her back but she shakes her head and raises her chin.

Her eyes flash with fire, a look he knows so well and it is comforting to see even if the color of her fire is off from the one he loves so much.

"She wanted to be here….but after the trial and then…" Tris trails off and Eric chuckles wryly knowing exactly why her sister wasn't allowed into this room.

"Unless you want to add to the body count this was the only way to go." Eric agrees.

There is a clearing of the throat and then Jack Kang speaks again. "Do you have any last words?"

There is a pause while they allow him to gather himself, or just give him time to speak if he is going to. The words of a deranged and enraged Jeanine Matthews were still ringing through his mind and a slow smile crossed his face. Not the cruel or wicked smile he was a legend for. This was _her_ smile. The one that was only for her and could only be brought forward by her or thoughts of her.

They flooded him now. Their first meeting to their last kiss. And he answers the question that had been in his mind from the day she stepped on his roof.

"She is worth it. She and we, were worth fighting for. I found my reason and my purpose, something greater than myself. I can live with it...the blood on my hands...because I know it all comes down to her and those she cares about being safe." Then Eric's face turned hard, more into the expression everyone who knew the ruthless and fierce ex-leader would expect him to have. "Don't fuck up this second chance." His tone rings with a command that sends chills through the other leaders but amusement and pride through those in black.

The rest of the world fades away for him as he tunes it all out. He doesn't see the room around him anymore as the murmured 'be brave' motto of their faction comes from the four to his sides. He doesn't feel anything as Cara and Four begin to prep his neck for the injection.

All his senses and thoughts are on a playback mode. Starting from the day that changed his life forever and the course of the city. It occurs to him during this that it had started for them much earlier than that day she jumped from the train into his life. It began with the promise of a ten year old girl to set things right. Pride and love burn through him along with the pain of the modified serum.

"You did it angel. You kept your promise." Eric's final words were a whisper on his last breathe and a smile twisting his lips.


	2. Reflections Of Time

**A/N: As always I would appreciate any feedback you might have. Thanks for everyone who has supported me.**

 **A special thanks to two people. sleepy1177, love you sis, your support has meant the world. DYK...there are no words to express what your friendship and support mean. This story is for you...all those brainstorming sessions, you talking me off the ledge and silliness have helped to shape these characters and the story. Thanks for coming along for the ride with me, I did promise you a crazy story so hopefully this fits the bill.**

 **Chapter 2- Reflections Of Time**

 _Eric-Choosing Day: Roughly one year ago_

Whispers of silk moving against silk. Muffled gasps and moans. Flashes of delectable skin, so close and charged with a heat that called to me. These sensory images haunted me through my nights, leaving me in a tangled mess of my own making in bed. The space beside me remained cold but in those dreams it burned with the heat of passion. A passion I could never imagine existed and if ever asked would deny I would even want. Because what those images, those nightmares I was coming to call them, brought forth in me was a terrible burning in my soul and heart. A feeling of being so complete and of such rapture that the cold light of day left me a broken husk of a man.

Very few, two to be exact, had ever seen me any other way than the face I presented to all others at all times. Lately though, even they don't get to see any semblance of the man behind the mask because that mask is slowly seeping into every part of me.

At twenty four years old I felt a man of eighty. The weight of a faction, no an entire fucking city, seems to be pressing down on me. Now I know why Max was reluctant to make me leader even with pressure from Jeanine. He had needed to know I wasn't in it just for Jeanine because if I was then this pressure would make me snap. It would break me. It is trying to break me and it scares the shit out of me everyday how close it is coming to doing just that.

The screeching of the digital alarm clock on my bedside table alerts me that I need to get my butt in gear and get ready to face another day. One of the worst days of my year was about to start and I needed the coffee to be able to deal with this. So I began my day with a cup of coffee in my apartment, then went to the meetings that would take up most of the morning before the new initiates arrived. It messed up my normal routine so that was another reason to add to my foul mood.

Chase slid a breakfast sandwich across to me when he took his place at the conference table. "Zach put a couple of these together for us this morning since we couldn't do the normal thing." He mumbled around a large bite he had just taken of his own.

"Thanks." I nodded and took a bite while looking over notes and waiting for the meeting to start. Lauren breezed in, late as usual, causing all of us to scowl but Chase even more since he was the one stuck with her for training the Dauntless born.

It was the same shit from every year although there were some new rules that were being implemented. Cuts were being made, steep cuts. I rubbed the bridge of my nose as Four spoke up about his displeasure in regards to the cuts and fighting changes. He kept shooting glares at me, as always pinning all this shit on me. Never mind there were four other leaders sitting around this table that were just as responsible for passing the new rules and Max the senior leader that had final say.

Chase shot me a look telling me to keep it cool as I looked away and clenched my fists on the table. You would think after over seven years of having to deal with each other we could move past old shit but that wasn't going to happen with me and Four. At times I wish with all my being that I had been able to prove my suspicions about him. Get him out of the picture all together.

With a sigh I crack my neck and focus back on the meeting. It was going to be a long hour until the meeting broke and we could all finally head to greet the new blood.

*****Page Break*****

The four or five Dauntless members that stood on the roof waiting for the train took bets on what kind of mix we would see in the initiates this year. We tossed around predictions on what faction the first jumper would be from and what faction would likely be the last jumper.

The Choosing Ceremony had been over for a while now but it took a good hour for the train to make it's way to the jumping point. Max had called that it should be appearing within the next five minutes or so.

Max was handling greeting initiates this year. He decided this because two years ago, before the choosing age changed once more from eighteen to twenty, I had lost patience after no one had volunteered. I had just decided to toss the first person near me over the ledge. While it had been amusing and we were looking to inspire a little fear in the initiates, that apparently wasn't exactly the fear the other leaders had been looking for. It had felt fantastic for all of three minutes and then it felt just as hollow as everything else felt to me lately.

I was glad to hand that particular duty over to him. I had enough on my plate to deal with between being in charge of overseeing training as well as the multitude of meetings I have to attend normally. Not to mention that I am expected to just drop everything and go running to Matthews when she quirks her finger for us to. It was exhausting, annoying and my mood that wasn't great in the best of times was anything but mellow these days.

"Train is approaching!" Someone called out and Chase nudged me.

"Remember the bet. The first jumper is going to be a Candor this year." Chase said firmly as he was pulling for his former faction.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. It still surprised the shit out of me that I had become best friends with two former Mouth's. Chase is the only friend besides Zach that could claim to know anything about me or see any other side of me besides what the rest of the faction and city saw.

"Dauntless born. It is always Dauntless born lately." I said with a slight proud smirk. I had been the last non Dauntless-born first jumper and that was close to eight years ago when I transferred in at a time when the choosing age was still sixteen.

Chase chuckles and shakes his head at my look. Then we hear it, the train as it makes its way towards us. It slows slightly as it comes around the corner that is just before the row of roofs that are all part of the compound. It is the only concession we made here. We slowed the train enough that it gave time for all the jumpers to take their turn.

The first car is usually only the Dauntless members that have gone to the ceremony in either an official capacity or because they had family choosing. Some stay on the roof after they make their jump. Some of them go to the area where the net is to wait and see the initiates jump. Most of the others go on about their day or duties or start partying.

Dauntless-born came next, interspersed with transfers. At first I saw the normal mix of Erudite and Candor in among the Dauntless-born. Then my eye was caught by two that seemed to be in some kind of stand off.

What had my eyebrows in my hairline was the fact that the two involved were a Candor boy and a Abnegation girl. From the look on the Candor guys face I was fully expecting to see a grey splatter on the ground in seconds. So I was more than taken by surprise by what happened next.

The Abnegation girl got a brief flash of a snarl before it turned into a wicked smile and _she_ shoved the _Candor_ from the train and to the roof. There were calls of surprise and laughter as he fell straight to the roof with surprising force and accuracy, a girly shriek tearing from him as he fell.

"Are you seeing this?" Chase said in gasped laughter and disbelief. Because directly after she had shoved the Mouth, she had laughed, smirked and then leaped out herself.

She went into a tuck and roll then popped up brushing herself off as if she had just gotten a little dust on her jacket and she hadn't just jumped from a moving locomotive onto a seven story roof. I might have been amazed by that alone but that isn't what held me practically spellbound at the moment. It was her face, her smile and this glow she had about her. She was stunning and I felt as if the wind was being taken from me but at the same time, life was being breathed into me.

She looked like no damn Abnegation I had ever seen. She might have her hair up and the grey on but it all faded away. I also couldn't help but look at each of her features and I swear to gods she was wearing some kind of makeup, but that couldn't be possible.

Chase elbows me but when I look to him, I see his own eyes are locked onto her just as much as mine had just been. That gets broken when we see a Candor girl built like an Amazon storm up to her with a scowl on her face.

"You could have killed him!" The Amazonian screeches out and goes to put her hands on the not so stiff, stiff. She just rolls her eyes and side steps the attack, causing the girl to stumble and trip to the ground.

"I could only hope to be so damn lucky." She mutters but it isn't quiet and wouldn't matter if she had been because all attention seems to be on her anyways. I know all of my attention is on her. I can't even help the smirk that tilts my lips up as Chase snorts. "And if you were observing closely, I aimed him precisely where I wanted him to hit with the perfect amount of force. Enough to make him scream like the little bitch he is but not enough to kill him."

She pauses and sighs dejectedly. "I am still up in the air on whether I did him a favor or all the rest of us a disservice. Time will tell though." With that she shrugs as if she really was torn about her decision and moves off.

Another Abnegation girl had just careened to the roof, holding the hand of a Candor girl and she approached her.

"Are we just being fucking invaded here?" I mutter out but still can't take my eyes off of the first girl.

"Mary Katherine! Did you have to push him? He wasn't going to hurt me." The other girl admonishes my stiff….Mary Katherine? Gods, I hate that fucking name! I smirk a little when she winces and grimaces as soon as it is uttered.

She brushes off the gravel of the other girls jacket, frowning at a tear and cut on her arm. "First of all, I was helping him get over his obvious feelings of inadequacy. Shown by his need to fuck with you." She gave the other girl a pointed look before she continued. "Second of all, yes he would have. If you think different _Beatrice_ , then you are in for a world of hurt during initiation. Ask your friend here. I am sure she could tell you about the new resident dick of Dauntless."

She isn't wrong there. One look at the glare the Candor and his two friends are throwing to the girls shows they are going to be going for the weakest to make themselves look better.

"Last of all," she continues in a frustrated voice that still sounds musical "please do _not_ call me by that travesty of a name. I am and have only ever responded to Kat for years now. If you are smart you will change yours too, Bea. I mean unless you just _want_ to live with an instant chastity belt tethered to you."

The Candor girls mouth drops open while the other abnegation turns red and gasps. "Mary Katherine!"

There are sputters of laughter all over and I look over to Chase who is holding in a laugh.

Kat rolls her eyes and sighs. "Lighten up Bea. It was a joke...sort of." She sighs and shakes her head. "I really do think, dear sister, our parents chose our names as an instant abstinence tactic though. Do they teach that in Abnegation initiation you think?" She assumes the normal Abnegation 'stick up their ass' posture and her face takes on a mask as she takes a breath. "By the way fellow Stiffs; someday you will lay with a man or a woman and produce a new little stiff. We expect you to keep the tradition of leg locking names alive."

She says this all in an almost perfect imitation of the condescending tone of Marcus Eaton. Ripples of laughter make the way along the roof and while I don't laugh, I crack the first smile I have let loose in a very, very long time it seems. I shake my head in wonder at this strange and refreshing girl while Chase is holding his stomach he is laughing so hard.

All laughter or chatter is cut short when there is a strangled scream followed by a more pronounced one. I know before I even look over to the Dauntless born pulling the girl from the edge what it means. I also know I am going to be the one to have to deal with it as well.

Max looks to both Chase and I, causing me to sigh and nod. I elbow Chase and I can't help but notice that his eyes and head crane to get one more last look at the girl I think we both want to stay and watch. I have a duty to take care of so I can only watch as Kat had walked away from her sister to join a group of Dauntless-born who seem to know her and had been waving her over.

My very last look just before I went into the stairwell was of her being pulled into a hug by the three of them, one being a Pedrad. My scowl at having to leave deepened at the look of affection on Uriah Pedrad's face before I lost sight of her completely.


	3. You Sure You're A Stiff?

**A/N: Last post of a chapter at least for the night! I hope you guys are enjoying. It will switch between Eric and Kat's POV. Also...there will be more Tris interaction later on but it is explained why that starts off slow.**

 **Chapter 3 - You sure you're a stiff?**

It took a while to get the young Dauntless-born that hadn't made the jump off the pavement then I had to deal with the sister and hunt down the rest of the family. Chase had taken over with Rita, the sister to the young woman that hadn't made it. She would be given a chance to jump later during the day after she calmed down, if she choose to continue on.

I was late to the welcoming lunch and my mind had been split during the whole time. "Resident dick of Dauntless" kept playing in my mind and the thought that Kat was in for a surprise if she thought the Candor transfer had anything on that title compared to me.

I didn't care normally. I shouldn't care but for some reason I cared very much that she was going to see me that way. That she was going to look at me with just as much fear, disgust or barely contained disdain as the other initiates from years previous. How could she not when I knew exactly how I was going to treat her and every other initiate. There could be no favorites, no slack and no weakness allowed. The odds of her coming from Abnegation and not being the weakest were very slim.

I shoved those thoughts aside as I made my way to the dining hall. I hadn't even found out who jumped first or been able to see it for myself. Now I had to go find Four and pass along a message to him from Max. That just made my mood sour from the brief lift it had on the roof with Kat. The only good part of that was that I might be able to see or interact with her. When I finally did reach the table the only stiff sitting by number boy was not the one I was looking for.

I passed my message along as fast as I could but couldn't help taunting the stiff girl and Four at the same time. It didn't cross my mind until after I had clapped Four on the back much harder than needed, that I didn't count Kat in that taunt or even as a stiff. I frowned and went over to the table I knew Chase and Zach would be holding a place for me at.

I admit I had to work to keep the surprise and pleasure from my face when I saw Kat sitting at the very same table my friends were at. She was sitting among the other Dauntless-born and members that she seemed to be acquainted with.

I thought she looked stunning from the distance I had kept from her on the roof but she was even more so up close. I took a seat next to Chase, who had been in mid laugh at something that was being talked about at the table. His eyes didn't move from her.

I felt a huge surge of jealousy but scolded myself. There were so many reasons why that was wrong that I couldn't even list them all. The main ones being she was an initiate and I admit I didn't for a second think I had a chance in hell with her. She might seem different from any other Abnegation I had ever known but there was no way coming from that faction she would ever go for a guy like me. Not that I even wanted to get involved with her in any meaningful way.

Even my own inner monologue was scoffing at my failed attempts to convince myself of this.

I started to pull food to my plate and trained my eyes on the table with the scowl feeling like it was stamped forever onto my face. I feel rather than see Chase and Zach sharing knowing looks before Chase elbows me with a smirk on his face. "We both lost, by the way."

I pause in making my burger up and the scowl deepens even more as a rage starts to light in my eyes. His smirk and looks to Kat have me thinking he is talking about her. I was already filled with rage and jealousy over just the thought of Chase's interest in her but I could almost stand losing her to him...maybe. In an instant I knew I wouldn't handle anyone else being in the running. They would find themselves well acquainted with the Chasm quickly.

"What?" I grind out as my short nails cut into my palms.

Chase shrugs and frowns at me. "The bet about the first jumper. We both lost."

It takes a moment for that to register and the rage to subside. My scowl lessens slightly but not much. I think my face might honestly be frozen into this position. "So not a Dauntless-born or a Candor. Who was it then?"

Chase laughs and smirks again. "One guess." Then he turns his head to tilt and indicate Kat, who is still sitting there in the grey clothing of Abnegation. Already little changes have taken place though. Her hair is down and she is definitely wearing makeup. She has something on her lashes that make them look absurdly thick and long. Her lips have some kind of gloss on them that just make me want to…..

I shake my head and breathe before I turn to Chase then smirk when his words register with me. She was my first jumper? Well that would help her with points to start out with. Bits of conversation were now floating to me and I realize they are talking about what happened on the roof with the Candor she pushed.

Uriah and Zeke Pedrad were asking her questions about it all. She was in between the two of them and I suppressed my growl at that so I could listen to what they were saying.

"So he started going after your sister as soon as you got on the train? But not you?" Uri frowned as he asked.

Kat nodded as she took a sip from her cup and grimaced as she looked into it. Then she looked over to Zeke's cup and with an impish smile, switched the two. "Thank you for the offering of your coffee. Such a gentleman." Her tone was cheeky before she took a sip, closed her eyes and let out a sigh of pleasure.

Zeke was sitting there with wide confused and amused eyes. Uri laughed at his brother's face. "I should mention that I think we made her into a coffee addict at some point over the last three years. So much so that if we didn't show up with her a thermos before school then bad things were in the forecast."

"I know you thought you were being cute by trying to give the little stiff girl enough caffeine to see if time would stop with how hyper I would become but it kind of backfired on you. Thank you for introducing me to this particular brand of ambrosia. It got me through my long days of secret training, volunteering, school, more secret training and then sleep. Rinse and repeat; and those were my days for you." Kat shrugged and sipped more coffee before she put the cup down and picked up her burger.

I frowned at several things about what I was hearing so far. But how those three knew her for three years and what kind of training she had been doing were at the top of my mind right now.

"Back to the train. Why do you think he went after your sister and not you?" Zeke asked as he chewed his own food.

Kat tilted her head in thought and then shrugged. "Honestly, he probably saw her as the weaker of the two of us. She had more trouble getting onto the train then I had and he saw that. He might also have known or guessed the easiest way to get under my skin was to pick on someone weaker or my sister. He just didn't figure that while for most people getting under their skin might result in the exchanging of words or even flustering them, I tend to not be like most people."

Lynn, another Dauntless-born who I almost didn't recognize because of her shaved head, laughs and shakes her head with a proud smile. "Ain't that the fucking truth Kat. Your sister's face when you made the joke about those names being chastity belts and leg lockers...fucking priceless!" She pauses takes a sip of her drink and gets a glint in her eye as she side eyes Kat. "I almost wonder if that was the same face your mom had as she listened to the grunts and pounding coming from behind your door that day."

I had been smiling, well at least my lips had a slight twitch to them in my public smile, as I was listening to everything and the reminder of her humor. That was until Lynn threw that out there and then my face went deadly. It didn't help that I saw Chase stiffen and glare at the Dauntless born girl.

"What?" I barked out before I even thought about it.

Kat jerked a little and looked down my way. I swear I saw recognition pass over her eyes for a moment. She swallowed and her skin pinked in a blush that shouldn't look sexy but automatically had images going through my mind.

Chase sighed and elbowed me when he realized my glare was not going to lessen until I got an answer. "Kat this is…"

He didn't get to finish because she interrupted him. "Eric Coulter, Second in Command to Senior Leader Max Cornell. Yes sir. I recognize you from the council meetings I attended in the past." She nodded respectfully to me and my glare lessened slightly.

Pleasure flooded me that she not only knew me but was showing me respect. Real respect and not the fear that had her friends as well as the others at the table holding their breaths and tensed. Waiting to see what I would do or say to her. I wouldn't and couldn't let any type of hope through that it would continue but I could enjoy this singular moment.

I nodded back to her but I didn't lessen the glare anymore. The need to know what the hell she had been doing behind her closed door and praying it was not what I think it was...had a hold of me. Lord help this table if it was. "Kat. Please...don't let me interrupt your story." I motion with my head pointedly for her to go ahead.

She flushes even more, turning her ears red as she shoots a glare to her friend. Lynn gives her a slight sheepish look and shrugs. "Well, it isn't what I am sure Lynn was meaning it to sound like and what I am sure what my mother thought it was as she stood outside of the door. In fact I am pretty sure she was expecting to walk in and catch me in flagrante delicto…."

"What the fuck is that?" Uri bursts out with his forehead scrunched up in a scowl.

I quirk an eyebrow at her even knowing the words and meaning but Zeke snorts and interrupts me about to inform the young Pedrad what it meant. "Come on brother. I know you don't have much of it up there but you do at least have some brains. What is she talking about?"

"Sex. But what does that have to do with…" He trails off and you can see the lightbulb go off behind his eyes lighting up and his smile. "Oh I get it."

Everyone had started laughing and Kat shakes her head, laughing but still red. "I doubt you do get the full meaning but you understand enough about it. To help you out though one of the definitions is that you are caught in the act." She shrugs off the snorts of laughter and continues on. "Anyways, her face was pretty much what I think you were imagining Lynn. When she saw what I was doing though; I don't know that she knew which would have been worse. What she thought I was doing or what I was actually doing."

"So what the hell were you doing?" Chase huffed and threw out in a frustrated tone, clearly not being able to stand anymore of not knowing as much as I was feeling.

Kat had just taken a bite of her burger and her other friend Marlene laughed and answered for her. "She had made a punching bag from her mattress, tape and blankets. Then she found a way to hang it from the ceiling in her room. I think your mom was supposed to be out or something and that's why you were doing it in the middle of the day right?"

Kat swallowed and grinned in a way I was coming to love. It felt like there was a small piece of sun shining in the smile. "Yeah. My parents had always been pretty great about giving us privacy. So while I had the thing hanging up forever and no one ever saw it, I couldn't exactly wail on it while they were home. I thought she would be out volunteering for a while and was looking forward to getting a good hour or so in. It was kind of funny because she didn't say a word. She just stared at me as I stood there all sweaty and chest heaving from having been in mid stream of my form. Then she wiped all emotion from her face, turned and walked out of the door."

Uri smirked and shook his head. "You know when you told us that I had always wondered one thing Kat. I never asked but if that was your mattress and blankets, then what the hell did you sleep on?"

Both the Dauntless born girl friends exchanged relieved looks, as if this was something that had been on their minds and they had worried about as well. I tensed and had to breathe slowly because I think I knew the answer. I also had thoughts of Marcus Eaton with his treatment of his son flashing in my mind and I was already feeling anger. Anger I didn't even know if I should be feeling. What was going on with me and this girl?

Kat shrugged casually. "Well, I couldn't exactly go to my parents and say; 'Hey I need a new mattress and blankets since I am using mine to secretly train to fight'. I made the choice and sacrifice knowing what I would have to do. I slept on the floor or when it was cold the bathtub. I could go to Tris' room and sleep with her as well on really cold nights but I couldn't do that often or she would question things. That was before mom saw what I was doing though. She never said a word and I never did either, but the next day there was a mattress on my bed with two blankets."

I quirked an eyebrow in surprise and tilted my head. "Was the….punching bag...still there?" I was chuckling at the image of a cobbled together punching bag. I was already impressed with her attitude and sense of humor. Now her dedication was impressing me too.

She looked over to me and nodded but our eyes held for longer than necessary and she blushed a little before she answered. "Yes Sir. I think she might have been positive I would just make another and she wouldn't have been wrong. I would have."

The entire time our eyes held each others. I smirked, not only at her answer, but also at her reaction to me. It was small but it was there. I nodded curtly and wiped the smirk from my face as I looked back to my food and went back to eating.

During the time I had been taking care of the Dauntless born girl who had not made it, I had entertained a few thoughts. Thoughts of making Kat a conquest. Satisfying the need that bloomed when she set foot on the roof and then moving on. Thinking and telling myself as a means of justification that it would be the perfect way to stick it to Four. To seduce one of his precious little stiffs. Something to taunt him or torture him with before I finally made a move in. It was brief because even before I sat down I knew she wasn't in that realm of being a conquest, not for me. Now she was going so far out of it that I knew I couldn't act on anything. I shouldn't act on it. I wouldn't act on it.

My hand clenched around my cup as I saw Chase watching Kat again. I knew that I wouldn't stand by and watch my best friend be able to either. We would need to have a conversation about this.

The rest of lunch I listened to the new initiates talking together along with the other members. I listened as Zach and Chase joined in and watched how much attention Chase was giving her. I am sure he couldn't miss how much attention I was paying to her as well even if I was more subtle about it. He looked over to me and nodded, knowing we would need to have a conversation soon.

"I wish you could stay in the dorm with us." Marlene lamented as she stabbed a fork into her cake.

Kat licked her lips to get the little bit of frosting that was on her lip and shrugged. That innocent little move, her tongue darting out and flicking her ridiculously natural looking pouty lips, had me hard in an instant.

Chase groaned a little beside me but I kept mine in, thankfully. A few minutes later I notice that one minute she was relaxed and enjoying her cake and the next she went utterly tensed.

I frowned as I watched her put her hands on the table, clenched. Four was standing at the end of the table and for the briefest of moments his eyes went to Kat, his lips thinned. Then he looked to Zeke. "Chase I am going to need Zeke for some programming issues. Zeke, I need your help in control. There are some systems that need reports run on some coding but I have the initiates to take to the dorms and give them the rundown on the rules."

His voice wasn't as bland as it normally was. It was tired and wary almost. I also couldn't help but notice that the tension in Kat's shoulder's increased and Four's frown deepened at his words.

My jaw clenched and my own lips thinned. There was something going on between these two. "I can take the initiates to the dorm and give them the rules. You go handle the systems that need to be fixed." My tone plainly let him know that I would have no argument and my eyes were deadly cold as I fixed them on Four.

Four rocked a little on his feet and he looked to Kat, not me. When I looked over to Kat I saw an expression of relief. Four glared at me for a moment. "Fine." Then he looked back to her. "Kat, you might want to join your sis…." he stopped and I know he had to realize his tone was bordering on personal, more familiar than he should have been with a new initiate. "Join the other initiates at the table soon. It will be good to get to know those you will be training with the most."

Kat moves cold eyes over to Four and had from the moment he had started to talk to her. I could tell she didn't like his tone one bit. "I appreciate the suggestion…. _Sir_. I will take that under advisement but I believe that the nine hours I will be spending with them will be more than they could handle of me. Based on the range of stupidity that will be gathered around me I am sure breaking them in slowly might be the best approach here."

Mar, Lynn and Uri all snickered until Four shot a glare that silenced them. Zeke coughed and stood with a smile, obviously trying not to laugh as he shook his head. "Come on Four. I will see what I can do to help fix whatever mess they made in there."

Zeke clapped a hand on Four's shoulder and gave him no choice but to go. Probably trying to head off the storm that was about to erupt with the way Four and I were glaring at each other. I could just feel the rage that I had been doing so well in suppressing at the meeting earlier at him build by the second at his familiar tone and looks to Kat.

When they had gone, she relaxed and I heard her let out a little breath. I couldn't do the same because the question of how they knew each other and if they had been involved or are involved was running through my mind.

Chase tilted his head and asked the question we were both wondering. "Do you know Four?"

Kat hesitated before she answered and cast a sideways look at Chase as she shook her head. "I can honestly say that I do not know Four."

Zach shrugged and smiled. "Usually all the new female initiates are all moony eyed over him."

He isn't wrong but he is also trying to test the waters as well on what she thinks of him in that arena. Her answer about not knowing Four doesn't satisfy me. I can't help but think that it was part truth and part evasion.

Kat choked on her bite of food and sat gasping as she hit her chest in laughter and I am guessing trying to get the food down her windpipe. Tears were in her eyes in reaction to Zach's words. Lynn was pounding her back and frowning at her. Kat shrugged off her help and took a sip out of her cup. When she finally cleared her throat she was still laughing.

Chase, Zach, Uri and several others as well as myself had looks of confusion going on. Trying to figure out what the hell was so funny about Zach's statement.

I can admit, her reaction brought on relief and amusement of my own. "Something funny about that?" I asked and the amusement came through even if I was trying to hold it in.

Kat nodded with a smile still playing on her lips. "Yes sir. Pretty much everything. One, I don't do moony eyed." She paused for a moment and then bit her bottom lip as if in thought. "Well, I mean maybe I would if someone held my interest enough to get to that point. Second, even if I were going to go moony eyed about someone...there would be no way." She chokes on laughter again. "I mean, I am sure he has good points and is respected….just not my type. I may not know much about what type I have but...not…"

She was gasping in between laughter and trying to put things into words but just couldn't get more out.

Mar frowned and looked to Kat. "What's wrong with him? I happen to think…"

Uri bristled and looked to Mar with a scowl. "You happen to think what?" He demanded.

Mar winced and shrugged. "Well, I mean he is nice looking."

Kat just shrugged with a smirk on her lips. "Ok." Then she shook her head. "If you say so. Hey, didn't you say we have the rest of the day off after we get changed and all of that out of the way?"

Lynn and Mar beamed at her and nodded. "Were you going to join us or were you going to stick with your sister?"

Kat chewed her lip in thought and looked truly torn. She finally shook her head with a smile at her friends. "Nah, wouldn't be good to put someone in the clinic on the first night. We will be fighting soon. That will satisfy that urge for me in due time. Besides you said something about a rock climbing wall and then there was that bad ass tattoo artist you were so kind enough to volunteer to buy me my first one from."

How the hell was she able to survive in Abnegation before now? That was what I wondered as I tried not to look like I was glued to everything they were saying.

Lynn laughed and nodded. "Sounds good. Just remember no piercings until after fights."

Kat quirked her eyebrow and gave Lynn a pointed look to her nose piercing, in a 'are you serious' manner. "Funny coming from you, Lynn. Maybe I will get one that can't be easily located or exploited. Also if you go into it thinking that you are going to even let your opponent close enough to exploit something then you might as well call the match for them."

"Where would you get it?" Lynn asked in a sly tone that I could tell she was using to try and embarrass her friend.

Kat did turn a little red but she shrugged it off. "If I get one other than my ears or nose then I would most likely go with that place that I almost ripped yours from that one time."

Kat smirked at Lynn as she paled and clutched her chest. Answering the question of where the hell that had been from and had me shifting uncomfortably, again.

"That wasn't funny! That hurt like a bitch and was a dirty way to break out of that hold." Lynn said turning red and in a indignant tone.

Kat shrugged and didn't look a bit ashamed. "Never said I don't fight dirty. Too many encounters with the Factionless not to learn to fight back any way I could." She casts a look to the table where her sister sits and looks worried for a moment. "Look, I will meet you guys at the Pit after I get changed and can make my escape. If I can drag Tris away from the Candor in a clean break I will bring her along."

She said her goodbyes and moved off to be with her sister. I waited until it looked like all the transfers had eaten and were ready but also to give me time to compose myself. I still had to take them to the dorms and give them the rules.

*****Page Break*****

I hated the looks that the others gave Kat when I announced the cuts. They gave them to her sister too but I can admit I am dick enough that I don't care about her sister. I care that Kat makes it. I just don't know if she will. I can hope she will and hope that all that talk we heard at lunch is true. The thing is I haven't had hope in a very, very long time. Just another reason I can't let myself get involved or feel anything for her. No matter how good the part of me waking up just from being near her feels, I can't let it happen. It will only hurt that much more when she gets cut and is just a distraction I can't afford.

Later that night as Chase, Zach and I met in the Pit after dinner we sat around some rocks that were placed like benches. Zach had a beer waiting for me after a conference call with Jeanine and I had needed it badly. I couldn't keep my gaze from wandering over to where Kat was sitting. Watching her laughing and talking with her friends. Her sister was near and while they shared words every once in awhile it looked like the two sisters were divided on the friends they were making or had made.

Kat was surrounded by the Dauntless-born to the point that she even looked the part. They had apparently taken her shopping because she wasn't in the normal clothing that we issued to the initiates to begin with. If I hadn't seen her wearing the grey myself I would never believe she had even come from Abnegation. They had mentioned piercings and tattoos and I worked hard to keep from sauntering over and finding out for myself if she had gotten anything done.

Her sister on the other hand was wearing the clothing that we issued. She looked awkward in it and with the people around her, which were the other transfers. She seemed to be sticking by the Candor girl she had jumped to the roof with. On some level I could understand wanting to stick with the person you first interacted with. But a lesson I learned the hard way during my own initiation and after, was that it is better to try as early on to breach that divide from transfer to Dauntless.

Seeing the difference of the two gave me hope that Kat, having learned that earlier than even I had, just might have a big leg up on the others.

I guess we were all watching Kat and her group closely because Zach pulls me out of my thoughts when he speaks up. "It'll be interesting to see how she does in training." He has a slight worried frown on his face as he looks between Chase and I. I take it Chase's eyes were just as glued to her as mine were.

Chase nodded with a frown, his eyes never having left the group as he sipped his beer. "We can hope she might be as good as we are thinking based on their talk at lunch."

There was that hope word again. Not something I fucking dared have right now. But I nodded with a frown and let my eye appraise her in a different manner. In the way of a trainer. She wasn't as small as her sister muscle wise. That much I could see from the clothes she was wearing. Not that they were all that revealing but they showed some of her muscle definition there. She was taller than her sister but not by much at all. All the guys in the class were at least double her size and while not as tall as I am, they all still tower over her. With the exception of the squat red head, Drew. But he is built like a bulldog, or will be when he got some fitness down.

I heard the talk of secret training. I heard the talk of her friends having worked with her for three years. I just didn't know what that boiled down to as far as skill wise. One thing I had heard thrown out there by her friends when she had moved off to sit with her sister after lunch was that they were taking bets on when she would be up to train. They all agreed she would be up well before it was time but were debating just how early that would be.

I shouldn't be thinking what I am thinking. I shouldn't be thinking about arranging to be in the training room and offering to help her here and there. That was not only dangerous but was stepping way to close to the line of favoritism. I shouldn't be thinking anything that I have been since she set foot on the roof but I can't seem to fucking help myself.

There was something about her that was starting to wake things in me that I thought long dead. Something about her that drew me in. So many questions about her and how she came to be so different than any Abnegation I had ever known or seen. Even fucking number boy, the Dauntless prodigy….especially him. What was _their_ deal? I don't believe she didn't know him from before. Not with her reaction and his. But how and was it romantic?

I missed what Chase and Zach had been saying until I heard my name being mentioned.

"I swear she talks and even thinks like Eric does. Did you hear what she said when she pushed the Candor? That she had done it knowing where she was aiming and how much force she needed to make sure she didn't kill him? But then in the next breath she said she still didn't know if she did him the favor or the rest of us the disservice. I swear I could see those words coming from Eric's mouth." Chase laughed into his cup and then took a drink.

I shrugged, smirking and not disputing it at all. They were right; I could see myself saying and doing something like that. Although I probably would have been more cruel or brutal about it. I might not have sounded as playful as she had. Something about the comparison struck a chord in me. That could be why I am so drawn to her, her intelligence but obvious guts. Then the two put together sent a chill down my spine at an altogether more unpleasant comparison. I shoved that aside in denial and took a deep drink from my cup.

"I just wonder how she kept all that quiet there. Especially considering who her parents are." Zach said with a frown as he turned away from the group of initiates.

I tilted my head in thought because I had been wondering that but more in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Zach shrugged. "Her and her sister are the kids of Andrew Prior. The sister is the older one but not much from what I understand, less than a year. I saw his face when first Kat chose Dauntless and then her sister. He was shocked and hurt."

My blood ran cold and I had to close my eyes for a moment. I had been so preoccupied with just getting the hell away from the call Jeanine had me on I had only been half listening and taking notes. I had forgotten her mentioning the name Prior and an aptitude test that didn't add up or brought concerns to her. Was Kat the one she had mentioned or was it going to be her sister? She hadn't said a first name.

For the rest of the night I watched Kat closely. The longer I watched her the more sure I was that she would be the one that Jeanine had mentioned I needed to keep my eye on.

What was I going to do if it was her?

Why the fuck was I asking that? I would do what I had to do. She was just an initiate and I shouldn't and wouldn't give a shit about her. I know my duty and if she is a threat I would eliminate her just like I had done before.

Inside, that part that had been waking up as well as somewhere so deep that I didn't even know that emotion and feeling still existed in me, a bit of it died at even the thought of having to do that to her.


	4. This Is What You Came For

**A/N: Seriously thank you so much for the love for the story so far. Here is the next installment. We get Kat's POV finally! Hope you guys enjoy!**

Chapter 4 - This Is What You Came For

Kat

"Kat, are you still awake?" Tris' voice called to me softly as her shadow fell over me when she came to stand beside my bed.

I rolled over to face her bed and frowned up at her. "Yeah Tris. What's up?"

I couldn't see her face but I knew Tris. I knew she was chewing her lip before she answered or asked her question. "I just….I can't sleep and I wondered….can I…."

I don't let her finish as I scoot back and pull back the covers. She slips in quietly and we lay facing each other. It feels weird to be like this again. We haven't slept in the same bed for over a year now. I know the reason why on my part and I think I know the reason on hers too. We have grown apart slightly over the years. It has hurt but I think we both felt it necessary at the time.

"I am sorry for getting angry with you on the train, Kat. It was stupid of me to be angry you chose Dauntless. You were always pretty obvious about it, until the last four years." Tris said quietly and took my hand.

I quirked a small smile into the dark. "You got pretty good at hiding it too you know. I am sorry I have been a pain in the ass to you this last year. I just…."

I paused and fought back tears at the anger I had carried around for my big sister. It had been irrational and I knew it, I just couldn't help it. "I hated the thought of you staying and being miserable there. I was so afraid that you were going to do just that, Tris. I was afraid that you thought you needed to because you are the oldest child."

I felt her nod and she was quiet for a little while. "I almost did, Kat. What the elders were saying just kept playing in my head. That as the oldest children it was our duty to remain and to care for our parents as they had cared for us in the beginning."

I gritted my teeth at that and counted to keep from shouting out in anger. Fucking manipulative bastards. That was something that was being passed around after Abnegation had it's one transfer in years eight years ago. One Tobias Eaton. His gem of a father and faction leader had so cunningly let slip that it was a shame others might suffer the fate he might one day suffer after the loss of his son.

I let out a slow breath and shook my head. "We both know though that Mom and Dad never believed in that. Tris...I know that Dad's reaction was less than….perfect. I know he is hurt but…" I stop speaking because I don't know how to say that he will get over it. That he will come to accept this in time. I don't know how to say it because even if it is true and even though I don't see my transfer as a betrayal; I still hurt for causing him pain.

"I hope he can forgive us." Tris whispers and I know there are silent tears crawling down her face. I know because I have them as well.

"It would be selfish if he doesn't and he always tries to be selfless, Tris." I say in my most convincing voice but I don't know if I am trying to convince her or myself more. Most likely both.

We don't speak more for the rest of the night. I don't know how she does it, because lord knows I can't manage it, but eventually she falls asleep.

I don't know if it is because of the Candor that won't shut his sobs up. The excitement of being in Dauntless. My worries about training and initiation. My worries about things that I can't control but I was warned are dangerous to me. The thoughts of someone I had no business thinking about at all. I think it was a combination of all that; but sleep seems impossible for me. In the end I dozed when there seemed to be a lull in the cries of the big Candor transfer. The last time he started up again and tossed in his bed I gave up.

I got out of bed as quietly as possible, dressed in the clothes I had laid out for training that day, tucked Tris into bed and made my way out of the dorm. I know at least a few people stirred or watched my progress out of the room but I didn't bother to see who they were.

I had no clue what time it was and cursed myself for not picking up a watch when I had been out shopping with my friends. I had it in my head to get one but it slipped my mind when we had gotten talking to Bud at the tattoo parlor. He was funny as hell and we had spent way too long in there just shooting the shit before I got my first tattoo.

My hand drifted up to just below and behind my ear where I had gotten it done. It was still sore but not unbearably so. Bud had laughed his ass off when I had told him what I wanted and then had to draw it for him since describing it wasn't working. He had asked to keep it up in case anyone else had a hankering to have a 'brainy' tattoo. I had drawn that and the corresponding other one I would get on the other side later. I planed on doing that one when the first stage of initiation was over.

I was braiding my hair when I stepped into the training room after having made my way there. Something about the quiet of the compound had me tiptoeing along. As if I was afraid the sounds that I heard were the breaths of a giant and any sound I made would wake it.

It was odd stepping into the cavernous training room. It was so large that I felt dwarfed in it but at the same time energized. I knew I was going to pay for this. I had to be up way earlier than even I had planned to be. I always did think better and work out my tangled thoughts when I involved myself in work of some kind. Preferably the kind that I had to put my whole body and focus into.

I didn't know where the light switch to light up the entire training room was and I didn't want to risk turning it on. There were spot lights spaced around the room. One just happened to be over a bag so I made my way to that area and warmed up first.

I lost myself at first in doing my cardio exercises. When I felt comfortable with the room and looking around, I began to run around the room for a solid hour. I didn't know the time but I knew I needed to hydrate so I made my way to the dining hall and hoped I could score a bottle of water. I honestly didn't expect to run into people but I passed a few. Some guards that looked like they were patrolling the compound and others that looked like they were starting their work day.

When I made my way into the dining hall I was pleased to see that not only were there water bottles but also muffins. Shrugging I grabbed one of each.

"Kat?" A voice called from behind me. I turned and saw Chase, one of the Dauntless members I had met yesterday, looking at me with his head tilted and a worried expression on his face.

I smiled at him and he gave a smile back but still looked worried. "I couldn't sleep so I decided to get some training in."

He hesitated as his eyes moved over me, then he nodded and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I can kind of see that. Why don't you come sit with me for a bit? I was just grabbing some coffee to get myself awake."

I nod and laugh a little. I knew I would love some coffee but since I was going to be doing some more work, water was better for me at the moment. Besides I planned on getting some coffee at lunch most likely. I would need to, I am sure.

I sat down at the table and noticed that for the most part the dining hall was pretty empty. I drank from my bottle of water first while he was drinking from his large cup of coffee. He gave a sigh after he got a few sips in him and I let out a laugh at that.

"I can relate." I say simply with a smile and peeled the wrapper on my muffin.

"I heard about your addiction. I am surprised you don't have a cup of it yourself right now." He said with a smirk at me.

I shrugged and smirked back at him. "Don't want to pass out from dehydration so sacrifices must be made. I am sure that around lunch time I will be begging for a cup. Or an IV full of it."

He let out a laugh at that and I smiled with him. Chase was handsome. Very handsome. His brown hair was short cut but slightly longer than what Abnegation men wore. It was a rich brown color that I could probably guess the tousled look wasn't natural and he styled it. It worked on him. As did the small but well groomed beard he had. He had ice blue eyes that lit up when he was smiling at me and made me feel comfortable with him. He was just as tall as most of the other Dauntless men. I would say at 6' ft or over it but his build wasn't bulky. He was long, lean and deadly looking in frame.

Honestly I am stunned at how striking most of the guys I have met are. Some aren't handsome in a conventional sense, like a pretty boy way. Some it is just their presence, the confidence they exude, that catches the attention. Last night in the Pit I saw how most of the Dauntless women were around the men. How free with affection or flirtation they were. I also couldn't help but notice that while Chase, Eric and Zach drew lots of looks they seemed to either not notice or they didn't care. At least not last night.

I had paid way more attention to them than I needed to by far. More so one person in particular but I wasn't going to go that way in my thoughts right now. That was one of the things I had been in that training room to work out. I had never felt attraction in the way that I had heard Mar and even Lynn gush over, not until yesterday.

It couldn't have happened with a worse selection than Eric and not just because of him being a leader. I felt like some damn naughty school girl crushing on my teacher. Like some Erudite girls had for one of our teachers when we had still been going to classes. I could not stop staring and even Lynn had mentioned something to me about how often I looked flustered.

It couldn't be helped. There was something about his eyes that had first held me when he had barked out demanding to know what Lynn had been joking about. They were blue but there was this underlying tone of grey that reminds me of the blade of a knife. That has to be why they seemed to cut through and pierce me as I stared into them for way too long. He was built and oozed menace along with power. Everything about him, from his perfectly styled hair, the symmetrical block tattoos on his neck, even the maze ones on his arms; felt controlled and calculated. Everything about him was sending sparks to places that had never been touched before and that was bad news for me. No distractions and especially not with the leader of my faction as well as my instructor. Certainly not that leader and instructor.

It was easy sitting there talking with Chase. He was free with his smiles and laughs. He had a sarcastic sense of humor. It was like he could tell there was something troubling me so he was doing what he could to help keep my mind off of it. He was like a more mature version of Uriah and I instantly felt comfortable with him.

"So what really had you up so early to train?" Chase finally asked once he felt I was at ease enough to answer.

I shrug as I sipped on my water. "The main reason was I couldn't sleep. There is a guy that was crying, pretty darn loudly, all night. It would have been pointless to just lay there and I couldn't trust I wouldn't try and physically knock him out if I had stayed. So I got up and decided to get my day started."

He frowned at my explanation but he didn't say anymore. I couldn't read his thoughts about it other than worry maybe."Well like you said it might not be good to put someone in the clinic before fights even start." He teased finally.

I laughed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, if it isn't going to count for something then I think I am going to save my efforts."

"Am I detecting a little bit of hotheadedness?" He asked with a wink.

I sucked my teeth in thought and tilted my head. "You might be. I am stubborn as hell and I can have flares of temper that would rival a volcanic eruption. It just depends on the situation I guess. Sometimes I prefer to wait. I have a temper but I also have patience."

He winced and drank his coffee then looked back to me with laughter and truth in his eyes. "Remind me not to piss you off, Kat."

I let out a laugh and shrugged. "I don't think you will have anything to worry since I can already tell I like you, but crazier things have happened."

Chase briefly gave me a smug smile before it turned friendly again. I didn't stay much longer sitting with him. He had mentioned that his friends would be joining him shortly. By friends I knew one of those was sure to be Eric. The thought of seeing Eric again had my stomach doing things that were setting me off balance and I knew it was time for me to head back to training.

Chase would be training the Dauntless born with Lauren and I felt a pang of jealousy at that. That my friends got to have Chase and Lauren and I would be stuck with Four and Eric. One I would rather not have to be around if at all possible and the other I wanted to be around but knew I needed to stay far away from.

He promised to see me at lunch with a tone and look I didn't recognize as I headed out after grabbing a new water bottle. When I got back in I started to work on the bags. I couldn't do much with my hands because I didn't have tape or gloves of any kind. Another thing I need to get when I get the watch. I scowl at myself and my absentmindedness from the previous day. I was letting my excitement of being in Dauntless and with my friends interfere with my focus. I needed to make sure to balance it all. Live my life and have fun but remember that there are cuts and Tris and I are looked at as the weakest links here. We will be gunned for as the easiest targets to get rid of so that we don't take someone else's spot.

'Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.' This is a phrase that I run through my mind as I work. It is one of the many phrases that I have formed to be mantras. The goal is to clear my mind of doubt as I am fighting. To focus my attention and be able to shut out outside factors.

I am in the middle of this when I feel eyes on me. I sensed it was him and I can't understand how that could be possible in such few encounters. I didn't let on though. I doubled my efforts in using my mantras to limit the outside interference to my focus and kept on working. He very well might be trying to do that on purpose. Unsettle me or sneak up on me, to test and see if I was keeping my bearings or awareness. When he moved, he moved like a predator. I couldn't help but wonder if that was the way he just moved regardless of if he was truly stalking me at the moment. I think it might just be how he moves. Either way I had to concentrate even harder on my form to not give in to the shiver of pleasure and the wave of confusion at that and him being so near.


	5. Getting What I Want

**A/N: I might post another chapter besides this one today or tomorrow. Trying to pace myself but that might now be possible, to excited to share. Anyways I really hope you are enjoying this. I forgot to mention this is going to be slow burn for anything really between the two. This Eric is still the way he is in training but is also extremely socially awkward. Kat isn't that far behind him lol. Enjoy ya'll.**

 **Chapter 5 - Getting What I Want**

Hey little girl is your daddy home

Did he go away and leave you all alone

I got a bad desire

I'm on fire

Tell me now baby is he good to you

Can he do to you the things that I do

I can take you higher

I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby

Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley

Through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet

And a freight train running through the

Middle of my head

Only you can cool my desire

I'm on fire

[I'm on Fire; Bruce Springsteen, E Street Band]

 _Eric_

I woke the next morning at my normal time of four am and started my routine. Not having meetings or anything to put me off of it, I set about my regular habits. My first stop would be to the dining hall to get some coffee before I got in some training time. I would do all of that before I had to spend the day with initiates.

Normally I dreaded this shit but today was different because there was Kat. I don't know when in the night I had decided, but I came to the conclusion that I couldn't avoid things. I might need to wait but I was going to try. It might have been because of those nightmares. The faceless person that normally haunted me had a face now. The dream had been even more visceral and I had woken in a state that had demanded me to provide myself instant relief. I had stumbled into the shower, sweaty from fighting the dream and the passion that it had burned into the waking world and took matters into my own hands. Literally.

Images of her there with me, her body pressed against mine, her lips wrapped around me as her hazel eyes looked up at me with passion and pleasure had me coming undone sooner than I could have predicted. It had me crying out hoarsely in my release. I had stood panting into the spray for minutes and knew that if just the thought of her left me shaking from my release then having her in the flesh was sure to be ten times that experience. I had to have her. I just knew I had to bide my time and make sure she was there at the end of it all.

Chase was in the dining hall as normal but this morning he was staring into his cup of coffee and looking contemplative as I joined him. I frowned at him but took a few sips of my own before I spoke.

"What has you looking so deep in thought this damn early?" My voice was still thick with sleep and would be until I got some caffeine into my system.

Chase looked up, tilted his head and sighed as his eyes met mine. "Eric, we need to talk." His voice was low and serious.

Instantly I groaned and went tense as I closed my eyes. I shook my head a little and then took a deep breath. "That cannot be good coming from you this early in the morning. What is it?" I snapped that last part but I knew what it was about.

Chase shrugged and his frown was still in place. "We need to talk about her."

I didn't need to ask who the 'her' he was referring to is. We both knew who it was and had known at lunch we were going to be heading to this talk.

"Ok." I said simply and more calmly than I felt. My jaw was clenched though as well as having my free hand balled into a fist.

Gods how fast and hard my jealousy and temper had flared up. I don't know how to handle this and it is scaring me. Me! Scared of feelings I shouldn't be even having!

Chase didn't say anything for a few minutes but his eyes moved over me. He was just as tense as me but he suddenly relaxed and a lazy smirk crossed his face.

"She was in here not too long ago. Said she was going to be heading to the training room to get some time in." Chase shrugged and winked at me as he said this. "Just thought I should give you a heads up."

I could only stare at him in return for a minute or so, analyzing the conversation, posture and attitude. I wasn't stupid and I knew what Chase was doing. I was also grateful as fuck for it. While it might be a dick thing to do and it might be the worst decision considering my position; I knew I wasn't going to back down either.

A good friend might. A good friend might say to the other that neither should go after the girl. A good leader would back off and realize that he was crossing a line.

Apparently I am far from a good friend because I was downing my coffee and moving off with a nod in Chase's direction. It seems I am also not such a great leader because I am so damn tired of giving everything to this faction and feeling empty as shit.

I want Kat. I want to feel what I have gotten a taste of with her. So fuck being the perfect leader because I am getting what I want.

I had to go to the Leader's private training room to grab my gear and change. By the time I made it to the training room that the transfer initiates would be using I could hear the sounds of someone going at the punching bags already. I stood in the door watching her for a little bit. The lights in the big and long room were mainly off. There were a few on that seemed to act as spotlights over a punching bag here or there. Kat had apparently selected one of the spots that had one of these lights on and decided it was as good as place as any.

She knew the Dauntless forms, that was for sure but she wasn't concentrating on them. She was doing some form of martial arts mainly. Taekwondo it looked like. Smart for her frame which was petite with very little brute force behind it. She had power behind the kicks and it showed she concentrated in that area.

I moved in, watching her closely and trying not to let my thoughts as I watched her body move, turn into anything other than professional.

"I hope that I am not breaking some kind of rule by being here." She got out in a pant as she leaped into a kick, landed it and then spun around to face me.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise that she had noticed I was near when she had looked so absorbed in her actions. My own attention had gone to how her muscles moved along with her now that I could see them in the short sleeved t-shirt and capri leggings she was wearing.

I shook my head in a smirk and dropped my gear bag when I moved over to the side. "You aren't breaking a rule, just a standard. It is unusual for initiates to take…." I stop and shrugged with the smirk still in place "...initiative and want to put in more time to their training."

Kat gave a small laugh as she panted then picked up her water bottle to take a drink. After she had taken a few sips she nodded. "Well, I can see at least with this group that is going to be the case. I knew I was going to want to get in some extra time before and after but I didn't count on being at it as early."

I frowned and thought back to my conversation with Chase. He had said she had been in the dining hall earlier but he hadn't said for how long. "How long have you been up and at training?"

She tilted her head in thought. "I need to get a watch but it has been a while. I couldn't sleep what with the farm boy sniveling all night. I kept waiting for his tears to lull him to sleep but it just didn't happen. I finally said screw it and got up then came in here straight away. I warmed up and did some cardio before doing a run for an hour or so but left to get some water. I ran into Chase while there and talked to him for a while but then came back in here to get at it again."

She shrugged as she said all of this. I couldn't help being upset that her sleep was being disturbed by someone that couldn't get his shit together. I was even more upset that she had been talking to Chase for longer than he had let on. Then I realized that Chase has taken himself out of the running with Kat and I didn't have a right to be jealous of that time with her.

"You need to get good sleep too, Kat. Let me know if he keeps that shit up." My tone is harsher than I meant it to be. I meant it to be more on the concerned side but I am so out of practice with that it is laughable.

I wait for her to flinch or change demeanor that would suggest I had frightened her but it never comes.

She nods to me respectfully and gives me a small smile even. "I was thinking of buying some earplugs when I get my watch but I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Sir."

I hate her calling me 'Sir' but I can't allow myself to correct her, not yet. I know that if I keep this up it is going to come soon. I pass over that thought and motion to the bag.

"Interesting combos you were throwing out there. Mind showing me the moves you have in your forms." I go back to my commanding tone but when I am addressing her, without anyone here, it comes out damn close to being seductive.

She shivers as she turns so she doesn't catch the smirk I have at her reaction to me. I can't help but feel pleased about it. Especially after I remember bits of her conversation with her friends at lunch. She had remarked that no one had ever grabbed her attention in that way before or drew her interest. I had picked up on the fact that she didn't have the same kind of reservations or thoughts about affection or the opposite sex as most Abnegation.

One thing that had been referred to but she had moved on past it quickly; was that she had apparently been kissed before. I had honestly been surprised I didn't get upset about that. But from all indications from her it hadn't been a good or even wanted kiss. That part had set my blood to boil until she saw that Uri was getting upset along with a few others at the table. Then she had reassured her friends that the guy had learned his lesson and never tried that with her again.

I watched her as she slowly moved through her forms. She started out with the Dauntless standards and then moved on.

"You are starting out in the Dauntless stance to lure in your opponents to going for certain moves and then switching?" I asked impressed as I circled her with my eye appraising her critically.

I had been worried before I came to the training room but watching her, I became excited. I saw potential in her. Real potential and not just me seeing something in her because of my own desire for her. I nodded in thought at her strategy. It was a good plan to keep what all she could do in her pocket and not show everything, at least to the others. But she would show me what she knew...now.

"Show me what else you know, Kat. Don't hold back because I will know."

My tone was firm and brooked no argument. I had made a decision in the last twenty minutes that I wouldn't just help her here and there, but as much as possible. I didn't care if I was going to get shit for it. The potential I saw in her was more than I had seen in awhile. Between that and my desire to keep her here I knew I didn't want to just make sure she stayed but that she was in the top ranked.

This would also let me spend as much time as I could with her. I would do this as long as she was willing to let me be here for. I could order her to be here every morning and would if it came to it but I didn't think I would need to. Not as the hour progressed.

When I moved to adjust, move or stand near her; she didn't flinch or falter. It seemed to bolster and embolden her. It pushed her and I couldn't be happier about that. I could tell her body was reacting to me as much as mine was to hers. She also didn't know what was going on. There came a point where her working the bag was ineffective so I moved us to do light sparring. Never mind that gave me even more reasons to have physical contact with her. I enjoyed it for the spirit she put into it. She had pulled a move that caused us to stop sparring altogether and broke into a discussion about some of the moves she was thinking up. That turned into her demonstrating them to me.

There was no stopping the smile that crossed my face when I ended up being taken to the ground in ten seconds by this elfin looking girl in a move that she had said she dreamed up. I even laughed as she perched on top of me, looking down at me with an impish smirk on her face.

My watch went off alerting me to the time I normally grabbed breakfast with Zach and Chase before I start my work day. For the initiation time of year that would be before the initiates had to be woken up. A job I left Four to do for the entire time if possible.

I shook my head still smiling up at her. "You are going to tell me how the hell you came up with that move but first we need to get you breakfast. I have to meet Chase and Zach anyways."

My hands had been on her hips without even knowing it. When she took me down to mat I had landed on my back and she had pounced, straddling me. We both realized this about the same time. With a blush Kat popped up and then offered me a hand to help me up. I chuckled and took it, surprised in general about how my morning was going so far and pleased.

"What time is it?" Kat asked as she moved to collect her water bottle and jacket.

I shouldered my bag and moved over towards her. "Forty five past 0600. You have been going at it pretty hard and for a while. You have a long day ahead of you too."

I could already see her calculating as soon as I told her the time. I knew she was adding the hours she had done so far and how many were left before the group training would take place. I knew because I would have and had done the same thing when I had been in her same position. I had learned the hard way that I needed to take the time to relax before those longer sessions took place.

Kat looked over to me with a nod. "I could use the breakfast too if lunch is at the midway point."

I smirked back at her and nodded, my hand going to the small of her back as I guided her along. I didn't even ask her if she wanted to come along to where I normally had breakfast with my friends. I also hadn't even thought if that was a particularly brilliant idea or not. It wasn't until I was putting my code into the door of my apartment that I saw it register for her, then it registered for me.


	6. The Way That I Am

**A/N: Hmmm...apparently I have no self restraint. Said I wouldn't post another chapter until Monday. Oh well...I will try to do better next time. In the meantime...here is another chapter for your entertainment. I really hope you are loving the story. I always appreciate the views, follow and favorites...and reviews are my favorite kind of candy. ; )**

 **Chapter 6 - The Way That I Am**

 _Kat_

My morning had taken a turn I couldn't have predicted. Not in the least. I had gone to the training room, partially to get away from the thoughts I was having about Eric, only to have him appear. I should have been uncomfortable, or at least more uncomfortable than I was, but I couldn't be.

I had enjoyed having him there during my self training. Yes, he intimidated me but in a way that seemed to push me to do better. His manner when he would adjust or move me was rough and firm but I expected it. I got this rush, a flurry and flutter. Between the adrenaline high from the physical activity and the fact that I am finally being trained for real in Dauntless my body is buzzing with electricity. It might be showing that excitement in weird ways. Like my damn nipples straining against the material of my sports bra, warmth coursing through my body and thighs...but I was still feeling energized and enjoying myself.

Having this time with a leader of my faction and instructor was a rush for me. I wanted to pick his brain apart for moves I had thought of, read about or had been trying to piece together from other moves I already knew. Then having the opportunity to spar with him, something that I had only been able to do against Lynn, Mar and Uri; was beyond exciting. I was charged with the fire to take full advantage of it.

All thought, for the moment, had gone out of my head about things I had been thinking or felt in regards to Eric. That was until I was straddling him and he turned the most beautiful smile on at me. I swear my knees went to jelly. Thank god I had already been sitting down.

I had the urge to lean forward and press my lips against his perfect and full ones. To run my hands through that perfectly styled hair that is just begging me to mess it up. I seriously think I am about to do just that when his watch alarm goes off.

 _Saved by the freaking bell!_

I am just flustered enough that I don't even register where he has been guiding me after he commanded me in the most knee weakening way, that I needed to get breakfast and it was assumed I would be joining him.

I realize where we are when I hear him pressing in a code at what I now see is a residential door.

 _Holy shit! We are at his apartment?_

I swallowed briefly and my forehead furrowed in thought. Surely it couldn't be proper for me to be going into a leader's apartment when I was an initiate. I thought about refusing and looked up to Eric's face. He was watching me closely, waiting for me to make a decision.

Eric didn't seem like the type to risk his position by doing anything that would be against the rules. It also wasn't like I was worried about him even wanting to try anything with me. He is a leader and I could freely admit more handsome than any man had a right to be. I was sure he had much better prospects lined up and didn't need to lower himself to being with me. Even if that thought stung more than a little bit.

I did enjoy our one on one time this morning and I would like to pick his brain more. Especially if I could get another one of those smiles. What could it hurt?

I shrugged and it seemed that was all he had been waiting for. He opened the door further and motioned me in first. There were sounds coming from what had to be the kitchen before his friend Zach walked out of it and looked to us.

His eyes seemed to widen slightly and then he smiled.

"Well, I guess we have another person joining us today. Coffee?" Zach asked with the smile still in place.

Eric had put his bag down and moved to show me where to sit, even pulling out a chair for me. I blushed and looked to Zach. "Please!" I replied in a pleading tone and a smile on my lips.

He laughed at that and poured a cup for me before he made one up for Eric then went back to the kitchen.

Eric moved a container of sugar and cream towards me but I just smiled and sipped on the black coffee and sighed in bliss. He gave a chuckle and sipped on his own black as sin coffee. It was good, much better than what my friends had been bringing me. I could definitely get spoiled to this rich taste. I could also get spoiled to having it served to me and getting to drink it next to him.

 _Dammit! Get away from that train of though Kat Prior!_

We hadn't been sitting there long before Chase walked in to join us as well. As soon as he got seated and greeted me, Zach brought in plates full of food and put them down for everyone to pull from. I sat back and looked over the selections, content to wait for the guys to get theirs first before I got anything.

Eric wasn't going to have that because he rolled his eyes and started filling a plate for me. "I thought I wouldn't have to worry about any of that selfless shit with you Kat."

I laughed and took the plate when he handed it to me. "Oh, that wasn't me being selfless, Sir. That was me wanting to keep my limbs intact. I saw how all the Dauntless born and members went after the food at lunch and dinner last night. I have also been eating with Uri for three years with a meal or two a day and believe me you don't want a hand near food when that guy is hungry."

Zach and Chase laughed while Eric graced me with that smile again as he shook his head. "I still don't understand how you have known them for three years and obviously trained with them too." It wasn't said in a questioning tone but I could tell that it really was and one he knew I would pick up he wanted answered.

I had just taken a bite of the eggs that Zach had made and smiled at him. "These are very good Zach, thank you."

He shrugged but looking smug too. "I do breakfast better while Eric tends to do better dinners. Nothing fancy but it beats the dining hall."

I nod and take a sip of my coffee. Eric is still waiting for an answer, if his quirked eyebrow is anything to go by. He was letting me know he hadn't forgotten the question and expected an answer.

"I ran often and saw them often as they would hang out in different areas where I was at. I am sure they didn't even know I was Abnegation since it wasn't like I could wear my faction clothes to run around. It would have drawn too much attention and raised too many questions. I honestly didn't expect to ever speak to them or anyone on my runs. But Mar and Lynn had been waiting for Uri for something one time and while they were waiting some factionless kids started up on them. I went to help them and it just went from there." I said with a shrug as I ate some more.

I kept my eyes on my plate though I couldn't help but notice that all the guys had tensed the minute I started talking about being in the different sectors. The mention of Factionless had Eric tensing even more.

I knew I was treading into dangerous territory by answering the question. It wasn't like I could lie about this because they could just ask one of my friends. I just hoped it didn't bring up other things because I wasn't sure how much I could or wanted to talk about.

We ate a little bit more before Chase broke the silence. "What clothes were you wearing if not of your own faction?"

He was frowning when I looked up to him and took a sip of my coffee.

"Well, I may have come into a few outfits for Erudite and Dauntless. I could have mixed and matched them but that would have made me look like a factionless kid and that could have spelled more trouble for me than helped."

Eric had started to mutter something so low I couldn't hear it until his eyes snapped to mine as if a thought just occurred to him. "You said last night something about encounters with the factionless. How bad did those get?"

And there it was. The exact question I didn't know if I wanted to get into. Something I hadn't ever talked about to anyone really, not even Mom. I couldn't not answer him though. I tilted my head in thought as I looked at a leader of my faction and wondered how much I should go into or how truthful I should be.

"Everything Kat." Eric demanded as if reading my mind. His tone was soft but I wasn't fooled. He meant business and I had a feeling he was the type that if he suspected any subterfuge he would seek out answers himself and it wouldn't be pleasant if he was forced to do that. Lying would only make things worse for me.

I sighed and nodded. "If you want to know everything…" I trailed off and took a sip of my coffee first. "I haven't talked about this really, so forgive me if I ramble or it takes a while to put it together.."

Zach flinched as if he was preparing for something truly horrible and I smiled at him. "It probably isn't as bad as I am making it seem. I just….I don't talk about most things easily with people...even my family."

 _Especially my family._

He nodded but his lips were thinned. All of their lips were. I sighed and looked to Eric. "I didn't always show my hand that I wouldn't be staying in Abnegation. In fact it was a shock to my father most likely because I played the role so well over the last few years. When I was younger though it was another story. For both my sister and I, we just couldn't hide that we were miserable in Abnegation. Don't get me wrong I think Abnegation has such wonderful points to it, they just weren't meant for me."

I saw disdain and loathing cross Eric's face but I continued on. "Sir, I know that it isn't perfect. No faction is perfect really. I also know that there are people in that faction that really shouldn't be." I had ground the last part out as I thought of one particular person that I would love nothing more than to see hung over the chasm and plunge into it's depths after showing his true colors to the world.

Chase nudged me a little while I was lost in the dream of a justice far more merciful than the man probably deserves.

I looked up to find Eric studying me. His eyes looked contemplative but waiting. "There are people like my mother and father, though, that show me how good a faction can be when the person truly belongs. When they are committed to it and are working to do their best to not only be the example to the other members of the faction, but to find true happiness in their role. It was never more apparent for me than when I would work alongside my mom with the factionless. The people she tended to adored her. They could see how genuine she was in her want to help them and that she didn't treat them like they were scum. She was never condescending to them or think they were subhuman."

I paused and chewed my lip, feeling guilty for my own opinions and thoughts on the factionless. "I had issues with this and it was apparent in how they interacted with me and how they were with her. They could sense it even if on the surface I was nothing but the epitome of a perfect Abnegation. They weren't hostile to me but I could tell watching them with her and then how they responded to me that they sensed or knew what I really thought. Sometimes I could look at my mom and dad….I wished that I had what they did there in Abnegation."

My eyes met Chase's and he tilted his head with a frown. I knew the question he had before he said it and I shook my head. "No, I am not saying I wish I could have stayed. I mean I wish I could find the peace and sense of completeness I know they have because they are committed to their faction and the work. They belong and they know they do because they choose to put everything they have into it and they get as much from what they put in. I never got that there and I longed for it. The best way I can describe it and them…."

I tilt my head in thought as I search for a comparison. One comes to mind as I chew my lip in thought and then nod. "I guess it would probably be a comparison to some of the great humanitarians in pre-war society. I am not saying they are not flawed or perfect because I am a realist enough to know better. My parents aren't perfect or all knowing. They are kind and good though and the best way I could describe how content they are in their place is how someone once described Mother Teresa. It was said that she was someone so at peace with her place, her spirituality and the work that you could see and feel it radiating from her. That is what I see when I look at my mom and what I could never see in myself there, what I knew I never would see in myself there."

I took a bite of my eggs and paused in my thoughts. Zach frowned and paused in his eating. "Are there many that are like you in Abnegation you think?"

I finished chewing and shrugged. "It's not like I know everyone personally in Abnegation but those that I worked with, the girls especially, seemed to be very similar to my mother. There are and were some I wondered about but I think they stayed because they knew what to expect. The unknown can be a scary thing for some people. On the whole I would say the majority of people in Abnegation do really want to help. I know that sometimes I felt as if that help was pointless or in vain. Maybe that is where some of the...lack...builds up over time? It probably doesn't help that across all factions dependents are told repeatedly to trust the test in one breath but if someone does then they are called a traitor and choosing the faction you are called to is taboo if it differs from the damn one you are born into."

I huffed that last part out and was rewarded with nods from the guys as they ate.

"So what changed for you then?" Eric asked in between bites of his food. He hadn't forgotten his original question it seemed.

I put down my fork and looked at him seriously. "Sir, do you remember that Dauntless used to patrol and police the factionless sectors instead of just responding to outbreaks or incidents?"

Eric's face darkened and he nodded slowly. "Yes" He gritted out slowly.

Taking in his demeanor I gathered that not only did he remember, but maybe it had some personal significance for him that they had pulled out. It made me wary of telling him this next part but I had already started. "My father was adamant on all the votes that Dauntless be kept in that role. For years, really, he held to that vote."

Zach had shook his head frowning. "Well, then what changed? Because his vote was the swaying one that had Dauntless pull out."

Their eyes were all on me and I felt the crushing weight of my actions and what it had done to the city. "I happened." I finally got out in soft voice, my hands in my lap as I looked down at the table. "I said I didn't hide my wild side and I hadn't. Tris wasn't as bad as me but I pulled her along with me at times. She was my older sister so she felt she needed to be with me anyways. We were doing something; I don't even remember what but it was something we shouldn't have been doing. I think I was climbing the buildings. Some men, factionless men, came upon us. I think you can imagine what they wanted so I won't go into those details."

"Kat...did they…" Chase asked with a clenched jaw.

I shook my head. "No. I held them off with whatever tactics I could, mostly dirty. It helped that they weren't expecting an Abnegation to fight back much less a little girl. I knew there was a guard station not far away. I may have been wild but I wasn't stupid and if I was ever going to be doing anything I made sure I was in shouting or running reach of help. I ordered Tris to run after the guard and she did right away."

"She left you there?" Eric barked out with an angry scowl.

I shook my head adamantly. "No, I was following her, almost right on her heels. But there was another man I hadn't seen that came at me from the side and tackled me. I used a few well placed kicks and shoved gravel in his eyes hard enough to get him to let me go. I was up by the time the Dauntless came but he was alone, his backup was still a minute away. He ordered me to get behind him, weapon drawn and I was completely going to comply. I wasn't stupid. I knew he had the weapon and I didn't. It wasn't until I saw that one of the factionless had drawn a knife and looked to be going to stab the patrolman that it went haywire. He was outflanked so it would have happened regardless."

I had to pause for long moments to collect myself and go over that day in my mind. Still to this day it is murky and I don't know what happened. One of the hands in my lap was enveloped in warmth and squeezed slightly. I looked up to see Eric looked at me in concern and nodded for me to continue.

"I still don't know if I stabbed him or if was just an accident, the factionless guy that had the knife pulled." I held Eric's eyes as I spoke, or he held me captive in his piercing blue ones. Giving me the strength to tell this story to someone finally. Something I didn't even realize I had needed so damn badly.

"One minute I was looking at things as if they were in slow motion and then this feeling of…..an all consuming fire came over me, it was all red and hazy. All I felt was fire and rage coursing through me. The next thing I knew was that the factionless guy was on the ground and I was perched on top of him with the knife buried to the hilt into him. There was blood and my hands were practically stuck around the hilt they were clutched so tightly. I don't know if I was trying to pull it free but it came with my hands when I jerked them away. There was another factionless person in front of me and I heard yelling around me. The next thing I knew was I felt a new type of fire blooming from my chest and then I watched my shirt grow a red splotch that kept getting bigger."

Eric's face contorted in rage and his grip tightened on my hand. "Who shot you?"

"One of the patrolmen that came in as backup. All he saw was a young girl covered in blood and wielding a knife. He reacted exactly as he should have to eliminate the threat." I was squeezing his hand now, having covered it with my other one as I tried to reassure Eric but I could tell he wasn't having it.

"That is no fucking excuse!" Eric's voice was like thunder sounding in the apartment and Zach put a hand on his shoulder with his own frown etched deeply into his face.

"That is why your father changed his vote? Because you were shot by one of the Dauntless?" Chase asked softly. His expression wasn't judgmental or angry, he seemed understanding even.

Did he get how much guilt I carry around about that? I know I have never spoke aloud about how much I feel like I need to make up for. How much this drives me to not only make it in Dauntless but to make it up to Dauntless.

I nodded and sighed. "I argued and argued with him. I argued until I was blue in the face and I even hunted down Marcus Eaton and lit into him." I snort in disgust at the memory of that foul man and his pleasure at my giving him exactly what he wanted, the Dauntless out. My lips thin and I take a deep breath to contain my rage at him so I can continue.

"It was too late honestly because by the time they released me from Erudite Medical an emergency vote had taken place. I was still in the operating room when it happened." I was interrupted as soon as I got out, operating room, by Eric once again.

"Operating room? Where were you shot Kat?" Eric once again gripped my hand and was looking over me worriedly. I knew he would be looking to see if it would be a hindrance to my physical capabilities.

With a sigh I pulled my shirt aside so they could see the bullet wound. It was close enough to the heart that I could hear the breath being taken from Chase and Eric both.

"Fuck" Zach breathed out and he shook his head.

I smiled sadly and released my shirt. It was silent for a moment because I needed time to catch my breath and I refused to cry. I could tell Eric and Chase were disturbed by the events but I am not sure exactly what their thoughts were. I was just glad that as far as I could tell I was not seeing hate for being the cause of Dauntless being pulled from the factionless sector.


	7. The Wheels Begin To Turn

**A/N: Really loving all the love and activity on the story! I just might be posting multiple chapters a week. I like to go through and edit them again before final posting, though I am sure I am missing things. Thanks DYK again for helping me out so much through this! Oh...by the way...this will be kind of a major slow burn as far as anything physical between the two. But they will get there...eventually lol.**

 **Chapter 7 - The Wheels Begin To Turn**

 _Eric_

I didn't know what to think about everything Kat had just told me. Seeing that scar where a bullet from a screw up of a patrolman hit so fucking close to her heart was leaving me trembling with the need to pull her to me and just hold her. To reassure myself that she was indeed here and that some idiot hadn't taken her from me.

I can't speak I am so caught up in emotions that I am not at all used to handling. Kat smiles sadly at us and she doesn't remove her hand from mine. She returns the squeeze I am giving hers as if she needs reassurance just as much as I do.

She takes a breath as if she is able to talk again. "I lived though and it is a reminder to me of many things but one of them is how strong I am and how much pain I can take. After the surgery I was up and back to school in less than a week. My parents had been given permission from the leaders for me to take pain medications if I wanted but I refused. I refused for many reasons but the main one was that I hated the way they made me feel. The damn nurses kept pushing them through the IV when I wouldn't tell them my pain levels. They made me feel slow and not in control of my body. I knew if I was going to be around those areas and without the protection of the patrols then there was no way I wasn't going to have control of my body."

My thumb had started to move in circles over her hand. I was going between pride, rage and disbelief through her story. I think I already knew the other reason but I still needed to ask. I also think she needed to say it outloud too. Because I could see it there in her eyes. I didn't know how I was going to react to hearing her say the words, but she needed to say them.

"What was the other reason you refused the pain medications for?" I got out softly trying to hold in the rage I was feeling at the men that were responsible for her feeling weighed down with guilt.

"Punishment. It was my punishment for not being more aware. For allowing it to happen and for changing the course of our city's path because of one foolish and careless action." I started to speak as did Zach and Chase. To deny that she had anything to feel guilty about but her chin raised and her eyes went to fire as she shook her head.

"You can try and tell me it wasn't my fault and yes I know it wouldn't be entirely my fault. No matter that I was barely ten; I can still take responsibility for my actions. It gave those that wanted the vote to go a certain way the opportunity to exploit. They preyed on a father's desire to protect his children, to protect other children like me. I can still remember my father's face as he sat beside my bed when I came out of surgery. There was no blame from him, though I could see there was such worry and disappointment. I could see the decision weighing on him heavily and every wince from pain I made against my will, I think just strengthened his choice and resolve."

"Does he regret it, his decision?" I asked with no malice, but honest curiosity. I had a conflict that was starting to rage in me at her entire story. How much of it was truth and how much of it was the skewed view of a young girl that might have been also warped by her parents? Kat didn't seem the type to just blindly follow along with or to not need to question things. Even with her parents apparently.

She tilted her head in thought before she answered. "I think that he has found a way to live in peace with that decision. It was one he felt with every fiber of his being was the right one. Not just for his family but for his faction and the factionless. You have to understand that my father really does and has always believed in the mission of Abnegation. I once had a long talk with him about the factionless and his feelings on them and their choices that led them to that type of life. I can see his points on them and some I don't agree with but I get where he is coming from. Some of the factionless are there because they were forced to be there. Given the choice they would have rathered be with either the faction they had chosen or the one they had come from. For reasons known only to them, they had no choice and were forced to go. Others it was completely their choice and they abandoned everything to live that life. My father, mother and people like them aren't there for the people that willingly chose that. They are there for those that had no choice, the children born to it or the ones forced into it. Our founders set Abnegation up for just this purpose and if they don't serve it, who will? It isn't glamourous. It is a thankless job with long hours and hard work. It can be hard on the soul too, to see suffering like that. In so many ways it is like Dauntless. We both serve these purposes that are looked down on by most other factions. We get no thanks, not like we are looking for any really. What would our society be like without either of our factions though? Without those willing to put their own needs aside and take on everything from the shit jobs to the ones that help shape our city. Without those willing to lay down our very lives for the people that call us brutes and barbarians but we do it proudly regardless?"

For the first time since I had pulled her hand in mine, she removed hers. She cupped her hands around her cup of coffee and got a spaced out look on her face, as if she was caught up in her reflections.

She couldn't know it but this entire conversation had started wheels to turn in my mind. I realized that just from talking to her those wheels had long been stalled at one point of thought. It would be hard for me to reconcile what has been drilled into me for longer than I can remember with what I am hearing from Kat.

Zach turned the conversation to something else while we ate. She might have moved her hand from mine but I hadn't moved my hand for where it had been. Now my hand was on her knee and she didn't seem to mind.

"So is there _anything_ you didn't train in?" Zach asked with a laugh.

We had gone to the subject of her training this morning and the move she took me out with. She had a list of things she had been trying to teach herself or was taught and it was long.

Kat laughed with a smile. "Of course there is plenty I didn't train in! You have to remember most of what I learned I had no one to practice it on because it has all come from books or my mind. The main thing I couldn't train in has been weapons." She pauses and smirks then chuckles. "Well, firearms are really what I couldn't train in. I know about throwing knives and some other weapons that could be considered ranged but were more readily available for me to get. I made trades where I could to get throwing knives. I even got to sneak to Amity a few times and a few of my friends from school there helped me learn to make a real old school bow and arrow. I was shit at first but you have to be pretty specific about how you make the arrows. That was just for shits and giggles really, I didn't expect it to be a real skill needed here but I couldn't pass up learning it."

I couldn't help but join in chuckling along with my friends. Chase made a joke about her carrying a bow and arrow around Dauntless instead of a gun. She pretended to pout and laughed but then got serious on us as she tilted her head in thought. I could almost see the wheels turning in her mind as something occurred to her.

"Seriously with the right composition though, maybe making it out of some kind of metal, it could be a serious weapon. I mean think about the damage one arrow loaded with something like Greek Fire, which granted was volatile but was effective, but think about the impact it would have. Weight and stealth would be at ultimate levels while cost could be kept at a minimum. Materials could be a breeze to get and it wouldn't even need to be contracted outside of Dauntless to make. Wow, there are so many damn possibilities really….." She stopped and looked to me, her face flushed. "I am rambling." She supplied with a smile and I shook my head.

She wasn't rambling, she was brainstorming and it was such a turn on to have watched that take place. I couldn't show that or tried not to so I chuckled and shrugged. "Why don't we save that little brainstorming session for another time. It's time to get to the training room."

Chase helped me to clean up after breakfast while Zach and Kat moved into the living room. He was showing her the bookcases and they were talking about my books.

Chase caught my eye with one of his eyebrows quirked at me. "So how did that happen?" He indicated her with his head.

I shrugged as I scraped plates then handed them to him to rinse and put in dishwasher. "She needed breakfast and if I hadn't insisted she probably would have just kept training."

Chase smirked and nodded at first but then he turned to me fully and spoke quietly. "Just be careful here Eric. I can already tell you there are going to be at least a few of the transfers that will already be gunning for her and her sister. They are going to look for any excuses but if they get wind of any kind of special treatment they will give her shit in very nasty ways."

I scowled at him but I already knew he was right. It was part of why I felt the need to help train her. Because I knew she was going to come under attack. The thought of how far Dauntless had come in regards to how internally brutal we could be had been weighing on me.

I brush aside that for right now and answer him. "I'm just making sure she reaches her full potential here. Besides...I already have orders…"

I trail off at that and his face when it darkens then grips the counter while staring me down. "What kind of orders Eric?"

I sigh and run a hand over my face as I shrug. "Just to watch her for now. They don't want her, it's her sister." Or at least I fucking hope against hope it is her sister.

Chase snorts and shakes his head. "If they want the one they are going to want the other. If that is the case Eric…." he stops and looks at his hands with a deep frown "...maybe it would be better to just back off completely."

I knew he wasn't saying what he was thinking too. That it would hurt not only Kat but all three of us, to have to turn her over in the end and having got so close to her. Hell, I was already feeling hurt at the thought of it.

I couldn't help the rage that came over me. I realize he is right. No matter if she isn't what they suspect...what I suspect...because they want her sister they will want her too. Jeanine wants all Prior's in some way or another. There would be no way with how fucking obsessed she is with Marcus and the Prior's that she wouldn't want them both no matter if they aren't divergent or not.

I put the plate down and gripped the counter. What was I going to do? The answer should be so fucking simple and maybe before Kat crashed to the roof and my life it would have been. Maybe before I woke up from the dead husk I was becoming I could have stood by and allowed that to happen. Not now though.

Now I need time to think and plan. I need time to clear my mind and I should take that time to stay away from her.

Her laughter at something Zach was saying drifted to me and felt like I was being surrounded in warmth. I knew that it wasn't going to fucking happen. I wasn't going to be able to stay away.

I hurried to finish what we were doing so we could set out for the day. I was already wondering how I could get her to spend lunch with me as we split off from Chase and Zach. I was in thought so at first I didn't realize there was a change in how Kat was behaving next to me.

She was walking just a step behind me in a stiff and formal manner. I knew she wasn't afraid to be seen with me, that wasn't what it was. She had distanced herself from me and had the expression and aura of a chastened student. She must have felt my eyes on her because she looked at me, smiled and winked quickly, before wiping all that away and going back to the way she was.

Internally a shit eating grin took over everything inside of me. I had so many feelings that just flooded me at once from such a simple damn thing with her. Pleasure that I didn't need to say anything to her about needing to not announce our…..friendship….was palpable. Pleasure that she also wasn't ashamed or afraid of being seen with me but knew we needed to maintain an image just amplified everything I was already feeling.

I also felt relief that I wasn't going to have to possibly offend her by having to set rules to the friendship I can see we are developing. I had worried that she would get all in her feelings and have them hurt when I couldn't act in public like I had just been doing in private. That would have been a nightmare that I wouldn't know how to handle.

That all of that was just...unspoken and understood...was like she got me. My back went straighter, my chin higher and my glare even more fierce as we walked together. I am sure that those we passed thought I was pissed about something the new initiate had done but it was just fucking pride, desire and the growing need for the day where she could openly be by my side that caused it all.

*****Page Break*****

Weapons were first up for the day. I had internally been looking forward to how Kat was going to react to this from the moment we had started to talk about the subject at breakfast. Just the mention of them had caused her to bounce in her seat and I had been able to feel her energy levels shoot up in a buzz from beside me.

I wasn't disappointed in her reaction. Pleasure, respect and barely restrained excitement glittered behind her eyes after Four had shoved a gun into her hands then her sister's. I also couldn't help but notice the difference between the two, who were standing side by side, considering it was so glaringly obvious to me.

While her sister seemed to be in some kind of internal battle of wrongness, Kat was eager but watchful. They were both watching everything Four was showing them. Knowing Kat the little that I do now, though, it was like I could see the wheels turning in her mind as she shouldered the weapon. She was taking forever to do anything with it at first. The other initiates were already firing, even her sister. It as like I was being pulled by a magnet to her to find out why. I knew she wasn't afraid so what could be the reason she wasn't firing yet?

"Is there a problem, Initiate?" I asked in the same tone I had used with her earlier. Anyone else might hear menace behind it but I knew by the flash in her eyes Kat heard the same tone. I didn't have my normal sneer I would have put to the tenor and question for anyone else.

Kat shook her head as she looked over her shoulder at me. "Sir, no Sir. I am trying to adjust the gun to my own build and weight. I am also trying to let my muscles memorize the movements of raising and lowering the gun."

A small smirk escaped me as I nodded approvingly. Then I noticed that the gun was cradled a little too high and was going to have more force on her collarbone than needed. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around the gun to bring it down and more firmly into place.

"It will come back hard and the collarbone would be taking the brunt of the force. Try to make sure to secure into the crook of your shoulder with as little contact to the collarbone as possible." My tone was gruff caused by the contact of her skin against mine. I spoke as firmly as possible though to try and make up for this and hoped it didn't show.

I would have liked to stayed there like that as she fired her first shot but I knew she wouldn't appreciate it. Her first shot would be done on her own. So I let my hands drop but stayed close behind her, towering over her in height but not to intimidate her. Once again I knew it was only pushing her instead of unsettling her.

I could feel Four's glare at me from down the roof but didn't bother turning to look. "Now fire." I ordered her commandingly.

"Yes Sir." She replied as she sighted the target, took a slow deep breath in and released just as slowly while she squeezed the trigger.

Her shot landed two inches to the left of the center target. I could tell by the way her shoulders tensed and her lips thinned that she was upset with herself for not getting the center of the target. I couldn't tell her it was a damn good shot for a first time and not to be upset. She wouldn't have liked those words anyways. She thrived in trying to improve herself and she would only use this to drive her along.

I saw her make the minutest of changes to her sighting and posture as she fired again. By her third shot she had reached the center circle and by the fifth she had reached the center of the center. I stayed there for all of that and when she made the bullseye I placed my hand on the small of her back briefly, without thought, before I realized it and moved off.

I was back to barking out orders and observing others as I went but I heard the snide words drift to me from Peter, the Candor she had pushed from the train, beside her.

"Well, it looks like at least one of the stiffs isn't afraid to use sex to get her way." He said in a drawling voice that set my nerves and anger on edge.

My eyes bored into him but Kat never responded. She did however look down to the target he was shooting and a smirk crossed her face. He was still way outside of the center area even though he was hitting the target in general. It took him several tries to even get that at first.

Her dismissive look seemed to be her response as she moved her eyes to her own target again and began to fire as fast as she could get them off while still maintaining the proper aim and stance. Her shots hit the center every time and my smirk widened. She might not be verbally responding but she was responding in the best way possible. He was questioning her skill, so she responded with that skill to prove his words as lies. For a Candor that was the worst rebuff she could have given.

Watching the exchange reminded me of Chase's words. I would keep an eye on the little shit but I was already brewing an idea to keep him in line. After that I kept my distance as much as possible from her. As soon as lunch was called, though, I had motioned her with my head to let her know she needed to stay behind.


	8. That's What You Get

**A/N: Here is the next installment. Our crazy kids hit their first snag. By the way...I kind of have this thing of using song titles as titles for stories...so I carried it over and some of the chapters are song titles while others are just random titles I hope fit the tone of the content. Hope you are all enjoying the story! Thanks for every review I get..I love that you are letting me know how you are liking it. Also thanks for all the follows, favs, and just views of the story!**

 **Chapter 8 - That's What You Get**

 _Kat_

"Kat, you have been dismissed for lunch. Maybe you should join the others today. And where were you this morning? I didn't see you at breakfast and you weren't in your bunk. None of the others even remember you getting up or leaving." Four had practically stormed up to me where I was breaking down my gun at the table full of the ones used today.

They were the first words he had even tried to say to me today but I had felt his glares and anger from the moment I walked into the training room, slightly behind Eric this morning.

I refused to look at him but instead gripped the gun in my hands tighter as I was quickly disassembling it. Eric had motioned me to stay so I was using this as the pretence of why I was staying behind.

"Sir, I plan on having lunch as soon as I have broken down these guns. I thank you for the suggestion of joining the other transfers but I am not sure where I sit is your business…. _Four_. I believe that there are no rules about being up as early as I like to get to know my new faction. I broke no rules and couldn't sleep anyways." I stop and finally look to him, my eyes taking on an angry glare. "Maybe you should show this same level of concern and worry about your recruit that can't seem to keep his sobbing to at least a low decibel level that would allow all others to get much needed rest."

I finished this last bit with a huff, knowing I was walking a dangerous line. I was trying with everything I had to keep myself respectful and not go personal but he just wasn't doing the same thing. I stopped breaking the guns down and turned to face him fully when I realized my hands were flying over the break down and I was trying to draw it out.

Four quirked his eye and shook his head. "First, watch your tone with me Initiate." His tone went soft and quiet as he held my eyes for a moment. Then he sighed and continued. I knew there was worry behind this all but he lost all right to that long ago. "It isn't a good idea to go wandering around the compound at any time, Kat. Stick with Tris. I thought you would want to make sure she was doing ok here. Do you plan to just abandon her?"

Anger started to course through me when he brought my sister into this conversation. Using guilt to try and manipulate me? How fucking like his father! I was about to launch into telling him just that when I realized that Eric had moved to stand beside me.

"Four, don't you have something you should be doing right now? This initiate is breaking down the guns as _I_ requested. I will make sure she makes it to the dining hall if you are so worried about her losing her way." Eric's tone was the same he had used on Four in the dining hall yesterday. I could feel the animosity between the two then and now with no one around, it was thick in the air.

Four never took his eyes off of me when Eric had come closer. His lips thinned though and went even tighter when he saw the look of amusement flitter across my face before I could bring it back. "We will be talking later, Kat." He ground out lowly before his eyes moved to Eric.

They stood here exchanging glares before Four finally huffed and walked off to the stairs that led back to the training room. I growled as I heard the door slam and rolled my eyes before I turned back to breaking down the guns. A hand stopped me on the last one and I turned my eyes to meet Eric's.

He had a scowl on his face but I couldn't place what might have caused it. "Do I need to worry about something with you and _Four_?" It came out snarled and deadly, causing my eyes to widen slightly.

I couldn't understand what he was meaning and my forehead furrowed in a frown of confusion. "I am not sure what you mean Sir…" I had started to speak but Eric moved in closer and interrupted me.

"Kat…." He started to speak but then stopped suddenly. His scowl softened as he looked at me. "I would like if you called me Eric, not Sir." His tone was still demanding but I think that was just Eric. I don't know that he knew any other inflections to use. It was also, warm, in the demand, as if I truly did have the option.

I smiled shyly as I nodded. I knew this wasn't exactly proper but Four does have us call him by his own name. "Eric then."

He gave me a sideways grin but then that went away quickly and a frown crossed his face. "Is there something going on or was there something between you and Four?"

I shook my head after a brief tilt of it as I thought of how to respond. "There was never anything romantic going on. I guess it would be stupid to deny that I knew him from before transfer. I am sure he doesn't want it known. We were friends and after he transferred he did come to see me as I was out and about the sectors. On my side there was never anything but friendship."

"But on his side there was more?" Eric's eyes seemed to blaze with a blue intensity I didn't understand and this time the demanding tone was anything but soft, it was angry.

I shrugged and frowned at him. "I don't know if there was or not but I think he thought at one point there was or should be. I quickly relieved him of that notion though."

I watched as rage, pure and blood chilling rage, along with hate passed over Eric's face. There was also a look of disgust and loathing that flashed through as he looked at me. That, not the rage, had me looking away from him and then moving to finish my task. My hands flew to break down the last gun and I put it down softly.

"Was there anything else that you need help with?" I asked softly but still not looking at Eric. Hurt radiated through me, making my stomach churn and eyes sting. I couldn't let it show though.

He didn't answer for a few minutes but I heard him taking long slow breaths. "No Kat. I was going to head to lunch too. Were you wanting to join your sister?"

He moved closer to me as he said this and I raised my eyes to meet his. I was feeling hurt at the disgust that I didn't understand. I was feeling upset at myself for feeling hurt when I shouldn't. He is still my instructor and I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

When I looked back to him, all that had been clear on his face was gone. I did see a brief flash of regret when our eyes met. I dismissed that because I didn't understand what that meant and I would rather not try to figure it out. What if he regretted having been friendly with me at all?

I shook my head and looked away again. "Not unless she has suddenly decided not to stick with the two Candor transfers. I am sure Uri, Lynn and Mar will be looking for me though."

Eric gave a brief nod. "I will walk you to the dining hall then."

I didn't have to fake my expression like I did this morning as I walked with Eric. This time I didn't have to fight myself to keep just slightly behind him. I did all of this automatically because of how I was feeling. It isn't like I haven't had someone look at me like that before. I have gotten looks like that all my life just because I wore grey. It isn't like I hadn't prepared myself to get those very same looks here because I had previously worn grey.

So why was that look on Eric's face like a knife to my gut? The better question was why I had allowed myself to connect, or at least I had thought I had, to him at all. I knew going into Dauntless his reputation. Knew of his attitude and temperament. So what had all of this morning been for him and why? Maybe it was just a big game for him. Another way to try and break the weak stiff and prove she doesn't belong here.

What hurt was that there was a voice screaming at me for being an idiot in thinking that and another screaming that I would be an idiot to not believe it.

We didn't talk the entire walk to the dining hall. When we got there I moved quickly away from him and to my friends. They were at the same table as the day before. So were Chase and Zach. I was pretty sure that Eric would be joining them as well.

Unlike yesterday or this morning he didn't engage me in conversation and I didn't try and engage him either. Lunch started out a little tense for me but it was almost impossible to stay that way with Uriah, Zeke and Chase at the same table. Before the end of it I was laughing along with the others and joining in conversations.

When it ended though, and it was time to head to the training room, apprehension took over me instead of hurt. I didn't know how what happened on the roof was going to affect training with Four or Eric.

 _Girl what have you gotten yourself into_?

I fell in step with Tris and the others after my friends and split off.

"The prodigal sister returns to the fold!" Will said with a cheeky smile at me and a wink.

I started to laugh but stopped when I caught the glare and scoff from Christina. I started to say something back to her but Tris linked her arm with mine.

"What happened you this morning?" She leaned in and asked me quietly.

I sighed and shrugged. "I honestly couldn't sleep. Laying in bed seemed pointless so I got up and went for a run then explored a few things."

Christina was eyeing me closely and I know she was looking for me to lie. Her lips thinned at my answer because there was no lie there. I smirked a little bit as Tris nodded beside me. All of that was true. What I had explored wasn't a place but that didn't need to be said. I still didn't know what to make of this morning or this afternoon and I knew I would need the time to sort through my thoughts on that.

"I was thinking of starting to run in the mornings." She said while chewing her lip a little.

"It might not be a bad idea, Tris. As well as getting in more training when you can. We both know how everyone else is looking at us." I said as quietly as I could.

She nodded and sighed sadly as we made our way into the training room. We would start the physical portion of learning how to fight today. I kept my head down and kept to not letting everything show as I worked the bags and did exactly what Four had been showing us and only what he had showed us.

Eric had been nowhere in sight and for some reason I wasn't as relieved as I thought I might be or as I should be. I knew in that moment that whatever I was starting to feel for the leader needed to stop. It was clear there would be nothing on his part and I didn't like the feeling of hurt that inspired in me.

Four kept his eyes on either Tris or I often. When he would make his way over to adjust her and lingered, I hoped that I was the only one that noticed. I realized by the end of the day that along with my worries about Tris and my hurt about Eric, I now had to worry about the shadow I developed.

He never said anything he was just always there, lurking, and when I glanced to him he would sneer but it didn't reach his eyes. No in his eyes there was something else that I couldn't exactly determine but one thing was clear in them, curiosity. That disturbed me more than his hate or scorn might have.

 _Please lord don't let me have caught the eye of Peter Hayes!_

 _Eric_

"You going to tell me what the hell happened?" Chase demanded of me as we walked to the training room that the Dauntless born were using. I was already scheduled to make an appearance there for the second half of the day and I didn't know if I was happy about the reprieve or not.

My face was impassive as we walked and at first I ignored the question, knowing exactly what Chase was referring to. It wasn't hard to know that he would have noticed how Kat was at lunch. How upset and crushed she had looked for the majority of the meal. How I avoided looking her way and she did the same with me.

I can't believe how bad I have already fucked things up. Not even here a day and I have already screwed things. I can't look at her now without feeling guilty as hell for my reaction after I had figured out that fucking Four was the person that she was talking about during that first lunch. The one that had been her first kiss.

It shouldn't have been something I got upset at her about at all. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did or at the very least not let it show. It hadn't been my rage that had her moving away from me in hurt. No, that she had barely blinked at. It had been when I showed the disgust and loathing that flashed inside of me as images of her and Four bombarded me as soon as I looked at her.

"I will ask you again, Eric. What. The. Fuck...happened with you and Kat?" Chase said and stopped me right in the middle of the corridor before we got to the training room.

My lips thinned and I looked around. "It was Four." I blurt out in frustration and anger then watch as Chase's forehead furrows in confusion.

"It was Four that got her so upset?" Chase asked disbelieving.

I shook my head in denial, feeling flustered in all my emotions. "No..I mean, yes. He upset her on the roof when he confronted her and was being even more of a dick than usual. That isn't what I am talking about. It was Four….her first kiss...was fucking Four." I spit out. The rage and hate rushed right back to the surface.

Chase stood stunned for a minute but then sighed and nodded. "I knew there was something up with the two of them. I just thought they knew each other and she didn't like him much."

My shoulders fell a little and I rubbed the back of my neck. "I don't think she does like him very much really." I admit and feel even more like shit for my reaction.

Chase groans and then shakes his head as he is putting things together. "How bad was it?"

"It wasn't pretty. I blew up at her but she didn't even blink about the anger. It was when I….." I couldn't even say it without feeling a knife twisting in my stomach "I might have reacted like I was disgusted with her. Maybe even that I….I hated her."

I had been looking away from Chase so I didn't see his reaction. When I did, I took a slight step back at the pure anger towards me he had plainly written on his face. "Well then I think you have some making up to do or you can walk away. Because if that is the case then Four isn't going to just let things slide with you and Kat. It will only get worse and anytime he pulls his little stunts Kat is going to be in the middle of the two of you. If she gets hurt again because of either of you….it won't be pretty if I find out."

He doesn't wait for my response before he turns and slams into the training room. It was going to be a sucky day for the Dauntless-born with how he automatically started to bark out orders. I followed in and stood back to observe, giving him his room and allowing myself time to think.

He wasn't wrong. Four was going to be a problem even before I made the connection about their involvement. Four was protective of female initiates generally. He went too soft on them in my opinion and always had. Kat was from Abnegation and that would make Four all the more protective of her and her sister. That there was a previous romantic connection, it was going to raise tensions even without a hint of my own interest in Kat.

Did I want to stir that up even more than it would be already? If word got back to the other leader's, or heaven forbid fucking Jeanine got wind of anything, then I would have hell to pay. On the other hand I was told to keep an eye on things so I could always use that as an excuse. The problem was that I didn't want to use that as a cover. It made me sick to my stomach to even think of the reason that would be a cover to use in the first place.

 _If you don't, you know she will just have someone else do it in place of you._

She would too and I couldn't guarantee who it would be or that I could do anything about….anything...if she demanded them both.

"You made your decision yet?" Chase asked me quietly after he had come up beside me without me even being aware.

I blinked and looked over to him. My decision? I don't know that there ever really was a decision. Just a lot of excuses to try and veer me from a course I didn't want to veer from.

"There never was one to make, man. I just don't know how to make it up to her." I replied truthfully and with a shrug.

Chase shook his head and shrugged. "I am guessing honesty is the best policy here. Or at least a little bit of honesty. You aren't going to be able to hide your hate for Four. He isn't going to hide his for you. It might be better to prepare her."

He had a point and I resolved to try and get her alone tonight after dinner or at the very least in the morning when I knew she was going to be training. To let her know that Four and I had a history that wasn't always great. That it got the better of me at times but that he didn't help in his behavior towards me either.

Before training could even finish I knew finding Kat wouldn't be happening. I had been summoned to Erudite. It wouldn't be for another week and a half that I would even have the opportunity to glimpse Kat and by then my mind and emotions were a mess.

Turns out that Kat wasn't the one with the strange aptitude test, but what happened in her test was enough to give Jeanine any excuse to want her as well. They wanted both of them under observation, close observation. Then when or if they made initiation and the time came, we were to hand them over.

I had my orders, the question was, what was I going to do about them?


	9. With Or Without You

**A/N: I found out my trigger..I get a review and endorphin course through me making me lose my mind in giddiness and before I know it I am hitting the post new chapter button. So thanks DYK, leek812, and tigpooh67...you have all completely drugged my up to the point of loopiness and broken my resolve!**

 **Here is another chapter for you guys.**

 **Disclaimer: I still do not own the divergent universe..that is all V Roth. I am still just the girl throwing stick figures into her thunder dome.**

 **Chapter 9 - With or Without You**

 _Kat_

I plopped into my seat at lunch in a huff. My friends all looked at me in concern the instant I slammed down my tray as well.

It was silent for a moment before Lynn broke it, her tone worried. "What's up?"

I couldn't even answer her or the question really. It was everything going on in my mind and in my life at the moment that had me feeling like my patience and anger was being stretched thin.

I still hadn't seen Eric since after lunch over a week ago. I had almost hoped that first morning after I drug my tired ass from bed to the training room that he would show up. He hadn't. He still hadn't made an appearance in training so far for the last week and a half either.

I was angry with myself for being angry that he wasn't there. He was a leader and probably had many other things to do then be hanging around an initiate. I got that, I didn't like the thought, but I got it.

As always I had come into lunch and seeing only Chase and Zach there let me know I wouldn't even be able to sneak looks at him during that time. He hadn't been at dinner or at the Pit for any of that time. I was beyond frustrated with myself for feeling any kind of way about any of that.

Then there was dealing with the others in my training group. Molly, Drew and Peter were the worst of the culprits but honestly Al and Christina weren't that far behind them either. I wanted to be around my sister more but she was just so damn loyal and refused to abandon the others.

Peter hadn't stopped shadowing me, to the point where he was always right there. Sometimes he was taunting me but he seemed to target Tris more than me. During runs he was always uncomfortably close even though I was purposely hanging back with Tris.

Last night in the Pit he had broken away from his goons and I saw him everywhere I went. He had spent a good hour hanging around the tattoo parlor when I was in there talking with Tori and Bud.

Bud must have sensed my unease at this because before I knew it I heard Peter screeching. Bud had insisted if he was going to hang out in there he needed to get something done. I don't even want to know what the hell Bud talked Peter into getting that required him to have to go to a back room. Or why he was walking like he had a bowling ball between his legs. Suspicions were enough.

Not to mention Tris had remarked that it was _Peter_ who had confronted _Four_ that first morning when he went to wake everyone up about where I was and was that allowed. Apparently Peter had asked what kind of trainer he was if he couldn't keep track of one little girl.

The last thing that had me feeling pissed and about to snap was the glimpse I got of the board in the training room. The one that Four had just listed who each of us would go against in our fights when we came back from lunch.

The space beside my name had me going against Mayra. The space beside Tris' name had her going against...no one. She would be sitting it out and I might as well be. Granted there were an odd number of us so someone was bound to sit out but he had chosen Tris.

He was allowing his personal feelings to interfere with our training. He might think he is helping but he isn't. He is making this worse for us. He is making it look like even our damn instructors think the little Abnegation girls can't handle things. Like he has already written us off!

Christina had thrown a jealous look in Tris direction behind her back when she saw that Tris was sitting out. Granted, Christina didn't have room to be upset. She was matched against another girl, Sally, an Erudite who honestly wasn't much better than Mayra. Her look though was enough to make my temper just that much more strained.

I couldn't say even half of what was pissing me off but I could at least grumble about the fight match ups.

I stabbed my knife into the lump of meat that was apparently meatloaf with a scowl on my face. "Fucking fights….that's what's up."

Uri shrugs and looks confused. "I would have thought you were looking forward to them, Kat."

"I would be if I was being put against anyone that it wouldn't be a joke going against. Hell, I would even take the farm boy. But no...who do I get? Mayra….who I am sure the only reason she is here at all is because she is glued to her boyfriend's ass." I shovel a mouthful of the meat into my mouth and grimace. It needs something to make it at least a little palatable.

Chase smirks at me and holds out a bowl of something red. Ketchup will work. I practically slather the lump of meat with the entire bowls contents, causing my friends to laugh. I take another bite and then shrug with a smile to Chase. It does make it better.

"Not all of your fights can be against someone of your level, Kat." Chase answers my gripe with his head tilted. While his tone isn't what I would say is in his 'instructor mode' it is close.

"I get that, really I do. I know that some of them are going to be at least evenly matched or hopefully they might be more advanced. It's just that, Tris and I are already looked at like we aren't going to make it. They are all looking at us to fail. With Four matching me against Mayra right out of the gate and then having Tris sit out….it looks like even our fucking _own_ Instructor doesn't see us being able to hack it."

Lynn scowls at this and I can see her getting upset for me. To her that is an insult not only to me and Tris but to the entire process. Lynn is hard and had often said she thought the transfers were treated with kid gloves compared to Dauntless. I couldn't disagree but transfers have had less time to train than Dauntless-born. There was such a disparity in levels between even the worst of the Dauntless-born compared to the best of the transfers, that it was ludicrous.

Chase and Zach shared some look but I could also tell that this upset Chase. Mar spoke up before I could try and pry them for their thoughts.

"I know that right now it is pissing you off, Kat. But you are much more ready to face something then Tris. Another day to prepare for fights won't hurt her. Then tomorrow you both can show them they are all wrong." Mar supplied with a soft but confident smile.

Uri threw his arm around her shoulders and smacked her cheek in a kiss before pulling back with his mega-watt smile. "She has a point. If you want, we can run some interference and get your sister away from the Candor's tonight. Take her to the training room and work with her."

A slow smile spread across my face as I nodded. My mood picked up. "I like that plan, Uri. Tonight we steal my sister away and hopefully bring her into our fold."

"Lord help her. She should run now." Lynn muttered lowly but I could see her lips tilted in a slight smile.

"If you want, I can stop in and see what advice I can offer." Chase offered to the group but was looking at me with soft and concerned eyes.

I blushed a little and nodded. If he came then maybe Eric…

 _NO!_

I mentally scowled at myself for where my thoughts were going. I couldn't allow myself to think that way or hope for it. His look of disgust but also his clearly avoiding me let me know that wasn't going to be happening. I shouldn't accept Chase's help but I did like and respect him.

Zach and Chase hadn't changed how they acted with me. Sometimes Chase would walk me to the training room in the morning after I had first went to the dining hall to get coffee. Tris would come in halfway through my time and start her runs and own training, then we would go to breakfast together. She was getting better but was it enough?

Chase's advice help my sister and we needed that badly.

"If you have the time that would be great. I completely understand if you have other things to…"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to, Kat. After dinner I will met you all in the Dauntless-born training room." Chase waved away my concerns.

Lunch passed quickly as we wolfed down the meal in between Uri and Zeke joking as well as play fighting with each other. Four came over to the table and sat down. As soon as he did, I decided I was done with my meal and bolted away. I couldn't risk unloading on him in front of everyone. I had been very good about avoiding him outside of training.

I felt a pang of guilt when a hurt look flashed through his eyes. Then I remembered about Tris and him and the guilt went quickly away.

*****Page Break*****

As expected the fight against Mayra had been a joke. It only took a few well placed hits to her from me and she was down. I tried to make it fast so that I wasn't hurting her more than necessary. I also tried not to show my disgust in how unsuited for Dauntless she was. I could tell by Four's expression that I wasn't fully successful in this. He looked angry and disappointed in me.

He could suck my….

Just….I didn't think he had any room to be disappointed with me in this scenario but he was always so quick to judge others based on how he thought they should act. That was one of our biggest source of arguments over the course of our friendship. I didn't know that would ever change.

I went to join Tris to watch the others after my fight.

"Tris, tonight after dinner, I have a way to get you more training. And some people to help. But…" I stop with a sigh as I look to her.

She bites on her bottom lip and looks to where Christina is standing with Al to the side of the room. She was talking to him after he had knocked Will out during their fight. He hadn't handled himself well during the fight or after Will went unconscious. There had been some confusion when Four had contradicted another Leader that had stopped in during the fights. Four had said that we could concede but then the leader, James, had said that there would be no conceding. We were to fight until one of us couldn't fight anymore.

"You don't want me to bring Christina." She finished for me.

I nod. "Look, I don't know why Four matched us like he did but it isn't helping how things look. There is one advantage to this though. It gives us both another day to get in training and come at this tomorrow. I got to show a little today but I wouldn't call my match a victory. Tomorrow you are going to have to show you aren't weak or to be written off."

She sighs and nods. "After dinner I will join you. I think Christina and Will might like each other anyways and they might like some time to themselves."

I wrinkled my nose at that thought. Will could do _so_ much better than Christina but I kept my mouth shut. Tris smirked at me and rolled her eyes. I let out a little laugh at her being able to read my expression.

"I really need to work on not letting everything show on my face." I mumbled, causing her to laugh even more.

The sound drew attention, unwanted on all accounts for me. Christina and Al joined us and I was forced to sit there and listen to them bicker. I told myself I could use this as practice in schooling my features. I am sure I failed, often.

Peter had also decided that the wall near us needed holding up and I felt his attention on us by the prickles that spread across my back where I can only speculate his eyes were during those times.

God, the day could not end soon enough.


	10. Sister, I See You

**A/N: Some good sister bonding time and a little bit more about why they are strained. Here is the last chapter for the night ladies and gents! (or is it...)**

 **Chapter 10 - Sister, I See You**

 _Kat_

Tris was turning red as we walked to the training room. I had just told her about why I thought Peter looked like he was constantly sucking on lemons since last night. It was leaving her speechless and red.

"Guys do that? I mean….get piercings there?" She gasped out when she finally got her breath back.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing but I had to admit I was turning pretty damn red myself. "Apparently they do but not just guys. Girls get piercings in….you know...their princess parts."

I could tell Tris was torn between mortification and laughter, until the laughter won out. "Princess Parts?" She gasped out, bending over to hold her stomach, laughing and walking at the same time.

We had also been walking through the Pit at the same time so her not so quiet exclamation had a few heads turning our way and my blush deepening.

"Well, what else do you want me to call it?" I smiled as I started to try and come up with other names. "Nether regions? Cave of wonders? The Abyss? Oh! I know!" I get a wicked grin as I look at her and she groans. "How about…." She slaps a hand over my mouth and shakes her head, eyes wide and red as a beet.

"Princess parts works. No need to go any further down that train of thought you just boarded." She is almost begging me to let it go.

I laugh into her hand and nod, my eyes glittering with amusement. It was strange to be able to act like this with my sister. Once we hadn't hesitated to joke or show affection. Then after the incident everything changed. I hadn't realized how much I missed this and her.

She pulls her hand away and smiled widely at me. "Come on, let's get to the training room." She grabs my hand then is the one pulling me along as we race towards the training room.

When we burst into the training room, still laughing, we find Chase leaning against a wall with his tablet phone out and the others in various states across the training room.

Uri perks up at the sound of laughter and smiles on our faces. He has never been one to handle being left out of fun or jokes well. "What's so funny? What did I miss?"

"Nothing!" Tris and I yell at the same time then look at each other before bursting into laughter again, turning red.

"Awww come on! That isn't the look of nothing." Uri pouts as he walks over.

"Nothing we want to or can relay, Uri. Drop it." I command him, still red from laughter and embarrassment.

"Two former stiffs red as hell. Has to be something to do with s.e.x." Lynn smirks over at us as she walks closer, spinning a knife in her hand.

"You would be wrong. It had nothing to do with the act of sex." I reply truthfully before moving to change the subject. "So what do we want to do first?"

Chase had looked up from his phone and was holding in laughter apparently. I shot him a pleading look for him to intervene causing him to chuckle and push away from the wall.

"You can start by running laps." His grin is wicked at all of our groans. "Hey, I don't have to be here. Do what I say or this ends now."

Knowing he is spending his off time here helping my sister when he could be out partying or hanging out with his friends, straightens me up. I grab Tris' hand and pull her along. Tonight is going to be hell but it will be worth it come the morning. At least, that is what I try and tell myself.

*****Page Break*****

Tris and I lay panting, dripping in sweat next to Uri, Mar and Lynn on the floor of the training room. She might not be able to breathe at the moment and looks ready to pass out, but Tris is also wearing a smile. She did really good during the training. Having Chase there helped but I think Lynn helped the most. Lynn could not and would not show Tris slack. So when Chase paired her to spar against Tris, she didn't pull punches much.

At first it hurt, seeing my sister take so many hits. Seeing her blood when Lynn made a punch connect to her lip, causing it to split open. I barely restrained myself from dashing into the middle of them and tossing Lynn off her then going at my friend myself. I didn't realize I was showing that so much until I felt Chase's hand connect with my shoulder as he held me in place and to stop my agitated bouncing.

His look was of understanding but also hard. He was telling me without words that I needed to let her do this. I could only nod and watch the two again. Tris was much tougher than she looked. It made me think that maybe Four did help her out as much as he could or was willing to before she choose Dauntless despite his attempts to talk her out of coming here. It also reminded me that I had been doubting my sister belonging in Dauntless for the past couple of years because of my feelings about Four and all of that. I resolved not to let my past with him taint my relationship with my sister again.

I would need to find a way to tell her about that at some point. But not now, that would wait until we were both members. I don't want her to lose focus right now.

When we had all caught our breath Tris looked over to me, still smiling. "Kat, would you do me a favor?"

I licked my lips and thought that a big bottle of water sounded fantastic about now. "If it involves getting water in my system, then count me in."

She chuckled and shook her head. "That does sound wonderful but not what I had in mind."

"Well, you guys getting water sounds like something you all need. We are done for the night. Go grab some water before you need to head to the dorms." Chase ordered. He was on his phone again and threw a wave at us as he walked out of the training room.

Tris groaned a little as Lynn had popped up to put a hand down to help her up.

"What's the favor?" I ask, wincing a little at how disgusting and sweaty I am at the moment.

"I want to get a tattoo….together." Tris said shyly to me.

Her request surprised me a little. I guess it showed on my face and she shrugged. "I wanted to get something. I just didn't know what. But I was looking the other day and I found something. You don't have to get the same thing but...I would like it if you did."

I could tell by her tone and look that the feelings I had earlier, of missing this ease with each other and closeness, she was feeling it too.

I smiled and linked my arm with hers. "I would love to Tris. I am sure Tori or Bud wouldn't mind working on us at the same time either if you wanted."

She beamed as we walked along to the Pit. My friends all shared excited smiles but Mar started chattering about dragging Tris to the shops too. I could tell that they were making it a point to welcome her into the group. By her smile, even through the mention of shopping, I could tell this made Tris happy as well.

*****Page Break*****

Bud was just cleaning where I had gotten the tattoo Tris and I had both agreed on when Tris finished with hers. I smiled at her when she looked over, a little pale from the process, and smiled back at me.

"Do you like it?" Tris asked uncertainly.

"I was waiting for you to finish before we go look at them together." I reply with a soft chuckle.

She impatiently waits for Tori to finish cleaning hers up then leaps up from the chair and drags me to the mirror with her. We stand side by side, looking at our reflections and the new ink along our collar bones.

The tattoo is a simple design really. It is all done in delicate black lines and is a simple feather with a long stem. The stem is broken up by the phrase 'alis volat propriis'; which means 'she flies with her own wings' in a flowing script. The feather part ends when parts of it look to be breaking off in the shape of four ravens. Two are smaller and flying higher while two are larger and flying towards the heart. They represent our family. Our parents are the larger birds flying to where we will always hold them, our hearts, while the birds representing us are flying away on our own.

She looks at me questioningly. Wondering now that we are looking at the tattoos side by side if I like what she picked out. I had added the words to summarize the feeling we were going for with the tattoo but otherwise the design had been all Tris.

"I love it, Tris. It is perfect." I say with a smile.

Mar and Lynn throw their arms around us, smiling and laughing as they drag us out of the parlor and to the shops. We only have an hour or so before lights out and they are determined to get Tris all new stuff before tomorrow.

I can only laugh at her pleading looks at times because I was just in her shoes. It seems like months ago not only a matter of just less then two weeks. I realize how fast things move here and how quickly things can change. I wonder if that is because this is Dauntless? I wonder if that is because of the air of danger and menace that lies under all the raucous laughter, parties and acts of daring?

When we pass people in the Pit going back to the dorms I see a look in their eyes. Like a warning that all those grizzled men and women are wearing.

 _Live it up now rookies, you might not be here tomorrow._

I squeeze Tris' hand as that thought runs through my head and resolve that we will prove them wrong. I will prove them all wrong but mostly I will make sure no one ever looks at me with the disgust that he looked at me with. Never again.


	11. What I Meant To Say

**A/N: No long note. Just hope you enjoy the new chapter. This is my answer in stalling to get ready for a bridal shower...posting a new chapter. But seriously thanks for all the traffic on the story, reviews and support!**

 **Chapter 11 - What I Meant To Say**

 _Eric_

It was late at night when I was finally able to make my way back to Dauntless. After the meeting I had to attend with Jeanine, I was ordered to take a team to Amity and wait to escort a transport from outside the fence to Erudite. I didn't know what was in the transport. I never do when we were called out to do this same thing. Three days in Erudite before spending almost a week in Amity at one of the fence post bunkers until we got the call the transport was inbound finally. I had been chomping at the bit to get the shit over with and the guards in the area were most likely praying for my quick exit too. They had gotten the brunt of my agitation by me kicking their asses. Sometimes literally.

The attack that a group of Factionless launched on this run had my head turning with the need to find out what they wanted so fucking bad they launched a suicide mission. I lost a few guys and I got shot in the process, so it was fair to say I felt like maybe I was owed a few answers. My request, shouted demand really, to Max hadn't gone over well.

He was pissed but I couldn't tell if it was at _me_ and my behavior after the attack or about the attack in general. I know he was worried and that worried me. Max was never anything but outwardly hard. There were moments where I could see a weariness showing through but they were very few and very brief. This job was hard on me. I couldn't imagine what it was like for the main leader of this faction.

I hadn't wanted to be fixed up at the Erudite MedCenter. I would have preferred to go to our clinic but I wasn't given much of a choice considering it had been pretty bad. I also wasn't given much of a choice in the fact that the families of my two guys that lost their lives would never really know what happened. All I could tell them was that they went out with me and weren't coming back. I didn't give a shit that the worst would automatically be assumed. That I was somehow behind their deaths.

I did care that they couldn't be recognized for their actions. For being the soliders we trained them to be, that they lived to be. It was another weight on my shoulders, letting me know how far we had gone from who our faction should be. Even though I knew I would have prevented their deaths if I could have, it still felt like their blood was on my hands. Something I had come to be able to live with, or had thought I had.

The only good thing about having been stuck with being treated there were the killer meds they gave me. By the time I made my way to my apartment in the dead of night you would never know I had been shot twice, or how close those shots had come to being my end. Even my clothes hid the damage in the dark of the compound. In the end I would only be left with two small round little scars to add to others I have gained in various ways over the years.

The entire time I had been laid up in the bed while the nanites ran through me, I thought about Kat. Wondering how I was going to handle all the plans that were in store for her. Wondering how I could stop them and if I should. Wondering if I could live with myself if I didn't. Worried that by the time I saw her again there would be no way to make up for my outburst to her. Then there was the fact that she was due to fight today and I had missed that completely.

I had been distracted when the attack came. I was distracted because Chase had been messaging me about that very thing. Kat's fight and who Four had her going up against. At first I was fucking relieved that she wasn't going against one of the guys when I wasn't there. Then what Chase had said, about her being so upset that he honestly thought she was going to snap, and why she was upset….it had got my blood to boiling.

Fucking Four! I always knew he was easier on the female initiates but I didn't think he would take it this far. It was obvious, so damn obvious too, and that worried me. He was never this glaringly obvious about favoritism or going against rules. For Kat and her sister though, his actions were clear. At least they were clear to those that knew him enough. To everyone else it would look just as Kat said it would look. Like the great Four, champion to the weak, thought that even the two stiffs were beyond saving.

Kat, given their history, I could understand. Her sister, now that I couldn't quite understand. He had her sit out completely? Was it because she is Kat's sister? Was it because she is a former stiff? Or is it because of something more? I would need to watch that closely because that could be a problem. A major fucking problem in more ways than one.

I had tried not to get jealous or let myself rage when Chase had then informed me later that night that he did training with Kat, her friends and sister. It was bad enough he had an entire damn week of hanging out with Kat. I tried to tell myself that if I was upset it was because he was giving them special treatment. So damn hypocritical of me, or would be if that were the real reason I was practically foaming at the mouth laying there in that damn bed.

No, the real reason was because anyone besides myself was working with Kat. Yeah, the others were there but all I could focus on was Chase was there and training with her. That was _my_ place. That was _our_ thing. And it had me seeing red at the images playing in my mind of the two of them.

I let myself into my apartment, stripping along the way to a much needed shower and sigh in relief when the stinging of the super hot water starts to hit my skin. I am being so damn illogical about this. I am being so fucking insecure too. Why wouldn't Kat want someone like Chase over me? He was much more personable, easy to get along with, capable, and a hell of a lot more socially stable. He did the relationship thing and had never had any issues in the getting a girl department

I am a dick with a capital D and that is on my good days with people I call friends. All other times and I barely talk to or tolerate anyone. I haven't had the urge to do anything that could be considered fun in ages. I don't know if I even know how to fucking have fun anymore. I don't laugh or smile easily. I am moody as hell with a temper to match. I over analyse everything and am just as paranoid about everything.

When the physical urge strikes me I hook up, get what I want and get out of there. While I don't have issues in getting what I want and when I want it, girls don't exactly line up or seek me out. It is never personal or what you would call passionate. There is never kissing or even real foreplay on my part. I fuck and I am gone because they never make it to my apartment, my personal space. It is cold and just a function of the body as far as I am concerned.

They are willing because I am a leader and it is a temporary rush for them to sleep with someone as dangerous as I am. Not that I wanted it, but none of them are interested in anything with me beyond getting the status symbol that being with me apparently gets them. Dauntless women can be just as bad about that shit as the men.

There isn't a single fucking thing that I can think of that would make a woman like Kat go for a guy like me. But I want there to be. I want to be the kind of man that she could see something with. I just don't know where or how to start that. I don't want her just for the physical. I don't want her to want me for that either. Never thought I could be an all or nothing kind of guy when it comes to this, but I am feeling exactly that for her.

The first thing would be to maybe make sure I didn't destroy any chance for anything with her. After that….after that I could come up with things later.

After I have myself cleaned up I toss myself into my bed and pass out, resolving that I would start by showing up for the self-training I am sure she would still be doing. I would have an answer in the morning and I could make plans from there.

*****Page Break*****

It took two cups of gulped coffee before I was even able to see enough to get out of my door that morning. The news would be spreading about the deaths of the men on patrol with me. There would be hard feelings and tempers. I needed to be alert to walk down these fucking halls. It wasn't something I hadn't become used to by now. I thought I had become numb to it but now I felt a pang that this was how my faction saw me. What they thought of me and what Kat would be hearing about.

I made it to the dining hall first, mindful of keeping to some semblance of routine. I also didn't want to look like some eager teenager ready to follow at the heels of some girl. Even, if I were being honest, I kind of felt like one at the moment. Because when I stepped foot into the dining hall the first thing my eyes landed on was Kat, sitting at the same table as Chase. I thought for a moment I might be coming down with some stomach thing until I realized what that fucking flipping was.

I scowled for a minute until Chase's pointed eyebrow lift let me know I needed to stop that if I wanted to make things right. I quickly made my scowl turn into a neutral expression, grabbed my coffee and made my way over to the table.

They had been in the middle of talking about something but Kat stopped and tensed when her eyes met mine. "Chase, Kat; morning." I got out after a moment's hesitation.

My greeting seemed to surprise her and that just made me feel even shittier about how I had behaved the other day.

"Morning Eric. Good to see you back from having to do those patrol runs. I am sorry about Gary and David, they were good guys and will be missed " Chase said in a tone that let me know he was trying to help me out by letting that slip.

Kat looked shocked and worried when she heard that and looked between the two of us. "You were out on patrol?" She looked me over, then realized what she must be doing so turned to her cup of coffee. "I am sorry to hear about anyone that was lost."

Not anyone _you_ lost. There was no accusation or blame in her tone. Just simple understanding and worry.

I nod to her, trying to keep my swallow small at what the worry I saw in her eyes did to me.

"They were good guys and good soldiers. It just shows that it could be any of us at anytime." I shrug as I say, trying to brush off the thought of just how close I could have come yesterday.

Chase grimaces slightly because he does know. "It's why we have to be the way we are during training. Not just initiation but member training too. Once you are a member, depending on the job placement you have, you will go through more in depth training."

Kat nods after taking a sip of her coffee. "That makes sense and I would hope that would be the case. Speaking of training though, I need to get to mine. I got a later start than I would have like this morning." She smirks a little at Chase.

He gives a laugh. "Can't blame that on me Kat. I told you guys to get water and head to the dorms. You were the ones that decided getting tattoos and shopping were more fitting activities."

Kat shrugs with a smile. "Worth it." The smile is one that holds meaning to her, soft and full of affection. Her hand runs over what I am just now seeing, a tattoo that lays across her left collar bone. I can't make it all out clearly through the neckline of her shirt but I think it is a feather with some words. I resist the temptation to pull the shirt aside so I can run my fingers along it and get a closer look.

I clear my throat and shift slightly. It isn't the first tattoo I had noticed on her. The morning that we shared breakfast I had constantly been drawn to the tattoo she had put just behind her ear. It would look like nothing important to just about anyone else but being from Erudite I recognized it. She had the chemical representation for adrenaline inked onto her. I wondered what Bud had said when she had presented that idea to him? I would need to ask him about it.

"If you give me just a moment, I will go with you." I say looking at her. It isn't a command really. It also isn't a question. It is a combination of the two and as close as I can come to being soft about a request.

She bites her bottom lip and flushes a little. "You don't...I mean I am sure you have much better things to do than to have to….I just don't want to inconvenience you."

She rambles this out, stopping and starting again mid sentence as if she doesn't want to refuse but doesn't want to accept either. She didn't refuse me outright though and that is a good sign.

"It isn't an inconvenience, Kat. I am sorry…..that I haven't been here or for yesterday." The apology feels awkward getting out. Not because it isn't the truth or that I am insincere. I am just not at all in the practice of apologizing to anyone or for anything.

She looks down and nods. "I understand though. I…..if you wouldn't mind then...thank you. I would like the opportunity to work with you again."

Her tone and wording is still more formal than what we had established before I put my foot in it, but it was a start.

Chase clears his throat and the amusement I know he is feeling at this whole awkward scene. "Well then, I guess I will see you two at breakfast. I think I heard Zach mention something about pancakes. Wouldn't want to miss out on that, Kat."

Gods fucking bless Chase. Her smile and laugh let me know that at least he saved me from having to have another awkward moment at the end of training. Now it was just up to me to not screw this up even more.

 _That might take a miracle._

I gulped down my coffee, then reached to take Kat's cup and put both of them up for us. She blushed at the action and even harder when I grabbed us both a few water bottles. We left the dining hall in silence after she gave Chase a wave and smile. She had a small bag of what I assume to be equipment she had been lacking before.

The walk wasn't exactly comfortable or uncomfortable. She walked with me as she had previously. Slightly behind me and always careful to look as if she would rather not be there. The scowl I had came naturally because I hated this already. I hated that if we were ever like this again, every time were going to be together like this, it had to be this way.

The end of that walk couldn't come soon enough. I wanted to get into the privacy of the training room so that I could talk to Kat more about why I had reacted the way I did. I wasn't sure how much I could or would say. I am not even sure how it was going to come out or how she would receive it.

I could only hope.


	12. It's Not You

**A/N: Here you guys go! Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 12 - It's Not You**

 _Kat_

I woke up sore and tired as hell. Al had another round of crying during the night. I am a hell of a light sleeper apparently because the instant he started up I was awake and groaning. I couldn't even stop the audible groan/growl that escaped me. I noticed a few others joined mine as well.

My watch going off wasn't welcome and after shutting it off I had lain there, pillow still over my head from when I had rolled to my stomach and pulled it over me. It was an effort to drown out the sniffles and sobs that had mostly worked.

Coffee. I would need coffee to be able to do this. It took longer to get up and dressed than it had the days previous. I don't even remember if I made my bed like I normally would. I blearily make my way to the dining hall. I collide with someone and with a chuckle the person steadies me.

"I am going to guess that none of you listened to me last night?" It was Chase speaking. I could only tell this from his voice and tone.

I sigh tiredly and shake my head. "I think it is honestly a combination of the fact that we went and got tattoos, did some shopping for Tris and that Al is still having issues with crying at night." I shrug and sigh gratefully when he puts a steaming cup of black coffee in my hand.

He guides me over to a table as I am too busy inhaling the coffee through my attempts to try and cool and drink it at the same time.

I take a seat and hear another chuckle from him. "I think I am just going to need to bring a pot of that for you at this rate."

I hum my agreement and approval as I finish taking my drink and start to answer.

I go instantly awake and aware with how my heart went into my throat and my pulse rate shot up.

Eric was there, at the end of the table. He was looking at me and I didn't see anything of the disgust from when we last interacted. I felt stunned looking at him but also stunned that again it was like I had some kind of sensitivity to his presence.

 _Shit this is not boding well for me already!_

"Chase, Kat; morning." His voice was husky with sleep, as if he had just woken up as well. The deep raspiness of it had my insides warming. That along with the fact that he was greeting me at all in a friendly, or friendly for him, manner had my eyes widening in surprise.

I could only stare at him, feeling like a damn fool, and not return the greeting.

"Morning Eric. Good to see you back from having to do those patrol runs. I am sorry about Gary and David, they were good guys and will be missed " Chase greets Eric. His tone is serious and grave, with a weight to it. The weight of death.

My eyes went between the two of them, worry coming over me as well as guilt. Here I had been thinking he was avoiding me and the entire time he had been doing the dangerous job that is our charge. Dangerous enough that two men were lost. I didn't realize until I had been doing it for who knows how long, that I had been looking him over. I couldn't see any injuries but I had this need to run my hands over him to search for any that might be out of sight.

"You were out on patrols?" My thoughts and urges making me turn red. I finally look away and to my coffee, trying to calm myself. "I am sorry to hear about anyone that was lost." I say sincerely.

He nods, taking a seat next to me and making me feel a relief at him being near. Why can't I stop myself from feeling this way when I so desperately need to? It would never be returned and shouldn't be.

"They were good guys and good soldiers. It just shows that it could be any of us at anytime." He shrugs casually when he says this but I wonder how many deaths he has seen. I also wonder how many close calls he himself has had. The thought of any at all leaves me breathless and angry.

"It's why we have to be the way we are during training. Not just initiation but member training too. Once you are a member, depending on the job placement you have, you will go through more in depth training." Chase adds this to the conversation.

I nod in agreement after I drink more of my coffee. I need to get out of here and fast. Being this near Eric is making me feel things that I don't need to be feeling. He might not be showing the disgust that he had previously but everything else still stands for me. It took a total of two days for him to be able to wound me. I couldn't imagine what any more time would give him the power to do to me.

Not to mention I had the delusion that he was avoiding me. As if he would even need or want to. I was no one to him other than a trainee. I could be no more than a trainee to him. Allowing myself to think there could or was more would only distract and hurt me.

"That makes sense and I would hope that would be the case. Speaking of training though, I need to get to mine. I got a later start than I would have liked this morning." I smirk over at Chase who is trying to look sternly at me when I mention my late start and tired appearance.

He doesn't succeed and gives a laugh. "Can't blame that on me, Kat. I told you guys to get water and head to the dorms. You were the ones that decided getting tattoos and shopping were more fitting activities."

I shrug with a smile as I remember the entire night and sharing those moments with Tris. How my friends made her part of the group and how wide her smile got. She looked young again and the weight of responsibility that had begun to weigh her down there at the end in Abnegation seemed to melt away.

"Worth it." I reply simply. I would never be able to put all of that into words and it would be revealing too much anyways. Something I had already done enough of to Eric, Chase and Zach. I needed to remember who they were compared to me.

Eric clears his throat and shifts. He is staring at my chest and I can tell he has noticed my tattoo. For some reason an image of him pressing his lips to the area comes unbidden to my mind.

 _Yeah, you need to go and now._

"If you give me just a moment, I will go with you." His eyes move from my tattoo to meet mine as he says this.

I am confused because it almost seems like he is asking me if it is ok. You wouldn't be able to really tell because there is still a command there but it is nothing like the normal ones I had heard from Eric before. The tone, my thoughts and his looks have me flushing. I bite my lip in thought because I do want him to, so fucking badly. At the same time it feels like it would just be asking for trouble for myself.

"You don't…." I stop because I don't want to say that he doesn't have to. Because of course he fucking doesn't! "I mean, I am sure you have much better things to do than have to…." Nope can't say that either because I am fighting myself. It would be a rejection and I just can't do that. "I just don't want to inconvenience you." I finally get out. It isn't a rejection but it puts it all up to him.

His expression softens and I realize he hadn't broken eye contact once during that whole time. Talk about intense.

"It isn't an inconvenience, Kat. I am sorry…." He pauses and looks pained. I don't think he does that often, apologizes. But what is he apologizing for? "...that I haven't been here or yesterday."

I don't know why he is apologizing for that. It isn't like he could help it or that he made some promise to me. I also don't know why the apology sends a little disappointment through me. What did or do I expect of him?

I look down, ashamed of my disappointment and nod to him. "I understand though. I….if you wouldn't mind then….thank you. I would like the opportunity to work with you again."

And that is all I will let myself think of it as or hope for. I will not let myself relax and think we are more than just Instructor and Initiate.

Chase clears his throat at the other side of the table from me. "Well then, I guess I will see you two at breakfast. I think I heard Zach mention something about pancakes. Wouldn't want to miss out on that, Kat."

At first I want to object and say I couldn't or shouldn't. But his joking nature and smile put me at ease. I also think it would offend Zach if I didn't show. So I instead laugh with a small smile and nod the tiniest bit.

After I had drained the last of my coffee my cup is quickly taken by Eric. He gets up and takes his cup as well as my own to the area where the dirty dishes are deposited. He then grabs several waters and makes his way over to where I stood at the table, waiting in stunned silence...again.

Chase chuckled and I turned to smile and wave to him before we made our way out. I was deep in thought the entire time we walked to the training room. It felt like a well established routine, this walk we had through the corridors. Me walking a few steps behind him and making sure to not act too familiar. It wasn't hard to do the last part because I was already schooling myself to keep it that way.

Whatever reason Eric had decided to take it upon himself to help make sure I was trained and properly, was most likely nothing more than part of being a leader. Maybe there was something that would benefit him in being able to take a 'stiff' and make sure she not only made it but ranked well? It could be nothing more than an experiment to see if that was possible. There were a million reasons he could be doing this and none of them would be what I was secretly hoping for to my very core.

It was useless to hope. Not for something like this.

*****Page Break*****

I expected Eric to stand to the side as he ordered me along during my activities. I hadn't expected him to join in right beside me as I worked through my cardio, do my run around the training room and then finally moved to start with the fighting portion of training. He did though and it felt natural. It was also extremely distracting to me at some points when I would glance over and get glimpses of his muscles rippling. Sometimes I felt as if he was watching me too but that would be expected considering he is here to help me.

I thanked god that my flushed skin wouldn't look out of place because of all the physical activity. We hadn't really spoken other than when he would make suggestions or instruct me on the run to slow down or pick it up at certain intervals.

When we moved to the next portion he stopped me and looked to be debating something. "Kat, you said you worked with knives before. We haven't gotten to that yet but I want to see where you are at with them."

I frowned for a moment but then nodded. It wasn't like I could disagree or argue with him. He was the authority here after all. So instead of sparring, working the bags or doing the fighting portion of training; I walked over to the area where the knife targets were. He had his own bag with him and I bit my lip in amusement when he brought out a bundle of cloth that he rolled out and had knives strapped to it.

I didn't hide my amusement very well because he smirked and shrugged at me. "Can you guess what a favorite pastime of mine is?"

I laughed outright at this and nodded. "I don't blame you. I like working with them as well."

"Then I look forward to seeing what you can do." He smirks over at me as he holds out the knives in challenge.

I smirk back at him and take them from him. I take up my position and gauge my target. I take the first knife and just take a few minutes to get the feel and weight of it down. I was also admiring the craftsmanship of them. I hadn't been able to get anything near as nice to work with previously. I would have to ask him about where he got these and see about getting some; after initiation anyways.

I am in the middle of doing all of this when I feel Eric step closer with a frown on his face. His eyes also look to be full of something, worry and apprehension? Is he worried I will choke or don't know how to throw? Well, the best way to cut that off would be to show him.

I launch my first knife down towards the target and smile when a solid thunk of it landing dead center in the chest sounds. From there I can adjust to get my aim for the heart down.

"I wanted to talk to you Kat, about the other day." Eric starts out in a strained voice.

My breath catches in my throat and the knife I had been in middle of throwing thuds well outside of the area I had been aiming. I clutch the knives remaining in my hand but refuse to look at him.

"There's….." I croak as if there is a frog that sucked in helium stuck in my throat. I clear it and shake my head. "I apologize but there isn't anything to talk about, Sir. I get that you have concerns about Four and our previous involvement. But I can assure you I would never allow that to interfere with my…"

"Kat" Eric doesn't quite bark out my name to get me to stop rambling but it is close. He also moves closer and takes my chin in his hand to make me look at him. "I need to apologize for my….behavior...towards you. It was uncalled for."

I frown in confusion but also because his closeness and the look of absolute apology in his eyes. I swallow and think I should tear my eyes away instead of allowing myself to be pulled into them but I can't.

"This is going to sound so fucking cliche." He gives a wry sideways smile. "But it really wasn't you at all, it was me. Or rather, Four and I. It probably hasn't escaped your notice he and I have issues. That is putting it mildly really. Sometimes my issues with him get the better of me and I…." He takes a breath as if he is going to admit something monumental to me, "I lose it. I try not to let shit he does or say get to me but it doesn't always work and I react. So that day on the roof it wasn't you but my own issues, long standing with Four."

He finishes softly and I realize he had started to stroke my cheek softly with his thumb as well. I almost can't process what is happening right now. For what feels like the millionth time this morning I am stunned speechless. All I can think is that I am still in bed asleep and everything that has happened so far will have been a dream.

There was no way that Eric Coulter, Second in Command of Dauntless, stern and fierce leader had just apologized to me. There was no way that he had also just admitted a weakness to an Initiate. There is no way that same leader, handsome devil that he is, is standing there with his hand on my face and tenderly stroking it...looking seconds away from kissing me.

 _Fuck! Maybe I passed out from exhaustion and am in so deep of a sleep that this is the result. Well, there is only one way to test that._

In my effort to pinch myself to check if I was dreaming, I failed to remember that I had knives clutched in my hand. The good thing was I confirmed instantly that I was most certainly not dreaming.


	13. Breathe Into Me

**A/N: Fresh from a wedding event and trying to wind down...so another chapter I am a posting. Here ya guys go!**

 **Chapter 13 - Breathe Into Me**

 _Eric_

She stabbed herself! Stabbed. Herself. FUCK!

After my apology and admission about my issues with Four, the silence had hung between us for what seemed like centuries. She didn't pull away but I hadn't been able to get a hint into her thoughts. Honestly, she looked like the proverbial deer in fucking headlights. That is until a flick of her wrist brought the knives she was holding down on her arm and I was too late to stop her from fucking jabbing herself!

Did she yell or scream or cry out? Nope!

"Oh shit. That's not good." Was all that she uttered in response as she looked at her arm and the three long gashes that crossed her arm bloomed in red.

"You think? Fuck!" I snarled out and drag her to the table where I can get anything to stop the bleeding. I got it wrapped as quickly as I could and ordered her to keep pressure on it. I quickly packed up my shit, grabbed her bag and then grabbed her elbow, pulling her with me to the clinic.

I wasn't even really thinking clearly about what I would say or how it would look. I was too angry at myself and wondering if I had messed up so badly that the woman _stabbed herself_ to get away from me.

"Eric!" Kat shouted and was pulling away from me. She finally got free and stopped in her tracks.

"What?" I growled out and reached for her to try and keep her moving.

She puffed out a breath, blowing hair that had broken free of her braid from her face. "I should go alone." She says calmly to me, but also with a look in her eyes that said she was serious and would take no arguments.

"Not happening. I need to make sure…"

"Eric." She stopped me again with a firm tone. "You can't." She smiles softly at me and shakes her head. "You know you can't. This morning...I know we shouldn't be…." She trails off and looks away for a moment. "And with what you just told me it will cause even more problems for you. If I go in and say I was practicing on my own, you found me and stopped me but I had already gotten hurt, then it can still be recorded. But if they...or he...thinks you were there the entire time….or at all Eric…"

She doesn't finish and she doesn't need to. This also lets me know she has heard things about me. I wish to hell I could say that it was all just smoke, some of the things I have done and been known to do, but it isn't. It is enough that people will assume I did this to her if it is even mentioned I was in the same area as her.

A rumble of a growl leaves me when I realize she is right. I sigh and let my hand drop from her elbow and think. "Fine. You go in but I am sending Chase to be there. Then you come up right after you are done, Kat."

I don't even feel bad about the orders I am giving her or that I am completely pulling rank on this matter. I hate sending Chase in with her but I trust him. Even knowing his feelings for her…..

She sighs a little but nods. "I will, Eric. I promise."

Well, one good thing did come out of this. I am back to being called by my name. I can revel in that later. Now I just need to make sure she gets taken care of.

"Good." I nod and was already in the process of whipping out my phone to message Chase. I felt her hand on my arm and my eyes shot to hers.

"Thank you, for the apology but also….for telling me about the thing with Four. Believe it or not Eric…" She stops and chuckles a little wryly "...I can completely relate. I am sure he doesn't really help matters but if you think it might be better to…"

"No!" I grit out, interrupting her, already knowing where she is going with this. I soften my tone and lessen the scowl that had started to cross my face. "No Kat. I just need you to know that, it will never be directed _to_ or _at_ you. I won't lie, it might get bad between Four and I but that would happen regardless. They are our issues to sort out though. I don't want it to change anything or stop whatever we…." I stop and breath, keeping myself from saying the word 'relationship'. That can't happen...not yet. I also don't know if she would even want it after what I had done. But I can deal with a friendship. For now.

"Yes, I am your leader and instructor, Kat. But I would also like it if maybe…..I could be counted a friend."

A slow smile and blush starts to spread across her face, and tension that had been coiled throughout me, seemed to lessen with that.

"I would like that, Eric." She says softly. Then in a move too fast for me to react to, she tips up on her toes and kisses my cheek. She pulls back biting her lower lip and then takes off in a run down the hallway.

It takes me a moment to realize the burning heat I am feeling in my cheeks and back of my neck is me fucking blushing. "Fuck me." I mutter but also smile at the same time. The phone is still in my hands, the screen went dark so I clicked it back and shot off my text to Chase.

His simple reply was; 'on my fucking way' then followed by 'we will talk about this later' right after. I sigh, shaking my head and turn to head to my apartment to wait it out.

I quickly found I am not as patient of a man as I once thought I was. At least...when it comes to Kat...I am finding I am not. If the fact that Chase literally shut his phone off to keep from getting messages from me is any indication, then I knew I was truly in trouble with Kat.

*****Page Break*****

Zach and I both heard the code being pressed into the door at the same time.

"Oh, thank fucking gods." Zach muttered loudly then shot me an exasperated look.

I scowled at him and his overreacting to my methods of dealing with the worry I had been feeling when Chase had gone dark on me over forty minutes ago. Apparently, pacing, growling and ranting were not acceptable methods to him but what did he expect? He should be happy that is all I did because I was feeling like tearing through a few people to let go of these feelings.

I don't even wait for them to open the door before I am whipping it open and immediately seeking out Kat. Chase must have anticipated this, because she was standing in front of him, his hand on her shoulder and him giving her a little push to go before him and towards me. He let his hand drop at the start of my snarl towards him.

Every instinct in me was telling me to pull her in, away from Chase especially, and to me. To hold her and run my hands over her until I could feel every inch of her was ok. I had to beat every single one of those instincts into submission but I did take her hand to lift up the arm that had been hurt.

It was wrapped in a bandage so I couldn't see anything. I looked to her questioningly. She shrugged with a sheepish expression. "I was talked into allowing them use healing serum instead of the stitches I was insisting on. It will take awhile to fully knit together but they said I am cleared for everything."

I look to Chase to confirm and he nods as he motions with his head for us all to get fully in the apartment. "She was being rather stubborn about it, but with orders from the nurse and I, she finally caved. It won't affect her in fights and as long as she doesn't try and pull a move from Wolverine….which is what she told the nurse by the way….again, she should be fine. You can sure tell some tall tales there, Kat." Chase finished with a laugh and apparently whatever story she came up with was amusing enough that the anger and worry he had at first was gone.

"Breakfast is ready." Zach said from beside me. "And I could use a few laughs, so you can share that story." He shot another glare at me before he went to set the plates on the table. He already had Kat her cup of coffee ready. I was being made to get my own. Payment for harassing the only person in my line of sight during the wait.

*****Page Break*****

Zach got his laugh but it was Chase that was telling the story. Kat was quite thoroughly enjoying her second plate of pancakes and had been more than happy to let him take over the telling of everything.

"Her face when Kat finished and looked to me was priceless. Then she whispered something about not believing Eric let her live after that stunt, all in wonder. Kat just shrugs and said that he mentioned it would serve her right if gangrene set in." Chase smirked over to Kat who was blushing as she had just taken a bite of her food.

"Damn she has you down." Zach said, laughing.

Kat almost choked on her food, took a drink of coffee to wash it down and shook her head. "Actually, it was mainly me saying what I would have said in that situation."

Her flush got deeper at the admission and my smile at her. I could so see that in her too. Honestly it was something I would have said but I also would have followed it up with some kind of punishment as well.

"Well, they aren't wrong. It is something I would have said. I also would have assigned some punishment in addition to that." I said then took a drink of my coffee.

"Funny enough, I might have mentioned that you had done something like that. Kat is now to report to you every morning at five am in the Dauntless-born training room so that you can 'prevent incidents of idiocy and the paperwork that would cause'." Chase supplies with a smirk.

He has just given us both the excuse and reason to be together every morning without having to worry about it being seen as anything other than me being my normal hard-ass self. I looked to Kat to see how she was reacting to that. She smiled and shrugged from beside me.

When we all took our seats for breakfast, Zach had set her in the same spot she had been before when she was here. We all went automatically to the same spots from that morning. Completely changing where we had sat before or anything we did before that morning with her. Nothing about it felt forced either. I had a feeling that this was a new and welcome change for all of us.

It wasn't just me she was breathing life back into, it was all of us. She was bringing us all back from a brink I don't think any of us knew we had been at before now.

I smiled back at her and nodded as I drained my cup of coffee. It was time to get the day truly started but I was already counting down until lunch. This time I was resolving not to screw things up so that it ruined the next time I could sit with Kat, even if it meant also being with her friends as well.


	14. Shaky Begininngs

**A/N: Seriously thank you all so very much for the love in this story. I was extremely nervous about posting it probably because I have grown really attached to it and the characters. So I am hoping you continue to enjoy it.**

 **Chapter 14 - Shaky Beginnings**

 _Kat_

It was too much to ask that Four wouldn't have heard about what happened this morning. I had honestly known as Eric was dragging me along that it would be coming. That had been the main reason I had insisted I go on my own. Really, even had he never told me about Four and something had happened, I know I couldn't allow him to go with me to the clinic. I should feel bad that it was all so...sneaky...what we are doing but I don't.

Especially not after him saying he wants to be friends. Or seeing how truly concerned he was for me. After the shock of his confession, along with the encounter, had passed so did the burning I had felt just when I thought he was going to kiss me. After the mortification at my own stupidity in injuring myself died away, I played things that had happened in my mind over and over. Part of me wanted to read more into his words and actions. A bigger part of myself wouldn't allow that out of self-preservation.

When Chase had gotten to the clinic his complete worry had almost overwhelmed me. His comments when his phone was being flooded with texts, all from Eric apparently, got me to thinking as well. I could tell that morning I shared with the three men that they were all close, family really. I could also tell from watching Eric in general that Chase and Zach were essentially the only ones he counted as friends or trusted. For some reason Eric was including me in this group. All of the men were. I felt pleasure but also humbled at this. So, while I was coming to quickly realize the woman in me wanted to see Eric's interactions as coming from him as a man, my observations were leading me to another conclusion. Eric didn't let many people into his life, so of course anyone he did, he would want to protect and would worry about.

This is what I told myself all during the time in the clinic. This is what I had to keep telling myself when at breakfast Eric had at first tried to hold my hand while I ate. He only let go when he saw me struggling to eat one handed and that being the injured one. This is what I screamed at myself again and again when he instead pressed close to me, his hand on my knee the entire time.

The entire morning was yo-yoing between a burning feeling the likes of which I had never felt before but that Eric could inspire with the barest of touches or glances, embarrassment at my behavior and thoughts, and a deepening pleasure at finding such a connection between myself and someone like Eric….and of course Chase and Zach.

Four didn't confront me right away when I made it to the training room, once again slightly behind Eric. That was all Peter. I don't know if he was just standing there waiting for me but when I came into the room Peter was by the door, arms crossed over his chest and his goons all the way on the other side of the room.

He threw a glare that I can't even begin to guess what I did to cause, other than maybe because I am still breathing. Then he got a look at the bandage on my arm and his eyes glinted dangerously. I brushed past him but he started throwing taunts to me. Asking if I was trying to put myself out of my misery and did I even know how to do that right. He said a bunch of other crap too that almost had me turning to confront and go at him but I was stopped by a look from Eric.

He shook his head the smallest amount, face hard and lips thinned. Tris pulled me over to her after tossing a glare to Peter and then started questioning me. I told her the same thing I had relayed to nurse. I don't know that Tris believed me really. She hadn't seen me work with knives but I know she knew about me learning at the very least. Just like I know she had been doing the same thing. Sometimes we would catch each other in the kitchen, knife in hand and looking guilty. I know that there were times when she had walked in on me having just been spinning or tossing the knife while preparing dinner. I can only imagine that she had been doing the same thing.

If she suspected I was lying she kept it to herself. She was concerned about the fights but I assured her I would be fine. The cuts themselves would be closed. I would just have the pain and soreness to deal with along with bruising for a few days.

The pain was nothing. Nothing compared to pain I had suffered before. It was nothing to the beatings I had gotten over the years that no one knew about. It was nothing compared to the pain of the crushing guilt that plagued me stemming from the choice of a young girl. It was all lessons learned, at least that is what I was choosing to take away from it all. So while I knew I would hurt, I also knew I would live.

*****Page Break*****

The first portion of that day was split between weapons and running. We were taken on a run through the compound. I was proud of both myself and Tris during that. We weren't near the back but I also didn't leap to the front like I could have. Tris didn't struggle as much as I thought she had been at first and we both drew glares from the others around us. Even her supposed friend, Christina.

The front runners, just behind Four who was leading the group while Eric brought up the rear, were Edward, Peter and Allison. Me, Will, Tris, Christina and Molly were in the middle. All the others were behind us. Mayra and Al were closer to Eric and he could be heard taunting or barking at them to pick it up.

His words were upsetting Tris. I could tell. I could see that streak in her, the one we both have, the want and need to protect coming forward in her eyes. I wanted to tell her that it was needed. That he was doing what needed to be done to motivate them. I didn't, but not because I didn't believe any of that was true. I didn't because I felt under a microscope for some reason. I think it was a combination of Peter's comments and Four but I couldn't help that it felt like I was being watched. That nagging, buzzing that can cause the hairs on your arms to stand up or your skin crawl. Maybe it was me being paranoid because of the nature my friendship with the guys was taking on and how it had to be kept quiet?

If I lept to his defence, like I so wanted to do, it would bring attention or suspicion. After this morning I knew that was something I didn't need to do anymore of.

When we got back to the training room we were told to do a cool down walk around the room. Tris was close and biting her lip. Something was brewing in her mind but I knew her enough that until she was ready to talk about it she wouldn't.

We soon got too busy to give it another thought. We working with the guns again. I was giddy when we moved on to another one. This was a handgun. I was finding that after needing a little time to make adjustments, I had a good ability with firearms. I wasn't the best. That was Edward hands down but I was close behind him.

"Not bad." Edward said to me with a smirk as I stood beside him. "Wouldn't have figured a former stiff would be my competition, but you are making me work to make sure I do better."

I gave a laugh and shrugged. "Being the best in a group of average isn't really being the best, is it? And just for that by the way, I am going to try and make damn sure I give you a run for your credits."

"To be fair, I have had much more practice before coming here. My father worked in the ammunition labs and I had free reign to go in and practice." He said this while he was reloading his clip of ammunition.

"How nice for you. Now if you two are done," Eric's cold voice came from behind Edward "how about you cut out the chatter and stick to the activity at hand. We are watching and ranking you on this after all."

Edward had gone tense when Eric started to speak. With a tight nod he turned to do just that. Eric had a scowl on his face but when he saw Edward's reaction he smirked a little before he turned towards me, raised an eyebrow and inclined his head towards the target. Telling me to get a move on as well.

He moved off when I turned back to keep going. I lost myself in the activity and tried not to wonder if that had really been a jealous tone I heard in Eric's voice or not. I was reading into things again and it just made me angry. I didn't want to mess things up by getting it into my head that there was anything more than what Eric had said, friendship.

I didn't realize that I had let out a sigh even as I was firing. It must have come off as being me being bored. I also didn't realize that I had gained an up close observer.

"I'm sorry Kat, is the training we have you doing boring you? Not up to your standards?" The words were exactly what I would expect from Eric but this was _not_ Eric. It was Four, standing close behind me with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face.

I shook my head and looked away from him. "No Sir." I answered and battled to keep the sarcasm or contempt from my tone.

I really need to learn to do that better because I knew I failed when I heard Four's low growl.

"Careful Initiate. You are already drawing the wrong kind of attention here and have punishments with the absolute worst person you could have gotten them from. I can't even fight them, Kat. I can't protect you at all if you keep doing things like that." He hissed lowly to me.

It had me stopping to spin around and glare at him. Angry that he was putting Eric down but also that he was trying to interfere at all. "I don't want you to fight them. I deserved what I got and I will serve the punishments given. _I_ don't run away from things, especially things I have brought on myself by my actions. I also don't need your brand of protection, _Four_."

Four paled slightly and flinched as if punched before he recovered. Eric was moving towards us and Four looked to him for a second before he looked back to me. "After dinner, the training room. You will be there for your insubordination...Initiate." He ground this out and moved off.

It was a low blow, what I had thrown out there, and I knew it. I also felt awful for lashing out in my pain and anger. There was a showdown brewing between Four and I. One that had been put off for too long really. Eric got a few feet from me and I could tell he was wanting to know if I was ok and what that was about. I could only shake my head then turn back to my task.

My hand was a bit more shaky than it should have been. I was more unsettled by what I knew was coming than I would have liked. It was reflected in the accuracy I had in my shots until we were told to head to lunch. I was disappointed in myself and I could see even Eric was too. It would be something I would take away to work on. Now I knew I needed to work on allowing distractions, internal or external, to decrease my ability and make me lose focus.

We didn't get to take a look at the board for the fights and who we would be paired against before we headed to lunch. Something I did not feel comfortable at all about. It was leaving me with a feeling of dread to be honest. Something was going to happen. I could just feel it. It was in the air, just like something had been in the air all that morning before the factionless men had come at Tris and I. I had ignored it then but I had since learned not to do that again.

"Kat!" Uri called to me from the table that had become our normal table in the dining hall. "Trissy!" He added my sister's name with a wave to us both.

I started to head there, tray in hand and threw a questioning look to Tris. She hesitated at first, but then with a nod she followed. I smiled widely at this and she reflected that smile back at me.

"Well shit!" Lynn said as she slammed her cup down on the table. Then she turned a glare at Tris, that didn't really become her full glare. This was her playful glare. "You just cost me my cake, _Trissy_."

I laughed as I sat my tray down, and pulled her to sit beside me. She had froze in confusion when Lynn had glared at her.

"How could I possibly have done that?" My sister finally got out as she set her tray down beside mine. "Was it because I chose cow over foul?" She smirked at Lynn.

Lynn had poked fun at Tris saying she had only been getting chicken to eat since the opening lunch. It had set Tris' back to snapping and chin to raising. A sure way to have issued a challenge and Lynn hadn't even known she did it. My sister and I had a streak of pride a mile wide. It was going to get us in serious trouble one day.

Lynn's eyes went to her plate and her scowl became real this time. "Well fuck, Tris! You really are screwing me over today. Now I have lost my cake for tomorrow!"

I laughed and shrugged, realizing what was going on. "I thought you had learned by now not to underestimate us 'little stiff girls'? I seem to remember you betting often against Uri just after you guys met me. You lost then too until you wised up."

Uri smirked and shoveled food in his mouth. "Yeah, thanks for the cake, Trissy. But I doubt I will be able to win like that again." That he grumbled moodily. Uri really loved his damn cake.

"Ummm...you're welcome Uri. And….sorry Lynn?" Tris said with a shrug and shake of her head.

"Yeah, yeah. So how was training? Find out who you are going against?" Lynn asked as she resumed eating.

Eric, Chase and Zach made their way to sit at the same table. Tris' eyes got wide and she tensed beside me for a moment. When she saw no one else reacting she relaxed a little but not by much. I tried not to frown at her reaction to them. I didn't want her to react that way to the men that were quickly becoming very important to me. I failed in stopping my frown but used it to answer Lynn's question as I shook my head.

"No, we didn't get to see the board before we had to come to lunch." My answer came out in a frustrated grumble.

Mar smiled at us both and shrugged. "It will be fine. Tris did really good going against Lynn last night."

"She will be fine," Chase agreed with a nod and wink to me. "Just remember you can't hesitate to go for the opening when you see it. No questioning your instincts. Just go for it."

Tris nodded thoughtfully while I was going through the list of people she could be put against. If she were put against Mayra, Allison, Sally, or even Al; I knew she would easily win. The question is who made the pairings for today? Eric wouldn't show slack and I didn't want him to, even if it made me nervous. Four, he was a wild card right now. He could keep with trying to protect us or he could realize what it had looked like and go the opposite direction.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Tris had apparently asked a question. It was Zeke that answered it.

"You can't look at it like that. It isn't that we want you to unnecessarily beat the shit out of each other. Fighting against each other is about several things and all of them center around being prepared." Zeke said in reply to her question.

I looked to Tris for a moment, frowning and remembering an incident a few years ago. I sighed and it got her attention. "Tris, do you remember the thing with Alastair?"

She flinched a little, lips thinned and nodded. I hated bringing it up but I had to also drive home the point. "We would have said he was a friend before that happened. Well, before he left the faction anyways. He had come to dinners at our house. Stood beside us volunteering for countless hours. Even I would never have imagined we would face having to protect ourselves from _him_. But that is what happened. Being Dauntless now Sis, you can almost guarantee we are going to come face to face with someone we once knew. Maybe even someone we are in initiation with right now. It isn't a pretty thought but it is a reality. So not only does our leadership and instructors need to know we are prepared to act but we need to know we can too. You and I already found out the hard way that we can but also what hesitation can do."

My tone got soft and disappointment in myself coursed through me. It hadn't been Tris that had hesitated in that instance, it had been me. Something that haunted me at night sometimes. Tris' hand found mine and she frowned. She didn't speak the words of comfort or reassurance but it was there in her eyes.

It was Eric's voice that broke through and spoke firmly to us all. "Sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is the hard way. There is no weakness in that, only if you don't learn the lesson the first time and _never_ ….let it happen again."

His eyes were boring intensely into mine, communicating his absolute demand of me to do that. Knowing him as I am coming to now, I could also see the angry worry in them as well. I had a feeling I would be telling him the full story soon. One look at the clenched fists of Chase and thinned lips of Zach told me I would be telling them all that story.

I gave a nod to Eric and let him know I understood it all. "Yes Sir" There was no way I could call him by his name in this instance. This morning was still too fresh and I plainly sucked at showing things on my face or in my tone. I couldn't risk letting the familiarity with him to bleed through.

This seemed to placate them all, for now, and lunch resumed. Uri and Mar wanted to make plans for tonight and I groaned when I remembered what I had to face after dinner.

"Umm, guys you are going to have to count me out of plans for tonight. I...umm...sort of have to…" I trailed off as I blushed and scratched the back of my neck while Lynn scowled at me.

"What the fuck _else_ did you do, Kat? Shauna told us about this morning so I know about the stunt you pulled. You aren't supposed to be serving punishments for in the evenings." She growled out, obviously pissed that I was hurt at all.

All eyes were on me, causing me to turn red from even more embarrassment. I also was avoiding looking in his direction but I felt his glare demanding my answer from beside Chase.

"That would be because she decided it was ok to smart off at the mouth to me during weapons training." Four huffed out and plopped down in a seat near Zeke.

The instant scowls that Eric and he exchanged had me glad they were at opposite ends of the table. I was still on edge and while I did feel bad about throwing what I had out there, I did mean it. Even if I said it in a snide and hurtful way. So I would make an attempt to say this once more...and hope against fucking hope I didn't sound like I was smarting off….again

"Like I said...Sir...I don't run or try to get out of paying for my actions. I admit my responsibility and hopefully learn from them. Maybe even come out better for it. I admit that my tone was less than respectful." I try to say in the smoothest way I can possible put this. Resentment and hurt is bubbling up the entire time and I fight hard against it.

There is also no way in hell I am apologizing for what I said because I meant it. It would be a false apology and I just couldn't do that.

If I were trying to lessen the tension with Eric and Four...well that worked. But now I had Four looking at me, as well as my sister. She was looking between the two of us in concern while Four had flashed a pained look for a moment before his lips thinned and he nodded.

"Good. Then I can expect you in the training room right after dinner. And since you are so fond of the word, we will see how you like the act of running." With a huff Four grabs his tray and stalks out of the dining hall.

Tris watched him go and I watched her. She looked back to me with a frown on her face and a look I knew well. One that said I was in for a lecture later on.

With a sigh I turned back to my lunch and tried to start eating. "Eat Tris. We are going to need it for whatever the fuck is coming next."

I grumble and shove a bite of whatever was on my tray into my mouth. Not really paying attention to what it is or what it tasted like.

From the corner of my eye I saw Eric and Chase talking. Chase might have been trying to calm Eric down, at least that is what I assumed given Eric had a death grip on the table at the moment. The second half of this day was not looking good. There was still that feeling, something in the air that told me what had just happened was the beginning and not the main event.


	15. Never Hesitate

**Chapter 15 - Never Hesitate**

 _Kat_

Before the end of lunch, Will had made his way over to our table. I think there was only so much he could handle of the other transfers. Unfortunately, where there is a Will….there is a Christina. She came over shortly after Will sat down.

My friends weren't exactly unfriendly to either of them. Uriah and Will seemed to get along really well. Makes sense because Will was always trying to lighten the mood of things and Uri was a jokester. Mar tried to be more friendly with Christina but all she seemed to be able to do was whine about what transfers aren't allowed to do or the 'unfair advantage' dauntless-born had. I looked to Tris and saw even she was pained by her friend's behavior. She didn't make any moves to say anything or leave but I couldn't stand it.

"Well, I think my food is starting to sit in my stomach like lead so I am out. Going to head to the training room and see who my next victim is." I stand with my tray and a cheeky grin, hopefully sporting confidence I am so not feeling right now.

Lynn stands with a shrug. "I'll walk with ya. Seeing as I don't get my damn cake for the day. I find I have lost the stomach to eat anymore either." She grumbled that with a glare to Christina who seemed oblivious to it.

Tris smiled up at me, but it was a strained smile. "I will see you in there."

Eric and Chase had already left, unable to stay at the table either because of duties or just the fact that they couldn't tolerate the new addition either. After putting our trays up Lynn walked beside me.

"So, you were doing something out of Wolverine, huh?" Lynn looked over to me with a knowing smirk.

I shrugged and answered her truthfully. "I got careless and am now paying for it."

I felt her eyes on me as we walked. She was studying me before she sighed. "You don't get careless with weapons, Kat. From the first it was the thing I noticed about you. Especially with knives...you don't do careless. You don't horse around or play with them. They are serious business to you and always have been. So that story, the 'look at me I am Wolverine' tale you told, doesn't work with me. So tell me what really happened. Did he do anything to you, Kat? To make you get careless, or I mean…."

My back went stiff and eyes to fire. "No, he didn't do anything to me Lynn. I really did have a blonde moment and got careless though."

Her lips thinned and I saw her own temper flare. "So he is punishing you for it? For something he helped to cause? Don't try and deny it, Kat Prior. I have seen the way you react around him."

What could I tell her? That it was all just an excuse so we could be together? But that was implying it was anything other than friendship and him having what I was coming to see as a genuine interest in my training. That was putting my own wants into it. I needed to talk to someone about it though. I couldn't talk to Tris….there was still too much….I just couldn't.

"He's not punishing me, Lynn." I said quietly while looking around. Lynn's forehead creased in confusion and she pulled me to a spot that was out of the pathway for the corridor to the training room.

"Explain." She demanded and crossed her arms over her chest.

I sighed and sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, worrying it before answering. "We're...I guess friends. Or...becoming friends. That isn't exactly going to look very good though and since I train in the mornings anyways…."

I don't even get to finish before she does for me. "Then he can be there and it won't look like anything other than you serving a punishment." She sighed a little wearily. "Of all the men in this faction, Kat, it had to be _him_ that finally caught your attention."

I started to bristle but then stopped when I noticed her chest shaking and rumbling with laughter. "What? What's so fucking funny?" I demand, popping a hip out and putting a hand on it.

She had gone to full blown laughter and had to wipe a tear away before she answered. "Now that I think about it….it is kind of fitting. For both of you really."

She shrugs when she says this and the last part registers, causing my heart to flip flop until I scowl at myself and shake my head. "It isn't like that for him, Lynn. I can admit that I am coming to realize that I want…..I don't know...something. But it won't be like that for him."

Lynn studies me, a smile spreading across her face but she doesn't say anything for a moment. She takes my arm and then we start to walk back towards the training rooms. "If it does become something more Kat, you need to know it will make you a target. I am sure you have heard the rumors and things we have mentioned about him. It won't be pretty and I just need you to be prepared to handle that."

We get to the door for the training room I am going to be entering and I still haven't been able to respond to that. I knew from the first moment I saw him at the table. I heard my parents even mentioning him, my dad especially, when I was allowed to go to council meetings with him. There were whispers of his cruelty in Abnegation. There were whispers of it among the factionless. How ruthless he was in dealing with incidents that occurred among them. Then coming here, I saw how the other Dauntless reacted around him. They are on edge, alert, afraid, or full of hate when he is nearby.

I couldn't lie and say I didn't see that side of him either, lurking beneath it all. I wasn't naive enough to believe it was _all_ just an act. He wouldn't be where he is and have the reputation he did if he didn't put actions to those stories. There is also something more there, and the more is what drew me in. It brought out something in me that I couldn't even begin to explain. It almost felt like, when he was near, it brought me to life. Or something that had been asleep inside myself awake for the first time in a long time.

"I don't think I will have to worry about that, Lynn." I say finally. Because even if I knew I would spend nights dreaming about it ever being more, I knew it wouldn't be.

Couldn't be.

Lynn smirked at me and shrugged. "Well, you better get inside. Don't want to be late and end up getting another punishment. Kick ass today girl."

With a not so soft and friendly punch to my shoulder she moved off with a laugh at my scowl. Rubbing my shoulder I walked into the training room. I wasn't one of the first. Al was sitting off sulking in a corner and Sally, Mayra and Allison were talking in a group. I headed towards where the board would be and froze in my tracks.

Four had just moved away from it, having written the pairs in chalk in the order that they would fight. My eyes had moved directly for one name and the name beside it had me raging. My eyes snapped to his. His lips thinned a little but he moved away from the board and avoided looking back to me.

Four wrote the names but was he the one to make the matches? I looked for Eric but he wasn't even in the room yet. Everything in me was telling me this wasn't Eric. Though I didn't think he would hesitate for one second to do it if I were being honest.

So why would Four have chosen to put Tris against Peter? Fucking Peter! Her first fight and he picked Peter!

I don't know how long I am standing there, just staring at the board. I try to remember Peter in his fight the previous day. Skill wise he isn't all that much more prepared than any of the transfers that didn't do that on their own. Edward and I seemed to be the only ones that have done that but I still haven't had to use any of my real training yet.

What Peter has is brutal strength and zero hint of hesitation to use it. He also seems to have a knack for seeking weakness out in a people; emotional, mental, or physical.

"Oh no." I hear squeaked from beside me. In my reflections I hadn't noticed that my sister and Christina had come into the room or that it had rapidly filled. "Are they serious? They're really going to make you fight _him_?"

Tris is looking at the board, slightly white but her lips are thinned and her chin is jutted out.

Al shuffles nervously from beside her. "Maybe you can just take a few hits and pretend to go unconscious." He suggests meekly. "No one would blame you."

I want to growl at the two of them, casting her pitying and non-believing looks. I see her chin and posture deflate a little, her cheeks flushed. "Yeah," she replies flatly "Maybe."

"Fuck that!" I yell angrily as I glare at the two of them. "Only fucking cowards would do that. My sister isn't a coward." I huff this out, grab her arm and jerk her away from the two so I can talk to her.

Tris doesn't resist as I pull her to the other side of the room. I knew eyes were following us and that my shout had gotten attention. I am sure that Peter is gloating right now but I also knew a way to wipe that smirk right off his fucking face.

When I drop Tris' arm and spin to face her, her face is flushed and her eyes are watering. She doesn't even let me speak before she throws her arms around me and pulls me into a hug.

"Thank you." She whispers to me.

I don't need to ask her what she is thanking me for because I know. Thank you, for not thinking she is weak. For just assuming she wouldn't be able to or wouldn't want to handle herself. Thank you, for being here and with her during this.

I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her quickly. "You never have to thank me or doubt that I believe in you, Tris. No matter what happens or what comes I will always love you and believe in you." I whisper back to her, my eyes watering as well.

She nods into the embrace and then pulls back. Her back straightens and her chin lifts. "I am assuming you have advice?"

Her tone is firm but also hopeful. I nod, my chewing my bottom lip in concentration and thought. "It won't be pretty Tris. The entire fight I mean. I need you to know you are stronger than you think. You can do this and will do this."

I look to her for understanding and she nods. There is no way she is going to get out of this unscathed, there is no guarantee of that for any of us, even me. I nod firmly back to her.

"Do you remember what I was telling you the other night? What I suspected about him?" I turn red at the mention and thought of this.

Her face takes on a look of confusion until it dawns on her and then she sucks in breath. "You want me to…."

"Yes." I say with no hesitation at all and as firmly as I can. "No hesitation, remember. Do you really think if it were reversed he wouldn't take a shot at whatever weakness you have. That he won't be looking to do just that?"

I can see the answer in her eyes before she vocalizes it. "No, he wouldn't hesitate at all." She takes a deep breath and I can see the distaste for the act she knows she will have to do radiating through her. "Doesn't that make me just as bad though?"

I shake my head and frown at her. "No, because unlike him you wouldn't be doing it out of malice or with malice in your heart, Tris. You and I are soldiers. Soldiers use tactics and yes some of them will be dirty tactics. But you and I both know that something like that can be the difference between life and death. It was literally the difference for us that day. If we give up, if we hesitate….if we go into a battle thinking that the other person will show us any mercy….it will mean death."

She sighs heavily. "I know. I know this...I just...I don't like it, Kat. It just seems this whole thing is so….cruel." She looks down at her hands and shakes her head. "But we didn't join Amity and we aren't Abnegation, we never were. We are Dauntless and we can't afford to not be this way. I get what you are saying."

I smile at her, in relief and pride. As the eldest and especially these last few years, she had been ridden hard by the elders. They had taken to 'instilling' the core beliefs into all dependents. Sometimes we would all be forced to sit and listen to lectures for hours. I felt like my brain was going to melt and I would have said or done anything to just be done with them. I half think that those elders that chose to do this, because not all did, were hoping to just brainwash obedience into the lot of us.

"You don't have to go straight for that, Tris. In fact I don't want you to. I want you to fight, really give it your everything. But if you see the chance and you know you are in trouble, do it. Don't think about it...just do it. Like on the roof. We didn't think about it we just jumped."

With a final nod, we clasp hands together and make our way back over to the group. When I finally get to appraise the room I see Eric standing near the board. I can practically see the anger vibrating off him. When his eyes meet mine I see something. He is trying to tell me something and I think it is that he didn't know. That he didn't do this.

I give him a small nod and my lips quirk to the side in a smile before we both look away.

My fight is far from my mind right now. It will be against Drew. While I am not overly concerned, he isn't to be laughed at no matter that he isn't one of the strongest fighters among the guys. My fight isn't until after Tris' and hers is towards the end of the day as well. So we will have to sit and suffer the dread and anticipation. But at least we are suffering together.

"Did you see who I am going against?" Christina whined to us when we joined them once again. "The Tank."

Tris wrinkled her nose in confusion and we both looked to see the name beside hers. She was going against Molly. Though 'Tank' was a pretty fitting nickname. She was built like one for sure. She was also hot headed and not very smart in the fight she had against her own friend, Drew.

Remembering her doubt of Tris earlier and Al's words, I wanted to throw them back in her face. I decided to try and be the bigger person here. "She is strong but she is hotheaded too. Use your size to your advantage, Christina. You are smaller than her so that means faster."

Tris looked to me in thoughtfulness but also gratitude. Christina gave me a blank look and mumbled something that might have been thanks.

I shrugged and turned to face Four and Eric who were calling everyone to the front to begin the rest of the training.

"Listen up! You can all see who you are matched up against here. This is the second day of fighting and we will be expecting and looking for more. You are all expected to be able to pick up what we are teaching you here quickly. To think, react and move quickly. We will be looking for all of this in your fights as well as any other training you undergo." Eric starts out in a bored and devoid of emotion tone.

He looks over each one of us and then his eyes fall on Al. "I heard there was or is some confusion about how the fights are to go. It seems that _some_ of you are under the impression that it is ok to just...give up." His face and eyes get hard as he glares at Al but he also lets them move over everyone when he speaks next. "Dauntless do _not_ give up. There should and will be no question of this. If anyone feels like this is an issue, feel free to head to the gate now. Giving up is a cowardly act and we do not tolerate acts of cowardice. I give you this warning now. Am I understood?"

"Yes Sir!" Our group answers back, some a little lagging in their response and some more forceful in the fervor.

It was quiet for just a little longer before Four cleared his throat and called for us all to warm up.

"Initiate," Eric's voice sounded from behind me, making me turn towards him. He motioned with his head for me to walk more towards him and after nodding to Tris that I would join her in a second, I did so.

I was frowning when I approached him. He was staring straight ahead, arms crossed over his chest and not looking at me. His face was a mask that betrayed nothing.

"I need you to know…" He started to speak lowly so I could barely hear him.

"I do." I interrupted him.

"I would have though. I need you to know that too." His forehead wrinkled slightly causing the dermals above his eyebrow to raise, as if it pained him to have to admit this.

I smiled a little and nodded. "I know that too."

"Even with you Kat. I would and am going to have to."

I bite my lip to keep the flips that I am feeling at his concern and worry from showing. So I smirk instead and nod again. "You better."

His eyes move to mine at this, a smirk tilts his lips before he wipes it away and nods. "Good girl." He whispers and it is like silk moving against my skin, the things just that does to me.

He clears his throat and motions with his head again but towards the ring and the group gathered doing warm ups. "Dismissed, go warm up."

I turn, biting my lip and walk quickly to join the others. I take the open space and groan inwardly a little when I notice that it is next to Peter.

"Don't worry, Stiff. I won't damage your sister too much. Might mess up that pretty little face of hers though." Then he gives me an evil smirk. "Oh wait, already done for me naturally."

"So funny, Peter." I mumble and shake my head. "You know, you don't fool me. I have known guys like you all my life. Some worse than you could even imagine being. The thing you have in common with them all, is that in the end you are nothing but cowardly under the talk. Because that is all it is in the end. You try to make others weak to make yourself feel strong."

I could tell my words were having the desired effect on him by the bunching of his muscles and the red tinging his cheeks. "How is that working out for you, by the way? Do you feel strong now? Do you feel like a man, Peter?"

"Shut up, Stiff. You don't know a fucking thing about me." Peter snarled and popped up, turning to face me with his fists clenched.

I stop and turn to face him as well but my lips turn into a wicked smirk. The same one I gave him just before I shoved his ass from the train. He paled a little at this but didn't back down. We aren't bothering to keep our voices down at this point.

"Oh but I do, Peter. You are an open book to me. Could you have any more daddy issues? Let me guess…." I cross my arms over my chest and tap my chin as if in thought, my eyes and forehead wrinkled as if I am working really hard at what I am thinking about. "He was never happy with anything you did? Didn't waste a chance to put you down or maybe even show you just how much of a disappointment you are to him? Because you are Candor after all and it is the honest thing to do." I tilt my head as I am watching him while I speak in sugary sweet voice that is anything but nice. Looking at his reactions, his posture. It speaks to me, and while what I am seeing disgusts me that someone has gone through that at all, his way of dealing with things disgusts me even more.

"It is safe to guess that mother dearest was nowhere near during all of this. Couldn't or wouldn't stand up for her baby boy. So not only do you have massive daddy issues, and an inferiority complex the size of the planet; you also have issues with women stemming from your mother." I take an unconscious step closer to him and am lost in my own musings. I dropped my fake contemplative posture and was zoned in on analyzing him, his behavior and yes the best way to hurt him. Not even realizing just how cruel I am being right now. Not even knowing if I care that I am. He is a threat to my sister and I, one I will try to bring down however I can.

"I am guessing by your instant reaction to my sister and I on the train that….." My eyes widen as the truth hits me. Like a ton of fucking bricks being swung by a giant straight at my chest. It almost knocks the wind from me it hits me that hard.

"Shut _up_ Stiff!" Peter snarls out when he realizes just what I am about to say. "You don't know _anything_ about my family."

But I do and it all falls into place for me. His mother was Abnegation and had transferred to Candor. Judging by Peter's demeanor and personality, his mother may have transferred _to_ Candor but she never really _left_ Abnegation.

"That's enough. The both of you." Four comes up and moves us away from each other.

I don't think either of us realized we were almost in each other's faces. When I was brought back to realization it was like buckets of ice water were being tossed over me. My actions and words crashing down on me and my frown reflected this. I stumbled back a little, only to be steadied by hands. Edward was behind me and had reached out to help. He had a frown of his own but it was directed at me. They all had frowns directed at me.

All except Eric, who was biting his lower lip with those calculating eyes that were also so very dark, before he stopped and gave me a small nod then turned away.

"It might be better if you continued your warm up over here." Edward finally said lowly, guiding me with a hand to my elbow to move my warm up by him and Mayra. His frown was gone and he had a small smile now. There was also something in his eyes that had been hinted at during weapons training. Respect.

I nod numbly and cast a look to see where Peter is and what he is doing. Four is standing near him and talking to him lowly. Peter is rigid, his eyes looking through Four. He must feel my eyes on him because he turns his head to look at me. For a moment there is a look of pain in those green eyes before that is gone and replaced by anger.

"Yeah, I got it." He snarls out to Four and moves away.

Four stands there for a moment shaking his head then moves off himself. I hope I didn't just make things worse for Tris. I can only hope even though I know it is a futile one. That feeling of dread is a leaden weight that is settling on my shoulders. I just hope when whatever happens, I am not crushed under it. Or worse that it isn't someone else paying for my actions...again.


	16. Hard Lessons

**A/N: No long note...just hope you all enjoy!**

 **Chapter 16 - Hard Lessons**

 _Eric_

This day….this fucked up roller coaster of a day...just needs to end already.

Inwardly, I am smiling wryly to myself. Is this what life with Kat is going to be like? How messed up is it that I am hoping so? She surprises me and just keeps on surprising me. In some not so great ways, yeah. But the good ways...the great ways….fuck, do they make me feel things.

Alive. She makes me feel alive and has in such a short time already. Now I just gotta keep _her_ fucking alive.

I came into the training room with the mindset and determination that I would be getting answers from her. What happened with Four that caused her to lose her focus so badly? Enough that he was now using that to get her alone. Because that is all that shit was.

Mouthed off to him? Yeah, I can see she would do that but I have seen him not even give a second look at someone that has done that and more to him.

So what did he want her alone for? Well, that could be answered simply enough. He picked the training room which was pretty fucking stupid. Cameras were all over the place. Luckily and conveniently, my own time with Kat in the training room was and never would be available. Being a leader and having a best friend as the head of Control had advantages. Also anyone in that room during that time knew not to talk, not if they wanted to keep breathing.

Then there was lunch with Kat. This incident with whoever the fuck Alistair is and what had both Kat and her sister looking like they had. I needed to know what had happened. I needed to know that and if the fucker was still breathing because I would change that status quickly.

Something was brought to my attention though that I needed to work with her on. In weapons and during lunch I could tell her emotional status affected her performance. That couldn't happen anymore. So that would be something I would work with her on during our morning sessions.

Between tonight and tomorrow morning, I would be finding a way to talk to her. That couldn't wait. I also know after her little showdown I was going to have to go through with my plan for Peter.

Boy was I turned on as hell though watching her cut him down to size. I saw his game now and know it well, because it is one I do and have played. Something I was fucking trained to do really. He likes to get into people's heads. Plant doubt sometimes using seeds of truth. Just enough to get under the skin and undermine whatever he needed them to be feeling. Lack of confidence, trust, friendship…..

Kat had just turned that all back onto him and then some. She wasn't happy with how she had done it. I could tell she was upset by her own actions. Her words hit me hard, so I know they were hitting Peter hard. This made it even more imperative that I take action and soon.

I am barely watching the first couple of fights that are going on. Will had just gone against Edward and was beaten badly. Four having to step out and take Will to the clinic. The two Candor's Molly and Christina were up next.

I was musing over the pairings in general, making a plan for the next day's fights. Seeing how Four was totally sucking at putting them together I would just take that over. While I have no qualms over him pairing Kat's sister with Peter, even I had to admit it was a pretty stupid move pairing her with him for her first fight. Yes, it was the second day but the idiot had her sit out on that first day.

At least he hadn't paired Kat with Edward for this fight. With her being injured I wouldn't have been comfortable with it, not today. She would face him soon though.

"Stop!" Is wailed from the ring, jolting me out of my thoughts. My eyes snap to the ring and I see Christina on the ground, holding out a hand to ward off and stop the attack Molly was just about to launch. Looked to be like she was going to kick her.

"Stop! I'm…" She coughs. "I'm done."

 _Are you fucking serious!_ I am mentally screaming in rage at the girl. Didn't I _just_ fucking say something about this?

I might be seething with anger right now but I don't let it show. I also don't let it cloud my judgement. I need to remain clear headed here. I will give her one more chance.

I walk slowly towards the ring and then stand over her, my arms folded over my chest. "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?" My tone is quiet, soft enough that you wouldn't hear it unless it was absolutely quiet. Which it is. This is by design and a smart person would recognize this. Would sense the danger lurking in my tone.

It should make her think. Reconsider. She doesn't. She pushes herself to her knees then pinches her nose to stop the bleeding. She still hasn't responded and doesn't look like she is going to continue.

It just serves to piss me off further. "Get up." I say still in the same quiet tone. I grab her arm and yank her to her feet, starting to drag her out of the door with me. "Follow me." I say to the rest of the group.

Apparently my warning and words weren't enough to reinforce this lesson. Wasn't I just saying that some lessons needed to be learned the hard way? Well, perfect fucking example right here.

I head to the Chasm until we are all standing at the bridge. I shove Christina towards the railing. "Climb over it."

"What?" She gasps out incredulously, her eyes wide and her face paling.

"Climb. Over. The. Railing. If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation."

She is still looking at me with wide disbelieving eyes. Taking in my absolutely cold and hard ones. I don't feel an ounce of compassion for her at this moment. Words weren't enough so she is forcing me to follow it up with actions.

I could have just thrown her out. By the rules I would have had every right. She conceded and removed herself from a fight that would be scored. She removed herself from training essentially. If I wanted to be a total dick I could just throw her out. I should throw her out, she is annoying as shit. Why I am giving her this chance, I don't know, but here we are.

"Fine." She finally says with a tremulous voice.

After she has gotten into position I see her friend, the farm boy, set his watch. He is standing beside Tris, looking on in worry. I try to casually look for Kat, letting my eyes move over the group.

She is standing with Edward and tensed. Her eyes meet mine for a moment and I worry then that she will find this disgusting or too brutal. I should have known better because I do see understanding there. She doesn't like it even if she does understand. I knew she wouldn't, that isn't Kat. She wouldn't get off on this. She wouldn't like to see someone to suffer even if it is someone she doesn't really like. Hell, I saw her feeling guilt for the pain she might have caused the asshole Peter.

But she understands, and that is enough for me.

A strangled sob draws my attention from Kat back to Christina. She has slipped and is now hanging on with her bare fingertips. My body is tensed and ready. I won't let her fall but if she does start to I won't let her stay either.

"Come on Christina," Al says loudly. Christina looks to him and he gives a clap with his meaty hands. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it."

She finally does grab it after having to flail around a little bit.

When time is up after a few more cheering sessions from Al and Tris, Al spits out his observation that by his watch her time is over. I make a show of checking the time on my own watch, just for his attitude. Where is all of that during training?

"Fine," I reply calmly. "You can come up, Christina."

Al walks towards the railing and I put a hand out, shaking my head.

"No. She has to do it on her own."

"No, she doesn't." Al actually growls out at me. "She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said."

Again, where is this when he is training? I don't respond and he takes that as agreement. After he has hauled her up, with the help of Tris, she drops to the ground.

"Dauntless don't give up. This will be the only other warning you get." I let my voice carry over the sound of the rushing river. "Get her to the clinic." I nod to Tris indicating Christina. "Everyone else, back to the training room _now_."

There is a scramble. Tris and Al move to get Christina to the clinic while everyone else starts to get as far away from me and the Chasm as possible. All except her. I hoped she wouldn't rush off but didn't expect it. She lagged behind, allowing me to catch up to her.

"You understand right?" Fuck this insecurity I am constantly feeling with her. I don't like it at all but I also can't help it. I don't like second guessing myself or how to do my job. Second guessing is all I seem to be able to do lately since she walked into my life. I am second guessing a lot of things in my life and in my role here.

Her arms are clasped behind her back and she is slightly ahead of me. I shouldn't but I reach forward and let my hand brush against hers. Her fingers instantly curl a little around mine and my body relaxes from the contact.

"I do, Eric. You told us plainly. You didn't even have to do that really. Shouldn't have had to do it in the first place." She looked over her shoulder to me for a moment. We were still walking though a lot slower. "Like you said earlier, hard lessons right?"

I squeezed her fingers with my own and let go. "Speaking of, we need to talk about all of that Kat."

I hear her small sigh of resignation from right in front of me. "I know, I already figured as much honestly."

"After you get done with…" My jaw clenches a little at the thought of her having to be with Four for any amount of time "Four...if it isn't too late, find me or Chase in the Pit. I really would rather talk about this before the morning."

"You know he is going to make me run laps or something like that until at least just before curfew, right?" She says with a shrug.

I wasn't too sure about that. I wasn't sure he was going to make her do anything training wise. Four had something else up his sleeve, I just didn't know what.

"I doubt it but if that is the case then I will know. If that's what happens then we can save it for the morning." I hated the thought. I wanted...no needed...to see her. As much time as I could get with her, I wanted it. All of it.

We don't get the chance to talk more as we enter the training room. I immediately move to the board and call the next names. Four enters shortly after and I know he has heard what happened by his thinned lips. Al and Tris returned practically with Four so it is safe to say who let him know what had happened. I watch as Four and Tris stand near the door for just a moment and he nods pointedly in my direction while saying something.

I can just imagine what it is. Four warning her about me or telling her something about me. Enough to make her distrust, wary of, or dislike me. Normally, I wouldn't care. Would find it laughable or not worth my time even. This is Kat's sister though and I sense this is going to be trouble for me. Trouble for Kat and I if there comes a time for us. And I have every plan of making sure there will be.

Then again, maybe it won't be trouble. All that matters to me is what Kat thinks and feels and so far, even seeing how I can be, she hasn't shied away yet.


	17. A Little Unsteady

**A/N: Well hello there! A big moment coming for our sisters. Hopefully you like how I deal with a certain former Candor but also Kat's reaction to the fight! Thanks for all the feedback and views. Here is the next chapter!**

 **Chapter 17 - A Little Unsteady**

 _Kat_

"I think you should have Four take over your punishments." Tris said the instant she was back from taking Christina to the clinic.

My head snapped over to her and I tried to not let a scowl form. "What? Why would you suggest that?"

Her frown deepens but she also looks confused. "Didn't you see what just happened? He hung her from the Chasm, Kat."

I huffed out a breath in frustration. Four was hovering near, and I bet he was listening in too. Of course he was and I bet he was the one that suggested this, or at least planted the seed.

"There are so many things wrong with what you just said and what you are suggesting that I don't' even know where to start, Tris." I shake my head and can't help but feel disappointment in her. One conversation with Four and Tris has already forgotten everything we had just talked about. Forgotten Eric's very pointed warning just before the fights started. Forgetting what he said about lessons learned at the lunch table.

"What is wrong with what I said, Mary Katherine?" Tris gets the same lecture mode tone she had so often with me over the last two years.

The one that made me bristle and act out against it. Pointing out her flaws or how easy it should have been to be Abnegation but that she was failing at it. Lashing out at her, lashing out at the constricting way of life we were living. Crying out to her really, for my brave and independent sister to come back to me.

"Well, _Beatrice_ ….where should I start? How about the fact that we _just_ talked about giving up? Or how about the fact that the two of them were urging you to play dead in your fight and how that would be cowardly? Christina didn't just play dead though, she outwardly and vocally gave up. Even after a very clear warning given to us by our Instructor who is also a leader of our faction. That is considered an order, Tris. She disobeyed a direct order."

I look to her to see if this is sinking in for her. Her stubbornness kicks in and her chin lifts though. "Maybe all of that is true…"

"Not maybe, Tris. It is all true and nothing but the facts." I try not to growl out in my building anger.

"Did he have to hang her from the Chasm though? Is that the kind of person that should be training us?" She shot back at me.

"No, you're absolutely right. He didn't have to hang her from the chasm." I reply firmly and slowly. I see she smirks a little in what she thinks is in triumph and right behind her Four does the same thing. Gods I am going to so fucking love bursting both of their bubbles right now.

"No, what he could have done and should have done per the rules was to throw her out of the faction. You realize he didn't have to give her that chance right? She quit a fight, Tris. She quit…. _training_."

I see the realization dawn on her by the color draining from her slowly. She turned to look at Four, as if confirming what I just said. She got her answer with the thinned lips and small nod he gave her.

My anger that she was believing him, listening to him more than her own reason, her own instincts...and yes over her own sister...was building in me. But I continued on trying to remain calm.

"So no he didn't _have_ to do anything. But what he did was teach us all a hard lesson. Now we have a visual of the consequences, we give up...we die." I look down at my hands and can't help the hurt in my voice. "Is that the kind of person I want training me? You bet your fucking ass. I want a person that will make me stronger and able to protect others. Not someone that thinks I can't handle the tough shit and wants to shelter me." I direct that last part in a glare to Four. Taking a breath I look back to Tris and look at my hands as I address Tris again.

"I would have thought you would get that, Tris. That you and I, of all people, we would get it. That you would get _me_." My voice breaks a little but I try to shove that down.

"Kat…" Tris whispers and reaches for me but I pull away and shake my head.

"As for the suggestion, it isn't going to happen. Just like I would never go to someone else to try and get my punishment that I am supposed to serve with Four transferred, I won't with Eric. It wouldn't even work should I want it to...which I don't. Because unless it is changed by a leader it stays with the leader or instructor issued from."

Tris sighed heavily and Four stalked off moodily. "Can you just…" She stopped and looked to me seriously. "Can you just be careful? Be careful around him and just….in general?" She looked to my arm and gave me a wry smile.

The bandage is a reminder of not just my careless moment but what caused it. Eric and my building desire, and yes building feelings, for him. I would have to be careful just not in the way that I think she was meaning. I nod and give my own wry smile. "I will. Can you try to do something for me, Tris?"

I look up to her and hold her eyes meaningfully. She bites her lip and nods. "What?"

"Don't lose yourself here. Don't let others influence what you think or believe, even me. Can you try and make your _own_ decisions? Form your own opinions but not based on what others are saying? Don't let a prejudice from others influence how you might feel about someone...or something..please?" I feel the need to get this out urgently. Because I knew what would be coming with my friendships that I was developing. I knew what was coming with the animosity between Four and Eric.

Tris didn't know that I knew about her and Four. She had been keeping that secret. Had been for a couple of years. Maybe this is part of what caused our estrangement. We were both keeping secrets from each other. I would still be keeping things secret. I could hope that one day I wouldn't have to anymore.

Tris was quiet for a little while, studying me in a look that was familiar because I used the same one myself. She was trying to peace things together. Analyzing and calculating things.

"Kat…" She starts out saying then stops before she sighs and nods. "I can try too."

That would have to do for now. That she would try, that I could hope.

*****Page Break*****

Putting me after Tris was a sucky fucking idea. I realize this when I am hit by a meaty fist for what feels like the millionth time because I can't keep my mind straight.

She won, barely, but she won. She didn't win without going down right after she took advantage of the knowledge we had. It took Edward and Al both physically restraining me from going into the ring after Peter. When I saw how vicious he was being, the words he was spewing at her that he thought no one could hear or maybe didn't realize he was even saying. Edward was sporting a split lip, black eye and Al might never father children. In the end, Eric had to step in.

The minute his hands gripped my waist and hauled me back, some sanity came back to me. "Kat, you need to keep it together." Eric had spoke in a low and angry tone. He was angry...either at me or what he was seeing in the ring with Peter. Maybe both but I had a feeling it was more at me.

I would be angry at me too if I were him. So I had dared to look into his eyes. Let him command me with them until I got more control of the anger. But nothing could take it away completely or the worry after she was helped away. Four had ended up taking Tris and Peter along with another initiate.

Eric knew what I was going to demand even before I got the words out. He was already giving me hard, cold eyes and I knew I was seeing Leader Eric, not my friend.

"You're up Initiate. Get your ass in the ring." His voice had rung out, sounding like a gong to me. It was razor edged, hard and cold.

I was livid at him for that. I was beyond furious at Peter in fact I was contemplating some very terrible things for his ass. And Four….he didn't want to come near me right now. That was how bad I wanted to go at him and he knew it. I knew he saw it too because he had started towards me at first but then stopped quickly from whatever snarling look I threw him.

Drew's fist connects with my ribs and I hear a snarl from outside the ring for a moment before it is cut off. "If you can't keep your shit together and fight then get out of the ring... _Initiate_."

Eric's voice is a warning but also I can hear something else there. Worry. I am failing. I am letting him down. But I am letting myself down the most and just like he said, I need to get my shit together...fast.

I need to center myself. I need to do what I had been teaching myself to do for so long but never really had to put into practice.

" _Strength comes from an indomitable will, not physical capability_."

I don't mean to start saying my mantras out loud but I do. Immediately after the first one I start to feel my focus resuming. I feel all those distractions and worries fall away from me as if they were weights dragging me under the waves of anger.

" _Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do_."

I can still feel the anger and worry there, trying to batter down the walls I am building around my mind. I know it is there but I also know I need to not let them through.

With each new mantra I am moving. I am focusing and moving along with my instincts, my body taking over. I land blows and dance away. I dodge blows or kicks or roll with the hits that I knew I had to take to get one in.

" _Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely your own_."

Drew moves in for a kick, and without thinking I react. I grab his leg then twist it and bring force down upon his knee. I hear the pop and his scream but I don't stop. I pull him forward at the same time as bringing my elbow to his face snapping his head back.

I let go and leap back as he swings out with a roar. He sounds like a wounded beast. It only makes me feel stronger as if I am the hunter and I zero in on my prey.

" _Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself_."

"Shut up you fucking freak!" Drew rages, clutching his nose which is coursing with blood.

" _To hell with circumstances, I create opportunities._ " I keep focusing myself with my mantras.

While I am choosing the ones that correspond to the fight and my state of mind, it is unconscious. I am in another zone at the moment. I can still feel pain, see and hear everything around me. I am just not allowing myself to acknowledge any of it or I am afraid I will lose it again.

"I said, shut up you fre…" As he was yelling he moved forward to attack but left his middle open. I took the opportunity and landed two blows to his midsection causing him to double over. Then I used my elbow again to hit the back of his head between his neck and the base of his skull to take him down.

Once he was down, I pounced and and rained a few more blows until I felt him go limp. I was straddling his back to keep him pinned during that and after could only stay there panting. Then big hands were lifting me up and off Drew.

I looked to see it was Eric and I couldn't exactly read his expression. It was tight, his face was tight against his cheekbones and lips thinned. He was staring at Drew as if he would tear him apart at any second. Then he looked to me and impossibly his face got tighter.

"Winner Kat." Then he starts to drag me from the ring. "Next pair in the ring. Four, you think you can manage calling this one?" He didn't wait for an answer as he continued to drag me from the room to who knows where.

I could feel fury radiating from him and for the first time since setting foot in Dauntless, I was afraid of the man holding my arm in a death grip.


	18. The Only Thing We Have To Fear

**A/N: Hey all! How is everyone liking the story? Hopefully you like the direction it is going. Here is another chapter for you!**

 **Chapter 18 - The Only Thing We Have To Fear**

 _Eric_

The minute Tris' fight with Peter started I knew it spelled trouble. Not only for the lack of control Peter went through, most likely brought on by Kat's words, but also from the way Kat reacted.

She went she-cat on me. I knew she had issues with her performance based on emotional or mental distractions but this….this was something else.

Her eyes went wild at the sight of her sister being beaten. She went feral and was acting on instinct alone. Did she know how hard she fought against Edward and Al? How much she hurt them until I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to pull her off them and restrain her myself?

I was livid at her, myself, but most of all fucking Four. Four who walked out of the room during the fight.

Walked. Out.

Couldn't stand the sight of the fight taking place that he himself set up. So he walked out and left me to deal with all of the shit alone. He only came back in, conveniently, when I called enough after Tris took Peter down. Then he took them both to the clinic with another initiate.

Any other time I would have been inwardly laughing my ass off or smirking in pleasure at the shattering screams that boy let out when she got a good kick straight into his junk. But considering she was barely conscious herself and I was still holding onto Kat, it didn't register that way for me.

Having to send Kat into her fight, knowing she was in no state of mind to do it, killed me. I wasn't prepared for the pain I would feel watching her go through that. I couldn't tell if it was watching her suffer emotionally. I couldn't tell if it was watching her take hit after hit. Maybe it was all of it and I didn't know how to deal with those emotions at all.

Then she started to do something that shook me to my fucking core. It was like I was looking at a complete confirmation of everything I hoped I would never find with her. The way she focused herself. She used a meditation technique that would signify Erudite. She answered her own emotions using specific mantras that signified Candor. Facing her fear and pain signified Dauntless. And gods fucking help me even the way she was fighting signified the want to end the fight quickly and causing as little pain as possible...which signified Abnegation. The combination of traits she used in the span of minutes was astounding.

Kat _is_ divergent. My guess would be she is very divergent and would register high on the testing scale. I have never been more scared for someone in my life as I am for her right now and it pisses me off. Because I don't know if I can save her and I realize, that is all I want. Whatever it takes, I need to save her.

When the fight is over and she makes no move to get off Drew, the rage I felt at him touching and hurting her is amplified by the illogical jealousy I get when I see her just sitting there still straddling him. I don't even think when I move to pull her off. Some semblance of sanity resumes but only when I see her bleeding and hurt. Then the need to get her taken care of takes over.

I barely restrain myself from just picking her little ass up and carrying her out. She can walk though so I drag her along with me. It is a repeat of this morning, only there is no one that is going to fucking stop me from taking her myself. I am tensed and ready to tear anyone apart that stands in my way.

"Eric?" It would be deja vu right now with the way Kat is trying to break free from my grip. It would be, if I didn't hear a tremor of fear in her voice. It stops me cold and has me spinning around to face her.

Her eyes are wide with fear and I see her wincing under my hold. "Fuck." I get out and scowl as I loosen the grip but pull her closer. "I...I didn't know I was…" I stop and look to her, still staring with apprehension at me. "Are you scared of me right now, Kat?"

"A little, yes." She replied truthfully but was slowly losing that look of apprehension in her eyes. Her voice still trembled slightly but it was firm and soft.

We were in the middle of a corridor but I pulled her along further down, into an out of the way place with no cameras. This was a normal spot for couples that wanted a bit of privacy.

"Did it occur to you that maybe you should have lied, Kat? Admitting you are afraid...could be a big mistake. Especially to someone like me." I grit out, upset at the thought that she is afraid of me at all. I try not to be hurt by it.

I turn to face her, her back is against the wall and a frown has her nose scrunched up. "Anyone else Eric and I probably wouldn't have hesitated to lie to them. But you…" She stops and takes a deep breath. "Besides the fact that you would know and it would make things worse for me if I did. I am oddly enough not afraid to admit my fear to you."

The weight of her admission takes my breath away for a moment. It takes me a minute to get my voice back and the entire time I fight my urge to press her further against that wall and kiss her. To let her know with my body exactly what that means to me, the trust she is showing me even getting a front and center show and taste of how bad I can be.

"Do you mean that Kat? Really mean that even after…."

"Seeing how angry you were with me for failing you and myself? For not being able to keep my shit together when it was on the line?" She grinds out in a self-recriminatory tone, interrupting what I had been about to say.

I shake my head and try not to let the disbelief that right now she is showing more disgust at her own behavior and not mine.

"For showing how I can really be. How I am to everyone else but the very few I count as friends. Even them, I won't lie and say it never happens."

There are long moments of silence before she answers but it isn't what I expected. "Eric, when you transferred, did you learn everything you could about who might have your fate in their hands? Or did you just go into things blind?" Her tone is soft and there is something there, a weight to her words that I feel pressing in on me.

I am taken by surprise at her question because there is so much I can't say in answer to that. I also feel absolute disgust at the things she would have heard about me, if what she is hinting is true. "I prepared. If you know I was a transfer then you also know where I transferred from...that was our way."

She nodded and winced a little, pain flashing in her eyes. "I know what I could learn and what I heard. I knew what to expect coming here, or at least I thought I did." She tries to smile and when she winces one more time my gut clenches.

"Fuck. Kat, we are getting you to the clinic but you are to go no where near Peter again. Do you hear me? He will be in there but you stay away." Not only because I wanted her to be no where near him until I took care of him but because I wasn't sure she wouldn't go after him again. In fact by the momentary fire that lit her eyes at his name I was pretty fucking sure she would.

"I kind of went crazy, didn't I?" She gets out in a pain filled and soft voice.

My lips thinned at the memory as I nodded. "We can talk about that later. Let's get you looked at."

I take her arm again, and while still firm, it is more supporting and less forceful. When we get into the clinic I direct her to one of the nurses and take on my normal looks.

"This one needs to be looked at. I want her kept away from the guy that was brought in here by Four. Make sure he stays the fuck away from her too unless you just want a few deaths on your hands." I am making it sound like they will kill each other, and while that isn't far from the truth...what I am really thinking is if they allow him near her...they will be on my hit list.

She blanches and nods while Kat groans in pain but also worry. "Can I be near my sister at least?"

The nurse looks to me and I give her a tight nod. Then an idea strikes me and I smirk a little. "I am sure both of the female initiates will need to stay over night. You can release Peter as soon as he finds the ability to walk. Am I clear? Those two _do not_ leave this clinic before the morning."

Kat stiffens under my hold and looks at me. She isn't happy and honestly I don't care. This keeps her under watchful eyes and out of the dorm but also away from Four's scheduled punishment.

"Understood Eric." The nurse says with a nod and motions for Kat to follow her.

I let her arm go, or rather I have to force myself to let her arm go. As soon as I do the rage I was feeling starts to build again. Like just her touch and being near can keep my beast at bay.

Someone is going to find themselves on the receiving end of it, and soon. I stay and watch her be helped onto a bed beside her sister after the nurse has to force her away; assuring her that Tris will be fine.

The look that flashed in Kat's eyes made me glad I gave the order to keep Peter and her far away from each other. Speaking of…..

I make my way over to the area where Peter is on a bed, eyes closed, groaning and clutching his dick gingerly. A nurse comes over to me, shaking her head and whatever is going on with him has her barely holding in amusement.

"Status of the initiate?" I ask her with a raised eyebrow. I am still seething in rage right now so my voice is that deadly calm and soft one it so often takes on in these times.

"Oh, he'll live. He won't exactly feel up to any romantic relations for some time and will have a hell of a time should he try, but he'll live. Apparently he decided it was a great idea to get a piercing...during fights." She lets out a snort before she pulls it back and bites her lip.

 _Oh you have to be kidding me?_ Not that I am complaining because honestly, he deserves what he got for being so stupid.

I shake my head in disbelief and wait until she moves off before approaching him. Sweat is beading on his skin and he is tossing and turning. I am sure he isn't feeling much of the pain he should or could be, judging by the IV of meds he is getting.

Looking around I close the curtains more in his bed area and slip a knife that I have in one of my vest pockets out.

I know the exact moment he realizes I am there when his eyes pop open and a wicked grin slithers across my face when he registers the blade of the knife being pressed against his throat.

"You and I are going to have a little chat, Peter. I am going to make you an offer….and it would be in your best interest to _not_ refuse it." My tone is low, still in the deadly soft tone.

His eyes widen even more and his adam's apple bobs as he swallows nervously, making the knife press slightly into the skin. He gives a small nod letting me know I have his attention.

I have only started to make sure I have it fully. That thought makes my wicked grin turn even more feral in pleasure.

*****Page Break*****

I can't go back to the clinic to check on Kat without drawing too much attention so I am stuck getting second hand fucking reports from Chase and Zach. The three of us didn't feel like going to the dining hall for dinner so had gone to my apartment. I busied myself in making something simple, slamming pots and pans around the entire time.

Kat had several bruised ribs, a slight contusion, her left eye was swollen and would be black. Her nose had escaped being broken, just bloodied and somehow a few fingers had been dislocated during her fight.

She would recover well but was refusing any heavy pain medications. Chase hadn't been able to stay there and watch her, knowing she was letting herself suffer. Now I am glad that I can't go there myself. The rage I feel at her letting herself go through that is through the roof at the moment.

"Do you think you got through to the asshole?" Chase growled out as he took a bite of the pasta I had thrown together.

"Based on the fact that he literally pissed himself? I am going to say my….incentive….will keep him in line." I smirk wickedly as I push my salad around on my plate.

Zach had gone down to check on Kat. Taking her, and despite my less than willing attitude, her sister a plate of food to the clinic.

Chase grumbled something about 'reinforcing the offer'. I sighed and looked at him seriously. "Did you pull the footage from the fights today?"

Chase stopped and looked to me with tight lips and nodded. "I made sure to pull it all for us but also left Kat's fight with corrupted bits. It will look like the camera integrity started to corrupt and won't draw attention. There have been issues with camera visibility in that training room for a while anyways so it isn't beyond belief."

I nod thoughtfully. I wasn't being paranoid here. Ok, maybe overly paranoid. Leadership or even Jeanine wouldn't be looking this soon for the divergence to show but I was being careful. I was trained to start looking for any signs at all times. All of the instructors were given specific things to watch for and report. I couldn't guarantee that Four wouldn't report what had occurred during her fight so was making sure that any evidence of it was gone.

"Did you watch it?" I ask him, crossing my arms over my chest.

He tensed and nodded to me stiffly. "I did." The tone of his answer was also stiff not giving a fucking thing away to others but I picked up on what he wasn't saying.

He knew, just like I did. I hadn't said why I wanted him to pull the footage for my review but then to make sure no one else would be able make anything out of the fight. It hadn't been safe to say anything at the time. I knew he would watch it though and wanted to get his unbiased opinion so made sure not to taint it by hinting at anything.

"And?" I ask, brooding and trying to figure out what to do with this bombshell that has been lurking in my mind since it hit me.

"What are you going to do if it is true, Eric? That is the question I need answered before I say another word." One hand of Chase's is clutched around the fork he is holding in his hand while the other is clenched into a fist on the table. His jaw is tight as his ice blue eyes hold mine.

I stay quiet for a moment, questioning myself and the decision I had reached almost instantly in that training room. The minute I came to the realization that my suspicions weren't only true but that it went beyond what I had first thought.

"Before Kat? I don't know that I would have hesitated to do what I thought to be my sole duty. I wouldn't have hesitated in thinking she was the threat that I….have been told...she is supposed to be. Maybe she is a threat, or at least a threat in a way that is completely different than what I...we..have been lead to believe." I shake my head and smirk as I shrug. "I just don't fucking care. I am going to do whatever it takes to keep her safe, Chase."

Chase let out a slow, relieved breath and while he wasn't quite as tense, it didn't lessen much. "You know this means if we are found out…"

I nod interrupting him but also letting out a relieved breath that he was with me in this. I shouldn't have doubted him, but I had. I didn't know if his bond with me, his friendship, would be enough to go against an entire faction. Fuck that...an army if you put what Jeanine was wanting to do eventually. Maybe our friendship alone wouldn't have been enough. But that and Chase's own feelings for Kat were. And even if I wasn't ecstatic about that, right now, I was thanking fuck we had both fallen for the same girl.

"I know. I don't know what we are going to fully do about it yet. The first thing is to get her through fucking initiation." I say, shaking my head and groan realizing how much work is ahead of us.

"So what exactly was in her aptitude test that caused concern? She didn't get a manual entry, that would suggest inconclusive. The system put it in as Dauntless." Chase's wheels were turning as much as mine were in how we should handle this.

"Usually, when there is a concerning test the person that administers the test reports some kind of reaction to the serum. That is the most common cover. With Kat's test there was no serum reaction at all. The test ran as normal but there was a cascading failure in the program until finally it ended abruptly with the entire station malfunctioning."

"Wait….Kat caused that?" Chase asked confused.

I shook my head in thought but also denial. "No I don't think so, at least not all of it. I think the person administering the test recognized it early on and started to alter things. Either to try and force the program to narrow things down or head towards one specific result. Or they could have known that wasn't going to happen so, from the start, began to slowly degrade the program. Either way, they were fucking smart about it because when Jeanine had her techs look at it, the degradation looked like it came from the program server and not the user or terminal. "

"But she still is saying she wants her?" Chase growled out, knowing that wasn't how we had been handing things for years now. We didn't and wouldn't just hand someone over on Jeanine's say so. Things were and had been going downhill fast lately though.

"Of course. She is going to use whatever excuse to get ahold of Kat and her sister." I sighed and pushed food around on my plate. "I wouldn't be surprised if Tris is just as high as I suspect Kat is."

"So my question still stands. What are we going to do about this? Are you going to save Kat just to hand her sister over, Eric? You know that won't work. You saw her during Tris' fight."

Fuck, this was just getting even more fucked up and complicated by the minute. Did I really care to save Kat's sister? It might be fucked up, but no. Not really, other than I knew it would kill Kat if anything happened to her. I knew I would lose her in one way or another if I didn't do something though.

It was quickly becoming clear that it wouldn't just be as simple as keeping Kat safe. That meant shit if in the end those she cared about were hurt or she found out I had any part of what is on the horizon.

Was keeping her safe, having her by my side, worth abandoning everything I believed and have fought for?

 _No the better question here is do you even really believe in any of that any more? Had you really ever?_

Maybe there was a reason I had become so hollow before now, so dead to the cause that was supposed to be just. Maybe I knew it wasn't. But Kat...she was worth fighting for.

"Chase, they go to the fence tomorrow. Stick close to Kat and her friends. I have to go to council meetings at the Hub while you guys are gone." I order him and pick up my fork to spear some pasta.

"What are you planning?" He asks quietly.

"Maybe it's time I had an actual conversation with those I have been told are our enemy. I am thinking Andrew Prior is a good choice."

If what Kat had said about her parents, her father specifically, is true then speaking with the man would be a good idea. I could try and figure out if what we had been told and lead to believe about Abnegation….the leaders anyways...has any merit or not.

It is time I started asking questions and getting answers for myself. I am quickly becoming far from the perfect leader and soldier I had been. It would remain to be seen if that was a good or bad thing though.


	19. Dazed And Confused

**Chapter 19 - Dazed and Confused**

 _Kat_

I either slept way too much or not enough judging by how my body was protesting every move I made when my alarm went off. There had been no point in arguing that I would be fine going back to the dorm. Both Tris' and my own pleads had fallen on deaf ears. Zach had come to bring us dinner and I tried to appeal to him but I should have known better. As far as he was concerned he was happy I would be staying in the clinic and if he had his way there would be a guard posted right beside my bed.

The only reason it hadn't happened was because that would have been more than a little telling and a bit much. Thank fuck.

We had been surrounded by friends until it was dinner and then they had all been ejected rather briskly by the nurse. I don't know what Eric had said to her but she was super attentive to me. I almost got into a physical fight with her when she was insisting I take pain meds.

It was only when Lynn had shown up and talked to her, apparently it was her sister Shauna, that she let up. It didn't help much more though because as soon as she realized I was her sister's best friend she seemed to double her efforts.

I had finally given into her nagging and let her give me something to help me sleep. She might have slipped in some other shit but at that point I didn't care. It also made Tris happy too when she knew I was accepting something. Zach had even left in a much better mood. So score one for me in making everyone else happy with the fact that I let myself be drugged up.

Whatever Shauna had given me seemed not to be still coursing through my system. Good or bad I couldn't decide right now. The masochist in me was telling me this was my punishment. I had failed. I had failed again and wasn't living up to the promise to myself of making things up to Dauntless and the city by becoming Dauntless myself and being the best soldier I could be.

Soldier's didn't lose their minds at the sight of another fellow soldier doing their job. They didn't put personal feelings and attachments ahead of their duty. They didn't then let all of that get in their head so badly they couldn't defend themselves or others.

So every wince, every twinge, every twist of pain was my just punishment. A physical reminder that I would never let it happen again.

Today we had a trip to the fence. Zach had filled us in on that when I had asked him after Al mentioned to Tris that it was announced at the end of training. There would be no training or fights. That didn't mean I wouldn't still follow my routine.

I grinned when I saw the small pile of folded clothes at the end of my bed with a small note on it. It was a simple set of sweatpants, t-shirt and tennis shoes. My other clothes had been taken away because I was forced into the gown the clinic made you wear when you stayed any real amount of time.

' _Don't think you are getting out of what is expected. Dauntless-born training room. If you want coffee, be on time.'_

There was no name with it but the tone said it was all Eric.

I looked to Tris' bed and frowned. There were no clothes waiting for her so she would need to head back to the dorm to get dressed and ready for her day.

Sighing I went and gently shook her awake after I dressed in the simple clothes. She let out a groan that I am sure sounded similar to the one I had let loose when I woke just minutes earlier...and the entire time I dressed.

"Hrnnn." She moaned and cracked open her eyes. "Oh god Kat. It wasn't all a dream."

I gave a chuckle and gently shook my head. "I'm afraid not Sis. We look quite the pair right now I am sure."

"Well, if I look anywhere near as bad as you...then I can imagine we would scare people away with them screaming something about lepers. You are all black and purple, Kat." She reaches out a hand and tries to probe the battered side of my face in a gentle manner. Her sight is off so she just ends up sticking her finger in my eye.

"Fuck!" I yell and cover my eye. "Damn Tris, I know you were pissed at me for letting myself get hurt so bad but do you have to add to it?"

"Shit. I'm sorry." Tris sits up as quickly as her body will allow.

My eye is watering but I shake my head and start laughing. She has not only just made a joke but also cussed in the span of five minutes. "Ok, now I know how to get you to loosen up. Just make sure to beat the shit out of you and dope you up."

She pauses in trying to reach out to me and playfully scowls at me. "Hey, I am funny. I make jokes all the time. It isn't my fault not many people get sarcasm."

I smirk at her and shake my head. "Maybe you need to actually say these supposed jokes instead of just mentally telling them."

She shrugs and smiles at me. "Maybe I do." She groans when she swings her legs over the bed. "Today is going to suck."

I hummed in agreement. "It is. Look I have to get to the training room to serve my time. You should head to the dorm, get dressed and get some breakfast. We don't have to be to meet the group until 0800 but you want to give yourself plenty of time to move around. The more you move around the less you will hurt later on."

She nods with a sigh and groan combined in one. "I might take a shower."

I tense at this and shake my head. "Not in the dorm. See if you can take one here maybe and just wear the same clothes back to the dorm. Please Tris?"

She nods in agreement and thought. I can tell the thought of a slightly more private shower than the dorm appeals to her so she won't let her pride or stubbornness kick in at my request.

I reach out and hug her lightly then make my way out of the clinic. At first a nurse tries to stop me from leaving or leaving without getting more medication at the very least. But when I mention that I have to meet a certain leader and would hate to tell him I was made late because I was held up by her, she quickly lets me go.

It seems to take forever to make my way to the training room. Apparently the guys thought so too because I am met halfway from the clinic by Chase and Zach.

Chase sighs when he gets a look at me but Zach smiles at me encouragingly. "You are already looking better, Kat."

Chase snorts causing me to glare at him and Zach to slap him upside the head. "What? You want me to lie to her? Sorry, not going to happen. Prepare yourself Kat. He is going to flip when he sees you."

I groan and bite my lip, a mistake because I feel the sting of my split lip. "He is already worked up isn't he?"

Chase grunts and looks me over, his face pinched and what looks like circles under his eyes. "You mean still...not already."

I sigh and walk on, Chase putting his hand under my elbow until Zach mumbles something like 'bad idea'. Causing him to move it away and puts space between himself and me. I frown but don't say anything because I don't have the energy to wonder what that is about. It is requiring more effort to move and breath than I would have thought. I didn't actually have fractured ribs but it seemed the bruising was enough to make breathing hurt just as bad.

"Did you take anything this morning, Kat?" Zach asked as we made it to the training room finally.

I shook my head. "No. I will be fine. The more I move around the less it will hurt later."

I could only hope that would be the case.

"Well, I guess it is a good thing Eric has some things back at the apartment you can take. You can also get showered there since you aren't going back to the dorm." Both were orders and while I would wait to reserve my argument on the meds they were going to try and cram down my throat, the shower did sound blissful.

"Mmmmm. A shower sounds excellent. Hey!" I look over to the two of them scowling. "I was promised coffee."

"Well…" is drawled slowly in front of me but even though I can tell he is trying to sound casual there is coiled anger in that one word. "At least she sounds like her normal self. You get your coffee after we talk about what exactly you were thinking yesterday." Eric hadn't waited for me to get to him. Oh no, he had stalked to me in that way that sent shivers through me.

Even though he still had the same amount of fury etched into his face and body it didn't send fear through me like it did yesterday. It worried me, yes, but I wasn't afraid. Then even the worry was gone, as suddenly and very gently one arm had gone to my waist to pull me closer while the other hand slid along my jaw until he was cradling my face in his hand. My body was flush against his, my hands had gripped his vest in surprise and support.

I had been having trouble breathing already but this stole my breath away as he tilted my head back, his eyes moving over my face. His lips thinning even more as he took in the swollen lumps and bruised flesh.

I became suddenly so very self-conscious of just how ugly I must look. I tried to pull away, my face pulling into frown.

How was it possible for him to still be so gentle while keeping me locked firmly into place? "You will never do that to me again, Kat. I will be making sure that something like that never happens again...just, not today. This morning you aren't training. The one morning I am giving you a pass for. If this happens again, I will make what happened in that ring yesterday look like love taps. Do you understand me?"

His voice had the deadly soft quality he used that got across his point so much more effectively then yelling or a raised voice ever could.

I swallowed and licked my lips nervously as I nodded. "Yes Eric."

The pad of his thumb ghosted across my lips seconds behind my tongue and he inhaled through widened nostrils. Even with the pain in my lip that gesture had my breathing picking up and my knees feeling like they were going to buckle. A flush crept across me that seemed to start around my core and sent tingling through my entire body.

For a moment I felt like we were moving towards each other but that could only be the dizziness I felt and not real.

Chase cleared his throat and Eric blinked then glared at Chase. Whatever look Chase was giving behind me must have been communicating something because Eric sighed and nodded before stepped back.

"We better get up to the apartment. Kat, walk ahead with Zach. I won't be far behind."

I frowned but nodded. As soon as he had moved away I felt a rush of the pain that had momentarily been absent. I also felt a keen sense of loss from him no longer touching me. It sent an ache through me, stronger than the ones in my pains and muscles currently. I couldn't even handle where that ache was originating from it had me blushing so badly. I turned to see Zach waiting by the door and walked gingerly over to meet him.

Chase and Eric walked a distance behind us but I felt bad because I was setting the pace and it wasn't a fast one. Everytime I tried to pick it up though I would hear dual growls from behind me and Zach would sigh in frustration. At me or them...not sure which one.

"We have all been where you are right now, Kat. It isn't weakness to need time to recover or take something to help." Zach said with a pointed look to me after I had tried to go into more of a brisk walk.

I pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth and nodded. "I know it isn't weakness. That isn't why I…"

"Oh god. Kat, don't fucking say it. I can't stand to hear you say that again. Eric might lose his shit right here if he hears it….." Zach trails off and had been speaking low to begin with when he interrupted me.

He casts a nervous look over his shoulder but quickly looks back to me and shakes his head. "Whatever reasons you think you deserve the shit you are doing to yourself, have you ever really talked about it with anyone Kat?"

I flush and shake my head in the negative. No I haven't and because of reactions like Zach's. How can I tell people or make them understand how deep it runs in me, the need for this thing? How can I explain where it originated from without bringing on more questions? How can I talk about it with the people I would even trust enough to tell, knowing it would hurt them to hear it.

"No. I guess I just don't…" I sigh and shrug, then wince from the movement pulling on my ribs.

Thankfully we are finally at Eric's door and equally as thankfully he didn't press any more on the subject as he enters in the code, pushes open the door and then motions for me to go in first.

"I will start the coffee and breakfast. Eric already has some things in his bathroom for you but I am sure he is going to want to tell you all of this himself. I was thinking of doing omelettes this morning. Sound good?" Zach asks as we move through the small entryway and into the apartment.

I give a little chuckle and smile at him genuinely. "Honestly? Food in general sounds awesome and anything I don't have to cook even better."

"Are you a terrible cook or something?" He asks playfully and with a real smile back at me, heading right to the kitchen.

I shrug slightly and shake my head. "Not terrible if you count by Abnegation standards. I guess if you just are in a real bind and want very boring and bland food then I am your girl. I could learn new shit if I wanted to but oddly enough…" I stop and smirk over at him. "I am A OK with never having to cook again. Maybe I am just on a kitchen strike phase or something."

He let out a laugh and shrugged. "Well since I like cooking and Eric doesn't mind it so much either, I think we have you covered. If not the dining hall does at least."

Eric and Chase had entered in at the last part. Zach had already moved into the kitchen to get the coffee started and I was standing in front of Eric's book shelf thumbing through a book that had caught my eye.

Chase was chuckling and Eric was shaking his head.

"Let's get you set up to take a shower, Kat." Eric said coming over to me, taking the book from my hand and putting it up but keeping a hold of my hand. "You can borrow it if you want." He mumbled and pulled me with him towards where the bathroom is.

Which is in his bedroom.

I tried not to blush, but failed. Tried not to gulp, and failed at that too.

Eric hadn't laughed smiled or lightened up at all along the way from the training room to his apartment. This brought a chuckle from him though.

 _I won't look at his bed!_

Massive thing that it is strangely...fluffy...looking.

Ok, so I am looking but I will not let out a moan at how utterly fabulous it would feel to sink into that thing and sleep away the soreness in my body. "Hmmm"

 _Failed that dammit!_

"Fuck me…" I mutter and jump when Eric growls then tugs me a little harder to the bathroom.

He slams a hand to the door sending it jarring into the wall and flicks on a light. "I have towels and bath stuff on the counter for you. Zach picked it out so blame him if it smells bad. Toothbrush, toothpaste." He starts pointing to stuff and his voice is a tight rumble as if he is straining to talk at all. "There are some clothes here that might be better for where you are going to today. It will be cold. Before you get dressed all the way though…" He stops with a huff and runs a hand over his face "I have shit that we need to put on you to help your ribs and bruising. Then we are going to wrap your ribs up and that should help with breathing."

I blush when he finishes and stare stupidly at him. "Ummm...ok."

 _It's ok Kat. You can do this. Lynn and Mar talked you through this. You have even sparred with them and Uri in your sports bra and crop top tank before._

 _Yeah but you didn't want to do with them the things you were thinking about in your dreams last night that you want to do with the man in front of you. You also are nowhere near having the type of body the other women here in Dauntless have._

"I won't try anything Kat. I just want to help." Eric had moved to tilt my chin and make me look at him. His forehead is all scrunched up and he lost most of the strained look. Now he sounds just...worried and genuine.

"Believe me, I don't think you would try anything." I mean to reassure him that I trusted him and didn't think that of him. Instead my words seemed to upset him for some reason.

He shakes his head, lets his hand drop and moves to the door. "Just...get showered. Take your time. I know it will feel good to have a private shower and who knows when you will get another. When you get done just call me and we can get all of that done."

I nod and watch him start to close the door, frowning as I watch him go with slightly slumped shoulders and a scowl.

"Eric." I call out and turn more fully to him. I put a hand out to come into contact with his on the door handle.

He stops and looks to me but the expression hasn't changed.

"I really do trust you Eric. I am sorry if you didn't believe me earlier."

I curl my fingers around his hand and let my thumb gently brush across his skin. I swear I feel a little tremble in his arm before he tilts his head and smirks at me.

"That's a start Kat. Thank you."

Then he smiles at me before nodding and gently moving to close the door.

Now I am the one scowling and left a little bewildered by his response. A start to what? And why did that, along with how his eyes seemed to move over me briefly, cause warmth and a slight wetness to center at my core? It was an innocent look from a friend and I needed to find a way to get over all of that if I didn't want to mess things up.

I really needed to talk about this shit with someone. Not Mar. She would go all girly squeal and demand to know why I was asking and who I was feeling that way about.

Lynn...she knows about Eric and I being friends. She knows of my attraction to him. She is also blunt, brutally honest and could be discreet about things. There were so many things I needed to talk to her about in regards to what I was feeling and sex. Things I hadn't bothered to really ask about outside of learning the basics in health class. Now that I was feeling things though….curiosity might just kill this fucking cat.

With a nod I move to the shower and start the water. Just checking the temperature and water pressure has me closing my eyes with a sigh and moan of pleasure. I am going to enjoy the hell out of this, if I don't hurt myself trying to enjoy it.

I chuckle a little and strip to step into the super hot water. I hope Dauntless has a big enough supply of this, because I am about to try and set a record for the longest shower in history.


	20. Across A New Divide

**Chapter 20 - Across A New Divide**

 _Eric_

I leave Kat to shower, distracted and in thought as I walk out of my bedroom and back to join the others in the living room. My emotions all over the place and doubts running through my mind. I was only slightly less angry on the rage scale I had stayed at all through the night. Her words about trusting me there at the end had lightened that a little bit.

I was glad of that, fucking relieved really, that I could hear it ring true in her voice and eyes. I was also doubting things between us by the tone she had when she declared she didn't think I would try anything.

It was said as if she believed it because there would never be a possibility of it. So did she really only want to be the friends that I had suggested what was feeling like months ago? Or maybe that confused her and in her mind because I said friends she was firm that nothing else would ever happen?

I am scratching my head as Zach puts a cup of coffee out for me and I slump into my seat.

"What did she say about the bath stuff?" He asks, nervously.

"Huh?" I look up at him and frown in confusion.

"The bath stuff I got….did she like it?"

I shrug "I guess, she didn't say one way or the other."

"Oh, ok. So did she give you any trouble about wanting to use the rubs on her ribs or in general?" Now his tone was worried and as he eyed me.

"No. I mean...not really. She says she trusts me so I guess that is good." I mutter and take a drink of my coffee.

Chase chuckles a little. "Well, it ain't a bad thing. But something tells me that isn't the response you were looking for?"

"That isn't it. It's just...I was trying reassure her I wouldn't try anything and she muttered in a firm but completely off tone 'Believe me, I don't think you would try anything'. It was like there was a whole lot more meaning to the words and the only thing I can think of is maybe...fuck...maybe, all she wants is to be friends." I get out in a frustrated huff.

"Was anything else said?" Chase asked with a smirk at me.

I shake my head and frown at him. "No, I just told her to take her time and left. She did stop me before I could though and said that she really does trust me and sorry if I didn't believe her before when she said it."

Chase and Zach looked at each other, smirking before Zach shook his head and laughed. "Well this should be interesting to watch."

"Eh, we will have to help them out here and there, but I agree." Chase adds and picks up his cup of coffee to drink.

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" I grind out and feel the anger that had lessened slightly start to flare back up.

Chase sighs and shakes his head. "Ok, here is a tip for you. I wasn't there when she said it but I can make a guess from knowing her as we are all coming to know her and where she came from. Her tone and what she said...had nothing to do with you really. Fifty credits says she said it because that is how she is seeing herself. As someone you wouldn't try anything with."

My scowl and anger are not helped by this at all. "Why the fuck not?"

"Jesus Eric. Just because she isn't like the normal Abnegation doesn't mean that she is going to come in here thinking she is the shit or seeing herself as desirable in that kind of way. She hasn't had any practice with it and no interest either. Until now that is. I have seen the way she looks at you. Saw how she reacted to you in the training room. She has interest in you that way. But I am pretty sure based on what you are saying that she most likely doesn't think you could or would be interested in her that way." Chase gets this all out after rolling his eyes at me. I could also see a slight bit of pain in his eyes when he mentioned him seeing her reaction to me.

I groan as what he is saying hits me. Not that she feels that way but that she does and I can't really do shit about it yet. "Well...fuck! What do I do with that? I don't want her to not know I am attracted to her but dammit I can't do anything about it right now either! And do you know how much torture it was just to hear her reaction to seeing my bed? She gave this little moan and blushed...and just...god damn this is hell. Is this what relationships are like? Because….I think I might fucking die of frustration here."

I am ranting lowly, keeping an ear open for the shower….which was still going. Kat was taking me literally on the whole take your time thing.

Chase and Zach are laughing at my frustrated rant and wide eyes. "Yeah, pretty much all relationships are like that." Chase smiles a little. "With the right person though it is completely worth the payoff."

I sigh and put my face in my hands after setting the coffee cup down. "This is going to be a long six weeks." I mutter into my hands.

"Tell me about it." They both mutter at the same time causing me to crack a smile knowing they are lamenting already that my cranky, moody and violent outbursts are going to put some royal dampers on the next few weeks for them.

"And not just because you are going to become a colossal dick until you can finally…" Chase trails off as my eyes snap to his in a glare thinking he is going to make some crude joke about Kat and I. "Dude...you need to chill. I wasn't going there with that. Maybe anyone else...but you should know.."

I should know it is probably hurting him even thinking of me like that with her and he cares for her just as much so wouldn't say crap like that. Gods, I am such a dick about her.

"Sorry man. I don't want shit said about her like that and we know it will be coming. I should know better that it won't be either of you, ever." I mumble out and take a drink.

He nods and sighs. "What I was going to say is that it is going to be a long few weeks until initiation is over in general. We still have some shit to plan for."

Zach nods in agreement. We had let him know about Kat and what we determined when he got back from the clinic after being with Kat until she had finally gone to sleep. Thankfully Shauna, Zach and her sister had helped to convince her to accept the sleep aid that was also laced with some pain meds.

"We can start on that but I will have a better idea of what those plans might be after the council meeting today. The main focus will be for the upcoming fear sims but also working with Kat on her issues. If I can't get her to keep her focus…" I shake my head trailing off.

"She has a damn good way of focusing, Eric. Can we get her to use that but not let the world know what she is doing? That is the question. Do we tell her we know? Does she even know that she is? If she doesn't, wouldn't it be better to not let her know at all and just coach her in ways to hide it?" Chase says all of this and it isn't anything we all haven't thrown out there all through the night while we were hashing all of this out.

It had been a long and sleepless night for all of us. We had alternated between getting things ready for the day, watching the cameras in the clinic and putting out ideas and questions. So many things had come out that each of us had been questioning about ourselves, the faction and the fucking plans ahead of us. So many questions we still hadn't been able to come up with answers or plans for.

The one thing we were all firm about was we were going to make sure Kat was safe. That we hid or helped her hide her divergence. We were divided on what to do about her sister. We had no clue what to do, if anything, about the plans Erudite and Dauntless had.

"One step at a time I guess. Today we make sure Peter keeps to our little bargain and she makes it back home safe." I get this out just as we all hear the water turn off in the shower.

Zach gets up and starts to cook breakfast and Chase looks to me worriedly. "You going to be able to handle going in there? Also, be prepared that she might refuse any kind of medicines now that she has had time to process and wake up a little."

"I should just have Zach slip some in her fucking coff…"

"No. I won't break her trust like that. You can do it if you are willing to lose the trust she has in you. I'm not. The only reason I felt even okay about it last night was because I could tell she knew Shauna was putting a lot more than sleep meds in that needle." Zach called to me firmly from the kitchen.

"Fine." I grumble knowing he is right. It wouldn't be worth the argument or consequences even if I would love to know she was in less pain. "I will just try and reason with her and if that doesn't work I may just order her ass to take something."

"Just tell her that we aren't giving her any of the stuff that would make her body slow to react. Considering what she will be doing today that would be stupid. Maybe appeal to her Abnegation and point out just like she doesn't want to see her sister hurting…"

"Her sister won't want to see her hurting either." I grumble out and interrupt Zach. "Sounds like way too much work when I could just order her to take them and be done with it."

Chase shrugs with a smirk. "Ok. Do it your way and just see how far that gets you in her graces when you are trying to woo her."

I scowl at him. Not only because he is right but… "Did you just fucking say _woo_ her?"

He chuckled and shrugged but turned his head along with Zach and I when we heard the door to the bathroom opening. I was already standing up when we heard Kat softly calling out my name.

I take a deep breath and grunt at Chase's mumbled 'good luck'.


	21. Eyes On Fire

**A/N: Really hope you are enjoying the story. Would love to have any feedback you guys have. Things heat up for Kat and Eric.**

 **Chapter 21 - Eyes On Fire**

 _Kat_

I am stalling and I know it. I have been as dressed as I can get before I know I need to let Eric be aware I am ready. During the shower I had run a million possible excuses through my head that I could give him as to why I didn't really need any medicines or help. All of them were feeble and made me feel weak for even thinking of trying to use them.

Then there was the fact that something told me refusing him would be a bad idea. He seemed to be teetering on a razor's edge with his anger right now. Me not allowing him to help or just not doing what any sane person would do might set him over it. I was still resolved to not let him give me any kind of pain killers. That wasn't about making myself suffer but about the lack of control I felt with them. He could be mad all he wanted but I wouldn't give in on this point.

Even having resolved that I was going to let him help me, I was still procrastinating. I took my time combing and braiding my hair. Using the lotion and moisturizer that Zach had seen to buying me. I toyed with the idea of using the little bit of makeup he had also apparently decided to pick up but with the condition of my face it was a useless task. I sat staring at myself in the mirror for minutes, turning this way or that and trying analyze myself. Trying to see myself through his eyes when he came in. Trying not to think too hard about who picked out the underthings they had set out for me or not let my knees go weak at the thought that it was Eric.

I have never thought of myself in terms of pretty, plain, ugly or anything of that nature. I heard lots of comparisons or adjectives yelled at me by others from different factions. But honestly I had never given much thought over my looks, other than wanting to break out of the Abnegation mold. My focus from the time before the incident had been just being free from the confines of my faction. Then after the incident my sole focus had been on making myself stronger and a better person.

Even when Four had shown...interest..in my early teens, I hadn't put thought into if it was because of my looks or not. Honestly, I have always been convinced it was because he thought he should be with me. Who he thought I should be anyways or someone like that.

I sigh at that thought because that is a whole other slew of worries that I didn't have the wits to contemplate right now. I would ponder about Four and Tris later.

My worry was the young woman before me now in the mirror and the man, the first man, I wanted to notice me. He never would but what I was seeing in the mirror was not enough to measure up to the women I am sure he could have in a second if he wanted to anyways.

My hair was a lighter shade of blonde than my sisters. Dull, in my opinion, compared to the mixes of tones in hers. Where hers had blonde, brown and bronze all mixed together in way that could be stunning; my blonde hair was almost the color of bleached wheat with hints of gold in it. Not the shimmering locks I had always been slightly envious of.

We had the same general shape of nose but mine turned up just the slightest at the end. Making it more cute instead of strong or striking like hers.

My lips were bow shaped and annoyingly pouty.

My eyes a little too wide making the overall girl like appearance of my combined features even more like a child instead of an alluring woman.

Combine that with my short and petite frame and I could be mistaken for a boy if I weren't wearing clothes that showed off the curves I did have, centered around my hips and ass. That I had plenty of. It was what Lynn liked to jokingly call my junk in my trunk.

Not enough by half to compete with the women I saw eyeing Eric in the dining hall or Pit. Those were women with a capital W. Figures encased in skin tight clothing, ample cleavage and perfectly groomed for the art of seduction. Nothing I had the first clue about achieving.

Through with my reflections and my reflection, I went and opened the door then called his name. Then, because I didn't want to look as ill at ease as I was feeling, I hoped up onto the bathroom counter and hoped I looked casual about this all. Sitting in jeans, boots and a sports bra.

I shook my head at the drama I was causing myself at the moment and look at my hands. I hear his steps as he approaches the bathroom and keep my head down, playing with my hands and nails.

"Did you leave any hot w…" Eric stopped in the middle of a chuckled question as he came in the door and stood there.

I only knew where he was and that he had stopped because I saw his feet from where my eyes were still glued to my hands.

"Did I leave any hot water?" I smirk a little and shrug. "I might have left a tiny amount."

He clears his throat and steps forward, his boots thumping on the tiled floor. I hear the thudding of my heart sounding in my ears, three beats for each pause between his steps. His intake of breath sounds in my ears and brings to my attention the fact that my own breathing is at least two times faster then his. He may be barely breathing at the moment but it seems I can't take enough breaths.

One of his large, warm and wonderfully calloused hands takes both of my clasped hands in his while the other slides along my jaw for the second time today. He tilts my head up gently so that I once again am looking into his eyes while his thumb strokes my cheek softly.

Before his eyes had been filled with anger and worry. The worry was still there but there was something else that I couldn't understand. They were a deeper blue and seemed to burn even more into mine. His lower lip was trapped between his teeth before he released it and a breath at the same time.

"Are you ok, Kat?"

I nod and smile a little at him. "I hurt a little but the shower did help."

The side of his mouth quirked up in a side smile and he shook his head. "That isn't what I meant...Kat…" He asked in a husky voice, pausing before he said my name. As if he almost said something else before it. "Are you ok being here like this...with me?"

 _No. But not for the reasons you would think, Eric. Not for any reasons I could admit without ruining our friendship, and I don't want that to happen._

I answer that honestly in my mind before I take a breath and smile with a nod. "I said I trust you Eric and I do." My answer is just as honest as the one in my mind.

He sighs but doesn't break his gaze or let me go. He looks to be searching my face or eyes for something until they move over my to my injuries. Then the look in his eye changes. This one I can recognize from how his face starts to transform to the tightness from before. The next few minutes leave me breathless as not only his gaze but his hands start to move over me.

I close my eyes and try to keep my breathing normal while the rough fingertips from both of his hands start to go over those areas, my injuries, that he is cataloging and evaluating. His look was one of worry but went to nothing but clinical in how it moved over me.

His hands and eyes might be moving over me in a non sexual manner but my body and mind didn't give a shit. He was touching me and it took everything in me to fight back the moans that wanted to erupt from me. I kept my eyes clenched shut tight and internally scowled with every soft whimper I didn't manage to hold back.

"Tell me if you need me to stop or back away, Kat." His voice was strained and deep. Deeper than I had ever heard it before and I imagined it was from the anger and worry as he saw first hand how badly I had allowed myself to be hurt.

I could only nod my answer but he must have been too absorbed and didn't see it. "Answer me Kat." He demanded of me, the deepness of his voice and command rumbling from his chest and straight into my core. The wetness from earlier was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. It was liquid desire just pooling there and causing me to hold in the squirming I wanted to do to try and find some kind of….something. Relief maybe?

His voice and his touch were creating a whirlpool in my core and stomach.

"Yes Eric, I will. I'm ok though." I gasp out slightly, still keeping my eyes closed tightly. "Don't...I...please...I mean you don't have to stop."

I cringe internally because that was me practically begging him at this point, moaning even. His fingers had been moving along my sides, one hand on each side. What started out as just faint presses of his fingertips along my ribs became even more delicious contact.

Near my hips his full hand slid across the bare skin, a whisper of the heat of his skin against the goosebumped flesh of mine at my waist. Then his fingers slid a slow progression up, almost caressing each rib until with a gasp and my head falling back, his fingers skimmed the ribs just under my breasts causing my nipples to go hard and goosebumps to break out all along my body.

His hands stilled and I cursed myself in my head for letting that gasp out. My skin was flushing red from embarrassment and I felt tears burning behind my closed eyes. I expected him to pull away, step back and address the situation in an awkward manner.

He didn't pull away though, in fact he moved even closer until I was forced to open my legs a little and my knees brushed along his hips. His hands had moved from my sides, up my arms until they traveled across my shoulders, up my neck and to either side of my face. There they stopped and he cupped my head gently.

"Kat, look at me." It wasn't until he spoke that I became aware that his own breathing was hard, seeming to match my own, and his voice was a deep tone but husky as well.

I frowned and opened my eyes, more worried if he was ok than I was about my own embarrassment at the moment. I almost wish I hadn't. That I had denied his demand because what I saw couldn't be real. In his eyes I think I saw the same desire I knew to be coursing through me. His lips were also tilted up at the corners in what was, confusingly, a smug smile.

Then his face was moving closer to mine and any rational thought fled my mind except one.

 _Please, oh please, let him be about to kiss me._


	22. Light Me Up

**A/N: Things are heating up for our two kids! Here is another chapter for it and I hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 22 - Light Me Up**

 _Eric_

I had thought I could handle things, not well, but I thought control was still possible. That I would be able to keep things more clinical and helpful. The actions of an instructor and concerned friend. Until I got sight of her on my bathroom counter and the casual joke I had been trying to make to mask my own nervousness stopped right in its tracks.

It wasn't that she was wearing anything I hadn't seen on I don't know how many other women during training or around Dauntless. It wasn't that what she was wearing, she did to purposely try and lure me in or was wearing to be revealing, like some of the women in Dauntless did regularly. Running around in a jacket, a sports bra and jeans or a bottom of some sort. I can't even lie and say that my body hadn't responded to the sight on occasion either.

Nothing had prepared me for the sight of Kat in my bathroom dressed that way though. Dressed in the things I had picked out for her, even if they weren't racy in the least. It literally stole the breath from me and had me instantly going so hard I almost just turned the fuck around and yelled at Chase or Zach to get in there. Then the thought of either of them near her like this almost brought a snarl to my lips.

"Did I leave any hot water?" She gave a small smirk and shrug while still not looking up and to me. Her eyes were trained on her hands in her lap. "I might have left a tiny amount."

I could see her nervousness so I kept that shit in and moved closer to her. I use that she hasn't looked up yet to try and get myself under control and hope to hell she doesn't notice the fact that I have a raging hard on right now.

I clear my throat as I move forward but as I near her, the control I thought I had starts to slip. I reach out, taking both her hands in one of my own while my other one goes to cup her face. Even here and now in this completely vulnerable and uncomfortable state she doesn't do anything but respond completely to my touch. I tilt her head to look into her eyes while I stroke her cheek. My worry that she might not want me like I want her is still there. I also worry that I am pushing things too much with her.

"Are you ok, Kat?" I finally ask after I think I have found enough of my voice to not betray the absolute haze of desire that is riding me right now.

She nods and gives a small smile. "I hurt a little but the shower did help."

I shake my head and give a side smile at her completely missing what I was really asking if she is ok with. "That isn't what I meant…" I paused for a moment when I realize that the affectionate nickname _baby_ almost rolled out of my mouth and my voice is husky with the need for it to be said "...Kat. Are you ok being here like this...with me?"

There is a pause as she looks to me and for a moment, very brief, her eyes become slightly filled with regret and sadness.

"I said I trust you Eric and I do." While her answer has that ring of truth to it there is also something else there. Like there was an unspoken answer she couldn't or wouldn't get out.

I search her eyes again for a hint of what that might be but can find nothing. I don't find the answer to my worry and Chase's guess that she really does want me. That her own doubts of herself might be clouding her from seeing my true wants.

As I am looking at her I just can't help but wonder how she doesn't know she is so fucking beautiful. When I get to the side of her face that is bruised, swollen and cut up even; the anger I had felt started to rise up again. Those are the injuries I had already burned to memory. Now I was intent on doing the same with the others.

When my hands started to move over her, that was what it was. Me burning her injuries into my mind with the silent promise that this would never fucking happen again. That lasted all of about two minutes though, my touching her in evaluation and memorization.

Her eyes had closed instantly, clenched tightly. The first whimper she let go that sounded as if she was trying to bite it back had me scowling and cursing at myself.

"Tell me if you need me to stop or back away, Kat." I demanded of her, my eyes moving back to her body. Drawn not in by the bruises anymore despite me trying to keep this to only that. Her hips flared to an ass I was seconds from grabbing and letting fill my hands. My fingers teasing myself as I kept brushing along her sides, no longer even trying to pretend I was touching her ribs to check the injuries. My fingers ghosting over the ridges of old scars that wrap around her ribs to her back and I can only assume were gotten in her training while younger.

It takes me a moment to register she never answered and my gaze moves to her face again. "Answer me Kat." I demand of her hoarsely.

While my focus went to her face, my hands moved on their own and slid across her hips and I noticed for the first time was pebbled with tiny goosebumps along her creamy skin.

"Yes Eric, I will. I'm ok though." She gasps out, panting softly. Her eyes are still closed tightly. "Don't…" she stops and pants "I...please.." she moans slightly "I mean you don't have to stop."

She is all but outright begging me and in that moment I know she does want me as much as I want her. All the signs are there for me to see.

I should stop right now. I should stop before I take this somewhere we can't take it right now. I don't stop though as I move my fingers up in a light caress, watching as her breathing becomes more ragged and her nipples pebble under the black cloth of her bra. As if some kind of magnet my hands started to head for that direction, aiming to cup her and brush against those visible nubs.

Just as I get to under her breasts and brush along the tantalizing flesh there she lets out a gasped moan and her head falls back, a look of pure pleasure etched across her face. I have to still my hands and close my eyes. My breathing and body responding to her. Then I saw her cringe, clench her eyes tighter and a small tear leaked from a corner of her eye.

Fuck that. I knew what that was from without even seeing her eyes. She was ashamed of herself and I couldn't have that.

I move in closer but try to keep some distance so she isn't scared by the proof of my own desire for her at the moment. I go to cup her face again so I can get her to look at me but still can't bring myself to break the exploration of all her lovely bare skin so let my hands skim up and along her body until I get to cradle her head in my hands.

"Kat, look at me." I might be trying to keep her unaware of how hard my dick is but I don't bother even trying to hide the desire in my tone or eyes. I want her to see, I need her to see that and know what she does to me. So she doesn't doubt how I feel and where I want this to go. Even though I know it is going to be torture.

When she opens her eyes, they are filled with the haze of desire and I feel a smug pleasure fill me at that. I can't be more pleased at how responsive she is to just even simple touches. I drive the images out of my mind of what other things I can do to illicit more of those moans she didn't mean to let loose.

I plan to use her dazed state to accomplish a few things, because yes I am a bastard like that, before I attend to the real purpose of me being in here. I move forward and watch as her eyes widen slightly when I do.

I know what she thinks I am about to do. As much as I so want to, that isn't a line I can let myself cross right now. So instead of the kiss I want to claim from her mouth, I press my lips to her forehead and don't try and stop the groan at the jolt of electricity or desire from the contact.

Kat's hands, which had been clenched together during all of my explorations, shot out and grasped my shirt at my back in a death grip. She pulled me closer but I was already moving that way myself. My hands dropped from the sides of her face and went around her to pull her against me in my arms. I breathed her in and felt her sigh as her body melted into mine.

Fuck she felt good here. Too good and I knew I couldn't hold her like this for long before I did something really stupid.

"Has anyone told you how beautiful you are, Kat?" I ask her honestly but I think I already know the answer.

She stiffens in my arms and goes to pull away completely. I let her pull back slightly but my eyes moves to hers while I let my fingers stroke along her back and spine. My fingers tracing more of those thin ridges that are scars. Something in my desire filled mind tries to break free but I am too caught up in her reactions to me to let whatever thought might be trying to come forward loose.

Her back arches even while her face is scrunched up in a frown. "I'm not….no one's ever…" She stops while shaking her head to deny my statement and answer to my question.

One hand continues to stroke up her spine until I reach her neck. I mean to cup the back of her head. But something has me moving my fingers to go around the front of the neck and then along her collarbone. I let my fingers explore the tattoo that is now laid bare for me to view.

"You are Kat. So fucking beautiful." I whisper, straining with need.

 _What am I supposed to be doing here again? 'Cause all I want to do is lean forward and taste the skin underneath the tease of a tattoo she has._

"M'not Eric." She pants as my lips brush against the skin in the barest of kisses, making me close my eyes as her taste hits me. "Look at me."

With a sigh I pull back and do just that. "I am looking at you." I shake my head and move a hand to her face and lightly run over the bruises. "If you are referring to these...even this can't make you any less beautiful." I scowl a little as she winces in pain. I reach around her to the counter and pluck up the tube of ointment that will lessen the swelling and bruising. It will also help with a little of the pain.

I have to break contact with her a little to unscrew the cap and squeezed some on two fingers. When I put it the tube back I gently start applying the gel.

"Honestly Kat, even with how angry seeing you hurt makes me, these probably make you even more beautiful to me." She had started to bite her lips and clutched my shirt even tighter as I attended to her. Not all of it was from her liking my touch. A good bit of it was from the pain and that was what elicited my thought.

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. "How does looking like I am trying to grow potatoes on one side of my face make me supposedly more beautiful?"

Her refusal to see she is beautiful and apparent lack of self confidence in that area was starting to piss me off. So with a scowl I used the hand that wasn't soothing the gel in, to grip her chin and make her look at me. My eyes went hard and commanding.

"Kat, do I strike you as the type to need or want to lie about something like this? To just give out compliments at all much less of this type?" I demand of her.

She gingerly bites her lip and her eyes water a little as she shakes her head. "No...I just don't….why me Eric?"

My eyes soften slightly and my lips twitch in a small smile. "Why am I saying it or why do I find you that way?"

"Both."

I let go of her chin and stay quiet as I continue to put the gel over the injured side of her face. I can't tell her everything but I can hope to tell her enough so that it stops her questioning if I could want her.

"Because it's true and because of more reasons than I can put words to right now. But to answer your first question. These…." I motion to her bruises in total, not just on her face "...make you even more beautiful to me because I know how and why you got them." I stop speaking for a moment and look at her, gripping her chin firmly and gently so she sees my absolute seriousness with my next words. A bit of that agitation from her allowing herself to be hurt so badly coming through.

"Again, even though that does piss me off Kat and we will be talking about all of that, the reason.." I trail off then move to get more of the ointment and start to work on her ribs and upper body.

"The reason…." She prods me in a soft tone to continue.

"The reason is beautiful to me. You might have been reacting in a way that we need to work on but it was also done for someone you love and care for deeply. You are sitting here, not making a fucking peep in protest or pain even though I know you are in more pain than you are letting on. The strength of will and character of that, is beautiful to me. So add that to how the fact that beauty was already there before…." I shrug and frown in concentration as I work.

She swallows heavily and lets out a long, deep breath. "Thank you." She finally says after minutes of silence.

I had already moved to start wrapping her rib up by the time she spoke again. I taped the end of it and then let my hands fall to her hips as I looked into her eyes.

"No one has ever said that to me. I believe you."

I smirk a little and tilt my head. "Believe that you are or that I mean it?"

She flushes red and smiles. "That you mean it."

I take a breath and lean again to press my lips to her forehead. "That's a start Kat. This is a start." I mutter the last part lowly and against her skin.

I have to force myself to quickly step back and not pull her right back when her frown is instant at the loss of our contact.

"Breakfast is ready guys." Zach calls out. I can tell he is impatient and worried.

I sigh and reach to grab the long sleeved shirt Chase and I had gotten when we went and picked up clothes for Kat during the night and to occupy ourselves from worry about her. I wouldn't think about all the other shit sitting in my closet we had just loaded up on.

I don't even think about it until I am helping to slide the shirt over her head and notice her red face. I laugh and smile at that. "Yeah, I haven't exactly dressed someone before either but fuck if I don't want to do it with you."

 _Dress, undress...tear your fucking clothes from your body and lick every inch of that skin I couldn't help but get a taste of._

God damn my dick is so damned hard it is hurting right now.

 _Don't ruin the moment you asshole._

My inner good guy rises to the front causing me to chuckle. Who fucking knew the bastard existed anymore!

Kat is smiling but still red as we work to get her arms through the long sleeves. When she winces at the movement, I sigh and shake my head.

"Kat…." there I go again, almost calling her baby. "Can you please do us...do me a favor?"

She bit her lip and tilted her head in thought after I pull her braid from the back of her shirt. I run my hand along her jaw again, cupping her uninjured cheek and stroking my thumb along it.

"I don't want to say yes and then have to go back on that." She responds after she shivers slightly.

I sigh and and fight back a growl. "I don't want you to take anything that would slow your movements or be too heavy, but could you please take something? Being in pain is only going to end up hurting you worse but it will also hurt those around you to see it."

Yeah, that was such a low fucking blow but I don't even care. At first Kat flinches slightly. Then she narrows her eyes and the fire I know she has flares in those green gold depths. She bites her bottom lip...hard...and I can tell it is to stop her from saying something.

Knowing I am tempting the she-cat I know she can be I smirk, then move her lip out of her teeth. "Go ahead and say what you are trying to keep in."

She glares at me slightly and huffs. "And I thought Abnegation were the fucking masters of the guilt trip manipulation!"

I should be getting pissed at her, using that tone with me. Also knowing she is fighting me on this because she has some kind of guilt thing that makes her believe she deserves the punishment. I should be but I am not. In fact...yeah, I am getting a bit more turned on by her firing back at me.

I smirk and shrug at her and it ramps up her temper, her hazel eyes sparking with it. Fuck if them going even more golden doesn't just make me want to fire her up even more. "Look, I am not going to apologize for going that route with it. My first instinct, to be perfectly fucking honest, is just to order you to take the shit. I can admit I don't _want_ to have to do that but I _will_. I can't see you in pain Kat. It really does kill me and pisses me off. So yeah, I am using that but it doesn't make it false. If I am feeling that way, imagine the others."

She growls at me. Growls. At. Me.

I also feel the hands that had been still clutched to my shirt at my back, dig her fingernails into me.

 _God fucking damn this is not the time for this shit. Down boy._

She goes back to biting her lip again and I pluck it from her teeth again. "Say it Kat." I order her.

"You're an ass." She bites out without hesitation.

"I know. A completely in the right ass, but yeah, I am an ass." I smirk at her with a shrug.

Her lips twitch. I can tell she is fighting herself to keep the temper and not laugh. A smile crosses my face and it seems to break her resolve because she lets out a laugh and shakes her head.

" _Fine_. But if it is anything I think is too heavy...I am going to…" She stops, glaring at me and I laugh with a raised eyebrow.

"Going to what?" I ask with a smug grin at her.

"Well, I am just going to have to... to kick your ass. Or die trying." She mutters.

I roll my eyes at her, grin still in place and reach to lift her off the counter. "You could try Prior but I wouldn't let it get as far as death. Pain of death yes, but not the actual death part. I meant what I said though, I won't give you anything that makes you slow or causes you to lose control of your body. Would kinda defeat the fucking purpose of helping you to not hurt anymore because you would just end up getting hurt again trying to function on it."

She sighs dejectedly and nods as I take her hand then grab the jacket we had laid out for her too. It is a combination of leather and knit with a hood built into it. The body of it is black while the knit sleeves and hood are a dark grey. It is nothing like the bullshit standard issue one the initiates all got when they get here. That shit wasn't going to fly for me where she is concerned.

We might be a tad overprotective in all areas when it comes to Kat. I had almost wanted to put her in full winter crap and Chase had seconded it. That was until Zach had rather dryly informed us it was barely fall and a light jacket would do.

Her winter shit is sitting in my closet. So I still won.

I lead her out of the bathroom and through my bedroom quickly, a small triumphant smirk in place. We get out to the dining room to join the others and they both look up at us worriedly. Chase tilts his head at my expression until we all hear Kat muttering.

"You don't have to be so damned smug about it you ass. I might just decide to take you up on the pain of death now and skip being reasonable about the medication." She grumbles all this out and once again, where I would and should be pissed at her tone or attitude...I end up letting the laughter that only she seems to be able to draw out rumble through me.

"Oh good, she is going to take it?" The very obvious and visible relief that radiates through Zach just brings home how right I was for Kat. Causing me to smirk more and her to sigh and smile at him, her temper deflating.

"Yeah, yeah. She is going to take the medicine." She answers sarcastically, shaking her head as I help her into her seat.

Chase is smirking in his chair and pushes a cup of coffee, then water and a few pills on a napkin, over to her. "Bottoms up then. Pills and water first, then coffee. Then we eat! Fucking finally!" He grumbles the last part playfully.

Zach popped up at that last part and started to the kitchen, presumably to get the plates of food. Chase and I stayed at the table, eyes watching Kat like a hawk until she swallowed the pills and drank the water.

"I am _not_ lifting my tongue to show you I swallowed them like a good little girl." She bites out to me when I had taken a breath...to ask her to do just that.

"God damn does she have you down!" Chase laughs out, shaking his head but he relaxes too now that we know she has taken something and has been seen to.

I slide my hand against hers, our fingers twining together on my lap where I pulled her hand to. "So it seems. I'm not complaining though."

She blushes but doesn't respond because Zach sets a plate in front of her with a pretty large omelette, bacon, and toast on it. As if the sight of food spoke directly to it, her stomach let out a large growl, causing her to wince and blush harder.

I chuckle and squeeze her hand, reluctantly letting it go then we all begin to eat when we all have our plates.


	23. Scars We Carry

**A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you enjoyed the little bit of heat of the last few chapters. I know I know...wasn't anything that would make it in fifty shades. But hey...one small step for the stiff and one giant leap for the ruthless bastard we all love! Anyways...I may not be able to post as much over the next few days. Going to be starting the process of trying to move without having to pay for movers. Oi vey...all the crap one can accumulate!**

 **Just wanna say thank you to everyone that is giving me feedback! It seriously makes my day.** **jojuarez26 thank you so much for the review and compliment. It made me blush and grin like a loon! Would have sent you a reply but as you are a guest it doesn't allow that but I wanted to thank you!**

 **Chapter 23 - Scars We Carry**

 _Kat_

They let me eat in peace and don't launch into all that I know is brewing in their minds. Eric's knee is bouncing, with my hand in his and sitting on his knee after he had taken it back towards the end when he had finished eating. I don't particularly try and drag out eating but the more I eat, combined with the pain and medications, I become a little sluggish and sleepy.

When I set my fork down, not able to eat anymore of the huge breakfast Zach put on my plate, Eric takes this as his cue and takes a breath. He scowls instantly over at Chase when the other man stops him.

"Eric, give her a second. Let's just go over to the couches. She will be more comfortable there anyways."

I am torn between thanking him and grumbling that I am right there and don't need to be talked about or over. I don't get either out because with a sigh, Eric just scoops me up and carries me over to the couch. When I am settled to his liking...at his side…which is causing all kinds of flutters and warmth in me, the other two join us.

I sigh when they get settled and Eric's arm drapes around my shoulders. "Ok...where would you like to start the interrogation?"

There is no hesitation in any of them as Eric bites out what is a mutual concern for them. "The fight. Your sister's more specifically because what happened there led to your own fight issues."

Chase nods and his lips are thinned. "What caused you to lose it like that Kat? I saw the recording and….the Kat I have seen and am talking to as well as trained with, was checked out."

There are things I cannot tell anyone. Not because I am afraid to really, or trying to protect the person that it is about, but because I don't know how to talk about them. I have buried the worries and memories so deep inside and just determined to deal with them on my own that I don't know how to open up about this. I don't want to lie to them though, especially Eric. So I determine to tell them what I can only guess is causing it.

I sigh and nod. "I think it has root in what happened with the factionless guys the day I got shot. At least part of it. Do you remember I said that everything went red and hazy? Well, that kind of happened yesterday too. Other than the first time, that hasn't happened to me again. Seeing Tris being beaten like that…..I think….I think I was seeing in real life one of my worst fears. I know about the fear sims by the way. Uri, Lynn and Mar told me about them but they don't know what exactly goes on or how the process works. They just knew the stage and what it is called. I just guessed from the name of it though. I am guessing we will be facing our worst fears in the sim and I think I just discovered what one of mine will be."

"Kat…." Chase starts out slowly and worriedly. "We are going to have to find a way to calm that down or get you to be able to focus through it."

I shrug with a nod. "If I had been thinking clearly, I might have realized I would need to start that before her fight and started my meditation technique. I am going to have to do that for the next one I think. All it really does is help me to keep my focus and try to limit outside influence. I still see and hear everything. I still feel everything too. I just am better able to focus on what I want or need to concentrate on."

Eric has been tense beside me the whole time but he speaks next. "Do you always vocally say the mantras? Or is it usually internal?"

"Internal. I don't know why I was saying them out loud yesterday. Maybe hearing my own voice helped to calm me. Maybe some part of me knew saying them out loud would unsettle Drew. Maybe it was both."

Chase looks to Eric, causing me to look up at Eric's face. It is a tight mask right now. His eyes are the cold calculating ones I have come to know when he is internally plotting or analyzing something.

"How about you make all your focusing internal and not let that particular ability be known? The three of us will know but the less people that do, then the better off you will be. Wouldn't want to give away the secret of how to do that." Eric says this in an offhand way but there is something off in his tone, other than it is also still very much a command. This isn't a suggestion but an order.

I nod, still looking at him and he nods back. "I will. Like I said, I will make sure to do it before all of her fights too.

"Good. Now….what was this about an issue or incident with a former member of your old faction?" There is that deadly soft voice. A shiver of apprehension does shot through me, even if it isn't for myself.

I am scared to tell him. Not because I am afraid of what he might do to me. When I look to Chase and Zach, I see the same looks reflected back at me that Eric has. These three men, who seemed so very different it was like night and day, at their cores were very much the same.

"The last year of school, Tris and I were walking home from classes and headed towards the volunteer center to start our time there. When we entered the factionless sector, Alistair approached us. Alistair is a few years older than us and had gone through his own choosing just a couple of years prior. He didn't make it through his initiation for whatever reason though and left for the factionless. At first it wasn't really any different than when other factionless approach us. We always had food or items with us to hand out and we did so for him." I paused and scrunched up my nose remembering the changes in the once kind man.

"It was awkward though because...he was so different. He reeked of liquor. His smile that had been kind before, was different. Once he got the items we had, he wanted to talk. We both felt extremely uncomfortable with him and didn't want to stay. Tris was polite and made excuses that we needed to be away but I…." I sigh and close my eyes, hating myself for causing the trouble. "I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut or stop the disgust at him from showing. I blurted out a thought, completely true but still probably not the best thing I could have said, and that was when the trouble started."

"What did you say and what did he do?" This was Zach asking this time. I think Chase and Eric were already building up too much of their anger to be able to speak.

"I might have uttered out my disgust at him being able to drink or find liquor but not find food and take care of himself." I groan out and shake my head. "Again...not that I believe it to be any less true or that I didn't absolutely mean it….but...it might have been better to just keep that to myself."

A very brief flash of pride and amusement went through their eyes before they sat waiting for the other part.

"He became belligerent and started calling me all kinds of names and making promises of what he was going to do. That he knew people and knew of ways to make us disappear never to be found. Not until he was done with us and then all that would be found was a broken, used dead body."

And this is where my disbelief that someone once so kind could have gone so far so fast became a weakness for me. I had let that make me hesitate. "I hesitated when Tris wanted to get out of there. I might have felt disgust at him and his state but I still remembered him from before and how kind he had been. I wanted to believe there was still good in him. I didn't know what caused him to leave Abnegation, if he even left on his own or was kicked out. I refused to believe that the man I had seen out during countless winters, handing out blankets or making sure the women and children without men found shelter and were ok, could just be gone. I refused to believe that all that good was gone."

Eric scoffed and went tense beside me, his hand that was cupped around my shoulder went tighter. "Not everyone is good or is even capable of good, Kat." He muttered this bitterly and there was something in his eyes that told me he was talking about more than just Alistair.

My eyes met his, and the fire burning in those blue depths flashed with a pain that radiated into me. I got a glimpse, brief but I think more than he ever let anyone see, of a part of Eric he kept buried deep inside.

Still holding his eyes I smile and shake my head. "I don't believe that, Eric. You might say it makes me some naive little girl but I refuse to believe that. I _am_ realistic though and know that good won't always win out in the end. Bad things happen and sometimes they are done by people that are mostly good but that are just making some really bad fucking decisions in their lives. Maybe not everyone is cut out for the big hero moments or the good that would seem at all significant to anyone else. Maybe they have only made one good choice in their life...but it is still there."

I don't know what is going on in that mind of his while I am speaking but I can tell my words are having some kind of affect on him. I can tell that they make him happy even. In that moment I wish to hell Chase and Zach weren't there because I might just crawl into his lap and pull his head to my chest and hold him to me, to never let him go. To do things to him that I wish I had been brave enough to try for in that bathroom.

Chase clears his throat and the spell we had both been wrapped up in was broken. I turned my head to look at him and see that even Chase looked to be affected by my words. I didn't get why there was sadness in his expression when looking between Eric and I. I didn't understand how it could also hold happiness, as well.

"What did you do then?" He indicates for me to continue with the story.

I swallow around the lump of emotion and memories that seemed lodged in my throat. "I tried to appeal to that side of him, of course. Tried to defuse the situation even though I refused to apologize for my previous words. It only seemed to make him angrier. Maybe it reminded him too much of a man he used to be and that was a little too much for him to bare. Either way, he attacked physically. He backhanded me and I went to the ground stunned. I don't think Tris even thought about what she was doing but she leaped into action and started trying to land kicks and punches to him, to pull him off me. He hit her next and that got my blood boiling. So then he had two pissed off Prior's going at him. A small group of factionless had already started over and I swore I thought I was going to have to start fending them off too. They came over to help though and pulled him off. One guy, I guess he recognized who we were and that we were Natalie's daughters. I even heard my mother's name muttered briefly as they were pulling him away."

I shrugged after finishing the story and looked between the three men. Eric had started to tremble and I don't know what cause me to do it, but I wrapped my arms around his waist from where I was sitting beside him. The trembling stopped slightly but I felt as if I was holding onto a ticking time bomb. That as soon as I let him go he was going to go off.

"Did you know what happened to him after that?" This coming from Zach, and his baritone voice was strained. It was the only sign that he was as angry as Eric and Chase, who weren't even bothering to hide it.

I shook my head as I squinted my eyes and tried to remember those moments after the incident. "I know that I heard the guy dragging him off saying something about Alistair having been warned before and that he would have to leave the group and go to some others. I am assuming the small group he was with had issues with him before and were sending him away."

Chase let out a hiss of a breath and a scowl formed on his face. "Kat, can you remember how large the group was? Or any other details?"

I bite my lip and shake my head. That is truthful, at least for that incident. I don't remember how many there were exactly and everything else was kind of hazy because of my shock and disappointment in myself. "Honestly everything is tainted by how I was feeling in that moment. It is part of why I started to learn how to focus in other ways. I was letting my emotions taint how I handled everything and I knew I needed to do something different if that should ever happen again."

Yesterday proved that I had failed again and just why I needed to do better.

"Starting tomorrow we work on that, Kat. No more allowing your anger or emotions to rule you during those situations." Eric said firmly from beside me.

His voice was level but I wasn't fooled. I still had my arms around him and I knew his body was still being held as if any moment, if I let go, he was going to go find something or someone to explode on.

I gulped and nodded. "I plan to work on that and never let it happen again."

"Good." He says through a tightened jaw. "We have some time before you and Chase need to head down for the outing. How are you feeling right now?"

"I am not hurting as much but I am sluggish. Need more coffee." I grouch a little and feel my body second that when I sink more against Eric's side.

"You can have more coffee before you go, but as there are a few more hours...just rest now." Eric said after shaking his head at my request for more caffeine.

"Are….you aren't going anywhere are you?" I blurt out and tighten my arms around him before I realize I am doing it and how pathetic my tone must have sounded.

If he found it pathetic, sickening or weak he didn't show it. Eric let his hand go to the back of my neck, gently massaging it while at the same time pressing my head to his chest. "No I'm…" He stops and takes a breath. I can feel a slight hitch in his heart rate before the rumbling of his voice blocks it out "We aren't going to go anywhere."

His attentions to my neck, the warmth of his body and then the steady beat of his heart draw my exhaustion forward and I melt into him with a yawn.

"M'kay." I get out as my eyes drift closed. I faintly see Chase look away with a pained look before I drift off, a frown curling my lips slightly.

*****Page Break*****

I am vaguely aware of the rumbling beneath my head as Eric is speaking while I doze. They aren't exactly trying to be quiet but I can tell they are being mindful of letting me rest. Their voices as they talk about...what I don't even really know...aren't disturbing me at all. Not like Al's sniffles or the rustling of others in their beds. In fact it lulls me into a sleep that is probably better than I have had in I don't even remember how long.

Maybe it has more to do with the arms that feel like steel bands of protection wrapped in warmth that surround me. Either way it takes being shaken for me to wake up. I blink to clear the sleep from my eyes and give a sigh of combined disapproval and pleasure. Disapproval because I am being woken up. Pleasure because a cup of steaming coffee is placed in my hands as I am helped to sit up.

"What time is it?" I get out after I have taken a few big gulps of the coffee, amid deep chuckling from Eric beside me. Who I notice has his own large cup of coffee too. If I didn't know better, given the rumpled state of his hair and clothes, I would say he had slept along with me. But I know better, and that can't be possible….right?

Zach and Chase were sitting in the chairs they had been in previously and had cups of coffee themselves.

Chase cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "We have about twenty minutes before we have to be down in the Pit to meet the others and head to the trains. Figured we could head out soon and wait for your friends since it might take a bit longer for you to walk there. How are you feeling by the way? Your breathing better?"

I tilt my head as I evaluate that, taking in a few deep breaths and twisting very gently at my solar plexus. There is a twinge and extreme soreness but my breathing is better. I nod with a smile to Chase. "It is better. I should be good to be able to jump on and off the train if that is what you are worried about."

Eric sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "It isn't just the train. There will be ladders and steep climbing...just...promise to take it easy on all that. It isn't weakness to show caution."

I smirk a little as one of my mantras and a quote comes to mind and I sleepily utter that in response to Eric's words, which are of course an order even if it wasn't phrased that way.

" _There is a precipice on either side of you - a precipice of caution and a precipice of over-daring." [Winston Churchill]_

Chase snorts while Eric just smirks over at me. "Exactly. So let's not get too over-daring and go over the literal precipice today. I will be extremely pissed if you do."

I mock salute him then drink on my coffee in large sips when I see that Chase is starting to get up and get ready to leave.

"What are you up to today if you don't have to attend to the kiddies?" I ask Eric but also look at Zach in question too.

Zach groans a little. "Fucking Candor. I have to go attend some boring ass meetings with Candor about the six month safety checks around the holding cells and jails there at the Judicial Complex."

I laugh a little at his extremely put out tone. During our talks I had found out that both Chase and Zach had transferred from Candor. Chase the same year as Eric but Zach the year prior. Those two had been friends there and from my understanding left any family connections behind them on transfer. They didn't seem too enthusiastic about their former faction so I could understand Zach's dread of having to go back there for the whole day.

"I have a Council meeting to attend to. Part of the reason the visit to the fence was set for today." Eric grumbles and shrugs.

I bite my lip and nod. A council meeting meant most if not all the leaders of the factions would have to be there. My father would be there. Thoughts of him brought a small pain that I quickly worked to mask but I saw a flash of sympathy from Chase as he walked back over to the living area, my jacket in hand.

I drain the last of my cup then get up to take it to the kitchen but it is already being whipped away from me by Zach and then Eric is there helping me with my jacket. His expression is tight again and his lips thinned.

"Chase has some more of the same meds for you and you need to take them after a few hours. It will help with a bit of the pain at the very least." He mumbles this all out after fiddling with the collar on the jacket and I can't help but smile at him.

"I will be a good little girl and take my medication... _Sir_." I blush after I get this out because the title of 'sir' was said with way more affection that I meant for it to have. I meant for it to be playful but I might as well have been calling him sweetheart or baby with how it sounded in the end.

His eyes snapped to mine and widened a little until a slow smile crept across his face and he bit his bottom lip for a second. It was as if he was holding back saying or debating something.

"You better come back to me in the same condition you are leaving me in…" He pauses for a second and lowers his voice as he leans in closer to me "kitten." He finishes in a bare whisper that is also a slight purr.

Despite me trying to fight it down a shiver escapes me and he pulls back with a smirk on his lips. He looks up to find Chase waiting for me by the door and they exchange looks I am coming to recognize is their ability to communicate with each other. His hand goes to the small of my back after he turns me towards Chase and the door.

No more is said between the two of us and I couldn't speak if I tried. My mind and body is in flux currently. All I know is I really, really need to get Lynn alone tonight. Preferably with one of those beers that my friends were always shoving down my throat when I would sneak out to hang with them.

Chase is oddly quiet to for most of the walk. I can tell he is watching me closely, most likely trying to determine if I am doing ok or not. Honestly if my body is in pain I am not feeling much of it or at least my mind isn't registering it. Instead all I can seem to focus on is the memory of Eric and I in the bathroom. The way his hands had felt as they moved over me. The way his lips had felt when they pressed against my skin. A throbbing had started within me and it was only getting worse, even without him there. I wasn't sure I liked this feeling at all but at the same time...I didn't want it to end either.

*****Page Break******

A smile came over my face as I sat on a bench along with Chase at the sight and sound of my friends and sister making their way to the Pit. She was laughing with a smile even through her bruised and battered face.

Uri had his arm tossed around her shoulders and Lynn seemed to be beaming at Tris during whatever they were talking about. I could only guess that they were still going on about not only her winning but the blow she delivered to Peter in the fight. Both literal and figurative.

They caught sight of me and rushed over to join us, flopping down in various spots. Tris automatically went into evaluate me. Gauging if I was any worse off after my first morning of punishment. I felt a slight bristling at that and what it implied. I guess Chase figured what was happening because he cut in and cut me off from the snarky comment that was bubbling inside of me.

"You guys should have seen the amount of paperwork Kat was swimming under this morning. Her face when she saw what she was being assigned to today made me think she would have rather been sparring." He said with a smirk and a laugh.

There was a grain of truth in that. I really would have rather been sparring then being forced to take medications I didn't feel I needed. I matched his smirk, my eyes twinkling back at him. Mar and Tris seemed to breath out a sigh of relief with his words. Then Tris laughed a little.

"She never did like the paperwork aspect of our volunteering time. Even if she would grudgingly admit she learned a few things when we were being assigned to help out with those tasks. It was like pulling teeth to at least get her to see something positive about it." Tris said with a shrug but she also blushed because she knew damn well she hadn't liked it much either. She was just a lot less vocal about that fact than I had been.

I raise my eyebrow at her but refrain from saying anything to her about that. My smile is enough to have us both chuckling at it.

"You guys had to do paperwork for part of your volunteering work?" Lynn asked confused, because that isn't a normal part of what Abnegation do mainly.

Tris shrugged with a nod. "Yeah it wasn't the usual kind of work for dependents. I am not sure why we were given it but about it started about four years ago. One day Mom just said that we were being put to work one day a week with Dad at the Hub. Other days we did some for when the food distribution center had to keep tally of what was being brought in by Amity. It was Erudite paperwork that required exact tally's and totals and was a complete pain the ass. It might sound like we were getting off with the lighter work but there was nothing light about the mental taxing and just plain annoyance we had to put up with during those days."

I huffed out a laugh and tried to push down the uneasiness I felt at this whole line of talk. I had never been able to confirm why Mom and Dad had suddenly gotten me out of the time I was supposed to be spending with Marcus and serving my volunteering with him. I had my suspicions that Mom had grown suspicious herself and had talked to Dad or arranged for both Tris and I to be assigned other areas. If that was true then Mom had only been trying to help. She couldn't have known just how much worse she had made things for me.

Lynn was snapping her fingers in my face, jolting me from the memories I didn't want to get lost in and hadn't known I had been pulled under in.

I looked around at all my friends and saw frowns of concern. "You doing ok there Kat? You have been spaced out for a few minutes now." Mar asked with her gentle tone and frown on her face still.

I sigh tiredly and nod. "I think I am just still very tired. I know I was given something for sleep but between not sleeping well in the dorms and then being hit in the head...I am a little spacey feeling."

That wasn't a lie completely, just not the reason for my blanking out moment. It did seem to assure the others in a way. Although I am sure by his body tensing, that Chase didn't accept it fully.

If he was going to call me out on it he never got the chance. Four came into the area, his brooding expression already in full force for so damn early in the morning. His eyes zeroed in on first Tris and I could tell he was just soaking in that she was ok before they moved over to me. His lips thinned at my appearance as well as the fact that I was sitting next to Chase. A flash of something went through his eyes and had me biting back a growl at what I recognized. Jealousy.

Oh, he and I would be having a talk and soon. I had been dreading it but now I was looking forward to it. I had a few things to say to Tobias Eaton.

"Time to make our way out to the tracks." Chase growled out before he changed his tone as he stood up. "Come on stumpy. You need more time to get your short legs to match everyone else's"

He put a hand out to help me up with a playful smirk at me and I returned it with a playful glare. The walk was slow going, or slower than I would have liked. Tris and I both were having to move a little stiffly but we were made to feel better when we caught sight of Peter ahead of us walking extremely gingerly with his fists clenched to his sides.

A slight pang of guilt went through me and I could see it mirrored in Tris' eyes too. With tight smiles of understanding at each other we linked arms and walked on, even passing Peter with our friends at one point.

When the train came, I braced myself for the pain and began my jog to board. Tris was ahead of me and I could see her discomfort when Al had reached down and lifts her into the car. My eyes narrowed at him but I didn't get time to do much beyond that because before I knew it I was being lifted too.

What shocked the shit out of me was that it wasn't Chase, Uri or even Four that had lifted me up and into the car...but Peter fucking Hayes! His face was strained and as soon as I was on he let go and backed away like I was poisonous to him. I couldn't even really take the time to register that before I was being pulled to the other side of the car and away from him by Lynn.

"What the fuck was that about?" Lynn hissed lowly in my ear.

I shook my head, still stunned. "I have no goddamn clue. Did he look like he was at least _thinking_ about throwing me from the train?"

I was grasping for ideas about what might have possessed him to have done that. Lynn's lips tilted in slight amusement as she too shook her head. "Not that I could see. He saw you running, rolled his eyes and then reached down for you."

Apparently Tris had missed what occurred. She was too busy being spoke to lowly by Four who was looking like he swallowed something bad as he cast a glare at Al. Whatever he said had her back going straight and moving towards us quickly with what I can only place as a look of stubbornness burning in her eyes.

Apparently Four had pissed my sister off good. Still she was avoiding Al and came to stand by us, with Will then Christina trailing after her. The train ride was spent mostly with Will rattling off knowledge he had learned from Erudite and at times Christina making fun of him. Lynn surprised me when she would respond back to Will as if she was truly interested in what he was saying.

I couldn't tell if that was to piss Christina off and make her feel badly for her comments or if she was truly interested. I think it might have been a combination of both.

I got caught up in watching the city and landscape roll by. Watching the mountains near Amity get closer the longer I stood near the door. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the whipping of the wind around me. It was cold and had a bite to it. The jacket that I was provided by Eric helped with that and my lips curled up in a smile at the memory of Eric dressing me as well as putting the jacket on me.

"Penny for your thoughts." Chase's deep voice rumbles from beside me, his arms crossed over his chest and his feet planted in a way that braced him in the opening of the train.

I smiled at the old adage and gave a small laugh. "I don't think they are even worth a penny." I shrugged over at him. "I was just thinking that I didn't thank the person or persons responsible for the fact that I am not a freezing mess right now. The jacket is very nice."

A smile of pleasure curls up the corners of his mouth and his blue eyes light up even though he starts to shrug. "I am sure that whoever it was just wanted to make sure you didn't come home a popsicle. They also might have been sure you needed gloves, a hat and a thicker coat. I am afraid that might have gotten voted down."

I let out a laugh and shook my head in wonder at how I might have looked. "I would have looked like a marshmallow being swallowed up by wool and leather."

Chase's chest rumbled with laughter. "We might have been being a tad over-protective."

"You think?" I smirk at him. "Let me guess...Zach was the voice of reason?"

My voice went low so that only Chase could hear this although Lynn was near and by her pointedly trying to avoid looking in our direction, I could tell that at the very least she was picking up on the familiarity between us if not what we were saying.

"You would be correct in that guess. Although he did agree that it was a good idea to go ahead and have all of that on hand." Chase said with a shrug.

I felt a flush of both pleasure, worry and unease run through me all at the same time. Thoughts of them feeling like they needed to do all this, because they saw me as weak, began to run through my mind. A frown started to curl my lips and my face must have reflected this because I was being nudged by his elbow and made to face him.

Chase's face was serious as he looked me. His eyebrows drawn together. "Kat…" He starts and stops for a second, taking a breath. "What we do... _anything_ we do for or with you will never be because we think you aren't capable or strong. I can admit...sometimes it might seem that way and I am sure _he_ will come off as overbearing about it all. I think you can also tell by now, even in this short amount of time, that we have all come to...care for you. If the roles were reversed…"

From the moment he started to speak I felt petty and like a little girl for letting my thoughts overshadow their generosity towards me. They might not think me weak in the sense that I was worrying about but compared to their skill and knowledge, I was the weaker of them. They were leaders and teachers all of them, as such, of course they would make efforts to pass their knowledge on to me. I should be feeling grateful and appreciative. It was that whole pride and stubbornness coming back to bite me in the ass again.

"I would do the same thing. I would want to do what I could to make sure the person I cared about was taken care of and it wouldn't be anymore than me being who I am as a protector. Not me looking down on them." I finished as lowly as I could but with an understanding tone.

A flash of a look passed through his eyes that I didn't quite understand. It almost looked like apprehension for a moment. That passed quickly and he was once again smiling. "Exactly. Just remember that Kat. Tomorrow...it is going to be hard to remember that when he starts the training I am sure he has planned for you. Like I said it will never be because he...we...think you are weak."

I swallowed a little at the slight ominous tone in his words. I couldn't imagine what Eric might have in store for me. I knew it wasn't going to pretty though. Not with how disappointed he was in how I had been performing when it truly mattered. Eric wasn't a soft man in the best of times...and this was most certainly _not_ a best of times scenario.

I nodded to Chase with a tight smile. "I think I already knew that something like that was coming. I don't know how it could not."

Uri and Mar chose that moment to get in a scuffle, playful, but still it knocked me off my feet slightly. Thankfully I was able to catch myself again but I had to latch onto Lynn to do it. When I looked back Chase had moved off again and Lynn was smirking at me.

"You going to tell me what all that was about?" She got out with her pierced eyebrow raised.

I bit my lip in thought and looked around. There were too many people and I didn't really want to get into all of what I needed to run by her at the moment so I shook my head. "Not right now. But I was thinking, tonight…."

Lynn smiled, a beautifully wicked grin as I could tell she was already picking up on what I was about to say. "Beers and girl talk?"

I laughed and nodded. "But...just you and me? Would that be ok?"

She shrugged and cast a look to Mar with a tight smile. I knew what that was about. It was a secret I gladly kept for her and I gave her a look of understanding when she said her next words. "I am sure Uri will be able to keep her occupied for the night. He usually does lately."

I nodded but didn't say anything to that. There was nothing to say really. She couldn't help how she felt anymore than Marlene and Uriah could help how they did. "So tonight after dinner we can sneak away." I supplied with a smile after a few minutes.

She smiled back and with our plans made we joined the others.

"What do you think is out there?" Tris asked, nodding to the door of the train as the mountains of the Amity sector came closer and closer. "Beyond the fence I mean."

Christina shrugs from beside Tris in a bored manner and rolls her eyes. "A bunch of farms, I guess."

"Yeah, I get that Christina." Tris snaps at her, bristling at her tone. "I mean past the farms. Ever wonder what we are guarding the city from?"

Uri smirks at Tris and wiggles his eyebrows at her. "Monsters!"

Tris rolls her eyes with a smile and we all chuckle a little.

"We didn't even have guards near the fence until roughly ten years ago." Will says, looking out into the distance, as if it is providing him the answers right then. "Don't you remember when the Dauntless police used to patrol the factionless sector?"

Instantly my body goes tense and Tris looks to me, worry and a slight shake of her head the only indications she knows exactly what is going on with me at the moment.

"Yes" She says with a tight jaw and guilt almost takes me to my knees. Her hand finds mine and she squeezes, I am sure silently willing me to hold it together.

"Oh, right." Will says looking between the two of us with narrowed eyes. "I bet you saw them all the time."

"What the fuck makes you say that?" I blurt out, clutching my stomach with one hand in a clenched fist, before I can stop myself.

Will gets a genuine shocked and puzzled look and I feel even more guilt for my overreaction. "Because you had to pass the factionless sector to get to school right?"

"What did you do, memorize a map of the city for fun?" Christina says with a laugh. For once I am thanking Christina for her constant passive aggressive insults.

"Yes. Didn't you?" Will's tone sounds like he is being completely serious but there is a sparkle in those eyes that lets me know he was at the very least half playing.

The train's brakes squeal and we all lurch forward as the car slows. When it finally stops Four's voice calls from the other side of the car.

"Follow me."

So we do and a long day looms ahead of me, much like the massive concrete and metal fence that we begin our walk towards. The thought of climbing the heights to stand up on that monstrosity sends tingles coursing through me. At least there is that to look forward too.


	24. Unexpected Ephiphanies

**A/N: Ok so I lied! Here is another chapter for you. Hopefully this will tide you over until I can get back to posting after tomorrow or the next day! Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 24 - Unexpected Epiphanies**

 _Eric_

My trying not to follow Chase and Kat failed pretty epically. I didn't go directly after them. I still had to straighten myself up and get my things together for the meeting. My hair and clothes were a mess after I had passed out holding Kat while she slept. Considering I hadn't slept the entire night, none of us had, it wasn't _that_ surprising. What was surprising was how right it had felt and how I hadn't had one single nightmare or bad dream during the hour long rest I had gotten in.

The entire morning let me know just how deep I really was already with her but also how fucking hard it was going to be to keep things at the friendship level. I had already crossed more than a few lines I set for myself in those few hours with her. I could give in and take it there with her, now that I was sure she wanted the same thing I knew she wouldn't mind. She would even welcome it.

There were so many reasons that I was fighting it and trying to hold off though and they were all becoming tangled up and almost drowned in the need to _just_ _be_ with her. So after I had gotten myself straightened out and my things together I had headed down towards the Pit and became a total lurker as I watched them from across the way.

I held up a wall and worked on emails or messages as I waited for Max, Victoria, and James. Max would be going to Erudite where I learned he would be meeting with Jeanine. That meant that thankfully neither would be there and I could work on a way to get alone with Andrew Prior and talk. I hadn't failed to notice Kat's look when I mentioned that I had this meeting to go to. I could also guess that she was thinking of her father.

Zach had mentioned that he had looked shocked and hurt by their defection. How would he be feeling now that the moment was over? I was already running over things in my mind I could say to him or wanted to ask him. I also was contemplating something that had me thinking I was absolutely losing my fucking mind.

I was going to ask Andrew Prior to show up at visiting day for his daughter. Because I knew that she might not expect it or even admit she would want it, but Kat wanted her parents to show up.

My eyes followed Chase and Kat as they exited the Pit early enough to give her time to get to the tracks. I have never been so fucking jealous of Chase as I am right at this moment and about being able to babysit the damn initiates on a trip to the fence.

I stifle a groan of frustration as Max, James and Victoria join me and then we head to the transport that will take us into the city and our respective destinations. The day is just starting and I am already ready for it to be at the end.

*****Page Break*****

The meeting was as dry, irritating and long as it normally is. This time, I didn't zone out as much as I normally would have. I kept my attention to watching the Abnegation leaders closely. I pushed aside, or tried to push aside, old prejudices and really listened and watched them.

It was hard to see all that Kat had spoken of about her father in this kind of setting. The other Abnegation leaders were reserved and quiet, allowing Marcus Eaton to dominate the speaking when it came to being represented during the proceedings. I did notice that a few times, when there was an issue being addressed, that Andrew would get a look. A look I was all to familiar with already as belonging to Kat. It was when he got that look, the quiet fire sparking behind what would be considered a mild or meek demeanor, that I paid the most attention. It was also in those times when someone other than Marcus spoke for Abnegation. What was surprising that I hadn't ever noticed this before was that sometimes it was a contradiction or opposition to the noted head leaders on propositions.

One such instance was when Erudite was proposing to allow observers at times when the food deliveries were scheduled. It wasn't said that they would only be Erudite but was hinted at by the fact that it was Erudite making the proposition.

For months now there had been circulations that there has been severe mismanagement if not outright theft of the food supply. Rumors had begun to be spread that this was all really just Abnegation hoarding supplies and that while they put on airs that they lived a simple non materialistic life, the evidence of the missing supplies was proof enough that this was a lie.

Listening now to this same _evidence_ , I am pretty fucking ashamed that I just believed it. I ate up every fucking word and believed that because, why would Erudite lie? Why would they falsify the reports? Falsifying research, reports and investigations is anathema to an Erudite. It is _supposed_ to go against everything they stand for.

It is drilled into every child in Erudite almost from birth that there can be no good from that course of action. That it would only lead to loss of knowledge and progress. When a report came out from Erudite, it was believed wholly because of this very fact.

Just like with Dauntless though, not everything is as it should be. I can see that now and I feel a sick coil of dread grip me at this realization.

Andrew Prior only solidifies this for me when he stands after being given the floor by Marcus, who had just tried to shoot down the request completely and not even allow it to come to a vote. It was Andrew that seconded the motion, stating that the very reasons the rumors and allegations were able to flourish was because of no one being allowed to observe. That it was selfish of those responsible to not allow the people directly affected, the other citizens of the city, to have a say and assurance things were being handled properly.

He might have said this all in a very reasonable and mild tone of voice but I heard the steel behind it. I heard the fire behind his words. I also saw the looks that the other leaders exchanged after he took a seat.

I know now why Jeanine is obsessed with the elder Prior. He is a threat, a threat to her plans to take over the government. Because what I saw in the eyes of several other faction leaders was absolute respect for Andrew Prior and most likely the belief that the wrong person was heading the council for the city. As long as Marcus was in charge the discontent and lack of faction cooperation would continue. Making it so very fucking easy for her to pull off what she was working towards and most likely had been for years.

I think I knew in those few minutes that it was quickly becoming not just about saving Kat at this point. Though I won't lie...that was still my main focus. Now it was about making up for something I couldn't help but feel sickened I had allowed myself to be blinded into being part of.

I had no fucking clue how to start fixing the cluster fuck we were headed to, and in a hurry.

*****Page Break*****

The meeting broke finally after taking what seemed to be hours later. It wasn't quite dinner time at the moment but it wasn't that far off. I had a choice to make at this point. I could straggle and find excuses to linger until I saw my opportunity or I could head out, catch the train and seek Kat out for dinner. I can admit there was a very large fucking part of me that was craving and itching to do just that. Chase had sent me a few messages that things were well and she was doing fine. It helped with some of the worry but not the overwhelming need to see and touch her.

In the end I had to brace myself and suck it up, keeping in my mind the damn goal here. It was to get more information and hopefully a clearer view of just how the fuck I was going to pull off keeping Kat and her sister safe.

So I lingered, pretending to be absorbed in my tablet and with notes from the meeting. I even engaged in conversation with an Amity leader who was eager to be able to have someone with the observers during the food deliveries in the interest of being able to mediate. The motion had passed with no further opposition after Andrew's seconding it.

Finally, it was just a few Abnegation remaining. Andrew was among them. Marcus had already left, was actually one of the first to leave. Andrew and Jared were left to break down and clean up from the day's proceedings.

Trying to determine the best way to go about starting things, I began to help put chairs away and pick up the odd piece of trash. Clear away the water glasses and pitchers.

Andrew is a very smart man. I will give him that. He must have sensed I was there for a reason or I was giving too much away because before I knew it Jared was gone and Andrew was coming towards me with a serene smile.

"I thank you for the help." He began after taking the last tray of glasses from me and tilting his head. "There is no need to inconvenience yourself further though. I am sure you must have more important matters to attend to then this." He motions to the little bit of cleanup left.

I nod to him, careful to keep my tone and expression neutral and not what would have been my customary sneer. "I do. One of those things happens to be speaking with you. If you have a moment that is?"

A brief flash of amusement and a tiny hint of impatience went through the elder man's eyes but he nodded gracefully. I already knew that it wouldn't be at all in an Abnegation to refuse the request and I was proven correct. "I can always make time when it is asked of me. Would you like to have a seat so we can speak more comfortably?"

Talking here in the Hub where there were cameras and others sure to be present was an extremely bad idea. This was already risky even if I was given the pretense of having this conversation by Andrew's own actions today.

"It is close to dinnertime if I am not mistaken. I was thinking that it would suffice to speak as we both made our ways home." I supplied and hoped this too wasn't too obvious.

Andrew's forehead wrinkled for a moment before he sighed and placed the last of the glasses we had just cleared together. "While that would certainly work I am afraid that I am not sure how much talking we would get done. You are bound for the train and I have my walk home ahead of me."

I shrugged casually. "I can accompany you on the walk and catch the train when we are done. It isn't that much out of my way to do so."

He doesn't argue thankfully and with that we head out. We are out of the building and well down the path before I begin to speak. I am not quite ready to delve into the deep shit just yet. So I look for something a little safer until I work the rest of what I want to get to out.

"I don't know if you are aware, but part of my duties as a leader is overseeing the new initiates training." I am still working to keep my voice as neutral as possible as I glance out the side of my eye to him as we are walking along.

His face betrays nothing really but he does tense in his shoulders. "I was not aware of that. I am sure that is a very important job for any faction but...especially for our protectors."

"It can be difficult. There is a line that needs to be held in trying to make sure that we remain strong and capable. At the same time, it can be difficult when you know that some of those initiates just aren't going to make it." My answer is honest and just a stream of thought. I had no one specific in mind but I think from his sudden halt in walking and the worried frown that crosses his face, he might be thinking I am referencing Kat.

I allow a small reassuring smile to tilt my lips. "I don't think it would be crossing over the belief of _faction before blood_ for me to say that your daughter is doing very well so far."

There isn't the relief that I figured would show. Instead he tilts his head and his eyes narrow. "If you know that I have one daughter among you, then you know there is another as well. Are they both not doing well?"

I clear my throat and shake my head. "No, of course they are both doing well. Better than expected to be perfectly honest."

Andrew nods slowly and relief does spread across his face along with what I assume is guilt. He lets out a sigh and turns to start walking again, his hands clasped behind his back. "To be honest, I am not surprised they are doing well. I think I always knew…." He trails off and shakes his head but then looks to me, turning his head. "To which daughter were you originally referencing?"

I hesitate to answer because singling out one had been a mistake. It gave too much away and I needed to find a way to not do that. "Kat, as she goes by, has shown great promise so far." I finally get out and hope my tone was even.

"Indeed? I think I should have expected as much. How involved are you with the training? Do you interact much with the initiates?"

"Normally, I have very little personal contact with initiates. Like I said though, Kat shows great promise. I saw from the beginning her potential and I can admit to wanting to foster that."

Once again Andrew comes to a stop and faces me. The placid expression of an Abnegation is gone though and instead I see calculating and piercing eyes shining through. Along with no small amount of that fire his daughter carries. "It sounds as if you are coming to know my daughter very well then. The question for me is if that is just as a leader of her future faction, or something else more _personal_?"

I know I take way too long to answer this question. I debate just exactly how to answer it and to be honest, I don't want to lie. There is this part of me that wants to state my intentions and to this man, her father. The first and only important man that has been in her life to date. His approval, hell even his blessing, suddenly means the fucking world to me.

I tense in my face and body as I prepare to answer, knowing that after I do I will see the sneer or dismissal I have been used to seeing my whole life. The look of not being worthy of something. He wouldn't be wrong in this instance. I am nowhere near worthy of her, but I am also selfish enough that I don't care.

"I am first and foremost her Instructor and Leader. Her success in training and in Dauntless is my main focus currently. Whatever else we may be will be entirely up to her but I can truthfully state that I hope it progresses to more besides the friends we have also become." I try to keep my tone even. I try to keep my words and expression as neutral as possible but I don't quite make it.

My jaw is clenched too tightly and my fists bunched together making the muscles in my arms and shoulders tense.

He holds my eyes for long minutes before he gives a brief nod and then a small tilt of his lips. "I have to say I am surprised at the honesty and feeling behind your answer. So I will respond in kind. You have to know I am well aware of your….reputation...within your faction and outside of it. As a father, no matter that my daughter is no longer in my own faction, this brings concerns to me. You also have to understand something else and maybe you will one day when or if you have a child of your own. I may not have chosen the path of protector in choosing Abnegation. I never believed that to be the role I was born to play in our society. Having children though, changes that in ways I couldn't have predicted. Whether I am cut out for it or not, I am still driven and want to protect my daughters."

"I think that is to be expected and while I don't have children, that is true, I can imagine..." I stop for a moment because until this moment, until meeting Kat, I couldn't imagine it. I still can't really imagine having children but I know what he might be talking about. At least a little bit of it with how much I needed to protect Kat.

So I shake my head and clarify. "No, I can't imagine what it is for a father to need to protect his children. I can't claim that and I don't know that will be something I will ever be…" Again I pause, lost for words.

A small smirk tilts Andrew's lips and it looks like he is holding in amusement. "Blessed with?" He supplies a description for me.

An answering smirk tilts my own lips. "I was thinking more along the lines of honored...but blessed would fit too in this instance I think. I don't know if that will be something that I am meant for. Before now I probably wouldn't have dared to hope. Recently though, I think I have learned to be able to use that word again."

He doesn't answer right away, just turns and begins walking. "There is a reason you wanted to speak to me today, Eric. Was it to give me a progress report on my daughters?"

His tone suggests he knows full well that wasn't the reason. I shake my head and rub the back of my neck a little. "I came to a realization recently. About how little I have ever interacted, really interacted, with members of different factions. Mainly Abnegation. I thought it was about time I remedied that." I look over to him and give a small chuckle at the thought of my conversations with Kat about her faction and family. "I can also admit that my curiosity was more than a little piqued by speaking with Kat. She speaks very highly of you and your wife."

A look of pain crosses his face before he sighs a little. "That is good of you to say but I am not sure I deserve that."

"If you have heard of my reputation Sir, you know I am not one to try and reassure someone of something when there is no truth to it. I am not known for compassion." I mutter a bitterly at the end.

"And yet here you are, talking to a father about his daughters, who he misses more than he can say. Giving him the piece of mind to know that not only they are doing well but that they are flourishing. In a faction he knew they were bound for but because he was so afraid of letting them go, of letting them leave him and his protection, he showed disdain and displeasure." For the first time the calm tones he had been speaking in fled. He was now letting true sadness and regret come through. There was also a voice laden with self recrimination.

His manner of speaking and the fire behind the words...I saw so much of Kat in him at that moment.

"She is just like you, you know. Always willing to look for the worst in herself but the best in others, even me."

 _What the fuck is wrong with me right now? Why in the hell did I let that slip?_

We were coming up onto a small park area, the only one before the city started to degrade into the disrepair of the factionless and Abnegation sectors. Andrew had been leading us to a bench set out of the way, away from the roads and under cover of trees. I hadn't noticed this during my recent reflections.

He took a seat at one end of the bench and let out a tired sigh, but there was also a smile on his face. "I wish I could take the credit for that but I have to say that is all her mother. Once, I was very much self centered, arrogant, analytical and frankly rather pessimistic. I was also driven to help but didn't see a way to do that beyond how I was taught. It took a swift kick to the ass by Natalie for any of that to change for me."

I let out a short chuckle of laughter, taking a seat as well. Talk about it running in the family and similar situations. I am also amazed how at ease I am right now around the older man. Maybe it is because I see so much of his daughter in him, whether he takes credit or not.

Andrew cast a look with a smile over to me and shrugged. "She and I became friends and she not so kindly informed me that it would never be more unless I could get over myself. I wasn't a very nice person at the time. What she saw in me to even be my friend I will never know but I will forever be grateful too. Meeting her opened my eyes to who I could be, who I was...even what I would become if I continued with the path I was on."

Fuck did that sound familiar. I was caught up in his story and part of me wondered if he wasn't saying all of this as part of some kind of trick. To get me to their side. The paranoid part that has been conditioned to see this man and his faction as an enemy for so long.

"When my choosing time came, I had a difficult decision before me. I could stay where I was, continue on the path I knew and felt familiar with, which was comforting in a way. Or I could go where I felt and knew I was meant for, _truly_ meant for. A path that was unknown and bound to be much more difficult for me. Never mind that she was going there too, although...that did have the biggest draw. It was a decision I had to make for myself. Something she knew and because she also knew I was more than half tempted to choose it because of her, she cut me out of her life. The pain that caused us both at the time was great. I was so very angry at her for the months leading up until my choosing ceremony. I refused to see it for what she was meaning it to be. An act of love and selflessness. She didn't want to let me choose something because of her. If I was meant to be there and truly wanted it, I would go even knowing that I would never have her."

"I...I honestly can't say I would be so understanding. How did you get past that?" I ask incredulously.

He shrugs and I can tell he is lost in the memory as he looks out over the small green area of the park. "I didn't at first. I was angry with her and even hated her. Which was her goal, I found out later. She pushed me away and made me hate her because she needed me to want it for myself. In the end that is why I chose. I never hated her really. I loved her then even through the anger. I might have suspected why she did it even though I didn't really know. She got me to think, helped me to see a different path but choosing it for her would never have been enough. I would have been miserable, resented her and probably have failed entirely had I chosen to transfer just for her."

I swallow and nod as I look out into the distance, thinking of the parallels of my situation. Then something strikes me and my forehead furrows in thought but also confusion. "Wait." I stop and look to him. "Forgive me but I guess, well, I mean you don't strike me as having ever belonged to another faction. I honestly thought you were born in Abnegation but you transferred?"

He turned and looked at me during this, amusement definitely on his lips. "I think the point was that I never did belong where I was from but yes, I was a transfer."

I bite my lip to keep from blurting out the question bubbling there. I feel almost urgent in needing to ask it. Like it is some kind of piece in a completely fucked up puzzle of what the endgame for Jeanine is and how I can stop it.

"Erudite. You want to know what my faction of birth was. I was born to parents in Erudite." He answers my unspoken question.

A chill runs through my body. My synapses are firing as small pieces start connecting for me. Questions are answered but a million more questions pop up in a flood that can't even begin to be processed for me but I latch on to my next question.

"And your wife? Was she always…"

I don't get to finish as I see his lips thin slightly and he shakes his head. "No, she transferred too. I don't know why I am telling you this." He stops and frowns at himself, possibly debating answering. "She transferred from Dauntless but like my daughters knew her path very early on in life."

I sit back, a bit stunned in general, digesting this all until I am lost in thought. I don't know how long I am wrapped up in that when I hear Andrew give a chuckle from beside me.

"You know, sometimes I think God put women on this earth to only utter the phrase 'I told you so'. How many times has she said over the years that I need to stop and put aside my 'preconceived notions' of one thing or another? You for instance and this entire conversation. It is certainly showing me that there are still lessons I need to learn."

I frown and look to him. "How so?"

"How often do Abnegation and Dauntless...or any of the other factions members, find themselves having real conversations or interaction? I can say in all my years as leader as well as being a part of both factions that it has happened only one other time. When I met my wife."

I nod slowly and in thought. Was this part of the problem? I was so ready to believe what was being fed to me because I had no basis to be able to disprove it or another starting point to go from. "I don't think you are alone in that, Sir."

Another chuckle from him and he sighs. "Andrew, you can call me Andrew." The horn of the train sounds in the distance, and he glances at his watch. "You have given me a lot to think about tonight, Eric. You have also put a little of a father's worry at rest. I am sure that Natalie will be glad to have some news of our girls."

He stands, signaling that the time he can allow has passed. I rise as well and look, a little dumbfounded, at the hand that he has extended for me to shake. I extend my own and grasp his. His grip starts out what I would expect, slightly loose and gentle as we pump our hands in a normal shake. Then it tightens more than I would think possible as his eyes narrow slightly and take on that fire again. Though I notice now his eyes are more blue in their hazel color than the green of his daughter.

"I think it need not be said that I expect as a leader of your faction and as a man, for you to honor your words earlier. Whatever your wishes, it will always be her choice."

My entire body tenses at his words and implication. My temper flares briefly before I shut it down. My jaw clenches and I fight myself to return his tight grasp with everything I have. "Of course. Her happiness, her safety, will always be first in my mind." I pause and my own eyes narrow. "I will also be honest and say that I believe I know what her choice will be just as I know what mine is."

He gives a small smile and let's go with a sigh. "Eric, if that is the case and she has made her choice, I wish you all the luck in doing what I believe you are going to _attempt_ to do." He laughs outright at this. "My daughters have a fire and stubbornness the likes of which you wouldn't believe."

A groan escapes me as I shake my head. "Sir," I start to reply and needing the formalness of the title when addressing her father in this scenario. "I think I _can_ and _do_ believe it. I can only hope that the next few weeks pass quickly." We start to walk again and before we part, him for his sector and me to the train, I turn to look at him. "I believe that visiting day will be here soon. Maybe we can meet again at that time? Dauntless' doors will be open to all factions, as always, on that day."

He tilts his head and smiles a little. "I believe that a meeting could be arranged for that day." He frowns a little though. "But if you could, don't…"

I nod in understanding. "I will be sure to keep that to myself."

We both nod to each other in understanding. Tensions are high, higher than he might even be aware of. While it wouldn't be against any rules for a leader to visit another faction, in this instance it could cause a stir and concern. I couldn't tell Kat any of this and get her hopes up. She would put a brave face on but she would also be crushed, I am sure. I did what I could though and at the very least I was determined to make that day good for her should the worst happen.


	25. You're Gonna Regret That

**A/N: Settling down from a day full of packing and moving and thought I would put up a quick chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 25 - You're Gonna Regret That**

 _Kat_

Everything was aching on me by the time I slid into my seat at dinner. Lynn slid next to me and Tris on the opposite side of me.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck?" Lynn growled out as a very unwanted lurker slid into a seat at the same table but the far end.

I sighed and my shoulders slumped while Tris tensed and scowled down towards him. "Seriously? What is wrong with him today?" Tris added her disbelief as well.

"I am thinking pod people. It is the only logical explanation at this point." I tiredly say as I poke at the pasta on my plate.

"What are you guys talking about?" Zeke asks from beside Uri.

I shake my head at my sister and Lynn, trying to limit what they say and let me handle it. Chase and Zach were already looking at me worriedly enough and if they thought something was wrong, my plans to slip away for the night might be spoiled. I was already kind of grateful that Chase had informed me Eric was going to be late getting back from the meeting. He had gotten held up with something.

So I shrug and paint on a smile. "Peter is being less odious than I would have thought possible. It is just kind of...throwing us all off."

That wasn't a fucking lie. He had hovered the entire time we were on the fence. Three times when I got close to the edge he either shoved me back or yelled at me that if I were going to throw myself off, could I at least wait until he was nowhere near. Chase had found it hilarious for some reason but it just creeped me the hell out.

What was even creepier was the fact that anytime his friends started up on taunting me, he would start ragging on them, stopping them. This didn't seem to extend to Tris though and he let them say whatever about her. In all, it was confusing as shit and I didn't have the energy at the moment to figure out what was going on in that mind of his.

Zeke grinned and I could tell he was thinking of something funny to say about Peter. "Maybe he had great incentive to have an attitude adjustment?"

Chase snorts loudly into his cup and even Zach laughs at this, then they both cast wicked grins down the table to Peter, who pales and jerks slightly. "That would be a fucking understatement." Chase finally says with a laugh.

My eyebrow quirks as I stare at the two men but Zach only looks into his cup smiling while Chase smirks at me and shrugs.

"Hey Uri. Don't you owe Mar a movie or something tonight?" Lynn says, breaking me from the stare down I had started with Chase, trying to glare an explanation from him.

Lynn initiating the start of our plan had my head turning to look at Uri who was frowning at first. Then he smiled and shrugged. "I don't remember owing her one, but sounds good to me. What do you say Mar? Will you allow me to treat you to a movie?"

Mar smiles and blushes at him then nods. "Sounds good to me too. Do I get to pick the movie?"

His smile falters just a little and I can't help but laugh along with his brother and Lynn. He groans before he nods and then the smile goes back to it's full wattage when she snuggles into his side and bats her eyelashes at him. "Sure." He finally gets out.

Maybe I need to arrange to talk to Mar at some point and pick up some damn pointers? Although I am sure I would look ridiculous trying what she just did.

"What are you guys going to do then?" Mar asks after we had been eating for a few minutes, probably feeling bad for us being left out.

Tris shrugs and blushes a little, letting me know something was up with her. "I think Christina wanted to hang out or something."

Considering I was up to something too, I didn't press her or look to call her out. I was actually kind of relieved that I wouldn't need to find a way to ditch her. I would have felt bad about that.

"Cool, well I think I will take Kat and show her around a few of our favorite places. She was also mentioning looking at knives." Lynn said with a casual shrug.

They bought it, or at least my friends and sister did. Chase cast narrow eyes at me but didn't say anything. Determining it was better to get out fast and before a certain person strolled in and then I lost the ability to think properly, I started to wolf down my food. That did cause the others to look at me.

"What? I was hungry." I muttered as I finished. Lynn hadn't been quite so obvious but she finished just seconds after me.

"We will see you guys later. Enjoy the movie and.." She pauses and wrinkles her nose, looking to Tris "well I mean...you can _try_ and enjoy yourself." Her tone suggested she was very doubtful that was even possible.

I bit my lip in amusement and stood along with her. Before we could get far, Chase called out to us.

"I am sure _we_ _will_ be seeing you later." His tone was casual for the most part but I got what he was saying. I would need to hide well because at the very least, Eric was going to make it a point to find me.

I gave an offhanded wave without turning back as my answer. Lynn linked her arm with mine and was silently chuckling.

"Shut up with that." I grumbled at her moodily.

"I didn't say anything."

I sigh tiredly and shake my head. "You don't need to. I know what you are thinking."

"Then you know that I am thinking we need to GTFO and in a hurry before the dogs are set loose after your tiny ass. I need to stop by and grab the supplies from the apartment too." Lynn started to pull me along until we just ended up going at a run along the path to her family's apartment.

I was still hurting but not near as bad as I would have been had I not taken that last set of pills Chase handed me on the train ride home. There were more of them this time and while he assured me that there weren't any strong pain meds, he also didn't say what else was in them. All I knew was I ended up hurting less and breathing better. I would need to find a way to thank the three men….later.

Tonight I was set on getting drunk and having a much needed conversation.

*****Page Break*****

"Oh gods." I groaned out, feeling queasy when my alarm went off on my watch. It felt way too soon to be time to get up and all I could think was; I was somehow in the seventh circle of hell and being made to pay for over indulging and general idiocy last night.

Most everything past having the start of some really embarrassing talk with Lynn became a blur. I remember us sneaking down to the clinic after drinking a hell of a lot and sharing stories, or Lynn sharing stories after a few beers to loosen her up. I remember Shauna being shocked after we got there and Lynn swinging me in front of her sister forcefully, then loudly demanding I be given " _The Shot"_ and ASAP.

Apparently my overall talk with her had inspired her to think that I needed to go ahead and protect myself since I was getting so curious to explore things. Even though I remember being pretty damn adamant that I wasn't sure that Eric was truly attracted to me. I still was in disbelief about that. She had insisted that he was but regardless I needed to be prepared. My mortification after that had, per her estimate, warranted another round of beers. That is where everything went very pear shaped and hazy.

I still hadn't shut my watch alarm off and was rolling in my bed, clutching my stomach and moaning.

"You can shut that shit off now, Stiff." A voice quietly drawled from the side of my bed, causing me to jerk and then clutch a hand over my mouth as my stomach roiled at the action. Peter lurched back as if I really had just thrown up on him and scowled down at me. "I swear to Gods if you throw up on me Stiff, I really will say fuck it and throw you in the Chasm."

It was then I noticed the pounding in my head making it seem like fireworks of lights were going off with or without sound. So now I was writhing on the bed, one hand clutched to my mouth to keep myself from exploding there and the other clutched to my head to keep it attached.

"Oh gods...please Chasm...yes now...better than.."

"Oh shut it, Stiff." Peter growled again and moved forward, shutting my alarm off by pressing the button on it for me. "I have a better plan."

"What's wrong with Kat? What are you doing to her?" Edward had come over to inspect the proceedings and now there were two people hovering over my bed to witness my misery.

"I did shit to her, the stiff can't handle her liquor. You could be of some actual use and help me get her to the shower." Peter snarled at him.

There was rustling around and then the world was spinning. "I'm gonna blow." I got out just before I felt it all rumbling.

There was cursing but then, thankfully, the most beautiful sight stood before me. The damn toilet. I had never been so happy to see something in my life. I hugged it close as I felt like my insides were fighting to work their way out. I wasn't sure that it would be possible for a person to survive with their guts hanging outside of them but I think my body was very determined to test that theory out.

I heard faint rumblings of talking and growled either commands or observations behind me. But honestly I couldn't make them all out between the god awful sounds I was making as I wretched, what felt like my very soul, up.

I did hear things like water and aspirin being tossed around. I felt hands holding my hair back that were way too large to be my sisters hands. I couldn't even feel embarrassed about anything that was going on at the moment because I was just too fucking miserable.

Finally, it all began to ebb and I collapsed against the toilet, my body shaking. "M'never drinkin again." I mutter out in a hoarse voice against my arms, where I had laid my head down.

There was a baritone chuckling from behind and suddenly dread filled me. I turned my head slowly to catch sight of who was there and slumped in relief when I saw it was Zach's face and _not_ Chase or even worse...Eric. My relief was short lived because he quirked an eyebrow at me and shook his head with a chuckle.

"I wouldn't be too relieved just yet, princess. Did you really think after your little show in the Pit we weren't going to know what kind of state you were going to wake up in or that you wouldn't have a talking to coming?" There wasn't as much anger as amusement and real worry in his tone.

I must have turned all kinds of white because he sighed and held out a rag for me to clean myself up, shaking his head. Once I was cleaned up, with neither of us talking during this time, he held out water and aspirin for me. When I had taken them I finally dared to speak.

"Was it really bad?" I ask timidly and wincing just with that little bit of speaking.

"It wasn't pretty but I guess not as bad as it could have been. I am sure your friends will tell you all about it when you see them." Then he turns his head as he helps me up and mutters under his breath something to the effect of 'if there is anything of you left after he gets ahold of you'.

I groaned from the movement and from the dread of having to face...just face everything, but Eric in particular.

He turns and hands me a pile of clothes then points to the shower. I glance in the direction of the dorm and notice that most everyone is passed out though I can tell that at least Peter and Edward are sitting up in bed from their faint outlines.

Without another word I trudge into the shower, get cleaned up as best as I can and then get dressed. All the while thinking that it is kind of pointless to clean up. I am about to become a sweaty and mostly bloody pile of little girl shortly anyways.

When I am dressed, Edward and Peter are no longer in their beds and Zach shrugs then mutters that Chase found something for them to do since they were up. He also leads me directly to the Dauntless-born training room. It looks like part of my punishment this morning will be no coffee.

I can tell something is really bothering Zach so I sigh, with my shoulders slumped and look over to him. "Did I do something really awful, Zach? You are worrying me."

He glares at me, the first I have ever seen on him, and the fact that it is directed at me feels like a knife to my heart. Disappointment and anger radiates from him. "You drank after getting severely hurt, Kat. Not just hurt but head injuries. Do you know how fucking bad that could have been? I mean not only that but you haven't drank like that before and you had no one there to watch out for either of you!"

He had stopped and threw his hands in the air in frustration. We weren't far from the training room but we were luckily alone enough that no one was listening in.

"I.." I lick my lips and shake my head slowly "I didn't know about the drinking and...well head injury thing. I didn't _mean_ to drink so much. Neither of us did really. But I just needed…" I stopped unable to put it into words and also embarrassed about things.

"You needed what Kat?" He asks confused but I can tell he isn't done. "This was kind of the last thing I expected from you given how you feel about pain medications. So what was so damn bad that you drank yourself into oblivion?"

I was getting angry now. I was being treated like a child and while I knew that my actions weren't the smartest I could have done in the world, I was still an adult here. Not to mention I was and had been a mess of confusion and unknown feelings from within the first few hours of stepping foot into Dauntless. Frustration, confusion and anger had just been mounting in me and now I exploded.

"My _LIFE_ , gods dammit! I don't know how to handle most of the shit that is starting to happen with me and I needed help...advice... _something_. I needed to not be in my head or emotions for one goddamn second so that I didn't feel like a walking, talking, and breathing version of the Chasm!"

I finish all of this, having raised onto my tiptoes and poking his chest with a finger all while feeling the same mix of crap that had driven me to the rooftop with Lynn last night resurface.

I was panting when I finished and when I saw his widened eyes that then softened after everything I had blurted out registered, I slumped down back to my normal height and let my hand drop. I flushed red at what I had admitted because there was no way that he couldn't figure out what exactly I was talking about.

He sighs and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry. I know this is all, well, new to you. While I am glad you have someone you can talk to about this shit Kat, know you do have me too."

He had pulled back from the hug with his hands to my shoulders and looking me over, waiting for me to say something. I was trying not to let the tears out that were stinging my eyes and failing. I nodded as big fat drops of tears rolled out.

"I know Zach, it's just that...I mean you know...about that kind of stuff…"

He even turns a little red and rubs the back of his head with a grin. "Yeah maybe stick to Lynn for that, unless you do feel comfortable enough. I might suck at advice in that area but I will try for you."

More tears and silence as he hugs me one more time before he sighs and breaks away. His phone had started to buzz. He took it out and was looking at it while I was lost in thought and emotion.

A frown of thought and a question that had been bubbling in my mind came forward. "Zach?" I call out softly.

"Yeah princess?" He replied distractedly.

He used the nickname that had partially brought this question up now. "Why me Zach?"

His eyes snap up to mine, and with a frown he puts his phone back in his jacket pocket and tilts his head. He waits so long I don't know that he is going to speak again. "Why you what Kat?"

I look at my hands and shuffle on my feet a little. "Why are you guys being so nice to me? Why care about some little stiff initiate at all? Why are you willing to make me one of you, to let me be part of something I don't think he...no... _any_ of you let people in easily to? Why me when there is nothing special about me at all?"

I still don't look up until a feel a finger on my chin and see Zach eyes filled with not only pain but real affection. "I can't speak for Eric...or Chase, princess. But to me you are special and I am pretty sure anyone that means shit would say the same thing. I think we all recognize something in you that reminds us of something. For me, you reminded me of my niece when I was still in Candor. She was only eleven when I transferred and was the only thing I regretted leaving. She was my little princess. Fiery and strong, loving and smart. I have never used that nickname for anyone else but I think she would have wanted me to be able to find someone like her that I felt I could use it with."

"Would have?" I asked with a tremulous voice.

Zach's face turned so fucking sad and haunted, a feeling of dread and despair filled me at this. "Kat...it wasn't your fault, I need you to know this."

"Oh gods…." I slapped a hand over my mouth as realization washed over me. "No." I cried out, shaking my head violently from side to side, sobs wracking my body.

This time when I was pulled into arms, after I had started to fall to the ground, it wasn't Chase. This time it was all steel and warmth that wrapped me up. "Kat….you need to calm down."

I didn't deserve the soft and caring tone he was using on me right now. I didn't deserve the gentle way I was then lifted and taken the rest of the way to the training room. I didn't deserve the pair of concerned eyes from both men as they crouched in front of me when it seemed like the tears would never end.

I didn't deserve any good thing in my life for the pain I had caused. How many others like Zach's niece had died because of me? How many lives were destroyed, lives cut so damn short, because of me?

I had deserved it all. He had been right. Every lash from his belt, every hissed insult or recrimination that I had deserved it all because it was all my fault...all of it was right.

Marcus Eaton might not be there to dole out my punishments anymore but the lessons would always stay...and I deserved every one of them.


	26. That Which Doesn't Kill Ya'

**A/N: Ok...and here we go for the last post probably for the weekend. If I get time or energy before Monday I will get the next chapters that are edited and ready up. Hope you guys enjoy...we get to see a bit of the Eric we all know and love along with the Eric Kat inspires him to be.**

 **Chapter 26 - That Which Doesn't Kill Ya**

 _Eric_

I was watching her unravel, crumble right in front of me and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I couldn't reach her, through the tears and the blank eyes.

"What the fuck, Zach?" I leaned closer and hissed it out to him.

My friend was horrified right now and I am fucking glad for it. How could he just spit that shit out there? I knew the instant Kat had told us that story that she carried the weight of every fucked up thing that happened that day and all the days after. That she blamed all the bad that happened in the city on herself.

There had been no way I was going to tell her anything to do with my own anger about the decision to pull Dauntless from the factionless, at least not until I had been able to get her to see it wasn't her damn fault. I had even discussed this with both Chase and Zach, that we wouldn't share our stories until we could get her to see this.

"I wasn't going to, Eric. We were just talking and she had asked…." He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't care _what_ the fuck started it, you knew how she felt about this shit." I growl out, my body tensing and I was seconds from attacking my own friend.

"It wasn't his fault, Eric." Kat spoke finally. Her voice soft but flat and it had us both looking at her with wide eyes.

The tears were gone. The blank look was gone too, now it was replaced with a fire that sent chills through me. It was fierce, angry and...destructive.

"None of it is his fault. We all know where the blame is and I can't change that can I? I can't change the past." She stops but moves her eyes to me. "I can change what happens now though."

She begins to stand and her chin raises. "I believe I have training this morning. If you are still willing…"

I had stood along with her as well as Zach, he had started forward to her but I had put a hand out to stop him and gave him a look. Clearly telling him I had it from here. His lips thinned and he looked like he was going to argue but then he nodded and looked to Kat one more time.

"I expect you at breakfast this morning, princess." He got out and turned, missing the flinch Kat gave at my friend's nickname for her. He missed the look of grief and hurt.

For a second she lost a little of that steel resolve she had. For a second her eyes looked like they were going to fill with tears again. Then she shook her head and looked to me and it went away but I knew it was still there lurking.

I didn't want to train her in this state. I wanted to pull her in my arms, hold her and talk to her. That was all I could think about at this moment. Maybe that showed because her nose crinkled up and her eyes did tear up a little.

"Please Eric? I….I need this. I need….I need to make sure I keep my promise." She whispered in a plea to me.

My lips thinned as I fought myself. The oh so fucking rare and new soft side that only she seemed to inspire was fading and the hard part of me that wanted to beat a lesson into her was coming forward.

Yeah, she needs this but so the fuck do I. I need to make sure she never does any of that again. That I don't lose her to carelessness or her losing focus.

Again, she must have figured this out. Maybe by the tightening in every aspect of my body, my expression and the coldness in my eyes. Even with all of that she gives me a small smile.

"I wouldn't be smiling just yet, kitten. You might not be able to walk out of this fucking room when I am done with you." It should have come out much harder and with the cold fury I felt coming into the room this morning. It should have but it didn't. It came out as a purred promise that caused her to shiver even with how messed up we both are right now in our emotions.

Desire, anger, worry and a clawing hurt at seeing how broken she is but hides so well, all mingles together.

"Laps first until I say stop. Then we move straight into combat." I bark out and pull her with me to the area where laps are run. I am needing the physical activity just as much if not more than ever before with everything colliding inside of me.

She winces from the pain and hangover but doesn't say a fucking thing about it or hesitate. A burning pride at that is added to the plethora of everything else I am feeling. As it does, I have a thought that if this is how everyone else feels, it is a wonder anyone survives under the weight of all these damn conflicting emotions.

I also know I wouldn't trade it all. Not a fucked up one of them.

*****Page Break*****

I was hoping during the run that my anger would cool down some. So I could go into the next part with a more level head, with knowing what I was going to do to here, one of us would need it.

Maybe I would have been able to if I didn't keep getting flashbacks to last night and what happened with her or constantly get reminded of what she had done by her white complexion and wincing gestures. The flashbacks were the main driving force of my anger though.

Initiates weren't forbidden from drinking, it wasn't against the rules so much as heavily frowned upon. We came down hard on any that we caught drinking during the physical portion of training but gave more slack during the second stage. Dauntless born were all aware of this so we didn't have as many instances where punishment was doled out to one of them. If they drank during the first stage, and we all knew they did, they kept it contained and out of sight.

Transfers on the other hand were the worst to deal with. Very few factions were much of heavy drinkers or even allowed drinking. That resulted in most of those dependents coming over and imbibing then doing stupid shit. Sometimes it resulted in injuries, a few times death. There were even a few cases of unreported assault on female initiates that drank to much and were taken advantage of. Those girls, the ones that made it out of it mostly intact, ended up washing themselves out rather than stay and be faced with the men that caused them the pain. We knew about them because they ended up in the clinic but would never put in a formal report or claimed they couldn't identify the attacker.

We knew it happened, tried to stop it, but if the girls didn't report them we couldn't fucking touch them.

A wicked grin crosses my face at a thought. _Legally and officially_ , they couldn't be touched. But there were a lot of dark corridors and I didn't carry knives on me for no fucking reason.

That she could have been one of those girls...one of the ones that I got to watch fade into nothing, toss themselves into the Chasm or walk out of the doors of the gate, had me seeing red then. It had me seeing red again during the run.

"Sprint" I barked out the command and picked up my own run, needing to release this. I was trying so damn hard not to take it out on her but I was losing that battle.

I hadn't been able to do a fucking thing when she showed up in the Pit drunk. While she wasn't stumbling or sloppy, she was out of it and I knew she wasn't going to remember a damn thing she was doing in the morning.

All I could do was watch her from across the Pit. Watch as she confronted Peter Hayes and started to apologize to him but then went off on a tangent that had me holding back my growls. I hadn't managed to hide my anger one bit even though I should have considering I was with the other leaders. They hadn't failed to notice but thank fuck they had misinterpreted it.

 _Flashback_

 _I knew the minute Chase told me she had run off with Lynn that something was on the horizon and it wouldn't be good. You only had to listen to her stories, her friends stories about her, to know that Kat had a wild side. I knew and felt it from the moment I laid eyes on her, how she burned with life._

 _I also knew that the almost two weeks she had been in Dauntless so far we hadn't seen that yet. It was coming._

 _Standing with Max, Raze, Chase and Zach in the Pit, brooding over how I am stuck and can't go hunt her down like I want too, I swear I fucking feel her before I ever catch sight of her._

 _She breezes in, hair down and drifting in the wake of her rushing forward, like she is on a mission. I know the instant I see the flush on her cheeks and the glaze in her eyes. Chase gives me a look and he knows too._

 _My first instinct is to immediately go up to her and drag her away from the Pit. I could do it on the pretense that she is obviously drunk. Not out of the ordinary for me. The only thing stopping me is I don't know what she would do or say when drunk. I barely restrain myself sober and she has been responding to me like she wants more. I just know if she goes for it while drunk I don't know that I could stop myself from responding and not blow things to hell in the process._

 _So I have to stand here, watching her laugh and work her way to her friends. Watching them all laugh and joke together. Listen to Max and the others talk while I want nothing more than to go over. To toss her over my knee and beat her ass for drinking, for drinking while hurt and just because she is driving me fucking nuts right now._

 _A smirk crosses my face at that image, her bent over my knees. But then all that goes out the window and rage blinds me when I hear Kat talking, and rather loudly, to none other than Peter Hayes._

" _Oi, Hayes. I have words for you." Her hand is on her hip as she stomps up to where Peter had been standing not terribly far from our group._

 _Peter looked around for a second, wide eyes and looking trapped as she manages to loom in front of him with all of her five foot six inches in height. Lynn is behind her, a smug and drunken smile on her lips._

" _No you don't, stiff." Peter finally manages to get out and in a cold sneer._

" _I do so and don't be a dick." Then Kat stops and blinks, a smile creeping across her face. "I mean...I am sorry about your dick."_

 _The laughing and tittering starts around but I am anything but amused._

" _Actually, I mean I am not sorry, sorry. You were being a vindictive asshole and I am glad my sister used your dick to teach you a lesson. But I am sort of sorry if that lesson was because of me. It was uncalled for...what I said. I'm a bitch." She gets this all out and hiccups a little but doesn't give Peter a chance to say anything back._

 _Not that he was going to. I couldn't tell if he wanted to punch her or run away from her, the way he was looking right now. Maybe he couldn't decide either._

" _How is your dick right now? I mean...does it hurt? No wait…" She holds up a hand and grins wickedly. "I wanna know if it hurt when you got it done. How did that work by the way?"_

" _Are you really sitting here asking me about my fucking dick, stiff?" Peter asked incredulously and annoyed._

 _I am hoping by all that is holy one of her fucking friends stops her. But they are just stunned and laughing._

" _Yeah...I am MOUTH. But don't be getting any funny ideas. I am interested in your dick in a more clinical aspect. Why did you get the piercing? Does it work? What is it supposed to do..you know sexually? What did it feel like when you got a needle jabbed through your…"_

" _Hey! Enough with that particular imagery. I don't need to be walking around imagining Peter's dick for the rest of the night." Uri finally stepped in but only after wincing and grabbing his crotch when Kat had started to launch into her imaging of what the piercing process was like._

 _My blood was boiling and all I could see was red._

" _We need her alive, Eric. Remember we just watch and make sure if she is or isn't what we are looking for." Max had said, taking my looks to Kat and Peter across the way as me wanting to toss her over the Chasm or something like that._

 _Yeah while I am foaming at the mouth about her behavior, I am more thinking that I won't keep to my word not to gut Hayes like a fucking fish. That I would just go ahead and end him like I had threatened to do_.

 _I needed to say something though so I gave him an evil smirk and told him the truth. "Oh, she'll live. She'll only wish she were dead by the time I'm done with her morning punishment."_

 _He smirked back at me, used to my ways of teaching lessons. This wasn't out of the ordinary for me and I thanked everything holy that was the case. I wasn't lying either about making her wish she were dead. I had already decided on a course of action to break her from losing her shit during fights or when she was doing anything serious. It wasn't going to be pretty before then but after this it was going to be worse._

 _End flashback_

It took everything in me not to storm across the Pit and pull her with me to my apartment when I heard her talking about Peter's dick for about the tenth time in ten minutes. The only thing that stopped me from doing just that was that Peter must have gotten wind of how I was feeling and got out of there fast.

It hadn't made things much better because her behavior had attracted attention of a few Dauntless members. Suddenly her and Lynn were being brought into those groups and before I knew it they were whisked off to have a knife throwing contest.

The only real….good...part of that night, was watching her with those knives. Sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen and I have seen some shit in my time here in Dauntless. How she had the coordination and presence of mind even being so stoned out of her gourd was beyond me. It made me harder than I had ever been in my life and that just pissed me off more.

It pissed me off because I had done something I promised I wouldn't do with anyone else but Kat now that I decided I wanted her. I don't even remember the chicks name or much about her other than she had blonde hair that sort of reminded me of Kat and was convenient. The fact that she let me take her in a hallway disgusted the shit out of me but the fact that I had done it at all disgusted me more.

When I notice that Kat is looking seconds away from collapsing at the sprint I hadn't released yet, I call to slow it down. Cursing myself I bring us down to a slow walk and toss her water after we finish our cool down lap.

As I am gulping down my own water I look her over. She is a mess; her eyes red from her crying earlier. Her skin is paler than her normal peaches and cream complexion she normally has. Her face is still covered on one side with bruises but thanks to the meds we slipped her those are fading faster than normal. She is a mess, but I have never felt that anyone could ever be as beautiful as she is to me right now.

She finishes her water and takes a few deep breaths before looking to me, back straight and chin raised. Silently telling me and challenging me to bring it on.

That wicked grin I have slithers across my face and gets wider as her eyes widen slightly but she still shivered visibly. Whether in apprehension or desire I am not sure but it doesn't lessen my anticipation right now. I am going to enjoy the fuck out of making sure she learns how to take care of herself from now on.

"Let's get started, kitten. Shoes off and in the ring." I purr out in my deadly soft voice as I walk past her and towards the ring.


	27. Beautiful Pain

**A/N: Nothing like the satisfaction of getting more than you thought you could get done and collapsing from physical exhaustion. So you get a chapter earlier cause I am sticking a fork in moving for the day.**

 **I know it is a slow progression on what exactly happened with Kat back in Abnegation. The point is she is still trying to come to terms with it herself so most of it she is slowly trying to sort out. We get a bit more on that in this chapter and how she lets it fuel her instead of hinder her. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 27 - Beautiful Pain**

 _Kat_

 _A fire's gotta burn_

 _The world is gonna turn_

 _Rain has gotta fall_

 _Fate is gonna call_

 _But I just keep on breathing_

 _Long as my heart is breathing_

 _Someone's gotta hate_

 _It's never gonna change_

 _Gets harder everyday_

 _It's a hell of a place_

 _To keep your heart from freezing_

 _To keep yourself believing_

 _But I won't run_

 _I'm not afraid_

 _I'll look em in the eye_

 _Gonna hear me say_

 _It's_

 _My life_

 _My love_

 _My sex_

 _My drug_

 _My lust_

 _My God, it ain't no sin_

 _Can I get it_

 _Can I get an Amen_

 _My grace_

 _My church_

 _My pain_

 _My tears_

 _My hurt_

 _My God, I'll say it again_

 _Can I get it_

 _Can I get an Amen_

 _Life has gotta kill_

 _Faith is gonna blind_

 _Hope is gonna fade_

 _The truth is gonna lie_

 _Sometimes there's no reason_

 _To justify the meaning_

 _But I won't run_

 _I'm not ashamed_

 _It's gonna take more than this for me to break_

 _My grace_

 _My church_

 _My pain_

 _My tears_

 _My hurt_

 _My God, I'll say it again_

 _Can I get it?_

 _Can I get an Amen?_

I wouldn't let it break me. Although, I almost had. It was one thing to know, logically, that there were people out there who had been affected by the events of that day. It was a completely different thing to come to that face to face and it be someone who I realize I have come to care about deeply.

It almost tore me apart with the weight of grief I felt for Zach. I almost let Marcus win too. All those times he had used that pain he knew I felt, that guilt he knew I carried, as a weapon to try and break me. To break my spirit and belief. Those days he had failed but this morning he almost won.

But he hadn't, I hadn't let him and a big part of that was the two men quietly talking while I was trying to pull myself out of it all. It was in their tone and the warmth of their presence. _They_ believed I wasn't responsible. That it wasn't, at the very least, all of my fault. So why couldn't I?

When I pulled myself together and out of it I felt numb at first. But when I felt that Eric was going to launch himself at Zach, and he had been seconds from doing it, I knew I had to speak. I also knew I needed to take this and use it.

The whole purpose and goal for today had been to get me through my issues with being able to focus through emotional or mental turmoil. To not let me go over the edge or lose my ability. What fucking better emotional turmoil was I going to get than this? It had to be now. I couldn't let either of them, in their concern for me, cancel what needed to happen.

I realize something about myself on our run. I am a seriously messed up girl. I knew that Eric wasn't going to play fair or nice during all of this. Even when he is calm he wouldn't but I knew he was nowhere near calm at the moment. Despite all of that, I also knew that what he was going to do for and with me here was to help me. To make me better and make me stronger. And I feel myself going a little deeper in how I feel for him because of it.

 _You just might be a seriously messed up girl, Kat._

I say that to myself one more time after Eric had called our run over and I knew it was time for the next stage. I had felt his eyes on me during the short rest we were taking. Him allowing me longer than I am sure he would have normally, to get water in and catch my breath.

Everything hurt on me. My head felt like the Pit in the middle of a raging party. Every once in awhile the lights in the training room felt like blooming fireworks dancing before me. My stomach wasn't as bad as it was this morning but it wasn't feeling great either. My body felt like I had been hit with the train while being stretched out on a torture device at the same time.

I was fucking miserable. I was also not going to say a thing about it or ask for an ounce of slack. I wanted this. I needed this. So I raised my chin and straightened my posture up as much as possible as I looked to him.

The most wickedly gorgeous smile slithers across his face and I hold back the moan that wants to escape me and do a pretty damn good job of remaining standing, instead of going down on my weakened knees.

"Let's get started, kitten. Shoes off and in the ring." He says in that deadly soft voice again but it is all a purr, and walks past me to the ring himself.

 _Yep, you are fucked up and just...fucked. This is not going to be pretty._

Oh, I feel a good amount of reasonable fear at that smile and what I have an idea is in store for me. I also have way more desire coursing through me than I should, or at least I think so. I can't let on to that because he would probably call out just how sick I am for feeling that all.

So I will my body to calm it's crazy ass down and follow him to my certain doom.

Then the bastard whips his shirt off and faces me after getting to the center of the ring. His arms crossing over his chest causing all those mouthwatering muscles to ripple. My eyes widen and I don't have a chance in hell from stopping the gasp that leaves me or my traitor feet from going out from under me.

I catch myself from falling completely on my ass but hesitate to look back at Eric. The last I saw of his face, because let's face it I wasn't really able to focus on that with the dirty trick he just broke out, he had a smug ass grin on it.

I fight myself not to let my eyes roll back up into my head as I go into overload on everything there is to take in. Instead I decide to focus on a point somewhere over his shoulder.

"What's the matter Kat? Your actions from last night finally catching up with you or is it something else?" Eric taunts as he started to walk in a slow semi circle.

I learned in school about sharks and how they circle their prey before they strike. That analogy could not be more perfect for how Eric is stalking me right now.

His taunting words and my own embarrassment for my reaction has my head snapping to meet his eyes while my back goes straight. I don't trust myself to speak at the moment. I might betray how I am feeling inside despite the fire of determination that is coursing through me.

So I don't speak. Instead I just take on my ready stance and hope that my answering smirk looks convincing enough.

He took that as me being completely ready and launched at me before I could blink. If I hadn't already known he was serious and meant business before, I knew the instant his hit drove the air from my lungs.

I also knew that he was capable of a lot more. For the first time that morning the apprehension was greater than my lust and I knew this was going to be a long couple of hours.

*****Page Break*****

Eric was crouching in front of me for the second time this morning as he finished wiping my face with the cloth he had brought. Considering how hard and vicious he had been in the ring not even ten minutes ago, it would be hard to believe he could be as gentle as he was being now while he wiped the blood from my lips and face.

His forehead was furrowed so deeply that it was marring the chiseled perfection of his face and causing me to frown more than the newest lumps, cuts, and bruises I was now sporting. He reached for the tube of ointment I recognized from the day before, scowl in place and I couldn't stop myself. I reached out to stop him, putting my hand on his, causing him to look up at me.

"You know I deserved all of those right?" That _might_ not have been the best way to start out reassuring him I realize as his lips thin and his eyes turn to blazing blue pools of anger. "I mean, because I wasn't protecting myself from them. That is the point Eric, for me to learn and get stronger. Wasn't it?"

I asked this softly but knew that it was a really a rhetorical question. We both knew this but he was feeling upset about something. My hand went out to touch the side of his face where I had gotten a few hits in as well. I hadn't meant the touch to be anything other then me showing that I had learned during our session. It ended up me cupping the side of his face.

A little of his anger melted as well as the tension in his body while his hand mimicked my gesture and pulled my head forward until our foreheads were pressed against each other's.

He took long and slow measured breaths before he spoke. His thumb moving lightly against my jawline and ear.

"I went too fucking far, Kat. It was supposed to only be about teaching you, helping you to keep focus. _I_ was supposed to be calm about this. Not the angry fuck that was in the ring with you." His words were a low strained whisper. I heard the pain in them as well as the disgust that he was feeling for himself. "I was so angry at you. I was supposed to help you keep focus but I lost mine completely when all I could see was what could have happened last night."

I understood the anger at my being irresponsible with getting so drunk it affected my performance the next day or even how I was acting. I didn't understand what he was talking about though.

"I don't understand Eric. I mean I know I was stupid for getting that drunk knowing I had this and then training today. I know it was stupid doing it while hurt but I don't…."

He growls a little and the hand that found its way to my hips tightens. "Kat….things happen here...bad things. Dauntless isn't, gods, it is nowhere like it used to be; how it should be." He pulls back so he can hold my eyes with his and they are blazing again with intensity and I can't make out all the things those eyes hold. "I want to change. I mean, I want to make it better here. Safer...for you...and just.." he takes a breath and shakes his head while trailing off. "There have been cases of female initiates getting drunk and then things happening to them. Bad shit Kat that I couldn't handle even the _thought_ of happening to you."

I think I know what he is meaning but my eyes narrow and I swallow against the bile rising in my throat. "What kinds of things?"

"What kind of things do you think when I say females?" He sighs and then our foreheads are pressed together again. Then he is taking those long slow measured breaths again. As if he is calming himself enough to go on. "But it isn't even just the female initiates. Most of the accidents or deaths that happen during initiation happen because of them being stupid when drinking or fights they can't handle when tempers are fired up. So seeing you in that state...knowing you were at risk...and you are _so_ at fucking risk, Kat. It will just get worse as training goes on. Please tell me you understand this?"

He finishes on a demand that I understand it quickly if I hadn't already.

I nod against his forehead and sigh. "I'm sorry. It was stupid and I won't let that happen again."

He pulls back and has a slight smirk on his lips. "I am sure you getting drunk again will happen, just not when one of us can't help you. Not when your friends aren't there to watch out for you and not when I can't do shit about it at all. It killed me to see you…." He stopped and closed his eyes, jaw clenched. "It doesn't matter, as long as you promise at least all of that."

"Ok, I promise." I am not just placating him either. I have no plans to get that drunk again or really drink again at all. Especially with how bad I feel right now.

He nods and then quickly presses his lips to my forehead before pulling away and going back to what he was doing before. Amid the blush on my cheeks and the daze that simple contact inspired in me a thought strikes me.

"Stop." I say firmly and put my hand out to stop him from putting on the ointment.

His scowl is instant and he growls, shaking his head. "I thought we went over this shit yesterday, Kat."

I frown and nod. "We did, that isn't why I am telling you to stop. I will even take any of the same medications you want to give me but _after_ training today. Or at the very least after lunch."

He pauses for a moment, letting his arms go to his knees in his crouch. His eyes holding mine before he lets out a breath. "Explain."

"You need to use me, Eric. Use me and what I am sure everyone saw me doing last night for an example. Let them see me this morning and make it known this was a result of my punishment this morning. Let it be an example to the rest of them, especially the girls, so maybe…"

Eric clears his throat and sighs tiredly while a hand goes to the bridge of his nose and he finishes for me. "They stay the fuck away from drinking, at least for the duration of training."

I nod and then realize how that will make him look. "Eric...I know how it will…."

He gives a mirthless chuckle and shakes his head. "You think I give a _fuck_ how it will make _me_ look? Kitten, I have actually done a _lot_ fucking worse things and have been accused of many more just as bad if not worse. This wouldn't even rate on the 'evil bastard' scale compared to all of that."

I frown at that for so many reasons. Mainly because he says he doesn't care but I think he does, he just would never admit it to himself. I am coming to see that in our time together. "Then why don't you want to do it?"

He takes his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before letting it go. "Your friends and family mean a lot to you, Kat." He says simply and firmly. At first I don't get what he means or what that has to do with anything until it starts to register for me.

A flush takes over my body, probably giving me real color for the first time since I woke up this morning and I fight to keep my voice even.

"They do, Eric. They all do but like you said, I would and do count you among them." There is a flash of frustration in his eyes before relief takes over.

"I don't want you to hold any illusions about me. I can't be anyone other than who I am, Kat." He finally answers me.

I nod with a shrug. "I wouldn't expect anything else. I know we barely know each other...that it has only been few weeks...but I like who you are, Eric. Who I am coming to know."

 _I know I much more than just like you. I at the very least would like to be more than just friends._

I sigh internally because that isn't going to happen. Even after the talk with Lynn, I just can't believe someone like him would be interested in me over other women.

He smirks at me for some reason and shakes his head before looking down at the tube of ointment in his hand, debating, then looks back to me.

"At lunch you go to my apartment and we get this all applied. At breakfast you take whatever we give you, no questions. Those are my conditions."

For a second my hackles raise at his command. It only lasts a second when I think of the trade off. If doing this prevents one of the girls or any of the initiates from being hurt, then I would gladly pay that price. It isn't like I minded any of his demands too badly either.

I give a simple single nod in reply. That smug grin he loves to display works it's way on his face as he chuckles a little. "Then let's get to breakfast before Chase and Zach come look for us. I am sure they are anxious to have a few words with you too or just make sure I didn't go too far."

He raises with way more ease than I can manage right now. I thought I hurt this morning, I again thought I hurt before we started our combat training. I laugh at those memories now because I think I would gladly curl up in a ball in a deep dark hole somewhere with how bad I hurt right now. Suddenly those meds he mentioned sound really damn good.


	28. I Don't Give A Damn About My Bad Rep

**A/N: Just a little something something far ya before I brave the heat of hades to start my moving day again. Enjoy ya'll. (Yes my southern comes out early in the morning)**

 **Chapter 28 - I Don't Give A Damn About My Bad Reputation**

 _Eric_

I find myself in the training room way too soon for my liking. The breakfast went by too fast and I was dreading having to put up with what I knew was coming. It didn't inspire excitement in me. Not to mention that it meant watching Kat struggle through the day. The only good part of that was she was paired against Christina today.

Not even my doing this time but I would take it.

Even if it had rankled me that Four had already presented his matches before I could get mine in. I did go ahead and submit the next couple of match proposals and can't even help the smile I got when he didn't hide his disapproval. It had ended with Max having to bark out for us to cool our shit but it had been worth it to point out that he either didn't have enough faith in his own teaching methods or his initiates ability to handle things.

I had even given Tris an offhanded compliment for her victory during her fight. Stating that despite his severe error in judgment in matching her up against someone so clearly out of her level for a first fight, she had proven herself capable.

I am not sure if that was _all_ me trying to make a dig at Four anymore. Now that I had calmed a little from the cluster fuck that entire day had been I can say she had impressed me somewhat.

I am scowling as the initiates are filing in. Kat had already been here, having walked in with me in the manner that is becoming routine. Damn, that had been one tense walk for the both of us. It was like a fucking parade to be honest. Not only was she wanting me to use her as the example for the initiates, but she had said that during the walk it should be made clear exactly what had gone on, or at the very least highly suggested. It had certainly made the impression we were going for based on the reactions we got along the way.

It hadn't been hard on her part to act the battered initiate. Even with the medications we had insisted on her taking it wouldn't make her better in the matter of hours. It would however have her healing much faster after she got rest tonight and would get her back to a better condition. Assuming she didn't get injured too severely during her fight today or the sparring and other activities before the next scheduled fight.

It hadn't even been too hard for me to maintain the glare and scowl that I was supposed to be wearing. I was still angry with myself for this morning. For losing it in the ring with Kat like that. It wasn't even that I went at her physically harder than I had meant to. It was all the crap I was saying to try and provoke her, to make her lose her focus and test her. The plan had been to do that from the start but it would have never been on the personal level I took that shit.

I don't even remember everything I spewed out during the session I put us both through but I am surprised she will even speak to me much less still consider being _anything_ with me. She had lost it a few times. We both had. But she got better as the time passed and in the end we both went down on the mat in a panting sweaty mess after she had finally gotten in a number of really damn good hits on me. They were hard enough that they literally knocked some fucking sense back into me.

All I wanted to do then was take care of her. To clean her up and wipe away any trace of the damage I had done to her. Hoping that if I had damaged _us_ in any way I could wipe that away just as easily.

She would never know how much it was tearing me up inside to leave her like that.

On that same token the reason why, what she was willing to do to herself, to endure….for _them..._ so that they could learn; just kicked in all those feelings that I am just coming to realize are all tangled up in Kat. These fucks that would as soon see her and her sister on their way, probably in broken pieces, than look at her with the fucking respect she really deserved. She didn't want a damn thing in return for it either other than the chance that it would protect or help one of them.

When she had told Chase and Zach this, after they got a look at her and had been about to lay into me, it had stopped them just as cold as it had me for a moment. We all felt pride in her for this and so many other things, a fierce fucking pride and protectiveness that just mounted with each day.

But there was also something else her actions brought home. Her actions and the way she proposed them, the reasoning behind it all, are all clearly divergent. They also feel far from the threat they are _supposed_ to be.

Divergent rebels my goddamn ass.

A rebel wouldn't give a shit about members of a faction they clearly have no intention of staying in. A rebel would use something like this to sow discontent or some kind of trouble. She was trying to _prevent_ those things.

So I had agreed but had gotten an added bonus with her agreeing to meet my conditions. She didn't need to know that if she hadn't wanted to, or had countered with something, I still would have gone along with her suggestion. Because it was a good one and needed to happen. That part of me that is willing to use anything to drive home a point had known I was already going to accept it. I just didn't like that I could use her in any way so easily. I didn't want her to think...to ever think….I was just using her for anything.

Kat stood a little beside and behind me. The way she was standing wasn't all an act. She really did still hurt and didn't have to pretend at that. She was doing a damn good job with her facial expressions though considering she had spent most of the breakfast laughing as Chase and Zach decided to look at most of the incident in the Pit with humor, now that the worry and lectures had passed.

That was a recounting of events I could have done without. I in fact did do without them. I chose to instead go make myself ready for my day and put on what I considered my armor. I was dressed in my normal clothes, fresh as opposed to the ones I had left the training room in earlier. I was freshly showered with my hair perfectly in place. I had already spread some of the healing serum to the marks on my face from where Kat had landed a few good blows. Those were already so faint they were barely there.

I left the ones on the rest of my body. It might be messed up but it felt good having them there. They were _her_ marks and with how they were delivered, I felt them every time I moved a certain way or flexed certain muscles. Which I found myself doing often, the twinges and shooting pains reminding me they were still there for me. It inspired desire in me, but what didn't since she had come into my life? It also made me feel like she had claimed me. Just like I already claimed her.

 _Maybe I need to get my head checked because that has to be seriously messed up._

A soft gasp draws my attention to in front of me. "Kat!" Tris whispers with a frown as she takes in her sister.

"What the…." Four starts to growl out before I shift and smirk at him. His eyes focused on the mess that Kat's face is now on both sides, lips thinning and anger building. All this just lends to the point being made here.

 _Show time_.

"Thanks for joining us." I start out in my normal cold drawl. "I am sure all of you are aware of a certain initiate having made a complete ass of herself in the Pit last night." I cast a glare to Kat standing behind me.

She doesn't give me a cowering or completely chastened look. That would have been too much and that isn't in my kitten, act or no fucking act. Her chin raises a little and her spine goes a little straight. But she doesn't hide the wince or the pain that lanced through her either. She doesn't hide the way, for a moment during that lance of pain, her breathing halts.

She uses her real pain to speak for her so that she doesn't have to put lies to her actions.

"What you might not have known is that drinking is prohibited, the punishments, if you are caught..." I pause and look back to Kat "...are severe." I finish and she flinches slightly. I can tell it isn't because of the physical pain she is in this time, but a reminder of why she is doing this. I notice her eyes going to her sister and moving over the other girls. Memorizing them and why she decided to do this in the first place. "We put these rules in place for a reason. Your fellow initiate got off easily and way too damn lucky if you ask me."

There is a muttered 'didn't ask you' from somewhere in the crowd and has my eyes narrowing to find the source. During this time there is a sigh from Four, who steps forward and addresses the group.

"Every year, more times then we would care for it to happen or that we can prevent, there are severe injuries even deaths. The cause? Some initiate that has never drank before or thought they could, takes on more than they can handle." He stops to look at me and while I can see pure anger and disgust when his eyes move over Kat, most likely for her 'punishment', he also gives a slight tight nod to me as well.

 _Fuck me god damn sideways. He is actually agreeing with me on something?_

I succeed in shoving aside my disbelief and surprise at this turn of events and get back to the matters at hand. "Not to mention it is a really fucking stupid choice to drink, especially to the point of being completely drunk, the night before you know you have any type of training. Physical training and your fights will require you being at your best and peak conditions." I sneer as I look out over everyone. "Well, at least as much as you sorry bunch can be in peak physical condition."

I smirk at the glares and bristling I see around the room and continue. "You do anything that takes you out of that condition, any activities outside of training that is, and you might as well be taking yourself out of training. I think I have already shown what giving up, and that is what this would be, will garner you. Only there will be no second chances going forward, not any that you would be up to earning them. Your fellow initiate here found this out first hand and will continue to find this out every morning until her training ends." I look back to Kat, smirk still in place. "Isn't that right, Initiate?"

Her eyes had been locked with her sister, whose lips were thinned and fists clenched as I was speaking. At my question she looked back to me and held my eyes for just a moment, her chin still raised slightly until she lowered her eyes a tiny amount. Just enough to show respect but not submission.

At the image of her with those beautiful eyes looking at me through her long and thick lashes in a look of the kind of submission that comes in the bedroom, my dick twitches. My jaw clenches a little as I start to think about anything else to make sure I don't go hard right in front of the entire bunch of initiates.

"Sir, yes, Sir." Her tone hints at nothing but answering my question. It sounds almost as if she is working to keep anything else from her voice.

I look back over the group and my face goes devoid of any emotion while I take on my deadly soft tone. "Is that understood Initiates?"

It takes a brief moment as the others shift uncomfortably, the girls wincing as they glance to Kat and see her even further battered and bruised face.

"Sir, yes, Sir" Is finally intoned.

I give a grunt of dismissal and look to Four, signaling he can now start the day. I turn away from the group so that my back is to them. I want just that small moment to be able to watch her as she passes me. My eyes soften but know she can't return the expression. She passes me and knowing it will look just like I am being an ass, I block her way slightly so that her shoulder bumps into my upper arm a little.

"Be careful, Initiate." I say in the low tone that she knows is just for her now.

Her eyes meet mine briefly from over her shoulder and her lips tilt just the slightest amount. "Sorry, _Sir_. I will try to be more careful in the future."

They way she said sir sent waves of pleasure through me. She might not have meant to, like I think I know she didn't mean to the first time she used that tone with the title. There was way too much affection and meaning behind one simple word. Like it had suddenly become a pet name or nickname for her and I. It was what inspired me to use the one that had come to me watching her fight and thinking of her fire when calling me out and fire back at me the previous morning.

I didn't respond but I did smirk a little. Then she was joining the others and Four was giving the rundown of what we would be doing for the first portion of the day. It would be a boring morning most likely. For what was probably the first time in all my years dealing with initiation I was actually glad of that. Because it meant that at least for these next few hours I didn't need to worry about what kind of shit Kat could get up to.

Shaking my head I joined the group as they headed out and to the roof to begin working with the newest firearms they were set to learn.


	29. Life And Games Of Dauntless

**A/N: So procrastinating...so here is something to make me feel more productive. Time jump ahead!**

 **Chapter 29 - Life And Games Of Dauntless**

 _Kat_

Considering how my first days in Dauntless had gone, the next few weeks pass in almost relative quiet. As much as Dauntless can claim to be quiet.

That morning I had woken up hungover and miserable passed without much more fanfare. Training for the first half went by quickly and I enjoyed working with the semi-automatic rifles we were given to work with. Again I did well but Edward was better.

I didn't begrudge him his success but I itched to get more time to improve mine. So the time we were allowed to work with the weapons ending way sooner than I wanted left me pouting visibly. That pout had continued until I found myself outside of Eric's apartment and then being ushered in by a waiting Zach. Eric and Chase weren't far behind me. They had found it highly amusing I was so upset about having to stop working with the weapons. Eric had promised, with a smug smile, that he was sure they could arrange something at some point.

Lunch went just as quickly and as per our agreement I let Eric tend to me. The worst of my bruising and injuries were to my upper body. I didn't know whether to be thankful that he hadn't asked me to take off my shirt or not. It didn't stop the reactions I had to his hands moving over my skin when they slipped under my shirt instead. I also didn't know what to think by my observations of his very obvious and large reaction to him touching me either.

It had left me breathless and gulping. Then we had this moment where we had just looked at each other for long minutes. My eyes had been burning with the desire flowing through me, making them heavy lidded. It hadn't helped that his eyes were mirrors of mine at that moment. He had let out a breath and scowled before he backed away, helped me down and led me into the dining room for a simple lunch.

That encounter had left me even more confused. I could admit his body might be reacting to me but maybe that was just men. Maybe it was just a physical reaction, involuntary almost, and he couldn't help it. Maybe, judging from his scowl, he couldn't help it and didn't _want_ it either.

My fight against Christina was over quickly. I can at least say she did try and dealt much better with the pain I knew I was inflicting on her. I had started to do my focus exercises from the moment fights started. Even though Tris was put up against Mayra and she was one of the first fights, I continued it throughout. Tris won, pretty easily too, and I had felt proud of the way she handled herself as well as the fight. She didn't get a knock out but her hits were enough to send Mayra to the ground, dizzy and unable to see to even get up and continue.

With Christina putting effort in, it had come down to me knocking her out. I had done so as soon as I could and tried not to draw out my hits so that they caused too much pain. She even got in a few hits on me that had me casting small smirks of surprise but also pride. I didn't miss the look of confusion and then surprise on her face when she recognized this.

I might not like Christina, pretty much couldn't stand her, but I didn't wish her to fail or anything bad to happen to her. What would be the point? I did wish my sister wouldn't insist on still being her friend when it was pretty clear that would never be fully returned. Not the way friendships should be.

That night was similar to my first night in Dauntless. My friends along with my sister and Will found ourselves in the tattoo parlor. We all ended up getting tattoos and most of us got a form of the Dauntless symbol.

With help from Tori, she drew up one for me that we designed together. At the top of my spine was a lotus flower, the dauntless symbol at the heart of the flower and the flames melding into the petals. Underneath that, the flower was being held in hands, cupped and poised as if the hands were lifting the flower up. Not exactly the Abnegation symbol but it had enough similarities that it was hinted at. Then outside of the flower were faint delicate lines shaped into a triangle. The lines were composed of dots, short and long lines in the written version of a language not known to many but that I found books on and taught myself. It is called Morse code and I used that to frame the symbol of rebirth and bravery and a nod to selflessness, with other words that had meaning to me.

While we sat in the Pit after leaving the parlor my eyes often went to where Eric, Chase and Zach stood. Just as often I could see them looking over at me. I also felt flustered when mine and Eric's eyes would meet. In them at times I thought I saw the same impatience and frustration that I couldn't be with him….I mean...them.

I don't think I had ever been as impatient for a night to be over and head to bed as I was that night. Despite knowing that training was going to be hell with both Eric and the others, I couldn't wait for the morning. I thought I would never to get to sleep with how impatient and excited for it I was. My body had had other ideas and my head was barely on the pillow before I was out.

*****Page Break*****

Waking up I was surprised to find how much better I felt. Breathing since my fight with Drew had been difficult and seemed to be taking forever to become easier. Even keeping my ribs wrapped up hadn't completely eased it.

No matter how well I felt when I woke up it didn't stop me going to bed feeling almost as battered as the day before.

Morning training with Eric hasn't been as brutal. It helped that Eric wasn't pissed about anything to make him be that way. He might not have been as brutal but he was by no means easy. Like the day after my drinking incident, he always sets about cleaning me up. And just like from that first day, I refused to let him make me look any less like I had just gotten my ass handed to me.

Eric didn't like it but I knew he realized it was necessary. He still made me bargain with him every time. Two weeks has gone by in a blink. My days are pretty set between my morning coffee with Eric, Chase and Zach before Eric and I go to the training room or sometimes his office, but mainly the training room. We have been working mainly on my combat skills and he says that will continue until fights are over. I still leave those training sessions bruised and battered looking because he is always upping the skill levels. I am also proud to say I get some damn good ones on him during those times.

Breakfast is almost always at Eric's apartment unless he has to attend a meeting or some other leader duty. I think he has been putting off some of these because a few times he has been pulled from training by some person or another and he always looks annoyed about it.

Training is still focusing on physical with our fitness, fighting and firearms...or as I like to refer to it the triple F's. Not very clever but it made Will and Tris laugh a little. My body is changing and I know Tris' is too. She has the most changes going on because she hadn't had as much physical preparation before coming as I did. We are both improving and I wonder if we are going to be in the top five. We haven't been given updates on the rankings and I haven't felt it right to ask the guys.

Zach had asked if I was curious about my ranking during breakfast one morning. I had told him that I was but I would wait to find out when all the other initiates do. I think my tone and the look in my eyes had told them all that I wouldn't accept anything different either.

We are wrapping up stage one finally. I have mixed feelings about that, having some idea of what is in store for the next stage. I worry about what kinds of fears I will have to face but I can't focus on that. It doesn't stop my dreams from being invaded by that worry at night though.

For this morning's bargaining with Eric, I had to agree to have dinner with the guys instead of my friends, take the meds they gave me and head straight to bed. They wouldn't say why they were being so damn insistent that I not hang out in the pit. They were being cryptic and had way too much excitement going on for there not to be something up with them.

I was able to drag Tris with me, stating that I was completely tired and felt that my fight the next day was going to be a lot more difficult. It wasn't exactly a lie. I had already faced two fights that I would term as having been too easy. Mayra and Al. Al hadn't even really tried even though I had tried to provoke him a few times. He never gave in and instead went down faster and harder than he should have after one punch to the head I delivered. I couldn't prove it but I think he did it on purpose. I wanted to call him out but Four had called the match as good. I got the win but it hadn't felt like one. I felt deprived, angry and a disgust for Al that was hard to keep from showing.

I knew my easy fights couldn't last though. I knew I would be paired against Edward, Peter or Will soon and looked forward to it. I wanted the challenge and there was no way that Eric wouldn't put me in with them either. So it was coming and I thought that maybe tomorrow would be the day.

*****Page Break*****

I was wrong. It wasn't fights the asses were excited about. I found this out when the door to the dormitory crashes open with people piling in. I think Tris and I had been asleep for about an hour or two before this. I was groaning before anything else even happened.

Flashlights are shining by the people in the doorway but one figure stands out, at least to me, and I recognize him before he even speaks.

"Everybody up!" Eric roars and a flashlight is moved just in the slightest, enough to make the gauges in his ears glint a little.

Surrounding him are several Dauntless members I know, including Chase, Zach, Four, and Zeke. Initiates were scrambling but Eric moved his eyes over to see me laying still in bed and held me with his gaze. I was blushing under his scrutiny and hadn't moved. I guess something made him break the moment first because next thing I know is he is glaring in Tris' direction.

"Did you go deaf, Stiff?" He barks out.

This snaps me out of my daze and has me scrambling out of bed only to see that Tris was apparently still in bed as well, looking flustered.

I grab clothes that were laying on a chest at the end of my bunk. Clothes that were not there when I passed out or that I would pick out for myself considering they are too specific for what I am assuming is in store for us. I catch the drift and shake my head as I start to put them on.

Everyone around me is doing the same thing. All except for Christina. I look up to find her standing only in her t shirt, legs bare, arms folded over her chest and staring at Eric. At first, I think I must be seeing things, the way she is looking at him. Then I realize I am definitely _not_ seeing things and her look is one of invitation.

I get a sharp elbow to my side and whip around with a scowl on my face to see my sister looking at me with wide and worried eyes.

"Are you ok, Kat? You were….I mean...you were kind of _growling_." She gets out in a hurried whisper.

"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks." Eric calls out and I don't even need to look at him to hear the amusement in his voice. "We're going on another field trip."

I don't answer Tris at first, instead I turn back to look at Eric, who isn't even looking in Christina's direction. He casts a look at me with a smug tilt to his lips before turning and walking out.

I scowl at his back for a second before I yank on the rest of my clothes and boots. Tris is watching me worriedly and I sigh. "This sucks. I need coffee." I mutter out and hope she thinks I am just upset about being woken up and my caffeine addiction. I really do need coffee so it isn't all a lie.

Tris giggles a little and links her arm with mine after we both toss our hair up into messy ponytails. She pulls me along with her, Christina just in front of us. We have to run along the paths and shove our way through the Pit.

A few members I know at least by face and have talked with before clap my back and murmur things like 'good luck' or 'don't die'. Tris looks to them as we pass with wide eyes and paling slightly.

"Relax Tris. I am sure they are at least partly joking." I inform her with a playful smile.

We make it to the tracks just behind the Dauntless born and I am the one pulling Tris now. Next to the tracks are bags of gear and I let my curiosity and excitement rule me. I forget I am even pulling her until she curses when I practically run and lunge for the bags. Letting out a squeal of glee at what I see inside.

The first bag has a cluster of guns with longer barrels than normal and trigger guards on them. I grab one and then quickly reach into the bag that has boxes of what I can only assume is ammunition. I am shoving that into my pockets, wide smile and bouncing on the balls of my feet, when Christina scowls into the bags.

"Are we going to shoot something?" She hisses out.

A wicked smirk crosses my face and I don't even let Tris answer. She had just straightened up after putting away her own box of ammunition.

"If the gods are kind we will be shooting…. _someone_. Hey Christina, wanna be my huckleberry?" My voice is purring with the thought of getting a shot at the bit….urm...girl.

There is choking from beside me and I turn to see Chase standing beside Eric, acting as if something went down the wrong windpipe. Eric winks at me before quickly turning away.

"You really think they will have us shoot each other." Christina looks to Tris, her complexion just slightly paler and then looks back to me every once in awhile with a wary expression.

Tris shrugs, a frown in place. "I don't know Christina but they do have us fight each other, so…" She trails off as Eric had called to everyone that hadn't figured it out yet to grab a weapon.

"Everyone grab a gun!" He shouts out and I move out of the way of the rush that is about to occur. Christina must have figured getting away from me was a good thing. She wasn't near when Uri, Mar, and Lynn joined Tris and I where we were standing.

Lynn raised her eyebrow at me, having heard my words to my sister's friend earlier. I shook my head and sighed. I didn't regret it and was still really looking forward to getting to put a few in her if I could. I just didn't like what I knew was causing it.

Jealousy.

It wasn't something I was really familiar with. I had been jealous here and there before. Small things and most to do with how much I wish I could have been Tris along the years. Those were just fleeting flashes and nothing like the feeling seething inside me right now. Now I knew what Lynn was talking about. How uncontrollable it feels and how much you can hate that part of it by itself.

"Time estimate?" Eric turns to Four with his question. He had been talking with Chase and Zach who were laughing about something.

Four checks his watch after rolling his eyes. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" Eric replies and I hear the smirk in his voice as he shoves Four's shoulder. It is probably supposed to look like a playful gesture but I know it is anything but.

When the train comes, Four is the first on. It shouldn't really surprise me that Tris ran after him and was the next on. It doesn't surprise me that I did something pretty fucking similar when I saw my three guys taking off. Of course one was more the focal point of my attention.

Eric is the first of them to get on with Chase being the last. He extends his hand out for me and I grab it for him to help me in. When I am in he smiles at me and motions with his head for me to join my sister at the other side of the car.

She is sitting but I don't feel like I could even begin to stay still right now. So I stand beside her and bounce a little as I wait for the others to join us.

"Oh for goodness sake, Kat." Tris grumbles and stands beside me. "You were hurting my head to watch you bounce like that." She says with a grin once she is standing beside me.

Once everyone is in, Four speaks up.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." Four says this all from beside the door of the car, holding onto the frame to keep himself balanced.

"Well...what do we get if we win?" Will shouts from near the back of the big group.

"Sounds like something a non Dauntless would ask." Four says with a smirk and quirked eyebrow. "You get to win and the bragging rights that goes with that. A very big deal in Dauntless." His smirk gets even bigger as he looks to Eric.

Eric's lips thin slightly and his jaw clenches. "Four and I will be your team captains." He looks to Four after he announces this. "Let's divide up transfers first, shall we?"

Anticipation and uncertainty starts running through me. I am suddenly worried, very worried, that Eric won't want me on his team. That he won't pick me. The thought makes me more sick to my stomach than I would like to admit.

"You go first." Four says offhandedly.

Eric's eyes move over the group and hesitate on me for a second. Then he shrugs. "Edward."

I deflate a little and feel Lynn nudge me pointedly. At that my back goes back to being straight and nod to her.

Four leans casually against the doorframe and nods. He too scans all of us and his eyes hesitate as well. They also flicker between Tris and I causing me to pale and start to shake my head slightly.

 _No, I don't want to be on your team you asshole!_

And I don't. I know he will pick Tris, I just do. I know he will also try to pick me and I don't _want_ to be on his team! I feel like stamping my foot and pouting like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum.

His eyes move away from us quickly. "I want the stiff."

There is faint laughter all throughout the car and I feel myself getting a scowl.

"Which one?" Someone calls tauntingly from the side and I recognize the voice as Molly's. "Or does it matter and they only count as one person because they are that useless?"

"If we wanted your input, Initiate, we would ask for it. Also, before you open your mouth I would urge you to remember that next to those two, you barely have _any_ skills with weapons." Eric gets this all out with the deadly soft voice he uses when he is trying to contain his rage, his eyes hard as he pins her with them.

She gulps with a nod and he looks back to Four. "She has a good point though. Who are you going with?"

Four narrows his eyes for a second and I can't tell what he is thinking. He shrugs and motions with his head towards...Tris. "Tris will do."

Eric smirks, pleased or smug I don't know. "Got something to prove? Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

I almost sigh at that. He wasn't wrong about his and Four's thing they have going on. He just can't help himself and neither can Four.

Four only shrugs again. "Something like that."

Tris tenses from beside me. I want to grab her hand and assure her he doesn't mean that. He can't exactly announce that either though.

"Your turn, Eric."

Eric still has a smirk to his lips. "Kat."

Four bristles at that, almost glaring at Eric. Then he wipes it from his face and shrugs. "Deciding it is a good out for you if you lose again this year?"

Eric doesn't answer back, just shrugs. "Your turn now, Four."

It is like watching a chess match with hot heads as the opponents, wondering when one of them is going to flip the hell out and flip the table. They make some good moves and then between their glares and taunts, really shitty ones. Only I get the feeling we, the pawns in the game, are going to be the ones that bare the brunt of any failures that happen in their power struggle.

When all's said and done I am on a team with:Edward, Peter, Molly, Al, Mayra, Allison, and Mar. Along with a few other of the Dauntless born I have come to know through my friends.

I recognized the pattern of both Four and Eric. They only deviated it from it a few times, Eric with choosing me but then having been left with Mayra as a last choice. Eric went for strength and power. Four went with small or slim and agile.

"Your team can get off second." Eric nods towards Four.

"Don't do me any favors." Four replies with a small knowing smile. "You know I don't need them to win."

 _Oh god, Eric don't fall for it!_

I am praying Eric at least sees what Four is doing. One look at Eric tells me he does but his pride is also warring with his reason.

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off." Eric says and takes his bottom lip into his teeth for a moment. "Take your scrawny team and get off first then." He grumbles and I silently groan looking to Chase and Zach who just roll their eyes.

Four's group all stands up and in small groups, jump off the train. I feel a small pang at seeing my sister jumping. I don't like seeing her going off like this. I don't like the thought of her being on an opposite side either. It makes the hairs on my arms stand up and my stomach roil.

"You know Four's team is going to be going all out after us, right?" I say lowly to Chase who is walking beside Mar and I after we have all jumped off the train as well.

Eric is walking further behind the group, having to make sure all of the initiates stay with the group. The Dauntless members will be participating but are also protection. Apparently the initiates and instructors will be running the show and members will be trying to make sure there is no interference from Factionless. It had happened before in the past and now there are extra guards put into play for the night.

Chase nods. "He usually does. Eric knows this too he just lets Four get to him."

I nod but don't reply because I am in thought.

If I were facing an enemy that has stealth and being fast on their side, along with Will who has a damn good mind as well, what would be the best way to counteract this? What would they be most likely to do?

They would need to see where we are before they would move out. Being fast will mean shit if they don't know where to go. The rule of the game is that our fluorescent flags have to be put out and cannot be covered up. They have to be visible. There is no set height they have to be at, they just have to be out in the open in some way.

We are in the heart of the city but have been told there are boundaries. There are a combination of multiple story buildings along with ruins of collapsed ones. If I were them I would get high to get a visual on the flag or any movement. I would also keep someone high to act as a lookout but wouldn't necessarily have that as where I put my flag. That would be too obvious and take away from that person's job.

I am running through scenarios in my head, everything whirling, as we pass buildings on our way to wherever Eric has in mind. "Alright this is far enough." I hear faintly around me but I am still zoned out.

"Earth to Kat." Mar calls and nudges me.

I frown and look at her, then around me. The group is gathered around Eric, Chase and the other Dauntless members. I had apparently kept walking. Blushing a little, I followed her to join them.

"Glad you decided to join the group." Eric says as he looks to me quickly with a frown before looking back to the others. They were in the middle of being told what to do. "It is up to you to come up with the strategy. We cannot help you decide but know we take this _very_ seriously. What you come up with, if you contribute, how well you do and more importantly if we _win_ ; will all count to your points and ranking. You have been warned."

His warning in the tone and the way he emphasized certain words let us all know he will be very upset if he...we...lose tonight.

Ideas are tossed around and I am standing beside Edward. He looks to me and I look to him when we hear really idiotic ones being called out.

"Something you two want to share over there?" Eric growls out, snapping us both out of our shared amusement.

Edward's back straightens and he loses his amusement while shaking his head at Eric.

I sigh and chew my lip. "Actually, yeah there is. I was contemplating what the best way to counteract an enemy with speed and stealth on their side is. I was wondering...what would be their first steps? Being fast will mean dick unless they know where to go. The only way to get a good bead on an enemy in our terrain would be to…"

"Get high." Edward finishes for me with nod. "They will get as high as possible. Which isn't a bad idea at all, for us too."

I nod with a smirk to him, excitement coursing through me. "Exactly. It would be good for us to get high to not only be able to see their movement and find out where their flag is but we need to keep someone high, separate from where our flag will be, preferably. We don't even _need_ to put our flag up high. Just in an easily defended place. Somewhere where we can limit the ways of approach."

"So….a choke point?" A Dauntless born named Dante asks, rubbing his chin in thought.

I smile wickedly. "That would be perfect. Then we could defend that with people on the ground but also up high. Snipers I guess. Two really good shooters with good line of sight in a choke point could almost double our fire power just by good placement alone."

Matching grins start to spread across initiate and member faces alike. Then the planning, real planning, started to take place. Adrenaline was starting to fill me and we hadn't even started the game in earnest yet.


	30. I Got Your Six

**A/N: No long note...just hope you enjoy.**

 **Chapter 30 - I Got Your Six**

 _Eric_

I wasn't going to last the fucking night.

From the moment I had walked into the dorm room to see Kat laid in her bed, her hair all tousled and this innocent and sexy as hell sleepy look in her eyes, I knew I was fucked.

There was no way I was going to let her be on any team but mine but I also wasn't sure I could handle it. There would be too much temptation to get her alone in one of the buildings, push her up against a wall and just lose myself in her.

The hits just kept on coming too. The first one was when she had looked like, if her sister hadn't intervened, she was going to leap on Christina and claw her eyes out. I had barely registered the girls attempts at flirting with me. Once I saw what she was doing I held in the scoff and laugh I wanted to let out and moved back to watching Kat. It never occurred to me that Kat would see it and feel any kind of way. I also can freely admit that it pleased the fuck out of me to see the jealousy and possessiveness in her eyes.

Made me feel so good I would have let her have a few seconds of a fight with the girl before I pulled her off.

Then her absolute hopefulness and glee when she saw the weapons was infectious. I haven't truly enjoyed one of these games in years. Not only because of _fucking Four_ winning more times then not but because it just became one more chore for me to do. Especially with the threat of the factionless on untried initiates. I was always too wound up and alert for real threats to enjoy anything.

Kat just breathed life back into this for me. I felt like when I was in my own initiate year and the the thrill of that night when I realized what we were doing. Standing beside the tracks and watching her bounce, listening to her sexy as hell challenge to her sister's friend; I knew I was well and truly fucked for the night.

Chase had even mentioned as much when he caught me shifting uncomfortably and already hard with desire. They had teased that they might need to set guards on Kat to keep her from a rabid dog. They weren't that far off the fucking mark.

And now...standing in the center of the initiates, all fired up with wicked smiles that were matching the one Kat had on her lips; I was smoldering with desire and pride.

"That would be perfect. Then we could defend that with people on the ground but also up high. Snipers I guess. Two really good shooters with good line of sight in a choke point could almost double our fire power just by good placement alone." Kat said in a voice full of excitement. I don't know if she was doing it on purpose but her tone was almost husky in her anticipation.

Ideas started to be fired off then. Most by Edward and Kat who seemed to have some kind of frequency going on between the two of them. That was causing no end of jealousy on my part. The only thing stopping me from ripping his spine out at that was the whole time he had his arm wrapped around his girl.

Chase is beside me and leans in close. "Have you noticed that when one of the others puts out an idea...it is always a question and directed at those two? Mainly Kat?"

I nodded as I licked my lips in thought but also just fucking desire. "I had noticed. Have you noticed what else is going on here?"

Chase's lips thin and he nods. "She is doing a good job of it all sounding like Dauntless, isn't she?"

Kat was doing that thing she does. Switching between the traits of the factions with such lightning fucking speed it was hard to tell she was varying from anything other than Dauntless. It was as if her mind itself was at war with which one it wanted to focus on the most and in the end, it always came out Dauntless.

We didn't have long and I called that we needed to finalize a plan in the next few minutes. They got it down right after and we headed out.

We would find a choke point that had at least only one way to approach but at max two. We ended up with finding a set of three buildings and an alley that only had one small offshoot into it as well. They posted a shooter on top of each building and put the flag on the wall at the back of the alley. There were remnants of walls, old dumpsters, what looked to be burnt out vehicles and various other objects that people could hide behind. Five stayed to protect the flag.

Then we had to pick the team to go after the other team's flag. That had been a hard decision. Edward and Kat were two great shooters, even better than a few of the Dauntless born. They were also the ones that came up with the plan and quick on their feet.

We could have put them on the roofs but something told me they needed to be on the team to go after the flag. Then it had been a debate between Chase and I on who would go with that team but there really was no debate. There was no way I was letting her go out there, in the middle of the fucking city, without me. Not happening.

*****Page Break******

I moved silently in front of a diamond pattern formation. I was covering the front, Peter one side while Dante got the other, Edward was bringing up the rear and Kat was in the center. Something she hadn't been too happy about but accepted with one look from me.

Allison had been our scout, climbing the highest point we had to get a visual on the flag. She had caught movement and sight of it at the old amusement park the pier had. There were more open spaces the closer we got to the pier but there were also some terrible blind spots too. I should have known that they would use this site. It was one Four had used about three years ago. Somehow he seemed to cycle through them but claimed he never suggested the location. Zach was with him this year so I would find out one way or another.

It was pretty quiet as we used what buildings there were for cover. Something that had surprised and pleased the shit out of me was when I had thrown out a hand signal, forgetting for a moment that I wasn't with members, I was understood. Not only by Dante which I expected and Edward who I had my suspicions about, but also Kat. So every once in awhile I would throw something out, seeing if they understood and could follow. She didn't know every one that I used but she picked up quickly on what they meant.

The closer we got to where we last knew the flag was, the more I tensed. Something was buzzing in me, not quite off but not quite right either. It was an energy that I couldn't put my finger on.

I realized my mistake in having us break formation when shit hit the fan. It got crazy quickly. One minute the other team spotted us and called out. We moved in and Kat was still near but it was Peter and I on point for the attack.

It was confusing as hell when we were then assaulted from another direction. I didn't even realize it wasn't Four's team until they called out to cover _us_. Suddenly, I felt myself being shoved hard by a tiny body being launched at me and Peter and then hearing a scream that set my blood to ice. The three of us went down while Edward and Dante had turned to fire on whoever had gotten Kat.

There was running towards us and I could hear the air of the neurostim darts being fired as whoever was from Four's team joined in. I saw Zach running past me with his real gun raised and calling orders to the members.

It became clear that whoever it had been was not from their group and sure as shit better not be from ours.

"Eric...something is wrong...fuck...she…" Peter yelled out. I finally notice that Kat is jerking. Like she is having a fucking seizure or something. Then I get a good look and see her entire back and legs have darts sticking out from her.

Peter is reaching for them like he is going to pull them out and I shove him away from her and freeze him with a look. "Back the fuck off. Go help the others. Tell Zach to contact Chase and wrap this shit up. Fuck it, just tell him to come back here and I will tell him myself."

I growl out the order, pulling Kat to me and in my arms. I look around and see an enclosed space that looks to be out of view but clear of anyone. Standing with her I make my way over, making sure that there are no surprises in wait.

Whoever attacked was either taken care of or had already bolted. I am careful of her back and legs as I carry her fireman hold style, over my shoulder, and then lower myself to the ground. She is still fucking jerking but not making a sound. A quick look as I pull her eyelids back and they are rolled into the back of her head. Her teeth are clenched along with her jaw so hard I am surprised it hasn't shattered. Her breathing is harsh and heartbeat erratic.

I am both livid and scared out of my mind right now.

There are footsteps and I raise my sidearm until I see it is Zach coming in. His eyes widen after I lower it, looking to Kat.

"What the fuck happened? How the hell did she.."

"She must have seen whatever or whoever was firing. She pushed me and Peter out of the way." I say in a strained voice, my entire body tensed and fighting to maintain control.

Ten fucking neurostim darts I pull from her. Four of them lodged into her spine. Just looking at the darts shows me the needle is completely different. The needle that auto injects the liquid that stimulates the nerves to simulate being shot by a real gun, is much longer than the only kind we use.

She still isn't moving by the time I get them removed and Zach had been on his communicator calling the groups in and to head back to the compound. With a potential attack we couldn't risk the game continuing so it was called.

"She's still not moving, Eric." Zach said worriedly as I sat with Kat in my arms. It was stupid but I was holding her like a mother would her child. Her chest against mine so I could feel her heartbeat and breathing, her head laying on my chest, while her legs were on either side of me. I was running my hand along her back as if I could make it all go away with my touch.

"Come on baby. I need you to open those eyes for me, kitten." I got out in strained voice as I stared at her face. Her jaw clenched tight over the rolled up piece of cloth we had to put between her teeth to stop her from swallowing her tongue in case she had been having real seizures.

Then she began to whimper. Soft at first but the sound was gut wrenching because it was filled with anguish.

"We have to get her back to the compound and now. Until I know what the fuck happened…." I trail off and get to my feet, still holding her.

Zach sighs and nods. "I will get Chase to make sure your way is clear and the cameras are dark. I say she needs to go to the clinic, Eric."

He might be right but I just can't. I think I have an idea of what is going on and even if she were to go to the clinic they can't help her. All they could do would be to hook her up to pain med IV's to help with the pain she is going to be feeling until it works it's way out of her system.

I don't answer because I am already walking. Heading for the train with Zach not that far behind. The two groups had already started back themselves at least twenty minutes before. Twenty minutes of her not moving or making a sound. I should have known he would be waiting as well. Chase was standing by the tracks, rage and pain burning in his eyes.

Kat's whimpers were getting louder by the minute and she was even writhing here and there. I think I knew in that moment a little of what her father must have felt sitting in the hospital room and knowing she was hurting but not being able to do a damn thing about it.

The difference between Andrew Prior and I was that he looked to stop violence….and me...well I was going to have whoever did this bleeding in very short order.

 _Kat_

 _It is all I can manage to keep breathing. I am adrift and awash in pain. It feels like my very veins have been injected with acid or liquid fire. It caused every muscle in my body to seize and spasm before I started to black out. I have moments where I think I am coming too. I can make out faint voices before I am wracked with pain again. My mind must be trying to protect itself from the pain, pain like I have never felt or imagined was possible. Because I keep going under with no real reason._

 _I fight to keep myself in a wakeful moment. It is important, vital, I do this. I need to make sure Eric is ok._

 _The second set of men….I knew they were after him. The way they held those guns, the way their focus was so intent on Eric. They had dismissed Edward and Dante automatically and went straight for the three of us. They had waited too. I knew they had waited until Four's group engaged us._

 _I needed to know he was ok. I could die as long as I knew I had protected him in the process. Another bout of pain sharper than any others before hits as what feels like an earthquake where my entire body is jostled. A scream tears through me before I know no more._

 _Eric_

"Eric...fuck...she's just...I think she's just out." Chase yells at me to get me to stop my raging and punching the metal walls of the train car.

Zach was cradling Kat's limp body on the floor where I had laid her after she had let out the most bloodcurdling scream when we had jumped onto the train. I thought I had killed her or just watched her die on me with the way she went absolutely limp after letting out that scream.

I make my way back to her, my hand going to her chest over her heart and lean over to press my forehead against hers. My vision becomes blurry and there is burning before I notice that it is tears filling my eyes. Tears that are dropping down on to Kat and I pull back to swipe them away from us both. Pushing them back along with the loss and despair I had felt when I thought she was gone.

"I'm going to fucking kill them Chase. Whoever did this; I don't even give a shit about answers right now. I just want to watch the life drain from their eyes." I am dead serious and while I feel far from calm, I sound nothing but that.

He gives a nod and I see the same desire for that behind his eyes as well. I fight with myself about holding Kat again. Now that I am thinking a little clearer I can imagine what happened. "It was the jump onto the train. The more we move the more her nerves are being stimulated, circulating more of the serum. Making it go more widespread along with her blood flow."

We figure out that this means we can expect at least one more reaction like that from her when we go to jump from the train again.

"Chase, Zach; I don't give a fuck that she will be pissed when she comes out of this…"

I don't have to say anything else because I see understanding in their eyes. Chase, I don't expect a fight from, I know he is all the hell for my plan. I hope Zach doesn't fight it and for once that hope is answered when he nods firmly.

"Chase, make sure we are clear and dark. Put in the orders that because of the attack and she was a witness, she is being kept separate from the others. Until we know who or what the attack was from or about we need to keep the only direct witness under lock and key. Zach get to the clinic and get the shit. Also hand over a few of those darts that we pulled from her as well as the ones that missed us. Have them analyze it. I am going to get her back to the apartment and wait for you there. I am setting the lock down so use that code. We'll hole up there until she is back with us."

There are times when I thank fuck I am one paranoid bastard. Because of that I have my apartment set to be able to serve to hold off some of a direct attack. I have more weapons than the armory stashed around it in hidden places while others I have laying out, for easy reach. My apartment door is hard steel reinforced but I also made sure that in lockdown mode the normal master code that all Dauntless leaders have for all apartments in the compound will not work on mine. My bedroom and bathroom doors are even reinforced.

I don't trust easy and hardly anyone. When I knew what was coming, or I started to get the picture of what we might be headed to about four years ago, I had started to make plans to protect me and my brothers. That is what they are and have been from the moment we all found out we shared one major thing in common. It is what brought us together as Max's choice for the special team Jeanine wanted. It also brought us closer to each other than even that.

I was coming to realize that the three of us had been tight before Kat. Chase and Zach to me had felt like links to...my humanity, maybe? Over the years we had all been drifting further. Me more so than them because if there was something 'dirty' that needed to be done, I made sure it was me doing it. I didn't want that kind of stain on them if I could have helped it. Now that she had come into our lives it seemed like we were even closer. It felt like there was a greater purpose, one even bigger than the one we all originally thought we had when we were conned into all this shit. As deep as I realized on that train my feelings for Kat are, I also realize that I am feeling just as deeply about what we need to do. Not just for her anymore, but for us and the city.

I don't know if it is a good or bad thing that when we make the jump from the train Kat doesn't make any noise. Regardless I try to jostle her as little as possible, holding and carrying her once again like a parent would carry a child. Chest to chest and her legs to the sides of my waist. I am too filled with worry, pain and rage to even think of anything other than getting her to my apartment and taken care of.

That isn't completely true. A thought does run through my mind that now I have her like this in my arms, I am not sure I am going to ever let her go.

When I do get her to my apartment I immediately take her to my room. I pause after I lay her on the bed, sitting there beside her and holding her hand. I remember the plan and I go set the lockdown mode before getting other things set up before I head back into the bedroom. I debate for a long time on if I should leave Kat fully dressed or not. I know logically that is stupid. She needs to be evaluated and treated and I am going to have to remove some things.

By the time Chase makes it back I have her in a t shirt and sweatpants. If I wasn't in such a state I would find it fucking amusing how much I was trying to maintain her modesty for her while I changed her. The only time I deviated from that was when I had turned her onto her side and let myself run my fingers over every spot along her back where she was hit. The circular marks were already darkening with the bruising from impact. I memorized the exact location of them all and promised those responsible would pay tenfold for each one she had.

Chase stands at the door to the room and hesitates as he sees me half laying and half sitting up on the bed beside Kat.

I look over to him and frown. "I'm sorry man. I mean, I can't apologize for how I feel or what I want but…"

Chase shakes his head and enters further into the room, stopping me from continuing. "I don't expect you to and honestly...I don't want you to. She's good for you brother." He sighs as he gets closer to the bed and lets his eyes move over her. "She's good for all of us." Then he looks to me seriously. "I don't know that I can ever change the way _I_ feel but Eric...you have to know I would never.."

Now I shake my head and interrupt him. "I know you wouldn't, man."

There is still that part of me, the possessive animal that also is completely insecure when it comes to Kat and this new territory, that absolutely hates that anyone much less my best friend and brother has a thing for her. Another part, a deeper part that realizes the shit we have to wade through and the danger that is in front of us, is relieved and appreciative of it.

He nods and comes to sit on the end of the bed. "Put in the reports but obviously there was already chatter about the attack. Four's group reported a few things that you need to know, Eric. When I was with the ones that stayed was movement that we thought was his group. There were a few of our guards that checked it out, in case it was factionless. The group that was going after our flag reported that a group of four or five unidentified men were lurking around the area. Whatever they were looking for, or _whoever_ they were looking for wasn't there. In fact that was shouted before they got out of there fast."

Then it all connects. Kat throwing herself in front of me, shoving me out of the way like that. The attackers waiting until we engaged the other group to make sure we were occupied. To make sure _I_ was occupied.

"Me….they were fucking after me. She saw it Chase...she...she fucking threw herself in front of me to stop me from getting…" The enormity of her actions strikes me and if I weren't already on the bed I would have gone to my knees.

"Well find them Eric. Find them and figure out what the goal was. I just…" Chase trails off.

"You mean besides the normal one when there is an attempt on me? They could have been packing real heat but they didn't use it? What the fuck is in those darts, Chase?" I growl out now worried as hell. If something happened to her because of me I would never forgive myself. I would be lost, I know it.

Neither of us had noticed that Zach had come into the apartment and the room. "It isn't lethal, usually, but it isn't pretty either." His tone alone is warning enough. Soft and pained, not meeting my eyes for a second.

"Tell me now, Zach." I demand of him.

The look he gets prepares me ahead of time and I am already feeling the volcano of my temper start to boil.


	31. No Rest For The Weary

**A/N: Alright so this might be one of the last chapters, at least until after the weekend. This moving crap is kicking my butt plus a three year old wanna be ninja (I so created a monster there) trying to kill me and him is leaving me more than a bit knackered. Going to try a different tactic tomorrow and give him the nerf guns to stalk me with and see if that makes it better. Wish me luck! Until then...here is your chapter and I hope you enjoy.**

 **Chapter 31 - No Rest For The Weary**

 _Kat_

There is a heaviness in my body that isn't unpleasant when I feel like I must be waking. A warmth encasing me while at the same time underneath me it feels like I am cradled in a cloud. There is a faint memory of pain but it is so distant now it seems like it had been something I read about or watched. I realize that the warmth also spreads to the pulsing of the blood in my veins.

Trying to open my eyes feels like it takes centuries and for a moment a hazy kind of panic starts to set in that maybe they are open but I am just not able to see. Suddenly I feel a pinpoint of heat on the center of my forehead and what feels like gusts of warm air being blown across my face.

"It's ok kitten. I've got you." Eric's voice is a gravelly murmur as if he isn't really even awake. It is still difficult to open my eyes, they feel just as heavy as my body. I try to shift and move, my body acting like it is fighting the request and taking it's time. When I do, and when my eyes have slowly started to crawl open, I find out why it feels like I am being restrained by reinforced steel bands.

Eric has me, literally.

I blinked groggily as all of this settles in my mind for me to process. The images I am seeing taking seconds in delay for them to truly register. I am in a bed with Eric. Who apparently has me wrapped up in his body, half covering mine with his while his arms hold me close to him. He was asleep still, or at least I thought he was. I couldn't see his face. All I saw was the skin of his neck, tattoos, chest hair peaking out and tickling my lips. I try to move a little to pull back but one of his hands goes to tighten in my hair, as if to hold me there while another moves in what I am guessing is supposed to be soothing motions on my back and hip.

The motion of his hand tightening in my hair turns into him pressing my head back to where it was and that leads to me with my lips against his skin. When they touch and the heat races through me I know I have to be dreaming...or dead.

I am dead and this is heaven? No heaven would this man being naked doing wonderful things to me and he is very much not naked. So hell then. It has to be hell. Where I will always be so close but still so far away.

I groan against his skin. "S'not fair." I mumble in a broken and raspy voice.

"Kat…" Eric groans a little and his hands stop moving in a soothing manner and start moving in a completely different way.

My heart rate picks up, my breathing becomes erratic and the heavy feeling adds burning. At first it is a pleasant aching kind of burning. But the faster my heart works the more I notice that it starts to change.

Starting with my spine a shooting and crackling spike of electricity begins to grow in intensity. Faster than I would think possible it starts to spread to my extremities. Even my fingernails feel like I am conducting some kind of experiment with electricity and fucking it up, as well as myself, royally.

I bite my lip and stop the whimpers from escaping me but don't succeed, the feeling is too intense. I let out a scream as I clutch to Eric, digging my fingernails into him.

"Kat...fuck….fell asleep...goddammit. Zach!" Eric yells out as he has pulled away to cup my face and is looking at me. My eyes are barely open I realize and my vision is blurry but I can't determine why.

I hear scrambling from the next room and then running.

"I got it right here. Hold her still so I can get her arm." Zach's voice is strained.

I hadn't even realized I was thrashing until I was being restrained. Eric talking to me as he did so. "It'll just take a minute for it to kick in, Kat. Then the pain will start to go away. I promise baby...I am going to make it go away."

I don't even care to argue at what I can now figure they have just done. The words are spoken but I feel as if I am hearing them from being underwater. Distorted and deeper than normal. Then I feel drifting again but not from when I was caught up in the pain from when the attack came.

 _Attack! There was an attack and I tried to protect Eric and Peter._

My eyes pop open and I grab Eric tightly. I somehow find it in me to fight back the numbing feeling that wants to pull me into oblivion and I run my hands and eyes over him. "Not shot….okay?"

That is about as good as my verbalization can be at the moment. Eric grabs and stills my hands, a soft smile on his face before he starts to stroke my face and make me lay back down. Pulling me into his arms and then his lips are being pressed to each of my eyes, making them close before moving across my face in different spots.

"Not shot and I am fine...thanks to you. Just rest and let the medications help you, kitten. It will take a few more hours for it all to work it's way out of your system."

I don't have the energy or presence of mind to wonder just what needed to get out of my system before I am pulled under again.

When I wake the next time my body feels the same as before though not quite as bad. I also wake to the space where Eric had been being empty. It leaves me feeling as empty as the space beside me but also like it had all been a dream. It is all muddled and hazy. I remember some things but not all. I would seriously think it had been if I couldn't feel a slight warmth, didn't see what had to be an impression of his body in the sheets beside me. Also if not for the fact that I was very much in Eric's _bed_ in his apartment.

I flush with embarrassment and move to try and get up. A moan tearing through me at how sore and stiff my body is. Ripples of pain and crackling along my skin and down my back leaves me gasping.

"Easy there, Stiff." A voice drawled from across the room and had me jumping in surprise and jerking the covers over me with a scowl on my face.

"Peter?" I croaked in disbelief. "What...what are you...I mean does.."

He gives a small chuckle and gets up from an armchair on the other side of the room to walk closer to the bed. He doesn't come too close though and his expression is unreadable.

"Does our leader and instructor know I am in _his_ apartment with a fellow _initiate_ that has been in his _bed_?" He emphasizes certain words in a very displeased and harsh tone. Then he sighs as his eyes narrow and I see concern in them. "Yeah Stiff, he knows I am here. He is the one that _asked_ me to come here and babysit you."

His whole tone and implications along with his saying he needs to babysit me have my temper raising and growling. "Not that it is any of your business but there is nothing going on with Eric and I in the way you are implying. Again not that it is any of _your_ business, but we are just friends and he has no interest in me in that way." My anger deflates a little at my last statement when sadness and insecurity flood me.

Peter shifts at the end of the bed, rubs the back of his head and rolls his eyes. "Whatever. You two can work that shit out." He mumbles and smirks a little. "Should be interesting to watch. Just to be clear, Stiff, it isn't my business but I do believe you."

I tilt my head and shake it a little, feeling like I am caught up in some weird fucking dream right now. "What are you doing here, Peter? I mean..I know what you said but...I don't get it."

He frowns and his forehead creases in the process. "I don't get lots of things about you, Stiff. Like first of all….why? Why throw yourself in front of either of us? You had to know you weren't getting away from being hit."

I shrug and wince deeply at the movement. There isn't really pain so much as it feels like my muscles have been locked into one place and aren't wanting to cooperate with me. The pain seems to be easing for now. I look at my watch and sigh. There is about an hour before training starts. The way I am feeling it will take every bit of that to get dressed and make my way to the training room.

"Where is Eric?" I ask, trying to avoid answering his question and trying to figure out my next step.

"There was a meeting with the leaders and instructors about the attack. He and his friends had to go. They needed someone to stay and watch out for you but they didn't think you would be waking up anytime soon." He said this with a scowl and accusation.

Like it was my fault and I was disobeying some kind of damn direct order by waking up.

"And you never answered my question, Stiff. Why did you jump in front of it? I would think you would have been fucking happy to see me get hit and go down."

I scoff and scowl at him. "Peter, I can admit that yes I would totally have loved to get a shot at you last night had you been on the opposing side but it would have been in the spirit of the game. Yeah, I would have loved doing it but not in any kind of...I don't know...hateful way." I finish in thought as I start to try and scoot myself to the side of the bed.

"So it was because we were on the same team?" He asks as he sighs heavily and moves over to try and help me.

I give it real thought as he helps me get my legs over the side of the bed. "No, not entirely. I may not like you but I don't have to like you. I do however see you as part of Dauntless and I would _hope_ that if the situation were reversed and I needed someone to cover my back you would have it. Not because you give a damn about me but because we are in the same faction, we all need each other. So I wasn't going to let anyone of my faction go down without at least trying."

"They could have….those could have been real fucking guns, Kat. Did you ever think of that?" He huffs angrily. "Did you ever think not everyone is as fucking noble as you? What the fuck stiff! Do you have any sense of self preservation?"

"Peter, I am not suicidal, so of course I have a sense of self preservation. I won't lie and say...well, that I didn't think they were real guns because every instinct in me felt and responded like they were."

"Fuck! You...and still you would have and did?" Peter's had this wide eyed incredulous look on his face.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" I ask confused and kind of annoyed with all of this.

"Why is it so hard to believe? Because you don't know me for shit, Stiff. I mean...yeah you figured out a few things but you don't really know. You don't know how that has made me have to be. How I…"

I sigh and go to stand. "I know exactly how it has made you but you are wrong about it being how you _have_ to be. We all have choices on how we handle the shit that happens in our life, Peter. It can influence us and shape us to a certain point...the rest is all on us though."

He swallows a little and goes back to scowling at me. "You can't get up. They didn't say anything about you leaving but I am pretty fucking sure that would be _noped_ the fuck out of the equation right away."

I smirk a little at his assessment and insistence. "Well, they aren't here to tell me different and we have training to go to. We both know what missing training does and I refuse to be docked points because I got a little hurt."

He is quiet and moves back when I get up, moving like an elderly person all hunched over and wobbling. "Fucking stiff. You are going to be the literal fucking death of me."

He grumbles then looks around the room. I guess he spots a pile of clothing that was folded and ready for me. He grabs it up and storms to the bathroom, shoves open the door and sets it down, then comes back and watches me try and hobble my way to the bathroom. With a sigh of impatience I am being snatched up into his arms and then plopped down on my feet in the bathroom.

"If you want to get to the training room before the next century, I would suggest you figure out a way to move a little faster. There is no _way_ I am carrying you there." He bites his lip as if he is seriously thinking about doing just that though.

I chuckle and push him out of the door then close it in his face. It takes longer to get dressed because lifting my arms at first is almost impossible. I cast my mind around for a plan and remember that Eric has a medicine cabinet filled with things. Opening it, I rifle around and read the labels carefully. After I find the right ones I toss a couple of them back, turn on the faucet and cup water in my hand to get them down. Then after I have gotten my shirt off I work to spread the ointment that I have been practically drowning in over the last weeks. Once that is done I finish getting dressed and don't even bother with trying to put my hair up.

Once again the clothes are all laid out perfectly for me. It also causes me to realize that the ones I was wearing when I woke up were most certainly not the ones I was wearing before. A burning blush crawled across my skin at the thought that Eric had changed me. I tried not to think about what kind of thoughts or comparisons he might have made. I was torn between hoping he was only looking at me in the cold and clinical way he had when looking over my injuries or hoping he liked what he saw.

The more I move, the more my muscles loosen up. Although every once in awhile I get these shooting bouts of pain that feel like my body is being electrocuted while sandpaper is being rubbed along my skin at the same time. The first few times almost took me to my knees but soon I was able to keep standing and moving.

When I get out of the bathroom Peter isn't there. I make my way to the living room and he is there perched on the end of the couch and looking deep in thought. I make my way to the door without another word and he pops up following me closely. He keeps close as we walk, or as I might as well be crawling I am going so slow, down the pathways.

I look at my watch a few times and see that I am making better time than I thought I would, so decide coffee sounds like an excellent plan. The Pit has more activity going on than I would have thought. It isn't really early but there aren't usually so many people milling around as there are this morning.

As I make my way and am passing people I start to hear murmuring and whispering. It starts to reach a higher tone and then from somewhere something unexpected starts...someone starts clapping.

I look to Peter, my forehead wrinkled in confusion. He looks at me and rolls his eyes and shakes his head. The clapping is joined by whistling, stomping and cheering. I duck into the dining hall as quickly as I can.

The chatter there had stopped and all heads turn in my direction, causing me to turn red and almost turn back and nope the hell out of there...but then it is like all of the cheering explodes inside of the room there too.

Then I am hit by four cannonballs and go to the ground in a groaning tangle mixed with laughter. I want to yell out at the pain jolting through me but the look on my sister's and friend's faces have me holding it back. Fuck the pain, it is worth it to let them have this.


	32. Never Underestimate A Stiff

**A/N: Ok here it is...the last chapter for a few days most likely, depending on how I feel. Thank you so very much for all the love of this story. You have no clue how much it means. Hope you enjoy and see ya'll soon.**

 **Chapter 32 - Never Underestimate A Stiff**

 _Eric_

My entire body is tensed and I am pissed off as we make our way to the dining hall to meet with Max, James, Raze, Victoria, Four, Lauren and others in the higher echelons of the faction. Max had called about an hour ago and demanded we meet to discuss what happened and had been found.

He had demanded we also bring Kat. Telling me that her sister and one of her friends had stormed the offices where Tris had _demanded_ to either be with Kat or Kat brought to her. After telling him that her injury status would prevent it as well as my decision to keep her under wraps until we could get her statement, he agreed to leave her where she was.

It had felt like ripping part of myself out and leaving it behind to let her go. Then knowing that not even Chase or Zach would be there to watch out for her had almost had me telling Max to shove it. Chase suggested we use Hayes, and surprisingly he hadn't even minded. Chase found him sitting at the Chasm. I still didn't care for the ass but it seemed that my _offer_ combined with Kat's actions to protect us both had him being cooperative with our orders.

"All that we will report is that the she was hit by eight regular darts and two of the modified ones with the serum that will attack the nervous system. We won't know if it will have any kind of permanent effect on her for sure until she wakes up and not even right away. From what I understand it could take up to three weeks for her system to right itself after just minimum exposure. But that is for...well, you know." Zach finishes lowly to me as we work out what we are going to inform Max and the others as to Kat's status.

I run a hand over my face and nod in agreement. "There's really a chance it won't be permanent, Zach? Don't...I mean don't just tell me what I want to hear here, brother."

Zach casts a glare at me and Chase sighs. "You know he wouldn't do that and it would just make things worse. This is going to be bad enough and we need to be prepared so we can prepare her."

I nod, lips thinned and think of just how fucking bad it could have been if she wasn't divergent. Now I was just thankful she is because had that not been the case….

No, I won't even think about it right now. I need to keep myself together and not let on how much I am feeling at the moment. I had forced myself to be extra precise with my appearance today so my internal state wouldn't show hopefully.

We finally make it to the dining hall, grab coffees and join the table. There looks to already be some talking going on and I take a seat next to Raze. Of all the leaders, he is the one the three of us were leaning towards in possibly helping stop what was in the horizon if we didn't do something fast. He was being left out of the loop for whatever reason along with Victoria. The only leaders that are really aware of the true intentions of Erudite are Max, myself and James. James is a power hungry asshole and I wouldn't trust him for shit on a good day. Didn't before Kat came along and for damn sure wouldn't now.

Max? I was still torn about Max. Most times he was reluctant as hell for even the smallest of requests, which were really demands, from Erudite. I didn't get what was in this for him. Power wasn't his end goal that much I knew but why had he been willing to get in bed as deep with Erudite in the first place? Because I couldn't begin to really guess at his motivations I was the most wary about him.

"Eric." Max nods to me over his coffee and then repeats the greeting and gesture to Chase and Zach in turn. "We were just discussing some of the Intel that Control was able to pull about the attack."

I looked in the direction of Four and Zeke and caught Four tensed and glaring at me. Zeke elbows him and shakes his head in warning.

I sneer coldly at him. "And what, pray tell, have they found?"

It isn't Four or Zeke that answers but Max himself and I can see the strain and anger on his face. "This was a move by the factionless and not internal as was suggested by some last night. They were dressed as Dauntless but from vid stills that could be captured, the guns they were using aren't the standard ones we use. They were either modified like the darts or are an entirely new creation themselves. We already know they were split into two groups of five and were in both areas where the two teams were. What we were also able to pull up on the vid feed was the attack itself, or at least parts of it."

Chase, Zach and I exchange glances quickly and Chase takes over, considering he is the head of control. "What was the latest footage that we were able to pull?"

This time Four does take over. "The two teams met up. The one lying in wait near where my group had set up but the other one had left your groups area quickly and joined the others. When my group and yours engaged each other, they struck. We can't make it out exactly but it looks like Kat spotted one of the groups and got off several shots along with Edward and Dante downing a few of them. The second set of attackers came in from another side and it wasn't until they were close that she spotted them. Things get spotty from there but we saw her throw herself in front of you and Hayes. It isn't clear what happened to her in the footage but it shows her going down and not getting up. The feed gets static halfway through the encounter to the point that we lose it completely just after she goes down."

Four's hands are clenched as tight as his jaw and I wonder if that is true or if he is lying. Why would he though? It sure as fuck wouldn't be to protect _me_. I could see him doing something to protect Kat but what would have made him feel the need to?

I am pulled from my thoughts as I see the others and Max turn to me expectantly. It is my turn to provide answers now. "The initiate was hit several times by a combination of the two kinds of darts. Only two of the modified darts were successful in hitting her and those were lodged into her right calf and thigh but pretty shallowly. She did have several of the regular darts lodged into her spine deeply. The combination of the two apparently caused enough of pain for her to go into seizures of a sort. It is my belief that from there the pain was great enough that her body shut down unable to deal with it. I was able to confirm with the clinic that it would take time for it to work it's way out of her system and the pain would be considerable for the first twenty four hours. It was recommended that she be kept under sedation, heavy pain medication and muscle relaxants to help mitigate that."

Max nodded thoughtfully and I saw a bit of admiration flash in his eyes. "How many times, exactly, was she hit?"

"Ten sir. She took eight regular darts and two of the modified. All of the regular darts were in her spine or back." Zach provided when he saw my jaw clenching slightly at the memory that struck me so suddenly. Remembering holding her in my arms, her body twitching and for a few seconds thinking that she was hit by real ammunition.

"That was what I thought the initial report said but wasn't sure if I believed it. Her actions are beyond commendable." Max murmurs, looking down as he takes a drink from his coffee. Then he sighs and looks up at all of us. "Continue trying to identify the attackers. I am authorizing two teams to be put together to begin bringing in and questioning the factionless regarding this attack and the weapons they used. I want this done quickly and quietly. News of the attack and actions of our initiate is already making the rounds. I am not sure how or where that leak came from but that isn't too worrying at the moment."

"Sir, if she is unable to participate for the day…" Four starts out slowly and worriedly.

Max waves him off with a scoff. "I think under the circumstances one day of missed training can be overlooked. If I am not mistaken fights do not resume until tomorrow and there is also the point that the activity scheduled for today...well, I daresay she demonstrated enough skill with that to be going on with." Max smirked and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I raised mine back and then shrugged in answer, keeping my mouth shut on this. I was elated that he was giving her a pass for today and with what she showed that night she was drunk she would be getting a good amount of points. Especially with his own approval and comments from that night.

Four looked relieved for a moment and nodded to Max. "If that is all sir, I will go see to the days preparation." Max nods to him and Four stands but stays near the table and looks down to me. "When can I expect to be able to have my initiate back and what can I inform her friends and sister as to her status?"

"You can expect her back when she is brought to you. You can tell her friends that she is recovering and being seen to but that until we speak to her and get her statements she needs to be kept under lock and key." I don't lose it like I want to but my voice does go to it's deadly soft tone again. My eyes are ice as I stare him down. I didn't like his use of the word 'my' at all or the slight possessive gleam in his eye.

"And not even her sister is allowed near to help her through this? She has no moments of being awake when she could give her statements?" Four grinds out.

I tilt my head and smirk at him even though I am feeling anything but amused. "I never took you for a sadist or one for the ways of torture, Four. Yes, of course there are moments when she could be lucid...or what might pass for it. That is if we fail to give her the medications to keep the agonizing pain at bay. If you would like I can order that done now and the next time she comes to, screaming and writhing in pain, you are more than welcome to be there and try to get anything other than that from her. I am sure she will understand that you just needed to make sure of her well being and will forgive you for putting her through that."

The normal dusky complexion of his skin pales and his eyes widen slightly. He recovers quickly and shakes his head. "You made your point, Eric." Without another word he spins and storms away from the dining hall.

My smirk is still in place and this time it is real as I feel like I have won some kind of victory. Until I see Kat's sister storm into the dining hall just as Four was exiting. One look at her and I know this is about to be trouble. She has that look that I have seen often on Kat before she launches some kind of attack, verbal or physical. Whatever she is saying to Four has him bristling and leaning in to whisper to her. It looks menacing the way he is speaking but Tris scowls at him, pushes him to the side and storms further into the room.

Her eyes zeroed in on our table...and _me_.

 _Fuck my life, this is all I need. Lord save me from the Prior women._

I can hear Chase muttering his own worry beside me while _Max_ actually _groans_.

"I want to see my sister." The words are out of her mouth before she is even all the way in front of me. "You can't keep me from her. The very least you can do.."

One look between Chase and I before I pop up, grab her arm and start to lead her further away. "I would watch your tone, _Initiate_." I grind out loud enough to be heard by everyone and in my normal demeanor. When we are far enough away, I let her arm go and cross mine over my chest. I take a few moments to compose myself. Trying to remind my anger that wants to spill out on whoever dared to question me, that this is the sister of the woman I am in….well that I care for. That Tris is just as concerned and worried, maybe more than me even.

"While I can admire your spirit, protectiveness and just outright balls for _demanding_ _anything_ of your leaders, I am cautioning you to take care here. This isn't me saying it for my sake, Stiff, but you and your sister's." I keep my tone flat but firm as I address her. For a moment her eyes widen in surprise and I see the slight fear she had when I had grabbed her ebbing.

She still hadn't lost the fire in her eyes, ones that I see she takes after her father in that her hazel eyes have more blue.

"I still want to be with Kat. I don't understand why I can't be allowed. I would never do anything to my sister…"

I sigh tiredly and shake my head. "It isn't just about that, Tris." My tone and using her name cause her to jerk in surprise and her eyes narrow at me. I suppress my growl and go back to my normal emotionless tone. "There is a procedure to follow when we are trying to protect the location of important witnesses. You might not do anything but who is to say anyone else might feel the same way? Her location is known only to those authorized and it will stay that way."

Her lips thin and I can tell this isn't going well with her. It is making her more suspicious of me. I can't help that but I am not giving in either. "I can say that she is doing much better than she could be after the attack. Max has authorized her to be excused from training for the day and I expect her to be back at least by tomorrow."

There are long moments of silence and I see her look over my shoulder at something. I turn my head and see Lynn standing there, looking to have been in the middle of making some kind of gesture. I am guessing it was her telling Tris to cool it or cut it out. Smart girl. I also see in Lynn's eyes that she might know. She flashes me a slight look of apology before she turns and moves further away.

I hear Tris sigh. "Thank you, Sir, for informing me about my sister." Then her tone turns less hostile and I hear the plea behind it. "But if there is any way I can...or she does wake up sooner...can I please be allowed to see her?"

"I'll see what I can do, Initiate." I grumble and stalk back to the table, done with the whole mess.

Max looks at me for a moment and motions with his head for me to move further down the table. When we are settled well away from the others he leans closer and speaks in low tones.

"I wanted to discuss with you about your thoughts on Kat Prior but also her sister. It would be fair to say that they are showing true potential correct?" It is a question but I can tell he has already made his own evaluation.

I nod, careful to keep my expression and tone neutral. "It was unexpected but they both do show potential as soldiers of Dauntless."

His lips thin and he nods. "I would say that of the two Kat is showing the most currently. Her actions last night alone demonstrate this." Again I nod wondering where he is going with this. He nods as well and sighs before running a hand over his face. "I don't agree with handing over anyone that hasn't tested as positive, Eric. I have made that clear from the beginning and I will continue to do so. I know you have training and are able to spot tendencies early on. I want you to tell me honestly, do you believe either of those initiates to be threats?"

My mind is racing as fast as my heart. I measure my response and say it carefully. "No sir, from what I have seen and experienced with either girl I do not detect a threat. The first stage is never a clear indicator but there can be hints for us to see. I have seen none as of yet."

I knew if I denied the threat completely I was asking for trouble. My paranoia was too well known and I would have been reluctant to rule anything out until at least the second stage had ended.

Max nodded and stroked his chin in thought, scratching at the neatly groomed goatee peppered with gray hairs. "We will still watch then. I also think that we should be watchful of…" he sighs and looks to me. "...their safety, Eric. Erudite is an ally but...I don't trust them."

I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. This was new. Max had never voiced his doubts or distrust of Erudite before. What is causing this?

"I would have to say Sir, that is prudent. I am curious as to why their safety would be a concern other than the normal reasons in the compound? Or….your current doubts for that matter?" I am pushing it I know. The last time I questioned him it didn't go so well.

I am prepared for him not to answer me at all but he holds my eyes for a few minutes before he utters five words. "Amar Salazar and George Wu." His tone is angry and forceful as he gets out the two names of former Dauntless members. One of the names sends pain running through me. "Neither were or could be proven and when it was refused to just hand them over…"

I nod, my lips thinned. "They were found in the Chasm, suicides."

He nods slowly. "We both know that there was no way either of those men took their lives. George was before your time but I know you read the files. Something happened Eric and it wasn't by Dauntless order or authorization. It is not out of the realm of possibility that would happen again, unless we ensure it doesn't. I have other reasons and suspicions but until they can be proven I will keep those to myself. For now we make sure no one, especially those two, are handed over. Not until we know more."

I don't bother hiding the anger I am feeling at the thought of anything happening to Kat. I let him think it is purely in regards to being superseded by Erudite. "Then we will do so. I will...personally...make sure of it."

Max pauses a second and then a brief smirk tilts his lips as his eyes narrow. "I am sure you will at that, Eric."

I don't get a chance to respond or wonder at his reaction because all attention is turned to an uproar coming from the Pit. Loud and clear cheering, shouts and clapping can be heard. As well as stomping of feet. All heads turn towards the entryway to the dining hall, silence having descended in the room. Then two figures enter, one that simultaneously has my heart stopping and stomach flipping.

Kat stands in the doorway along with a sheepish looking Peter that locks eyes with me as if to say he didn't have a choice. Then my eyes go right back to her; standing as straight as she can, pale and beautiful, pain I can see behind the eyes even as I watch a flush creep along her skin.

"By gods will you look at that." Max mutters and I can hear a grin splitting his face. "I thought she couldn't move?"

I sigh in complete exasperation before I can reign it in. "Apparently, I was wrong on the time estimate and the amount of stubbornness she has."

Then the dining hall erupts into the same cheering, stomping and general celebration. It is clear that not only has her role in the attack circulated but she is being lauded. Even if I know more than most of the people could care less and might actually be unhappy I was one of the ones saved by her actions. It was the actions themselves that mattered here.

Then I lose sight of her completely as she hit from behind by the four figures of her friends and sister as they bolt from a table they were at. I am up and scowling before I realize it only to be stopped by Max with a firm hand as he pushes me back forcefully and a shake of his head. "I believe Chase and Zach have this?"

I look back and sure enough Chase and Zach have raced over there and are almost throwing the four initiates off of Kat with scowls on their faces. Chase reaches down and lifts her up then loses his scowl and begins laughing when she comes up doing the same.

"She is a strong girl it seems." Max sighs and shakes his head. "Careful Eric." He mutters, very pointedly, then lets me go. "Go see to your initiates. We still have a statement to get from her. I believe your office will be suitable. I also expect her to return to the dorm for the night."

His orders and implications are clear. With a tight nod I move to join the group. I get scowls from several members as I approach the initiates. I hear murmurs of 'leave her alone' or 'you're lucky, I woulda' let ya…' insert random insult.

I take a breath and steel myself as I get closer. My eyes moving over her to assess what her condition might be. She is moving stiffly and slowly. As if every movement is an act of will and requiring great effort.

"Initiate, I thought it would be clear you were to _stay put_ until told otherwise." I grind out trying not to let the frustration out on her.

She at least looks a little contrite and nods. "I am sorry, Sir. I really wasn't sure and more than a little confused. I saw the time and...I just know the stance on not being part of any training exercise and couldn't take the risk."

A growl starts to bubble from me but Chase clears his throat.

"Be that as it may, Kat, we are going to need you to come with us. There are questions we need to ask you now that you are awake." I say and put a hand on her arm and try to be as gentle as possible, also trying to help support her.

Lynn looks to me for a moment and I can see knowing flash in her eyes, making me wonder what Kat has told her friend or all of them. Judging by Uri's scowl at me and Mar's worried look I don't think she has said anything to at least those two.

"I want to go with her...please...Sir?" Tris at first spits this out as a demand but then tones down her demeanor and adds more respect at the end.

I shake my head tightly. "Not for the questioning."

Tris sighs and looks to Kat for a moment. "I will be there as soon as I am allowed, Kat. I promise I won't leave you alone."

Kat smiles at her sister reassuringly and nods. "Not if I see you first and in training."

"Kat..." All four of them start to object worriedly.

"Enough." I bark out, my anger not being able to be held in at the certainty she is going to fucking insist on training. "Let's go." I am pulling her along and away from them, mumbling about stubbornness while Chase and Zach bring up the rear.

The mutterings and shouts continue in the Pit when they see me, scowl in full force, dragging Kat along with me. Well, it looks like I am dragging her but I am supporting as much of her weight as she will allow me.

A glance over to Kat and I see she is scowling slightly and grumbling. I can't catch what she is saying or muttering until we get to some of the quieter hallways. Then I catch things coming from under her breath like: 'I will remember that you redheaded buffoon; Let him rot my ass you eraser-head looking jackass'.

I almost break into laughter but instead just shake my head with a sigh. There is so much worse on the horizon than what she just experienced. Being friends with me would be bad enough...when it is found out we are more….

I don't even want to think of that right now. Instead I quickly input the code to my office and get her inside. She groans as I lead her to a chair and help her to lower herself down. Chase and Zach enter right behind and close the door.

"How are you feeling truthfully Kat. It is important because we need to know how what you were hit with might be attacking your system still." Zach started out as soon as he entered the room.

"What was I hit with? Weren't they just those neurostim darts?" She avoids answering but I can tell she is also needing to know what happened as much as she needs to take time to answer.

I take one of the darts out of a vest pocket I had it in. For some reason needing to carry it. Maybe to remind me of what she did for me or what I was going to do to make them pay...I couldn't really say why.

I hold it up but point out the needle. "Do you see the difference in what you were armed with last night and what I am holding?"

Kat bites her lip and holds out her hand in question. I hesitate for a moment but then put it in her hand. "Is this one I was hit with?"

"Yes." I reply with a clenched jaw. "I pulled that from where it was embedded in your leg. You had two of them in your legs and eight regular ones all along your back. A few were even lodged directly into your spine."

She nods and eyes the needle before looking back to me, then holds the dart out. I quickly take it back and pocket it. "The needle is at least doubled in size. It would have penetrated much more deeply and it even has a slightly wider barb on it, making it more painful to remove. I am also guessing it makes it more efficient in injecting whatever liquid it is equipped with as well. Makes sense because the vial looks to have double the amount of liquid the other darts have too. It would need to be able to release more and in a shorter amount of time before it could be removed. Otherwise it wouldn't have maximum effect."

"That is...pretty fucking dead accurate, kitten. It also wasn't the same liquid that Dauntless uses." My hands clench into fists and I take measured breaths.

"What is it?" Her tone is completely calm as she holds my eyes and asks this.

I can't even handle putting it out there. We had talked about telling her the truth but that would mean we would need to bring up her divergence. Stage two starts in four days but I can't bring myself to confront that before then. I think she trusts me enough. I hope she does but in case she doesn't I want to give us time to show her that she can absolutely trust me. We still aren't sure she even knows and aren't sure if telling her in case she doesn't is a good idea.

Zach takes a breath and takes over. "It is a serum that is designed to attack and can destroy the nervous system, princess. We think that because the ones in your legs didn't go as deep that it isn't as bad as it could be. Had it been in your spine or left in for a longer period of time…" Zach stops and looks away, unable to continue with the lie so I suck it up and continue.

"We think that because of that the serum will work it's way out of your system completely. Until then...you may experience….things…"

She nods and sighs as she looks down. "Like I am being electrocuted while at the same time sandpaper is being run over my skin. Like even the air on my skin is setting it on fire not to mention wearing clothes."

"How often have these happened since you woke up, Kat?" Chase asked in a pained voice.

"At least every couple of minutes. They are getting further away and I feel like I am slowly being able to handle it. The first ones took me by surprise and I couldn't figure out what was happening. It was all over those times but now it moves and will center around a certain area. Mostly my spine...which is weird because...I just got the regular darts there...right?"

I nod and clench my jaw as I answer. "Four darts in the spine." Her eyes are narrowed at me and only years of being trained plus having Chase and Zach to coach me keep me able to tell the truth without letting my body betray the evasion.

"Ok. So how long will it take to go away?"

"We hope no more than a few weeks." Again it is Zach helping Chase and I out in this explanation.

"But there is a chance it will be more." Another observation and deduction on her part. Not a question.

"Kitten, there is the chance it could be…" I stop and close my eyes "Fuck, it could be permanent."

She pales slightly as her eyes widen. Her lip trembles a little but she squares her shoulders. "Am I going to be...does this mean I have to leave?"

My jaw drops and I lean forward. "What the fuck? Why would you think that?"

"Because...I will be weakened. It is a weakness and disability….and Dauntless can't.."

I am up and out of my chair in a blink as I cross over to her and grip her chin in my hand. "Are you going to _let_ it be a weakness Mary Katherine?" I bark out harshly using her Abnegation name on purpose. "Are you going to _let_ it control you, _let_ it take over your life or _let_ it make you weaker? Because if that is the case I can walk you out of the gate right fucking now." I soften my tone and scowl. "Or you going to be the warrior I _know_ you are and not let it take a fucking thing from you?"

Her eyes are charged with fire turning that golden color I love so much and her back stiffens as they bore into mine. "It won't win. _They_ won't win. No, I won't let it make me weaker."

"Then fucking remember that, Kat. Anytime it feels like you aren't able to carry on, when it gets bad, remember that and this. I believe in you, we believe in you. If I didn't, you _know_ I would be the first one telling you it would be better for all if you left now."

That's a fucking lie. I would kill some assholes to keep her here by my side. But she didn't need to hear that and I knew it wasn't necessary. It would never come to that with her. She will fight with everything she has, until her last breath, and won't let this or anything else beat her.

"I will Eric." She promises me softly, the fire still there but also a smile lighting her eyes.

I let her chin go and lean back against my desk after I stand. "Good." I sigh and look at my watch then run a hand through my hair. "Ok, we don't have long but I do need to ask you a few questions. Do you remember the attack and what happened?"

She nods with her lips thinned and the fire back. "I was going back and forth in covering our sides as I came up behind you and Peter. Something was nagging at me. I don't know why but I felt the need to also cover the back, even though I knew Dante and Edward had it. I did this once just before we were spotted and they looked like they had it covered so I turned back. Just as I did though I caught a flash of something. The blackness was darker and moving in a few spots. Then there was a brief flash of something. It reminded me of when you came into the dorm, a light flashed off your gauges and caught the metal in just the right light to make it shine. I didn't have a chance to call it out to Dante or Edward before the group of men rushed in. They had it though and I had started to fire just bare seconds before them. I saw a few go down I think but that nagging was back and it got stronger. I heard the shouts from Four's group and somehow I knew they were coming to help but...I felt urgent. I shouldn't have lost focus from covering the sides in the first place. Maybe I would have seen them before and they wouldn't have gotten so close. I didn't have time to return fire or do anything other than...stop what I knew they were wanting to do. Their focus was on you, I could tell because even though I was front and center to you they took aim at you. I had a second to think but I was already moving."

"Kat…" I say her name in a release of air, my voice husky and awed. It takes every bit of my control to keep myself in lock down. To stop myself from saying fuck it to everything I made a promise to myself in regards to us.

But seriously, fuck it. I don't care. Not after what she did last night. Not after thinking I almost lost her. Not after seeing just how strong my woman is in fighting through unimaginable pain and still sitting here willing to put herself through more.

Chase must read something in my expression because he clears his throat, rises and looks to Zach.

"I need to go make sure my group is awake and that Lauren got them sorted. If you are insisting on training today Kat, which I know you will, take it easy at least. You don't have to prove shit and we don't want you hurting yourself more." Chase warns her then places a kiss to the top of her head.

"I expect you at lunch, princess. We need to give you more medication for the muscle and nerve spasms." Zach repeats the kiss to her head and they are gone.

It is quiet for a few minutes before I sigh and hold out my hand. "We need to get going too."

Kat nods and takes the hand I offer her, letting me pull her up and then along with me. We get to the door and the urge to hold her before we have to go out there and play like we don't mean shit to each other, hits me hard.

I carefully pull her in my arms and spin her so that her back is against the door. Her arms circled my waist tightly and she gives a slight gasp. I start out just holding her close to my chest, running my hands up and down her back. My lips grazing along her temple down to her jaw, still debating giving in and claiming a kiss. One hand moves to her neck and cups the back of her head, tilting it back, while the other is still running up and down her back slowly.

The whole time she is giving soft gasps and moans while I am still waging an internal battle with my control. It isn't until I see her face, strained pain warring with pleasure, that the tone of those gasps and moans register for me.

My forehead furrows and I frown as I stroke her cheek and make her look at me. "Kitten, are you in pain right now?"

She bites her lower lip and then shakes her head a little too vigorously. "No."

I stiffen and scowl at her. "Don't lie to me, Kat. You said you trusted me, so tell the truth."

I pass my hand down her back again and that look of strained pain crosses her face, causing her to bite her lip to keep in the gasp. Then it hits me, not only is she in pain, but me touching her is giving her pain. I step back as if I have been burned, my face going blank with the anger and hurt I feel.

"Eric…" She cries out, her eyes filling with tears and reaches for me.

I clench my jaw, catch her hand and shake my head. I take a few minutes to calm myself. "It's time we head to training." My tone is flat and emotionless.

The tears spill over in her eyes and she looks down. I step forward, a hand out to wipe away the tears but then remember what that would do, and pull my hand back quickly. A small sob racks her shoulders but she reaches out to wipe her tears away.

"You're never going to touch me again, are you?" It is a strained whisper, as if she was meaning to say it only in her mind. There is such pain in her voice that it feels like something is breaking inside of me.

I don't answer because I can't. No matter how much I want to reassure her that this wouldn't stop me, or us...the thought of me causing her more pain prevents me from speaking a lie.

"We'll figure out what is going on. I promise." I finally get out in a strained reply.

Without looking at me, she nods and turns to open the door. Letting her walk out of that door is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I am just a few feet in front of her as we walk to the training room, but it feels like I have never been farther away from her than right now.


	33. Fire In My Bones, Steel In My Spine

**A/N: Long days are long but I just might get this chapter and maybe another before I call the end to mine. Again thanks for all the love, views, reviews, favorites and follows.**

 **Disclaimer:** ** _"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten" [George Carlin]_** **V Roth own the universe in which I am having Eric strong arm his way through! ;) Enjoy ya'll!**

 **Chapter 33 - Fire In My Bones, Steel In My Spine**

 _Kat_

I try not to feel hurt as I walk to the training room. I am not successful in the least but I try. Just when it felt like there might be more, that Eric and I were moving towards something more and even closer especially after the attack, it all gets snatched away.

He won't touch me again and I know it. Not if he knows that it could cause me pain. When I first realized this all I could feel was so fucking hurt and lost. Now as we walk down the hallways I can feel my fury building. Maybe I am just feeding off what I feel and see Eric building up to but I don't think so.

My mind is whirling with who to blame for this. I know who my guess is that launched the attack even though they didn't say it. Who else but the factionless? By the time we enter the training room I have a plan and a fire to see it through. Someone was going to pay for this. Not only going after Eric but taking him away from me.

The first step in my plan, corner Four and arrange to serve that punishment that has been put off by one thing or another.

*****Page Break*****

Training consists of knife target practice. It is apparent to everyone there that Eric is in a foul mood. The intensity of it even catches Four off guard. Then there is my own that I can't and don't bother to hide.

Even Christina remarks on it and for once not in a catty or passive aggressive manner but almost worriedly. Tris, of course, is sending me looks of question and I am sure making assumptions that it is directed at Eric or caused by him. I can't even bother to correct her I am just that caught up in my anger.

Then there is dealing with the physical aftermath of the attack. Misery is the only word I can describe what I am going through.

I am struggling during knife throwing. My body doesn't want to easily do what I am demanding of it. I push harder to make up for it. Knife throwing is mostly mental but it does require stamina, flexibility, and strength. All things my body is not quite up to handling at this time.

I am determined that my aim won't be affected so it takes double the effort as normal. By the time I have gone through the first two sets of knives, my skin is pale and a cold sweat is breaking out. I take a few moments to stop the shaking in my arms and fingers. I notice pinpricks of pain that are running in my fingers. As if my hand fell asleep and is waking up. Not at all a pleasant experience. My jaw is clenched to batten down any outward showing of the pain I am feeling.

"That's enough, Initiate." Eric's voice, hard and cold, comes from behind me. "Go help Allison and Sally with their stance."

I turned and faced him, knives clutched in my hand tightly. For a second I saw what he was really feeling behind all that anger and my heart did a little flip at it. I saw pain and longing...for me?

" _Sir_." I say lowly and in the tone I have used a few times before, then I give a nod to him.

His lips twitch a little and nods back then turns abruptly and stalks off, yelling at others along the way. I spend the rest of the time helping out Allison, Sally and Mayra. Even Christina asks if I could help her along with Tris. My sister has been trying to talk Al through it but that didn't work out well at all.

Eric had been on all of us hard, his anger bubbling over onto us. Al got the worst of it until Tris let her need to protect step in. To Eric's credit he hesitated for a second before he did what I knew he felt was needed and I could see the battle waging in him. There was something in me that had the anger softening just a little when I realized the only reason he was hesitating was because of who she is to me. But it lasted only a second; a hesitation that barely registered as such and no one but those that knew him would have ever known it for that.

I was torn too. On one hand I understood exactly what drove Tris to stand up to Eric and felt partly like I would have as well. If I didn't absolutely think Al needed to go that is. But that was the problem. Al needed out. He shouldn't be here at all and wasn't willing to try.

Tris had points on what she said about bullying but while his tone and attitude came off as him doing this as some kind of power play or bullying, it wasn't. Was he being an absolute dick about it? Yes, he absolutely was. He was letting his anger at other events get to him and I hated that I knew I was at the root of it.

Watching my sister stand in front of the target while Four threw knives at her caused pride in me as well as guilt. Then I felt anger when I saw Four and Eric bring their own issues into this. Eric's taunting of Four pushed him to go further until Four decided he needed to leave a lasting mark on my sister. Eric was pushing him to do it, most likely thinking he wouldn't, and Four knew this but still let it goad him. Those two seriously needed to get their shit together.

We were dismissed for lunch and I bolted as fast as my body would let me. I needed to leave everyone behind and find someplace to be alone and calm down. The people around me weren't the ones responsible for my current predicament and I needed to remember that.

*****Page Break*****

I am slumped against a wall in a hallway I thought out of the way enough. Turns out this particular one just happened to be near the fucking leaders offices and control room. I have my knees pulled up to my chest and my head buried in my arms over my knees, so I don't see when someone approaches me.

It is only when I feel them sliding down the wall to sit beside me that I realize they are there. I raise my head and look over to see the face of Four, holding out a water and a sandwich to me.

I frown at him and the food, causing him to sigh. "Just take it please. I don't want to argue you with about this."

I can hear the worry and strain in his voice. Considering what I was going to ask or demand of him, I knew I needed to not get him all riled up. With a nod I take it. "Thanks." I reply simply and take a drink of the water first.

It occurs to me, after I have gulped down half the bottle, that I haven't eaten or drank anything since dinner yesterday. I tear into the sandwich with relish and sigh in relief at filling my very empty stomach.

Four let's me eat in peace, an amused expression on his face while he watches me. When I am finished and sipping on the water he clears his throat and looks over to me.

"What were you thinking, Katie?" His dark blue eyes pierce me. "What have you been thinking since you stepped foot into Dauntless? I just...do you _not_ realize what bad fucking news he is? You need to be keeping far away from him."

So much floods me at this. Anger is the main thing. I take long slow breaths and look away from him, my hands clutched around the bottle of water. "God damn Tobias. Do you know how easily you piss me off? I...I don't even know where to fucking start!"

He scowls at me and huffs. "You aren't exactly a peach to deal with yourself. But just so I know, what exactly have I done now?"

"For starters, you know I hate that fucking name. I will thank you to not use it again. Kat or nothing." I spear him with a glare, not speaking and not backing down.

His lips thin and he nods. "Fine...Kat."

I take a moment to calm myself. "Is it just because I did what I did, or because of who I did it for?"

It takes him a minute to answer and he takes a breath. "Both, but...one more than the other."

I smirk without humor. "And the one that is more….is that I put myself at risk for someone _you_ think I shouldn't have."

"It isn't like I am alone in that." He hissed out.

"Maybe that is what is wrong with the faction, Four. All those times you were bitching and moaning about how things are so bad or not what we thought they would be; but you are just as much part of the issue as the others." I hiss out as well, trying to keep our voices low but I can tell it is about to get ugly fast.

"Oh really? What am I supposed to do then, Kat? How exactly can I change things when I…"

He trails off when he sees a knowing and wicked smirk cross my face.

"When you have no power? When you have no say in how things are run? You mean like a Leader would right? Someone that could make a difference. Someone that would and should fight to make things right." My tone is all smugness. These are things we had been arguing about for years before two years ago, about the time he began his secret relationship with Tris coincidentally, he stopped visiting me as much.

He jumps up and starts to pace, running a hand through his hair. "You are so fucking naive, Mary Katherine. You don't know the way things really work. You know nothing about the kind of corruption that I would be fighting against and in the end what good would it do?"

Now I am standing and stalked to up to him. "I know _nothing_ of corruption? Are fucking kidding me right now? Do you have selective fucking memory?" I slam my hands against his chest, pushing him back in my anger. "I know first hand what fighting against it will get me. I found out the hard way or are you forgetting what happened that day when…"

I trail off, my nostrils flaring in my anger, shaking my head. "You have _no_ right to go there with the argument, Four. I fought for _you_ and against corruption right at our front door. I put myself on the line and tried to get you help. I thought he was going to kill you, Tobias. But what did you do when it came down to it? When the elders were there...my fucking _father_ ,Tobias….what did _you_ do? No matter that it got me nothing but pain and the loss of a friend…." my voice breaks "...I would do it again. No matter that my father wouldn't look at me without his eyes being filled with disappointment for months afterwards...I _still_ would have done it. Because you were my friend and I needed to protect you."

"I….I'm sorry Kat. I know...god, I know I fucked up back then. I am trying and have been trying to make it right since then." His own voice breaks and he goes to reach for me but I jerk away, shaking my head.

"It isn't that simple and you know it. There was so much more...there _is_ so much more now that is between us." I square my shoulders and lift my chin. "But if you are serious...about making it up. Then you can start by doing me a favor. One that I think you want just as much as I do right now. No matter that you could care less he was the target. The attack is still against what we both believe."

He catches on and his lips thin. At first I think he is going to refuse, he is that quiet for so long. "Fine. You still owe me a punishment. After dinner tomorrow. I will inform Max so that no one can interfere."

He spits that out and I know he is referring to Eric. I nod and try not to show my pleasure at how easy it was to get him to go along with this.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself, Kat. The only reason I am not putting up more of a fight about this is she was already wanting me to bring you to her and I want answers just as much as you do." His tone is bordering on amused and annoyed.

"I really need to work on my poker face." I mumble.

He gives me a small strained smile and looks at his watch. "I was informed that if I saw you I was to send you to the clinic."

I groan and sigh as I close my eyes. I totally forgot I was supposed to see Zach at lunch time. Now I feel guilty for worrying him most likely. I nod to Four and turn to head there, he walks part of the way with me but then disappears at some point. I roll my eyes and continue on without him.

Zach is the only one waiting in the clinic for me. We don't talk more than him assuring me they were going to work on finding more answers. I am not sure what Eric told them but at least Zach didn't seem as hesitant to give me a friendly hug before we left the room I had been led to.

Of course I had refused any heavy pain medications. The muscle relaxer that Shauna wanted to give me was tossed out before the words left her mouth. I grilled her extensively on the nerve pills and injection she wanted to give me. Zach and I bargained back and forth, and argued, before I agreed to at least try the injections designed to help with the nerve ending misfirings that I reported earlier. At some of the possible side effects she listed I had immediately written it off. It had taken Zach and Shauna both promising if I felt a hint of the concerning ones, like extreme drowsiness or mind clouding, then I could stop right away. Twice a day I had to take pills but because of the type they are I could not be given them to hold. They had to go to an instructor or leader. Guess who was given the medications to hold for me.

Zach had shrugged with a smug smile knowing that while he and Chase were more lenient and could be pushovers when it came to this subject...Eric was not going to be.

He walked me back to the training room before he headed off back to the offices to resume his work. There was an investigation being opened on the attack and he was part of the team working it. That was about all he would tell me, or could tell me.


	34. Stubborn They Name Is

**A/N: A little more heat ya.**

 **Chapter 34 - Stubborn Thy Name Is**

 _Kat_

"Where did you go to at lunch?" Tris asked me and pulled me to her by my arm.

I tried not to wince at the action because I saw Eric across the room watching closely. His jaw and body tensed. I looked away and back to Tris with a shrug. "I just needed to, I don't know, think. So much has been happening from the moment we got here and I was feeling angry. You know how I am about that." I answer honestly.

She sighs with a nod. "I always envied that about you a little you know. How you seemed to be able to let things go so easily."

I huff as we walk to the area where the targets are set up still. "It was and is never easy but that is why I preferred to be alone when I got angry. If I am left alone I can reason out my anger. Figure out if I am just being stupid and emotional about something that I shouldn't be or if it is worth it to be so angry about. If I am pushed though.."

I trail off and she laughs in memory. I smile at what I know she is thinking about. "The scandal we caused when I kept nagging at you as we walked home from school that day. I couldn't have been more than eight and you were seven? I just could _not_ let whatever it was go, even though you kept asking me to. Begging me even. Then you just...snapped...and we went to the ground in a tangle of limbs wrestling each other. I am sure those Amity women thought we were possessed or something."

Will, Al and Christina were beside us while we were talking. Al looked horrified between the two of us while Will and even Christina were laughing a little.

"I thought my sister and I were bad about fighting." Christina smiled a little sadly.

Will just shrugged. "Cara and I never physically fought but we had heated debates. She was always urging me to 'question everything', to 'not just accept something as fact' because someone said so. I think that is why she was top of her class and is so successful now."

I smiled at Will as he talked about his sister. Over the last couple of weeks when he had been hanging out with us he had told me a few stories about his sister. I had to admit that from what he had told me she sounded brilliant and like a great person. I knew he was positive she would be here on visiting day to show her support of him and his decision.

I lost my smile when the reminder of that day came to mind. There was very little chance that either of our parents would be coming on that day.

As if she sensed my line of thought, Tris squeezed my hand and gave me a sad smile. Four called us all back to our target practice. Feeling better physically, I went back to my own and passed the rest of the time loosing myself in the exercise.

At dinner, where Eric, Zach and Chase had all joined our table and I somehow ended up next to Eric, I started to notice the pain of touch is still there but not as bad. I also notice that my sense of touch is more enhanced. The brush of my arm against the table, or my fingers running through my own hair, little inconsequential touches against my skin seem to be amplified.

At first it is more uncomfortable than anything. There are still the moments of pain and now that they are calmed I can tell it is from the nerve endings being overstimulated. This causes other odd things in me to happen, like losing my grip on things or fumbling a little after the sensitivity gets to be too much.

I get quiet at dinner as I try to process this and just deal with it. Overall the whole thing is leaving me exhausted. So I do something I think might actually be a cardinal sin here in Dauntless, I decide to go to bed early.

Eric was very careful about keeping enough distance that he wouldn't be touching me in any way. Somewhere along the way that had dissolved and now his leg was being firmly pressed against mine. If I thought being touched by him or just being near him had sent my body careening through a whirlpool before, this new found sensitivity kicked it into overdrive.

By the end of dinner while everyone was eating cake, I was a barely restrained quivering mess of whimpers.

Eric's elbow nudged me as I tiredly plunged my fork into my cake. I looked up to him and he had a raised eyebrow looking at me.

I shrugged and looked over my friends. Tris had decided to sit with Christina, Will and Al tonight. I think once she realized Eric was going to be at the table she couldn't stomach sitting down with the man she believed was torturing me and had caused me to suffer so much.

"I think I am going to head to bed. I know, I know...cardinal fucking sin to go to bed before the sun sets. But seeing as I don't actually get to see the sun or the sky at all anymore, I am going to call this day good and take my sorry ass to bed then go comatose."

"Ok, Kat. Hell, I was wondering when you were going to stop being such a stubborn ass and take a rest." Uri grumbled out and slumped with relief at my proclamation.

"Not a stubborn ass." I grumbled moodily back and stab the cake a few more times.

There are snickers around the table and Lynn whisks my plate of cake away from me. "That is cake abuse. And you, Kat, are the Queen of the Asses Stubborn."

I chuckle a little at that. "What is that like...my own personal band of knights?"

"Sure is...the Knights of Assland; Realm of the stubborn and hardheaded." Uri grins and steals half of the cake from Lynn.

"That must make you, Uriah, the court jackass...I mean...jester." I say with false sweetness.

More laughter at this and Eric pressing closer. That is about the limit and I rise tiredly. "Well, this queen is going to head to her boudoir and pass the fuck out."

"I'll walk ya since Uri has stolen all the cake anyways." Lynn scowls at Uri who just shoveled a mouthful in, and stood up with me.

"Bye guys" I say with a tired wave to everyone. I barely catch the way Eric looked to me before looking away and down to his plate. He was struggling, maybe as much as I was. It didn't make me feel better though.

We walked out of the dining hall in silence but Lynn was brooding. I gave her a tired look and sighed. "Go ahead Lynn."

She refused to look at me, just staring straight ahead, her face stoic. "You're my best friend. Did you know that?" Her voice is low enough for me to hear it but not quite a whisper. She didn't let me answer. "Before, I would have said it was Mar, but considering certain things I have always been the third wheel. From the start though, I knew you were going to be my best friend."

I give her a smile when she pauses for a second and she holds up a hand to stop me from speaking. "I _am_ proud of how you handled yourself. Proud of your actions….but I swear to god Kat if you ever get yourself killed or hurt like that again...I will bring your ass back so I can kill you myself."

I chuckle a little as she lunges and pulls me to her in a pretty damn bone crushing hug.

"Oh fuck, Lynn, goddammit. I love you too but...could you please maybe…" I gasp before she lets me go, her forehead all scrunched up in worry.

"Should we go to the clinic and…"

I shake my head vigorously. "No. I am good, it will pass. I just need to get some sleep."

She stares me down for a minute before muttering "Yes, my queen." and then turning with me to stalk her way beside me to the dorm room. "Have you gotten to read much of those books I left you?"

She asks me with a smirk on her face while I blush and clear my throat. "Umm...a few here and there. Not exactly had much time to be honest. I was thinking of reading another one after getting a shower."

She nods thoughtfully. "So...what is going on with you two then?"

I sigh wearily when we get to the dorm room finally. "Nothing..other than maybe we might have been going somewhere but now…"

I trail off and she frowns. "Now what?"

"Now I will be lucky if he shakes my hand." I mutter as she sits on my bed and I go to my trunk and start pulling out clothes to change into. Then I get clothes to lay out for the next day. She quirks an eyebrow at me as if to say 'explain'. "Did Shauna tell you what happened to me? I mean, what is going on with me?"

She sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and nodded. "She isn't supposed to but because she knows how close we are…"

She trails off and I nod with a small smile. "Well she probably didn't tell you because she might not know but I have something happening. When I am touched, by anyone or anything...I...I have pain."

She pales and a hand goes over her mouth. "Oh my god, Kat. Does leadership know?"

She got my worry immediately. The same one I had in the office with Eric, Chase and Zach.

"Eric, Chase and Zach know. But Eric just gave me a speech saying that it would only affect me if I let it and was I going to let it win or not. He said..that he...they...believed in me."

She lets out a relieved and disbelieving breath for a moment. "Wow. I mean that is great..it's just. I never would have thought Eric...but then again it makes sense with how he has been."

I frown and shake my head. "I don't understand what that means but it doesn't even matter. Once he realized what was going on...god you should have seen how fast he jumped back from me. Like I was poisonous to him or something."

"You don't really believe that is why though, do you?" She scoffs at me.

I sigh and sink down on the bed beside her. "No. I think that he is determined to not see me hurt if he can help it."

She quirks a smile and then laughs heartily. "You two are seriously...just all kinds of…"

I look at her with my lips twitching. "I know it is kind of ironic considering the whole, him trying to beat lessons into me."

She shrugs and winks at me then gets serious. "Did they say this is going to be permanent though?"

I nod. "There is a chance but already things are changing...getting better. Before the pain was pretty constant but now it comes and goes. The odd thing is that...well...while there isn't pain it feels like I am super sensitive to anything against my skin. Like picking things up I can feel each detail and texture, or the slightest change of temperature against my skin."

I sigh and throw myself back on my bed, remembering Eric's leg pressed against mine.

"And those are bad things?" Lynn asked with a blush and wide eyes.

"It is when you can't do shit about it." I growl out causing her to laugh.

"So tell him. If he knows you aren't in pain anymore, maybe even the change that is happening…" She trails off as I look at her and waggles her eyebrows at me playfully.

I break out into laughter, turning red. "Maybe. I don't know if I can...or if he even wants to.."

She sighs and shakes her head. "Well you already know my opinion on all of that so I won't preach any more. Just take the night and rest. You have had a couple of pretty messed up days."

I laugh at the understatement and nod. With a groan she helps me sit up, gives me a hug and then goes on her way for the night.

I am grateful that the dorm room is empty. It allows me to get showered without the usual shy shuffle where Tris and I try to cover each other while we hurriedly bathe. It makes me long for that shower I had at Eric's apartment. Not just for the absolute luxury even his simple bathroom provided compared to what had been at home or here, but for the safety I had felt. Knowing that I could shower in peace and nothing was going to fuck with me there.

I was also loving the time to not have to see the other girls practically parading around in various states of nudity. It wasn't that I thought they shouldn't or that there was anything wrong with it. No, why I minded was the absolute reminder of just how much I lacked in so many areas as a woman.

I shook my head under the shower spray, shaking away the bad thoughts and knowing there wasn't anything I could do to change that. Stepping out of the shower, I wrap myself tightly in a towel and begin to use the lotions and moisturizers that Mar and Lynn bought me. I have my hair piled into a wet messy bun at the top of my head and am allowing myself to air dry under the towel before I put my pajamas on.

"Fuck." I mutter out loud when I remember that I left them lying on my bed when I had taken out the book I was going to read myself to sleep with.

Grabbing my bag of toiletries, I step out of the bathroom and into the dorm area, then give a startled gasp when I notice someone standing beside my bed.

"Shit...you scared me Eric." I grumble, clutching my heart.

He doesn't say anything. Just stands there staring at me with a heated gaze, causing me to wriggle a little in the towel as if I could feel his eyes as they move over my body. As if it was his hands and not a gaze.

I can almost feel the heat of his body from the few feet he is in distance to me, pulling me closer as I take a few steps. My movement seems to break whatever trance he was under and he frowns then takes a step back.

He clears his throat. "I came to…." his voice is husky and deep, making goosebumps break out over my skin.

He has paused so long I can't help feel a little smug that he is apparently flustered right now. "You _came_?" I emphasize the last word but am already turning red as hell at my innuendo.

Eric's fists clench at his side and a low rumbling growl starts to bubble from him before it is cut off. He muttered something under his breath that I barely caught and sounded like 'fuckin wish'. A small smile tilts the corner of my lips.

"Jesus...could you...fuck will you get dressed, Kat? I can't…" He turns his head away with a scowl.

Why am I feeling pleasure at this? Why do I feel like dropping my towel right there all on the pretext of only doing what he just demanded of me?

I realize that my hands went to the towel to do just that when Eric huffs, turns from me and walks to the wall and faces it. Like he is some damn kid that was just put in timeout.

I bite my lip in embarrassment at what I was just about to do. What if I am reading this wrong? Maybe he is turning away because it would be like seeing a little sister. His reaction plus others….where he seems upset or scowls after moments like these...just reinforce my belief that there is no way he could really want me like that.

With a sigh I start to get dressed how I normally do. With the towel still wrapped around me, pulling my clothes up under or over it before I unwrap it from me. I had turned slightly away from him in doing so. After I am done I toss the towel at the end of my bed and sit down on it tiredly.

"Done."

He lets out a breath and I feel the bed dip beside me, causing me to look up at him. He is holding out his open hand and in it is a handful of pills. "Your last round of meds for the day." He said with a strained tone then handed me a water bottle I hadn't seen sitting on my bed.

"Oh." I say in realization that was the reason he came. "Thanks." I take the pills and pop them into my mouth before I take a sip of the water he gave me. Too tired and disappointed to even argue with him or worry about what was in them. I trusted him by now to know he wouldn't give me anything bad. Besides when they had kept me drugged up after the attack. But I think I could understand that. It might have been the only way.

He nodded with a sigh and raised his hand, then slowly and carefully, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers barely skimming over the skin of my ear but it was enough to send shivers down my spine.

"You should get your rest. I expect you at training the same time as always in the morning." He gets this all out as he holds my eyes and let's his finger graze along my jaw. Watching me closely for any sign of pain or discomfort.

There is no pain, only the heightened awareness and pleasure at even that small of a touch. "Ok Eric." I say, my voice breathy and breathless at the same time.

His eyes soften and I see a small amount of relief in them as his lips twitch. "Good girl." He says just before he leans in and presses his lips to my forehead. I melt into it but don't get time to really relish it. He pulled away and up before the warmth of those lips can sink into my senses.

He is walking away as I slide into the covers of the bed, the book clutched in my hand. He looks back at me over his shoulder once before he disappears through the doors to the dorm. The look alone sends shivers through me, that heated and charged gaze deepening the blue of his eyes.

I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. I lay back into the scratchy bedding and instead try to imagine myself back in Eric's bed. Wrapped in his arms, protected and warm. Cherished even.

I had meant to read but lost in the memory of that and other fantasies, I drift into a deep sleep.


	35. Maybe We're Not Meant To Be

**A/N: You know how much I love you guys? I love you guys sooooooo much...I am giving you an angst ridden chapter. :P I swear it isn't all angst. Promise...just doesn't feel like it right now. Ok..taking the rainy day to read, write and cuddle with my monster. So you might get another chapter drop! Enjoy ya'll.**

 **Chapter 35 - Maybe We're not Meant To Be**

 _Kat_

I wake gasping slightly, a hand over my stomach to keep in the churning that the nightmare induced in me. I hadn't had that particular nightmare in a while. Maybe it was due but I hated it all the same.

My eyes strained against the darkness that pervaded the dorm room. It looked like I had slept right through everyone coming in and getting ready for bed. My watch told me that it was still early, for Dauntless time. I am tucked in tighter than I remember laying down to bed in. The book that had been in my hand is gone, my trunk closed with my clothes back to being neatly on top of it. The towel from my shower was gone.

My lips turned up at the corners as I imagined Tris doing all of that when she had come in for the night. Those small gestures and shows of affection making me feel warm and like I have a bit of home again.

I lay there in the bed for several more minutes, trying to get myself to go back to sleep. I knew it wasn't going to happen. The dream had unsettled me too much and just being awake, being able to look over to where I could see the outline of Tris in her bed, helped. To see that she was ok and not really being…..

I close my eyes in pain and shake my head, reminding myself it isn't real and that I would never let it happen. Sleep isn't going to come again. I suck my bottom lip in between my teeth as a thought strikes me and before I can second guess myself I move to get up.

I dress quietly, not wanting to alert or wake anyone. I debate with myself but go ahead and make my bed before I head out of the door to the Pit.

There is an off chance I might be able to find Eric, Chase or Zach out there and I am going to take it. The Pit isn't crowded but it has lots of people milling around, drinking or dancing, being loud and filling the space with life.

I see Chase and Zach on a ledge sitting with their legs hanging off and passing a beer bottle. They look to be talking about something and relaxed for the most part. I head in their direction until something catches my attention behind them. At a makeshift bar sitting on a rock bench is Eric.

Eric with a girl between his legs who is running her hands up and down his chest. He turns his head from drinking out of a bottle and says something to her. Whatever it is has her giggling and then running a hand down to the front of his pants.

I am stunned and stop in my tracks, feeling like the ground is being pulled from underneath me. Then when I see him stand abruptly, grab her arm and practically drag her away...all I want is for it to swallow me up in it.

I wish I could be angry because then I wouldn't feel this hurt in my chest. I wish I could feel indifferent because then it wouldn't feel like my world just came crashing around me. I wish I could go back to a time when I never felt this way at all but then I wouldn't have felt as alive as I had when I was with Eric.

But I can't be angry because it made sense. Hadn't I always said there was no way he wouldn't want one of the women here over me? I can't put blame on him when he has never said anything to make me think we truly are anything but friends.

My pain, my tears, my hurt…..

The words to a song I had heard once with Lynn play in my head and I think I fully get it now.

My shoulders slump and I slowly turn to head out of the Pit. I let my feet carry me but don't notice where until I hear running footsteps behind me.

"Kat!" A deep worried voice rings out and stops me in my tracks. Chase.

I can't face him right now. It would be too hard and I can't make a fool of myself. Not more than I probably already have.

"I….I was just going to head back to bed…" I call out meekly.

I feel him behind me as he sighs. "I don't think the Dauntless-born training room has anything resembling a bed in it, sweetheart."

My head goes up to see the doors to the training room in front of me and I groan then sigh. "Fine, then I decided I needed a little workout. You should head back to the party. I will be fine."

"You know that isn't happening and we both know what you saw back there." His voice is tight with anger but I am not sure why.

"It doesn't matter. I mean, it only makes sense." I whisper and walk forward into the training room after opening the door.

"It does to you and whether you believe it or not it does to him too."

I shrug, not really believing it and not feeling like I have a right to care. Suddenly, the exhaustion comes over me again and I look to the side of the room before I move to slide down a wall and sit on the floor.

"It shouldn't and it can't. We are just friends...he said so himself."

"Did he say that exactly?"

I sigh and look to him as he slides down the wall next to me. "Chase, what do you want? I am trying here. I have no right to be upset or hurt. He...we...it could never happen even if he wanted to. Why would he anyways? I mean...fuck...did you see her? I don't have a chance compared to women like her."

His head thumps back against the wall, which had to fucking hurt considering it is stone, and he closes his eyes tightly. "He's a fucking idiot." He mutters before turning his head towards me and shaking his head. "And I am sorry sweetheart but you are kind of being an idiot right now too."

A frown turns to a scowl as I look at him. "How so?"

He chuckles a little. "You two just need to talk already, but he has his reasons for not doing it right now. This is as new to him as it is to you, Kat. Just because someone has been with someone physically doesn't mean that they are going to know the first thing about anything meaningful."

My face loses some of the scowl and I bow my head in thought. Processing what he is saying. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer to his side. His lips press to my head and he takes this big breath in before he sighs a little. It is quiet for a few minutes while he breathes in and I just struggle to breathe through the hurt.

"Just, think about that and don't….I don't know, I mean...I guess don't hold it against him? Fuck...I mean...it isn't like I like it anymore than you…"

"But I don't hold it against him, Chase. I'm not mad at him at all. I'm just….hurt and sad." I get out with tears stinging my eyes, interrupting him.

He nods against my hair and squeezes my shoulders before he tenses and pulls back to look at me, making me turn my head towards him. "Are you hurting right now? Eric said…"

I shake my head to stop him. "No, I think the meds are helping or maybe the serum has worked it's way out. I still have flares of pain but not as bad. They are manageable at least and don't last as long now."

He frowns and nods before he lets go of my chin and sighs. "That's good. Really good. Much faster than we anticipated." He murmured the last part. "Why don't you keep that to yourself for now. We don't want to report you are much better and then have something else happen. We will just wait the three weeks and go from there. Ok?" He looks at me with a stern expression. This isn't a request, this is an order.

I nod to him with a small smile. "Sounds good. I understand. Besides, tactical advantage and all that."

He smirks at me and nods. "You have to get back to the dorm though, sweetheart. Get some more rest. You will have your last fight tomorrow and it is the last of stage one."

"I know, hopefully I get matched against someone good so I can get better points."

He sighs and I can see the worry cross his face. "Yeah well, I am sure you will be." He stands quickly and pulls me up with him.

Wordlessly we go to the dorm. He cups my face once and gives me a smile before he ushers me in the doors, watching to make sure I go in. I shuffle my way to my bed but don't bother to get back into pajamas. I do unlace and remove my boots. I curl up against the wall at the head of my bed, not bothering to lay back down. I wasn't going to get back to sleep before the dream and I damn sure wasn't going to now.

In the dark, the weight of hurt presses on me and I let the silent tears fall as I bury my head in my arms on my knees. For the first time since we started them I dread the morning session with Eric, just as much as I dread when they will end.


	36. Your Arms Feel Like Home

**Disclaimer: I own naught but my own plot.**

 **Chapter 36 - Your Arms Feel Like Home**

 _Eric_

The spray of my shower can't wash away the absolute guilt and self-loathing I am feeling right now. Not even setting the thing to the hottest water can burn it away. Something is seriously fucking wrong with me. I knew it when I was letting that girl rub all over me. I knew it the moment I took her arm and dragged her off to her apartment. I knew it the entire time I was banging her from behind.

Something is wrong with me because not for a moment, not one single second of it, did I enjoy or even fucking want it. I hadn't the last time and I didn't this time either.

I felt like a bomb that was ready to explode but the only person with the codes was someone I couldn't have! I was pent up and trying not to explode on that same person and just fucking ruining it.

Halfway through, when her cries and squeals weren't doing anything other than annoying the hell out of me, I had made an attempt to continue. I clamped a hand over her mouth to shut her the hell up. It didn't work and if anything she got louder.

That had been the end of my attempt for me. I pulled away, pulled the condom off and tossed it in her trash on my way out while I was pulling my pants up. She had called out to me, doing a simpering pout. I barely got out I was done before I slammed her door behind me on the way out.

I felt like I was going to go crazy with how I was feeling. I had been oscillating between them all. Rage filled for so many reasons but none of them _at Kat,_ just for her...and me. Feeling so fucking hurt that even a simple touch from me right now was enough to possibly cause her pain, hurt that she was hurting at all.

I say possibly because after the encounter in the dorm I wasn't sure that was still the case. I had come so fucking close to taking her right there. It had taken everything in me not to. It hadn't been just from seeing her in that towel, her skin pink and glistening from the shower. Or her bare legs, shapely calves and the cutest fucking feet I have ever seen. Or her hair all piled up on her head, exposing her neck and shoulders along with the swell of her breasts….fuck.

No, while all that had me harder than fucking steel beams, it had been her returning my heated gaze. The way she had started to challenge me when I demanded she change, by being seconds from just dropping her towel right there!

I almost walked out. Instead I faced a wall like some little kid serving time out. Thinking about it I was in a self imposed time out. I needed that time to get myself under control and not go there. She would let me too, even if she would writhe in pain during it. That would kill me, to be getting any kind of pleasure while she was hurting at all.

There at the end though, it was almost like there was no pain at my testing touches. Not with the way she sighed and melted into me.

All I wanted was to scoop her up, take her to my apartment and keep her there with me. Having had her in my arms all night, sleeping beside me, had been the best feeling in the world. Having her in my arms, her arm wrapped tightly around me, had felt like home.

Leaving her had felt like descending into the darkness I had been in up until she came into my life. So I did what I know to combat it. I went to the fights, did a few rounds and sent a little business to the clinic. Then I hit the bar at the Pit and as usual after fights the bar flies came calling. It was going through motions that had become old years ago.

With a sigh I shut off the shower, towel off and pull on some boxers then debate going to bed. Sleep is nowhere in sight for me. I knew what I was contemplating. It was a stupid fucking idea, dangerous and completely out of my control to stop. Because as I stand there staring at the bed where she had been this morning, all I want is her in it beside me again.

That can't happen. That much I at least do realize. But I can go to the dorm. I can wake her up. I can take her somewhere we won't be seen. Then I can just...fuck..hold her again. I will take that. Maybe if she is just near me again, maybe that will satisfy this gnawing hunger I have for her.

It doesn't take me long to throw on the right clothes. Thinking about where I want to go and something she mentioned at dinner tonight...other than her little comment about her boudoir...I grab one of my bags and throw some things in it. Then I go to the kitchen and grab a few things from there.

There is still a good amount of activity in the Pit. It is dying off though as those that actually give a shit about their duties have realized they need more than a few hours sleep to operate fully.

I feel like I am sneaking into her room and trying not to get caught by her parents as I slip in the dorm room door. There is a faint light that comes from the open bathroom area that puts out just enough to see by. I start to make my way over to her bed and am surprised and concerned when I see her not curled up in bed but sitting up with her knees at her chest and her head down. I can't tell if she is or not, but it sounds almost like she is crying softly.

I am already crouching beside the bed when her head jerks up and she looks over in my direction. She gives a soft gasp and then moves her hands over her face hurriedly with a swiping motion. She is about to start speaking so I shake my head and mime for her to be quiet. Her boots are right by the side and I see she is fully dressed.

Something happened and it sends chills of dread down my spine but I ignore them. I hand her the boots and the jacket that was hanging at the end of her bed. Then I signal for the door, that I will be there.

She takes the boots but tilts her head. She is hesitating and debating. It takes a minute but she nods and goes to start putting on her boots. I rise and move quickly to the door and stand outside of it. On the way out, looking to the other to make sure no one was awake or stirring to see me enter or exit.

It doesn't take her much longer to come out. Her hair is down but she has the hood of the jacket pulled over her head, obscuring her face. With a frown I look around, grab her hand and then pull her along to one of the hidden paths near the dorm room.

Neither of us speak as we take several really dark and winding paths. Paths that would confuse anyone that didn't know them so well. It had been kind of a hobby of mine when I first got here, to map out as much of the compound as I could and learn its secrets. There were some really deep dark places and I knew almost all of them. It had come in handy a time or two and I had a feeling it would again soon.

I had to hold her close as we walked. With it being so dark and the pathways in such a terrible state, it would have been easy for her to get hurt. I probably didn't have to have her as close to my side as I did, but as soon as she came near something in me eased while another part just needed more.

It was a novelty that there was someone, a female specifically, that was walking with me with so much fucking trust. Not only that but also seemed to just melt into me as if there was nowhere else she would rather be at that moment than with me.

We finally start to climb up the stairs to get to the roof I decided to take her to and I feel her curiosity from beside me. When we get to the roof, I open the door with the code and let her out first.

She tilts her head up and inhales deeply then looks back to me over her shoulder with a smile. I feel myself smiling back automatically and move further out, then close the door behind me. "This is more than a little out of the way, but it is more private."

She nods and her forehead wrinkles with a frown for a moment before she looks away and becomes hidden under that hood again.

I walk further onto the roof and to this partially bricked in place where old air conditioning units used to be set up. Those had long ago been removed so only the three walls with no roof, remain. She follows me over and I let the bag that I brought drop and motion for her to have a seat as I plop down myself.

There is a hesitation again, slight but there. I still can't see her face and I am tempted to tear the fucking hood off her head. I don't though, even when she comes to sit beside me, leaving a space between us and pulls her knees up to her chest again.

There is silence for a moment as I put my head back against the wall and try to collect myself. The thing I had done earlier weighing on me even more with the guilt now that I was next to her. Asking myself how I thought even for a second that anything I did with those women would compare to what just being next to Kat felt like.

She breaks the silence with a sigh that has a smile behind it. "It's beautiful out tonight. It's a full moon."

She trails off happily, her sound soft. I swallow and nod. "I thought you might like to see it. At dinner you had said something about being outside."

"I didn't think I would miss it so much. Thank you."

A breeze whips around us and I see her shiver a little. The three walls protect us for the most part but it is still cold out. Opening the bag, I pull out the thermal blanket I brought and the thermos along with two cups.

"I um, I brought a blanket for us." I look over to her and sigh, the pointed space feeling like miles. A rift of my own creating. "You can have it." I start to drape it over her but she stops me.

"We...we can share." She has finally pushed the hood down and is looking at me, her head tilted and some kind of question in her eyes. I think I also know why she has been hiding her face. Her eyes are puffy and red ringed. As if she has been crying.

I nod numbly, a frown wrinkling my forehead and prepare to ask just what had made her cry but something screams at me from the back of my mind to stop. Telling me that I really don't want to go there. I think I know what had her crying. I just don't fucking know how she would know.

Then she is scooting closer, slowly as if approaching a wild animal, testing if I am going to move away or tell her no.

Instead I reach out and pull her closer to my side then put the blanket over the both of us. She gives a sigh and wraps an arm around my waist. My body's reaction is instant but I push that down and refuse to let that control things.

"I didn't bring pillows or anything." I mutter as we scoot down but I prop the bag, that has another blanket in it, under our heads.

She gives a shrug into my side. "I have slept without pillows and on the ground before. Doesn't bother me much. Honestly the dorm beds are kind of luxurious compared to how I had been sleeping for the last few years.

I wonder if she can feel my growl and deep frown because she starts making these soothing gestures on my chest with her hand. "It was all by choice, Eric. Like I said that first day it was a sacrifice I made knowingly."

The growl dies and I sigh, still not liking the thought even if I understood. "What was living in Abnegation like? Like, day to day. What was a day for you like? What were the people like?"

I felt her smile curling her lips against my chest even through my shirt. I don't even know when it happened but we had scooted all the way down to lay on the ground itself. I used the bag as a pillow and pulled her to use me as hers.

"It wasn't bad just extremely boring. The day started with breakfast with my family. One of us would prepare it. Every meal we always took turns in preparing but Tris and I tried to do breakfast at least, instead of our parents. Dad probably wasn't supposed to, but he liked to leave early enough to walk Mom to the volunteer center and help her there before he headed out to the Hub. It was nice seeing that, their small gestures of affection and caring. Small things that made her day just a little better and she did the same thing for him too. I tried to take a lesson from that and even when I could be so annoyed or angry at Tris, I would try and do things like that for her." I stopped looking at the sky and was looking at her face.

Her expression was full of love and remembrance. It filled me with longing for a time when I had something similar with my parents. Before they were…

 _No, can't remember that right now. And that isn't something she is ready to hear yet either._

"Instead of physical displays of affection they communicated it in other ways. I get it." I get out softly.

"They weren't exactly afraid to show physical displays either. Nothing scandalous of course and no where near what you would see here. But they would hold hands, or Dad would kiss the top of our heads and brush our cheeks from time to time when he knew we were upset about something. Mom would hold us and stroke our hair when we were having difficult…" She stops and even in the light of the moon she blushes red. "...well when we weren't feeling well."

I try not to chuckle but smile at her and reach out to trail a hand down her hair. "It sounds like you had a loving home then. I know it had to be hard to leave them."

She sighs and closes her eyes, a shiver passing through her at my touch. I let my hand fall back, not wanting to push it and still watching for signs of pain from her. She opens her eyes and smiles at me.

"I miss them but it wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. Everyday here it gets easier though because for the first time in my life…"

"You feel like you belong." I finish for her.

She nods with that smile still. "Like I can breathe for the first time, like I could fly even."

I grin at her and chuckle. "Dream of flying do you?"

"Like a bird...or should I say like a Dauntless." She smirks at me causing me to laugh outright.

"So you know about that? Have your friends taken you?" I ask with a raised eyebrow, more than half hoping she says they hadn't.

For some reason I want to be there when she goes for the first time. Fuck it, I want all of her firsts of anything. Only me. For as long as she will let me have them

There I fucking said it. I want her and only her and I don't see that changing at all. It is just getting worse and becoming a burning need.

She huffs and shakes her head, sending pleasure through me. "No. We knew about it but apparently it is all closed off and only certain people have access. Zeke is supposed to know about that but Uri didn't think his brother was going to agree to take us. He said something about it being saved as a initiation tradition."

'You mean Zeke follows at least one of the fucking rules? Hell must be freezing over." I mutter playfully. "Yeah it is usually an initiation tradition but I can make you a deal if you want."

She raises her head up and looks to me in question. "What would that be?"

I bite my lip in thought and worry. "Win your next and final fight and I will take you."

She starts to smile but then stops and hesitates. "I will go into it anyways planning to win but I am going to be realistic here. I am either facing Peter, Will or Edward. I can admit, I hope it is Edward. It was going to be a hard fight even before the attack, Eric."

I nod but my face goes hard, my leader face for a moment. "I have seen you when you are hurt and how you fight, kitten. You can let it fuel you or you can let it cloud you. I need you to let it fuel you. Remember our training sessions. I have seen you watching him too. It's just about putting it all together."

"I win, you take me. I will be holding you to that by the way." She says finally with a smile and lays her head back on my chest.

"I know you will. If you don't I am sure Chase and Zach will. I haven't gone zip-lining in forever." I answer with a shrug.

"Why? If I could I would be almost living up there."

I pause and think about that for a moment, how to answer her. "I loved it at first when I got here. But, becoming a leader and just dealing with things; I lost enjoyment of it and a lot of things."

I notice her breathing go off and her body tenses just the slightest amount. Thinking she is in the middle of one of those bursts of pain I frown and look at her. "Are you hurting right now? I brought...I brought some things for you if you need them."

She shakes her head, biting her lip. "No, honestly I am not hurting. It comes and goes, Eric, but what I was feeling before; that is much better."

Relief floods me and I feel my body relax until she takes a breath and moves to sit up, her back against the wall again. "Something else is happening though."

"What?" I ask slowly and worriedly as I sit up too.

She looks at her hands, her hair falling into her face and blocking my view of her. With a scowl and not another thought, I pull her to my lap. Making her give an 'eep' in surprise and wide eyes turning to me.

I could have just moved her hair but fuck it. I was already planning on spending the night out here with her and in my arms.

"What is happening, Kat?" I demand of her.

She swallows and holds my eyes. "It isn't anything bad and I am not in pain. I just noticed that, I have some kind of extra sensitivity to...to touch or anything touching me."

It take a moment for that to register and it has me trying to discreetly swallow. "So, what exactly does it do or feel like?"

A blush tinged her cheeks and she smiles a little. "I don't know exactly. I haven't explored it _yet_."

A groan leaves me before I can stop it. Gods she is killing me. I am going to have a heart attack at her hands. I just know it.

"Is that why you were up when I got to the dorm? Because of this new thing?" I ask when that thought hits me.

She pales and turns her head from me, looking up at the moon. "No. I couldn't sleep, had a bad dream."

I pull her chin back to face me. "You could have come to me you know? You didn't have to sit there in the dark alone."

For a second, tears fill her eyes and while she doesn't pull away she does look down. "I was going to...but...then I thought you might be too busy so I didn't."

Something is off in her tone. Or maybe it is just the guilt of knowing that had she gone looking for me I wouldn't have been there for her. The guilt of what exactly I was doing instead of there for her at that time hits me hard, making me want to break down and beg her forgiveness. I don't, instead I hold that inside and say nothing for a few seconds.

"I will _never_ be too busy for you, kitten." I take a deep breath and stroke her cheek. "Nothing will be as important to me as being able to be there for you."

I get lost in those eyes as she looks at me, the unshed tears making them sparkle a little in the light of the moon. "I can't ask that of you, Eric. You have a life….you have…"

The thumb I was using to stroke her cheek goes to rest over her mouth, stopping her. "If I said it, I meant it. I don't do anything I don't want to do. _You_ aren't asking me for this Kat, it is just the way it is."

She swallows and nods, while I stroke the thumb lightly against her lips. The debate coming up again to kiss her or not. I know once I do though it will be opening the floodgates and there would be nothing holding me back. I also know that if I go there with her, she herself won't hold back. I can barely handle her as it is right now and that is her not even fucking trying.

So with a sigh I move my thumb away from her mouth.

"Eric?" She calls as she wiggles a little on my lap, turning more towards me and has me swearing in my mind at the action.

"Yeah?" I say, strained.

"Can I...can I try something?"

 _Oh gods…_

"Try what, kitten?" I can't even help the strained, wary tone of my voice.

"I want to...can I test the...sensitivity out?"

 _Yep, I am screwed here._

"Kitten, I don't think…"

Her face falls a little in defeat and hurt that stops me in my tracks. "Yeah. No I….I understand..."

"Yes." I huff out a little, stopping her. "I want you to." I assure her after she gives me a look saying that she doesn't want me to agree out of pity.

"Eric, are you sure?" Her voice is timid. The first time I have ever heard that tone with her. It reminds me just how innocent she is.

In that moment I make another promise to myself. No matter what I feel, it won't be on a roof or a hallway or anywhere else that I would have taken one of those fucking girls. Her first time for anything will be in a bed and treating her like she deserves. My raging fucking hard on be damned, I will have control.

"Yeah kitten, I am sure. I want you to feel comfortable enough to do that with me though." I reach out and run a hand through her hair.

A smile curls her lips up, while she flicks her tongue out to lick them briefly. In that one gesture, I know I am in for some serious tests to that new promise and control.


	37. Is This Real

**A/N: I still own nothing but my own plot and character's.**

 **Chapter 37 - Is This Real**

 _Kat_

I had sat on my bed, silently crying for longer than I felt I had enough tears for. It had started out just about how I was feeling at seeing Eric with another girl. But it became about so much more than that. It was the weight of events since taking the aptitude test. It was the fear that had hounded my everyday for almost seven years. It was the worry that now I wasn't there to protect them from him, what the monster named Marcus Eaton would do to my family. It was the chain that I had felt like was weighing me down with guilt and insecurities. It was the pain of missing my parents and the guilt for being ok and happy having left their home despite all of that. It was the pressure I felt to make up for the past but also to prevent anything like that and what had been going on with me from happening again either.

It was all of that bubbling up and breaking out, ready to be released.

Maybe I should have felt weak for crying but I didn't see it as a weakness. It felt like weight was being lifted somewhat. Those things would still be there but I felt a measure of release in acknowledging them and how they made me feel.

I hadn't heard Eric coming into the dorm. I hadn't even felt him near like I could most of the time. He moved like a ghost and it wasn't until he was crouched beside my bed that I knew he was there. I had tried to hide my tears or that I had been crying. More because I didn't want questions to be asked. I wasn't ready to answer by a long shot.

Seeing him there sent hurt rushing through me, along with a messed up sense of happiness. I had almost refused to go with him when I realized what he wanted. For about a second I thought about telling him no. I am coming to realize that when it comes to Eric, I am almost powerless.

Except for right now. This moment, sitting on his lap, he is giving me power of a sort. I will take it gladly. Take it and anything he allows me to have. I try not to think about what he might have done with the woman from the Pit. I try not to imagine it and fail.

So when he tells me he wants me to explore, the first things that had come to mind I push out. Instead, I turn so that I am facing him completely. I frown when he groans a little.

"Am I hurting you?" I ask, perched and ready to get off of him if he says I am.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "You're asking if you are hurting _me_? I think that might be what I am supposed to ask...kitten."

I frown but nod. "Just, tell me to stop anytime you want me to."

He quirks an eyebrow and his lips twitch. "Another one of my lines." The husky tenor of his voice radiates down my spine and sending warmth through me. There is meaning behind those words and that tone but I can only guess.

That guess is enough to have me biting my lip and eyes going half lidded. Then I remember my resolve. I remember how _she_ touched him. I don't let it stop me but I do determine to be different.

I reach out a hand and tentatively begin letting my fingers slowly graze and trail along his ear like he had done me earlier in the dorm. Running along the tip of it on the outside down to his earlobe. I wait for a reaction or for him to tell me to stop but he doesn't. He is breathing through his nose, his eyes lowered but he is watching me closely. A small smile on his lips.

I blush a little and reach my other hand to do the same thing to his other ear. The entire time I let my eyes move over his face, choosing the next place I am going to explore. His jaw, that strong and chiseled jaw that drives me crazy in a way I never knew I could be driven crazy. That is the next place I explore. One hand resting at the back of his neck, cupping it, while I use the other hand and fingertips to trace along his jawline.

He lets out a soft sigh and expelling of air as his eyes close when I move to his forehead. Soothing over where I know it wrinkles when he is worried. Stroking where I know it creases when he is angry. Caressing where I have burned into my mind how it puckers at those rare and beautiful smiles.

His hands had come to rest on my thighs when I moved to straddle and face him. Gently they squeezed or kneaded through my thick black pants, moving up the tiniest of amounts. But I felt a strange combination of him melting under my touch while still being tensed or ready for something.

His eyes are still closed when I lift my hand and move to his neck. With a smile I start to trace the tattoos there and think about how I really long to press my lips to the area. Down each block on either side, right down to his chest.

I settle for allowing myself to press two fingers against the dark ink in the lightest of touches, pausing and putting just a little more pressure when I get to the point where his pulse is. He swallows and I feel his pulse jumping.

The only sign my touches are having any kind of effect on him really. Pleasure fills me at that and I move to continue my same explorations on the other side.

His black shirt has a deep rounded neckline, giving me an enticing view of the top of his chest and dark blonde hairs. I let my hand fall there, teasing along the neckline.

Eric lets out a small moan and his head falls back against the wall. "Fuck kitten." His voice is a bare whisper and I look at him. His eyes are open and watching me through hooded lids.

"Do you want me.."

"No. Don't...don't stop." His tone is almost a plea but more a command. His hands move higher up my legs and to my hips and grips me tightly.

I am not sure what he is feeling during this whole experience but to me it is like liquid warmth has started to pump through my veins. Where my fingers touch against his skin I am surprised I am not seeing sparks from the electricity wherever contact is made.

Desire has slowly started to pool in my center, liquid desire that I pray he can't detect along with the heat at the center between my legs.

He pulls me tighter against him and I feel him through his pants pressing against me. Now I let out a small moan, my head falling back a little. We stay like that for a few seconds, me not daring to move and him holding me tightly. He lets out a breath and I gulp one in before I look back to him.

There is no mistaking the desire in his eyes now. It feels like a small victory. An almost hollow one with the memory and thoughts of him and the girl earlier still fresh in my mind. I won't go further than one last thing.

I reach up a hand, and still holding his eyes, take my thumb and begin to lightly move it over his bottom lip. His nostrils flare and his jaw clenches. I use the tip of my thumb, I trace along the bottom of his lip. Before I can move to the top though, he catches my hand, and it is then I notice his chest heaving.

He holds my hand for a few minutes, along with my eyes, running the pads of his fingers over my fingertips. Then he slowly pulls my hand towards him and hooks it behind the back of his neck where it now joins my other hand on the opposite side.

One hand of his moves from my hips and goes to cup the back of my head, pulling me towards him as he moves his body forward until our foreheads are touching. He takes a few deep breaths, our chests pressed together.

My mouth is dry and my heart is beating wildly in my chest. I want so much more, burn for it really. At the same time, I can't allow myself to hope for it or go there. Not after earlier.

I might not be angry with him but I am hurt. I don't know how long that will last. I don't know what it even means other than I can't allow it. Not knowing just hours ago he may have been…..

I close my eyes and sigh, breathing him in and soaking in his warmth. His scent seems to be burned into my mind. Clean linen, mint and slightly spicy...like cloves.

A tremble runs through me before I can stop it as my senses run riot and my own desire feels like it is overflowing in me.

"Are you ok?" His breath fans out on my face when he asks this in his gravel filled voice.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak just yet. Fighting back the tears that threaten me. "Just cold."

He nods and pulls back. "Ok, let's get you back under the blanket then."

I blush and move to get off of him, my breath hitching slightly when doing so I rock against his hardness. I bite my lip hard to keep from moaning and successfully sit back down beside him. He shifts a little and I swear it looks like he might be blushing as he grabs the blanket and drapes it over me but then looks to be adjusting his pants a little.

He doesn't ask and I don't object, but he pulls me back against his side tightly and pressed my head to his chest after placing a kiss to my forehead when we are laid back down.

I can feel his heartbeat under my head, not extremely fast but faster than normal. "Kat, I didn't ask you and I should have...but...is this ok? Us being like this?"

I swallow and close my eyes. "Yeah. I...I like being like this with you."

His arms tighten around me and I hear an exhaled "Good"

My arms tighten around his waist and I relax into him. One of his hands moved to run through my hair and the sleep I had been so sure would evade me starts to seep into my body, dragging me under.


	38. If I Told You

**A/N: Ain't insomnia just a peach! So here is a chapter for you since the only sandman that will be visiting me is the one Metallica is growling about to me. Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 38 - If I Told You**

 _Eric_

I honestly didn't think sleep would be possible for me at all considering how worked up I was by the time Kat had had her exploration session with me. I thought I had known and felt desire before with her but I found out how fucking wrong I was.

I didn't know what to expect when I agreed. Considering how fucking innocent it had turned out to be maybe anyone else wouldn't have gotten as turned on. But she isn't just anyone and those simple, affection filled touches nearly had me coming undone right there.

What stopped me was something I think she tried to hide from me, but she isn't very good at hiding the things she is feeling. One of the things I love so much about her, she isn't afraid to feel or let it show. But besides affection and desire when touching me, there had been sadness.

I didn't know what was causing the sadness and again there was something that stopped me from asking. Something that told me I didn't want to know and now wasn't the time to ask. Something that told me there would be no way Kat wouldn't tell me on her own when she was ready.

It had plagued me as she relaxed into me and drifted to sleep. The soothing warmth of her pressed against me along with her breathing had me falling asleep despite my worries.

*****Page Break*****

It seemed like the alarm I had set on my walk to her dorm was going off much sooner than I would have preferred. But I had set it early for a reason.

I couldn't give her the sunset she had mentioned but I could give her the full moon and sunrise. It was also why I had thought to bring the thermos of coffee. So that we could have coffee and watch the sunrise together. It didn't mean that I was anymore anxious to wake and end the time I had in being with her like this.

At some point during the night we had shifted and were laying faced to each other, arms wrapped tightly around each other, legs threaded together.

I felt Kat coming awake as she stretched, arching into me with soft sighs. Like they had a mind of their own my hands started to move along her body, stroking softly as my muscles flexed themselves awake as well.

Our bodies moved against and with each other, as if this was something they had done a million times before this day. It felt like we had, like this was the most natural thing in the world. This is where we belonged and always had.

"Hmmm." She sighs as I feel her head tilt a little and then her lips brushing against my jaw.

My own seek her out, needing contact again and looking for the heat of her skin. "Mornin." I rasp out against her skin until I brush dangerously close to her mouth.

Kat gives a slight gasp and stills for a second before pulling back a little, leaving me frowning at the loss of contact. I blink more awake and look down to see her eyes wide and focused on my mouth. She doesn't seem aware I am watching her because she is in some kind of debate. Whatever it is, whatever she was thinking; isn't anything good because she frowns before shaking her head and that look of sadness comes over her face again.

It leaves me frowning and I can admit hurt. I feel like there is some kind of...veil...or something that has been put between us. Something hanging over us but I don't know if that is my own shit and I am projecting it or not.

Better not to bring anything up right now. I can't lie to her, I will eventually have to tell her. It isn't like we are together or anything though.

 _Seriously? Trying to justify that shit? Cause that is going to go over well, right?_

I inwardly sigh and clear my throat out loud, thinking that wherever the hell the inner good guy had drug himself from, he could just go right the fuck back.

"Morning." She says finally with a smile at me and a blush.

She hasn't pulled out of my arms yet so maybe all of that was me and my own thoughts or guilt. I smile back and pull her a little tighter against me.

"I brought coffee." I smile wider at her little moan of pleasure as soon as I said coffee. "I thought we could have a cup up here and, if you wanted to, watch the sunrise?"

She blinked a few times, maybe in surprise at my suggestion. Then a slow smile spread across her face and she nodded. "I would like that, thank you."

It was worth feeling like a sap to see that smile of pleasure on her face. The smile that was the first thing to pierce me to my core. Pierce through the darkness and made me know without a doubt in those first days that I didn't just want her, I fucking needed her.

She let out a musical little laugh when I sat up and then before she could move fully I had her up and in my lap once again. I ignored the extreme discomfort I was feeling from my morning wood, adjusted her and myself discreetly and then pulled the blanket over us again. Once that was settled I handed her a cup and together we got the coffee poured into the two cups I had.

Luckily the thermos I had was pretty damn good at keeping shit hot so while it wasn't piping it was still good.

"Mmmm." She hums after she has had a few sips and lets out a sigh. "I feel like it has been _weeks_ since I last had a cup of coffee."

I roll my eyes and chuckle after taking a few big drinks of my own. "Yeah that _one_ day of no coffee must have just been fucking torture."

She looks up at me with a playful scowl on her lips. "I would like to see how you would function without your own daily dose of caffeine."

I laugh a little. "Nah, you wouldn't. You wouldn't want the blood on your hands that might result in."

She smirks a little and nods. "Exactly. You need your caffeine to prevent homicidal sprees and I need mine to prevent mass outbreaks of sarcasm and sass."

"I like your sarcasm and sass, so that may just be incentive for me to withhold then." My smirk gets wider when her eyes go wide then narrow at me.

She snorts a little and shakes her head. "Shh. I am trying to watch the sunrise."

She turns her head out towards the view, resting it back against my chest where I have her pulled tight against me. I kiss the top of her head and go back to drinking my coffee. We sit like that in comfortable silence for a few minutes, watching as the sun's rays start to burst from behind the mountains.

"Have you ever been camping, Eric?" She asks in between her sips of coffee.

I frown into my cup and shake my head. "Not camping as in real camping. I did a bit of survival training where I was…" I paused and thought of the safest way to put this "...placed in an area for a certain amount of time on my own."

She turns her head with a raised eyebrow but something in my expression must tell her that I am not going to elaborate more than that. She nods to me in understanding. "Why? Did you ever do the camping thing?"

She smiles at me, her eyes glinting with mischievousness. "I couldn't exactly disappear from home for a few days so I had to be a bit sneaky about it. Amity has times of year were they get volunteers to prepare for the winter. It is for doing various things but the last two years I was able to finally get a choice in what I volunteered at a few times. So I choose Amity and helping with getting their herbal medicine stores and medical center stocked. You know, rolling bandages, filling their little medicinal tea bags; just things like that. But there was the option to stay in Amity for the three days it would take or doing one day. I might have fudged and said I stayed for the full three days and used the other two to do some camping with a few Amity friends."

I smiled and shook my head at her. "Is this when you learned how to shoot a bow and arrow?"

"It was when I got to practice it. I also got to fish or learn to anyways. I learned how to build a few basic shelter structures and they started to teach me just a few things. I guess like survival skills. But I loved waking up early like now and watching the sunrise. It was different than seeing it as I was walking to my volunteer time. But just like then, now...it is like...I don't know…"

I sigh and look out at the sunrise. To be honest the only reason I had even thought of this at all was because she mentioned it. I couldn't have given a shit less about a sunrise or sunset. It was just a measure of time, signifying either another shitty day beginning or another shitty day ending.

But I get it. I do. Here with her, seeing that, feeling like I do and seeing a physical representation of it at the same time; I get it. I can't put it into words either exactly other than "Possibilities." I murmur.

My arm is wrapped around her waist with her arm on top of it. She moves her hand against mine and our fingers thread together. Squeezing she sighs. "Exactly."

"Maybe...maybe we could go sometime? After initiation and you get settled into, whatever job you are offered." I offer, hesitant and wonder if I am going too far here. It isn't something that would normally sound appealing at all but with her, fuck, she could make most anything sound like the best idea in the world. Or I am just that hard up to spend any kind of time with her.

She laughs and looks at me, her eyebrows raised. "Teach you how to fish, or shoot a bow and arrow?"

I smirk and shrug. "Like it would be all that hard?"

She laughs again. "Sure, this I would have to see."

I wink at her with a smile. "It's a date then." She is still looking up at me, her face so close to mine. I feel drawn closer the longer we stay there and am moving towards her.

Her smile falters a little and she frowns before turning away and lifting her cup to her lips. It is on the tip of my tongue, the question I want to blurt out. But the look in her eyes of hurt has me stopping and it is kind of pissing me off to be honest.

If I find out that someone told her something...I don't know that there will be anyone that could stop me from hurting them as much as that brief flash of hurt had shown me she feels.

Clearing my throat I drain my coffee cup. "So what are you thinking as far as a job?"

She pauses before downing the rest of her coffee. I take the cup from her and busy myself packing everything but the blanket back up in the bag. She goes to move from my lap but I tighten the hold I have on her with my one arm around her waist.

"I um, well to be honest, I was hoping something in leadership. Maybe even an ambassador or liaison if any of those are open." Her tone is a little guarded, telling me she is holding something back.

"I could see you doing well in Leadership. What faction would you want to represent Dauntless for if you were offered an ambassador position?" I ask, deciding to ignore the tone she had.

"Erudite. I think I wouldn't mind representing Dauntless for Erudite." She says with a shrug as if it is obvious.

Oh fuck that! There is no way in hell I am letting her anywhere near fucking Erudite much less Jeanine.

"Really? I guess I would have thought you might want to represent for Abnegation." I keep my tone even, almost flat so I don't let on that I am trying with all my might to redirect her.

She tenses immediately and looks to me. "I left there for a reason. I don't feel the need to go back."

I nod slowly, my mind working to try and come up with a way to get her to put Erudite out of her mind. "Trust me I get it. When it came time, I didn't exactly want to have to deal with my old faction either. But I chose to see it as maybe, I don't know, that I could help the two factions have a better relationship."

Kat sighs deeply, a troubled and weary kind of sigh. "Eric…" she pauses and turns to face me "You know I trust you but I am asking you to trust me that me being anywhere near certain Abnegation leaders for any real amounts of time would be the worst possible thing for Dauntless."

I know she doesn't mean her father so who…..

Then it hits me and I remember, her little comments that day when she told us about the incident with the factionless. Her look of pure loathing for Marcus Eaton. My face darkens and body tenses, then she is wrapping her arms around my neck and looking at me seriously.

"I trust you…" I finally get out in a soft voice "..to tell me when you think you can, or are ready. But...I swear to all the fucking gods Kat, if he…"

Her hands start to rub the back of my neck, trying to soothe and calm me. "He made my life difficult for sure and I can't stand him. I would rather not have to deal with him individually again."

My chest was heaving and my anger was calming but only because I was working to hide it better. She was telling the truth of course, in that way she had of telling the truth while still not saying everything. It was all that she wasn't saying plus something that had just reared its fucking head on me. The memory of her and I in the bathroom, those scars on her back.

Those scars had been trying to trigger the memory of another person I had seen with scars all too damn similar, Tobias Eaton...aka, Four.

I give her a tight smile but pull her head forward until our foreheads are resting against each other. Anger like I don't think I have felt since the death of my parents is bubbling inside of me. I don't know exactly what I am going to do...but if it is what I think...someone is going to pay. Maybe the whole fucking faction for letting it happen in the first place.

"Eric, talk to me." She whispers softly and worriedly.

Maybe she really does have me down, knows me so well already. I pull her against my chest wrapping my arms around her tightly, burying my face in her neck and shake my head. "I just need to know...I need _you_ to know...you can tell me anything. I know it might take time before we...both of us...are able to tell each other things…"

She nods into my shoulder. "I will Eric. I know I can and I don't want to lie to you."

Sighing, I just hold her like that for as long as I know we can get away with before we will need to head down for coffee with Chase and Zach. Before we have to head to the training room then the regular day's training starts. Where she will have her last and most worrying fight.

For right now, these last few minutes before we went back to the roles of just instructor and initiate, I could forget all of that and lose myself in her.


	39. What's It Gonna Be

**Disclaimer: This is still just Roth's world and I am still just a squirrel trying to get my nuts into the mix ;)**

 **Chapter 39 - What's It Gonna Be**

 _Kat_

 _What's it gonna be 'cause I can't pretend?_

 _Will we ever be more than friends?_

 _Hold me tight and don't let go_

 _Don't let go_

 _Have the right to lose control_

 _Don't let go_

 _I often tell myself_

 _That we could be more than just friends_

 _I know you think that if we move too soon_

 _It would only end_

 _I live in misery when you're not around_

 _And I won't be satisfied 'til we're taking those vows_

 _There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking_

 _There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking_

 _What's it gonna be 'cause I can't pretend?_

 _Will we ever be more than friends?_

 _Hold me tight and don't let go_

 _Don't let go_

 _Have the right to lose control_

 _Don't let go_

 _Running in and out my life has got me so confused_

 _You gotta make the sacrifice_

 _Somebody's gotta choose_

 _We can make it if we try for the sake of you and I_

 _Together we can make it right_

 _What's it gonna be 'cause I can't pretend?_

 _Will we ever be more than friends?_

 _Hold me tight and don't let go_

 _Don't let go_

 _Have the right to lose control_

 _Don't let go_

 _Have the right to lose control_

 _Don't let go_

 _Have the right to lose control_

 _Don't let go_

 _[Don't Let Go, Deepfield]_

From the moment we woke up I have been at war with myself. Three times we almost kiss, coming so very close to something just yesterday I wanted more than anything. The thing was most of me still wanted that very much.

But the part of me that was winning, making me hesitant, was the part that was now too scared to. Scared that I didn't really know what Eric wanted or expected. If I would end up just being another girl he 'hooked up' with. Wondering if I could or would be enough to hold his interest or was I just a novelty? A challenge because of where I came from or my inexperience? All these doubts, insecurities, fears and hurt were clouding things. I realize as he is holding onto me as if his life depended on it, on me, that I wasn't being fair to him or myself right now.

I just didn't know how to handle this. Chase said I should try not to hold it against him and in a way, even though I wasn't angry with him, I was still hurt enough that I was holding it a little against him.

And now I had even bigger things to worry about. I had somehow known I was treading on dangerous territory when telling my three guys about my past. When I saw their reactions, Eric's reaction to finding out about me being shot, I had an inkling it would be bad if he ever found out about everything that happened to me back in Abnegation. It could possibly turn them against my former faction and that couldn't happen. Because it wasn't the entire faction, just one man with way too much power that had been allowed it all because of the way the system was set up.

I also knew that I couldn't lie to Eric and I couldn't avoid this forever. It was going to come out one way or the other. I just didn't know how to tell him when I had barely begun to deal with those things myself. I had been in survival mode, a blend in and protect my family mode. There had been no time or luxury to think about, really think about, what was happening to me. I buried it all but I think it was coming to the surface.

I did feel safe in Eric's arms, like he would protect me from anything that might try to hurt me. I had to ask myself though, what was going to protect me from him? From him hurting me?

I start to loosen my hold from where my arms had wound themselves tightly around his neck but he pulled me tighter against him and growled.

"Not yet." He mumbled against my neck, making me shiver as his lips brushed along the skin there.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he doesn't stop there, almost like he can't. Just like I can't stop my own from seeking out the crook of his neck either. Where I start placing testing and tentative kisses along his skin. His turn hungrier and move up farther until he gets to my jaw.

I moan and my fingers curl into his shoulders where I had went to grip him.

Eric moans my name and his hands move up to my hair, fisting it with both hands and wrapping it in a grip that is both firm but gentle.

I had no choice but to stop kissing on him when he moved to tilt my head back and grazed kisses and his teeth along my neck and jaw. I was lost, losing myself in this moment and him. Just before I let myself surrender though I knew that if I were going to stop it again, it would need to be now.

If his lips meet mine I will never want him to stop. I don't want him to stop.

The moment and silence of the morning is broken by the shrill alarm of both our watches going off in tandem, causing me to jump and him to growl and curse.

"Fucking of course." He pants and pulls back then goes to stop his alarm. He takes my arm to stop my alarm for me. Then he takes my hand in his while the other goes to cup the side of my face, his eyes holding mine.

I feel the heat of both a blush and the passion I was feeling even more keenly now that I have this new sensitivity issue. The heat from his hand feels like a brand against my cheek, marking me as his. Something I realize I had been from that first morning if I were being honest. Maybe even from that lunch when he looked down the table and his blue eyes unlocked a part of me I never knew existed.

"Eric" I breathe out softly then swallow at the words I need to say. That I need to ask. "I went to find you in the Pit last night."

His reaction is immediate. He tenses, his forehead forming into wrinkles of worry. His eyes flash with guilt and my stomach drops. That one look confirming everything I knew but didn't want to be true. I close my eyes as the tears burn them fiercely.

"Kat, I…." His voice is strained and angry but I can't bring myself to look at him.

I shake my head, trying to shake away the pain. "It's ok." I gasp out and try to hold in the choked sob but fail. "You...I mean...we're friends...and you have never said…"

"Goddammit, look at me Kat." He barks out and his tone is harsh but his hand on my cheek is still gentle as his thumb runs along with it. "Fucking...please…"

I open my eyes, the tears spilling out as soon as I do. "You don't need to say anything, Eric. I just needed too…."

"The fuck I don't need to say anything. It has been killing me all fucking night, baby." His tone and eyes hold me and I see true regret in them. He takes a breath and lets it out slowly. "It is killing me right now knowing I did that to you. Especially when...I didn't even...I mean you are and were the one I wanted, Kat. You realize this, right?"

 _No I don't! I don't understand any of this!_

It's what I want to yell and scream at him but I don't. I swallow that and try to keep it from showing but once again I really need to learn how to keep everything from showing.

"You didn't? Gods, I am such a fucking bastard." He growls and lets his hand drop before pushing it through his hair angrily.

Somehow seeing his anger at himself calms mine. And I take a breath. "Explain it to me, Eric. Because I don't know what this is between us. What you expect or want. I don't understand, if you wanted me….why? Do you want me _and_ her? Or is just because she is so much more…" I huff and choke back the sob "I don't know how any of this works and I…"

I trail off lost in the hurt but also the anger I hadn't felt before was now appearing. Angry that if he wanted me so damn much why was he with someone else?

"Fuck. I was not prepared to have this conversation right now." He huffs and shakes his head. "From the moment I met you Kat, all I have wanted was you. Not just...not just physically. I don't want only that and I sure as fuck don't want you to only want that from me. But Kat….us...during initiation, is so not the best idea. If it were just about me I wouldn't fucking care but it isn't. There are so many reasons I wanted to wait. Fucking _promised_ myself I would wait."

I bite my lip, a little bit of the anger fading away, and then mimic what he had been doing with me after he had let his head fall down and not looking at me. I cupped the side of his face and stroked his jaw with my thumb. "Eric, look at me."

He lets out a shaky breath and raises his eyes to meet mine. Before I can speak his eyes pin me in place. "If you never want a fucking thing to do with me again, Kat, I will get it. I'll walk away and believe me, you will be better off for it. God knows I am the last man you need, I'm not good enough for you by fucking half. Just know, it won't stop me from still wanting you or wanting to protect you."

I was going to say something but in that moment I don't remember what the words had been. The wounded look in his eyes, the fully expectant look he had that he just knew _exactly_ what I was going to do...walk away and leave him...took them all away.

Chase was right. Eric and I are both in new territory here. He is just as scared by this as I am, just as afraid of getting hurt.

So instead of answering him with words, I lean forward, watching as his eyes widen slightly before my lips press against his.

Then the floodgate opened up for us both and swept us under.

His hands go back to curling in my hair while his mouth dominates mine. There is no gentleness in the kiss and I love it. I crave it, the way he nipped at my bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth. I moaned at the way he flicked his tongue out against the seam of my lips and caused them to open. I whimpered for more when he plunged his tongue into my mouth and felt the hum burst from my chest when he groaned after I curled my tongue against his.

The kiss, this magnificent kiss, my real first kiss, was only broken when my hands had started to wander. He gave a pained groan before catching my hands and stilling them in one of his large hands. He slowed the kiss and let us come back, gasping for air and panting.

"Jesus, I don't want to fucking stop."

"Sounds good to me." I pant out with a nod and move to try and pull him back. He gives a groan and a chuckle all in one and pulls back to look at me causing me to scowl.

"I knew it would be like that. You have no clue how much I want to." His nostrils are flared and the pupil of his eyes blown wide while he bites his bottom lip. "I need you to listen to me, Kat. My reasons for wanting to wait, they still exist. But it is so fucking clear to me that trying to keep it as just friends is causing us both more pain than it would be helping us."

I swallow and try to regulate my breathing, to focus again but that is easier said then done. My hormones, released for the first time, were just running wild and running the show in Katland right now.

I let out a slow breath and nod. "Ok...so what does that…"

"It means that we have to set rules or boundaries here. For starters, there will be no more other women. There wasn't to begin with even if I might have…"

I shake my head with a scowl. "I don't want to…"

He takes my chin and makes me look at him again after I closed my eyes and has his stern face on. "No, I am not going to go into detail with you baby but you need to know. No lies between us either. I need you to know anything I might have done in the past doesn't mean shit. I meant nothing to them just as much as they meant nothing to me. I was a status symbol to them, Kat. Something to mark on their score board saying they had done a leader. They were just a physical need met for me. They were and never would be you or what I want with you. Can you understand that?"

I nod slowly, and curse myself for the tears of happiness that start to sting my eyes. Eric frowns and curses. "Then why are you crying?" He growls out.

"Because...I didn't think there was any way you could want me over girls like her." I answer honestly, letting him see that part of me. The insecurity that had plagued me from the moment he had awakened me.

His scowl gets deeper and he lets out a huff. "One day kitten, I am going to get you to truly see how beautiful you are. But for now I just need you to know that I find you beautiful. I meant it that day when I said it and I mean it just as much now."

He gently wipes away the tears and pulls me closer to his chest, holding me close to him. "So...are we..dating?" I ask a little timidly.

His chest rumbles against mine in a quiet chuckle. "You're mine and I'm yours. I don't know what the label for that is exactly. Though, just dating doesn't seem quite right. I think I have considered things we have been doing together dating, I guess. Or just my really messed up version of it." He grumbled the last part causing me to laugh a little against his shoulder.

"Is it messed up for me to think that those were dates too?"

"No, it's a fucking relief. At least I know you won't expect flowers or candy, or I seriously have no clue what else, but just know it isn't going to happen with me."

I smirk and pull back with a shrug. "I'll stick with coffee on rooftops, training in the mornings and the promised zip-lining."

He smiles his blinding smile and strokes a thumb over my lips before he frowns. "Kat, there are things I still want to wait on until after initiation. No matter how much I might want to not wait. I made promises to myself and...there are reasons. But we also can't let anyone know about this until after initiation either. I mean other than Chase and Zach who were already saying I just needed to tell you already. I am guessing Lynn knows something and as long as she can keep it to herself she can know. But anyone else and it puts you too much at risk, physically but also for shit to be said about you."

I scowl at the reminder of the things I heard yesterday in the dining hall and pit. "I don't give a shit about what is said."

"I do baby. I don't want what happened to me to happen to you. You don't deserve it." His bitter tone at the end let me know that he believed he did deserve it.

"You don't and didn't deserve it." I say softly to him.

He shakes his head. "You don't know…"

"Eric, do you think I could have been friends with Four and not hear things. Heard the implications or insinuations. And before you go looking for him, who am I with right now? Who had my attention from the moment I saw him in a way Four never would." I put my hand on his chest when I felt as if he was about to move me from his lap right then and go after Four.

He took a deep breath and put his forehead against mine. "Do you know, I have always felt like a second choice when compared to him. No matter what I do, what I give; never feels enough. Like I will never be as good as he is but he will never know…"

I swallow and close my eyes. "He would never step up enough to know."

Eric lets out a huff of a breath and laughs. "Jesus, this is just a morning for all kinds of firsts for me. You might be the first that has really gotten that, besides Chase and Zach that is."

I shrug and smile. "Eric, I see him for who he is good and bad. I need you to know that; I might not like him much at all right now but he was once my best friend. He still is a friend but there are issues and hurt that might never go away. I hope one day it will though and I just need to be truthful with you about that."

Another growl before he doesn't use words and instead uses a kiss. This one is not so much hungry as it is possessive and claiming. Letting me know with his mouth and showing my body who I belong to. Something it completely agrees with as my back arches into him and I moan, letting my head fall back as he trails kisses down my neck.

His phone buzzes and causes us to once more break apart. Once again with him cursing and me panting and laughing. He checks it with a sigh before sending something back in response.

"We have to go, kitten. As much as I want to say fuck it to our training today, we can't. Also Chase is threatening to send Tris after us if we don't get down there for coffee." Eric grumbles all this out after putting his phone up.

"Why would he send Tris after us?" I ask with a laugh. Not that I totally didn't think my sister wouldn't be a challenge, because she will be.

Eric sighs and rolls his eyes. "Apparently hell hath no fury like the Prior women. Your sister stormed the leader's offices demanding to be taken to you or you brought to her. Then just before you showed up she once again tried to demand the same thing."

I slap a hand over my mouth, my eyes wide and shaking my head. I could just imagine it too. It was rare but when Tris let her fiery side out it was something to behold. "Oh no. And she's still…."

"Alive to tell the tale?" Eric smirks at me before leaning in to kiss my forehead. "Maybe we were impressed with the balls she showed. Or maybe I am just going soft."

I bite my lip and wiggle in his lap a little, blushing at my boldness and what I feel rubbing against me. "No, I think that isn't a problem for you. I don't feel any softness here." My tone is husky but shy as well.

Eric's nostrils flare again and his hands go to my hips to stop me from moving around. "You are going to make this very hard aren't you?"

I smirk instantly and he groans realizing what he just said. "God I hope so...and often."

His head drops to my shoulder and he groans. "Fuck me" he breathes against me.

 _Oh god, he is just making this too easy...even for me._

I take a breath to fire off my quip and his head pops up before he slaps a hand over my mouth, a grin on his lips and shaking his head. "Not another fucking word. I realize I am just walking into them here but you can stop at anytime. Are you going to be a good girl now?"

My eyes sparkle with a response to that one as well but I just nod, smiling into his hand. He lets my mouth go and sighs heavily. "Let's go before I lose any shred of control I have."

My face is red from containing my laughter but also from a mix of still being very much full of desire and in thought of my actions as well as comments.

I help him get the blanket folded up and he shoves it into his bag. He shoulders the bag and pulls me to his side as we walk to the door. Just after we go through it, he pulls me back and pushes me against the door. Then he claims my mouth in a kiss, in the dark of the hallway it seems even more heightened.

The feel of his entire body pressing me into the door is a new experience all together. I never truly realized how hard his entire body is, not until this moment. It makes me want to explore everything, to run my hands over him and claim him. To wipe away any traces that anyone else had ever touched what is mine.

My body is vibrating with need in a way that is almost becoming painful, causing me to moan in both pleasure and that new found aching pain. I pressed even closer to him, while my hand moved under his shirt, causing me to moan even more when it made contact with bare skin. He gave me a teasing second before he gripped my hands, pulling them away and then pinned them to the door over my head while attacking my mouth even more fiercely.

His legs bend slightly and then his hardness presses into my core. He breaks away from the kiss and breathing hard as he presses into me more. "That…" he breaths out across my face in a husky pant "...is all and only for you, angel. So the next time you doubt it, doubt me...remember this."

He pulses me into me again but more deeply and swallows the jagged moan that tears from me in another kiss. Sparks are nothing compared the flames that he is igniting and driving me wild with. He starts to pull away from the kiss and I capture his bottom lip in my mouth and bite on it softly.

"Fuck." He growls out harshly and slams his pelvis into me before he stills. Pinning me with his body while his hands still have mine pinned above my head. We sit breathing heavily against each other there in the dark. "God, I have to fucking get it together here." He mutters in the dark softly.

I know what he means. We will have to find some way to step back into the role we had gotten used to playing when out in front of everyone else. I worry that my issues with showing everything will be a problem, but I know I have to make it work. Have to do something.

I also know that we need to talk about all those reasons that he has for waiting. I need to know because I think I am going to need something to hold in my mind to keep me from just jumping him.

"Eric.." I pant out and move my hips against where he is pressed into me still, gasping as it rocks against me. Making me throb even more now and a slickness start to coat me.

"Shit, you can't do that right now, Kat. I am barely holding on." He groans and lets my arms go to grip my hips tightly.

He doesn't make a move to push me away though. In fact he is bringing me closer and I swear I feel his dick move through his pants.

"Eric, we need to talk about this, what your reasons are…" he moans and pushes into me causing my head to fall back and my arms go to the back of his neck, digging my fingernails in "oh fuck...and soon...please. It...god.." I feel even more intense throbbing between my thighs as if my blood has all decided to rush to that area, molten lava filled blood cells. "Is it supposed to feel like this?"

My voice is strained and he stops. I can feel his body instantly tensing.

"Feel like what, kitten? Am I hurting you?"

I lick my lips and shake my head, though he can't see. "It isn't a bad kind of pain just..so fucking deep and I don't know what to do." I internally cringe at the slight whine in my voice.

He relaxes a little with a deep soft chuckle and buries his head in my neck. "I think it is what you are supposed to feel when you find the right person, baby. Believe me it is new for me too."

My forehead furrows in frustration and I let that out in a sigh. "Well, is there anything...I mean can't we do _something_ to make it better?"

"Fuckin' hope so baby, and soon." He growls out against my skin before he nips my earlobe between his teeth. He pulls away, not completely but enough that it leaves me giving a small whimper. His hand finds the side of my face in the dark and strokes my cheek. "You are right and we do need to talk."

Then the space widens between us and I hear rustling and him giving a huffing grunt. "Well that ain't fucking going anywhere anytime soon dammit. Fuck it, we have to go."

I smile into the dark, can't help that I feel smug that it isn't so easily turned off for him either. If he could only see the state of my underwear or my nipples he would be feeling the same way. I am almost sure of it actually.

"I can feel your damn smile in the dark, kitten." He mumbles as he takes my hand and pulls me to his side as we walk through the hallway like we did last night.

"I have no clue what you are talking about." The smile and chipper voice are a dead giveaway though.

He gives a chuckle beside me and squeezes before he sighs. It falls silent and the atmosphere changes. In the dark, I can feel him slipping into the role beside me. I hate it. I want to slam him against the wall, rub myself against him and get all of what we just had going on back.

We get closer to the door and it grows colder as he slips further away from me. He reaches back to me, his hand still holding mine, and squeezes. "Remember what I said, angel. We have to take this day by day but we can do it."

"Ok Eric." I sigh out and prepare myself. The light of the hallway that we come out on isn't the same one that we took from the dorm, this one is near the dining hall. Eric leads the way, his back straight and head high. I can imagine that his expression is the cold emotionless one he normally sports.

A scowl and frown forms on my face at having to put up this act. I do get the reasoning he was able to give so far. There are also the unspoken reasons that he has implied before now but also Lynn. Being with him will make me a target. A way to get back at him or just a target because of the hate others have for him, being transferred to me. I realize that I will have to prepare myself to lose friends most likely. Hopefully not the ones that matter to me, the three that have been like family to me from the first.

I know it will cause problems with two people I love for sure. The other, I can hope she will understand.

A small part of my mind, a tiny voice in the darkness that exists in all of us, asks if this is really worth it. Is _he_ really worth it? That voice is so small and drowned out by the overwhelming emotions and feelings just the thought of him brings me.

Memories of how my body feels alive for the first time when he holds me. Memories of how telling him about that day with the factionless man had not only felt right but like I was putting it and how I felt, into safe hands. Memories of him listening to me and me feeling like he was really hearing me. There are so many more tiny moments that are bombarding that sliver of darkness, blasting it back to where it came from.

 _That answer your question?_

Yeah there was going to be shit for my choice and I know it. But it was worth it. He _is_ worth it, and worth fighting for.

I walk into the dining hall with my back a little straighter and little more fire in my eyes than I should probably be having but I don't care. I will play along with the act out here but the second I don't need to...Eric better be prepared. Because...I don't think I can stop m


	40. Careful What You Wish Fo

**A/N: Just realized how damn appropriate the title for this chapter is considering I just jinxed the crap out of myself for my move. Complain about the 'fires of hell' heat we had going on and the gods send rain...lots of it. And all for the three days we are doing the real move. So this is me posting the last chapter I will get to post for more than I few days. Apparently our internet won't be installed until Tuesday so I have that to look forward to! YAY! I hope you all enjoy the chapter and seriously just thanks so much for the love on this story. Kat and Eric really took over every creative bone I had and this piece means a lot to me. With that...see you guys soon (gods willing)**

 **Chapter 40 - Careful What You Wish For**

 _Eric_

My face is blank, my back is straight and my head is high. You would never know to look at me that inside I feel like a raging fire of happiness and desire is burning like a furnace, centered around my heart. I never gave much thought to what my perfect girl would be like. I don't know that I believed there was room for something like that, that I deserved someone like that, and that she just couldn't exist.

But she does exist and not only does she exist, but she wants _me_ too. I am her first choice and not some notch on her belt. Not second to someone….Four….and her past. I make her come alive just as much as she does me and I am addicted.

It could have gone so badly though and I realize this. I could have lost her to my own destructive behavior and there would be no one to blame but my own damn self. If she weren't such a forgiving person, if she didn't have the heart she does, I know that she couldn't have gotten over my betrayal. Cause that is what that shit was no matter that I never spoke the words or promises to her. My feelings, actions and thoughts had all staked my claim and intentions; that was enough to have made it all a betrayal to Kat and how I feel for her.

Chase and Zach are both in the dining hall and one look at their faces tell me they are pissed. When their eyes snap to take in Kat behind me, narrowed and looking at her critically, I know it is because they knew she saw last night.

I don't head over there right away, instead I go to grab a coffee along with Kat. Then we both make our way over to the table. It is still empty enough that no one is even batting an eyelash at the four of us together and the ones that are here have seen it before by now.

"Morning." Kat says with a smile spreading across her lips while looking at Chase and Zach.

Zach looks between Kat and I, eyebrow raised and a question his eyes. I can clearly read the…'what the fuck' in them. My lips twitch a little and I fight back the shit eating grin I want to break out into. I shouldn't feel as happy as I am right now considering all that had passed last night. I also can't help to think that without that, Kat and I might not be where we are right now with each other.

"Morning." Chase grumbles back but is holding Kat's eyes. His head tilts and she gives him a smile and nod. As if to tell him she is really ok. He sighs and relaxes then looks to me. "Well, ok then."

With that, it is dropped, for now. I know I will have some answering to do to at least with Chase in private. I don't really owe him it. I know he doesn't think he is owed anything really. But I know they are both concerned about what happened and what is going to happen. This new development doesn't change anything really. Well, it will changes a few things but the main plans are still the same. The goals are still the same.

Getting Kat through initiation, making sure her divergence stays a secret and she doesn't draw attention especially during the sims, and find a way to turn the faction from Erudite's plans...or stop them both.

 _No fucking pressure, right?_

But first…

"So the plan," I start out after taking a drink of my coffee and I look over the three of them but mainly Kat "because of your fight today we won't do the full amount of training time we would have done normally. So that will leave plenty of time for breakfast, meds and…" I pause as my nostrils flare and I lick my lips a little as I look at her sitting beside me "..talk."

And god help me I am going to try to keep it to just that.

Kat blushes and looks away biting her lip. "M'kay." She gets out in a breathy voice before she clears her throat, squares her shoulders and then looks back to me with a nod. I know by the red tinging her cheeks though she is about to say something…."Then can we get to... _doing_ it?"

Zach chokes on his coffee as my eyes narrow at her and I cut off the growl that had started.

"Careful, _Initiate_. You might start something I _will_ finish." My tone is low while my fists clench around the cup and I look away from her.

"I thought we already established that…"

"Kat!" Zach gets out laughing, red and in shock.

If they only fucking knew what a wildcat she is. Which they never fucking will but her sass will let them have some clue.

Chase is shaking his head and drinking his coffee. He swallows and looks to Kat and I. "You might want to head there and get started then."

Kat nods with a smirk and drains her cup before getting up to go and put it away.

"I expect we will talk about what happened soon." Chase says in a low tone to me as I drain my cup.

I give a nod and get up to join her where we resume the routine we have when walking together.

*****Page Break*****

I kept her warm up short and moved right into combat. Until now, I hadn't wanted to tell her who she was going against but I think she already knew. I don't regret putting her with him but it didn't stop the worry. That worry turned my actions into being harder during the shorter time we would be working together.

I had just caught one of the kicks she had thrown at me and had a hold of her ankle tightly, holding her in place.

"You are being to predictable again, Kat." I growl out and then start a swing with her leg before I let her go and she goes to the ground. "What have I said this morning about that?"

My eyes are blazing as I look at her while she gets up, her eyes burning gold but still remaining calm.

She huffs and straightens up. "In my previous fights I tend to go for the cleanest hits. Ones that are meant to try and end the fight as quickly as possible with minimum damage."

"It has worked and was appropriate for the people you were fighting, Kat, but the time for easy moves and holding back is over. Tell me what you have seen about Edward? What are his strengths?" I get this out all as I have already started to advance on her again.

Something I have noticed about Kat is that she is brilliant when given time to think but put pressure on her and it seems to amplify. When we spar her mind comes fucking alive. I had at first started this as a distraction technique but soon found it only helped her focus more.

She blocks my punches and jabs before leaping over me in a gymnastics move and launches punches and jabs at my back before I spin to counter her.

"He is controlled and calculating. When he fights he goes for stamina rather than strength but has power behind his hits and kicks." She gets out while circling me and looking for another opening.

"Do you think he has shown all he has?" I already know the answer and she does too.

She scoffs at me. "Hell no. He has been studying since he was ten. There is no way we have seen everything."

"What are the things you both have in common?"

She rolls with a few hits I land while she comes in closer and then lands a few of her own before dancing away again, using her size to dart in and out.

"We both are holding things back, not showing all we have. We both are self taught so…" She stops and pants "...while we might know more in theory, we haven't been able to use it before."

"How can you use that?" I shot back my next question as I move back after having just blocked her kicks.

"He won't know what I am capable of but also he might not know how to counter moves correctly that he has never had experience with before."

My grin is feral after she finishes and the time for talk is over for now. I can tell she sees this too because she gives a small groan just before she braces herself for my onslaught. My fierce pride in her turns into driving her harder. Before the end of our session I have her working to counter moves that I throw at her in a flurry. Not giving her time to think, only react and move.

When we are finished I don't bother to even try and clean her up like I had previously. Our walk to the apartment remains a bit of a parade through the Pit, until I take her through a few of the less well known hallways. While we still keep our distance it allows us to go to this area without raising too many questions.

*****Page Break*****

"Well you two are something to look at." Chase says, shaking his head but smiling at how I look just as banged up as Kat. "She got some damn good hits on you there, Eric."

"Yeah she did." Zach agrees with glee, both of my brothers loving that she is getting so damn good. I am also sure that they thought I deserve that and more for the shit I had done recently.

I shrug with a smirk. "I would gladly take all that and more." I say lowly after she moves off to the bathroom to clean up as much as she was going to allow herself to. She was still insistent that a physical reminder be left for the others to keep reinforcing that she is being punished and what she is being punished for.

I had at first been adamant that I go in there with her, to do what I was coming to see as a ritual for us. Then her eyes had turned glazed and anticipatory and I almost lost it with just her look alone right there in the training room. That had resulted in about a five minute session of her under me on the mat where I barely tore myself away from a kiss that I had meant to be brief. Once again I had to pin her arms to keep them from going where it seemed like she was bound and determined to reach all while trying to keep her also pinned from wiggling her way closer another way.

When I popped up and off of her unable to take anymore, she had growled and followed me...stalking towards me with a determined and pissed off look. I knew going into that bathroom with her was a bad fucking idea if I wanted to keep my sanity and promise.

"So how was the training session? You think she is ready for this?" Zach asks worriedly as he starts to put plates together in the kitchen and I grab our coffees.

"Before he erases it Chase can pull the footage but it went fucking amazing. Focus isn't a problem anymore but the test will be today. Not just her fight either. Tris has another hard fight coming up."

Chase nods, lips thinned. "With how the former Candor has been going at her it is going to be a tense one."

I sigh with a nod and then dig through the bag of medication I had with me, setting out the pills she now needed plus a few others I felt she should have. At least she didn't argue anymore and trusted me to not give her anything heavy.

When I sit down at the table, Chase looks to me and I know the talk is coming. "So you two talked obviously. Did she tell you she saw you?"

It takes me a moment to answer; trying to keep my composure and rage, all directed at myself, inside. I nod tightly. "She did."

He scowls at me and his nostrils are flaring, working to keep in his own temper. "I am going to tell you this and only because I need you to understand exactly how bad that hurt her. She was destroyed by it, Eric. It absolutely wrecked her. You are one lucky fucking asshole. Do you know that?" I go to answer and grind out something but he doesn't let me. "Tell me I am wrong and that you didn't hit the fucking jackpot with a girl willing to forgive some shit like that? She wasn't even angry at you, Eric. Not one fucking bit. Just was willing to accept it because it made sense. That is what she said...that it made sense you would go for them over her."

"I get it Chase god dammit, alright. I already told her and will continue to tell her that it was never them. It will always be her and only her, from now on especially." I bark out to stop him unloading on me.

I know it killed him to not only see her like that, to hear what she was feeling, but to know I was fucking up with the girl he would probably kill to be with.

"Keep it down guys." Zach warns us lowly as we hear the water shut off from the sink in the bathroom.

Chase lets out a breath and closes his eyes. "I'm glad you guys talked, Eric. Really I am. I saw her and she looks fucking happy, you both do. But does it need to be said?"

"I'll hand you the fucking knife myself if I ever do something like that again." I say softly and in all seriousness. "But that isn't going to be an issue man. It took that, I think, for me to realize nothing would compare to what just being with her is like. Not even counting anything else."

He doesn't get to answer but I see understanding and relief in his eyes as Kat comes out and plops down in her chair beside me with a wide smile.

"Time to eat?" She asks with a grin, looking between the three of us.

"Time to take your meds first, princess." Zach scolds her as she reaches for her coffee, then pushes the water to her pointedly.

"Boo." She playfully pouts with a laugh but reaches for the pills and water.

We all grin at her when she doesn't hesitate to down the pills, though she still makes a face at the amount of them. I also don't hesitate to pull her closer to me instead of just holding her hand or putting my hand on her knee. I had wondered how it would be with me like that with her and Chase and Zach around. If I would feel uncomfortable or they would. But even in this we seemed to mesh because while I didn't hesitate to touch her and she didn't pull away or hesitate either, she wasn't clingy or any of the other things I worried about. If anything I was having to keep myself back.

Something I was getting knowing smirks and snickering about from the asses I call brothers. But it was good natured and I could tell they liked seeing me like this. They liked her being there with us too. It was starting to feel like the only real thing in my life, the only parts worth living for anymore, all happened within the walls of my apartment, behind closed doors, or just with her and them beside me.

They and this are the pulsing of my heart, everything else is the silence in between.


	41. Lust For Life

**A/N: I have a minute so here is a short chapter drop. Enjoy.**

 **Chapter 41 - Lust For Life**

 _Kat_

My knee is bouncing under the table in my agitation and impatience. This nervous, frustrated energy seemed to hit me all at once as the breakfast started to wind down. That last make out session in the training room seemed to set me to some kind of breaking point where I literally thought something was about to snap inside of me. Only to have Eric pull away just as I was close to something. I don't know what it was but it had been so close and all I could think was I needed to find out what the hell it was. My body was screaming at me to find out.

I was pissed when he pulled away but I couldn't begin to explain why. All I knew was I was determined he was going to take me there again and if I had my way, before the day was out. At the very least before lunch ended.

I had ideas though, Lynn suggestion fueled ideas. Partially drunken Lynn filled ideas too but those were more on the….advanced side and I didn't think I had the nerve to go there. She had given me books that she had found that helped her to explore when she had been unsure what side of the sexual fence she liked to play. They were romance novels but she called them erotic novels. Twenty pages into one and I understood why.

It had left me blushing but I can now see they are very...informative. Considering my demands for specifics and details on certain things had left Lynn blushing so much you would have thought _she_ was the former stiff, we both felt like the books were the better alternative.

So here I am, itching to get ahold of Eric and a book and see what kind of mischief would ensue. I think he knows how anxious I am because he sure is reluctant to let Zach or Chase leave and leave us alone.

"I am going to go get a shower. Hey Chase, why don't you show Kat our collection of old movies. We have time before we have to be downstairs." Eric says in a strained voice as he once again moved my hand from his thigh where I had been lightly running my fingernails across his pants.

My eyes narrow and I scowl at him while I can hear Chase agreeing from the kitchen where he and Zach had just taken the plates to. "Sure sounds good."

Eric leans in and grabs my chin to make me look at him, his nostrils flared and blue eyes darkened. "Behave." He whispers low enough for only me to hear.

I smirk a little, blushing and say a line straight from the novel I just happened to be reading.. "Or what? Are you going to make me?"

He doesn't quite growl but there is a low rumbling coming from his chest. "Keep it up and I just might, Kat. I don't think you really know what you would be asking for though."

I gulp, eyes wide. Because if it is anything like what happened in the book...I am daring but I don't think I am quite ready for any of that. Whatever is displayed on my face causes Eric to curse a little and chuckle at the same time before he kisses me hard and briefly then stomps away.

The bedroom door slams behind him with a resounding thud, making me jump then blush even more.

Chase and Zach are laughing about something in the kitchen drawing my attention.

"What?" I call out, standing to take my now empty cup of coffee to them.

"Nothing, princess. We were just saying that the rest of initiation might seem like it was dragging by. But after visiting day there are a few off days. That could help to blow off some steam and rest for a bit." Zach said with a smile to me.

I bite my lip and nod, reminded of the day I was dreading the most. Chase comes beside me, a understanding look in his eyes and puts his arm around my shoulders. "Come on sweetheart, let's go pick out a movie to watch. I am sure we have something with martial arts that might interest you."

I beam at him as an answer and let him lead me to the living room. I know they are just trying to distract me. I know Eric is just trying to keep us to whatever his promise all entails. I know I shouldn't be worrying about anything other than my fight right now. But I allow it, I allow myself to plunk on Eric's couch while Chase finds something to watch. I allow myself to curl up and be drawn into a tale of revenge, corruption and redemption all wrapped up into a stunning display of martial arts and artistry.

I am so involved and enjoying myself so much that I don't even think twice when Eric finally emerges from putting himself together, then pulls me up so he can sit in my spot with me in his lap. It feels natural and right. It also feels amazing that when he can tell I am memorizing or trying to memorize moves, all three of them pause the movie or rewind it and either walk me step by step through them or we all analyze them together.

Not once was I made to feel ridiculous for wanting to know more. In fact they seemed to be enjoying it as much if not more than I was. Looking at the three of them at one point as I was sitting on the couch and a moment of them going over a move turned into rough housing; was like looking at what life is supposed to be like. What my life could possibly be like with them and I thought back to Zach's words. I hoped initiation didn't drag on because I couldn't wait to start that life I saw before me; with them, my faction and my family.

The only dark spot that loomed in the distance for me was the answers I needed to get tonight. Not only because of needing to know what was after Eric so I could protect him but also because I knew that to get those answers I would have to go off with Four. And going off with Four felt like a betrayal of some kind to Eric. I just hoped that whatever I found out, I could come back to him with something to help. I had already determined on the roof when I told Eric about Four and I, my hope for us to be friends again, that unless it would cause her or Four harm...I would tell Eric the truth.

I just hope that will be enough for him to forgive me.


	42. Number Boys And Feisty Women

**Chapter 42 - Number Boy's And Feisty Women**

 _Eric_

I knock on the door to Max's office shortly after I got his message he needed to see me right away. We hadn't even gotten to the end of the movie before I was told I needed to be there ASAP. Chase had said he would make sure Kat got to the training room if I wasn't back in time. Something told me I wouldn't.

"Come in." Max's gruff voice is muffled by the old black wood door.

Entering in his office, I stop in my tracks at the sight of Four standing tensely to the side of his desk. We exchange glares until Max clears his throat and looks to Four.

"I'll take care of it. Dismissed." He gives a nod of dismissal to him and then turns his eyes on me. "Eric, come in and take a seat."

I move forward as Four moves out, our eyes holding each other. Mine are cold while his are angry. Not that it isn't particularly hard to have inspired that look in him but I do wonder what I supposedly did now to garner it from him so damn early in the morning.

I don't have time or the inclination to worry about it more as he closes the door behind him and I take a seat.

There is a small weary sigh from Max before it is gone so fast you wouldn't have known it happened if not for the quiet in the room.

"You wanted to see me Max?" I ask in my normal tone, trying to keep out the annoyance of the unexpected meeting.

"I did. I wanted to inform you that the initiate Kat Prior will be serving her punishment that was owed to Four tonight after dinner. Furthermore she will be going outside of the compound with him on a small task I have assigned him."

I was already seething inside that Four had apparently pulled something to get Kat's punishment reinstated. Because yes, I had argued that she was already serving mornings with me and that should and would suffice. Not only that but taking her outside of the compound?

"Absolutely fucking not." I let the objection and outburst I had meant to keep internal and in my head, be yelled out in rage into the cold light of the room.

"Excuse me? I don't think I heard you correctly. Are you countermanding a direct order of your senior officer?" Max asked me coldly, his eyes hard and narrowed at me.

"No sir. I am wondering why an untried initiate is being taken on any tasks that a _trained member_ should be fully able to do by themselves." I grit out, unable to keep in the rage and knowing I am digging myself deeper here. My entire body is trembling with the thought of Kat being anywhere outside in the city with just fucking Four with her. Anywhere with Four at all even!

Not. Fucking. Happening.

"She is hardly untried and a damn site more capable then even some of our members. As for why she is being taken, that would be because I have ordered it. Or do you not believe in following orders anymore?" His tone is still the same but the implication has my blood running cold.

"No sir. I still believe in following orders. I apologize for my outburst but the attack is still fresh in my mind. I am anxious to get answers and find out who was behind it." All truths and hopefully enough to redirect his focus.

His eyes narrow at me and he snorts. "While that is true let's not pretend your outburst was for any other reason than being your simple interest in the initiate in question."

"I can admit she has potential and I…"

Max stands up and waves his hand impatiently. "Cut the shit Eric. I have eyes in my head and while I may have been Dauntless born I do have a brain that is fully functional. I have also known you for eight damn years and I know the signs of a man, _you_ , being interested in a woman. I also know the signs of that same woman interested in the man. Your reaction alone just confirmed what I already suspected. So here is how this is going to go. I am going to ask you some questions and you are going to be truthful with me. Understood?"

I nod tersely and try not to let the fact that my mouth is dry in worry show too much. "Yes sir."

"Was your earlier assessment of the two initiates in question at all because of your emotional involvement with Kat Prior?" He leans against his desk, arms crossed over his chest and watching me closely.

I shake my head and answer honestly. "No sir. I do not believe either of the Prior's to be threats in the least by what I have seen so far. On the contrary I think both of them will do well here. I can say I have more hopes for Kat than Tris and that would be due in some part to my connection to her. But mainly it is because I do and have from the beginning saw a potential there that I quite frankly haven't seen for years since coming here."

He tilts his head and looks at me for a moment longer then nods. "I agree. On all fronts. She does have potential, they both do. That is why their training and making member must come first above all else. You say you have hopes for her, I am glad you can admit that it comes in some part from your emotional connection. Because that might just make it all that more important for you to make sure that isn't tainted by objections or rumors that could be raised."

"Her training and place here is the first priority I have sir." I answer again honestly and feeling a sense of dread at where this is going. I don't know what I am going to do if he orders me to keep away from Kat. I know I need to, have known I needed to for the very fucking reasons he just stated. I just don't know if I can.

"Good. Because if I get wind that you are using your influence or position to alter any of her standings or ranks then you will both find yourselves among the factionless before you can blink."

My face darkens at this but I nod. "Understood Sir."

Max turns from me with a nod and walks over to the large window at the back of his office. There aren't many offices with windows and none very large, but being the senior leader does afford some privileges and this is one of them.

He is standing with his back to me, arms still crossed over his chest and it is quiet for a few minutes. I am wondering when he is going to let the hammer drop and order me to stay away from Kat until initiation is over.

"It was brought to my attention that Kat might be able to at least get us a direction in which to start our search on the attack, that is why I have ordered her to accompany Four tonight. Further details I will not provide. I am only telling you because I am also issuing you an order." He turns back towards me, his eyes stern.

 _Here it comes._

" _You_ are to go nowhere near those two or hinder them while they are outside of the compound tonight. Four has been set a time limit and will return the initiate to the compound by the appointed time. I have assured Four that all anyone, including you, would be told is that she will be serving her punishment with him checking the status of a few cameras at the edge of our sector."

Max finishes speaking and comes to sit back in his chair, his eyes holding mine meaningfully and I try to determine what he hasn't said but actually means. It takes a few moments but the hidden meaning becomes clear.

"Am I understood Eric?" Max asks, leaning forward.

I nod in reply. "Very clear, sir."

Max nods with a slight smirk. "Good. Now I believe you have training to oversee. As I understand it a few of the fights are set to be a challenge for a couple of the initiates. I am sure you will want to be present for those to make sure all goes smoothly."

I hesitate to get up at first, watching as Max seems to dismiss me by looking down at his desk while picking up a pen and beginning to write on something. Noticing my almost stunned silence, he looks up and quirks an eyebrow. "Was there something further that needed my attention, Coulter?"

I frown and rise, shaking my head. "No sir."

I turn to go after he nods but am stopped by him calling me. "Oh and Eric...I expect that in Erudite you learned what the words discreet and discretion mean, correct?"

I look back over my shoulder at him, eyebrow raised to see he hasn't looked up from his scribblings.

"I did." I answer simply.

"Good." He replies just as simply. "Dismissed."

I don't answer back, I have nothing to say anyways. I head out and shut the door softly behind me. Still reeling a bit. The anger and worry I am feeling for what Kat is being made to do is simmering on a back burner for the moment, ready for me to call it forth at any second.

Right now I am reeling from the fact that I think I was just given permission to carry on my relationship with Kat. I just don't fucking know why Max of all people would be giving me that. My mind starts to work a million miles a minute trying to analyze motives, gains, manipulations or threats behind it and I come up with a million and one. All of which don't make sense but are plausible in a paranoid sort of way.

I look at my watch and see there isn't much time for me before training starts but enough for me to go to my office where I can sit, think and plan.

First item I think about is the main focus now that I am in the quiet of my office. Four and whatever he is taking Kat to do with him.

Max had said that it was brought to his attention that she could help in getting a direction of where the investigation had to go. Why? What could Kat, a former Abnegation dependant, offer? Then it hits me...the fucking factionless. She had run ins with them but that wouldn't help her get information. Unless she could use that she is Natalie Prior's daughter. Hadn't she said some of the factionless recognized her and her sister and helped them?

That had to be it. Four was taking her off somewhere to speak with Factionless. This makes me even more determined to stop it but I know I can't. I can't pull rank here and trying to get her out of it any other way would be very bad news for the both of us.

Then there was the unspoken and implied meaning Max had in his orders. He had told me a little of what they were going to be doing. Enough that he knew I would figure it out. He also pointedly said that I could go nowhere near them or hinder them.

So he wants Four to be able to carry through with his plans but he wants eyes on them. Now that I could and would fucking work with.

I would need to get with Chase. There were a few guys we could mobilize out in the field but we would need to rely on our vid feeds. I also know I am going to be ready and at the first sign of trouble, I don't care what Max says, I am getting Kat out of there.

I cut it close in making it to training, Kat is already there and looking worried. As soon as she sees me she relaxes a little but tries not to show it or look at me. She is also looking extremely pissed and murderous at the moment. All her anger seems to be directed at none other than Molly, the former candor her sister is going to fight today.

 _Oh fucking joy._

The names aren't posted yet so it has to be something that happened. Tris is even looking off today. Both the sisters have that look in their eye and it spells fucking trouble. I just don't know for whom yet.


	43. A Little Violence Never Hurt Anyone

**A/N: What does a girl do when she stuck waiting for her moving truck? Post a chapter of course! Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 43 - A Little Violence Never Hurt Anyone**

 _Kat_

Eric pulled me into his room just after he got a message from Max. His presence was being demanded right away in the senior leader's office. He was trying not to look worried but I could see it there.

He has me pulled tightly against him with us both leaning against the door to his room. "Chase will make sure you get to the training room but I should be there no later than by the time training starts."

I don't know if he is trying to reassure me or himself as he has my head tilted and looking into my eyes. Maybe both.

"It's ok Eric. I understand you have responsibilities as a leader. Just….if it is being called out on patrols again...please be careful." I whisper with a frown, clutching his shirt tightly.

He smirks at me and runs a hand down my side until he gets to my hip and grips me tightly. "Always. I don't think that is what is going on but if it is I will get a message to you through Chase or Zach."

I nod but don't get a chance to reply before he pulls me in for a kiss. Then any thoughts I had or things I had been about to say flee my mind right away. I raise up on my tiptoes and loop my arms around his neck then try to practically climb him in an effort to get closer and more contact. He groans into my mouth then slides his hands around until my ass is completely in them and lifts me up, guiding my legs to go to either side of his waist.

A quick flip on his part and I am against the wall while he is pressed into me. Our mouths working furiously against each other. Still learning and exploring each other. It feels like every kiss with Eric is different yet each one feels like we have been right here with each other for much longer than the few weeks we have known each other.

The pulsing throbbing ache is still there and getting stronger but so is something else. I think I get why Abnegation say that contact like this should be reserved for those that mean something. Because if it were anyone but Eric, I know it would never feel like he makes me feel to the very heart of me.

We break away from the kiss only after his phone goes off one more time.

"You have to go, Eric." He had grasped me tighter at the sound of his phone and I knew that was his way of trying to deny what he knew was needed. "I'll be fine and will see you in training soon."

He nods as he is kissing along my neck then stops with a sigh at a clearing throat in the next room. "See you soon."

He lets me down slowly, then moves us away from the door and opens it. He steps through, grabbing his jacket and swings it on with a wink back to me. He says something to them I don't catch before he is out of the front door quickly.

Zach smiles at me but looks worried. "Want to finish watching the movie? We have time before you and Chase have to leave."

I frown in thought and shake my head. "I don't think I could sit still. Could we go see if my sister is up? I want to….well I really did have a bad dream about her last night."

Chase nods in understanding. "Yeah we can head down there right now. I can check on my people. Lauren has been pretty useless after a big party in the past." He mutters this with an angry huff.

I hadn't heard great things about Lauren from Lynn either. I hadn't interacted much with her but I wasn't looking forward to when they combined things and I would be forced to.

Zach stays behind to lock up apparently so Chase and I head out. As we walk I feel like I need to say something to him about last night.

Maybe he was thinking the same thing before he nudged me with his elbow and was looking at me with a small smile, making the sides of his eyes crinkle slightly. "Are you really ok after last night? I just want to be sure because...I know this is new to you."

I bite my lip and nod. "I am, better than ok really. I was just thinking that I wanted to thank you for being there for me last night. Your advice helped."

He shrugged with a sigh and a smile. "I'll always be here for you, sweetheart. But I am glad I was there last night too."

"I would say that I hope one day I can return the favor and be able to give you advice but I don't see that happening. I can say that if you ever just need someone to listen, I'll be here for you too, Chase." I say lowly with a smile over to him.

He gives a small chuckle and nods. "I appreciate that, Kat. More than you could know. Thank you."

We are coming up to the outside of the dorm when he stops and looks to me. There is genuine happiness in those words but also weight behind them that I think comes from the rarity of true and unconditional friendships.

"You don't have to thank me Chase, but you are welcome." As we start walking again we can hear laughter coming from the door, pulling my attention away. I sigh and nod to him. "I am going to go in and check on Tris and see if she has eaten yet."

"Ok. Remember the plan during fights Kat. From the start...go into your focusing. Got it?" His tone had switched to the stern instructor he could be in a flash.

I smirk at him and nod. "Will do Sir." I salute him and then walk into the dorm leaving him chuckling as he walks away.

Tris isn't in the dorm, I know this immediately. Molly, Drew, Sally and even Al are there. Al is over sitting on his bed, quiet and looking red. The others are laughing their asses off about something while Molly is clutching a towel in her hands.

"Oh, look it's the other stiff. Hey stiff number two, why don't you give us a show as well. Maybe it will be better than the one we just got. Although, I don't see how. Are you even really twenty? You and your sister look like little girls instead of women."

I hadn't noticed I started to walk forward towards Molly as she was taunting me, staring at the towel in her hand and listening to her words. The rage I feel when anyone I care for is threatened starts to boil up in me.

I don't know if something in my face caused alarm but Sally scrambled away quickly at a dead run as I slowly walked towards Molly and Drew. They were still oblivious and laughing, making jokes.

My lips curl up in a wicked grin and I take slow measured breaths, knowing I should go to my focused place but not even wanting to. If she hurt Tris in any way, she was going to pay dearly and however I could get away with.

"What are grinning for, Stiff? Are too stupid to recognize an insult when you hear one? Should I put it into simpler terms for you? You are unfuckable stiff. Only someone desp…"

"What the fuck is going on in here?" Is barked behind me by a voice that only sort of pierces through the haze of anger I have.

I am still walking towards Molly, hands clenched to my sides and preparing to unleash hell on her. Until a hand is clamped on my shoulder and spins me around. "I asked you a question, Initiates. What is going on here?"

Four is glaring at the two behind me while his grip is tight on my shoulder, purposely biting his nails into me and trying to get me to snap out of it.

"Nothing Sir." Molly simpers slightly before dropping the towel in her hand and smirking as she started to walk past Four and I.

His jaw clenches and he narrows his eyes at the towel then her. "Get to the training room, all of you." When they are past us he looks down to me finally. "Whatever it is, whatever it was Kat, you need to let it go."

Everything in me wants to turn my rage on him for those words. "Let. It. Go." I say each word slowly, punctuated by a pause. I breath in slowly, my nostrils flaring at the action and smile at him tightly. "Sure Four. I can do that. I can let the insults she hurled at me go, no problem. Her opinion means shit to me." I raise my hand and push his hand off of my shoulder forcefully. "I can even let them hurling insults at Tris go, because again, their opinions mean shit. But make no mistake, if what I think went on in here, I will be letting something go and no one better get in my way. Not. Even. You."

His lips thinned and he shook his head at me. "Whatever it is will work itself…"

"Tell me Four, have you seen my sister this morning? Better question...why was Molly...fully dressed and completely dry….holding a towel fresh from being used in a shower? If you can answer me that along with her insinuations and it be anything other than what I know just happened...then I will…" I pause and sneer at him "let it go."

I can see the sides of Four I know well warring. The need to protect and the desire to avoid unnecessary conflict. His jaw clenches and he shakes his head. "Don't do anything stupid. I will….I will look for Tris. You head to the training room. I also came to tell you that I talked with Max and he has agreed to let you serve your punishment with me. It will be an authorized punishment outside of the compound."

I frown and tense at this. Authorized means reported, which means Chase and Eric will know. He was already going to be pissed about me serving a punishment with Four but knowing it would be going out of the compound…

Four lets out a sigh in front of me. "It is being recorded and all anyone will know is that you are going to check on cameras at the edge of the sector with me."

I nod with a frown still on my face. I am not sure it mattered what it was being listed as. I just hoped Eric didn't decide to tag along or follow. I could see him doing both.

"Get to the training room Kat." Four said, moving off from me, bent on finding Tris.

That snapped me out of my worries about tonight and brought me to my current state of events. I practically stormed out of the dorm and along the way to the training room. Before I could even get there though I was met by Peter.

"Whoah there, Stiff. You look like you are about to go…" He looks at me as my eyes snap up to him.

"Did you do it Peter? Were you there with them when they did whatever to her?" I demand of him angrily, advancing on him.

His forehead wrinkles in confusion and holds up his hands. "I have no clue what you are fucking talking about, Stiff. I have spent most of the fucking morning looking for your tiny ass. I swear I don't know how one little girl gets lost so fucking easily."

I scowl at him, shaking my head. "Where I was is none of your business but I wasn't lost. I have punishments every morning for the foreseeable future, remember."

"Oh yeah, those." He says and rolls his eyes with a sigh and scratching his head. "Look, I really don't know what you are talking about though."

I glare him down and finally huff and turn to resume my walk to the training room. "Fine. But you better hope I don't find out different."

I hiss at him and slam into the training room. My eyes move around the room and still am not seeing my sister. Peter mumbled something like 'fucking fantastic' and then wandered over to his friends. Who I am not really sure are even his friends anymore because he is always wandering away as if he is distancing himself from them. Not that I blame him really.

More and more he has been hanging around me or my friends. Never quite getting involved but we have also stopped trying to guess at what he is up to or thinking anything of it.

I can tell by their smirks they aren't wasting time in relaying whatever shit they have been up to. I whirl away and watch the door. Four comes in shaking his head at my look of questioning and I growl, pacing.

When Tris comes in finally...I know. I see it in her eyes. Whatever they did was bad enough to royally piss her off. She stalks towards the board and I stalk towards her. We meet in the middle and I let her have her moment of quiet, knowing her like I do.

Her friends don't and Al questioning her has me eyeing him with venom. He is playing like he wasn't there for whatever it was and it is pissing me off. Maybe he wasn't there but he knows something happened.

Tris' eyes are narrowed and waiting as Four writes the names from a paper slowly on the board.

"I don't want to talk about it, Kat. I don't feel like talking it out. What I want to do…"

I smirk and nod. "Then do it...use it. No hesitation."

She looks over to me with a small tight smile and nods. When Four moves away I see a brief flash of smugness when she sees the name beside hers. Molly. My smirk gets even wider.

The only downside is that it is the last one of the day while mine is somewhere in the middle.

Eric does end up coming in and the worry I had been carrying around about him being called out on patrols eases. Now I can focus on the fights and getting even with Drew and Molly.

"Everyone listen up!" Eric's voice booms out, pulling me from my watching the two who have my blood boiling. "Because this is the last day of stage one and the pairings are more advanced, we will not be doing any weapons or physical training today. We will warm up and go into fights right away." He pauses and looks to me, his eyes hard and commanding. "I want everyone to focus and remember that these are scored heavily. Remember your training and show us what you have."

He had started to look out over everyone, as his cold voice and hard eyes took us all in. But I knew his words were for me. How could he have failed to notice my state when he came in or as I tried to bore holes into Molly and Drew with my stare? He was telling me that I better not let it affect me.

With a tight jaw and a small nod to him I let him know I understood. Four called for us to start our warm ups and I moved off to have some space to start my meditation but also warm ups. I was hoping to be slightly alone but that wasn't to be.

Peter moved to my area and was looking pinched in the face. "I swear, I didn't know what they were going to do, Stiff."

I look to the side where he is doing his own stretches and talking to me lowly. I believe him for some reason. "I believe you." I reply simply.

He sighs and shakes his head. "She did it on purpose you know. Trying to unsettle and intimidate you both. You, because we have all seen how you are about your sister and Tris because well she seems like the weaker of you two."

I don't respond right away but think about it. It makes sense and we always knew we would be targets because of the cuts that would be going on. This was the last day of stage one. It was only going to get worse.

"Why are you telling me all of this, Peter?" I ask quietly after I switch my exercise.

"Stiff….I couldn't even fucking tell you at this point. I am not sure myself. But I did and it is up to you what you do with it." He huffs in annoyance.

His frustration and demeanor cause me to smile a little and then I laugh because I know he is going to hate what I am going to do next. "Thank you." I get out, trying to bite back my smile.

Peter stops, snaps up to standing, eyes wide and scowling. "Whatever." He says before he storms off and takes another place away from me to continue.

I start back to my warm up with a small smile and chuckle. Every once in awhile I look over to Peter and once I catch him looking in my direction with the tiniest bit of a smile on his face.

 _Wait...am I becoming friends with Peter Hayes?_

I shook my head and scoffed at myself. There was no way that was happening.

I stuck near Tris after that and she still wasn't talking much. Not even to her friends which let me know that it had been pretty damn bad. That got my temper back up but I began to work through my focusing techniques to keep me calm. My fight would be coming up and I needed to plan and evaluate. All I knew was this was not going to be one I came out with barely any hits or bruising. Even knowing that I looked forward to it. Something I could see Edward sharing as he would glance my way from time to time.

When it came time for our fight we shared small smiles of excitement before those wiped away and we became serious. When Eric called to begin, I didn't even have time to register the tight worry I knew was behind his barked out command.

Edward came out fast and hard and it was on.

******Page Break*****

Edward smiled at me as he was sitting up on the bed directly opposite me, his nose and mouth a bloody mess just as surely as mine was. The nurse attending him was tsking about something lowly while Shauna had my head in her grasp, eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

"How is the other pain right now?" She asked quietly as she started injecting the gash above my eye and into my eyebrow with what I am sure was one of the lesser healing serums to close it up faster.

"Honestly, it hurts like a bitch up and down my spine but it will pass." I say with a shrug that hurts like hell to give. Every part of my back but more down my spine feels like ground zero for lightning strikes.

I had taken several hits there. Some because I had to sacrifice getting hit somewhere to get mine in and some because Edward targeted the area. Once I had involuntarily let out the scream when the first hit had connected, he had known. I give him credit that he tried not to hit those until the absolute last when he needed to hit the most effective areas. That was my weaker point and he had to go for it.

In the end I had won but just very, very barely. It wasn't a knockout but I did knock the wind out of him with a punch that I had just seen in the movie we were watching this morning. I had been struggling and reacting defensively. Trying to come up with something, anything to give me at least the upper hand. That one move came to mind and I went with it. It shocked him and had him out of breath enough that I was able to land a solid spin kick to his head that had him going to the ground disoriented.

At the end of the fight my eyes had immediately gone to where Four and Eric stood. Only Four was there and Eric hadn't been anywhere to be seen. Not until I was hobbling my way to the clinic with Peter helping me along.

Shauna sighs in front of me with a nod and finishes what she is doing without saying much else. I am sure she already knows that I won't be taking the meds I know she wants to give me.

"You really aren't upset with me?" Edward asks for about the twentieth time since I finally joined him in the clinic.

After Eric had snarled at Peter to leave and then pulled me to another hallway where he looked me over with tight anger. After it had taken me almost five minutes to assure him I was much better off than I looked. After I got him to calm down enough to not go into the clinic and beat the shit out of Edward. That was apparently why he had to leave and wait for me to come out. Because he had been seconds from tearing Edward apart for going after those spots. It also killed me to see the guilt in Eric's eyes when he told me this.

I sigh and shake my head at Edward with a smile. "I really am not upset with you. I know you tried not to go for those spots Edward but..it was a weakness and you needed to do it eventually." I shrug again at him.

Shauna grumbles beside me as she starts dabbing something to cuts on my face and nose. It isn't the normal cleaner and feels tingly. My eyes narrow at her because she starts to smirk a little as she is working.

I roll my eyes after an idea of what it is hits me and concentrate on Edward again as he starts to speak after he has a few fingers taped up that got bent back in one of my hold breaks. "I am glad you aren't mad. Is it messed up to say I really enjoyed that fight? You made me have to think and fast."

I smiled back him and nodded. "I enjoyed it too, so we are both messed up I guess."

Shauna snorts and shakes her head. "Welcome to Dauntless. Land of the clinically insane."

Edward and I laugh, each of us wincing a little bit at the action. Then Edward looks to me as we are both almost finished being worked on. "You realize you won all your fights right? That will mean major points."

I frown and shake my head. "I don't know. They didn't tell us how the points or rankings work but based on what the progression of fights were set to…"

"Who you won against and their skill level will determine if you got or lost points." Edward finishes with a nod, which has me nodding back.

"At least two of my fights weren't exactly on the same skill level so I am not sure how that will fall for me." I answer with my worry honestly.

Mayra and Al were both worries for me in my rankings.

Edward's face turns serious and I know he is thinking about his girlfriend.

I bite my lip and debate asking. Once again I am reminded that I really need to work on showing everything in my expression.

"You are wondering if she came because of me. I wish I could say that she didn't but she did. We didn't talk about what we got on our tests but I think she knew going in what I was likely to get. I still don't know what she got but if I had to guess...it would have been Amity. But she promised me she wouldn't choose where I went if that wasn't where she was meant to go. We both promised each other. But when it came time…" He trailed off, looking at his hands.

I nod in understanding but sigh as well. "Edward, have you two talked about...you know…"

He shakes his head, his eyes looking pained. "We haven't been able to bring ourselves to that."

"You two are done and can head on back." Shauna proclaims after checking over our recorded charts on her tablet files for us.

Then she smiles at me widely. "Lynn is going to be ecstatic that you won but also kind miffed. She just lost her fight with Dante and ruined her record."

I groaned but also had a smile on my lips, feeling a little good about my achievement. "Maybe I can bribe her out of her grumpy mood with cake."

With that Edward and I head back to the training room. I set the pace to be slightly brisk because I don't want to miss Tris' fight. I got amused looks as well as one very stern one when I burst into the training room. I didn't care, I had just made it back in time.

I gave Tris a reassuring nod since she still wasn't speaking as she headed into the ring. She walked in looking more calm then when she had stormed in this morning. As soon as Molly came in and started with her taunting it flared to life in her eyes again.

In the end it wasn't a long fight. Tris had struggled in finding her opening but when she did she went after her with a vengeance. Something that Four looked at Tris in tight anger for and it had my blood boiling at him. Had I not been still working to keep focused I might have just went after the instructor verbally...or even physically.

As it is he sent Tris off and with a look I let Eric know I was going with her. We walked through the hallways until we found a good place to talk by some kind of fountain. I slid down the wall next to her and leaned against her side.

"Was it really bad of me, how I went after her at the end?" Tris asked quietly.

I sigh and shake my head. "No Tris, don't let Four get to you. Look...this is new to us. This fighting and using our aggressive sides. We have to learn ourselves and what works for us to focus, to control the sides we haven't used before. Just because you are good at fighting and might be a little more agressive in a fight doesn't mean you are some kind of monster."

She nods for a moment and then bites her lip as if she is forming her thoughts. "I don't know why it upset me so much. What she did. Maybe it was just the words or just feeling violated on top of it."

I take breaths to calm myself and look to her. "What exactly did they do? I can guess but I want to know."

"I was just out of the shower and had to go get new clothes because the ones I had pulled were the ones we were given at first. They didn't fit because I guess I have filled out or something. They blocked my way and taunted me then when I tried to get away they took the towel away. I ran but they saw everything and were laughing at me, calling me a child." Her tone gets strained and angry at the end.

I take a breath to calm myself and plot how to get even. The best way I can see doing that is making sure we outrank her and drive her ranking down. That would be the nonviolent way and the most effective way as well. Then again, a little violence never hurt anyone.

I huff at myself and turn to my sister, who needs reasonable Kat right now.

"I don't know about you Tris, but since coming to Dauntless I have been more...aware...of just how different I am then some of the women here." I start out slowly, planning what I am going to say without giving too much away.

She sighs and puts her head back on the wall. "Me too. I wonder...I mean why would anyone go for me over the women here?"

I nod and smile at her, considering I had just been where she is. Still am if I am being truthful. I don't know how long or if that will ever go away. So I answer her truthfully based on how my conversation went and what that made me feel like. "I would like to think that the person that we….end up looking at in a relationship type of way...would never be the type of guy that would go on looks alone. That he will appreciate and desire me because of those ways I am different in looks and personality. That he accepts me just as I am and I can only hope that I do the same for him."

Tris smiles at me and chuckles a little. "Very wise of you, Kat. I hope for the same but how will we know? That is all good to plan for but it doesn't make this...insecurity go away."

I pause with my head tilted and in thought. "I don't know if the insecurity for anyone ever goes away. I think...there might always be one thing or another that makes us feel that way. As far as knowing, I guess the only way to know is to ask or talk about it when you find that person."

That was easier said then done in her case and I knew it. I know Tobias and getting him to open up about anything was like pulling teeth. I also knew he needed to change that and fast. It was part of what I was going to be talking to him about tonight. He needed to talk to my sister and be open with her about so many things. Not only for my relationship with her to not suffer but also for her to be happy.

She sighs and nods in thought and we sit there for a bit longer before we both hear each other's stomachs growling. With laughs I get up and help her stand then we both head to the dining hall for lunch.

Lynn had been waiting but the doors outside of the dining hall and sighed in relief when she saw us. She then had pointedly told me that there had been talk of a search party being sent out. I knew the moment I stepped into the dining hall that hadn't been an exaggeration based on the expressions coming from our table.

The table got crowded fast when Will and Christina had joined us. Somehow I had ended up sandwiched between Lynn and Eric. Tris had tried to sit as far from Eric as she could but ended up across the table from me and in between Zeke and Uri.

There was excited talk about the fights. Lynn wasn't as upset about me beating her out with my undefeated record. I had tried to object heavily that I didn't count at least two of my fights as wins. Even Tris had scowled and griped me out before she had smirked at me proudly.

Christina had started to make a comment but Will had interjected jovially that we should celebrate not only my record but just all of us surviving mostly intact from the fights.

I agreed that I would like to get the second tattoo I had planned to go along with the first one I got and was debating piercings but was wanting to heal up more before I did those. Mar convinced Tris and I to go with her to the shops to look for something nice for visiting day.

Tris and I had been reluctant to at first. It felt like getting our hopes up for something we both just knew wasn't going to happen. But then I think Tris and I both realized that it shouldn't stop us from still wanting to live our lives and have fun. So we had agreed and I had even asked Lynn to help me out with a hairstyle I wanted to try out.

If I was going to stand in the Pit, it would be as a Dauntless. Not a little stiff playing at being a Dauntless until her parents came to call. It also felt like I was armoring myself. With a look out of the corner of my eye I took in Eric and wondered if that was what he felt like with his meticulous maintenance of his appearance.

Eric didn't talk much but at the mention of tattoos and my latest one he had perked up and gotten a look in his eyes. I found out why a moment later when I felt his hand on my knee under the table and then felt a distinct pattern of tapping.

Apparently when Uri had brought up not understanding the meaning behind the triangles formed with the odd combination of long lines, short lines and dots I had mentioned it was a form of a code. I hadn't said more than that or what it all meant because honestly it was all meant for me and I hadn't counted on anyone really knowing it.

So when I felt Eric tapping out the familiar pattern I had at first jerked in surprise at that more than him touching me. I wasn't worried exactly that he would figure out what the words meant combined together but it was a shock.

He was testing me with his tapped out question.

 _Morse Code?_

I paused and shifted, moving my hand to lay on top of his on my leg then tapped out my reply.

 _Yes._

He paused as well and I thought I saw worry before he smirked a little.

 _Interesting. Dinner my apartment._

Even though he hadn't uttered a word it was all still a command and I knew it even had he not squeezed my hand before withdrawing his. Not even waiting for me to answer or expecting an argument. I didn't mind it, maybe cause my damn hormones leaped to the forefront. Giddy for a chance to play.

I was blushing the entire rest of the lunch. Eric had left before the rest of us when a few leaders had wanted a briefing on the end of the first stage of training. Chase, Four, and Lauren had trailed after looking looking serious compared to how lighthearted lunch had been.

Then I remembered that in just a few days time several of us could be gone. It was sobering and I could tell the others felt the same too. It made our celebration time all the more important.

Before any of that happened though I was determined to get a shower and cleaned up. At the mention of it, and after Tris had made a few comments at lunch about her fight and using her anger, Lynn had picked up on my tension. Suddenly Lynn and Mar were all for having us go to the Dauntless-born dorms to get cleaned up and changed. Something Tris and I were grateful for.

Mar got Tris to wear makeup and both girls helped us with our hair. I learned how to put my hair in what Lynn called the braid style as a faux mohawk. The sides were tight to the scalp with a few braids along it. Down the middle the braid was done in a chunky dutch braid but tucked in at the back, keeping it off my neck. It made me feel Dauntless and I loved it. I also loved that I didn't have to commit to cutting my hair just yet. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cut or color it at the moment.

Something Tris seemed to echo but she did let Mar do a long fishtail braid that seemed to suit my sister. It was Dauntless but had just a touch of Abnegation in it as well.

Shopping was done first which was painful for me because Christina tagged along. Remembering that I was resolved to try, I made more of an effort to ignore the former candor's grating personality and just get along.

Bud had smirked knowingly when I came in to get the tattoo I had been waiting to get. He had been positive when I told him why I was waiting that it wouldn't be necessary. I could tell he was congratulating himself that he was right. It surprised me when Uri, Lynn and Mar all asked if they could get the same tattoos but it shouldn't have. They had all been mentioning matching tattoos for forever and when they found out the meaning of what I got they thought it fitting.

What floored me was Tris and Will wanting them. Will had a glint in his eyes and I could tell the former Erudite was giddy at the choice and blending his old faction with the new. Christina had turned down the tattoos when Will had tried to convince her to join in. Honestly, while I was glad she didn't get them. I also hated seeing Will and Tris' face falling a little at her refusal and scoffing at the tattoo itself.

I kept my mouth shut for now, not wanting to ruin things but I promised next time I would be giving the girl a piece of my mind.

The rest of the day passed by quickly and before I knew it, it was dinner time. It took some maneuvering but with Lynn's help I was able to slip away. Halfway to Eric's I was met by Zach who smiled at me before leading me down the more out of the way paths to the apartment.

Nervous energy coursed through me and I couldn't say it was all because of being around Eric. I was nervous because now that it was coming to it I didn't know if I could lie to him even though I knew I would need to or I would never be allowed out of the compound.

Images of those men aiming at Eric flooded my mind and in it, he was laid on the ground. It was him that was hit but not with the darts. Eric dying and bleeding out in my mind's eye steeled my resolve and I knew what I needed to do.


	44. Testing Limits

**A/N: Still without interwebs...going on day one million and two. The toddler has lost his mind and can only repeat Po, Panda or Powa Ranga (power rangers and soooo not my fault. Damn Netflix and giving my other half the ability to relive his childhood). Hoping this message in a bottle completes its journey. Hope you all enjoy the new chapter.**

 **Chapter 44 - Testing Limits**

 _Eric_

"I am encouraged by the results of both classes this year. I know there was some…" Max pauses and looks over the top of his tablet in Four's then my direction pointedly "...disagreement about the new rules for fights. While I admit there were a significant amount of injuries this year there also have been some surprising results."

My lips thin a little, though I couldn't argue with that. Going into training, before Kat came along, I hadn't thought twice about the fight changes. In fact that was one aspect I was fully on board with. It would sniff out weakness but also build strength. Before Kat I hadn't cared about how it would foster brutality in conjunction with the knowledge of cuts happening.

Fuck, I had even looked forward to it. I still loved the fight aspect even if I hated seeing Kat hurt at all. But it made her fucking come alive and stronger. Even her sister had proved that given the right motivation it could be done. It showed the strengths and weaknesses of them all.

"That being said we have some difficult decisions to make. I would like full reports from all the instructors on each initiate based on the criteria we established before training began. I am also offering the opportunity for mentions of any standouts to be listed. I don't just mean the good I also mean the bad. After each of you has worked out the scoring, submit that to leadership for final review. You have until the end of the day tomorrow to get those ranks in and the day after that we will announce the cuts." Max instructs with a firm and gravel tone.

He dismisses us but motions for me to stay behind.

"Eric, during your evaluations I would like you to leave out your estimate of the attack during capture. I will be adding my own personal observations and I believe the other three instructors will be adding theirs as well. Being the target of the attack, your appraisal could be called into question and we don't want that. Am I understood?"

I take a moment to think it over but nod to him. It is a smart way to go about things. "Understood Sir."

"Good. Now about Visiting Day. I will need you to make the speech to our initiates in regards to what we are expecting. As always you will be expected to keep an eye on things but I don't expect you to engage with any of the families." Max smirks at my pained look but then he gets serious. "Coincidentally, there is a rumor that Andrew Prior has mentioned attending tomorrow. Should that be the case I would like close eyes, preferably those we trust, on not only him but also for him. It would not do to have a leader of another faction have something befall him while on our soil. Especially right now."

I felt a stirring of something at this news. A mix or nervousness and pleasure along with a tension at the stress of the entire day. "I will personally see to it then. Where is this rumor coming from, if I may ask?"

Max had turned after I gave my assurance and was looking back at something on his tablet. "It was overheard while he was mentioning something to Marcus' assistant during the meeting yesterday."

Relief coursed through me that the source wasn't from my conversation with the elder Abnegation man. "Well then I will make sure to have eyes during the day."

"I am sure you will." Max replied dismissively. "Be sure to remember our conversation from this morning."

With that he turned completely signifying he was done with the conversation.

Like I was going to forget that conversation and what he implied on many levels. With a sigh I went to my office to work on scoring and rankings until Chase could meet me to discuss the plans for the night.

I was already planning on getting dangerously close to being anything but discreet with what I wanted to do for dinner. I realized I was testing myself badly by planing to have Kat alone in the apartment. But we had things to talk about and they weren't things that could be discussed in front of either of my friends.

Chase joined me a few hours later with his own scoring and rankings while we went over the plans for tonight.

"Our best option is just to keep an open feed to view their progress but have a unit ready to mobilize should the need arise. I thought about having a few of our guys tail them but Four will be looking for that." Chase wasn't any happier with what was going down tonight.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes in frustration. "If only I could get ahold of some those damn trackers from Erudite. She might not like it but I wouldn't hesitate to inject her ass in heartbeat."

Chase chuckled a little but then frowned. "I don't know that I would trust those damn things though."

Knowing he was right I let my head fall back against the headrest of my leather chair. "Giving her a phone would be too telling and would make Four suspicious as hell. So couldn't even use the tracking system on that." I grumbled moodily.

Chase smiled at me, trying to be reassuring but neither of us liked the situation at all. Our hands were also tied. "You still doing dinner with her at the apartment?"

"Mhmmm." I reply, purposely not looking up at him and instead going over his scoring and rank suggestions for the Dauntless-born.

"You think you are going to be able to handle that?" I can hear the fucking smirk in his voice without even looking up.

"Are you suggesting I do not have sufficient control to be able to handle it?" I look up and quirk an eyebrow at him.

He breaks out into a wide grin and laughs. "I am suggesting that Kat would tempt the fucking pre war Pope without even trying. I am also suggesting that I saw her determined look at breakfast so you, my friend, might just be in for a world of hurt."

I groan a little and my face gets pained remembering this morning's training session and also how she had seemed seconds from jumping me if given any chance at breakfast. Shaking my head I scowl. "Well, I am just going to have to risk it. She and I need to have a talk and as much as I am glad you guys have been there for me during all of this.." I trail off meaningfully.

Chase holds up his hands in surrender a half amused and pained look on his face. "Not exactly a conversation I want to be there for either. But if you are going to want to eat anything other than sandwiches or pick up something from the dining hall…."

He trails off looking at his watch pointedly causing me to notice the time as well.

"Shit. Ok, gotta go pick up something to make I guess. You will make sure she gets to the apartment?" I ask as I pack everything up hurriedly.

Chase stands nodding. "I'll be in control setting up things for tonight and making sure our target doesn't try and scramble the systems. I will keep an eye out for her though and send a message to Zach when she heads that way."

I mumble my thanks as we head out of my office, locking up.

There are a few small stores in the compound that sell grocery items. Fancy and complicated was never my style. So I settled for a simple baked chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. I got all of that put in the oven and stove, then did a quick clean up of the apartment, more out of nervousness then anything.

Chase messages me about five minutes before I heard the code being put into the door by Zach. My friend lets Kat in, barely sticking his head in before shooting me a grin and closing the door as he is leaving.

Kat had stopped and turned back to watch Zach leaving. She turned back to me with a frown. "Chase and Zach aren't coming?"

I give her a tight smile and shake my head as I move closer and take her hand. "Chase has to go over some scoring for his initiates and also has some work to do tonight. Zach is doing a report for Max but is also giving us some time alone." I answer her honestly and see her blushing but smiles.

"Alone time sounds good." She bites her lip a little while taking her jacket off.

I take my time to look her over as she tosses her jacket onto one of the chairs. The hairstyle she has chosen suits her and Dauntless. As much as I love seeing her embracing that side of her, my fingers itch to just pull it all loose and let her hair fall around her shoulders and down her back.

But I get why she is wearing it. Why she wants to wear it tomorrow. I pull her with me over to the couch and down beside me. I also take my time to look over the new tattoo she got put on the other side of her head just behind her other ear and smirk at it.

"You like it?" Her voice is breathy as I run my fingertips over it gently. Aware that it will still be raw and knowing she wouldn't have accepted the numbing cream.

"I love it. Adrenaline and serotonin. The symbols and your hair fit." I murmur as I brush my lips against her ear. "Although, I think I am going to love messing it up more." I purr this as I nip her earlobe in between my teeth and smile when she shivers.

"M'kay." She lets out in a breathy sigh.

I chuckle and pull away before I cup the side of her face and look over her injuries now that she is all cleaned up. I am pleased to see that Shauna kept her mouth shut and followed orders. She was able to use some of the healing gels and serums to get a good bit of the cuts and damage she has received to go down. Kat will still have a scar through her eyebrow on her left side. Not a huge one but it will be noticeable.

"How are you feeling? Is the pain in your back better? You are still going to be given your meds but I need to know if it is as bad as just after the fight." I ground out that last part.

I still had plans to make Edward's life hell if I could. She had at least convinced me not to beat the shit out of him for using her injuries from the attack during the fight. I didn't care that for anyone else I would have been pissed if he didn't use it. She got those because of me. Fuck if I was going to let someone use that against her.

She smiled softly at me and nodded. "It does hurt but it is getting better. I won't object to the medications you have been giving me though." She leans in closer to place a soft kiss on my lips.

Maybe she meant to make it quick but neither of us had the strength or desire to pull back from deepening it. Then I pulled her to sit in my lap when the kiss turned hungrier. Her bottom lip is swollen and has a small cut from where she got a hit, splitting it a little. I flick my tongue out slightly across the cut in a gentle and soothing manner causing her to give a small groan into my mouth. I gently suck her bottom lip into my mouth before nipping it in the slightest. She gasps and the slight twinge of copper coats our lips before I sooth along her lips again. Her hands grasping at me tighter and arching into me letting me know she had enjoyed that small measure of pain. It sparked something in me but I fought that back immediately. I couldn't allow myself to enjoy something like that with her.

All thought on my carefully laid out plan of how events needed to go when she got here is going out the window. Driven out by her seeking hands and the passion of her kisses. From the beginning it has felt like she has not only been the match to light a fire that had been dying inside of me, but she is also the igniter fluid. Making it burn inside of me brighter and more out of control than I have ever been or allowed myself to be.

Just when I am about to move my hands under her shirt to cup her breasts, and just as I am thinking of flipping us so that her writhing form is under me on my couch….the alarm I set for dinner goes off.

I pull back breathing hard but Kat tries to bring me back to her. That determined look in her eyes again. I shake my head and grab her hands.

Kat growls and narrows her eyes at me. "I am going to just throw every alarm and phone out of here if this keeps up."

Damn. The look in her eyes and the husky tenor of her voice almost has me saying fuck it to dinner, talk and her damn scheduled time with Four.

I get my breathing under control and press a kiss to her forehead. "I promise, soon we can just lock ourselves in here and say fuck it to everyone and everything. But not tonight. We have to talk and you need dinner."

She sighs and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head in the crook of my shoulder. Nodding she brushes her nose along the skin while my own arms arms wrap around her waist. She inhales deeply against my skin while I run a hand lightly up and down her spine. I listen and watch for a reaction of pain from her, trying to gauge how bad she is right now.

She fights her natural flinch and tensing but isn't successful. This in itself gives me the strength to move us away from each other. The moan of pain she tried to hold back that was wrapped up in with the passion had my control snapping back into place.

It seemed the only thing greater than my desire for her is my absolute hate of seeing or knowing she is in pain.

She gives a sigh when I move her to the side of the couch and get up with a clenched jaw. I head to the kitchen to start putting plates together.

"Need any help?" She asks getting up and following me.

I smirk at her and look to her leaning against the counter. "I thought you are on a kitchen strike?"

She blushes and shrugs. "I don't mind helping. You did make the dinner."

I shake my head and hand her a glass of water. "Nah, I got this. Your pills are on the table already. Go take those while I bring out our plates."

She does what I ask but grumbles while doing it. It doesn't take me long to dish everything up, grab our silverware and join her at the table.

We don't speak right away, just content to sit there eating for the first few minutes. She gave a little sigh of pleasure when she tasted the baked stuffed chicken breast I made for us then smiled at me before telling me it was excellent.

Her pleasure and thankfulness had me smiling back at her while my cheeks heated a small amount.

"You did really good in the fight today. I didn't say it right after. I am sorry for that I just…" I scowl as I cut a piece of my chicken off with a little more force than necessary.

She nods and lays her arm beside mine on the table. We entwine our hands together and she squeezes mine. "I get it. But I don't want you feeling guilty about what I did, Eric. Yes I did it for you but…."

She trails off and holds my eyes with her own, her fire sparking in them.

I get what she isn't saying. This is who she is and she would have done it for anyone. Not just me. The thought of her putting herself in danger for anyone including me is enough to make me livid and I work to control my temper.

"I can't be anything other than what I am, Eric." She says softly and firmly. Echoing my own words to her from what is feeling like years ago since we first met.

"I don't want you to be, Kat. I don't want to change you. I just want to protect you. Even from your own self if that is what it comes down to. I can't change that is going to be my first instinct. I can't help it." I tighten my hold on her hand and my tone is just as serious and soft.

She takes a breath and smiles at me a look flashing through her eyes so mixed with emotion that it is hard to untangle them to figure them out. "Thank you."

I frown, my head tilting as I try to still sort it all out. "For what, kitten?"

"For not wanting to change me and…." she pauses and a frown creases her face "...thinking because I am a woman, or because of where I came from...that I shouldn't….." She trails off and shakes her head. "Just thank you for accepting me."

Fork and food forgotten, halfway through eating, I pull her to me and my lap. My heart feeling like it could burst at the moment. I kiss her and put everything I am feeling for her in it before pulling away and cupping the sides of her faces. "I should be thanking you for the same thing, baby. But you need to know, to remember this when you are so pissed at me you can't see straight...it will never be because I think you are weak, or can't handle it or that you shouldn't. If I wanted someone to bow down to me, to stand aside instead of beside me, I wouldn't be here now with you. I know that isn't you but you need to know that where you are concerned, the part of me that needs to protect you isn't going to be pretty or forgiving. I am going to be a complete and total dick about it Kat because that is me too."

She shivers in my arms, her hands clutching to my shirt and nods while breathing. "Eric...I can't...we…" She takes a breath and looks to me, her eyes just golden pools of desire. "We need to have that talk and now." Her voice drops an octave in husky passion.

I swallow and nod, then we both move to the couch to talk. Holding her I collect myself and my thoughts.

"What I said about not wanting people to talk shit about you after initiation, trying to claim that because of me you got your ranking or job, that is still true. The thing is Kat, they aren't wrong. I am the type of guy that would do that. If I want something; I get it and will use whatever means to make that happen." She stiffens and glares at me, then looks to be about to start to talk or tell me off but I hold up a hand to stop her.

"I don't think for a second I need to at all with you. But that isn't going to matter to the assholes out there, Kat. It is going to be enough that they know that about me. It is going to be enough that you came from Abnegation so are already a target and thought to be weak. It isn't going to matter that if leadership even had a hint I did or planned to do anything of the kind we would both be factionless before we could blink. Even when we do announce it or go public, it is always going to be a subject. I can't prevent that totally but I can make sure you never doubt this and us. I can make sure I never get irrational and doubt it either. So just as much as this would be to prevent someone else saying shit...this is also so you will never wonder. I will never have that dark thought that might fester wondering either."

Kat got quiet and looking at her hands then nodded. "I can understand all of that. The question is though, what is to stop any of that by us being together like this now? How is being together like this okay but getting physical is what would cause the talk or doubts?"

 _Shit! Fuck. Shit...she had me there._

Jesus, while it was sexy as hell she could be so damn logical and rational it was also screwing me up big time. Because she was going to rationalize her way into the bed with me if she kept this shit up.

I groan and let my head fall into my hands. "I don't know kitten, it just seems like this is the only way."

"You aren't being very logical about this, Eric." Her tone was soft and reprimanding and I seriously felt myself stiffen even more just from that. I turn my head to look over at her and she has the look of a scolding school teacher. A sexy as shit one at that.

Images flood my mind and just makes this situation so much worse.

My frustration at my naughty thoughts and images snaps. I huff and throw my hands up. "None of this shit is logical, Kat. It is emotional as fuck and something I am not used to dealing with. Right now is already bad enough but we add sex to it and it is only going to make it even more so. I don't want our first time...no...your first time...to have all that shit hanging over it."

Now she is looking like a chastened student as she looks down frowning. "So what do we do? Maybe we should just…"

Realizing what she is going to say and suggest chills my frustration and I grab her hands growling. "We already said that would hurt more and we both know how I feel about you hurting. So that thought can go right back the way it came."

I pull her to me and hold her against my chest as my mind whirls and she grips me like she was about to lose me. I try to come up with solutions and compromises. "Ok." I say slowly and take a breath. "We aren't going to be able to keep from being physical, that we have proven today alone. But we are both fucking adults here and we should be able to maintain some kind of damn control." I grind this out as I am internally railing at myself. "So we set a limit. We don't go all the way until after initiation and when you are ready. I am not saying without this I would expect you to want to do it now I am just saying that for sure we aren't until after initiation."

I feel her smile against my chest and gives a quiet laugh. "So...no actual sex but anything else is fair game?" Her tone is playfully wicked and it has me groaning internally wondering what I got myself into.

"I guess so." I mumble as she had turned her head and was nuzzling my neck. As much as I wanted to let her continue and as much as there were things I was wanting to do. I knew we couldn't.

"Baby" I move her back and tilt her head to look at me. "We don't have much time before you have to go. I was informed you are going to be serving your punishment with Four tonight."

She nodded and a flash of apprehension went through her eyes. "He told me this morning."

My jaw tenses and I nod at the thought of her being dragged into this but more that I couldn't be there if something went wrong.

"Do you know what you will be doing?" I ask trying to keep the worry and anger from my voice.

There is that apprehension again and a brief flash of something that I feel like I might be imagining. Guilt?

"I was told the assigned punishment will be going with him outside of the compound. Something about checking cameras." She replied and looked away worriedly.

Fuck! I feel like kicking Four's ass for this. She was worried about having to go out there again after the attack most likely.

"Yeah, that is what I heard too. Just promise me that you will be careful please? As much as I hate to admit it at all, Four is a good soldier and is skilled. If he thinks there is going to be trouble, listen to him." Christ did it pain me to admit that.

"I will promise to try and be careful. I can also promise to try and not let him piss me off so that I refuse, just out of being stubborn." She has a playful smile on her lips and while that does make me smile a little I am still too damn worried too feel any kind of relief at her words. Then she puts her hands to the side of my face, her hazel eyes sparkling with those mixes of greens and gold.

"I need you to know that if I could, I would have you by my side tonight when I am out there. I want it to be you…" She hesitates and a frown tilts her lips while her forehead is marred by deep worry lines "...but it has to be this way. I need to do this."

There is a steel and fire to her words that cause me to frown but her words, of her wanting me there and not Four, sends a deep pleasure coursing through me.

"Fuck it...you can be late." I growl just before I pull her to my mouth and devour the moan that escapes her.

I get to experience what I had wanted to do the moment she walked into my apartment. Her under me while being pressed into my couch. I have another of those moments where I seriously don't know that I can or will let her leave.

Kat has me so wrapped around her and she doesn't even know. I almost thank all the gods for this when her hands move to dig into my back and pulls me closer to her. If she only knew there would be no stopping her.


	45. Boiling Points

**A/N: Hmmmm and the plot thickens...**

 **Chapter 45 - Boiling Points**

 _Kat_

I was still scowling and grumbling as Zach lead me back to the Pit where I was going to be meeting Four.

I swear between alarms and phones interrupting me, I was just one throbbing and grumpy ball of frustration. Once again we had been interrupted and just when things had started to get really interesting.

Eric had apparently really liked what I had said about wanting him with me. So much so that before I had time to register I was even moving, my back was against the cushions of his couch and he was pressed against me while attacking my mouth with a possessive and toe curling vengeance.

He had finally let me explore. Was even so kind as to whip his shirt off with a smirk down at me as I groaned a little and blushed at the same time. Of course he had said something about it only being fair for me to return the favor and before I knew it I was whipping mine off, meeting his taunting challenge.

Then he was groaning and pushing me back against the couch again while his mouth went back to work on mine. He hadn't let me look my fill and slowly run hands, lips and tongue over the pale skin of his chest like I longed to do. To memorize each plane of his abdomen and those muscles that were the definition of washboard. My mind had already catalogued and burned into it the series of tattoos over his almost entire left side and stopping just past his shoulder on his arm.

It was a collage of images all done in shades of black and grey. Some of the images so light you wouldn't be able to pick out what they were unless you could gaze long enough. It was an eclectic mix of things that I was coming to realize were just Eric. From images like something I recognized as Leonardo da Vinci's _Vitruvian Man_ , the human anatomy contained within a perfect geometrical formation of a circle and then the body drawn to be with arms and legs widespread alongside the regular positioning. A wicked looking dragon that was more serpent like in design was done in a combination of faded and darker black. It also was coiled so tha1,t its wide and long teeth were revealed to be opening and looking as if it were ready to consume the end of it's own body. Faded renderings of knives, rifles, skulls and mechanical workings were woven in between images of wolves and eagles looking feral and cunning. Geometric patterns or symbols peaked through images they were superimposed on or hidden inside of.

All of these things were melded together creating a patchwork of images that seemed to just work together. The thing that most stood out that I had noticed from the first time he had whipped his shirt off in front of me as a distraction, was the very pointed and gaping void over his left chest muscle, right where his heart would lay under. Of the entire side that was riddled with ink, that space alone was empty. Negative space they would call it and it had made my heart burn with something I couldn't understand when I first saw it.

Now I wanted to nuzzle against it, to burn my touch into the space as if it was and had been there just waiting for me to fill it. I had to settle for my hands doing that for me as Eric had seemed hell bent on being the only one whose mouth was exploring anything.

I was still feeling the slickness that had started to build between my thighs as soon as he started to run his fingers over my naked flesh. That same wetness that seemed to get more urgent in how it was building as his breath heated each inch where his lips seared into me.

My hands had been grasping his hair, destroying that perfection he normally sported as my back was arched forward trying to coax him to stop his teasing and move those lips to where my body was calling for them the most.

Then his goddam phone started going off. I had huffed angrily and he had mirrored that but hadn't tried to pull away. Not until it seemed liked the phone had some kind of seizure with how much it kept going off in rapid succession.

He had to check it then and had grumbled something about Four being on a warpath asking for me in the dining hall when I hadn't shown. Apparently Lynn had covered me in some kind of way...again. Eric had also said something about Max messaging him a reminder and at that he had sighed heavily and moved off of me.

After that he had helped me put my shirt back on, with a look of regret for having to do it, then got dressed himself. He had just helped me with my jacket again when Zach knocked loudly twice and then entered into the apartment.

"Time to go, princess." Zach had said soberly. I could see the worry in his eyes and Eric had tensed instantly.

He hadn't let me go before kissing me one more time and giving me one more demand to be careful.

We walked into the Pit causally together. Looking for all the world like I had been doing exactly what Lynn said. Hanging out with Zach and helping him with a report to Candor. It wasn't far fetched because I had offered the same thing before and expressed interest in what he did.

Four must have been keeping a close eye out for me because the air whirled when he whisked into view.

"Time to go Initiate." His voice was gruff and annoyed.

"I'm ready." I nodded to Four and said this meaningfully. I look to Zach and smile to him as I wave.

"See you soon." He called to my retreating back as I followed Four. It was casually said but I got the message. One of them would be watching for my return. I just hoped they weren't following as well.

Four leads me out a passageway towards the train and stands beside it looking at his watch. "Where were you?" He asked lowly but still loud enough for me to hear him.

"With Zach. I am interested in what he does and he has been putting together a report on the jail system in the candor complex." All truths in a way and I say it with a casual shrug.

He sighs heavily. "Why can't you just stick to the other initiates? You do know who he is friends with right?"

My lips thin and I try to contain my temper. "Do not start on me, Four. You can't dictate to me who I become friends with or how I spend my time. I don't and never did lecture you about how you spent your time or who you spend it with. Not even when that person was someone very close to me."

I glare at him and see him pale in the light of the setting sun while he closed his eyes. "I had wondered if you knew or figured it out."

I scowl at him. "Of course I knew and figured it out, Tobias. She is my fucking sister for christ's sake. So when some of the people we both know in the factionless we used to help told me that she had a brush up with a group of them but a Dauntless helped her out, I took an interest. And when they told me that same Dauntless was often then seen with her afterwards I kept an eye out. I wasn't surprised to see it was you. I was even fucking thankful. What I can't understand or handle is why you didn't tell me. Why keep it secret from me but not only that, you started to pull back even more just when I thought we were starting to rebuild our friendship!"

He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I didn't want you to think I was betraying you in some way. I also….well...she doesn't know…"

Realization courses through me and I close my eyes and groan. "She doesn't know who you are, Tobias? Two fucking years and you haven't told her!"

I am getting angry now and we haven't even been gone from Dauntless more than fifteen minutes. I don't realize I am in his face until he puts a hand on my shoulder and moves me back gently with a scowl on his face.

"You know how this is for me. I.."

"I do know Tobias. I was fucking there remember! But you have also been romantically involved with my sister for two years and have yet to tell her several vital pieces of information. You don't think I have a right to be pissed here? I have to know everyday that when you do finally tell her an already strained relationship might become even more so. You might not be meaning to do this Tobias but you are coming between my sister and I." I finish a little more softly and worriedly.

"Why haven't you told her then, Kat?" Four asks, his own frustration and guilt making him snap at me.

"Do you think I want to hurt her? She has been happy with you and I want that for her. I want my sister and even you to be happy. Telling her could hurt that and her. Do you really think that she isn't going to be upset or wonder if she was some kind of second choice? Even though _we_ both know that isn't true, I know my sister enough to know that is what she will think. Not to mention that telling her would bring up more questions that I couldn't answer because they aren't my secrets to tell. I was hoping that you would realize all of this and care enough to not put me in that position. To maybe restore some of my faith in you and our friendship. I was fucking stupid apparently." Tears burn my eyes as I get this out and jerk out of his grasp.

Whatever he had been about to say will have to wait as we hear the train coming towards us. We wait to start our run to make it into the third to the last car. Once there we wait until our guides jump on the train to lead us to where we will need to go.

One of them greets me with a smile when he jumps on. His smile is a crooked side smile with a flash of teeth. But his teeth surprisingly white considering his usual living conditions. He looks me over and his eyes narrow while he turns my head this way and that, looking over my injuries.

He looks to Four who shakes his head, lips thinned.

The older man sighs heavily but continues to smile at me. "The fighting portion is done, yeah?"

I go to nod and reassure the older man but Four interrupts me. "It is but Kat here has punishments every morning until the end of training."

"Punishments? With who and for what?" He demands from me in a commanding voice. Disappointment behind every word.

I see why Four had always respected and deferred to him. Once again Four answers for me. "Eric and at first it was because of some stunt she pulled with knives while practicing on her own and he caught her just as she hurt herself. Then it got added to when she got drunk one night and after a fight where she got majorly hurt."

I sigh and roll my eyes at the same time. "Eric did this to you?" The older man demands.

"NO!" I yell out my objection at the same time as Four's cry of yes...then his muttered..'well some of it'.

I growl at Four before I turn to address the question myself. "No, Eric didn't do all of this to me and what he did wouldn't have happened if I had been watching to block his hits. So I am being punished yes but I am also learning, Amar."

The russet skinned man tilts his head and holds my eyes before he smirks. "Interesting. Well, I guess as long as you are learning then you know what I am going to say. You also know I am going to say that I don't want to hear about you getting drunk or pulling stupid stunts again. Not ever if you can help it but for damn sure not during initiation."

His command and disappointment thrum through me and have me lowering my eyes with a nod. "Yes Amar."

He puts a hand on my head and makes me look back to him, his eyes twinkling a little. "I am proud of you though, for having the courage to go through with this and follow your heart. I want to hear all about training so far but we need to jump, our stop is coming up."

With a nod and a smile I follow him closely from the jump. Four is behind me and after him is the other man that accompanied Amar. Someone I have only met a few times but is nice enough. He is a young man about Four's age named Evan.

Amar and Evan walk ahead of us as Four pulls me to hang back slightly. "Kat…." He takes a breath and stops me completely. "I am sorry. I will try and tell her soon. I will also try to tell her about us but just...give me the time please?"

I look at him long and hard before nodding. "Until a week after initiation. I don't want her losing focus and suffering for that. So as far as our friendship and that other thing between us...that can wait until after initiation. But Tobias...you need to tell her who you are really before then. This I will not waver on."

He nods just as Amar turned back and walked towards us, looking worried. "You two ok?"

Four nods and walks ahead while Amar looks to me and cocks and eyebrow. I shrug. "It's just Four being Four."

He chuckles and hooks an arm around my shoulders, propelling me forward. "Come on half-pint. We need to get you in and with her before she sends out someone after my blood for taking too long. She has been worried sick about you and how you have been there."

I sigh with a smile and shake my head but don't object even when he playfully throws me over his shoulder and starts to lope off with me.

Four scowls and barks at him about me still being hurt and I am dumped back to my feet but pulled along. I shoot the bird at Four over my shoulder as we enter the part of the Candor sector that is being used by the group I am going to see. They have had to move out even further it seems to get away from those that are bound to make their lives hell. Like being fucking factionless isn't already hell enough.

We have to take a few winding paths and go through a few tunnels before we back track through a few more to get where this group is holding up for the winter.

We enter into what might have been a series of underground access tunnels, basements and housing units for electrical and plumbing. It might have been gutted out years before the wars and our city was established or over the years that the factionless have been around. It was cold but it looked like they were doing their best to keep it as clean as they could. It still wasn't a comfortable way to live.

The tunnel Amar lead us down started to go up at some point and then we came out from a stairway into a small building. All along the pathways there are lanterns and lights that look similar to the ones the Amity use. Not enough light to completely illuminate everything with their flickering flames in the glass and metal frames, but enough to see safely.

Amar stops at a door just down the hall from the stairs and gives a brief rap before he opens it up. He ushers me in first and I am immediately greeted by a smiling middle aged woman with curly black hair cut to just above her shoulders. She has a spare upper lip just as her son does and the same olive skin. She is beautiful with her strong angular features, only marred by a large and wide scar that runs from just below her right ear to halfway across her throat.

Her intense dark blue eyes narrow and her lips thin slightly when she takes in my appearance. All visible from the fire that heats and lights the room coming from a barrel similar to the ones Dauntless has throughout the compound.

She lets out a soft sigh and holds out her arms, opening them wide. "Oh my sweet Katie. Look at you."

I give a smile and step into her embrace, allowing her and only her to use that name without me raising hell. "I am ok Evelyn, I promise."

She sighs into my hair and shakes her head, clucking slightly but then pushes me back and takes a longer look. The soft smile tilts her lips again and the scrutinizing look turns more contemplative. "You are looking much more….yourself. You are happy there."

This isn't a question, she can see it clearly. I smile widely at her and nod. "I am. I know it doesn't look it but that is part of the process."

She nods and then releases me to turn to look at Four. "Tobias." She greets him with a warm smile. He returns it but they don't move to embrace. She still has issues with coming into contact with men and Tobias has always been extra aware when trying not to make his mother suffer anymore. It pains them both and I see it in their eyes.

"Well, you two have a seat. We are setting up here for the winter this year." She informs me as she leads me to a threadbare but still serviceable old sofa. I sit beside her there while Tobias takes a seat opposite us in a old metal chair. Amar had excused himself leaving the three of us alone for the time being.

I frown and nod to her. "It should be a good enough place. I am sorry I won't be able to..."

She scoffs and waves away my words before I can even finish them. "Do not even try to apologize for that, Katie. You always helped out how and where you could and now you are just doing it in a different way." She patted my hand. "I don't want to talk about that right now. I want to hear about you and your sister. How are things going with initiation?"

She looks to me but also Four, and I can tell she is wondering who confronted who first about that. She had urged me to do it before initiation and I know she had probably done the same for him.

I sigh and smile at her. "Tris and I are doing really well, though the rankings haven't come out yet. She won four of her seven fights and two of them against people that would have been considered higher skill levels. I am not sure what mine will be because I…"

"She won all of her fights mother, so don't let her try and downplay things." He looked over to me and had what I knew to be his instructor hat on. His tone and way of looking at me told me so. "She did really well, maybe a little too well." He muttered, his eyes narrowing at me.

I cleared my throat and flashed a sarcastic smile at me. "Well thanks for that vote of confidence. Yes, I did win all of my fights but at least two of them weren't really even fights. I swear one guy just gave up and the other girl is one that really shouldn't have transferred at all."

I get quiet when I think of Mayra and Edward. "She isn't going to make it." I whisper that and look at my hands with tears filling my eyes.

I hear Four's sigh but he doesn't disagree either. Evelyn takes my hand in hers and lifts my chin. "I talked with Amar and Tobias about this when we heard about cuts. Not that we doubt you and your sister at all, mind you...but it was in case...well...anything happened. But if this girl does get cut and you think she would like it, I can have Amar and Evan look out for her, bring her to us instead of the other group."

I nod with tears dropping from my eyes. "Oh yes. She wouldn't...Evelyn she would never make it with them."

She nods and her lips thin. "Then Tobias will make the arrangements when the time comes."

Relief floods me and I hug her to me. After I pull away I wipe my eyes and smile at her but also at Four. He looks to me with his eyes softening.

"So what else has been going on? Tobias said you were wanting to ask me some questions." Her brow furrows in worry.

I tense and my face goes hard. "Did he also tell you that our group was attacked during this years game of Capture the flag?"

Her eyes snap over to him and she scowls at him. "He did not. What happened?"

Four rubs the back of his neck. "Ten men dressed as Dauntless converged on a group and opened fire. Only they were using neurostim darts and not real bullets. Our little Kat here decided to try and be a hero and threw herself in front of two of the people in her group. One of them I strongly believe was the sole target of the attack."

"Katie? You were hit? Who were you protecting?" Evelyn reaches for my hand worriedly and I prepare myself to hear her reaction.

"I was hit by some kind of modified dart and I was on Eric's team. He and Peter, a candor transfer, where with me and I protected both my teammates." I said firmly and raised my chin letting my posture say it all to her.

She pales and her eyes go wide with fear. "Modified dart? What kind?"

Four answers for us both. "The clinic said something about it affects the nervous system."

I swear I hear her heart stop and she grips my hand tightly. She nods and wipes her face of everything. "Tobias, would you be a dear and go find Evan. I feel the need for some of that tea he picked up from Amity the other day for me."

He hesitates, but knowing that tea helps his mother with her anxiety and panic attacks, he moves to go get it without further protest. When he has gone, and she is sure he won't come back in, she whips back to me with wide eyes.

"I need you to be honest with me and tell me truthfully. Were you hit by these modified darts and how many times? Don't try and spare me from worry Mary Katherine, it is imperative I know."

I frown at her but nod. "I was hit by the modified darts but they also said more of the regular darts. Two of the modified darts hit my leg."

"Two? You were hit by two…" She trails off and looks me over. "What do you know about those darts?"

"I was told they attack the nervous system. That it causes severe pain and might be permanent but that after three weeks it should have worked it's way out of the system and I will know more. Apparently because the darts only hit the leg, weren't in that long and weren't that deep; I wasn't as bad off as I could have been. It really hurt though. I blacked out and they had to keep me drugged up because of the pain." I shiver remembering the soul tearing pain I felt for all that time.

She takes a breath and nods. "Now I need you to answer this next question because your life may depend on it. What were your aptitude results?"

I pale and my lips thin but answer quickly. "Dauntless."

"And?" Her tone and eyes let me know she knows that isn't all.

"Evelyn…." I sigh and close my eyes. "I really did just get Dauntless on the aptitude test. The system finally decided on that but...something happened and the Candor woman said I broke it. That something happened and it couldn't keep up. She said that Dauntless kept being the most frequent aptitude in all the scenarios so it just went with that. By the end of it though she said the program had shut down so she did something to make the terminal become fried."

She closes her eyes and runs a hand over her face. "And you protected Eric. He knows you got shot by these darts?"

I nod slowly. "He was the one that helped me afterwards and told me about them."

She stands and walks away from me. "Katie, those darts have been used more often than not in attacks against us. People who are hit by them, people that aren't divergent, become so riddled with pain that anything is almost impossible for them. Some lose function of their motor skills. A few have died. But people like you Katie...they recover at alarming rates. You shouldn't be able to move around like you are right now at all even with being divergent, it still takes days if not weeks."

I frown and shake my head. "But if I was hit by only those…"

Evelyn walks back towards me. "Two weeks ago one of our men here was hit by one in his hand and pulled it out within seconds. He still can't use that arm and to this day has issues with the feeling in his feet and constant blinding headaches. Katie..he is divergent too and he was hit by one."

I swallow nervously as I realize what she is saying. Not only am I divergent but if what she is saying…

"You need to keep away from Eric as much as possible, Katie. Now more than ever. Be very careful of everything you do. It showed Dauntless which is good but if he was there he might suspect and be watching you closely. He is very cunning, Mary Katherine. Do not doubt for a _second_ he would use anything to manipulate you or the situation. He is the one Jeanine relies on to hunt divergents. He will kill you if he confirms you are one."

Her words are like ice being pumped into me. I want to scream at her that isn't possible. That Eric would never do that, he isn't like that.

But he would and is like that. I have seen it and heard the stories. I know how cruel he can be. I know how hard he can be and if there is a threat he wouldn't hesitate to eliminate it.

He is different with me though.

 _He is cunning. Didn't you doubt that he could want someone like you? He could just be using that as a way to keep you close, to get you to trust him..and then…._

 _No!_

I scream internally and then shake my head as if to drive out those thoughts. I barely hear Evelyn's plea for me to be careful or recognize my voice as I robotically tell her I will. I numbly manage to follow along with the conversation when Four and Amar both return. I become a little more alert when Four gets information that they don't know about the attack and what the goal was. That it could be in retaliation for something that recently happened. They don't have more details than that.

The entire time the three of them are talking, my mind and heart at war. The dark parts of me are whispering poisoned thoughts. Calling me a fool for believing anyone would actually want me, that it only makes sense he would use this. Because I am stupid and innocent enough to fall for it when he realized my attraction to him.

The other part of me, a stronger part, is burning with indignation at those darker parts. Is rallying to his defense and urging me to follow my heart. Memories replay for me of Eric and I. Of how he is when we are alone but also the three of the men.

 _It can't be an act. Not with how much they seem to care._

I don't know if Amar sensed my preoccupation but before I know it he is standing before me. "Would you like to see the rest of the place? We can give these two some time to talk about things."

I nod and stand but give Evelyn a hug. She had been trying to convince Tobias to arrange for her to meet Tris soon. She had been livid when she found out he still hadn't told her things she needed to be told. She was also hurt that he hadn't told Tris about her. Tobias had some making up to do to all the women in his life.

Amar had his arm around me and guided me to another room. When we were in, he led me to a chair. It looked to be his own room and he leaned against the side of a desk looking me over seriously. "What is on your mind half-pint?"

I swallow and look at some random point on the wall. "What was he like? During his initiation?"

Amar tilts his head and shrugs. "Four is like he was then, though around you…"

I shake my head and scoff. "Not him. Eric."

Understanding lights his eyes and a smirk tilts his lips. "I could say the same but I haven't been around Eric in a very long time. Don't tell either of them I said this...but Four and Eric are much the same in many respects."

I snort and smile at him, a small smile that doesn't light my eyes all the way. "You think?"

He comes to kneel in front of me. "Why are you asking about, Eric?"

"He and I have….well he...is a friend…" I get out not wanting to say more.

Amar's lips thin and he nods slowly. "I had wondered when Four mentioned those punishments. It isn't like him to take such a proactive interest in others. But if you are friends then you know him as much as I do...or did. So why are you asking about him really?"

"Because...I am divergent."

Amar tenses and he lets out a breath, hanging his head. "Always suspected but had hoped…"

He trailed off and I frown. "Why did you always suspect? I mean, I always knew I was going to Dauntless. It's just who I always have felt I am."

He nods slowly. "But you are also one of the smartest little brats I have ever come across. You don't like lying if you can help it and if you can't, you do so in the most honest way you can. Then there is the fact that you are a very selfless and caring person."

"What am I going to do?" I whisper more to myself and all about Eric. I just couldn't let myself believe he would ever want to hurt me.

"You are going to make it through initiation, that is what you are going to do. Four will help you with the fear sims but you must always approach everything how a Dauntless would. From here on out you need to keep that in mind for everything." He squeezes my hands and holds my eyes as he gives me this order.

I take a breath and nod to him. I should be only concerned with that but I can't be. My heart feels like it is breaking and I feel ridiculous for it. A matter of my life and all I can think about is that I don't want to lose him.

Four comes to collect me soon after that and we leave much the same way we came in. Amar and Evan don't jump onto the train with us and we ride home in the quiet. When we near the compound and are about to jump, Four tells me to remember to keep away from Eric as much as possible but I know before my feet even hit the ground during our jump that there is no way I can do that.

I may not be able to keep away from him but the next revelation for me is that I may not be able to keep this from him either. If Evelyn is right and he knows that divergents are resistant to serums, as she explained to me when I was still reeling, then he also knows or suspects about me. If he does and what she says about him is true...I am already dead.

If this is a game to him, or some kind of manipulation to get me to trust him then the only way to find out is to end it.

By the time Four leaves me at the door of the dorm I have my resolve. I know what I need to do and I pray for the strength to be brave enough to do it.


	46. Love The Way You Lie

**A/N: Ok so this will be the last chapter for about a week. Going to take a break and get the house settled and organized as well as write some. We will see how long this resolve lasts before I break and post the next chapter ;). See you guys soon.**

 **Chapter 46 - Love The Way You Lie**

 _Eric_

"Are we all set?" I ask Chase quietly as I enter into the small back office in the control room that he has set up for tonight.

It is a mostly unused room that stores equipment more often than not. Most everyone forgets about the terminals that are in here and Chase has often used it for the more covert intel ops we have done.

He nods to me, eyes glued to the give monitors we have fired up with images being fed in already. "We are. They are just heading to the trains right now. What took you so long?"

I scowl and sip on my coffee, avoiding looking at him and the question.

The what took me so long was getting my granite hard dick under control so I could even walk properly. That had been a feat because I didn't want to just relieve myself. Every time I would try and think of anything else to make it go away, I would get a whiff of Kat's scent still lingering on my clothes or the memory of her under me with no shirt would pop up and it was back again.

My silence must give him the answer I don't want to say out loud because he gives a little chuckle and shakes his head. I hear him mumbling that he wished me luck for the next four weeks.

I roll my eyes but silently agree. Then all conversation stops as we watch Kat and Four standing, waiting for the train.

"Are they arguing?" Chase asks, moving the screen to zoom in on their images.

I smirk a little when I see my wildcat getting all up in his face, pushing her finger into his chest and seeing Four wincing slightly. "Looks like it." I mumble and take a sip of my coffee happily.

"Wonder what that is about." Chase tilts his head with a smirk too as we watch them.

My smirk turns into a scowl when I see her jerking back and looks to be swiping tears away from her eyes.

The growl isn't mine but I feel one bubbling. "Well it looks like I have someone to hurt. What the fuck was he saying to make her cry?" Chase grinds out as we watch them start for the train.

I tilt my head and lose the agreement to his sentiment when I notice that they very curiously and purposely let tons of cars pass them by and appear to be heading for a specific car. The third car from the end. What could the significance of that be?

There are no cameras on trains, so we have to settle for wide views of the train as it passes through the different sectors. We almost miss it, the two people that jump onto that same damn car. My body tenses as my breath catches.

"A set up meeting?" Chase asks me worriedly.

"Has to be. They went for that specific car and two factionless just happen to jump on that car as well?" I reply with narrowed eyes, waiting for any other sign of them.

I expect them to jump off when they get to factionless sector or even the ones that the factionless are known to migrate to. Where the four do end up jumping off has both Chase and I wearing disbelieving and worried expressions.

"Fucking Candor sector?" I look over to Chase. He nods and I can tell we are both thinking of some of the recent requests put in for a few more patrols in that sector. No reason had been given though.

"Find out more about who put in that request. Something is up there if that came up and we are seeing this." I give out my order but Chase was already thinking the same thing.

I get distracted when we get one of the closer cameras. There is something about one of the guys that is just nagging at me. He is dressed slightly better than the normal factionless. Green colored pants that resemble the amity cargo style for the heavy laborers, what looks to be like a white or white-ish shirt under a grey jacket that looks like it might be old leather. He has long hair that is gathered into dreds and tied back as well but the color of hair is almost deep red and his skin is russet in color.

I zoom in on the group as Four and Kat seem to be in a deep discussion again but it is when the guy I can't place turns and walks to them worriedly that I feel a cold wash of dread and anger come over me.

"There's…there's...no fucking way." Chase gets out in disbelief.

No fucking way but there he is. I know it the second he smiles at Kat, that crooked side smile that he also manages to show teeth with. A smile I have only ever seen on one man in my life. A man that should be fucking dead and not running with Kat tossed over his shoulder and both of them laughing.

"Amar." I get out through a gritted jaw.

I barely hear Chase mutter out a what the fuck in reaction to it. My mind is in chaos. My worry and anger only increases when the four of them disappear completely. As the hours pass it only deepens.

At first I was angry with only Four. Four knew he was alive and he never told me. Not only that but he had fucking accused me of killing our old instructor...my friend...for years. Accused me and fucking knew it wasn't true. Let me feel the goddamn guilt for his death and was probably glad of it.

Then the entire scenario was replaying in my head. Kat knew him too and well, judging by how Amar was being with her. Her looks of guilt and worry in the apartment flash in my mind. She knew they were going to be meeting them tonight. This was all arranged.

 _Hadn't Max said as much?_

No he hadn't said so, just that she could get information possibly.

 _She still lied. She still knew what she was going to be doing and lied. She looked you in the eyes and lied to you._

Then my thoughts went down darker paths.

Was it arranged for capture too? Did she help to arrange the attack then knowingly throw herself in front of it? Was that all part of some scheme to get me to trust her? To fucking fall for her? She is divergent and there were those speculations about Amar before his supposed death.

 _You are being played here._

I know Chase saw this...knew this was the connection I was making. I vaguely heard him cautioning me to keep calm and talk to her. That it couldn't be what I thought. I also heard the slight tinge of his own doubt and worry in his voice.

Despite my cold anger and feeling of betrayal, I also still felt panic when she went dark. I still felt worry about what might be happening to her and I still felt like I would tear the city apart if anything happened.

I didn't realize how much I had been holding my breath over those two hours until when they emerged and it left me in a rush. Then I went back to nothing but fury. I watched her jump onto the train and stood. It was going to take them a while to get back to the compound but when they did I would be waiting.

I would be waiting and someone was going to give me answers and pay if I was being played for a fool.

"Message me when they get into the compound." I inform Chase coldly and head out.

No one bothers me on my way. In fact I am given a wide berth as I pass through the Pit. I don't acknowledge anyone or anything. I spin the blade in my hand as I make my way past the dorm down the hallway a little ways.

Maybe what I am feeling shows and for once I don't care. I let it. I let the cold slippery hand of darkness that lives inside of me come forth. I let it slide it's hand around my heart. I let it start to squeeze away any traces of that fire Kat had lit in me out.

Fires need oxygen to live and all of mine is being taken away. That is what this feels like. That my very life's breath is being torn from me.

Maybe some of it survives, maybe it will always live there. Maybe I will let it but use it as reminder of why I can never let it grow again.

It will be past lights out when they get in. Ever the good little fucking boy, Four will escort Kat to the dorm. I will wait for my confrontation with Four for a later time after I have dealt with Kat. This will work out better for me. She won't have entered into the dorm yet. Four was the one last seen with her.

A wicked smile slithers across my face as it all lines up for me in my mind. Max and Jeanine might be pissed for a minute but there is a spare stiff. What is one less fucking stiff to bring down our city?

My phone alerts me and I don't bother to even check it to know they are in the compound. I am waiting in the shadows when Four, as predicted, takes her to the dorm. He doesn't stay to make sure she goes in. Stupid move on his part but excellent for me.

She is just standing there though, looking at the dorm door and I know she is debating something. Just like she knows I am there. I can tell the instant it registers for her and she looks down my way just as I step out of the shadows.

I move closer to her, sliding the knife back into my vest smoothly. Her face is pained but if she suspects I know, she doesn't show it.

She doesn't even hesitate to follow when I move away, clearly meaning for her to do so. She doesn't even think twice as I lead her through dark and winding hallways. All meaning to make sure she isn't seen with me.

So fucking trusting. So fucking deceitful.

Bad combinations for my kitten.


	47. Trust Fall

**A/N: Taking a break from the crazy train I boarded so here is a chapter. Seriously thank you all for your love of the story. It has really meant a lot to me!**

 **Chapter 47 - Trust Fall**

 _Kat_

I didn't know if I was thankful that Four had left me standing outside of the dorm or not. That he had been in such a rush to go back and report to Max that we were back and what we had found out. I was in such a state I didn't even think to ask what he was going to tell him.

The part of me that was feeling the doubt and fear that I was wrong, that what I was about to do was stupid and suicidal even, had me frozen in place staring at the doors to the dorm.

 _You don't need to do anything tonight. Just go in, sleep on it and in the morning you can make a rational decision._

My inner voice had decided to change tactics and instead of the poisonous thoughts and insults about Eric, had now decided to appeal to my rational side. The trouble was I didn't want to be rational. I couldn't be rational.

Then I wasn't given much of a choice really as Eric materialized from the shadows and came towards me. I knew the moment I saw him he was angry but I had never seen him the way he was now. His blue eyes cold and sparkling with cruelty.

I knew when I made the decision to go and with Four that it had felt like a betrayal to him so of course he was going to see it the same way. It would be even worse when he found out that I didn't go do what I had said. That I lied to him.

 _You mean if you even get that far or live that long._

I shake that off mentally and follow after Eric. It is cold, so damn cold, between us and while he doesn't reach out for me I don't reach out for him either. If I do I will break down right here where anyone could see or hear us.

So I follow along and fight the fear of losing him the entire way.

That must say how deep I feel for him. That the fear of losing him, losing this, is greater than any fear for my life.

That was the decision I had made sometime during this whole night. If Eric is hunting divergents and he knows about serums enough to know I should have been affected more than I was, then he knows about me.

So that leaves two explanations for why he hasn't done anything about it.

The first reason and the one that is all coming from my heart; is that he might know or suspect but that he realizes I am not a threat. That I would never do anything to hurt Dauntless or the city. That if I ever thought I could or would...I would willingly give myself up. My family...my friends...protecting them is everything to me. So my heart is choosing to believe with everything I am that he sees this or knows this.

The second reason, and what I am fighting so hard against believing, is that he knows and is waiting. Keep your friends close but enemies closer. That he is using what I feel for him as the means to do that and then when he has his proof….

I swallow as I look at the back of the towering man in front of me. There is also part of me that wants to believe he isn't hunting divergents at all. Amar hadn't been convinced he was. He was always adamant that the attacks that happened to cause him to fake his death and leave wasn't arranged by Eric. That he hadn't been involved at all.

Four had also always been more than vocal that Eric had been involved in some way, he just couldn't prove it.

We make it to Eric's apartment and as I stand lost in my thought and plans; Eric stands before me, still with that same coldness.

I don't know how long we both stand there in the silence but the longer we do the more I can feel his anger build. He walks away and goes to the kitchen. Coming back with a bottle of water and takes slow drinks while never once breaking eye contact with me even though I can't bring myself yet to look at him.

I need to speak...to say what I need to but I am frozen again. Frozen in fear but not of him. Even though I have never seen him so menacing, angry or cruel looking. I am frozen in the fear of my choice. When it all came together for me, when Evelyn brought up Eric's role in what could be my end, I knew that if it was all just a manipulation on his part I was still willing to be with him.

Then I thought about having all that time, getting in deeper with him than I already was but it being lies for him the entire time. The thought had killed me. I felt something dying inside. And I knew that if that was going to be the case, then better to end it now. Why torture myself for who knows how long only to have it end?

This way I was meeting that fate, my fear, head on and on my terms.

"Welcome back, Kat." His voice is even colder than I have ever heard it being.

I swallow and know the time for me to speak has come. I raise my eyes to meet his finally.

"How was your outing? Was it...productive?" His cold tone sneers the question at the end and the guilt surges forward.

I still can't answer.

 _Because you know. Look at him. This is the Eric everyone has warned you about. This is his true face._

No, this is part of him but it is not all. I know this. I feel it with everything I am.

"Nothing to say? Because...I would really love an explanation for why you betrayed Dauntless, yourself…" his cold tone breaks and so does his voice, his hurt pouring through and he thumps his chest with a fist "...and me."

I knew he would feel I betrayed him but Dauntless? Myself? I don't understand and at first I am confused by that but then it doesn't matter when I see his hurt radiating from him along with his anger. Then it is all guilt again.

My eyes fill with tears at the thought that I have hurt him. I realize that just as much as it kills him to do that to me, it kills me to cause him any pain.

He takes a step forward and I look down.

"I did." I agree to his statement of me betraying him. "I knew leaving the compound we weren't going to be checking cameras but I let you think that anyways. I told myself that it had to be that way because you wouldn't have…" I stop and gasp on my sob.

"Wouldn't have what? Allowed you to commit treason?" He sneers out coldly.

My head snaps up and my eyes go to his.

What the fuck is he talking about? I would never...

 _But it gives him an excuse doesn't it? He accuses you of treason and that is punishable by any way he sees fit. Even death._

My temper snaps into place. "What are you…." I start to growl out but then stop and close my eyes, shaking my head. I won't believe that is what he is doing. I won't let myself believe it but also I can't get into finding out what he means until I do what needs to be done.

"No...this isn't where this needs to go."

"This is exactly where this conversation is going to go." He hisses out angrily.

"Fine." I take a breath and nod as I raise my chin, determined to tell him first. Because after this it might not matter. "Before we do..I need to tell you something else first."

He takes a step forward, head tilted and eyes coldly calculating. "What would that be?"

"I told you I trust you, have told you that many times before and I do. So much so, Eric that…" I stop and swallow, something he is doing with his hands catches my eyes and they widen slightly when I realize he is pulling his knife from his vest "...I am willing to submit my very life to you."

 _He won't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me._

I say to myself.

A frown mars his forehead and his eyes lose some of that coldness. "What?" His tone is one of disbelief.

 _He won't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me._

I repeat this to myself again when he raises the knife and takes another step towards me.

"I went to try and get information and I did...just...not what I was hoping for. But I knew...the instant I was told...the instant they warned me…" The tears are flowing from my eyes without restraint right now but I stand taller, raise my chin and brace myself. "I heard the rumors about you...maybe they are true or maybe not. If they are, then...this will be over quickly but I trust you. I trust you enough to tell you...I...I am divergent."

"I trust you enough to know that if you truly think I am a danger...that my death…" I gasp the words, tears stinging my face with salty trails down my face "...will protect our city...then I...I submit…"

I can't read his expression in the contorted mess it becomes but I see the knife raising as he lunges for me. My last thought is that even if I was wrong, at least I did this by my own choice. My chin is raised and I brace myself to feel the knife being plunged into me.


	48. Don't Let Me Let You Go

**A/N: Was I bad? A bit naughty for that cliffhanger? Aww...well maybe this will soothe the hurt a little. Yeah I am feeling a bit cheeky right now. Enjoy ya'll!**

 **Chapter 48 - Don't Let Me Let You Go**

 _Eric_

 _Keep holding on_

 _When my brain's tickin' like a bomb_

 _Guess the black thoughts have come again to get me_

 _Sweet bitter words_

 _Unlike nothing I have heard_

 _Sing along Mockingbird_

 _You don't affect me_

 _That's right_

 _Deliver it to my heart_

 _Please strike_

 _Be deliberate_

 _Wait_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _Irate_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _Too late_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _What looks so strong, so delicate_

 _Wait_

 _I'm starting to suffocate_

 _And soon I anticipate_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _What looks so strong, so delicate_

 _Choke, Choke again_

 _I thought my demons were my friends_

 _Pity me in the end_

 _They're out to get me_

 _Since I was young_

 _I tasted sorrow on my tongue_

 _And this sweet chocolate gun does not protect me_

 _That's right_

 _Trigger between my eyes_

 _Please strike_

 _Make it quick now_

 _Wait_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _Irate_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _Too late_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _What looks so strong, so delicate_

 _I'm trying to hold it together_

 _Head is lighter than a feather_

 _Looks like I'm not getting better_

 _Not getting better_

 _Wait_

 _I'm coming undone irate_

 _I'm coming undone too late_

 _I'm coming undone_

 _Wait_

 _I'm starting to suffocate_

 _And soon I anticipate_

 _[Korn; Coming Undone]_

There are at least a dozen other places I could have taken her to. Should have taken her to. Deep dark places where no one could hear what went on. Where no one would find her if I chose not to let her leave. But I chose here and I realize it was a mistake when she is standing in front of my couch and images from just hours earlier try to break through to me. Try to weaken my resolve or soften me to her again.

That isn't fucking happening though.

Neither of us has spoken. I haven't once reached for her but neither has she. I scowl at the flash of hurt I feel at that and turn away from her to go to my kitchen and grab a bottle of water. I open it and walk slowly back to her.

"Welcome back, Kat." I finally break the silence after I have taken a slow drink, letting the anger build back up as my eyes move over her.

She still isn't looking at me but there is guilt and fear in her expression. I am angry that she is fearful of me and even more livid at myself for feeling that way.

I want her fear. I need it to do…..

More anger shoots through me when I can't even finish that thought.

She swallows and finally raises her eyes to meet mine. There is something brewing there, some kind of firm determination.

"How was your outing? Was it...productive?" I ask in my cold and soft voice as I set the water down on a table. My eyes holding hers.

She stands in silence that grates on my nerves. Her emotions that are usually so easy to read are a tangled mess and that is just pissing me off more.

"Nothing to say? Because...I would really love an explanation for why you betrayed Dauntless, yourself…" my anger breaks momentarily as the hurt pierces me to my core and I thumped a fist to my chest "...and me."

For a moment, my anger wavers at her look of complete shock at my words. A bit of hope spears through the darkness that maybe I am wrong. That it hasn't been an act and it's just my fucked up paranoia getting the better of me.

Then her eyes flash guilt and fill with tears. Then images of her with Four and Amar disappearing float into my mind and the darkness is back again.

She looks down at her hands and I take a slow step forward.

"I did…." She starts out in a soft tremulous voice. "I knew leaving the compound we weren't going to be checking cameras but I let you think that anyways. I told myself that it had to be that way because you wouldn't have…" she stops and chokes back a small sob.

I sneer coldly at her and her attempt to try and gain any kind of sympathy or compassion from me.

"Wouldn't have what? Allowed you to commit treason?" I ask, still in my deadly soft voice.

Her head snaps up and her eyes go to me, a scowl on her face and that fire in her eyes. She is getting pissed for some reason.

Well that will just make this even easier. No tears means no possible weakness for me.

"What are you…." She started to growl that out but then closed her eyes and shook her head. "No...this isn't where this needs to go."

"This is exactly where this conversation is going to go." I hiss out, my anger seeping through my calm tone.

"Fine." She says after taking a breath then nodding and raising her chin. "Before we do..I need to tell you something else first."

I tilt my head as I advance another step towards her. "What would that be?"

I swear if she says some shit like how much she loves me or goes there I will end her right here and now.

"I told you I trust you, have told you that many times before and I do. So much so, Eric that…" She swallows and she looks down at something as I take another step, her eyes widen slightly, but then she looks back up into my eyes "...I am willing to submit my very life to you."

This makes me pause and I feel the darkness recede just a tiny amount. What game is she playing at now?

"What?" I ask and try to keep the disbelief and shock from my tone.

Her eyes glitter with tears and her body is braced, her hands clutched tightly together. "I went to try and get information and I did...just...not what I was hoping for. But I knew...the instant I was told...the instant they warned me…" Tears spilled down her cheeks and it took everything in me to rein in my need to wipe them away "I heard the rumors about you...maybe they are true or maybe not. If they are, then...this will be over quickly...but I trust you. I trust you enough to tell you...I...I am divergent."

I am stunned into shock, unable to speak or move or think. The fury is gone, obliterated in the wake of her admission.

Then I am shaken again by her next words. "I trust you enough to know that if you truly think I am a danger...that my death…" stops and gasps a little in her words and tears "...will protect our city...then I...I submit…"

What she is trying to say, what she is trying to do, rocks me to my very core and I take quick steps towards her. Her eyes widen more and her chin raises looking like she is bracing for something once again. It is only then, when I am starting to reach for her, that I realize there is cold steel in my hands. I drop the knife seconds before my hands make contact with her. It clatters to the ground and the wood floor loudly at her feet.

I jerk her to me and my chest. I realize that the strangled sob that sounded in the room didn't come from her, but from me.

In horror at what I had been thinking, what I had been about to do. In fury at myself for doubting her.

In fucking awe at this woman who stood before me, stood before death coming at her, and put her entire trust and love in me.

Me. The monster that was about to destroy the only fucking good thing in my life.

This woman who is throwing her arms around me when she should be pushing me away, running as fucking far from me as she can get. But she is clinging to me and meeting my feverish kisses back just as fiercely. I grab her up in my arms and carry her to my bedroom while still not willing to break the kiss.

Trying to pour every emotion I have felt from day one into her. I only end up pulling away from the kiss after I get her on my bed and then that is to yank her jacket off.

I have one thought in my mind right now. Letting her know I will never let her go. That I will never doubt her or us again. That I would never hurt her. That I can never fully return the magnitude of the gift she has given me.

She is panting and gasping for breath as I tug the jacket off of her. "You...you still want me?" Her voice is tremulous and tears still glitter in her eyes.

Once the jacket is off I push her down on the bed and take her mouth in a kiss, not as hard but still as passionate. When I pull back I hold her eyes and stroke her cheek. "I will always want you. I already knew baby. I already knew and I won't let anything fucking happen to you."

Tears fill her eyes again but she doesn't speak. She pulls me back to her mouth and kisses me hungrily. She is kissing me with same fervor as I am her. Like maybe she feels the same way I do. That I could have lost her.

That can't happen. I won't let it happen. But I do permit myself to lose ourselves in each other.


	49. Not Afraid Anymore

**A/N: It would appear that I got some self-restraint and was able to hold off on posting another chapter so soon. But that would be a lie...I am sick as hell and could barely see straight. But a dash of electrolytes and about ten hours of sleep has helped. So another chapter it is. I just want to say...for these next few chapters I did** ** _extensive_** **research. I am talking hours and hours of reading to 'bone' up on my creative skills here. Oh the things I do for my characters (said a la Zander Cage in xXx). But seriously, anyone who knows me knows I am not so great with the smut. So...I subjected myself to hours of reading some of the smuttiest smut in the world to try and break my abnegation. Thank god my iPad survived being thrown so much as my face flamed. The result is the next few chapters and may or may not be full on smut but...they are close enough in my book dammit. So enjoy! (Said in an Eric commanding tone)!**

 **Chapter 49 - Not Afraid Anymore**

 _Kat_

The knife never comes.

In fact the knife clatters to the wood floor just as Eric lets out a broken sob and pulls me to him by the back of my neck. I don't hesitate to throw my arms around his neck and crash my lips to his just as he was looking for mine.

I don't know if this means what I hope it does but I don't fucking care. I need him more than I ever thought I could need anyone. More than I have ever _wanted_ to need anyone.

I am trying to climb him like it seems I always am just to get closer. He doesn't give me the time before he is pulling me into his arms to carry me and turns us to head to his bedroom.

There is something in his kiss, it is deeper than the ones we shared earlier. It is still dominating on his part, claiming and searing. He leads with how his tongue invades my mouth and alternates between sucking my tongue into his mouth or gently caressing it. Tears still fill my eyes during the entire time and when he breaks the kiss after kneeling with me on his bed I gasp and pant for breath.

He is tugging at my jacket with a frown as if he would rather just cut it off of me. "You...you still want me?" My voice is shaky as I ask but need to know what this means.

He doesn't answer right away, just continues to get my jacket off. When it is finally off he pushes me down on his bed and kisses me. Softer but even more filled with passion. He pulls away and holds my eyes while stroking my cheek. All traces of coldness or anger are gone.

"I will always want you. I already knew baby. I already knew and I won't let anything fucking happen to you."

My eyes overflow with the tears that haven't been able to stop but this time in complete relief and happiness that I was right and he does see the real me. Not some label for something I don't even understand.

I can't speak to let him know what that and he means to me but I can show him. So I do as I pull him down until he is kissing me.

He growls when, after several minutes of kissing that grew even more fevered, I tried to pull away. The feelings from earlier were melding with the fire of passion inside of me setting me to burn more than I had ever before with him. It was growing desperate, making me desperate for more.

So I broke away as my hands moved to push his vest off of him. He was immovable though and I couldn't dislodge him from where he had turned his attentions to after I took my mouth away. He was currently licking and gently sucking along my neck and shoulders, eliciting whimpers and moans from me.

When my own gasping and moans broke through whatever haze he was under he realized I was still trying to wrench his vest and shirt off but failing to move him any. He eased up for a blessed moment and I thought I would get my way, only to be disappointed when he grabbed my hands and held my eyes.

His chest is heaving and nostrils flared while his eyes were charged with passion. That underlying grey is there, a small silver ring around a blown wide pupil.

"Sit up for me, kitten." His voice is an intense husky whisper as he reaches down to help pull me until we are both sitting up on the bed. He is on his knees in front of me.

All tears are gone as I look at him through lust filled eyes. I swallow through my chest heaving as he reaches towards me and with a look of fierce concentration his hands go to my hair. There is some gentle tugging and pulling until he gives a sigh as my hair spills down around my shoulders.

A small smile tilts my lips as I take in his look of pleasure at my hair being free from the braid it was in. "I thought you said you liked it." My voice is still shaky and breathy, all from passion now.

His eyes crinkle at the sides just a little and he gets a sexy smirk on his lips. Then his hands are wrapping tightly in my hair and tugging it back a little. I moan at the feel of that, making him smirk wider but also his nostrils to flare more as he leans closer to me.

"I do but I also prefer it this way...so I can do.." He trails off and grips my hair tighter until my head is pulled back and his lips are on my neck.

My hands go to grab at his arms to steady myself as pleasure radiates though me. He doesn't give me time to lose myself too much before he is loosening his hold on my hair and moving his mouth to mine again.

I shiver against him when he reaches down to the hem of my shirt and starts to slide it up, letting his fingers graze against the skin. Goosebumps raise along the path his fingers take.

He breaks the kiss and holds my eyes as he lifts my shirt up further. I think he is giving me time to stop him but honestly it is just making me more impatient and the seconds seem like hours. That must show in my eyes because amusement filters through his before they are obscured when he finally gets my shirt over my head and down my arms.

He is hardly done before I am reaching out to do the same to him, his vest being my first target. I frown and quirk an eyebrow when he stops me with an answering frown.

I huff and smirk a little, a plan forming in my mind.

It must have looked wicked, my expression, because he was swallowing then breathing hard as he closed his eyes.

"Do I even want to know what would happen if I refused?" He asks in this strained deep voice.

I chuckle and lean up to kiss on his neck. "I guess there is only one way to find out…" I shrug and smile against his skin "...or don't and give me what I want." I coo out to him.

He curses and then shrugs out of the vest, stopping and giving me a look as if to ask if I was happy. I shake my head and reach for the shirt. He pushes my hands away and whips it off muttering something like 'be the death of me'.

I would laugh normally. I would find that funny or have been slightly amused. But the emotions of the night and the fact that is a very real fear for me, his death and me being unable to stop it, has me frowning and grabbing the sides of his face.

He stills and looks at me worriedly. His hands going to my shoulders gently as he takes in the tears that are threatening to spill again.

"Don't even play about that…." I gasp out in a strained whisper "...never about…"

Then he wraps me in his arms, my head lining up perfectly in his sternum as those steel arms wrapped in the warmest of skin surround me.

He holds me for a moment before he whispers against the top of my head. "Nothing is going to happen to me baby. Just like I will never let anything happen to you."

I can only nod against him, my lips and nose brushing against the bare skin and curly dark blonde hairs. I breathe him in, then am struck with the thought that all I have wanted all damn day is right here for my taking.

Just like that the inferno, that had momentarily taken a backseat to the fear I was carrying around for an event that I hoped would never happen, was back in full force.

My mouth opens against his skin and I flick my tongue out tentatively, tasting the salt of his skin as my hands curl into the muscles of his back to hold him to me.

"Oh God." He groans into my hair. I smile against him and move my head slightly until I am just about to kiss just over where his bared nipple is.

He growls as he tugs my head away by his hands once again wrapped in my hair, forcing my head back until he can crush his mouth to mine.

I am falling back onto the bed with the weight of him against me, his skin sliding against mine. He nudges my legs apart until he is settled between them and presses against my center with his hardness straining through his pants.

I gasp into his mouth and arch against him. His hands move from my hair to trail down the sides of my face, shoulders and then are cupping me over the bra I still had on.

I whimper into his mouth while his tongue moves sensually against mine. A frantic burn and aching need is causing me to feel desperate for something as his hips press into me in a steady pulse while his hands continue to tease, massage and pluck at my nipples and breasts.

There is something that is building in me, but feels like it is missing some key thing to really get started.

I moan in frustration against his mouth and when he pulls away I get to vocalize this finally. "Eric I need…."

He had went straight to kissing the area between my cleavage when he pulled away and he swirled his tongue against my skin causing me to suck in air.

"I know what you need baby." It is a soft husky purr said on the exhaling of a breath that heats my skin just after the path of his tongue had cooled it.

My fingers curl into his hair after I had quickly grabbed him, like an involuntary reaction to his attentions. He looked up as he somehow made my bra disappear and freed me to the open air. My nipples were harder than I had ever seen them and looked even larger from my position.

Those blue eyes burned with intensity as they held mine before he looked down at me and hummed at the sight before him. "Perfect." He drawled out silkily then leaned down to place soft kisses around first one breast then the other.

Always careful to avoid the center that was aching terribly for him.

"Oh..god….Eric...please…" I don't even care that my tone is a cross between a whimper and a whine as I tug on his hair.

I don't have the correct presence of mind to curse him properly when I feel him smile against my skin at that. Soon I don't even remember what I was wanting to curse him for after he takes pity on me and flicks out his tongue against the nipple of my left breast.

He follows that quickly by grazing his teeth around it before he sucked it into his mouth. I am surprised my back hasn't snapped in half with how much I am arching upwards as he does a tortuous number to the first side then the other.

My hips are raising, seeking out that delicious contact of him pressing into me only to realize that at some point he had moved to lay beside me. I was starting to form a scowl until I felt his hand lazily moving down my stomach until his fingers were grazing against the waistband of my jeans.

My eyes widened a little and my breath caught. Eric raised his head and held my eyes, a bit of worry mixed in with his own desire. "Anytime you need me…"

I shake my head back and forth, biting my lip. "No, don't...I don't want you to stop." I breathe out through my nervousness and the need that is leaving me breathless.

His hand eases my button back as he moves up to be level with my mouth. He trails kisses along my jaw, teeth grazing before he pulls back when he has my jeans undone.

My mouth goes dry as my heart beat seems like it might drum the organ right out of my chest. I can't deny my nervousness but I also want this and him. His nose brushes up against mine while his hand slips inside of my pants.

His breathing is strained and his jaw is tight as he speaks to me. "We still wait….but I want to give you this for now baby." The silk raspiness of his voice seems like it is coming from far away the second his fingers brush against me through my underwear.

I made some kind of plaintive noise as my hips raised to try and get more of that, as much of that, as I could get.

One of my hands grabs his arm, clawing at him in want then pleasure as he simultaneously took my mouth in a kiss and slipped that hand under the piece of material keeping his skin from mine.

Our groans mingle as he slides a finger along my lips causing my body to jerk at the first kind of contact I have ever had there before. My fingers tighten on his arm as he then parts my lips and my cry breaks free as he pulls back to look at me.

"So responsive to me." He says in a purred murmur of pleasure. He strokes me again, lazily sliding a finger along my folds. "So wet for me...aren't you kitten?" That comes out all in a rumbling growl and sounds almost animalistic in the pleasure of finding me that way.

There has been a tightening building in my abdomen, a coiling that feels like any moment whatever is keeping it in place is going to snap. That feeling begins to intensify, my entire body seems to be on fire and making me writhe.

He doesn't move his eyes from mine as he starts to deepen his touch, finding some kind of amazing magic button on me that he begins to move over in circles.

I want more...need more but I don't know what or how to ask for it.

"Like this baby? Is this what you want?" His voice is gravel and deep as he slides a finger inside of me in answer to something I had only thought was internally asked.

I nod frantically, eyes going wide, while his lips tilt into a slight smirk. "Say it kitten, is this what you wanted?"

"Yes...oh." I pant out as I start moving my hips in time to his slow thrusts of his finger inside of me. "Feels...oh god...feels so good." I get out as my eyes close and head goes back.

He growls and flicks a finger over that magic button. "Look at me Kat. You _will_ look at me when you come baby."

Is that what this feeling is that has been building? I have read in those books they describe it as shattering and I get it now. It feels like my body is on the verge of splitting into a million pieces.

My eyes fly open when Eric does something with his finger inside of me, curling it against something that has to be the key to a nuclear detonation.

It takes me by surprise and there is no sound that comes out of my mouth as my body comes apart at the seams. My eyes go fuzzy as my entire body tightens and shakes for what feels like years, with him moving within me the entire time until finally it all stopped.

Then Eric is pulling his hand away and giving me slow deep kisses while murmuring my name. "So fuckin' beautiful." He growls again before he crashes his lips to mine and pulls me tight against his body.

When he breaks away from the kiss his chest is heaving just as much as mine. He presses his forehead against mine and seems to be taking long slow deep breaths. Trying to calm himself from going further.

A hazy part of my mind is quite content with leaving things as they are but the hungry part of me that will never get enough of Eric throws that right out the window. My mind starts digging for things I can do to make him feel as wonderful and tortured as he just made me feel.

My eyes widen and my skin flushes as an idea comes to me. I gulp down a breath as if it will give me the courage I need. Then I am moving. I grip his back with one hand and claim his mouth again in a kiss. Using everything he has done to me for a guide as I tangle my tongue with his.

The action and passion distracts him enough that he doesn't resist me as I press him to the bed on his back.

When we pull away from the kiss I am on his side and slightly raised on my knees. My forehead furrows in concentration to remember things I can do.

Eric looks up at me, a frown on his face. " _Baby_...what are you doing?"

Taking a breath and lifting his hand, the one that had just given me such pleasure, I raise the correct finger to my mouth.

Still holding his eyes, that are widened a little, I smile impishly at him. "Hopefully not making a fool of myself." I whisper just before I guide the finger into my mouth and gently sucking.

Eric's hiss and pupils blowing completely let me know that maybe I am on the right track here.


	50. Think A Little Less

**A/N: Here is the second part in my foray into trying to better my smut skills. Hope you guys enjoy. I am sure the crazy kids in the story will.**

 **Chapter 50 - Think A Little Less**

 _Eric_

I have a moment to register her words and what she is about to do before any semblance of control I was restoring went out of the fucking window.

The control I had been working so hard to maintain so that I could keep this about her. A poor repayment for the gift she had given me but one that she might never know the significance of.

My want and need to only see to her pleasure and not be seeking any kind of physical gratification at all was overwhelming and new. The last time I had done anything that resembled foreplay was years ago and that was only because I was young, inexperienced and wanted to know. I wanted to know a woman's limits and how to push them. To learn how to tease, torture and push to the brink. To have control and domination if I wanted to.

Yeah, I learned alright but it never felt...right. There had always been something missing but I could never have put words to it. But with Kat I could. Because while I hadn't gotten off physically doing that to her, bringing her to her first climax and watching her expression, had all given me some other deeper kind of satisfaction. That in itself had me feeling like I was going to go off like a rocket.

I still might as she kneels beside me, her hair all down around her, deliciously bare before me, eyes still heavy lidded from her orgasm and lust. But also looking at me with a combination of sexy innocence that is just _her_. I have a second to register her intent before she sucks the finger that had just been inside of her between those plump and pouty lips of hers.

"Fuck baby…" I groan out as she tentatively experiments with licking and sucking on my finger.

I am so fucking wrapped up in that and the fact that she is watching me closely that I didn't even notice she had used her free hand to trail down to my pants and already had my fucking buttons undone.

It isn't until she gives a final slow lick to my finger before dropping it and leaning in to start kissing on my chest shyly that I notice her hand is sliding around the waist of my jeans as if trying to work them down.

I try and search for the willpower to stop her.

I once saw a cartoon in the archives where some dude had an angel and a devil on his shoulder and they were trying to steer him one way or the other. Both of my little shits are devils and neither are helping right now.

"Kat…" I grit out as I close my eyes when her mouth moves even lower down my chest and stomach."Shit...baby….you….don't…"

I can't even finish as I try and pull her back up to my mouth but she sneakily reached down to cup me over my pants and distracted me.

"I want to, Eric." She says against my skin, her voice breathy and shy despite her actions. "I mean...I don't really know what to do besides what I've…" She places a kiss just below my navel "...read." She finishes and with a kiss just slightly lower.

That and the fact that she has been reading about this shit has me groaning heavily. I am still fighting to gain control enough to stop her even though it has become painful for me.

I try to pull her up but it is half hearted as hell. It does serve to get her to stop and look up at me. Her eyes wide and worried, I can instantly see all those doubts about herself and insecurities blazing in her eyes. How did I never notice that they made her greens almost emerald when she is worried or hurt?

"Unless….I mean if you don't want…."

This time when I pull her back up to me it is forceful but for a completely different reason, my scowl is in full force until her mouth meets mine and I plunder it. Trying to kiss the shit out of those thoughts in her mind, driving them away hopefully for good.

When I pull away finally, her hands are curled into my chest and I don't even care that her nails are digging in slightly. Just like she doesn't seem to mind that I have her hair gripped tightly in my hands.

"I will always want you, Kat. I want you so fucking bad it hurts. But I also don't want you doing anything you are uncomfortable with just because you think you should. I can wait baby and you are for damn sure worth the wait." I punctuate the words by gripping her hair just a little tighter and holding her eyes with mine.

She smiles at me, a radiant smile that just lights her eyes up. Showing pleasure at my words but also that affection that might be love. "Can you teach me what to do, Eric? Please? I want to…." She pauses and blushes, looking at me through her lashes shyly "...to taste you. That's what that means right? The books...they mention that a little…"

She trails off biting her lower lip and watching me.

I breathe in through the groan bursting forth from me and I know I am lost. I close my eyes and nod. "Yes...that can lead to tasting me." I stop and take another breath and look at her. "And yes baby, I can guide you through it if you really want to do this."

She nods eagerly and innocently, her eyes sparkling with that damn smile that can just melt everything cold and hard in me.

She moves to start kissing along my chest again, moving back to her knees and a new feeling starts to increase in me. That burning of lust is there but the burning in my chest, otherwise known as a heart, is increasing by the second with her tonight.

Kat pulls back from kissing down my chest, biting on her lower lip with her nose scrunched up slightly. A look of complete concentration on her face.

She pauses and looks down the length of my body before she gives a small nod and then moves to remove my boots. I realize then she means to undress me completely and I start counting under my breath.

She makes short work of getting my boots off and then moves back up towards my waist. She looks at me in question as her hands move to the waistband of my pants. An unspoken question of if I am sure.

I nod tightly and raise my hips to help her pull them down. Once they are off she gives me this small impish smile, pleased with herself.

My muscles ache from how much I am holding myself down. Everything in me is crying out for me to grab her, pin her to the mattress and fuck her senseless. To take and claim her now. I hold myself back and not even because I think she would object because I know looking at her she would be all for it.

Not only am I holding back to keep my promise but also because this is also me giving her something. Giving her the opportunity to explore and to know she can trust me to never make her feel uncomfortable for wanting to do that. She gave me her trust and I am greedy bastard because I want all of it. In every aspect of her and us, I want it and Kat to know I can and will always be here for her.

Although...as she gulps when her hands move to my boxers but her eyes have this hungry glint in them at the same time, I think I might just be allowing pandora's box to be opened here.

Her eyes flick to mine when she starts to pull my briefs down. I give her a small strained smile and lift my hips one more time to help her out.

"Oh…" she gives a breathy startled exclamation when my dick breaks free. She swallows and looks away just long enough to push my boxers down enough for me to kick them away. "Does it….does it hurt baby?" She whispers worriedly.

 _Fuck does it ever!_

But I shake my head and respond to her in a strained voice. "Not in the normal or bad kind of pain, kitten. I just really fucking want you and that's its own kind of pain."

She nods and reaches out a small hand then gently wraps it around the shaft. The minute her hand made contact I felt like I just had the breath knocked out of me.

Shit, just her goddamn hand feels so fucking good.

I close my eyes and moan as my breathing picks up when she slowly starts to stroke me with the softest touch I have ever felt in my life. Almost like she is fucking petting it. I open my eyes and take her in.

Her eyes are wide and sparkling with fascination. She uses her free hand to trace veins running along the shaft or around the tip with her fingertips.

"Jesus….fuck..." I pant out rawly.

The sound of my voice and words must have broken her trance because she looks up to me. "It's beautiful, you're beautiful." She whispers reverently.

I can feel heat on the back of my neck at her words but also her look. I don't get time to feel any more embarrassment because she chews the side of her mouth and moves until she is nudging my legs apart and settling between my legs.

I feel like a schoolboy again because all I can think at this moment is...oh shit, this is really happening.

She had been still softly stroking me during this whole time but once she was settled between my legs she became firmer in her touches. Her eyes were totally focused on her hand and what it was doing.

I was starting to lose the ability to really think but when she started changing things up I also started to lose the ability to hold my body still.

While stroking me she had been getting firmer but now she was adding a twisting motion as she gets to the tip. I moaned loudly at that.

"Does that feel ok, Eric?"

"Fuck yes baby…" I groan out and it gets even louder when she forms a circle with her thumb and forefinger, adding pressure when she reaches the tip. I don't even care how the fuck she knows this right now. I will think about that later, for now I can only gasp out. "Oh fuck Kat.."

The tip had more than just a little bit of pre-cum at this point and I saw her eyes widen a little before she took a breath and started to lean forward. She pauses in her strokes and flicks her tongue out against the tip.

I moaned as soon as I felt the contact and closed my eyes.

"What do I do now?" She asks, leaning back just a little and looking up at me with complete trust but the most adorable fucking look of innocence and a sexy tilt to her lips.

Taking a breath I move up on my elbows, positioning pillows behind my back. Once I am in place I take my dick in my hands and lift it towards me and use my other hand to point to the base. "From here…" I drag my finger up to the tip "..to there; you lick. Do that a few times." I cast my eyes at her and swallow at the look of lust and complete eagerness I see there. "Then around the tip before you take me into your mouth but watch out for your teeth." I am barely done before she is nodding and leaning forward. I stop her and look at her with a frown. "If you want to stop at anytime…"

She shakes her head and swats my hand away from myself. "I don't want to stop until you feel as good as you made me feel." There is firm determination in her voice and that fire in her eyes too.

I collapse back onto the pillows with a chuckled huff.

She doesn't waste anytime either as she leans in. She touches her tongue lightly to the base and gently drags it to the tip. Once she does that one time she goes back to do it again but this time with more pressure and she wraps her hand around the tip and squeezes gently as she laps at the length of me. She gives this satisfied little smile before she starts to swirl her tongue the around the tip, along the edge, under the rim, across the head…

I moan and grip the sheets tightly as my dick twitches then bite my lip when her eyes widen and she jerks back a little. "Is it supposed to do that?"

I let out a hoarse chuckle. "Yes baby. It is a reflex when it is being stimulated. It feels fucking amazing Kat." I answer the question I know she is going to ask next.

She beams up at me. "Good. I really like the way it feels on my tongue."

If her words hadn't sent ripples of pleasure through me, her licking her lips a little just before she leans forward again sure as fuck did.

Her hair falls forward with her, brushing against my thighs and causing me to let out a hiss of air that turns into me sucking it in when she gently grips the base and gives one more swirl of her tongue around the head before gently sucking me in.

"Kat.." I call out hoarsely as my hips buck up slightly.

My hands grip the sheets even tighter, balling them in my fists as she starts to take me in deeper. Her face is obscured and I want to watch her so I reach out and thread my hands in her honey colored hair, holding it back and guiding her gently.

She instantly responds to my touch as I guide her along, taking more of me in each time she glides back down. The entire time she is alternating with her suction, stroking and swirling of her tongue. Experimenting and going back to things that have me moaning or bucking my hips up.

It takes everything in me not to grip her hair tighter and make her take more or increase the speed. She starts to hum a little when I give in and tighten my hand more, against my will. Causing me to curse and moan even more as I thrust my hips up.

She reaches with her hand that isn't stroking from the base to meet her mouth, for my balls and starts to gently massage them.

I groan and hiss all at once and wonder what fucking books she has been reading and how I can get her more. "Fuck baby...that feels so good." I huff out as my hips thrust up even more, causing her to take more of me in her mouth.

Any other thoughts go away and trying to concentrate on guiding her isn't possible. I can only moan her name or murmur how good it feels as I feel that familiar sensation building up and fast.

I don't know if she can sense this or tell because she starts to suck just a bit harder while moving her hand a little faster.

"Baby…'m going to come…" I croak out as I try to pull away but she isn't having it. I explode in her mouth and have to hold her still for a moment while my body finishes. My entire body is shaking and trembling and lights exploded behind my eyes at the release.

The entire time she was watching me. As soon as she realized what was going to happen, her eyes locked onto mine and that alone had me violently coming undone.

I realize I am still holding her in place and relaxed my grip on her. She didn't break free right away though. She licked and sucked her way all the way up until I plopped free.

As soon as I came free, I struck.

I yanked her up to me and kissed her fiercely, deeply and hungrily.

I just had the best fucking orgasm of my life and while it satisfied me, I wanted more. I rolled her until she was on the bed in the spot I had just been laying and pulled away to strip her like she had me.

Her wide eye look of longing let me know what she thought was about to happen. I smirked at her wickedly and shook my head once I had her underwear tossed to the side and she was completely naked for me.

"Not that yet baby. But it is time for me to return the favor. Now I get to taste you." I purred this out and grinned widely at her eyes widening ever so slightly more before dropping to a hooded haze.

She swallowed nervously but nodded. "M'kay." She responded breathily.

The desperate hunger for her that had taken over me was calming and now that she was laying there, naked and looking up at me through her lashes, the need to take my time replaced the hunger.

How many times had I imagined having her naked beneath me? Too many to count and none of them could even fucking come close to what the reality is. She shifted and squirmed beneath my gaze, moving her hands as if to cover herself.

With a frown I caught her hands and firmly pressed them to the sides of her head and into the bed. Giving her a command with just my eyes that she was to keep them there. She bit her lip, her breathing picking up but she nodded.

Satisfied she understood I went back to looking over her. Just calling her beautiful wasn't even close to how I see her. I don't even have the words and I couldn't give them to her even if I did. I am far from some fucking poet. Still doesn't make what she inspires in me any less powerful.

I can't give her the words but I can show her. They say actions speak louder than words anyways.

I let my pleasure and need for her show in my eyes while my hands and my lips do the rest. I am not going to lie and say I didn't also have other motives for this either. More personal and possessive ones.

I started to kiss my way down her, mindful that if I left any marks on her...and I planned to leave plenty...that she had to be able to cover them up. For now.

I started with her breasts. A perfect handful that were full and firm. Her nipples were large and turned me on to no end with how they stood out so proudly and hard. Just begging for me to take them between my teeth, to tug and suck on them. It also turned me on more than I could say when I found she loved it when I wasn't completely gentle. Her moans became louder and her body arched more into me.

She hadn't kept her hands to the sides of her head but now had her fingers threaded through my hair and would tug it to bring me closer when I was doing something she found particularly pleasurable.

Her hips moving and searching as I would bite down in some areas on my way down, leaving red marks. Other places I just simply sucked or licked and left faint bruised marks.

I might be driving her crazy with my touch but fuck if just listening to her moans for me didn't have me hard as a rock again. It might also be because I could tell, just from kissing down her body, she was already at the edge for me.

I finally settled between her legs and she raised up on her elbows to look at me.

Goddamn that is the most gorgeous sight in the world. I am going to need an extremely long and frigid ass shower after this.

Her bottom lip was between her teeth and that combination of sexy innocence was in her eyes. I teased her a little more by doing the same thing to her thighs as I had done along her body. When I was satisfied and smirking into her skin after seeing the results of my handiwork I moved to the real goal.

I held her eyes as I parted her folds and watched her closely as I flicked my tongue out, teasing her. She gasped and moaned, her body trembling with a slight shiver. I honestly wasn't much better and my moan joined hers at the taste of her.

She is honey and I am addicted.

All pretense of teasing gone, I started to lick in long slow motions. She was so close already. So I eased a finger inside of her as I started to flick my tongue against her clit.

Even just my finger inside of her, so damn tight, wet and hot; had me closing my eyes and humming in pleasure. But when she started to move her hips then flexed and released her muscles a growl of fierce pleasure and hunger rumbled through my chest.

Her hands had been gripping the sheets but as I stopped and slid another finger into her she cried out and slapped her hands on anything she could reach on me, which was my head and shoulder.

"Oh….please...Eric..don't.." She was breathing heavily and could barely talk.

My movements became faster and firmer as her hips bucked even harder with me. She was driving me as insane as I seemed to be doing to her. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like once I am inside of her.

That's a lie. I can imagine and want it so damn bad right now that I am fighting myself from just pulling away and slamming into her. Only her cries of 'don't stop' keep me in place.

"Eric…oh fuck…that feels so good…don't stop…please." she cried out hoarsely and I felt her tightening around my fingers.

When she came her body arched high and her fingers dug into my shoulder while she trembled violently. I nuzzled her thighs as I withdraw my fingers then moved up to gather her in my arms. She was still trembling and grasped me tightly while I ran a hand through her hair to soothe her.

When her body and breathing settled she looks up at me with a dazed and dreamy smile. "That was amazing, Eric." She said in a breathy sigh.

I grinned at her, pleased that I had been able to bring her pleasure but also at just how fucking sexy she looks right now; all sated and with the just thoroughly fucked look she has going on.

I nuzzled and nipped at her neck. "I am glad you enjoyed it, baby. I know I sure as hell did, every damn bit of it."

I kissed her forehead before she moved and kissed my jaw, neck and finally just at my collarbone she smiled against my skin...then marked me.

She pulled back with a very smug look and I laughed at it before pulling her head back to my chest. She went to put her leg over mine and then gasped when my rock hard dick came in contact with her.

"Eric!" She cried out and pulled back with a scowl. "You still have an erection. I thought that I…" She had that damn worried and self doubt look in her eyes again with her frown so I kissed her again.

One of these times my kiss was bound to knock that shit out of her head. I pulled back and had a serious and firm tone. "You did wonderful and I enjoyed the hell out if it. You just really fucking turn me on. Even your little moans do that to me."

She was still frowning but now that emerald green of doubt was being replaced by the gold of her determination and I groaned a little at that, knowing what was coming before she spoke. "We can't leave you like that. You said it is painful."

I shake my head firmly. "It will go away and if not I can take a cold shower."

She pouted, just full on pouted, as she tried to push away like she was going to repeat what she had done earlier but I locked her in place. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Well, what can we do because I am _not_ leaving you like that."

She looked down my body and licked her lips. I closed my eyes, breathing slowly. "You are killing me here kitten. Look, it really is ok and it will go down on it's own….eventually." I say that last part in a mutter and can tell it didn't exactly inspire confidence in her.

Yeah it was going to be uncomfortable and painful for a bit until it went down but we needed to talk.

I put a finger under her chin to make her look at me and not my dick, which she was still licking her lips and eyeing like it was her next meal. Her eyes met mine and I smile at her. "I still want to keep my promise, Kat. But we can do all the things we did tonight, every night and only that, until it is time and I will be more than fucking happy about it. But right now baby...we need to talk."

The seriousness of my tone clears away some of that hunger for her and she blushes a little before nodding. I kiss her forehead and sigh against it. Us being naked like this is going to make serious talk all but impossible for me.

So no matter how much I wanted to keep her like this against me, I knew we both needed to get dressed.

"Do you want to get a shower, angel?"

She tilts her head in thought but then nods with a smile. "A shower sounds good. Do I get to have you in it with me?" She blushed red when she asked but I could tell she was being serious too.

I clear my throat and fight back the 'hell yes' that is bubbling on my tongue. "Not tonight." My voice is a strained croak and she smiles impishly at me when it comes out.

Before she can form whatever little devious plan I see cooking behind her eyes I kiss her quickly and move to get up, searching for my boxers and slipping those on. I hear her give a deep sigh causing me to close my eyes and groan.

Pandora's box for sure was just opened.


	51. Come Up For Air

**A/N: Still fighting some kind of major battle with this stupid crud so being comatose doesn't make for good writing or editing skills. Since I have a lucid moment...he is a chapter I got edited. Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement! It is very much appreciated. Enjoy you guys!**

 **Chapter 51 - Come Up For Air**

 _Kat_

I never knew something like what I had just done with Eric could make someone feel so powerful but it did. I don't know if it was because of the act itself but I don't think so. I think it was a few things but the main one was feeling and knowing that I had caused Eric to lose control.

I felt and saw it in the way his muscles were tensed so tightly that they might as well have been made of stone. But as I got my turn to explore him that complete control started to unravel and I felt him letting himself move me to how he wanted it. He was trying to be so gentle with me but I had to admit that every time he lost it and let the side of him out that was just a bit raw and rough, I got even more turned on.

I don't think it was so much that it is because I like it that way, though maybe it was a little that. I think it was because I was getting Eric. All of Eric in those moments. Where he wasn't holding himself back or controlled.

The moment I was finished in bringing him to his climax Eric roughly pulled me up to him and I felt him allowing himself to be unleashed even for those few moments as he started to whip my clothes off of me. His eyes burning with a need so fierce I could practically feel the heat of them as they moved over me.

When I had felt the doubt and insecurity flood me as I laid there naked and him looking at me so quietly, he had sensed it. He stopped me when I would have went to cover myself.

He didn't have to use words to let me know what he was feeling as he looked at me..he showed me. It was the first truly open moment I had ever had with Eric. It wasn't just a flash before he closed himself off, it was longer and deeper than that.

That along with his touch and kisses as he moved along my body had me feeling breathless. I am not sure how it is for anyone else or if it's because of my sensitivity issues, but I swear I almost had an orgasm before he even got to giving me...oral pleasure.

Even the thought of what it is referred to in those books has me red. I watch Eric slipping his boxers on and even though my body is fully sated..I want more. I wonder if that is just because it is new to me or if that is just how I am bound to feel around him.

He takes a moment before he turns back to me, his eyes still dark with his own want and it being displayed proudly by the way his member is sticking out. I gulp as he moves to the side of the bed and puts out a hand for me.

I scoot from the middle and put my hand in his, wondering what he is doing. When I am standing he leads me to a door I hadn't noticed on the other side of the room and opens it. He flicks on a light and I see that we are in a pretty big closet. One side is taken up with hanging clothes of various styles all neatly placed and color coded. Ranging from deep black, faded black, dark grey and a few that have red. Towards the back is a set of locked metal storage cubes but on the other side is a wide bank of drawers.

He drops my hand and moves to the set closest to us and opens the top drawer first. His ears are a little red and he turns to me. "You can go through these five drawers...but umm...I think you should find anything you need in here. The uh..underthings are in the first one and pajamas in the second. Everyday clothing is in the others. We got the right sizes I think." He muttered all this out, turning a bit redder by the end.

Then it hits me that...Eric has clothes for me...in his closet...in drawers he arranged to have clear for me.

I turn red and bite my lip but nod. Lost for words and not really knowing what to say. I guess it makes sense that the clothes they always had ready for me seemed to come from somewhere. I don't know what this means though.

I notice he is still looking at me, waiting for me to say something. "Eric…" I start out in a small whisper. "I haven't said it before….but thank you. All three of you have done so much for me and I haven't really been very…"

Eric interrupts me, an amused expression on his face, with his hand cupping the side of my face and his thumb over my mouth. "You're Abnegation is showing, kitten. I also see the guilt you are building up to so before you say something that will piss me off and not meaning to...let me say this. We wanted to or we wouldn't have. I know I don't have to but I wanted to. And no…" He pauses and moves his hand to go to the back of my head and works my hair into his grip. He loses the amused expression and turns serious, not quiet his deadly look but no less fierce. "I have _never_ had any other women here. I have never bought anyone, much less a female, anything. You are the first and as far as I am concerned you will be the only one for any of that."

I flushed red and took a breath. "I wasn't going to ask."

He shakes his head and the smirk is back. "No, you were just thinking it. I could see it all over your face and in your eyes." Then he pulls me against his chest and kisses my forehead. "I know this is going to take time for both of us to get used to, Kat. I know that we are both going to have some really big fucking issues come up that we are going to need to work through. The only way I see that working though...is we just need to be honest with each other. We just need to talk and keep talking."

I nod against his chest and tighten my arms around his waist. My mind goes back to earlier in the night and everything that happened. Maybe he was thinking about it too because he gave a ragged sigh that might have had a slight hitch in it. He buried his face in my hair and tightened his grip on me for a few seconds.

Then he pulled back and stroked my cheek again, sighing. "Go ahead and get a shower. Your stuff is all still in there."

I nod with a smile and raise up on my toes, looping my arms around his neck and brushing my lips against his. I meant for it to only be a brief kiss, but then my nipples pressed against his bare chest and my body brushed up against his still very hard member….

I got another taste of Eric losing that iron control he normally has when his chest rumbled and then I was being pulled up to wrap around his waist. He broke away from the kiss as he stalked us out of the closet and I looked at him, his jaw clenched and nostrils flaring. He looked at me briefly as he kicked the door to the bathroom open.

"Fuck it. Saves water anyways." He growled out as he headed us to the shower.

I got a shit eating grin and let out a small giggle, pleased to be getting this with him. Even though I was blushing, I was also flushed from how turned on I was at the same time.

In no time at all the water was on, his boxers were off and I was being pulled against his chest under the spray of the water before he claimed my mouth for a toe curling kiss.

We didn't get much done in the way of washing at first. Just a lot of hands running over each other until I sought his hardness out while he did the same for my heat. Then we just lost ourselves to each other at the same time.

Much later, after my knees could support my own weight again, I finished washing my hair while Eric had already stepped out and toweled off. Then he went to get his night clothes on.

After we both got our releases, he had informed me I wasn't going to the dorm for the night. I didn't argue with him but I did worry about him getting in trouble. He stepped out to message Chase, saying he needed to give him an update about things. He looked somber at that so I am guessing that whatever had made Eric so angry and hurt, Chase knew about too.

Without the distraction of Eric and his body, I took the time to think on what I could tell him. I still wasn't going to lie to him but just like with so much else in my life there were some things I couldn't say if it was going to hurt someone else.

After I was washed, I towel dried myself and my hair, wrapped the towel around me and went back to the closet. I was still more than a little overwhelmed at the thought of all that he had done for me. Not only that but wondering what this meant.

I had known that all my bath stuff and other things they had gotten for me were still here. My toothbrush had been sitting in the cup beside Eric's since after that first morning. It had always brought a flush and a smile to my face but I hadn't thought anything about it. I mean..it had made sense considering I was here for breakfast and when I cleaned up I would brush my teeth afterwards.

It _felt_ normal but something about this tells me it isn't exactly normal. I wondered if it feels normal to me because of how I was raised? Was it normal feeling to me because everything before in my life was dictated to me and controlled? Is that what was going on here or was this usual in relationships? I sigh as I open the drawers and pick out underwear, shorts and a tank top to wear for bed.

Just another thing to add to my list of things to talk to Lynn about.

 _Eric_

By the tone of the messages from both Chase and Zach I am really fucking surprised that my door hadn't been broken down and them storming in. I had planned on just messaging Chase and telling him that Kat and I would be seeing them in the morning. I hoped he would get the hint that I hadn't done what I am sure he was convinced I had. I wasn't ready to let him know just how fucking close it had come to that.

I couldn't just let him suffer though so I instead went ahead and called him while Kat was finishing her shower. To keep myself busy I also started to warm up some of the dinner we barely ate any of earlier.

He hardly lets it ring before he picks up. I can tell he wants to demand that I let him speak to her but he doesn't step over that line.

"Look, she's in the shower now. We still have things to talk about but I don't think it was what I was thinking. I don't know why or how…" I stop with a sigh and run my hand through my hair and lean on the counter.

He sighs at the other end of the line. "You wouldn't have done it." He says in a firm tone.

I give a mirthless huff of a chuckle and scoff. "I wouldn't be so fucking sure about that, Chase."

"Do you know how I know you wouldn't have? Because you took her there, Eric. I know you enough...if you had really meant to…" Now he is trailing off but I can hear the pain in his voice at just the thought of it.

"Maybe. I won't ever fucking doubt her again though." I hear the water turning off and frown. "We'll see you guys for breakfast. She is going to most likely go down to the dorm to get ready with her sister. Tomorrow is going to be a tense day for her."

"You still want that thing set up?"

"Yeah….after tonight and then depending on how tomorrow goes...I think it will be good, for all of us." I say rubbing my chin in thought of what we had planned for Kat tomorrow.

"Got it. I will make sure it gets set up. I will also make sure you were in the clear tonight."

"Thanks brother." I say, relieved. We hang up a little bit before Kat comes out of the room.

Her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head, which is apparently how she likes to wear it just after a shower. She is still pink and flushed slightly from our activities. She is just wearing a simple black tank top and dark grey sweatpant shorts but I find that this might be just about the sexiest thing I have ever seen her in.

Well, besides that towel and fresh from her shower in the dorm. That was going to fuel my dreams for years to come I think.

She smiles and the blush deepens when she realizes I am looking her over heatedly. "I thought you said we needed to talk." Her tone is cheeky as well as her grin.

She slides next to me and I grunt while I turn towards her. "We are. I am warming up the dinner we didn't really eat. We sit, eat and talk."

She smiles at me and shrugs. "Sounds good to me. I am a little hungry."

I grin at her and wink. "Can't imagine why. It isn't like you have been doing anything to work up an appetite."

The buzzer for the microwave goes off and I move to get the plates out as she slaps my arm playfully, turning red.

After we both have our plates I forgo sitting at the table and head to the living room. The knife still laying on the floor where I let it drop was a sobering and stark reminder of all that had happened. All that could have happened.

I almost thought, seeing that there, she might want to sit far away from me. But she did the opposite. She sat and scooted close enough to my side so that we could eat but still be touching. She was just as quiet as I was while we ate. I turned the vid screen onto something mindless to fill the quiet. Once we had finished eating what we could or wanted to, I put the plates onto the coffee table and pulled her tighter to my side.

She broke the silence first.

"Eric, why did you think I betrayed Dauntless? Or that I committed treason? I get why you thought I betrayed you because honestly, leaving with Four and not being able to tell you the truth then of what we were doing, felt like a betrayal to me." She looks to me and her eyes aren't quite filled with tears but they are sparkling there. "But the rest?"

I sigh, my jaw tightened and the anger of what I had seen coming back. It wasn't as cold of a rage but there was still some there. "I knew you weren't going to be checking cameras, Kat. I was told that by Max but I was also told I couldn't interfere or leave the compound at all. I wasn't told much more than you were going to be able to at least get us a direction for the investigation into the attack."

She tilts her head and nods, as if all that part made sense and she understood. "Ok. I get it. Max wouldn't have wanted to keep that from you. I am even relieved he ordered you not to try and go. Eric, the only reason I didn't want you there was because I was so afraid you might be attacked again."

I sigh and close my eyes as things start to connect for me little bit by little bit. "Because you were going to the factionless and they were the ones that attacked me."

She shakes her head and grabs my hand. "Not them, no. But who I talked to might have information on who attacked or why, at least...I had hoped they would." She sighs heavily and closes her eyes. "But….your presence, even with this group…"

She trails off as if it pains her to have to say what we both know is coming. "I won't apologize for how I have been in dealing with incidents in the past, Kat. I know that may seem harsh but if you had seen some of the things…"

She squeezes my hand to stop me. "I know Eric. I may not approach things like you would but I get why you have had to. Believe me…..I..I have seen some things too…"

The look in her eyes; haunted and wounded, has chills and rage going down my spine. I file that away though because that would be getting off the topic of what we need to talk about right now. I will be going back to that later.

"We watched, on the cameras in the sectors. We set it up to watch. Mainly Chase and I wanted just to fucking make sure you were ok. But then…" I turned more to face her, the anger and pain coming through. "Kat, do you know what it fucking looks like to me? To us? To see a man I thought dead for six years alive and well. A man that there were suspicions about before his supposed suicide. Then the factionless attack, you meeting with factionless, and that same man that was supposed to be dead…"

I angrily shove a hand through my hair and look away. I hear her sucking in of air as it connects for her.

"You thought I was...or that I am a setup of some kind. That I...was involved with the attack?" Her voice breaks and I turn towards her again.

I cup the side of her face and stroke it. "I…" I take a breath and nod. "I did."

"Because of Amar?" She asks on a whisper.

I bite my lip and shake my head. "Not just because of him but seeing him was the trigger for….for my paranoia. Kat...I have only ever thought or been told...that divergents...they are trying to destroy the city. Meeting you I can see that isn't the case but then seeing that it made me question everything again. I have been told that divergents would stop at nothing to bring down our city. It isn't that far off to think that they would try and use personal connections to do this. It killed me to think that baby, but…" I stop, unable to continue.

She is quiet as she looks down and I let my hand drop as we sit there, stewing in our own thoughts.

"I understand, Eric." She says simply and leans her head onto my shoulder.

I close my eyes and lean my head against the top of hers. "You are way too fucking forgiving, you know that."

I feel her slight smile even though I can't see her. "Not true but in this case there wasn't anything to forgive, Eric. I didn't think about if you saw Amar though I should have. I knew that you would find a way to either follow us or send someone to and I should have thought about that. I can see how you would come to those conclusions with everything combined."

"I doubted you when you didn't do the same, Kat. To the point you were willing to.." I can't even finish that, I lose my voice completely at the memory of it.

She shakes her head and sighs. "It was the easiest choice but also the hardest because...I could only go by what….what my heart was telling me. Even after I was warned."

I tensed at that and shoved down my growl. I counted and breathed slowly before I asked the next question. "What did he warn you about me?"

She frowns and looks to me. "Who Amar?"

I nod with my jaw clenched. "Yes."

She smiles at me, actually smiles at me, in this situation. "Eric, the only thing that Amar warned me about you was to stop doing stupid shit and getting punishments. Though he did say he would have made me do something worse for the drinking stunt."

I look at her in confusion. "So he didn't warn you that I was going to…"

She shakes her head and loses the smile. "No, that wasn't him." She holds up a hand to stop me and takes a breath. "I should tell you about who I went to see but I can say this. Amar never thought you were behind why he had to leave. I don't know if you knew but before he...well faked his death...he had been brutally attacked on four separate occasions. The last time was in his own apartment and he had been asleep. He was barely able to walk away from that. I don't know why he didn't feel like he could go to anyone but he didn't. He felt the only option available was to disappear. So he faked his death and did just that."

I want to feel rage at this and on some levels I do. I feel rage that my friend and mentor hadn't felt he could come to me for help. I felt rage that goddamn Four knew this whole time but still insisted I was involved. I felt rage that this shit was happening in my faction and not only had I allowed it but...fuck I had even participated on a few occasions. Always out of what I thought was my supposed duty but still!

"How long has Four known?" I get out finally.

She tilts her head in thought. "I think it has been just over three years now. He was just as shocked and angry as you are, Eric. They fought after Four found out. He never told him all of his reasons just what I told you. What he did for those other years I don't know but...I knew of him before Four. I just didn't know that he was anyone close to either of you."

"Explain Kat." I tell her wearily.

"The person I went to see is someone I have grown very close to over the years. When I was twelve I met her among the factionless I helped. I can't explain why, but I felt drawn to her, needing to help her. She was….she _is_ ….so broken and was put through so much before she became factionless. She didn't even choose it by the way. She was….attacked...and left for dead. Some factionless women found her and got her help. Her recovery was long and very painful, it took years really. She will never really recover though but she got help from some former Erudite that became factionless and then some Amity. She had some memory issues stemming from the trauma so for a long while she didn't remember who she was. Then because of the trauma, in her mind, she lived in a timeframe before the attack ever happened. It took years of solitude and help from some that had some skills to help. Amar, I think he cares for her greatly. When I went to visit her, it would have been about three years after he faked his death, I met him. He looks out for her as much as he can and that is how we met."

I was silent processing all of this. I also could tell there were parts she was leaving out. Things she maybe couldn't tell me but didn't want to lie to me. So I didn't press her for that. I could accept that she might be doing it to protect this person and it made sense given her story. But why would this lady of all people have any kind of information?

"Why would she have had information?" I speak my musings out loud.

"Have you ever noticed, Eric, when dealing with the factionless there seem to be two very different types?" She turns and asks me seriously.

I cast my mind over all my encounters and nod. "Yes but the very different ones have generally been the women and children."

She nods in reply. "They are usually with this group, at least the group tries to keep all the women and children with them. It doesn't always work out that way. When working with the factionless I began to notice something. There are those that are violent, greedy, have no hesitance to do...just about anything to anyone to get what they want or need. The very kind we as Dauntless are needed to police and protect against. Then there are those that just want to find their way to live. They aren't happy with their lives, don't get me wrong, but they aren't willing to kill, steal, rape…." She stops and grips my hand tighter as she closes her eyes and breathes in.

I squeeze her hand but give her a few minutes, willing her to go on. I was coming to see that there was so much more she was keeping inside but if I gave her time she would share it with me. "That group that is willing to do all that, I believe they are the ones that attacked. When I went to see her it was because I hoped she might know why or at least how to get more information. Neither Amar or her know anything other than it might have been in retaliation for something that happened recently. That was all they had on the attack."

"But they told you something else. Enough to scare you and make you need to tell me about your divergence." I stated simply.

She nodded. "I was telling them about the attack and that when I jumped in front of you I got hit by those darts."

"And they know about them?"

"Yes, but not because they use them or have them. They know because they have been attacked with them. That is why they keep away from the others or try to. Because they are always being attacked. Recently the attacks have been with those darts." She stops and looks at me seriously. "When they heard I had been hit by two….but that I was sitting there in front of them…."

I sigh, close my eyes and drop my head. "You weren't hit by two of them, kitten."

Telling her the truth finally feels like a weight being lifted. I also hate having to drop this on her and what it implies.

"All of them?"

I nod but still can't look at her.

"Eric…" She gets out and her tone has me looking at her. Her eyes are filled with tears and I can see fear in them again. "What….what am I? I don't understand why I am different or what this means?"

Frowning I pull her against my chest. "Kat...I don't have all the answers but what you are is nothing like the threat I had been warned against. What this means though is we are going to be very careful. We have to make sure you can hide the things that are looked for and we protect you. Fear sims are going to be the biggest concern but Chase, Zach and I all have a plan for that."

"What about the serums, Eric? I should be...with how much I got hit with…"

"I know but honestly baby…..I am just thankful as fuck you are divergent at this point. I….if anything had happened to you…"

My voice breaks and she leans in, pressing her lips to mine. Soft at first but it picks up in urgency for both of us. Pulling away was the hardest thing to do because all I wanted to do was carry her back into my bedroom and bury myself in her.

But I didn't and couldn't. I couldn't let us go there yet.

She buried her head in my chest as I wrapped my arms around her and I think we both felt the exhaustion from the day and everything that had happened hit us.

"Let's go to bed, angel. We can sleep in a little but I am sure you will want to get to the dorm early to be with your sister."

She doesn't answer, just nods into my chest. I do end up carrying her to the room but I let her get settled into bed while I do my cleaning routine. When I slip into bed under the covers she is already mostly asleep but is awake enough to curl herself into me when I pull her closer.

Sleep claims me faster than it ever has before as I sink into bed and hold her close to me.


	52. Beyond The Veil

**A/N: Ok I am slowly emerging from whatever the hell had me. So chapters still might be slow to come but I will get them out. Promise. I also had an idea in all of that funk to maybe do Outtakes for Tris, Four, Chase, and even Eric from before he transferred. Got started on that a little bit and will tinker around with it more. That might get posted after the entire story has been posted. Or maybe I will use what I have for filler while I am still editing. Anywho...here you guys go!**

 **Chapter 52 - Beyond The Veil**

 _Kat_

It wasn't an alarm that woke me. Or the snuffles and cries from a young man who is realizing he had made a very wrong choice. It wasn't the shifting of the other bodies in their beds or the dripping of the faucets that could sound like drums in the deep dark of the dorm.

It was rough fingers brushing against the skin of my back, patterns being traced over where ink is embedded under the skin at the top of my spine. I lay there soaking up the feel of Eric's touch along with how my body is curled with his in what would be called spooning.

I can tell when he gets to the part of the tattoo that is composed of the code. I can also tell when he finds the individual words or phrases that make up the triangles. The triangle is actually three separate ones but the lines are so close together it looks like one.

He doesn't like what he is finding and I knew he wouldn't if he were to see it since finding out he knew Morse Code too. I feel his heavy sigh and his arm tightening around my waist that is draped over it.

He leans in and places a light kiss along the spot, his breath and warmth feeling like the brush of silk. "I know you're awake." He whispers against that same skin when I tried to hold in the shiver and moan his touch caused.

I let out a sigh and hum combined in one and snuggle back against him. "Don't wanna get up." I mutter sleepily.

He chuckles softly and sighs then pulls me even tighter against him. "Neither do I but we have to. Chase and Zach will be here soon and then you have to get back to the dorm after we have breakfast."

The memory of what day it is hits me and I shift, turning in his arms to face him after he loosens his hold on me some.

"What if they don't come?" I whisper lowly, without looking at him. He had started to run a hand through my hair, after pulling it from the bun I had left it in, when I turned towards him.

He takes in a big breath but then lets it out slowly. "Then that will be their loss, in seeing their daughter home where she belongs and happy." His hand moves from my hair and goes to under my chin to lift it. "If they don't come kitten, don't assume it is because they didn't want to. You know how it is with Abnegation right now...right?"

My lips thin and my eyes close for a second as I think of all the reasons they wouldn't be able to come if they wanted to. I open my eyes to see his forehead wrinkled in worry for me and I nod. "It might…."

I trail off and lean into him, breathing him in. He pulls me tighter to him and does the same to me. "If they do come though Kat; I am going to tell you what I am going to have to tell the others when I go down there, or what I can say to you. Visiting day is watched closely, especially for the initiates. It is part of the testing. To see how our soon to be members are adjusting and hints at if they can and will be loyal to their new faction. We watch for anyone that seems too attached to their old factions or lives. Do you understand what I am saying?" His voice took on that tone he gets when he is trying to impart a lesson to me. Not quite as cruel or cold as he would use for anyone else but still hard and unyielding.

I pull back and look at him. "I do. I am happy here, Eric. I plan to be in that pit as me and who I have always been but proud to show it too. I can also say that if they do come I will be just as happy to see them. To show them my happiness in both respects."

He nods and his eyes move over my face. "Just remember what we talked about, Kat. We have to always be careful."

"I'll remember." I reply honestly. It wasn't like that is something I can or will forget. My hand runs through the hairs on his chest, my nails brushing lightly against the skin. A small tremble of his body under my fingers has a smile tilting my lips. "How much time do we have before they get here?" I ask softly and a bit breathy.

"More than enough." He rumbles out before I am pulled under and covered by him, starting with my mouth right down to our centers.

Worry about my parents or being watched is driven out of my mind in that instant and I welcome it.

*****Page Break*****

Breakfast was tense at the start. Eric had went out first after we had cleaned up together and he had thrown on some clothes. He kissed me after telling me to take my time in getting ready. I gathered he wanted some time to speak to the two guys about all that had happened. When I came out Zach had not only the pills Eric had set out but also an injection for the nerve issues for me.

My divergence was brought up but only in them assuring me that they didn't and never had thought I was any of the threat they too were told it is. Sims would wait for another day. Before the off days ended, they said. I knew there was more that would need to be talked about.

Like what they were going to do with the knowledge that Amar is still alive. But they didn't seem to want to get into that right now.

"I'll be ok if they don't come, you know. I won't lie and say it isn't going to hurt a little but it won't make me regret making the only choice I would have ever made anyways." I tell Zach who is looking apprehensive about the whole day in general.

He gives me a smile and nods. "What about your sister? How do you think she is going to react?"

I sigh at that and frown. Eric squeezes my shoulders a little as his arm is laying over them on the back of my chair. "Honestly, it might hurt her more. Those last few years there, certain elders harped on all the eldest children about the responsibility they all had to their parents and the faction. To be there to care for those that had cared for us from the beginning. To carry on in their names and honor their legacies. But I am proud of her. I know she did and does feel such guilt for leaving because of all of that, but she did it because she knew she didn't belong. Others…" I trail off and my lips thin when I think of Robert Black. Poor kind and jovial Robert who was not meant for Abnegation. Robert who had stayed in Abnegation because of the preachings that had been drilled into him driving away the will to do what he must have known in his heart as well. "Others weren't stronger than the guilt being placed on them."

"Your parents didn't believe that." Eric states and the fact that he is just...assuming the best of them...makes me smile. He rolls his eyes at me. "If they believed that, kitten, you two might not have had the strength to leave. But you knew they didn't."

I nod still smiling. "No, they never believed in that. Mom was more vocal about her…displeasure... in that particular teaching. She would often remind us after we had to sit through our weekly lecture sessions that children are meant to soar, to fly from the nest and spread their own wings. While Dad never said he agreed, his silence was his agreement. He was never one to just stay silent if he didn't agree with something but I think…."

I stop and shrug not able to put into words why my father might have been reluctant to say anything to encourage us to leave.

Chase and Zach exchanged some look while also casting eyes to Eric but he seemed to be pointedly ignoring them and sipping is coffee.

Zach rolled his eyes and put his hand over mine on the table. "From everything you have told me, princess, I can only assume that maybe your Dad always knew where you were going. But maybe that scared him because that meant leaving him. Wasn't it scary for you to leave them behind? Wondering if they were going to be ok without you or worried you wouldn't be there if something happened?"

I know Zach's words were meant to sooth me, to point out something, and while I got it there was also something else those words brought out in me. I tried with all my might to rein in the flinch and even with as slight as I was able to make it...I knew Eric felt it.

He also didn't say anything but his nails dug into my shoulder. I smiled tightly at Zach and nodded. "More than you can know, Zach." I answered honestly but I didn't give any of them a chance to question me further though I saw their looks. "I get what you are saying though. It makes sense now that I think about it. He's my dad and he wanted to protect me. Wants to protect me but being in another faction that would be impossible for him to do."

Eric cleared his throat and looked at his watch. Then he moved us both away from the table and towards the door. "You are going to need to get going if you want to spend time with your sister before it is time. Just remember what I said."

"I will. Will I see you later?" I ask biting my lip and wondering how this was all going to work. Being together but not - or at least not able to be open about it.

He smirks and pulls me against his chest. "Oh, I am sure you will. Besides I do have to keep an eye on things today."

He shrugs casually but I feel like he is up to something. He kind of has that same gleam to his eye that all the guys had the night of capture.

I shake my head and smile at him. "Ok then."

He gets in a final kiss that still leaves me breathless. When I pull away I get a smug grin because I see he isn't much better than me. We both feel someone coming nearer and Eric moves away with a scowl before Zach walks forward the rest of the way and guides me out.

We exchanged small talk while we walked but I felt that something was brewing in his mind.

"What is brewing in that beautiful mind of yours, Zach?" I ask quietly as I playfully bump my shoulder with his.

He smiles at me but it is a short one. "There is a lot of stuff you aren't telling us, princess." He finally says his voice low and worried. I cast a nervous look at him and he reaches out to pat my shoulder. "I don't think it means your are a threat if that is what just flashed through your mind. But….there are things that I think you are keeping in because you don't know how to handle, don't want to face them, or because you are worried how we will react. Am I right?"

I look away and take a big breath before I nod. A gentle hand on my shoulder as he pushes and leads me to a small hallway before he stops us. He crosses his arms over his chest and he looks at me seriously. "I can understand all of that, Kat. But what you need to know is that the fear sims, they are designed to break you. Mentally and emotionally. Holding all of that in while trying to deal with those and not to mention the other added worry we have; I am worried it is all going to be too much for you." He stops and takes a big breath. "So I am going to make you a deal, princess."

"What kind of deal?" I ask after he paused and was worrying the side of his mouth.

"I don't keep things from my brothers. It was one thing we always promised each other. But you need someone you can talk to. Someone that will just listen and you don't have to worry about them going off and doing something. Someone that isn't going to try and fix things or judge you. Because princess, you don't need fixing and if anything needs to be done, I know you can do it. But you need to be able to work it out, talk it out. So that is what I am offering you. You can tell me anything Kat and I won't tell Eric or Chase."

I stand there with a frown for a few minutes, millions of things running through my mind. He is right, I do need that. Part of what has been holding me back is that I am afraid more of what they, more specifically Eric, would do once I told them everything. Part of me, a big part of me, is being stubborn and thinks this is something I need to work out on my own.

"It doesn't make you weak to need help, Kat. It doesn't make you weak to talk to someone about things in your past. If anything, princess, it can become a weakness by not seeking out advice."

With a sigh I nod and look to him. "Ok Zach."

He gives me a relieved sigh and smile but then gets serious one more time. "Like I said, I promise to not tell them anything you are telling me unless you give me permission to. I also need to say that the only time I will disregard this promise is if I feel you are truly in danger."

I hold his eyes for a few more minutes and nod slowly. "Ok. But….it might take…."

He steps forward and cups the side of my face, stopping me. "When you can but it is going to need to happen soon."

One more nod and he smiles genuinely and relieved at me before he guides us back out. His mood is lighter as we go and I let it wash over me. Letting it distract me from thoughts of today and worries in general. He leaves me outside the dorm and I quietly enter. It is still extremely early and everyone is still asleep.

I creep to Tris' bed and gently shake her awake. "Tris, wake up." I whisper to her quietly.

It doesn't take her long to blink awake and she soundlessly swings out of bed after giving me a nod. I move to my bed to grab the clothes I had bought to wear for the day, my bag of toiletries with the makeup in it and then go to stand by the door to wait for Tris to join me.

After the shower last night, Mar and Lynn had shown us a bathroom near the training rooms that we could use. It wasn't co-ed but wasn't much more private than the one in our dorm. We would take it though.

We made our way down the path with our things in our arms. Tris was still waking up and I wanted to chuckle because I think my sister has recently joined the club of caffeine addicts.

"I thought we could go get coffee and breakfast after we get dressed." I say with a quiet chuckle.

She gives a small sigh at that and looks to me pleadingly. "Yes, please. Need coffee." She blinks owlishly a few times and then smiles at me. "I think I am starting to sound like you."

Laughing we enter the bathroom and set about getting dressed for the day. I thankfully remember the condition Eric had left me in, so try to get dressed as discreetly as possible. If she notices them she doesn't say anything as we face away from each other and get dressed.

I had chosen a simple black long sleeved tunic sweater that was off the shoulders. The sleeves were long enough that they came halfway down my hand and had this little hole for my thumb, almost making the cuff of the sleeve into a half glove. The only color or pattern to the sweater is a dark grey metallic and black striped pattern that is at the top of the sweater where the material is folded over to be off the shoulder and that same pattern repeated on the cuffs of the sleeves. For a Dauntless touch at the shoulder there was a decorative zipper sewn into the material. It didn't serve any other purpose other than to add a little industrial touch to a feminine top and I had loved it all the more for it.

I paired that with my tight black pants with dark gray accents on the seams and pockets and my boots.

The top was tighter than what I normally wore, hugging curves I didn't think I had. Put with the bra that Mar insisted I get since I couldn't wear my sports bra or a regular one, it made me look like I had more going on up top than I probably did. It also showed off my tattoos perfectly. The one on my collar bone that I shared with Tris and then the one on my back that was just at the base of my neck.

Tris had chosen a long sleeved shirt too but hers had a slight see through effect to the sleeves of hers. It was a deep black and had a shimmer to the material. The neckline was a wide v neck and would show her own tattoo as well. Her shirt was shorter and stopped just after the waist of her black pants. She also went with her boots.

Mar had tried to get us to wear some kind of high heeled shoes but we had both laughed that down. Stating not being suicidal considering the state of the hallways and Pit.

After we are dressed I help Tris with her hair to put it back in the braid Lynn had put it in and it takes us both laughing together to get mine back to where it was. After having to redo it a few times it actually looks really good.

We both do the amount of makeup we are going to wear and head back to drop our things off at the dorm. Almost everyone is still asleep but I see that a few beds are empty. Al and Peter both are gone from their beds.

Linking arms we head to the dining hall. There is more activity in it this morning. Probably from the anticipation of the day. We are both greeted by Dauntless members we have come to know in our time here. Some of them are men who give us both looks that can only be termed as appreciative.

It has us blushing and hurrying to grab our coffees and breakfast. Tris gets more for hers while I just grab some buttered toast with honey since I had already eaten.

"Are you nervous?" She asked me quietly after sipping her coffee.

I sigh as I take a bite of my toast and nod. Chewing, she grimaces in agreement and nods back to me. After I swallow I look to her seriously. "I was thinking Tris, if they don't come it might be because they _can't_."

She frowns at me, confused for a few seconds before it connects to her. "Because dad is a leader?"

I nod matching her frown. "But not only that. You heard what dad was saying the night before the ceremony. Erudite is stirring up all kinds of trouble for Abnegation but it makes all the factions watch them closely. Also, there is Marcus…" I say this slowly, testingly.

He won't have had time since last night to have talked to her. But I have been wondering lately if Tris hadn't begun to suspect about Four.

Tris' frown deepens but if she has connected anything she doesn't show it. "I never liked him. He….I don't know...there was something I didn't like at all. I hated when you had to serve your volunteer time with him. I was so angry at dad when he insisted you had to for some kind of punishment."

I hold in my flinch at the reminder of that and nod. "You aren't alone in that." I reply dryly.

We sit in silence for a few more minutes and she is eating before she looks to me. "I will try not to be upset if they can't make it."

"And if they do, we can't make it seem like we are too happy to see them." Her head snaps up and she glares at me. I hurry to go on. "For their sake and ours, Tris. _Faction before Blood_. We can be happy to see them and show that. But we shouldn't make it seem like….I don't know...that we regret our choice…"

I trail off and shrug but she sighs and nods. "I get it. Have you ever wondered about that though, Kat? The whole _Faction Before Blood_ thing? Does it help us really?"

My forehead wrinkles in thought because it hadn't honestly occurred to me before really. I had so many other things to worry about. "I haven't wondered about it. But I can see how it might be helpful in trying to maintain neutrality for factions, especially ours. We are the police and military. We can't afford to have any type of leanings towards any of the other factions."

I take sips of my coffee while she is eating, deep in thought of what I said. She nods at me and swallows her own bite. "I can see that but at what point do we say that just because we want to be able to keep in touch with our families, even if it is just to make sure they are well, it is a betrayal of our faction? I know that for some people it might actually help to be more dedicated because they would know that no matter what their family is always just a email or message away."

"True. I don't know, Tris. Maybe that is something to think more about. Maybe...maybe when we get jobs, if we get something that we could help to make changes, we could look at changing that a little. I don't know how much it should be changed though because like I said, for us I can see it's importance."

The subject of jobs seemed to bring up another topic to change to. "What do you think we are going to be ranked?" She asks worriedly.

I shrug and smile at her. "I don't know honestly but I am very proud of how we have both done Tris. I know we both have given it everything we have. So I will be happy with whatever rank we get."

We don't take much more time to eat and don't get into anymore deeper discussions. We make our way to the dorm where we are apparently going to be addressed by leadership. People are milling around the dorm, all in varying states of nerves.

It is tense enough that not even Will isn't smiling. It seems even the jovial guy I had come to know was worried that his sister wouldn't be there waiting for him.

Both of our beds are already made so I sit on hers with her as we wait for whatever is going to happen.

Eric walks into the dorm and the already quiet atmosphere gets even more so. "Attention!" He calls out. His booming voice ringing out even more in the stifling silence. He pauses until he has everyone's attention, which doesn't take long because he honestly already had it. His eyes move over me and hesitate before they move on quickly. His demeanor is all cold Eric.

"I want to give you some advice about today. If by some miracle your families do come to visit you…" He scans our faces and smirks "...which I doubt, it is best not to seem to attached. That will make it easier for you and easier for them. We also take the phrase 'faction before blood' very seriously here. Attachment to your family suggests you aren't entirely pleased with your faction, which would be shameful. Understand?"

The threat in his voice is clear. The message is clear to me and I feel my sister stiffen beside me a little. She turns her head towards me and I can see her wheels turning. I hadn't said the _exact_ same thing but damn close enough.

I shrug at her and mutter under my breath that Zach might have mentioned it to me. She tilted her head in thought but nodded as she rose. Everyone was rising and milling out. She was following closely behind Will and Christina.

Eric was still standing in the doorway and I had lagged a little. As I passed his fingers brushed against my hand very lightly. Otherwise nothing about his expression or mine changed. It didn't take long to get caught up to Tris and she linked her arm in mine. Bracing ourselves for what we were both afraid we weren't going to find waiting for us.

We shared a look though and I smiled at her despite that worry. No matter our differences, the strain we had in the past and even now, I had her here with me. As long as we had each other I knew we would be ok.

She smiled softly at me, reading what I was most likely showing, and nodded to me in her own agreement.


	53. Not A Goodbye

**A/N: OMG THERE IS AN END IN SIGHT! I might finally be out of the woods with being under whatever funk is going around. As such I am celebrating by getting out a chapter. There might be errors. I edited this under heavy influence of meds and pain. Hope you all enjoy!**

 **Chapter 53 - Not A Goodbye**

When we get to the Pit, clusters of families are already gathered together. Mainly they are all Dauntless with Dauntless born; though you do see the occasional Dauntless member with someone from another faction. They are rare and stand out more because of it.

It appears that there is an area that is set aside for the initiates, Dauntless born and transfer alike, because they are all grouped to one side. I spot Molly and Drew standing together at the end of that area, alone. Their families didn't come.

Peter's did and I hold back my snarl I want to send at the tall man with the bushy eyebrows that I can hear from even over here. Berating his son and he hasn't even been here ten minutes. His mother is shorter than either of them and has reddish brown hair. I can see the Abnegation meekness in how she is standing. Eyes down and hands all but clasped in front of her. She says not a word in defense or greeting to her son. Peter looks miserable and for a moment his eyes meet mine over his mother's head before he looks away, masking the pain in them.

Will's sister made it. She stands beside him in the blue of her faction. A beautifully tailored dress that is classic and refined. Her golden blonde hair done in a perfect side updo. She has the same eyebrows as Will and the same gestures as she is speaking.

Next to him Christina hugs a woman with a slightly darker skin tone than hers while a younger version of Christina stands just behind them, shifting and looking around.

I am so caught up in observing those around me I don't even remember what I am supposed to be looking for. Maybe I am doing all that just so I don't look for something that won't be there for me. But Tris gives a slight gasp and start, drawing my attention and I see.

I see…. _them_. My mother standing near the railing, her hands clasped in front of her. Beside her stands my father, both wearing the grey of their faction. They should look out of place or ill at ease but they don't.

Tris speeds up until we are both walking faster towards our parents. I vaguely register that Zach is standing near to my father and looked to be engaged in conversation with him.

We are walking briskly towards them when my mother looks up and in our direction. At first her expression is blank, like she doesn't recognize us. Then it registers and her eyes light up, her arms open and her soft sighing whispers of our names draws my father's attention to us.

Her arm wraps around us as we can't even bare to not try and hug her at the same time. "Oh Beatrice, Mary Katherine." She says softly as her hand passes over my back.

Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes as I pull back from the hug. My father steps closer, his eyes wrinkled in a sad smile and he holds his arms open as well. Surprising us both for just a moment, but then we are wrapped in his arms too. It only lasts for a minute before he steps back. My mother joins his side and beams at him, then at us.

"Look at you both." She reaches forward to turn Tris' face this way and that while my father does the same to me. I know he is taking in all the bruises and while his lips thin, he doesn't take on a look of displeasure or disappointment. "You have both filled out." She finishes in a smiling tone.

Tris blushes and I smile doing the same thing. "You both look beautiful." My father's voice comes out soft but also a little strained. His head tilts as he takes in the tattoos on our shoulders but he doesn't say anything. "How have you both been?"

"You first." Tris says and I can tell it is more out of habit. I, however, am genuinely curious and worried.

"How are….things?" I try to ask casually.

They both exchange brief looks before our mother looks to us. "We came to see you both on this special occasion. Let's talk about you two. Our gift to you."

Dad nods and smiles at us but he is fighting sadness I can tell.

"I'm happy here. I think we both are." I say softly and look to Tris. She nods but I can tell there is guilt in her eyes. "We miss you but…." I take a breath and raise my chin as face my father mainly "...I am home."

Tris gives a small gasp but my mom reaches out and grabs her hand.

My father takes a breath through his nose and nods to me. "You are where you have always belonged, Mary Katherine. I am sorry if either of you thought I could hate or be mad at you for making this choice."

Tris trembles beside me, the effort of keeping in her tears but I have no such reservation. I smile widely at him and let them fill my eyes. "Thank you Dad. It is Kat now though."

He smiles widely and passes a finger along my cheek. "Kat. It fits you."

Then he and my mother both look to Tris and she smiles at them. "Tris. I go by Tris now."

They smile at her as well. "Another fit." My mom replies.

I feel him as he approaches and I see my father give a polite smile over my shoulder. "Andrew" Eric's voice rumbles out as he moves past me and closer to my father.

"Eric." My father greets him in return and they shake hands. "It was very good of Dauntless to allow my wife and I to be here for this Visiting Day."

Eric looks down at me for a moment before simply nodding back. Beside me my mother and Tris had begun to talk and I see my sister pointing out Four who is standing near a railing and trying to look like he isn't paying attention to us.

Whatever Tris said has my mother looping her arm through my sisters and steering them over towards Four. Before mom goes off she casts a look over her shoulder to me with a small knowing smile that I don't understand. Then my father is drawing my attention back to him.

"I am very glad to hear that Mary Ka…..Kat." He replies to whatever Eric and he had been discussing.

I blink in confusion then look between the two of them and Eric rolls his eyes, his lips twitching ever so slightly. "I was just informing Andrew that you finished the physical portion of the training and we are expecting great results from that."

I blush and blink again. "Oh." I clear my throat and shrug. "I don't know what will happen as far as rankings but I am very proud of Tris and I. We gave it everything and did our best. I can only hope that was enough."

I hear a small sigh from beside Eric as Zach rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything. Eric's jaw clenches and I can tell it isn't out of anger. It is him stopping himself from saying something.

I bite my lip and look down. "I heard somewhere once that one should be humble when victorious or in their victories." I mumble out.

By this time Tris and my mother are heading back. Four, looking tense, is hurrying away. Their words drift towards us as they get closer. "Is he always like that?"

Tris' lips twitch and I snort. "Worse." I reply and don't fail to catch the smug smile that tilts Eric's lips before it is gone just as quickly.

"Have you two made friends?" My mom asks when she comes even with us.

"A few. Kat has made really good friends with a few Dauntless born." Tris says and points to Lynn who is standing with Shauna in the area the Dauntless born seem to have taken as their own. "We both have found friends here really."

Will and his sister are near and we both smile at him, waving. He starts forward and his sister follows but the open smile she had earlier disappears. A look of contempt starts to cross her features.

When she is approaching us, she looks between my mother and father as if she had just seen something monstrous, the way she glared at them.

Will doesn't even get to introduce us before she is speaking.

"I can't believe you associate with one of _them_ , Will." Her tone drips with acid and condescension.

My mother and father both purse their lips but don't look to say anything. Tris tenses and I look to Will in confusion at how his sister is being. He looks to me and frowns back at his sister.

"Cara." He starts out in a reprimanding tone. "There is no need to be rude."

"Oh, certainly not. Do you know who they are?" She points to my father and it takes everything in me not to grab her goddam finger and break it. " _He_ is a council member and leader…" her lips curls in disgust and she moves her finger to point at my mother " and _she_ runs the 'volunteer agency' that supposedly helps the factionless. You think I don't know you're just hoarding goods to distribute to your own faction while we don't get fresh food for a month, huh? Food for the factionless my eyes."

My mom has a grip on Tris' hand, this I see from the corner of my eye. Eric's lips are thinned and his body is tensed but he makes no moves to say anything or stop her. His warning is ringing in my mind but my anger is building quickly. It doesn't help that the bitch won't shut up either.

I vaguely hear my mother saying something to her, an apology maybe?

"Mistaken. Ha," Cara snaps. "I'm sure you're exactly what you seem. A faction of happy-go-lucky-do-gooders without a selfish bone in your bodies. Right?"

Tris snaps before I do. "Don't speak to my parents that way." Her fists are clenched and she is prepared to attack. "Don't say another word or I swear I will break your nose."

Will casts an alarmed look to Tris. I am sure thinking that of the two of us, it would have been me to be quick to get physical. I have other plans brewing though. I plan to hit her where it will really hurt.

"Back off, Tris." Will warns her. "You're not going to punch my sister."

Tris gives a chuckled scoff that sounds harsh. "Oh? You think so?"

A whisper of my mother's name from my father before she speaks up even as she is pulling my sister away. "No, you're not. Come on Beatrice. We wouldn't want to bother your friend's sister."

I watch them go and see the smug look cross Cara's face. I also catch the wary look in Zach, Eric and Will's eyes as they look back to me. For once I don't care about letting everything show.

Disgust and anger radiates through me but I channel it in a different manner. I look to Will in genuine sympathy and regret. "I am _so_ sorry, Will." I start out slowly, drawing looks of confusion from around me. I raise my chin and my eyes go hard as I look to his sister. "I am _so_ sorry that your sister couldn't be here today. I am sorry _that_..." I motion with derision in her direction "...took her place. I am sorry because I would have liked to meet the woman I have heard so much about. The sister that encouraged you to think for yourself. To never just accept what you were being fed or told, as the truth. To learn and seek answers for yourself. I am _so_ _fucking sorry_ that I couldn't meet that brilliant woman that helped to shape the young man I am proud to call a friend and now my family here at Dauntless."

I stop, my lip curling at her and see Will blanching but not disagreeing and Cara at first looking livid, but now paling at my words. I wasn't done by a long shot though.

"I think I would have loved to meet her. I also think if she had shown today, she would have loved to take the opportunity to learn something. To question like she always told you to do. Tell me, _Cara_...how often have you personally visited the volunteer centers? Or an Abnegation home for that matter? Where does all this information you are spouting come from? Don't bother answering because I already know. Judging by your look of shame, you do too."

"That's enough, Kat." My father lays a gentle hand on my shoulder. His tone firm. He sighs heavily and turns to Will and Cara. "We will let you two enjoy your visit, but before I do…." he looks more pointedly towards Cara for this "...my daughter does have a point in that without seeing what goes on in the volunteer centers it would be hard to accept it. Hard to understand what we do and why we do it. It is easier to consider what you can't see as being lies. That is why I have recently moved to help pass a motion put forth by Erudite to have other factions present especially during times of the resupplying by Amity. I am sure if you spoke to someone in charge of this at Erudite, you might be able to be present for this new development. I know I would welcome it."

Cara is not the only one surprised by this. I am almost floored by it. I am also wracked with fear and worry but have no time to say more as I am being led away too.

We don't get too far before my father turns me and looks at me critically, staying quiet for a few moments. Then he smiles softly at me. "I am very proud of you, you know. I have always been very proud of you." He stops and cups the side of my face with a very troubled and sad look. "I know I haven't always shown it and I _know_ that certain events in the past may have led you to believe I held you responsible. That you carry that and guilt with you. I need you to know now that I am sorry for that Mary Katherine. I am sorry that what I felt as being my failure as a father, my worry for you and your sister, translated to anything else. I need you to know I love you both so very much and I am proud of the strong women you have become."

I can't stop the tears stinging my eyes but I do hold back the sob. "I love you too, Dad. I only ever….I only ever _want_ to protect those I care about and love. I hope I can continue to make you proud and I promise I will _never_ stop protecting and fighting for what is right."

Something about my tone and my expression must be alarming him. He looks around him for a minute and deep frown lines mar his forehead. "Mary Katherine…..Kat…" he pauses, his hand drops from my face and to my shoulder as he looks deep into my eyes. "I need to ask you something and I need you to be truthful with me. Eight years ago you came to me, begging for help for a friend. Asking me to trust you and that you would always be truthful with me. Did I fail you again in this?"

This time I don't hold back the small sob that escapes me but it is just small before I bite it back. I don't have long to debate on what I can or should tell him but I know I have to say something. "Dad, you…..you have never failed me."

His lips thin and he shakes his head. "But it was true, is true." This isn't even a question really.

I bite my lip but don't answer. Can't answer. Telling him will put him at too much risk and he is already there. "Can we leave the past there?" I finally ask softly.

He knows. I can tell he does just by my refusal to answer at all. He doesn't press more though. Out of the corner of my eyes I see my mother emerging from somewhere without Tris. She makes her way over and they exchanged some message through their look.

"We need to leave now, Kat. Remember what I said and please pass that on to your sister for me." He leans forward and presses a small kiss to my forehead. He looks to my the tattoo and smiles. "She flies with her own wings. You two were always meant to fly. I hope you know that, just because it isn't your home doesn't mean that this is goodbye forever or that we would never welcome you there." Then my mother comes and gives me a small hug.

They say goodbyes to me and give them to those that had been near us earlier as well. Even shaking Eric's hand and words being exchanged. Then they are leaving.

I watch them walkway and feel both lighter in some ways but also heavier. A coil of sickness in the pit of my stomach.

Then I don't have time to reflect on anything because a very surprising person approaches me with his parents. His green eyes silently pleading with me just a second before he moves to my side and slips an arm around my waist.

"Father, Mother….I would like to introduce you to Kat….my girlfriend." Pete drawls out and in a fairly carrying voice.

There are gasps all around us and one wave of rage from behind me. My eyes widen and snap to Peter's and see the desperate plea in them. I internally growl but turn on a fake sweet smile to him.

"I wasn't aware we would be making an announcement." I try to say in a soft reproachful tone.


	54. I'm Like A Bird

**A/N: Sorry chapters are slow or going to be slow in coming. End of summer means getting the boykin ready for school. That means I am going to try and start being able to hit the gym more. Cause I'm a masochist. Anyways, I hope you are enjoying the story so far. It will start to move to time jumps soon. I am not going to detail every single sim and moving us towards the end of training where the story will pick up. Lots of little surprises and juicy things along the way for your reading pleasure.**

 **Chapter 54 - I'm Like A Bird**

 _Eric_

The wind coming in the open train car door is welcome while I brace myself against the frame of the opening. The air has a bite to it that is helping to clear the near constant buzzing in my mind and the rage I had felt earlier in the Pit.

A rage that had almost seen me blowing everything to hell when Peter goddamn Hayes slipped his arm around Kat and declared in front of the whole of Dauntless she was his girlfriend.

I have never come so close to killing someone outside of orders or duty as I did right then. Only Zach using a strength I didn't know he was so capable of, as he nearly broke my arm trying to hold me back, stopped me. That and his hissed words of 'wait, we can use this'. He knows just what to say to break through to me. Knowing that any kind of platitudes weren't going to do shit for me.

Fuck, my mind is a mess right now but having the open city rolling past me and Kat's arms wrapped around my waist from behind me is helping. Her face is pressed against my back and has been since we got on the train.

I still haven't spoken to anyone really. Too wound up and inside my own mind. So many things to think about, plan for, deal with and it feels a little overwhelming in the moment.

 _Take a breath Coulter and fucking deal with it._

Visiting Day went much better than even I had expected, not counting the shit with Hayes.

There had been that moment when I had worried that Kat was going to unleash hell on the Erudite visiting Will. In a way she had. Just like she dealt with Peter at the beginning, knew that the way to cut deepest would be to deal with him in how his former faction valued the most. She did the same with Cara. Though it worked, made me proud as fuck of her; it also had me on edge.

We could spin it as she was using tactical knowledge. Know your enemy and how best to wound them. It was walking a thin fucking line between Erudite and Dauntless, but it could work.

Then there is everything from the past few days. Amar being alive, the information that the attacks might have been retaliation for the incident from a few weeks back, the information that there seem to be organized groups of factionless and they have access to weapons. It is all piling up and something tells me it is all fucking connected somehow.

Kat squeezes me tighter against her and sighs into my back. Knowing I need to talk to her and let her know I am not angry with her, I turn and pull her against my chest.

Zach had to get her from the Pit after I had removed myself before I couldn't hold back after Peter made his announcement. I had been waiting for them at the tracks when they finally made it out. While I hadn't hesitated to take her hand and pull her to my side or up with me when the train came, I hadn't really said anything.

"I didn't know…" She started out but I shook my head and put a thumb over her mouth.

"I know you didn't know, Kat. I saw your face. I am not sure what his reasons are or what he is playing at, though I plan on finding out real fucking quick. But Zach is right. We can use this. It will take suspicion off of us hopefully." I say as I stroke my thumb across her lips.

She doesn't like it anymore than I do but she takes a slow breath before she nods. "Ok. Can I at least say if he does something really stupid I have a pass to kick his ass?"

I chuckle with a smirk and shake my head. "You'll have to take a number for that, kitten. There might not be much left of him if I get to him first."

She laughs a little at this and nods. "So where are you guys taking me too?"

"Guess you'll find out when we get there, princess. Would spoil the surprise if we just told you." Zach says with a smile.

Kat bites her lip and watches the city rolling by. I can see her eyes analyzing and her brain working. I can also see the moment she figures it out from the glint in her eyes and the smile tilting her lips. She doesn't say anything though, she just looks up into my eyes.

I smile and nod to her.

The rest of the ride she is practically bouncing and buzzing with energy. It is like holding onto a live electrical wire, the way it courses into me. It also radiates out to Chase and Zach and by the time we are due to jump, the smiles and energy between all four of us is high.

I'm fucked if anyone is watching or sees us as we make our jumps from the train with loud whooping cries and smiles. Even breaking out into runs after we land. In this moment I don't care. This is what I had been missing for too long now. It was time to put a stop to that and live in these moments with those I love.

 _Kat_

I had been too preoccupied with worry, about what happened with Peter and how Eric had looked as he had left the Pit, to really worry about where Zach was taking me to after he had signaled for me to meet him in a hallway.

I had gratefully gone and used the excuse of leaving Peter to be able to spend the rest of the time with his family. I almost got why he had done what he did just from the few minutes I was forced to spend with them. Peter's fingers practically digging into my hip when his dad was saying some of the most offensive shit I have ever heard spouted in my life. I didn't know if it was to stop me from punching the old shit, or himself. Maybe a bit of both.

The look in his mom's eyes though as she looked at us both. Curiosity mixed with a bit of pride maybe? When she spoke it had taken both men of the family by surprise.

"You were Abnegation?" A soft and timid voice, weary even, came from her.

I studied her for a minute before I answered. With a small shake of my head I answered honestly. "I may have been born into the faction but I was never Abnegation."

"You should see her in action Mom. Kat is a whirlwind. Wouldn't surprise me if she isn't in the top five if not in the top spot." Peter is tense when he saying this but there is something to his words. Some kind of meaning he is trying to convey I think.

His father lets out a scoff of disbelief but then eyes Peter critically. "If that is the case then the standards can't be all that high."

Peter's jaw tightens and I can feel others around us bristling. Chase among them as he slipped up from somewhere.

"If you have questions or would like to question Dauntless standards then direct your comments to someone that can answer accurately for you. As one of the trainers and a senior member, I can address your….concerns." Chase gets out in a cold and menacing tone.

I didn't think it possible for a man to both cower and try to puff up at the same time but fuck if Peter's dad didn't do just that. He sat hemming and hawing for a minute or two but I couldn't say what he said.

I tuned out and let Peter know I was done with a look after I saw Zach giving pointed looks to me. I had said something about going to find my sister then made my exit.

Zach had my jacket waiting for me as he lead me down the hallways. It was another dark and winding pathway and I wondered just how many of these there are in the compound.

As soon as we made it out of the passageway and to the tracks I saw that Eric was still feeling just as angry as he had been when he left. It came as a relief though when I got close to him, he reached out and took my hand, pulling me closer to his side.

He didn't try to talk and I didn't try to make him. He would when he was ready and I hoped he knew that it wasn't true and I didn't know what Peter was planning. Him finally speaking and letting me know that he wasn't angry at me was good. Having to keep up the fucking facade wasn't though.

I got it but I didn't like it at all. Just like I hated having to act like we have been in public but this was so much worse. Peter better have a damn good reason for why he pulled the stunt he did or I am going to make it my mission in life to make his a living hell.

All thoughts of revenge or plotting are pushed to the back of my mind as I am running beside my guys and to the towering building I had figured is our destination.

Eric was making good on his promise to take me zip-lining. Not only that but from one of the highest points that the Dauntless have it set up from. The former Space Needle.

Not even Uri had known if his brother had access to it. He knew some of the other buildings were used for the initiation tradition but he hadn't been sure about this one. It hadn't stopped any of us from hoping and looking forward to it when we talked about it.

I felt a slight tinge of guilt about doing this without and before them but it was soon pushed aside just by sheer adrenaline. It also helped seeing the faces and energy from my guys. Even Eric couldn't hold it in and it just melted everything in me to see it. He looked so young right now as that smile spread across his face. His eyes radiating strength and vitality, life and the need for this. Whatever guilt I might have felt was obliterated in the wake of that. Seeing how much I think they needed it.

Chase put on a burst of speed and yelled something about the generator, pulling ahead of us. I could also tell that while we were all running and laughing, the guys were still being watchful of things around us.

Eric slowed us from our all out run into a fast walk. His smile wasn't as big but it was still there. "You ready for this?" He asked me with a knowing grin.

"You kidding me? Of course I am! Although I didn't think we would be going from here." My grin is still wide as my head tilts back when we get closer to the tall building.

"Normally we don't for initiates, Dauntless born or not. We thought you could handle this for a first time though." Eric had leaned in closer, his breath hot on my ear as he all but whispered this, husky and teasing.

I blushed red as his hands slipped along my hips and Zach cast a look over to us before smirking and walking ahead of us. I stopped and turned towards Eric, my hands going to grip his jacket tightly, pulling him down and closer. "I am sure you will find there are lots of things I can handle, first...second...however many times you think you could keep up the strength for."

His eyes go dark and dangerous while his nostrils flare. " _Kitten_ …" He gets out in low warning growl. He jerks me by my hips closer to him, his fingers probably leaving bruises but I don't care because I see that control slipping.

Then Zach calls for us from the building that Chase got the generator going and the iron control slips back into place. He smirks at me a little while shaking his head. "I'll remember that baby." He says in a purred promise of later torture.

Taking my hand he pulls me along with him to the building and elevator. The Space Needle used to be a big tourist attraction. People would pay to ride the elevator up the metal tower up to the top where a disk shaped structure sits perched on this tall frame, almost looking as if it is floating in the clouds. From the looks of it when we get to the first level of the enclosed disc building, the lower portion used to be some kind of dining hall. Most of it is gutted now but it must have once been something to behold. I couldn't imagine eating among the clouds and sky like that.

"What do you think?" Chase asked me with a smile as I wandered around the room in a daze and lost in my thoughts.

"It's amazing. I wonder what it was like...to sit up here and just enjoy a meal with the sky so open around you." I know my tone must sound dreamy and as if my own head is in the clouds right now.

Zach chuckles from behind me and I can hear the other two join in. "Told you she would mention that. Now who was it that said it would be a silly thing to have lunch up here?"

I turn back to see Zach arching an eyebrow at Eric pointedly who just flips him off and and helps to clear off an old table. Now I see that Zach had gone over to where a box had been sitting near by.

"We're having lunch up here?" A smile splitting my face wide.

Eric laughs, continuing what they were doing. "Well we do gotta eat. So might as well be here. Just don't bring it all back up on the way down." He teased me playfully.

I shot him a scowl and moved to help the guys get the table cleaned off and chairs for us drug over. Then Zach unpacked a simple lunch but considering how hungry I was and where I was getting to eat it, it was the best lunch ever.

They had set up the table right in front of one of the wide windows and we all sat facing the view while we ate. I ate quietly lost in the view and my thoughts.

Earlier this morning Zach had made me the offer of talking to him about things from my past or what I have been holding in. There was so much that I couldn't bring myself to tell Eric or Chase just yet but there was one thing that I think would be safe enough. Something that had been on my mind with the looming fear sims.

I have always had dreams that could feel as real to me as the waking world. I had gotten very good at being able to change the dream or wake myself if it got too bad. Barring the recurring nightmares that I had, which I could never change or bring myself out of on my own. But one dream or similar dreams had been on my mind lately, especially since it had appeared again last night.

"Do any of you know anything about a person's dreams?" I ask casually as I take another bite of my sandwich.

"Dreams are generally a byproduct of the subconscious stepping forward or bleeding through. Sometimes they aren't even that and are just produced by random firings of the different centers in the brain." Eric answers me in a confident but rambling manner. As if this is just rolling out of his mouth but straight from a text book.

Three heads turn towards him and he stops to look at each of us confused. "What?"

I smirk as I playfully bump by shoulder to his. "Nothing. Just your Erudite is showing, Eric."

He narrows his eyes and playfully sticks his tongue out at me. "Why do you ask, kitten?"

I take a moment to eat while I put what I want to ask together in my mind. Swallowing I turn to look at him. "I have this same dream over and over again." I pause and frown shaking my head. "No, it isn't always the same dream...it is the same image that inserts itself into my dreams. No matter what I am dreaming about, this same thing keeps popping up and I wanted to know if it has meaning or what it stands for; if anything."

"What is this image then?" Chase asks quietly and the guys are all looking between themselves worried.

"A black panther. Sometimes I can see it clearly, others I just know it is there. A dream where I am in the meadow near our home and I fall down some deep dark hole. I am scared and alone until I see these glowing eyes of gold and green. I don't see anything else but I know what it is. Other times I have had dreams where there is this big black panther laid out across a building or somewhere so obvious but everyone around me in the dream goes on as if isn't there or doesn't even matter. But I know it is and what it is capable of." My tone must sound far away as I close my eyes and conjure up all the different times and ways this mysterious animal has wormed it's way into my dreams.

"When did this start? When did you start seeing these images?" Eric asks and his tone is one I have heard before on him but rarely. It is one of the few times I have seen him allow the Erudite, the pure Erudite in him, out.

I swallow and frown in concentration of how far back it goes. I have a feeling it goes back before the incident but the first truly memorable time was the hospital. "I am not sure if it happened before then, though I have a feeling it did, but the hospital was when I can really remember. It was very clear even though I was stoned out of my mind at the time with all the drugs they kept shoving into me. I honestly thought I was hallucinating because I can remember my dad sitting in a chair beside the bed and looking beside him there was the panther. Just crouched there beside my dad looking on him with this fierce look of displeasure. I vaguely remember my dad speaking to me about the Dauntless being pulled out and him being sorry about something. I don't know if that was real or not or if it was all a dream. I mean, it would have to be a dream right because there was no way a fucking panther was just sitting there beside my dad."

Their lips twitch until they are laughing with me a little, because I had started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the image I was painting.

"Maybe it was real and a dream all in one, kitten. Drugs do funny shit to people and if you were fighting them so hard they could have caused a waking dream or hallucination. So part of that was real, the part of your dad beside your bed and talking to you. The other part was your dream inserting itself into reality." Eric supplied with a shrug but also put his arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

Chase and Zach had their heads bent over a tablet but Eric looked at me with worried eyes. "Speaking of your dad...how did that go with him today? There at the end you seemed upset about something."

I took a breath and knew I couldn't tell him everything. I was beginning to see why Zach had offered me the ability to talk to him. All these damn secrets had me feeling like I was about to snap. I couldn't wait for the time when I could be open and tell Eric everything.

"He apologized to me, to us both really, for ever making it seem like he could be mad at or hate us for transferring." Eric's worried expression softened a little and he looked relieved and happy for me. "He also told me that he was sorry if I ever felt he blamed me for what happened that day. That it was his worry and anger at his own failure as a father but that he never meant it to translate for me as anything other than that."

In his eyes something flashed and I think if I could read minds I would hear him mentally shouting something along the lines of 'fucking finally'. My lips curl into a smile before I burst into laughter causing him to pull back and look at me with his eyebrows in his hairline.

"What?" He asked, but his lips were curled up. Maybe already guessing why I had started to laugh.

I shake my head, biting my lip to hold in the laughter. I couldn't hold it in though and gasped it out. "Oh god…" I finally said as I wiped a tear from laughing from the corner of my eye. "I swear I heard you mentally shouting 'Fucking Finally' or something equal to that."

I saw him struggling to hold in his laugh but he failed and the others joined him too. "Think you know me so well do you? I believe it was actually; fucking finally now maybe she'll listen us."

This caused me to laugh even harder as he pulled me into his lap and kissed the side of my head. When the laughter subsided I stayed in his lap while we finished lunch. Chase and Zach had still been pouring over something on the tablet. Taking turns in snatching at away from each other and fiddling with it.

Eric looked over to them with a raised eyebrow after he finished his lunch. "What are you two doing over there anyways?"

Chase looked up and to me as Zach took the tablet from him. "We were looking up if there was anything on dream interpretations and specifically on animals. We found something that you might want to hear."

I braced myself, tensing in Eric's lap. He kissed my shoulder and nodded to Zach who looked at him questioningly. He cleared his throat and then began to read what they had found.

"Blank Panthers are one of the strongest spirit or totem animals there are. If you have been visited by this particular totem animal it generally means you are being encouraged to understand the power within the shadows and to acknowledge these powers to help eliminate your fear of the dark and unknown. If the panther has shown up it is inviting you to befriend the night and work through your fears. To remember that through death, we are reborn. Live your dreams, discover your desires and begin a new chapter in life." Zach finished in a slightly tremulous voice, his eyes clouding with emotions.

I looked down, chills had started to run up and down my spine as soon as he started to speak. Shudders almost wracked my body at the end. Eric's arms tightened around me and all was quiet. No one daring to speak and though they couldn't know all of why what Zach had read struck such a strong chord in me, I could tell they sensed it. They at least knew a little bit of it.

I let out a shaky breath and looked to Eric, an idea forming in mind. "I need to take this and use it. I want to make a permanent reminder of that and this moment."

Understanding and approval lit his eyes as his lips curled into a smile. "You want to get it tattooed on you." It wasn't a question just a simple statement.

I nodded slowly. "Yes. I want to get it tonight if I can."

"We can do that. Where do you want to get it?" Eric asked and looked down as if trying to gauge where I might want it.

The thought of my side, where certain scars wrapped around my ribs struck me and I thought that would be a perfect place. "On my left side along my ribs, possibly going slightly around to my back depending on the design."

There is a pause before Eric asks me what design I had in mind. It takes a few minutes as I close my eyes and try to imagine it all together but also the images I have had of the panther in the past. So I begin to describe that out loud to them. In the end there is some kind of silent communication between the three of them before Zach is once again on his tablet.

"It's set up for tonight just after lights out. He will be there at your place." Zach states matter of factly and Eric smirks and looks at me with a shrug.

"Done. But I get to be there for it." He paused when he must have caught the anger I was about to whip out at him for this being dictated to me. "Kat, let me be there for this. Not just because I don't want you alone with someone for that long no matter that I trust them but just because I want to be there for this."

Well, when he puts it like that there at the end…..

He smirks before I can even get my sigh and nod of agreement out. Goddamn blue eyes. They might be my damn kryptonite.

"Well if we are going to fit that in we better get started on why we came here." Chase says with a grin as he stands up and starts to pack everything away.

Eric kisses me briefly before standing me up and then playfully slapping my butt, causing me to gasp and whip around with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. He grins at me wickedly and winks before moving away to the other side of the room.

I glared at his back for a moment before I helped to clean up and pack stuff away. "We are just going to leave this and it will be collected later. We need to go up a level to the observation area for what we are doing." Chase said with a smile as he motioned for me to follow where Eric and Zach had just slipped off to.

We had to walk up some stairs to get to the level we needed and as soon as I stepped out into the open air with the wind whipping around us, the reality of what were were about to do hit me.

I once read that the Space Needle stood at six hundred and five feet tall. I feel every foot of that looming in front of us. It is exhilarating and nerve wracking at the same moment. I was stuck looking out at the view, trying to imagine everything I knew about zip-lining and the things that could go wrong.

Warmth enveloped my hand and I looked up to see Eric studying me. "You aren't changing your mind." Again not a question, just a determination on his part. Knowing I wasn't backing down but wondering what I am thinking.

I shook my head and smiled. "No. I was trying to think of all I know about zip-lining along with anything that could possibly go wrong."

His eyes crinkled a little but he didn't smile. "Don't think...or at least not like that, Kat. Dauntless wouldn't think about what could go wrong they would just do it. I need you to start doing this now baby. Earlier….with that Erudite, I get why you chose to strike back the way you did. It did real damage to her and hit her harder than any threat of physical violence would have. It is going to be a stretch if someone catches wind of it for me to spin it as you playing off of tactical advantages and knowing an enemies weakness. I can even put it out there that you have learned from watching me in training and our morning punishments. But incidents like that are going to be harder to explain away, baby. Starting now...you think and act like a Dauntless. Understand me?"

I swallow with a frown but nod. I also admit something to him. "I'm not going to apologize for that, Eric. I knew before I did it that it was going against your warning. But it….it felt too important, to vital, to make that point to _her_. I don't know if it is just because she is Will's sister and I have come to think of him as a really good friend and family or something else. It feels bigger than that though and I can't explain it. I needed her to see the lies she was being fed."

Eric paused for a long moment, like he himself was trying to see it from my point of view. His jaw was clenched and his lips thinned. There was also something there in his eyes that told me he knew what I was talking about. That he also knew why it was important but he wasn't going to tell me.

He takes a breath and nods. "We need to get going." Is all he says and no matter how much I want to push him for answers I know I can't. Not when there is so much I leave out but he hasn't pushed me for.

His large hand engulfs mine as he leads me to where Chase and Zach are waiting.

"Ok this is how this is going to work, princess. Chase is going first and you go after him. There will be a few drops but the harness will be secure so you don't have to worry about that." Chase interrupts him by bouncing with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. She doesn't need coaching or babying. She's got this. Don't you?" He winks over at me and heads to the sling not even waiting for my answer.

I grin in reply though and give Zach a reassuring smile. He huffs but smiles and goes to help Chase get set up. Once he is laying down in the sling and the straps have been all tightened, I follow close behind while Zach pushes him to the edge. He gets a swinging motion before Chase gives us a thumbs up and with a whoop he is flung forward and down the line. I watch him hurtling at what look to be impossible speeds along a line that blurs into nothing in the distance. If he was still hooting with joy I couldn't hear.

"Ready baby?" Eric asks close to my ear.

A shiver of anticipation and nervousness goes down my spine but I nod to him. "I'm ready." I reply and am proud of the firmness of my tone.

He chuckles into my ear. "Good girl. Let's get you set up."

Then he helps me to lay in the sling while Zach holds it in place. Eric is the one to make sure all the straps are secure and I give out a huff as he tugs a little too tightly at times.

He gives me a small sheepish look but doesn't really look all that sorry about it. He is in protective mode right now and won't apologize for any measures he deems necessary. After I am all strapped in he grabs my chin and his eyes shine with pride but also worry. "I'll be right behind you. When you come to a stop, you are going to release the hooks and fall into what we have set up waiting for you."

"Yes _Sir_." I reply to him softly. He smirks and kisses me before pushing me to the side. I have a moment to take a breath as I look straight down to a drop that would have my knees going weak if I were standing.

I am not given a warning before on the second swing, I am hurtling forward. I was right and the speeds are ridiculous. I feel more like a bullet being launched from a barrel than a bird in flight.

The decline is gradual at first but it still all lends to the speed building up. The first drop almost has me emptying my bladder in shock, my eyes going even wider than they already are. No screams or cries come from me but I don't think they could even if I wanted too. With the rate of speed I am going, it would be impossible to project anything.

The shock of the experience begins to abate and I start to be able to enjoy. To turn my head slightly and watch as the city hurtles past me. To marvel in the illusion that I could fly to those mountain peaks that seem to be getting closer to me. My arms on instinct open wide and I revel in the way the wind whips against my clothes.

The line has a few more drops and takes me close to the ground and through buildings that have huge chunks missing from them. Steel beams and girders sticking out from those buildings as if giant teeth in the maw of some great titan or monster.

The cold of the wind stings my skin even through my clothes and sends sparks of that pain along my body but I barely feel it. I am being too pumped with adrenaline and happiness. I feel a burning in my soul at being here and alive.

My rate of speed begins to slow, I am able to make out more in the shapes around me. On the ground below me I see what looks to be a big black pillow with a manically arm waving Chase beside it. I wave my arms back and pump my first as much as I can, though Eric has me in so tight I am surprised I still have the ability to breathe at all.

When I finally get to a stop I can hear him telling me to unhook myself. It takes some maneuvering but I finally am able to release the hooks and drop into the pillow. Which happens to be filled with air. I am laughing as it swallows me up. An all consuming, belly shaking laugh that feels so good to let loose.

The bag is rocked as Chase must have lost patience and came after me. "You in there, sweetheart?" He calls out to me and I laugh even louder as I raise a hand up in the air.

He grabs it and helps to lift me up but balancing and walking on a airbag is easier said then done and I laugh even louder at the ridiculous picture we make trying to balance each other and walk to the side.

We finally do get down and then he scoops me up in a hug and swings me around. When he sits me back down he looks at me, a smile of pure happiness on his face. Something in my eyes must have amused him because he chuckles. "Something tells me you are officially addicted."

I laugh and nod, having just been thinking it was a damn shame we had to get back for the tattoo because I would be demanding to go again. "Yeah I was just thinking I wanted to go again….like now."

He smirks but then something catches his eye over my shoulder and he smiles, then points it out. A black smudge in the distance that I assume is Eric hurtling to us at the moment. My smile widens and I start bouncing, ready for him to be here already.

When he gets closer I see that he has a smile wider than I have ever seen it and that hair he likes to keep all perfect is all beautifully tangled. The thought crosses my mind that I could jump on that big pillow and mess it up a little more.

I don't get a chance because he, unlike me, didn't have issues getting out of the over puffed marshmallow. He also didn't waste any time in racing towards me, but I was already hurtling towards him to. I leaped up and he laughed as he caught me, my legs going around is waist. Our lips crashed together hungrily as the adrenaline and overwhelming joy turned into needing to share it with him in any way I could.

It felt like some kind of release but of what I couldn't begin to explain. Maybe just releasing myself? Being free, completely free and above any worries for those moments. Being connected in a way I would never have dreamed of.

We slowed our kiss as the beat of our hearts began to slow as well but he still held me tightly. Then our foreheads were pressed together and we stood there, clinging to each other and breathing each other in.

"Thank you." He whispered so softly I almost think I am imagining it. I don't get to ask what he is thanking me for before Chase is calling out that Zach is coming.

With one final soft kiss, he lets me down slowly and we turn to watch Zach make his own grinning and hooting appearance.

It was a moment I wanted to burn into my mind and heart, never to forget.


	55. Leave Out All The Rest

**A/N: No clue why I am up so damn early...but got the chapter edited and up for your viewing pleasure. Now I am going to go devour a few cups of coffee and prepare for the storm that is my toddler. May the odds be in my favor this morning. Enjoy ya'll!**

 **Chapter 55 - Leave Out All The Rest**

I knew there was something wrong with my sister the instant I saw her when I got back to the compound. Chase and Eric had broken away first and went ahead of me and Zach. They had to go and deal with training matters but they also didn't want it to look like we had all been together.

So Zach and I had made our way into the compound and by way of different hallways ended up in his office. Dinner wasn't for a few hours so I did end up staying with him in his office for a little bit.

He worked on a few things while I looked over a Dauntless faction law handbook; much to his amusement and him saying he could just see the smug look on Eric's face already when he told him what I had chosen to read. I chuckled in agreement and kept reading.

I had read and been forced to read the Abnegation ones before. Reading the first time hadn't been bad but the second and third times were just horrible.

Reading my chosen factions laws was enlightening, disturbing and interesting all at the same time. It started to bring up questions to my mind while at the same time answering others.

During that time Zach has asked me about Peter and my interactions with him. I gathered he was trying to get a sense of his motives and I answered that I couldn't begin to really guess other than it had something to do with his parents. From Zach's expression I knew he didn't think that was all of it and I agreed but I couldn't pinpoint what it would be.

It was also clear that he agreed with rolling with it. He also promised to have a talk with Peter and before Eric could get ahold of him.

Dinner time rolled around and with him walking me, I went to find my friends and sister. That was when I knew something was wrong with Tris. She came in looking upset and at first I thought her avoiding where Will, Christina and Al were sitting was all because of what happened in the Pit with Will's sister. It was the little looks that she cast in Al's direction that made me think otherwise. She didn't seem to want to talk about it and I knew better than to press her. I did vow to keep an eye on the meathead though.

Everyone involved in training was missing from dinner that night so it was just my friends and sister along with the other regulars at the table. Then we all went to the Pit to hang out. I got some quiet time with Tris and we talked about the visit from our parents.

I told her what dad had said and we both held hands with tears shining in our eyes a little from that. When I asked her if mom had said anything she got really quiet and just mumbled that she had said something similar. She was lying of course or just evading telling me. Mom must have said something that upset her but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it might be.

The part of me that needs to protect my sister, to shelter her from all the bad that I know is out there, wants to push and snoop until I find out. The thing is that over the past weeks I have come to see that my sister is blooming. I don't _want_ her to hurt. I don't _want_ her to have to face dangers or difficult situations.

I know that she _needs_ to though. I know that she needs to learn to be able to stand on her own, to fight her own battles. Because I know she can. I also she needs to know that I will always have her back.

"Tris.." I say lowly and look at her seriously. "I'm not going to push and ask what happened with Mom. If you can or want to tell me then you know I will always be here for you. I also want you to know Tris, that...I will _always_ have your back. We belong here. _You_ belong here."

I squeeze her hand to emphasize the last point. She smiles at me but I can tell it is strained. She nods to me and sigh. On the sigh I catch her exhaled whispered "What if I don't belong anywhere?"

I frown heavily and I jerk her hand to get her attention. My eyes burning with worry and anger at whatever is making her doubt herself. "Hey. You belong where you _choose_ to Tris. Do you want to be here?" I demand of her and my anger making my tone come out something close to what I know Eric uses, but I don't care.

She bites her lip and barely hesitates but nods. "More than anything."

"Then you will belong because you choose it. Because you will do whatever it takes to make a place for yourself in your faction. To be with your family and friends."

Tris looks off into the distance and takes a slow deep breath in and nods. "I belong here."

"Don't forget it. No matter what someone might try and fill your head with. We have always known where were belong."

Despite her smile to me, despite the bit of relief and confidence I can see coming back into her eyes, I can also still see that deep worry behind her eyes.

A worry that I know I can't touch right now no matter how much it might kill me. I realize in that moment that I am not the only sister that could be harboring some deep secret. Until I can go to her with mine I can't demand hers.

The dorm is full of the sounds of people in deep sleep. Whether exhaustion induced or not it all results in me being able to slip away at the time I am to meet Zach. What I am not expecting is Peter to slip out right along with me. Taking my elbow with a tight jaw he guides me along and had hissed for me to be quiet when I tried to demand what he was doing.

I find out soon enough when I see Zach smirking but also waving us to a hallway.

"What's he doing here." I whisper out to Zach when we finally get close to him.

Zach glances over to Peter, who finally let go of my elbow but is still walking close with his jaw clenched. "Well as your _boyfriend_ , it is only logical that if you were found gone in the middle of the night, he would be too. It will be assumed you two went off somewhere to be alone."

I groan at that and try to hold in the sick to my stomach feeling the thought of going somewhere with Peter to do anything of the sort brings me.

Peter glances at me and rolls his eyes with a huff. "Trust me, Stiff, the feeling is mutual. You aren't exactly my type."

Surprisingly his tone wasn't cruel or mean. If anything he was kind of amused. When we got to the hallway Zach had Peter wait a little ways away from the door.

"Better keep out of sight, Peter. I am not terribly sure he won't make good on that promise from earlier today." Zach mumbled to Peter, trying to keep it from my ears but failing.

I threw Zach a look wanting to know what promise Eric had made but just shook his head at me then guided me to the door. Just like the night of my dinner with Eric, Zach knocks briefly before putting in the code, sticking his head in and then making sure I go in before he goes off.

I give him an amused wave before turning back to see Eric's dining room has been transformed for the night with some kind of foldable table instead of the dining table along with a stool.

The surprise is seeing Bud there but also Eric bent over the table and working on what looks to be a sketch pad.

Bud looks up and sees me and his eyebrows go into his hairline before he gets a stern and worried look in his eyes. He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest before glaring at Eric. "Eric, you know I give a shit less about your reputation. But I swear to gods you better start explaining what half-pint is doing here in your apartment right now. I thought this was for you."

Eric looked up from whatever he was doing, his eyes cold and hard as the two men squared off. I moved forward and was about to speak but Eric looked over to me out of the side of his eyes, letting me know with a look to stay out of it. "We are together and just like anything else you know about me, that will be kept quiet. She isn't here against her will and I am not forcing her into anything."

"So all the shit about your torturing and beating the shit out of her on a daily basis in those punishments?" Bud asks, not giving an inch in the staring contest.

My temper rises and I huff angrily. " _Hello_. I am right here."

"So you are. In a leader's apartment after lights out." Bud looks over at me briefly as he says this dryly.

"The punishments are mostly a cover for us to spend time together but I won't lie and say we don't do actual work in them either." Eric replies blandly with a shrug.

There is tense silence before Bud turns to me with a sigh. "You know you are going to catch some major hell for this if it is ever found out, Kat. Right?"

I bristled and scowled at him. "I don't give a shit. Anyone that cares for me will only care that I am happy and anyone else can bring their happy asses and say something to my face. I won't live my life worried about what others are saying and let it dictate who I should be with."

Bud smirked at me and shrugged. "Ok then. Well, come take a look at what Eric has drawn up and see if you want any changes made."

My mouth drops open a little and my eyes snap over to Eric, who is looking down at the paper. Only knowing him like I do, can I tell that he is slightly embarrassed and maybe even worried? I didn't know he could even draw.

Intrigued and touched, I moved over to where he is standing. One look at the page has me melting inside and desire pooling in me. I let my fingers ghost over the shading and image he captured so perfectly from my description and what Chase and Zach found for me.

I lean against his chest for a moment and take a breath before I look into his blue eyes, full of anxious energy. A smile curls my lips and crinkles my eyes.

"It's perfect." I breathe out and my smile gets even wider as Eric has his own heart melting smile spread across his face.

He reaches out to cup the side of my face and strokes a thumb across my cheek but doesn't speak the words I know he wants to say. Not in front of Bud.

The moment is broken when Bud clears his throat and shifts.

"Let's check the placement and get it started. It is pretty big so it is going to take some time to complete." He warned and moved into the kitchen to where the rest of his equipment and instruments were set up.

With a blush I moved to Eric's bathroom when he told me I should go get changed. I would need the majority of my torso free so I chose to put on the sweatpant pajama bottoms, a sports bra and threw my hair up into a bun on the top of my head.

Eric tensed when I came out, lips thinned and cast a slight glare at Bud. The older tattoo artist smirked without even looking in my direction, apparently highly amused by Eric's behavior. The only time that Bud had any reaction to my state of dress was when he saw and encountered the scars along my side and back.

I was already laying on the table, facing away from him but towards Eric, who was holding my hand. They must have shared some look because Eric's lips thinned and he shook his head in the very slightest.

"Half-pint, I know you usually go without the numbing cream. Rib tattoos in the best conditions are painful as hell. But you have two other things going against you. I am afraid I am going to have to insist you go with the cream."

My hackles and temper start to rise when I knew where he was going with it. But him demanding me to use the cream has me seeing red.

"Angel…" Eric gives a pained whisper and leans forward, a hand pulling my head forward until his forehead is against mine. "You are the strongest person I know but you need to know when you do more harm to yourself in trying to prove you aren't weak. Maybe if you weren't dealing with the nerve issues it would be easier to see the sense in what you want to do. Why you want to do it. The reality is that you do have to deal with it. Ignoring it and not preparing for it is a bad way to approach things, just because of pride."

My eyes narrow at him and a growl comes from me as I huff. "Fine." I grit out between my clenched jaw, annoyed he used rationale and logic in the argument. "Use the damn cream."

"Thank you" Eric says in the softest of whispers before he kisses me quickly and pulls back. He is still smirking.

"Ass." I mutter.

Eric laughs loudly at that and shrugs, then repeats the words he said the first time I called him that. "I know. A completely in the right ass, but an ass."

My lips twitch around the snarl I try to keep on my lips as Bud chuckles and spreads on the cream before he begins the tattooing process.

The entire time Eric never leaves my side, nor do his eyes leave mine. My hand curled in his as the rendering of my past, my future, my fears and my pain is inked into my skin.

 _Eric_

"Fuck!" I grunted out in loud harsh bark.

I take back everything I said about wanting to get Kat more books to read. In fact, I am seriously contemplating confiscating every fucking last one she already owns. Hell, I just might go confiscate every goddamn book in Dauntless and have a huge bonfire!

In her hands they have become instruments of torture. Weapons of mass destruction on my sanity and control.

A guttural growl breaks free as my body trembles. My stomach and abdomen muscles tensing with the tension of trying to reign myself in just a little. Kat gives a loud moan that vibrates up my shaft while my hands are wrapped tightly in her hair. There is no gentle guiding in my movements right now.

I lost that fucking war and now feel nothing but fierce hunger and animalistic urges.

I have only myself to blame really. I went into the night on fire for her. The entire day had ramped up what I feel for her on a normal basis. Add that I felt this primal need to mark her, claim her, against any claim Hayes might have. No matter that Zach assures me there is no way he wants her like that. Even the thought that someone, anyone, might think she belongs to anyone other than me is driving me insane with jealousy.

Her tattoo desgin had been part of my need to satisfy that craving. It had started out that way but the more I started to work on it in my office, the more it had also turned into trying to encompass everything I see and feel is Kat. Being able to be there during her getting it inked was the most erotic fucking thing I ever experienced.

As soon as Bud had finished I had kicked his ass out. Then I had proceeded to spend the better part of an hour hungrily devouring Kat in a flurry of orgasms that I continuously brought her to. Her trembling, gasped, moaning sobs had driven me wilder and wilder. I hadn't been able to stop myself. Had no plans to stop.

Only her sobs turning to ones begging me to do just that stopped me from carrying on. I had held her then. Still burning with hunger and desire, hornier than I had ever been; but smug in the knowledge that I had pleased her so thoroughly she couldn't speak or think.

I should have thought more clearly. I shouldn't have relaxed my guard. I should have realized that Kat would never just accept not wanting to return my attentions with ones of her own.

She had started out teasing in that innocent way she has and even that, with the state of my arousal, was stretching it. Then she took every trick I had been using, adapted it, and applied it to me.

Any control I had was wrecked. The war I had to treat her gently and not like a fucking animal was gone. It didn't help that the rougher I got, the more she moaned around me.

Her movements were still inexperienced and I could tell she was trying to take more and more of me into her mouth. Both her hands are wrapped around me and moving up and down along with her mouth as I move her head and my hips in a fast rhythm.

Now I am fighting myself from letting loose a string of filthy things in response to the urges being with her brings up. Urges I had never had before with anyone and was for fucking sure not going to give in with Kat.

"God damn baby you make me feel so fucking good." I growl out, panting as I get closer to a release.

Kat gives a pleased hum and sigh around me making me close my eyes at the sensation.

Fuck the things I want to do to her. Why does she inspire this shit in me? Maybe it is the absolute passion and abandon she has when she is with me. The trust she shows in taking and giving pleasure.

My hands tighten in her hair, as my body tenses while I near what I can tell is going to be a hell of an explosive release. My moan joins hers as she increases her efforts, knowing and feeling what is about to happen.

"Baby…." I husk out as I open my eyes and look down at her. The sight of her, head bobbing up and down on me but her bare ass right there for me to see has me clenching my jaw and fingers digging into her hair. She is wiggling and moving her thighs, plainly trying to ease her own raging arousal. "Shit you look so good with your ass in the air, kitten." I growl feraly out before I can bring the words back.

She doesn't get repulsed or pull back, if anything her movements increase as do her moans. No not moans, at least not normal ones. I recognize it for what it plainly is and it pushes me over the edge.

Her body is trembling and she is crying out in what is clearly an orgasm while I explode inside her mouth with a grunting growl and a hoarse bark. I swear my eyes roll back in my head and my heart feels like is going to break free of my chest.

When the trembling stops and my body lets go of the muscle lock it went under, I collapse back onto the bed, panting and breathing hard. In a state of shock and wonder. Sometime during that Kat had freed me from her mouth and was collapsed with her forehead against a thigh. I couldn't see her face but I felt a sense of embarrassment from her.

Panting and with a frown, I reach for her. "Come here, kitten." I husk out in a pant.

To my own slight embarrassment, rather weakly, I manage to drag her up and tuck her close to my side. She lays her head on my chest and is panting as well.

"Fuck you wreck me, baby." I say finally with a slight chuckle as I run my hands through her hair. Her eyes turn to mine and I see that darker green in them.

"Is that a bad thing?" Her voice is soft and a combination of completely done in as well as nervous.

I shake my head with a scowl. "Not at all, kitten."

Not really anyways. Yeah, it is bad I seem to lose control around her but that if it results in what just happened... _is_ it so bad?

"I came." She said innocently and with that tone of self-consciousness.

"I know, was sexy as hell." I reply simply.

I feel her smile on my chest and she sighs, relaxing into me. Her fingers trace over the bare flesh of my side, the tattoos under her cheek and along my ribs. I look to see her studying them. Probably analyzing them differently now that she knows I drew them all myself.

Does she recognize that the same type of shading I have in mine, I used in hers? That how I used smoke and shadows to obscure the lower body of the panther, they way it curls sinuously and seductively along her sides, is the same basis for parts of my own tattoos.

When thinking about everything I had discovered about her, some of her struggles and ones that I could only guess at; I had developed the design. The majority of the tattoo was a mixture of realistic looking smoke but shaded in the varying colors of black and grey. There are parts that wrap slightly around her back, following the scars in a way that incorporates them but morphs them as well. There are hints of the body of a black panther weaved into this until breaking out near the top is the upper body, with the head turned in profile. The look is as close as I could get to the exact way Kat looks when she is charged with her fire of determination. The mouth just slightly open, muscles tensed and breathtaking.

The only color is the one eye. Gold with flecks of green and there is no way anyone that knows her wouldn't know it is her eye color. The overall effect is that the pather looks to be formed from or emerging from those shadows and smoke.

Sexy, intelligent, deadly….strong and proud. Everything I see and feel in my kitten.

My arms tighten around her and I feel her movements begin to slow down, her breathing beginning to even out as she starts to drift off. I should force myself to help her get dressed. To clean up and then take her to the dorm for the rest of the time before morning.

I am pushing things with keeping her here. I close my eyes and lean my head down to press my lips to her head knowing I am not letting her go.

She drifts off deeply. I extricate myself to send off a few messages. Zach is keeping Peter out of the dorm in some way so that is covered. Chase is handling the other part of it. With a sigh of relief I straighten up the dining room, slip out of the pants that I never completely took off and into some pj bottoms. Then I carefully slip one of my shirts over Kat before slipping into bed beside her.

She curls into me and I am out before much longer in content and a small smile on my lips. The remaining weeks might seem like they will take forever but at the end I know I will have her right where she is and belongs every night.


	56. How Dauntless Are You?

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait for post. Our household was taken over by sickness and I have been struggling to get this edited. I am also in the middle of re-writing the last bit of chapters and that is changing previous ones. So please be patient I am working to make sure that the story is a good one!**

 **Also...OVER 100 REVIEWS! Not to mention the outstanding amount of views in general! You guys are amazing and I love the love for this story!**

 **Disclaimer: I still own nothing but own madcap plot and OC's.**

 **Chapter 56 - How Dauntless Are you?**

 _Kat_

Waking up curled in Eric's arms, feeling his deep breathing behind me and against my back, should have been the best feeling in the world. Unfortunately from the moment my eyes opened I knew today was going to be a sucky day.

My skin was on fire. It felt like the air was made of large grit sandpaper and was intent on stripping me in the most painful way. I have had snaps of pain here and there. Some lasting much longer than I let on but they faded eventually or at least dulled. I was getting used to hiding those and it had helped that there were things going on that kept my mind focused on other things.

Being with Eric was definitely one of those things. It was this weird contradiction that I couldn't explain. His touch during those times hurt but not having him there or touching me hurt much more. So I always tried my damndest to hide it. I smiled widely and laughed louder, even while inside I was screaming.

That was how I started our morning and eventually it did pass slightly. The start of the bad day wasn't just because of the pain, but when Peter joined us for breakfast. Eric had glared and snarled at him before he and Zach disappeared into the bedroom where there was strained voices and talking. Finally, Zach came out and started breakfast while Peter and I sat looking at each other awkwardly on opposite couches.

Eric came out and stood in front of Peter, arms crossed and a cold look in his eyes. "I think you know any physical contact with her besides the occasional hug is out of the question. You make any moves for anything else…." He trailed off in his soft menacing tone.

Peter didn't even flinch. In fact he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Not that it was going to happen anyways, but noted and understood."

Eric accepted the answer but grudgingly. I already knew I was going to be having a talk with Peter later on during the day. Over breakfast and while I was in pain was not the time to do it.

It was an off day. It was also the day rankings would be announced. I can only guess my rank would be a good one, judging from the slight smug smile Eric and Chase shared when it was brought up. Zach had glared them to silence when he saw they might be about to launch into some kind of bragging. At least he respected my need to find out with the other initiates.

Eric and Chase would be leaving to attend meetings about the conclusion of stage one and the next stage. They also said that there would need to be a set up and check of equipment being delivered from Erudite. There was a tension at this I didn't really understand.

All I know was that Zach was practically ordered to keep close to me today when they thought I couldn't hear as I was grabbing my jacket and finishing getting dressed.

Eric made a big show of kissing me before I left. Maybe it wasn't all for Peter because when I pulled away he had this look in his eye. Once again if I could read his mind I bet he was saying something like 'remember who you belong to'. His smug smirk caused me to narrow my eyes at him, making it even wider.

"I'll try to get away for lunch at least. It will have to be in the dining hall though." He said with a sigh as he pulled me close to his chest. I sighed into it and nodded.

"I know Lynn, Mar and Uri all really wanted to go see a movie and hang out. I haven't done much of that with them lately." Guilt hits me at that and Eric pushes me away a little with a frown on his face as he studies me.

He is silent for a little while and then kisses my forehead. "Then I will try and not steal you away tonight. Only tonight." He growls a little at the end.

With a small chuckle I raise up on my toes and smack his lips. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

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It was still early when we hit the Pit. Zach veered off to go to his office for something but said he would meet us in the dining hall. It was awkwardly silent as I grabbed some coffee and sat beside Peter. I was still struggling with the pain I was feeling and also not wanting to take that out on someone, even if that someone happened to be Peter Hayes.

He gave a sigh beside me and looked at me. "Are you seriously going to keep me wondering when you are going to snap on me?"

My lips twitch a little and I shake my head. "I hadn't planned on snapping on you at all. In fact that is why I haven't been talking. I don't like losing my shit out of anger."

He snorts at me and takes a sip of his coffee. "Could have fooled me. You and your sister have some tempers on you."

I shrug but don't deny that. "Doesn't mean that I like saying or doing something out of anger."

He nods a little bit. "Look. I am sorry I sprung that shit on you. I hadn't planned on doing it. But listening to him go on and harping on me but then started in on my mom again; I just had this thought pop into my head and I acted before I thought. I guess...I just knew out of anyone you would get it. Might even be the only fucking person here willing to help me even."

I bit my lip in thought and nodded and took a breath. "Some of the things he was saying...or...implying…."

Peter's face went hard and he shook his head. "Not something I care to talk about, Stiff. No offense or anything but I don't see it as your business and despite your helping me out back there I don't know you enough to want to talk about it."

I sigh but nod. "I get it. We all have shit we can't or won't talk about, or even admit to ourselves."

He gives a grunt of agreement and we don't talk anymore about it. Although by his reaction I can guess that my forming theory is also right. He wanted to show his mother that just because you came from Abnegation didn't mean you couldn't be more. He wanted to shut his father up and he wanted to stop any rumors that might have followed him from Candor.

Zach joined us with Tris coming in shortly after. She looked between the two of us surprised but then came to sit closest to me after grabbing herself coffee and breakfast.

"I looked for you in the dorm. Was going to see if you wanted to grab breakfast." Tris mumbled a little tiredly.

I raised an eyebrow at her and the side of my mouth twitched up. "You looked for me in the dorm?"

Her eyes got a little wide and she swallowed her bite of toast. 'Umm...yeah you know, when I got up."

My lips tilted up into a full smile. Obviously I wasn't the only person that hadn't been in the dorm all night. But bringing that to attention could be bad and she still hadn't told me about Four yet so, I would be good.

"Yeah. I was with Peter." I said simply with a shrug.

Her eyes flicked to him, as he smirked and scooted closer but refrained from touching me more than that. I wanted to laugh at the situation in general but just looked into my cup and continued to drink.

"So what do you want to do for our off day?" Tris asked to try and relieve the quiet tension.

I shrugged in thought. "I know Uri said something about going to watch a movie later in the afternoon. I wanted to go get all my stuff cleaned. So that means a stop by the laundry facilities to drop everything off. I don't know...I guess we can just decide as we go." I frown at the thought of that and see Tris mimicking me.

"What is wrong with winging it?" Peter asked from beside me and looking at the two of us.

I shrug but it is Tris who answers. "There isn't anything wrong with it, just something we are going to have to get used to. Almost every minute of our days for twenty years was a planned thing."

I nod in agreement and still frowning. "Even when I was secretly training it was all planned. I had to plan for everything because I needed to be able to keep up with everything I was supposed to do but also what I needed to do for here."

Tris gave a small nod and I looked to her. She smirked a little and shrugged. "Probably no where near what you did, Kat. But at the end I got some training in."

I smile at her and feel a little of my resentment towards Four melt a little. Peter huffs a little and shakes his head. "No wonder all stiffs are so uptight. You never have _any_ time to yourselves?"

"Not until just before bedtime and by then you are so damn tired all you want is to sleep." I reply and take a drink but will the subject to be changed. I can see it is making Tris uncomfortable and like we are criticizing the faction.

Luckily that happens in the form of my friends stumbling in to join us finally.

Not going to train or doing something of that nature, even with my pain levels, is much harder than I thought it would be. It is amusing that I see my sister struggling with right alongside Lynn and I.

Two hours into our day off and we cave then convince Zeke to take us to the training room and be there for us practicing with knifes. It makes the time pass quickly and before I know it, lunch time has rolled around. Training wasn't a mistake really but by the time I was sliding into the table I was feeling exhausted already.

Of course Lynn was eyeing me like a hawk. She had been giving me eyes all day so far letting me know she wanted to talk about all that had happened so far. The table was packed and while there was our regular crew there were also all the leaders and trainers.

I wisely kept away from sitting right beside Eric but he didn't let me get far. I was sandwiched in between Chase and Lynn directly opposite him. Tris was still sitting with us while Peter was near Zeke and Zach.

Conversation was ranging between talk about the last stage of training to Uri trying to get hints about the next stage. There was a tenseness about the ranks and I could tell all of the initiates were thinking about them but not sure if they should talk about them or not with the leaders and trainers around.

Honestly I didn't want to talk about them right now or think about them. Talk couldn't change them and it would just cause stress.

I looked to Lynn and remembered a conversation we had and something we had come up with while drunk but then had broadened it while sober. It was a fun bit and I thought might help to distract the others.

"Hey Lynn, did you ever give Mar and Uri the rundown on that game we came up with?" I started out knowing she most likely hadn't because we had said we would tell them together.

Lynn smirked at me because she knew what I was doing in trying to distract the others. She also knew it was going to have at least Zeke and Uri right away just by saying the word game.

"Oh. A game! Do tell!" Uri cooed as predicted.

Lynn and I shared a look and laughed at his predictable reaction. I also saw that we had everyone else's attention as well.

"Ugn." Peter actually groaned. "Did you come up with this while you were drunk, stiff? Cause if you did I am afraid of what shit is going to be in this game. Sober you is hard enough to handle." He muttered and while I could tell it was somewhat playful he was also being serious.

I glared when I saw several slight nods of agreement.

Lynn full on laughs. "It was sort of proposed while drunk but we only remembered the general idea. So we have had to make do with sober moments to fill in the blanks."

"Oh good lord." Tris mutters.

"Hey. You don't have to play but I am telling you it is awesome. Much better than that stupid game Candor or Dauntless. That is just fucking ridiculous and pointless." I saw with a scowl.

Zeke scoffs. "Obviously you have never had the pleasure of playing so you can't be the judge of that. Why don't you tell us about this oh so epic game and the real judges can make that determination."

"Honestly anything would be better than that game." Eric muttered darkly causing several of the dauntless members to snicker.

Lynn and I look at each other and she gives me an 'after you motion'. So with a nod I start out.

"Ok so the name of the game is 'How Dauntless Are you?'." I start out but am automatically by 'oohs' and 'aahs'.

"Well, I am already liking the name." Max joins in the conversation with a smile. "Go ahead, now even I am interested."

My eyes get wide and I blush a little then look to Lynn, who bites her lips to keep from laughing and shakes her head.

"Bitch." I mutter then sigh. "Ok, well I guess we should tell you why we came up with the game. Because like I said I was ranting that the game Candor or Dauntless was rather pointless and just didn't feel very...Dauntless like. So we were thinking of what we liked about the game and how we could use it in something else."

Lynn nodded after taking a drink of her soda. "It is all basically rubbish except for the dare part obviously. So we based it around dares or challenges. No truth bullshit unless that is part of the challenge you bid to complete."

I nod and look around at the confused looks. "In pre-war times they had these game shows on tv that I got the idea from. For How Dauntless Are You, there would be two teams that go against each other. Each team will send an individual up to go against the other team's person. So the game itself is both a team effort and individual. It is also completely possible for an individual to totally kick ass in the game but the team lose by the way."

Lynn looks thoughtful for a moment and then nods. "Yeah I guess you are right about that. So the game goes like this. Say Kat and I are facing off against each other. Someone, a person that isn't playing, will tell us that they are holding an sealed envelope with a unknown challenge in it. These challenges could be anything from….go hang off the chasm bridge to go sit on someone's face and fart on it. The players don't know but the judges will."

I break out laughing at the example and Uri's face because it is something his brother did and still does. Uri shakes his head. "Not funny. No one wants a mouthful of Zeke farts, trust me."

Laughter rumbles up and down the table. "I had wondered how that was even an example." Chase says with a smirk and reached out to high five Zeke.

I shake my head at them and pick up. "So say Lynn and I are up against each other and we both want to be able to do that challenge. Because getting the challenge and completing it will get my team points. It will also give me bragging rights but more importantly get us a marker."

"A marker? Like in poker?" Chase asks and perks up with a smile.

Lynn and I grin at each other and smile. "Almost. Points would be too easy and lame if you ask me." Lynn replies. "So we came up with a better idea. Dauntless live for daring acts, why not put daring acts as the currency. A marker would be that persons IOU for a challenge. The winner of that IOU could call in the marker at anytime. We were thinking that the markers could have a severity of the type of challenge they could be used for. Like say..running around in the Pit in just your undies might rate as low while say, riding on top of the train would be a bit higher."

I paused and took a bite of my food and drink while I let everyone process this. Eric's eyes were looking very calculating and even Four was looking deep in thought.

"It could work." Eric mutters. "Who would be in charge of the markers though because that could just end up in shit and chaos if left up to the players? And who determines the challenges because there are some that even I wouldn't want initiates to be doing." He said this last and gave me a look that said he meant more me.

"I agree." Four said and then paused. The whole table went still for a moment while Four and Eric turned their heads towards each other.

"Un-fucking-believable." Zeke breathes out.

The two enemies hold eyes for what seems like centuries. If I didn't know better I would say some kind of silent communication goes on between them. In fact, as they turn around, I think it has.

The table literally has been holding it's breath and then Four speaks again. "If initiates are going to play this I think trainers should be the judges." He shrugs. "Also it would give us the chance to see what the game is about and if it works."

Chase smirks over at me and winks. "I wouldn't mind running the game. You are all aware that there will be no drinking in it though, right?"

There are a few groans but I couldn't care less. I am actually ok with this. I shrug with a grimace remembering my night of drinking. "I think I am more than ok with that stipulation. I don't care to worship at the altar of porcelain again anytime soon."

There is much laughter and joking at this. Most of it at my expense as Peter relays how I was saying to him that the chasm was good when I woke up and other little tidbits. It isn't mean at all and the entire conversation produces the result that I was looking for. Distracting everyone from what will be waiting for us later tonight.

By the end of the lunch the trainers, leaders and my friends had all gotten involved in hashing out the details of the game. Eric and Four had these little gleams in their eyes that kind of sent shivers down my spine and not the good kind.

It was the kind of look that said they had ideas and plans and they weren't going to be ones we liked at all. As we were talking and laughing about the game I noticed that there were other tables that looked to be listening in and then bits of conversation buzzed around the room.

Max looked to me with a smirk as he noticed what I was looking at. "So you are noticing the buzz of the hive huh? I have always said not much goes on in Dauntless that won't get around eventually but you mention things like dare or challenge and it is like they all have radars for it. I am sure that by the time you have actually run a game, the whole of Dauntless will be watching and waiting. Just ready to start their own versions of it."

Zeke smirks and rubs his hands together. "Oh yeah. I am already looking forward to some special challenges. Ones that involve…"

"Zeke!" Four barks out with a scowl. "Save it." Then he frowns and looks between Tris and I. "Actually you know what...we make that a rule for the initiates. No kind of sexual challenges. No sexual markers either."

I hadn't thought of that and I guess neither had Four, Eric, Chase or Zach because at the mention of it their faces darkened. "Agreed." Their voices combined forcefully.

Max casts some kind of look to Eric, who clears his throat and with clenched fists he eyes the table up and down coldly. "I have no desire to see a bunch of initiates descend into an orgy, especially when this will be considered part of training. No sexual anything."

Zeke's face falls but then he looks at them. "Wait. That's just for the initiates right? Not for members or when the initiates become members?"

Lips thin and fists clench but Four grits out a "Yes." to Zeke who smiles his blinding smile again.

"Excellent." Is all he says when he takes a bite of his cake.

In all the game lines up quickly.

Two teams will face off against each other. The number of people will depend on how many want to play and if there are an odd or even amount. If there is an odd amount someone will have to sit out unless someone else can be added.

There will be a set amount of points the teams will reach to win the game. If there are more than one round to go, the players will face off against a new person each round so they aren't facing the same person every time.

The judges will be non-players. For the case of the first game it will be the trainers. Somehow they were able to work it out that it is going to be Eric and Four that are the judges. Their job will be to present each challenge but also will be the ones to make up this trial set of challenges. The challenges will be put in an envelope and sealed up then when it comes time for the players to bid on them it will be randomly selected so even those two won't know exactly the challenge is.

They will also make sure that the challenges are completed, tally and keep track of the points for each team and finally hold the markers until the challenge has been determined as completed.

On Chase's suggestion if a player bids on a challenge and wins but either can't complete it or backs out, they lose a point and the other team has the option to take up the challenge and win a free point.

Tris had sat listening and adding things here or there but at the end she added something that floored a few people, including me.

"What about adding a marker that is kind of like….a special one. One that trumps all others. If you are using markers as wagers as I understand it then there should be one that they can lay down to bet the lower ones. But it is so big that the player only has one of them." Tris said in a contemplative tone.

"Like what Trissy?" Uri asked with a smile.

"Well. What about a marker for a challenge of choice but one they cannot refuse at all. That could be the marker. That whatever the challenge, they cannot refuse and it can be at anytime with no expiration date." Tris said with a shrug.

"That would be a big one." Lynn says with a nod and I smile at Tris with a nod of my own.

So that is added to the marker possibilities.

"Well, this was all very interesting. I can't wait to hear about the results of this game." Max smirks over at Four and Eric then stands. "But it is time to get back to business."

He stands and heads off with others following. Eric gives me a look while Chase mutters a catch you later near my ear.

"So about that movie." Mar says with a smile. "I was thinking we could watch The Notebook."

"No!" Comes the resounding denial from Lynn, Uri, me and Peter; who I had to tell everyone that he would of course be coming to hang out since he is my boyfriend.

Mar frowns while Tris looks confused. "Ok what am I missing?" She asks and shares Mar's frown but because she sees her upset.

Lynn sighs and closes her eyes. "Mar you have seen that movie a million times. I am sorry but I just cannot handle the level of gagging romance, angst and good lord could that ending be any more like being kicked in the balls! So I am sorry..but no."

I nod slowly. "I have to agree. I haven't seen the movie but read the book and I just don't think the kind of movie we are going for today."

Mar tilts her head and thinks about it then agree. "I got ya. Well how about The Hangover?"

As surprised as I am about her choice for a moment it makes sense she would pick up what is needed and choose that. Mar has always been sensitive and a peacemaker.

"Sounds good!" Uri smiles at her while we all agree.

Tris and I link arms as we head off to the Pit after lunch where we will go to the theatre that shows movies. It is honestly just a big cavern type place that has different rooms with a huge projector screen that was adapted to be able to use the projector connected to the archive network.

You pay points to rent the room and select the movie you would like. We all chipped in and picked that movie and the second one as well. A further purchase of some snacks and we were set for the evening until dinner.

As I sunk into the chair with Peter on one side and Lynn on the other I cringed at the pain racking my body. I vaguely wondered if anyone would notice if I just made myself pass out during the movie but figured that would probably be noticed right away and then questions would be asked.

With a sigh I hunkered in and tried to enjoy the day as much as possible.

"Omg that was….that was…." Tris has wide eyes as we walk out of the theatre and into the Pit.

"Hilarious." Uri supplies with a laugh.

Tris shakes her head and I laugh. "Pretty Awful?"

She looks over to me and nods. "I mean did you see that craziness? And that poor baby."

Lynn laughs and shakes her head. "It wasn't a real baby Tris."

"I know that but still it was just awful. I mean some of it was pretty funny." She conceded with a shrug as we continued on to the dining hall.

Dinner much more serious for all the initiates than lunch. There were no trainers or leaders around to keep them from speculating about rankings. The Dauntless born were just as worried as the transfers. Because she spent the day with us I think Tris felt she needed to spend dinner with Chris, Will and Al.

She was still being weird for her around Al. He is just weird regardless so I didn't see him acting any different really even when I was trying to watch him. I looked around for Edward and Mayra and didn't see them.

I tried not to show too much how much what I knew was coming up was upsetting me but with my pain already being so bad and the stress of rankings I am just worn out.

"What's wrong, Stiff?" Peter whispered from beside me.

I shrugged and shook my head.

"Don't give me that shit. If something is wrong and I didn't try and help…." He huffs and stops. "Just tell me what it is please."

I sigh and look at him. "I can barely stay awake I am so exhausted. The pain isn't helping either."

I admit and am shocked to see real worry in his eyes for a moment. Then they close off and he goes back to his normal looks.

Lynn had been paying close attention and leaned in. "We go see my sister."

It was a gritted command and one I saw I wasn't going to get out of it. Not when she looked over to where Zach was sitting close to us. I knew if I didn't agree and go she was going to make sure I went one way or another.

"Fine." I grumbled with a nod.

Lynn and I went to the clinic right after dinner. I didn't even have to explain myself fully to Shauna. She knew if I was there it was bad. I still refused to take anything to hard.

"Rankings are being posted." I say by way of being able to leave quickly. She had wanted to keep me for a few hours.

Shauna nodded and looked to Lynn. "Make sure she gets to the dorm. Kat, it might not be hard pain meds but you are already past the point where you are going to be able to function. Get right in bed when you get to the dorms."

She isn't wrong about my ability to function. I have been fighting so hard against the pain and myself all day that by sheer exhaustion alone I feel myself slipping. Lynn has to let me lean on her to get me to the dorm.

When I get there, I almost collapse onto the bed. I don't get to settle before Tris is beside me worriedly asking me if I am ok. I can here Lynn and her talking and the rumble of Peter's voice. I feel myself being moved as if I am being undressed and covered. But that is the last I can determine before I let sleep take me away from the pain.

Something is wrong. Someone is near but I can't tell who. I can't get my body to respond and I hear something.

A struggle going on around me?

I try to wake myself up and fight back when I feel the hands on me but then something is pressed against my face and lose the ability for even my weak attempt at fighting.

I hear a hiss against my ear. Something menacing about me getting what I deserve before the total blackness takes me over.


	57. The Weak Do Not Inherit

**Chapter 57 - The Weak Do Not Inherit**

 ** _Eric_**

It's killing me to be kept away from Kat all day. I know she is having fun with her friends and that I need to let her do things like that but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Especially when I am stuck dealing with goddamn Erudite.

I am thankful it isn't Jeanine. That at least is something in our favor. Still their presence in Dauntless at all is making me more on edge than normal.

Max sent Four to deal with the rankings announcements to the Initiates while Chase and I are with the Erudite in getting the simulation serums and machines set up and calibrated. It takes way too long and dinner is long over by the time we are done dealing with their condescending bullshit.

Then there is making sure we see them out of the compound, per Max's orders.

Zach greets the two of us in the Pit when we do finally make it there.

"Things were fine. They just went to the theatre and watched a double feature then had dinner. She did make a stop in the clinic though." He tells us with a frown.

Instantly I go tense. 'What! Why?"

"Shauna said that she complained of pain so went in to get something." He says meaningfully.

If she asked for something it must have been bad. Guilt and frustration invade as Chase looks to me with a frown as well.

"Don't even think it, Eric. You have been pushing it as it is. I don't like leaving her in the dorm any more than you do even without the fact that she is hurting."

I growl under my breath, knowing he is just trying to keep me from making a mistake and outing us but hating him and this right now.

"How did the ranking reveal go?" He asks to distract me most likely.

Zach shrugs. "Ok. He wouldn't tell me much other than there was some grumblings but no fights at least. Molly threw the biggest stink. The Erudite girl, Sally, broke down when she saw her name was last."

I frown because there is no mention of Kat at all in there. Her getting first should have warranted some kind of reaction from herself at the very least. I was already expecting some kind of bitching and moaning about it from the others no matter if she did all the work to deserve it.

Honestly, I expected lots of grumblings. Not only was Kat first but her sister, Tris came in at fifth place. The fact that two former stiffs, female at that, are in the top five of rankings is going to draw some backlash from the other initiates.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is even some from the supposed friends Kat's sister has among the transfers.

"What about Kat? How did she react to getting first?" Chase asks the question on my mind.

"I wasn't there and I couldn't exactly be there without drawing notice. Four didn't mention one way or the other. I was going to ask Peter when he came back out from the reveal but it looks like they must have all decided to call it an early night." He answered with a shrug.

My frown deepened and I wanted nothing more than to go to the dorm and check on her right that moment.

"Did she say anything to you, Zach? About hurting at all?' I ask softly as others surround us in the Pit.

He shakes his head and I can tell it upsets him just as much as it worries and pisses me off.

I get that she is used to protecting others. Is used to dealing with things on her own.

I even know she trusts me, but times like this makes me question and doubt this. Question how much she trusts me if she won't be honest about something like this when she knows how I feel about it.

I feel my anger building no matter that I try not to let it.

"Fights." Chase grinds out and I see some of the anger I am feeling mirrored in his eyes.

With a nod and my expression cold I agree. "Fights."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Getting a few fights in took the edge off of my anger. The last thing I wanted to do was take my anger out on her. Although, I would be having a talk with her.

I mused on how to approach that and her fear sims while I am taking a shower. It is late and I have tried to put off going to bed alone as long as possible.

I had just gotten dressed and was debating just sleeping on the couch when the loud banging on my door sounded along with the blowing up of my phone.

Grabbing the phone I head to the door while answering both at the same time. "What." I say to both at the same time as well.

"There's been an attack" are the first blurted words from the control room detail.

Standing before me is a panicked looking Peter Hayes. "They took her...I mean they tried to take her but I stopped them…"

He isn't even done speaking when I jerk him into the apartment . "Stay there." I ground out and then go back to the phone.

"Go ahead." I bark out the order to the control room operator while at the same time moving to get dressed.

By the time I am done getting a run through of what the control room knows, which isn't much of shit, I am dressed and already stalking out of the door. I toss Peter a look and he gulps as he follows me.

"Now, what exactly were you saying?" I get out in a low voice as he follows me down the corridor.

"There were sounds of a scuffle that woke me and I went to check on Kat first. She wasn't in her bed and I could make out the faint shadow of someone trying to get up the stairs and out of the door of the dorm. I lunged after them and there was a struggle but they had Kat. She is out and I don't know why. But I got her to the clinic and ran here." He gulped out, eyes still wide and I could tell there was worry and even a little panic going on behind them.

My face tightens along with my body at what I am hearing. "Get back to the clinic now. I will be sending Zach to be there since I can't fucking go there myself." I snap out and break off to head to the dorm.

It kills me that I can't go to Kat. But with one initiate stabbed in the eye and Kat attacked as well with no information, I am being called in along with Four to investigate the dorm and ask questions.

The scent of blood hits me right away.

That is the first thing I notice. The second thing I notice is that Tris is covered in blood and the initiates are all looking stunned.

I approach Four and stand to listen as he starts to question the initiates. The entire time all I can do is barely hold in my impatience to get to the part where we go to the clinic and check on the people we have there.

A tick develops in my jaw and I snap finally. "This is pointless. Obviously no one saw anything of any use to us." I say to Four coldly.

Four glares at me but I am done. With a look around the room I turn and go to the clinic.

Before I can even get out to the clinic I am called by Max. He wants to know what we found out.

Who attacked who.

I have no answers and that is never good. Especially when one of the people attacked is one of the people that it was made a point of keeping an eye out for.

"That isn't good enough. I want more information on what happened to her and who the attacker was. I have to report this to Jeanine at some point but I want it kept quiet until we know who was involved. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Yes, Sir." I reply tightly into the phone.

"Eric, I have an idea what your first instinct is going to be on this. She has to stay in the clinic." His tone and order is clear and I cut off the bubbling snarled curse I want to let out. "But I want her in one of the rooms not out in the open and you can post whoever you feel is appropriate to the situation. I give you full authority on that part."

It is a small concession and I recognize it.

"Thank you, sir." I reply simply but with true honesty.

"Keep me posted." He gets out before he disconnects the call.

I have to force myself to go to where they are working on Edward first.

"Status." I demand in my soft and intimidating tone.

"We were able to stabilize him and stop the bleeding. We are working right now to see about the eye and if it can be salvaged or not." The nurse informs him.

I notice a practically catatonic Mayra, his girlfriend, sitting in a chair waiting for some update on her boyfriend.

My eyes move over the room until I find Kat with Peter sitting right beside her bed. "Per orders from Max, the other initiate is to be moved to a room, preferably the one the leaders use. I will be remaining there myself until I can assign a guard to the clinic. Any word on what is going on with her?"

I would prefer Shauna to be the only one working on her, but she isn't on shift. As I am waiting for answers I pull up my tablet to get the order out that Shauna is to report to the clinic ASAP.

"There was a rag found nearby that has, what we can only guess until the lab gets back with the results, but it looks like it was some kind of chloroform. It must be a thrown together one because she isn't reacting like someone normally would to it. There also…." the nurse and looks at me for a minute, taking a deep breath and raising her chin at the ice in my eyes that is growing by the second. "There also appears to have been an attempt to choke her to death during the attack. The bruising is quite deep and her windpipe has taken some damage but she should recover with a few serums and resting her voice as much as possible over the next few days."

"How isn't she reacting normal?" I grind out, trying to push aside the thoughts and words playing in my mind right now.

"She isn't coming to, but that could be a combination of things. We are going to keep an eye on her."

"Get her moved and set up. I will be in the room until further notice."

I turn on my heel and go to were I notice Chase has just entered the room with Four.

They are talking about the attack and what if anything was able to be caught on camera. There are no cameras in the dorm room so there is nothing to go by there. The cameras in the hallways catch nothing from before the attack out of the normal.

After the attack it only looks like the chaos of the initiates as they try to scramble for help or to get out of the room in shock.

The only thing clear is that it came from someone inside the room but we have no proof of who it might have been.

We have our suspicions but that won't get us anything.

I leave without saying another word and while Chase occupies Four.

I am already in the room, standing off to the side when they bring Kat in and get her all set up. Shauna shuffles in shortly after, looking wide eyed until she sees Kat and then I can instantly see her become all hard business.

I kept my distance until they had Kat all set. I sent Peter back to the dorms and then took up watch in a chair beside the bed.

I was lost in thoughts and feelings the entire rest of the night. Chase and Zach came in and out but only stayed long enough to check on Kat and myself. Kat had stirred vaguely during the night but went into a regular sleep directly after.

I'm lucky there are no cameras in that fucking room because at some point I couldn't take just sitting there beside her anymore. The thought of how easily she could have been taken from me had a clawing hurt raging through me and the only thing I felt could ease it some was to hold her.

So I had squeezed myself onto the bed with her and wrapped her in my arms. She stirred and cracked open her eyes, focusing on me for just one sweet second. Then she gave a broken raspy sigh and closed her eyes as she melded into me.

My body relaxes into her but my mind is racing.

I won't lose her. I can't.

When I find who did this, tried to take her from me, I will make them pray and beg for death before the end.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 ** _Kat_**

At first when I start to wake up, I panic. The last clear memory bleeds into nightmares for me and it left me feeling like I needed to come out fighting.

So that is what I did. I woke up swinging. It was wild, weak and not using any real skill. It was all desperation and anger.

So was the gasped raw scream I tried to get out that sounded strange and hurt like a bitch to let loose. My wild eyes didn't really register what was around me other than I was hovering over the form of the only person I had felt in the room.

"Kat!" Was yelled from the door before someone barreled in, wrapped me in their arms and pulled me off and away from who I had been wailing on.

When I finally started to register I wasn't being attacked and that I wasn't stuck in my nightmare, I was able to look into the soft blue eyes that I know belong to Zach.

"Zach?" I tried to say his name but it mostly came out broken.

He was watching me warily but he nodded and I felt myself being moved back over to the bed. "I'm right here, princess. Don't try and talk for right now. Your windpipe was damaged in the attack."

Movement over his shoulder caught my attention and the questions I had about this attack were pushed aside as I saw Chase being lifted by a few clinic staff and I got a look at him.

I had attacked Chase.

"No!" I tried to yell and tried to break free from Zach's hold to get to Chase.

"I'm fine, Kat." Chase grumbled as he brushed aside the nurse who was trying to attend to him. "Leave us." He ordered her then shoved her out of the door and closed it behind him.

I went to speak but Zach stopped me by putting a hand over my mouth and scowling at me. I returned it but there were tears burning in my eyes.

Chase walked over and shook his head. I heard he was chuckling before he pulled me into his arms for a hug and away from Zach. "Well, at least we know you will come out of something like that fighting."

He gave me a squeeze before letting me go and Zach pulled into a fierce hug of his own. "You still can't talk but Eric said you know Morse. So either that or writing will have to do for the next few days."

Morse and writing would be fine but I wondered if the sign language I learned from one of the factionless men would be faster and understood.

 _-What happened?_

I signed out after they told me to get back on the bed. They took up seats in chairs beside it.

They looked surprised for a moment but then Chase laughed and shrugged over to Zach.

"We don't know everything, Kat. But last night there were two attacks. One on you and the other on Edward. We don't know who did either."

Panic set in at the grave looks both had at the mention of the attacks. My first thought was about Edward.

 _-Edward?_

Zach looks at me and smiles sadly. "He's alive, princess. The attacker got him with a butter knife, but…"

 _-What!_

I demanded when I saw them exchanging looks.

"He was stabbed in the eye, Kat." Chase says softly and won't look at me.

It takes a moment for me to register this. Relief that he is alive starts to flood me but the horror at what that means takes over.

 _-He's out?_

I curse the fact that I can't speak but my expression and grunts must say it all.

Their expressions say it all too. I am up and trying to push out of the room in an instant.

"Kat, wait."

I huff and say fuck it to the vow of silence.

"Want to see him...now." I demand out in the best forceful voice I can manage.

Chase stands in front of the door and we have a stare down. His jaw is clenched and his eyes narrowed. Finally he gives a small nod but he looks to Zach.

"She stays in here. I'll go get Edward and bring him here."

I roll my eyes in annoyance. "Have to leave sometime."

"Stop. Talking." Chase grits out the order. "Or I restrain your ass to the bed and put a ball gag in your mouth."

I go to tell him he wouldn't but then I see the look in his blue eyes and know he would in a heartbeat.

I swallowed painfully and nodded to him slowly.

Zach pulled me back over to the bed when Chase left the room. While he was gone he told me what else they knew. That my sister and friends were being kept away because of the investigation from not only myself but Edward too. When I asked why the two of us were attacked, that was when Zach told me about the rankings.

He had been surprised that I didn't know but I told him I had been too out of it and sleepy to find them out. I saw the hurt and anger when I mentioned that. His lips had thinned and he said that he was told I had stopped by the clinic.

 _-I'm sorry. Didn't want you guys to worry._

There was a tick in his jaw as he looked away for a moment.

"I get you are used to dealing with things on your own, Kat. I don't know exactly what made you have to do that before. But that was before and you aren't alone in this anymore. We can't protect you, or even help protect others, if you aren't honest with us." He softens his tone at the end when he sees the guilt and pain I am feeling at his words.

I nod as tears fill my eyes.

 _-Hard to let go._

He nods and gives me a rueful smile. "I am willing to bet that loss of control is going to be one of your biggest fears you will face in the sims."

A smile tugs my lips but I don't get to answer because the door opens and Chase stands there for a moment before he motions for Zach to come out of the room. With a look and smile of reassurance that he isn't angry at me, he leaves.

Edward comes to the doorway and the breath leaves me in an angry rush when I see the wadded gauze along with an eye patch over his eye.

"Bastards." I growl in a broken rush.

"Kat!" Chase barks out in warning. "No talking. Edward has paper and pen with him. Use that."

He makes it an order but doesn't mention sign language. Probably is wanting me to keep that underwraps.

I give him a nod in acknowledgement that seems to satisfy him. He leaves us and when he does I look to Edward and let my tears fall.

He gives me a side smile, even though he is in obvious pain, and pats my hand.

"So sorry" I start to croak out but Edward gives me a stern look.

This is killing me and pissing me off. That must show because he gives a pained laugh that is mixed with misery and fear.

Fear of what is in store for him

I say fuck it to the pen and paper because what I need to tell him can't be traced anyways.

"Know signing?" I ask out loud as well as the hand sign language.

He frowns but nods and I give a relieved sigh.

I begin to tell him about the factionless, or what I can. I let him know that there would be two men to approach Mayra and him. That he can trust them and they would take care of them as much as possible.

At first I can tell he is doubtful and even confused. I can't tell him everything I know but I do tell him why it is so important for at least Mayra to go with the other group. When I describe some of the things she could and would be forced to do, to go through….I can tell he understands.

We don't have much time for talking about anything else. I do ask him if he saw who attacked him and something told me he knows but for some reason he wasn't talking.

"Take care of yourself, Kat. I have a feeling things are going to get worse for you, being first ranked. It looks like you are going to need to always be on your guard here."

He says this bitterly and I can't help but agree. It makes me sad as well that this is how my faction is. This is why I need to become a leader so desperately.

I watch Edward be walked out of the room and make myself that promise. I will become a leader and somehow make sure things like this won't happen again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am finally released and told that my sister as well as friends would be waiting for me in the Pit. It is past breakfast by the time I am allowed to go after another check up from Shauna. She has been updating Lynn and the others but I am not sure who and if anyone has talked to my sister.

Chase had already left to let Eric know I was awake and being released so it was left to Zach to trail Peter and I. Apparently Peter was allowed to come to get me, as my boyfriend, and walk with me back.

I was brought clothes and allowed to shower in the clinic. I stood staring at the bruises on my neck. Thick ugly looking ones that you could make out the clear impressions of fingers.

Large meaty fingers by the looks of them.

I search my memory to try and come up with any detail about the person that attacked me but it is so murky. I was already so tired and in a fog that in addition to whatever else the person used on me, I come up with nothing.

Other than a vague hissed warning of some kind.

The whole thing has me angry.

My blood is boiling.

I wish I could say it was all because of what happened to Edward and what he is being forced to do but it isn't. I am angry that was so weak and helpless. That I couldn't fight back but that I had to at all in the first place!

By the time I am ready to head out I am just hoping for something to happen that will provide me some kind of outlet.

I really need to be careful of what I wish for.

 ** _Eric_**

Sitting at a conference table with Max and James on a video conference call with none other than Jeanine fucking Matthews is _not_ what I want to be doing right now.

I would much rather be back in the small ass hospital bed with Kat in my arms, knowing she is safe and protected than being lectured from this Erudite bitch of all people about not keeping her safe.

"This is unacceptable. I thought it was understood that the two candidates in question were not to be interfered with. Now I am being informed that not only was there an attempt at one of them being kidnapped but when that failed she was apparently almost killed. Right under your noses. Do you not have control of your own faction? Do I need to step in and _assist_ with everything?"

The three of us all tense and bristle at the implications and tones Jeanine is using, even James and that is saying something. He is usually the first one to suck up to her.

"I assure you that will not be necessary." Max starts out but she doesn't even let him finish.

"I would hope so. To get what you want, it would be wise to remember what I need. Do whatever it takes to make sure that neither of my strongest candidates are messed with. Remember I will find out if you try and keep something like this from me again."

She doesn't even wait for Max to respond before the call is disconnected.

Things get tense in that room for the next few minutes. There is a reason Dauntless have the reputation of being hotheads.

Because we can be.

But we all didn't get to be leaders without also being able to hold our shit in when needed. It is a stretch for me right now because this is about Kat.

Listening to that woman refer to her as one of her candidates for her experiments combined with the events of the last week have me feeling like I am going to snap.

I leave the meeting to head to the Pit where Chase messaged me and said they are heading and I am on an edge.

It might explain why I did what I did. It might but it doesn't explain it all, what I did and said comes all back to everything I have questioned about myself and if I am any kind of man for Kat.

Kat hadn't made it there yet but her sister and friends were. I knew she would be going to them so I took up residence nearby. I knew I needed to be even more careful of appearances with Jeanine's words ringing in my mind.

They were whispering and on edge about things.

Understandable.

That didn't help my mood, seeing the apprehension and yes, even fear, in their eyes.

It pissed me off. Disgusted me.

The sneer on my face probably said to the others my disgust was all _at_ _them_ and while that was there, it wasn't the total reason.

This fucking faction was burning down around our ears and I don't know how to stop it. How many death reports and certificates do I see cross my desk? Disappearances, people just fucking cutting out because they can't take the kill or be killed mentality that I know has been invading us.

I did this. Not by myself...but I fucking helped.

All that was simmering beneath my skin when Tris rather loudly stalked up to Four, who was standing nearby apparently waiting for Kat as well, and started throwing out demands.

Again.

But what really set me off was when she also threw out what was circulating around the initiates.

"Are you just going to let this happen? Let them say things like that? We all know who it really was but is anything being done about it?" She didn't even let Four get a word in before she launched into him again. "Once again I am not allowed to see my own sister. I wasn't even told she was attacked until almost three hours after the fact. Now I am hearing that it is being said _she_ was the one to attack Edward. That's such bullshit! This is all such…"

"Initiate." Four barks out to stop her in mid rant. "There is no proof of anyone being involved. As far as why you weren't allowed to see Kat…" He stops and looks at me, a cross between a glare and accusation. "...it _is_ standard procedure that anyone involved in an incident is isolated until there can be some kind of resolution."

"And the resolution is to do _nothing?_ You just had the second ranked initiate stabbed while the top one…"

I snap. I can't hold my tongue anymore and she isn't making things easy for herself either by calling everything into question. There are eyes all over the place that are drawn to her at the moment.

Most of all I am pissed that there isn't a fuckinng thing I can do to the person that hurt Kat. So I lash out at who I can.

"I believe I have cautioned you about your mouth before Stiff. You aren't exactly all that bright are you." I call out a little more loudly than I normally would as I approach them with my normal cold expression. When I get closer I see her seething with righteous anger.

She also doesn't hide the quick look of disgust she casts at me.

"Edward is no longer my second ranked initiate. He is considered disabled and a liability so he is out. Dauntless can't afford to keep weakness around here. Obviously, if he had been stronger then he wouldn't be on the way to his new home among the factionless. Maybe, you should be worrying about yourself. Everyone needs to watch there backs around here."

Even as I get the words out I know I am wrong. I know this entire thing is wrong.

I sauntered away from Tris after giving her a cold look only to see Kat standing not that far off.

She heard every word and from the look in her eyes….I think I might have just lost her as surely as if she really had been taken from me.


	58. Let It All Go

**A/N: Alright loves. I have been going through some major real life crap so my ability to write, edit and do the re-writes on this story have been slowed. I am working on it as best I can but there are things I want to expand on or change and it is taking some time. I promise I am trying to get the updates out as soon as I can.**

 **Hope you enjoy this newest one.**

 **Chapter 58 - Let It All Go**

" _Edward is no longer my second ranked initiate. He is considered disabled and a liability so he is out. Dauntless can't afford to keep weakness around here. Obviously, if he had been stronger then he wouldn't be on the way to his new home among the factionless. Maybe you should be worrying about yourself. Everyone needs to watch their backs around here."_

His words are still reverberating in my head as I whirl around and shove away from Zach who is trying to reach from me.

I was already pissed.

Beyond angry.

I am no good around others in that state. I lash out and try to hurt anyone around me. Especially when it's something I can't do a damn thing about.

I hate not being in control. I hate feeling helpless.

Helpless, in always wondering if today would be the day Marcus would make good on his threats against my family.

Helpless, as the only thing I could do to prevent it was take the punishments he dished out.

Helpless, without a voice in my old faction and now literally having no voice.

Helpless, like I was during the attack last night.

Like the attack in my own home.

Home.

I should have been safer here. I should be getting stronger and able to protect those I care about but I can't and am not!

"Kat!" Eric's voice booms out from down the corridor I raced down.

I pick up the pace. I can't face him right now. I can't be around anyone.

"Initiate you _will_ stop this instant!" He calls out in a barked harsh demand and order.

I recognize the tone and know that this is Leader Eric and not my Eric. Not the Eric I was with this morning.

I don't stop my forward progress completely but I do slow down. I am trying to calm myself enough. Hoping I can maintain at least some kind of appearance of respect considering we are out in public.

The instant I turn, I know stopping was a mistake. The anger and rage, the desperation and pain I am feeling won't be restrained.

The next few minutes feel like hours and are a blur.

I know exactly what I said to him. Knew I was saying it when the words poured out and knew I was hurting him.

I also knew there wasn't anything he could do or say back to me because we were still fairly out in the open.

At first he kept lowly asking me to stop talking, that I was hurting myself. Then he was shouting the order.

When Four appeared finally it was to find me shoved against the wall and Eric's hand around my throat.

I know how it looked to him, the only way he was going to see it. I know how it looked to everyone else as well that shuffled past quickly.

What they didn't see was the pain in his eyes just before he slammed his fists into the wall beside my head and the roar of rage he let loose. The rage he felt at himself but also my words.

Comparing him to the corrupt Marcus Eaton.

Because I had taken it there.

I had let slip a little more about my hate of Marcus but as I compared him and Eric.

I didn't stop even after that. Knowing in the back of my mind that I was going too far.

I taunted him to hurt me. Telling him it wouldn't be the first time a leader had hurt me and gotten away with it.

That was when he had put his hand around my throat. It was firm but not menacing or threatening.

It was Eric trying to wordlessly beg me to stop talking. My throat was swelling and it felt like it was bleeding from the inside. I knew he could see all of that in my eyes. Even with me swinging verbal barbs at him he was still worried about my own pain more.

I ignored the pain but I did stop talking. The look in his eyes finally broke through.

When Four barked out my name and commanded him to let me go, Eric had been softly running his thumb over the bruises.

I wanted to throw myself into his arms and erase the pain what I had said caused. I couldn't and not only because of Four's presence.

I couldn't because there was still the part of me that was so hurt and angry. So disappointed in Eric. So I didn't speak a word as I pulled away from him and went to Four's side.

Even now I was lashing out because I knew what the vision of me moving away from him to go to Four would do to Eric. I knew it would cut him deep.

I did it anyways. I didn't look back either, couldn't bring myself to look back.

"Are you bleeding?" Four had stopped me as he moved us away from Eric quickly. His hand was on my elbow and he was guiding me somewhere that I didn't realize until just before we got to the clinic doors.

I frowned up at him and followed to where his eyes were. My neck.

I reached up and touched the area, my fingers coming away with blood.

But it wasn't my blood and I know he realized it to. It was Eric's.

Four's lips thinned but he didn't say anything about that. He did insist I get checked out even though I tried to let him know I was fine.

It was a lie and he knew. In the end I let myself be looked at. I had aggravated my vocal chords and windpipe. In fact they _were_ bleeding.

After I was given something horrible to drink and a steroid, I was released again but under the strict orders to not talk or they would keep me overnight.

Tris, Lynn and Mar had all shown up at the clinic when I first got there. At first they had tried to question me about what had happened, but after an order from the nurse and Four to stop because I would try and talk, they ended it.

I was still shaken and feeling exhausted from the entire ordeal.

Lynn suggested we go to the Dauntless-born dorms to rest and spend the day. I couldn't resist and we ended up staying there until dinner time.

They distracted me with talk. Lynn provided a few books to read and I could admit I found myself smiling at the blush and expression Tris had as she was reading hers.

The tightening in my chest of anger and pain eased a bit in their company. It didn't make it all go away but I was feeling better.

Eric and Chase were missing from dinner. Zach asked me if I was ok, tapping it out on my arm as I sat beside him.

I could only reply that I hoped I would be.

It was clear that even with what had happened between us earlier, Zach was still on some kind of watch duty over me.

While I was still hurting and angry, it made me feel good too. That maybe I hadn't pushed Eric too far or away. Even with that I couldn't bring myself to go to him.

Instead I let Tris lead me away from the Pit and to the dorms, passing by Eric on the way.

One look, open and pained, before he closed off and looked away from me.

I went to sleep with a heavy heart after convincing Tris she didn't need to sleep with me.

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I am running and lost. Dark winding hallways. Cold and unforgiving.

Part of my mind knows that I should stop. That there is no real danger or threat to me. The other part is still in the middle of the nightmare that had me leaping from my bed and racing away.

Images from my past, images from the dream, images from the attack. It is all combining in my mind and making my heart race.

I realize I am searching for something….anything...to fight back against. To handle in the waking world what I can't wrap my hands around in my mind.

It is a wonder no one is around because I am sure that I would launch myself after them.

I hear the raging waters of the Chasm and I head to that.

I need to calm myself or I am going to hurt someone. Hurt myself even.

I move to a wall and slide down it. I close my eyes and try to use my focus technique. The moment my eyes close I am assaulted again.

It feels like I am being pulled into a waking nightmare and I can't escape. I feel so alone and for the first time I want nothing more than someone to help me.

I don't know how long I am sitting there before I hear a voice calling to me softly. Calling me from the darkness.

I raise my head, eyes filled with tears, to find Zach crouched in front of me. I also see Peter standing behind him, with wide worried eyes.

"Can you hear me now, princess?"

I go to try and reply and he shakes his head in reminder to me that I can't speak. I nod to him and he gives me a sad smile.

"Good. Peter came to get me when he couldn't get you to stop earlier. You also….well do you remember attacking him?"

My eyes widen and I shake my head as I look to Peter. Now I see the split lip and blood on his face. It also looks like scratches on his face and neck.

I knew I felt like I needed to fight something but I didn't know I had.

Zach looks back to Peter and nods to him. "Go ahead and do what I asked and meet us at my apartment. I have her from here."

Peter gives me one more look, worried and tight lipped, before he turns and lopes off.

"Come on, Kat. Let's get you to my apartment and into something decent."

I frown at his words then look down and realize I am in just a tshirt. It was what I had changed into to sleep in.

I flush in embarrassment at the thought of myself running around Dauntless half dressed. Zach puts his arm around my shoulder as he leads me to his apartment.

"This is Dauntless, princess. People have been known to wear and go in a lot less before. Mostly in the Pit and during challenges but it isn't unusual."

I give a silent snort at that and sign out to him.

 _-I am sure none of them are crazed girls that attack anything in sight though._

It is a weak attempt at humor, and despite that I know he is feeling pain about it he gives a strained smile.

"Oh, I wouldn't be to sure about that, princess. I have seen some strange things in my time here."

His tone is expressing complete honesty and there is a look in his eye like he is even now remembering them.

 _-Are you going to share?_

He looks over to me meaningfully as we get to his apartment door and pauses before he lets us in.

"You first."

I swallowed painfully and let out a shaky breath as I nod in agreement.

I know it is time.

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Peter had gone to get me clothes as well as taking care of a few things Zach had asked him to do. I was dressed now and curled up in his bed, per his orders, clutching a cup of warm tea that he made for me.

It was some kind of herbal tea that he said is supposed to help soothe you. Help to sleep.

Zach's apartment is smaller than Eric's. I can see why it is that meals are always made there instead of at Zach's. The kitchen is more of a kitchenette but what is lacking there he makes up for in the wall of windows and the view.

It is one big room, his apartment. The bed is at the back and he found a way to section it off by using tall bookshelves as screens. He has almost as big a collection of books as Eric does but it is also interspersed with works of art or sculptures.

Black and grey are the primary color's in Eric's apartment. Zach said that it came like that and Eric never bothered to change it.

Zach's apartment is surprising in some ways and other's not. Big leather couch and chair facing towards the view but in a supple blue green with pillows that you long to sink into. There are these smaller pillows that have different fabrics but the colors all go together.

It reminds me of one of the offices of an Erudite teacher I had in school, decorated in soothing patterns and colors. She was a pretty nice lady, refined and more accepting of me than others. She would call me to her office at times when I was younger and we talked about books. Some of the language books I got, I got from her.

She stopped teaching when I was fourteen and left the school. I never found out why.

I missed those talks and that office. Both set me at ease.

Peter is on one of those couches now. Zach had seen to his scratches and lip while I was getting dressed. I can hear soft snuffling and snoring so I am assuming he is asleep.

Zach is in a chair beside the bed with his own cup of tea in his hand.

I know he is giving me time to let the medicine he produced from somewhere take effect and help with my pain.

I take a sip of my tea and let it slide down my throat. The warmth is actually soothing and there is a light tingling as well that isn't unpleasant.

With a sigh I set the cup down on the table beside the bed and curl up against his pillows.

 _-What do you want to know?_

He tilts his head for a moment before he shakes it and sighs.

"Whatever you can or want to tell me. You have to start somewhere though so how about you start where you think things began."

I took a moment to think about that. Where things began. I have often wondered and questioned that myself. Especially over the last few years and trying to help Evelyn and Amar.

I would have said before then that it began when the incident where I was shot. Now I am not so sure. Maybe this is good though, me telling Zach.

Maybe he can help me piece things together.

So I tell him this to start. That I had for so long thought it really all began the day I was shot. More specifically the day I went to hunt down Marcus Easton, to try and plead with him.

"How so?

 _-A few ways. One, I made an enemy of Marcus Easton that day when I didn't just fall in line like a good little girl. I was upset and vocal about what a mistake I thought pulling the Dauntless from our and the factionless sector was._

"I can see that wouldn't have gone over well. I know a thing or two about the supposed good leader."

I frowned and asked my own question.

 _-Four?_

Zach shook his head slightly. "There is that, but a few other things too. We can talk about that later….right now it is still your turn."

I filed that away because I would be asking again. If it was something that could be used against the abnegation leader, I wanted to know.

 _-When I went after Marcus and confronted him, I drew the attention of his son. Tobias sought me out after that. He was always lurking nearby but would never approach me. He finally did when I was in the middle of doing something that again wasn't exactly what I should have been doing. He stepped in and helped me to hide when I would have been caught but he also started to lecture to me. We argued but we also became friends that day. He never interacted with the rest of the faction. That was partly his own choice but it was more his dad's orders. We would meet before and after school in different places he liked to go to. I had my suspicions from the beginning but it wasn't until he didn't show up the first time that I found out for sure._

"How did you find out? What happened when you did?" Zach asked with a pinched expression.

 _-You are wondering if I tried to tell someone right away._

He just gave simple nod, expression still the same.

I shook my head and sighed in pain but also frustration.

I hadn't but not because I didn't want to.

 _-No. And that was the first time I was warned by Tobias that doing so would be very bad for me. Then he said that I was already in danger. But he didn't say more about why or what kind of danger. He also said that he would never let anything happen to me._

Zach's expression darkened and I knew he was starting to connect things.

"But he couldn't or didn't keep that promise." It wasn't a question...he just knew.

I stayed quiet for the longest time, looking at my hands and wondering if I could tell Zach this next part.

If I did, how was he going to react? Would he, in anger, go after Four himself? Or would he come to understand as it had taken me years to finally do myself?

"Kat….I can promise to try. I know what you are thinking and wondering. All I can do, princess, is try for you." He takes my hand in his and lifts my chin to look at him.

I read the earnestness of his expression. He would try but that effort might be sorely tested.

With a nod I take a deep breath.

 _-The years passed and we kept our friendship secret, or we thought we had really. He was the only person I had told of my promise and how I felt about the day I was shot. He knew I was going to choose Dauntless and over our friendship, he determined he would too. That he needed to get away and like me he wanted to make our city safer._

I stop and drink some more of my tea, needing the moment to collect myself even if I wasn't speaking out loud.

 _-I don't know if maybe Marcus just knew he was losing his hold of Tobias but the beatings started to get even more severe. Until a few months before his choosing ceremony I witnessed it first hand. Marcus had known or suspected Tobias of going off to meet someone and caught us in our meeting place. He went after Tobias fiercely, right there out in the open even if it was in an abandoned building. Marcus must have realized a little ways in that someone else was there and I had rushed forward to try and stop him. That was my first glimpse of how evil he could be. He threatened me if I told. That didn't work but it made me pause enough that I tried to bargain with him. Promised I wouldn't tell if he just stopped. I could tell the moment he let the words ooze out that they were a lie. He said he was going to take Tobias home to tend to him. I saw the fear in his eyes though as his dad pulled him along. I did the only thing I could think of and I went to my dad. I asked him to trust me and that a friend needed help. He gathered a few other elders and followed me. I couldn't say beforehand who it was because I didn't want Marcus to have warning._

I stopped and wiped the tears that were now coming from my eyes. Zach's own were flaming because he saw where this was headed, or had an idea. He probably thought it all boiled down to the elders not doing anything. He would only be partly right.

"How did they have no clue though, Kat?" He asks a question I am sure was burning for him for a while.

 _-Marcus. Plain and simple Marcus is an expert at spinning things. It is hard for anyone that lived in another faction to understand but that kind of thing would be absolutely unimaginable to the Abnegation. The level of malice and hatred….unless you have experienced it I guess you wouldn't know someone is truly capable of it. We didn't even lock our doors. Ever. So they believed Marcus when he told stories about how badly Tobias' dealt with his mother's death. Tobias himself didn't help things by his own withdrawn personality and habits. Marcus used it to heighten that even more. He's good at that...taking the truth or seeds of it and using it to steer things in whatever direction he needs it. Tobias was depressed, moody, secretive and on occasion at the beginning he had lashed out at another dependent or two in anger. Over the years this was spun by Marcus himself as him being disturbed and even a danger at times to himself._

Zach sighed and ran a hand over his face and nodded. "Ok. With the things I know...yeah I can see that. Go ahead with what happened, Kat."

 _-He was prepared. He had to have known or at least just wanted to ensure he was ready if I did go to anyone. We got to his house and he already had a lie ready and a weapon to help with that lie. Tobias. He had Tobias tell them...tell my father...that we had been meeting in secret for the last year. That I had confessed my feelings to him and Marcus found us together after I had tried to…..get intimate. Tobias said kiss but Marcus hinted at more. I already had strikes against me Zach from all the years I bucked faction dictates. The day I got shot but others beside that. It was easy for them to believe especially when Marcus produced proof. Pictures of us. Innocent ones of Tobias with his arm over my shoulder or us sitting just a little closer then any respectable Abnegation girl would._

Tears were now streaming down my face silently when I remembered the expression on my dad's face. The hurt I felt at how Tobias betrayed me.

"He let you take the fall and then just left." Zach gritted out and I saw his fists clenched.

I sniffed and wiped my nose.

 _-He did but at the time I didn't know what Marcus had said or done to get him to do that. I still don't know for sure why he did it. I haven't ever been able to confront him about it. It hurt but more than that….._

I stopped and looked to Zach my eyes filled with everything I have felt and built up over the last seven years.

 _-I guess someone had to take his place and Marcus made sure that was me._


	59. Way Down We Go

**Chapter 59 - Way Down We Go**

 ** _Eric_**

I have stayed away from Kat since she walked away from me. Walked away and _to_ Four. I don't know if that killed me more or the fact that she didn't once look back at me. I stood in that corridor like a statue, to afraid to even shift slightly because if I did I was going to go do something that would make the situation worse.

Zach found me and convinced me to go to my apartment. Lock myself away until I could get myself together. It's well past fucking midnight and I still haven't been able to.

I am showered, dressed for bed, my apartment is fucking spotless. I have cleaned every fucking gun I have and sharpened endless amounts of knives. I am still nowhere near _together_.

Having Chase around had helped at first. He went with me to help tend to my hands but he also wanted to know what happened.

He knew the same thing that I did. That Kat was angry and had been lashing out. She knew the things to say to hurt me the most and had used it. What killed me and had me here sitting in the dark, was they were all fucking true.

I could hear the truth in every single word.

I am like Marcus...or I was….still am if I am being honest.

I used and still use intimidation and my power to get my way. I followed orders of course but I also ignored the ones I didn't feel suited whatever goal needed to be accomplished.

All the shit she let slip….

Logically I had already assumed it. The scars she has, the tone she uses when she mentions things from her past. I knew Marcus was behind it. I told Chase this as well. What I had come to figure out but both he and Zach had already come to a similar conclusion.

She didn't say it outright but she hinted at it heavily.

I am sitting here in my apartment, a fucking arsenal of weapons spread out in front of me and contemplating ridding the world of that pus pocket in humanity.

Something is stopping me and keeping me on this couch, gun in hand and sitting in the dark.

The disappointment in her eyes as she looked at me….

I have never felt the way that look made me feel. Not even when my dad had given me a look like that while he was still alive. Then again, the worst I had done to get that look from him was make a slightly poor grade or forgot to clean my room.

What I had done, what I have done…..

Just before Four inserted himself into the situation I could see her softening. I might have been able to get her to calm down enough to talk to her. The problem was I wasn't calm enough either. I wasn't anywhere near calm enough or the condition to try and talk to her because there were no excuses I could or would make.

I had done what I had done in the past because I believed it was the only way to make our faction stronger. I still believed much of what we do shapes us to be better soldiers. Now I can see that there are flaws, or a sickness, in some of the things we allow or do.

But how much of that is _really_ because I believe it or just because right now it puts Kat at risk?

I wasn't angry that Edward had been attacked and I couldn't lie to her about that. I was upset that it was unsafe in the dorms but if I were being honest that was because Kat had to be there. Yes, I did have some concern about the other initiates but not near what I knew Kat thought I should have.

I couldn't go to dinner and sit across the table from her or beside her and not try and talk with her. I couldn't go and be near her to see her in such pain and not be able to do a damn thing about it because I am the one causing her pain.

It had taken everything in me to keep away from her as she left dinner and passed through the Pit. Walking by me and looking at me with those wide green eyes filled with confusion and hurt.

I stayed away then but I can't anymore.

It takes a little bit to put away all the weapons I had surrounding me. Put the apartment back into order and then get myself into some regular clothes. I don't plan on taking her from the dorm or waking her. I just want to make sure she is ok.

The Pit is quiet by the time I am making my way towards it. I take those hallways and corridors that avoid the more populated areas. The dorm is quiet when I slip down the stairs. Kat's bed is towards the back left against the wall closer to the bathroom. Her sister's is just before hers with the Erudite girl Sally on the other side of Kat.

I can instantly tell that the beds around Kat's have someone in them but not hers. My eyes scan the room and sure the fuck enough, Peter's is empty. Everyone else seems to be accounted for. Mayra and Edward haven't left the compound yet but are still in the clinic until tomorrow when all the people that will be leaving are escorted out.

My mind is racing as I whirl away and clatter up the stairs, not even fucking caring about the noise I made.

Beds were made. So they didn't leave in a rush and if there was an attack then someone would have been up or there would have been signs of it.

They left on their own. Where would she go? Where the fuck would she go with Peter goddamn Hayes?

I pull out my phone as I head towards control and shoot a message off to Zach and Chase. I know they are both at their own places and probably passed out by now but I know they would want to know.

I am just getting to control when I get messaged back.

 _Kat is here and safe. - Zach_

What the hell? Why is she there?

 _What happened? Never mind I am coming there now to take her to my apartment. - Eric_

I hit send as I am turning to head to Zach's place. He doesn't respond which is fine with me. Except for when I get to the corridor I know why he didn't respond when I see Chase leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.

"If you think you are fucking…"

"I don't think. I _know_ you aren't going anywhere near her tonight. She is safe and where she needs to be." Chase says in his own deadly calm tone.

It just serves to anger me even more. They are keeping me away from her and saying she doesn't need to be with me.

Not acceptable.

I start forward. He steps in my path and gives me a look. "Eric, think about this. I can tell you are still upset and hurting from earlier. Kat isn't any calmer either. In fact...Zach said she had some kind of nightmare and it sent her running through Dauntless. Fuck, she even attacked Peter from what I could make out from the control report. You going in there right now isn't going to be good for either of you."

"So what...you and Zach know suddenly what is better for her? She needs you two more than me?"

"Goddammit Eric. It isn't like that and you know it. I haven't even seen or talked to her. I'm not going to either. She does better with Zach when she is like this so that is who she is going to be with. Who she needs to be with right now. So no matter that it is destroying me to not go in there myself, I am out here trying to talk some sense into your ass and going to play babysitter all night." He finishes this by moving us away from Zach's door more since both of our voices are raised.

A scowl is etched into my face but inside I am being shredded apart.

"Did...did she ask about me or for me at all, Chase?"

He looks down and shakes his head. "I haven't talked to her, Eric." Then he sighs and looks back at me. "But Zach wouldn't keep you away if she had."

Pain. Fucking torrential downpour of pain at this. At the thought that I have lost her completely.

Chase puts a hand on my shoulder and then guides me towards my own apartment. "She just needs time, brother. A whole lotta fucked up has happened to her recently and she just needs to be able to...process it. Find a way through it. As much as you might want to muscle your way through it, fight whatever shit is going on in her mind for her, you can't. We can't."

"I can at least be there to fucking talk to her, Chase." I grit out as I slam into my apartment. I had walked in silence running that all through my mind.

Chase plops onto the couch, kicks off his shoes and drops his head on the pillows tiredly. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah but if she did Eric, in the state you are now, could you guarantee how you would react? Cause I can tell you I sure as hell wouldn't be able to if I were in your shoes. Zach loves her like his sister but he is also the more level headed of us right now. She needs that." He finishes with a shrug.

He's right and I know it even if I fucking hate it.

I am still standing in the middle of my living room wondering what the hell I need to do. I realize I can't do anything. Not a damn thing.

I need to give her space and hope that she allows me to try and talk to her later. First I need to figure out my own shit.

"You really planning on staying here the rest of the night?" I ask with a scowl as I move over to grab a pillow and blanket for him. I already know his answer.

"You already know the answer to that, bro." He snorts in reply.

I sigh and grab what he will need then my own shit to sleep on the other couch. There is no way I am getting to sleep in that bed and maybe not at all tonight.

He raises an eyebrow at me when I am getting settled in but doesn't say anything else as I turn on some mindless old kung fu show.

"Is it my fault about Edward?"

There is quiet for long minutes before he replies.

"No, not just yours. It is all of our faults. I was thinking about something today, something Kat and oddly enough Edward had debated one day during lunch that first week here. They were talking about battle tactics and someone brought up the best way to take down an enemy without ever firing a bullet or getting blood on your own hands." He stopped and raised his head to look at me.

I had a feeling I wasn't going to like whatever it was he said next.

"Wanna know what Kat proposed?"

"I'm not sure I really do." I mutter honestly. "Go ahead anyways."

"'Simple', she said. 'To take out an enemy without ever spilling blood or firing a bullet. Hell, using any kind of weapon at all. Kill them from within. Let them do all the work for you and then you can do whatever you like. You could even walk in and act like a savior to them and they would do anything you asked of them.'" He paused and shook his head after he finished quoting her. "Eric…..Kat knows a hell of a lot more or has better insight into things than we do. Maybe because we are too close to things. She has had a single minded determination for longer than I think she even knows to make the city better for those she loves but also this faction."

"The question is, is it Erudite that would be behind this all? Abnegation? Who is the real enemy anymore for fucks sake?"

He let's out a tired breath. "Right now, we are our own worst enemy. We need to fix us first...make us stronger. Then we can deal with the others."

It goes quiet again and I hear his breathing after a time, letting me know he has passed out. I had a lot to think about and I needed to get myself sorted before I could confront Kat again. I close my eyes and she appears for me.

From the moment she landed into my life, all I have to do is shut my eyes and she is there. Usually it is her smiling back at me. Tonight it is her eyes shining with tears and pain. Radiating the disappointment in them that burned through the darkness in a different way.

Calling me to look at myself in the cold light of day. To see what I am and who I used to be. I haven't thought of my parents in a very long time. I haven't allowed the memories to play in so long I am almost afraid they aren't there for me anymore.

I am wrong because all I have to do is allow myself to do it and they are there. You would think with how I am that my parents were cold or cruel but nothing could be further from the truth.

They loved me and showed it. Not always with a hug or kiss or even the words. In little ways and smiles they showed me everyday.

Mom was in her early forties when she had me. My older brother was fifteen the year I was born. I was a surprise and as my parents often said, a blessing. They hadn't thought they would be able to have another child but they never gave up hope. In fact my mother had gone through treatments to try and have me. She was told her chances were slim.

From the start I was set apart from the norms in Erudite. It wasn't the fact that my parents had to have help in conceiving because there were plenty of couples or women that chose to have someone else carry the child for them or use insemination as the reproduction method.

Their age, having already had a child leave the home before the second was born, and their lack of social aspirations all worked against them and later in life...me. While they were alive this hadn't bothered me so much.

I didn't care to interact with the others of my faction all that much. I preferred being a homebody. Sitting in the study with my parents while we each did our own activities. As I got older, if I needed physical activity I participated in the sports offered through our faction or went to the gym. Other wise I went to school and went home.

My parents were attentive and engaged. Dad encouraged me when I expressed my urges to be active. Mom tried to help me get over my shy and introverted nature. When I got into my teenage years we all had a clue I wouldn't be staying in Erudite.

There were just too many signs of my Dauntless aptitude. I still liked learning and reading but they started to encourage me to embrace the part of me I felt I belonged. My brother had hated that and was often arguing with them about it.

He had been and still is so disdainful of Dauntless and what the faction stands for. My parents had always assured me they would be proud of me if that was where I felt I truly belonged. Even said they looked forward to visiting me when the time came.

I can remember my dad even hunting up the Dauntless faction book and reading over the manifestos with me proudly. Pointing out the importance of it for our city.

Thinking on that now and his eyes as he smiled over at me and we held the book between us sends even more pain through me.

How far down I have gone from that teenager who sat in the study with his father. Suddenly the rage I felt at them being taken from me, the fire I had to make sure someone paid but also that never happened again...is rekindled.

This time though I am the hand guides the rage and fire, not Jeanine or my brother.

Sleep claims me and once again Kat's eyes burn in my mind. They are charged with a fire that seems to match my own now and a smile tilts her lips. My lips lift in my half-sleep as I see my mother and father clearly for the first time in years, right beside her.

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 ** _Kat_**

Hushed voices wake me instead of my normal alarm. My head hurts as well as my body. I feel almost like I have a small hangover but I know I haven't been drinking. That would actually be a better reason.

I wonder if heartache can cause a person to have the symptoms of a hangover?

I hear shuffling and then the front door open and closing. Zach comes into view, peeking around the corner of the wall of bookshelves. He sees me awake and just sitting up in bed and smiles at me.

"Morning, princess. How are you feeling?"

I had cried hard and long as I told Zach more about my past. He had me to stop several times and sat on his bed with me wrapped in his arms. He could only take it in stretches and I hadn't even gotten to some of the worst parts yet.

He knew this and promised me it would hurt him more for me to not tell him or feel like I could confide in him.

It had been hard on me to talk about it because I was having to acknowledge it all happened and to me. I realized I had almost been locking it away and seeing it as if those things happened to some other girl.

I had never allowed myself to cry about it because there had been no time or safe place. There in Zach's arms, knowing he wasn't judging me for my tears or seeing them as weakness. I was able to finally grieve for myself and all that I had lost over the years.

I did feel lighter because of this.

I smile at him a little and for a moment I am going to respond verbally.

With a sigh I blow the hair out of my eyes and groan in frustration.

- _Better. I probably look like shit though._

He gives a small chuckle and shakes his head. "I am probably biased but in my opinion you always look beautiful. You look like you are feeling better in what to me is probably the most important way. Am I right?"

I know he means that I am feeling better to have gotten shit off my chest and while that is true I don't think he knows how much just having him means to me.

 _-You are right. I do feel better. I also don't feel as alone as I have for years Zach and I need you to know you are a big reason for that. I know I have Eric and Chase as well but I feel close to you in a way that is so very important to me. I consider you my brother Zach._

His face lights up as he slips onto the bed and wraps me in his arms, squeezing me and making me laugh as he does a sit down bear hug.

"Same goes for me, Kat. In all seriousness you are a sister to me too."

I return the hug and peck his cheek. He pulls away and looks at me seriously. "You have a choice and it is all up to you. I can take you back to the dorm and you can do breakfast with your sister and friends or I can get something and bring it here."

For a moment I wonder why we aren't just going to do the normal thing and go to Eric's but then the memory of what I said to him comes back and my stomach falls. Zach didn't even mention Eric. Hasn't even said anything about him and has been avoiding talking about him altogether.

Maybe because Eric himself doesn't want to see me or talk to me. Maybe I did drive him away.

Tears burn behind my eyes as I look down at my hands. I can't make Zach choose and make things tense or awkward for him because of Eric. I will just have to accept that if I did drive Eric away that I will need to distance myself from Chase and Zach too, even though I am sure they would say it wasn't needed.

 _-I should go be with my sister. She was really shaken up about what happened with Edward but also because of what happened to me. She will worry._

I don't look at Zach as I sign this out. I am sure he knows and detects the change of mood and my demeanor. He doesn't comment on it though.

"Ok. If you want to use my shower before you go, I have some stuff in there you can use. Peter grabbed the clothes you had laid out before you went to sleep so you have those too. I am going to make some more tea and put that serum for your throat in it. Call me if you need me." He says after giving me a kiss to the top of my head.

I make the bed out of habit before I shuffle to the bathroom. I can hear him and Peter talking and my attention is caught by the tone of conversation. Peter is laughing and sounds….relaxed. There is something else in his tone that I file away as I turn on the shower.

I tuned out after it felt like I was invading their privacy. As promised, there was tea waiting for me after I was showered and dressed. While I was in the bathroom I swore I heard Eric's voice rumbling from somewhere in the apartment.

If he was here at some point he had already gone by the time I emerged. There was a pile of pills beside my tea.

"Kat, I wanted to tell you that the initiates who are leaving are being escorted from the building now. A patrol group will take them as far as we are allowed to towards the factionless sector." Zach informed me as I was finishing my tea and taking my cup to clean.

My shoulders slump and I sigh out in sadness. I knew it was coming even if I don't like it. I know that Amar and Evan will approach Edward and Mayra when they get clear of the Dauntless sector. I hope it will be before the others can get to them.

It is on the tip of my tongue to sign ask who else is gone but I stop. I will find out when I go to the dorms and a big part of me is hoping Al is among them.

Nodding I clean and put my cup up before facing Zach. He gives me a small smile and sighs. "One other thing. I have to take you to the clinic before breakfast so they can take a look. If everything looks good then you will be allowed to talk again."

 _Thank fuck!_

Peter laughs which is joined by Zach and I quirk an eyebrow.

"You didn't even have to say a word or do that weird hand shit for me to know what you were just thinking, stiff. It was written all over your face." He says with a smirk at me.

I flip him off but am laughing too. I realize that if there were religious orders still around and vows of silence I would fail miserably.

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Tris had already been wide awake and pacing by the time we made it to the dorm. She took a breath like she was about to launch into a lecture and I held up a hand and smiled at her.

"I had to go to the clinic. As you can tell I am fine and have been cleared to speak again. Although I was advised to not try to start a singing career or launch into long speeches." My voice is still strained and sounds much raspier and huskier than normal.

She lets out a relieved huff of breath before she pulls me into a hug. "I didn't know what to think. I woke up and you and Peter were gone. But so was Sally. Edward and Mayra were already gone but there stuff is all gone now too. I was afraid that even with your ranking you might have been cut because of your injury."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't think about it seeming like that." I answer honestly.

Tris nods and looks to Peter who is waiting by the dorm door. "Have you had breakfast?"

I shake my head. "No I came straight back here after the clinic. Let's go get breakfast. I am sure the others are there by now too."

The dorm is empty but for the three of us. I wanted to ask about Al but if I did I would be expressing my displeasure he wasn't among the ones to go. In my opinion it should have been him instead of Sally. At least she had tried during fights.

In the end we lost Edward, Mayra, and Sally from the transfers and a Dauntless born named Samy.

The mood was very somber and not just among the initiates. Those that were up and in the dining hall seemed to be showing a bit of respect for the loss of those people. Maybe they really do care or maybe they don't but it makes me feel a little better this morning.

Yesterday and last night all I could see was a faction of heartless men and women. All I could feel was threats everywhere I turned. I know that those aspects are still there. The threats are real and somewhere, possibly among the initiates, is my attacker and Edward's. Right now and in this moment I don't feel as much like an entire faction is out to get me and those I care about.

Uri leans closer to me as he sits beside me and gets close to my ear.

"That thing we talked about doing during initiation. It's today. After breakfast grab your sister, your jackets and meet us by the fountain." He says lowly and I hear the excitement in his voice.

My smile matches his and I nod. Lynn and Mar are grinning widely too.

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"Where are we going again, stiff?" Peter hissed lowly to me as he walked beside me and my sister.

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Shut it, Peter. Just keep quiet and all will be revealed."

I grin wickedly and both my sister and Peter look at me with narrowed eyes. "I am kind of with Peter on this, sis. Especially after that grin."

Uri is standing, bouncing on the balls of his feet, waiting for us just before we get to the fountain. "You made it. Wait. Why is he here?" Uri scowls at Peter who just rolls his eyes.

"Boyfriend, remember. Apparently where she goes I am supposed to go." Peter replied for me and the tone is loaded, at least to me.

No wonder Peter seemed extra glued to me from the moment we left the clinic. Zach probably knew what was planned for today and my friends would invite me.

Uri ponders this for a minute before he shrugs. "Ok then. Come on the others will be waiting."

Peter and Tris don't argue or comment. Until we get to the door and follow Uri out of it to the train tracks.

"Wait. We can't leave…"

"Unless a member accompanies you." Zeke says as he comes up and throws an arm over Tris' and my shoulders. "Don't worry Trissy we got you covered."

I smile widely as Zeke moves off and we join the rest of our friends and group. The train comes pretty quickly and we all take off to board it.

I take up a place beside Lynn as we all talk about what we are in for. Not everyone knows about it being zip-lining and Uri, Lynn, Mar and I share wide smiles but don't say anything.

"So it is some kind of tradition. Why don't transfers normally get to go?" Tris asked with a frown.

"Because it started as family members taking out their relative but it changed into a Dauntless member being in charge of organizing it. I guess because it is viewed that transfers aren't family yet. Maybe also because transfers don't try and get to know Dauntless born until after initiation. It isn't unheard of for transfers to be asked along though. It is usually the ones that have made some kind of effort to get to know or interact with the Dauntless born." Zeke says with a shrug.

"What is it that we are doing?" Peter asks with a huff. "No one has actually said what it is yet."

"And no one will until we get there." Zeke says in a deadpan tone.

Uri and Zeke have not accepted this whole, Peter is my boyfriend thing, very well. I honestly almost wonder if they would be more accepting of Eric or not.

The thought of Eric sends pain through me. Especially considering what I am about to do.

I ride along in silence while those around us talk. I am still trying to rest my voice and use that as an excuse for my brooding silence.

There is a ripple of talk as someone is walking down the way. A lady I vaguely recall being introduced to when I was drunk comes up to Zeke.

"Change of plans. We aren't getting off just up ahead. There will be someone waiting for us at the new location." Her eyes are gleaming with excitement.

Zeke frowns as he looks at her but shrugs. "Ok. Just give the signal when."

She smirks and winks to us. "Oh believe me you will know when it is time."

She moves off to spread the message but as she does an inkling of an idea goes through me. Eric had said they don't usually use the Space Needle for this but they did for me. I could also tell he say my guilt for me being able to go up there.

Even with everything that happened, could he have arranged for this?

I get my answer when we get the order to jump and I see the familiar path towards the tall building. Chase waiting by the elevators is just another confirmation.

The excitement levels and energy among the group was like boiling water and everyone was impatient for their turn to go up the elevator. I hung back and rode up last along with Chase.

"Did he…" I whisper close to him as we stood beside each other in the elevator with my group that had waited with me.

Chase looks down at me and smiles then nods. "He did."

I let out a shaky relieved breath but look at him. "He still...you know…"

At first when Chase lets out a sigh while looking down and shaking his head I think that means Eric doesn't want to still be with me. Then he looks up and his eyes are full of what I can only guess is frustration or exasperation.

"Do you really think you would get rid of him _that_ easily, Kat?" He asks as he leans closer to my ear.

He pulls back and shrugs with a smile that I return. I have to turn my attention back to my friends but more importantly my sister. With the weight of dread being lifted I want to enjoy this moment with them.

We go straight to the floor that we launch from. The wind is even more fierce today and I am glad for the jacket. I am glad I made sure to put my hair up tightly as well.

Tris looks out at the view and I can see the breath being stolen from her for a moment before she lets out a huff and chuckle.

"This is...amazing." She finally gets out on a laugh.

"It is. Breathtaking and scary...but in a good way." I supply also with a wide smile.

"Definitely a good way on the view. What we are going to do from here...I will reserve my opinion on that until I see it."

"Well you never will until you move your ass to find out." Lynn grumbles out and playfully pushes us forward.

Peter is standing shell shocked as he moves along behind us. I can faintly here him muttering behind me. Once I swear I catch him muttering that maybe being gutted would have been more merciful. I have no clue what he is talking about but I am guessing from his white skin and thinned lips he is not caring for the activity he is about to take part in.

Everyone is lining up to get their turn. I don't know how we do it; but Lynn, Tris and I all end up towards the front. There are two people making sure everyone is secured and Chase is one of them. I feel good about that and smile at him as we step up closer.

Lynn goes first and I can see the impatience on her face as the Dauntless is telling her what to do.

"Alright already. Let's do this." She growls out loudly causing everyone to laugh.

When she is pushed off I see Tris' eyes widen but she doesn't look like she is going to back down.

"You next Tris!" I say with a smile and push her to be the next person.

"Are you sure?" She asks and I can tell her old habits of selflessness are kicking in.

"Absolutely. Age before beauty." I joke causing her to scowl at me and slap my shoulder before she went over to the sling in playful huff.

I watch closely and worriedly as she is strapped in. Chase catches my look and winks at me as he does a double check for me. Tightening a few straps and I am sure she is feeling as restricted as I did when Eric did mine. But it makes me feel better when I remember the drops she will go through.

Before I am ready for it she is calling she is ready and then is shoved off and is a blur on the midday sky.

"You're up." Chase said with a smile and held out his hand to help me up.

Just before he sends me over and as he is tightening my straps he leans in to whisper to me. "He is watching. Just so you know...so he is still here."

Then I am launched forward. This time my arms go out automatically and I lose myself in the flight. That is what this second time is like to me. I am flying and am releasing all those fears holding me back, holding me down.

I know that once my feet hit solid ground they will be back again. But I won't let them keep me from making my promise a reality. From making this, my home, safe for us all.


	60. Into The Looking Glass

**Chapter 60 - Into The Looking Glass**

 _Kat_

"I still can't believe you did that." Christina says in disbelief to my sister over the breakfast table and is eyeing the both of us.

"Weren't you the one saying I should cut or dye it?" Tris said with a smirk and raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, but...I guess I just didn't think you were going to do it." Christina mutters in reply.

I want to say something snarky in reply to that but I was honestly a bit stunned myself at the changes Tris herself suggested last night.

We were fresh from the adrenaline high of the zip-lining adventure when Tris dragged Mar, Lynn and I along to the hair salon. I knew she had been toying with getting her haircut for a while. She had even mentioned it when the three of us were hanging out in the Dauntless born dorm. Mar and her had looked over this book of haircuts and styles she had but Tris hadn't said she was for sure about it.

Not until we were all on the train and Lynn suggested a tattoo or piercing to mark the occasion. Tris had agreed with the rest of us but she had also got a look in her eye. I could tell she was feeling the same thing I had when I had dropped from the zip-line to find a crowd of people waiting instead of the bag. I dropped right into their linked arms laughing and cheering along with them.

It felt like being embraced as one by our new faction. Accepted. Like we were being welcomed home.

She had leaned closer to me and smiled as she whispered. "I feel like I do belong but now I want to look like I feel. Thank you for today."

I had beamed at her but I also didn't want her to change just to show everyone else what I already knew about her. I told her as much but she insisted that had been why she hadn't gotten her haircut yet to begin with. She didn't want to do it when she still felt so unsure about herself.

Now she knew and she wanted that to show.

Her haircut was a big change while mine was more sedate. I did get a few piercings more and more daring than she did.

For haircuts Tris went with this sleek bob cut that goes to just past her jawline. It is all one length so she can pin it back or slick it back with styling cream. She didn't opt for a color change and I had threatened her if she did.

She had looked a little stunned at my insistence and admission that I had always been envious of her hair color and just hair in general.

She had returned the sentiment and when I said I just wanted a few inches trimmed off she had clapped happily. She said she could never imagine me with shorter hair and had always loved the fact that some of my hair curled while some of it laid straight. She said that it matched my personality part wild and part calm.

For piercings Tris went with simple ear piercings. I got those too but also got a nose ring, a small hooped one and my tongue pierced on a dare from Lynn.

I hadn't seen Eric when we got back to the compound and he wasn't at dinner or the Pit either. Then again all of the trainers were absent so it might have been he was busy and not avoiding me.

During my 'flight' I had been able to let go of the hurt and anger to look at things objectively. I still wasn't happy with things in Dauntless or how Eric seemed to be handling things at all. But my reaction wasn't fair to him and I didn't give him a chance to talk. I knew going into things who Eric is and what he has done in the past. I realize that my hurt isn't all at him but at the situation we are in, the way things are but shouldn't be.

I decide that if he hasn't sought me out by dinner tomorrow I will and we either resolve things...or end them. Zach said that the next few weeks coming up were going to be some of the hardest we would face and I believe him.

I need Eric and just hope….

I sigh into my cup of coffee and shake my head from the direction my thoughts are going. I won't think it is over or could be. I won't _let_ it be. Eric won't be getting rid of me that easily either.

Four is standing with the other trainers on a second level in the dining hall that overlooks the main floor. It was the same place Max had stood with the other leaders to welcome us all on choosing day.

Now I can see Max talking to Eric, Four, Chase and Lauren earnestly before all but Four turns to leave. Before they do Eric looks to me and catches my eye. His lips lift slightly when he takes in my appearance. It is the first he has seen me that I know of.

"Initiates. We start the second stage of training today. Finish up and meet me in the Pit in five minutes." Four calls out in announcement from his place still on the second level.

He gives one of his customary stern once over looks to all of us before he goes off too.

Uri grumbles as he shovels food in his mouth. Mar and Lynn both look strained because we all know a general idea of what is going to happen.

I know more about what will happen because it was one of the things Zach explained to me. He cautioned me to go into the fear and try to either handle it like a Dauntless would or to try and control my breathing and heart rate to make the simulation end. Anything else would be an indication of being divergent.

My hands start to shake with nerves but I work to keep my face straight and free from what I am feeling.

All the initiates are making their way to the Pit have varying expressions of concern or being anxious. When we are all gathered together, Four leads us to another area I had yet to see or explore. It is up a few flights of stairs and is in a part of the complex that looks like the inside of a hospital, with its white sterile walls and floors. There are chairs lining either side of the hallway and at the end of it are two doors.

Chase, Eric and Lauren were all waiting for us and Four walked up to join them.

"Alright initiates," Eric's drawled out in greeting. "If you are standing here that means you have made it to the second stage. Congratulations." His eyes move us and I see something shift in them when they get to me. He pauses and frowns slightly before he starts once again.

"Obviously you are all aware that one of the people that is no longer here is due to an attack that occurred. I want to tell everyone here and now that I have _not_ forgotten that fact nor _will_ I. _We_ will be continuing to investigate and _when_ we find out who the attackers were, I promise you that what was done those, persons responsible will beg for that instead. If anyone should even think about doing something like that in the future, keep that in mind. Acts of cowardice _will_ be punished. Severely."

There was shifting and gulping from the initiates around us at the menace and truth in his tone and eyes. I also got the impression from the confused and surprised look in Four's expression that this wasn't planned or expected.

I shifted and swallowed for another reason. I knew that I was at least some small part for this announcement. I didn't know how to feel about that, me being the reason for him changing.

Chase cleared his throats and carried on. "The next stage is to test you mentally. You will report to this area three days a week for this aspect of it. Due to the nature the activity once you have taken your turn you have the day to do whatever you would like. The rest of the days will be spent keeping up your physical aspects and working with the approved weapons. You will not be fighting but sparring is allowed and we will still be watching and taking note of how everyone is doing there."

Chase looked to Four and nodded for him to take over. "You will each be called into a room. Some of you will be going with Chase and Lauren; the rest will be with Eric and myself. Until you are called you will wait here."

The others had already turned to go to the rooms they would be in while Four finished with the instructions. Without another word he disappeared into the room Eric had just gone into. The door clicked shut and I heard collective breaths being let out.

"Well that was...interesting." Lynn muttered from beside me as I took a seat.

"What do you mean?" I asked lowly but she just gave me a raised eyebrow in answer.

Letting me know exactly what she was referring to. I could only nod in answer back. "Yeah it was unexpected."

"Was it though?"

Before I could answer the doors opened back up. Four stood at his and Chase the other.

"Peter." Chase called out.

"Kat." Four said with a look to me.

I got a squeezed hand from my sister and Mar but a thumbs up from Uri. Lynn just gave me her smile, the one that said ' _don't fuck it up_ '. I rose to walk over to Four and knew the others were craning their necks to try and see it into the room.

Four shut the door firmly behind him and almost ran into my back when I came to an abrupt stop at what I saw sitting in the center of the room. The setup was almost exactly like the one from my aptitude test.

My anxiety levels shot up immensely. Even with Zach having prepared me somewhat the night before, I still am not ready to do this. I have no choice though. A look from Eric tells me that. I can also see a message to remember. After a grunted gruff command for me to sit from Eric, Four takes over the explanation of what everything does.

"Wait. That means...I mean...you are both going to be able to _see_ what is in my mind?" I know I just turned ten shades whiter at the thought of some of the things they might see. Might be subjected to and for similar and different reasons I don't want either of these men to witness what might lurk in my mind.

"Is that a problem?" Eric's voice is ice as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"Yes." I blurt out loud when I really meant to just answer that in my mind. I get hard and hurt looks from both of them. I swallow and let out a breath then shake my head. "I mean...no. There really is no other choice anyways." I mutter the last bit finally.

"No." Echoes through the room in stereo as they both answered.

I grumble as I slide into the chair and then close my eyes. I want to try and calm myself before I go into it. Maybe that might help. My heart is already racing and my hands feel clammy. Things are being attached to my head and then I feel a hand on my chin, making me turn to the side.

I open my eyes to see Eric there with an injection gun poised, ready to go. His eyes hold mine when the swift click and sharp pinch happens. "It will take sixty seconds for it to take effect."

I give a nod but already am feeling something happening. My eyes drift closed and I hear a whispered. "Be brave." From somewhere far away.

I pick myself up the floor of what looks to be an abandoned building. Disorientated for a moment because I was just in a room, all white and at Dauntless. Now I am….

I know this place.

This is where Tobias and I used to meet before everything went to hell. I walk forward and crouch near the hiding spot we had to pass notes between each other. I pull on the loose stones and find the prized knives we kept there to practice with. The one thing we could get ahold of and train with. There weren't the sharpest or best made but they always served us well.

I grin at the rough etching of our initials on the handles. T.E on Tobias' and K.P for mine. I am still smiling when I turn and move the area we had to set up to throw the knives when in the shadows I make out a shape.

The shape of a person or thing. It is off and slightly misshapen.

A shiver of fear runs through me from the presence alone. Then the shape steps forward and my whole body vibrates with fear.

An evil laugh comes from it's grotesque mouth.

"We all float down here." An oily raspy voice cackles out.

"Oh fuck!" I scream and launch myself at _it_.

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 _Third Person_

The two men are quiet as they watch the start of the initiates fear start. One tenses when he sees where the fear has landed her and wonders if his father is going to make an appearance.

Four smiles a little when he sees the first thing Kat went for and the smile on her lips. There were still good memories for her at least and that gave him hope for their friendship.

Eric scowled at what he was seeing, not getting what the fear was exactly.

They both watched first in amusement as the fear finally revealed itself.

"Is that…" Four asked with squinted eyes.

"A clown. Yeah." Eric replied with a smirk as he was shaking his head and gave a slight chuckle.

All that died down when they saw Kat's reaction and realized this wasn't just a normal fear. This was a full blown phobia.

They watched for ten minutes as she fought against the clowns that kept coming at her the harder she fought. Until finally she paused, winded after retreating to gather herself for another attack. She must have unknowingly also slowed her heart rate and breathing as well to try and focus.

The result was the sim ending but Kat was still in battle mode.

"Oh shit." Eric got out just as Kat came out fighting.

The other initiates sat nervously waiting for their turn. Wondering what was going on in the rooms. No sounds had been heard from behind either door. That was until unknown minutes later there were loud crashing sounds and a roar followed by shouts coming from the room that Kat had disappeared in.

Everyone went alert and several worried. Four of them exchanged looks wondering if they should go find out when the crashes were still occurring followed by a male roared command that no one could clearly make out.

Then it went silent as the other door was thrown open and Chase rushed out and threw open the door to Kat's room. Standing in the frame was Eric with Kat slung over his shoulder and dangling limply.

"What the fuck?" Chase grunted.

"Help Four out. I am taking the initiate to be seen to."

"I'm fine." Four grumbled and pushed away clutching his jaw and what looked like a cut to his arm. "Why don't you take your fucking knives off you next time..will you."

Eyes followed Eric's retreating form to see the head of Kat weakly lift up. "Did I kill 'em?" She could be heard muttering as they disappeared from view.

"Tris, you're next." Four grumbled.

Trying not to shake, Tris rose up and went towards the room. She looked back over her shoulder to see matching wide eyes of all the others wondering what the hell they were about to be put through.

The door closed and Tris saw the chair in the center. She knew then it would be nothing good.

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 _Kat_

I wake wincing with a groan. Something that was pressed against my head flops away and I blink my eyes open.

"You're not going to go after me again are you?" Is drawled from somewhere near my legs as I realize I am laying down.

By the texture of the blanket under me, I am on a bed in the dorm.

Raising up I scowl down at who I recognize the voice belongs to.

"Not unless you just really want me to. What happened this time?" I was getting really tired of coming to like this.

Peter was biting his lip to contain some kind of amusement and looked around the empty dorm. "From what Zach said you had to be knocked out. You apparently came out of your fear swinging and did some damage. Thank fuck not to me this time."

It starts to come back to me and I bury my head in my hands, wincing at the lump I can now feel at the back of my head. Peter picks up what was on my head that fell off and holds it out to me.

And ice pack.

With a grumble I clap it to the back of my head and flop back onto the bed.

"Fucking perfect." I grumble. "Now I have to worry about trying to kill people as well as dealing with my fear."

Peter gives a chuckle and looks like he is about to say something but stops at my glare. He sighs and shakes his head before he gets up and goes to his own bed. I close my eyes and review my fear in my mind as well as the mess that happened afterwards.

I am still cringing inwardly and trying not to let myself panic as I let images from my fear playback when my sister makes her way into the room. She is quiet and shaken but I can tell she is pushing that aside as she questions me about my fear.

"Can we not talk about them right now? You know the others are going to grill us...or me..after the crap that happened. I would rather just….deal with it all at once I guess."

She pats my hand but holds my eyes for a while. "Are you ok now?"

I sigh and shrug. "I think so."

She bites her lip and nods before moving off to her bed beside me. Other transfers slowly start to make their way in. I am not the only one that had to be carried in so I am thankful for that.

When Lynn shows up in our dorm, it is to drag me and Tris away to get lunch. I have never felt less like eating but I grudgingly go along. There are a few whispers as I get into the dining hall, making face go red.

"Does all of Dauntless know?" I hiss to Lynn when we take a seat.

She chuckles and gives me a sympathetic look with a shrug. "You got the upperhand on Four, or at least per the rumor mill. So yeah, all of Dauntless knows."

"What was up with that anyways?" Christina asks from beside Tris.

All of the initiates are sitting together for lunch today. I guess by some unspoken pact of shared misery.

I don't feel like sharing my fear and what it is, like everyone else has been mainly doing. I think even talking about it would be bad for me and maybe those around me. I look around at all the expectant faces and share at least something.

"You know that little voice inside you that tells you, maybe I should run from this? Or..I don't know the part that makes you freeze when you are unsure of something. I am apparently missing that. I fight and I guess I came out fighting still." I shrug.

Lynn nods, frowning in thought. "I thought I was still drowning when I came out. It took a few minutes for me to feel like I could breathe again and realized that Chase and Lauren were telling me it was over."

There are more nods as if everyone had something similar happen.

"Four said, when I came out of mine, that it gets better. The first one is always the hardest." Tris said quietly, looking at her plate.

I let out a ragged sigh. "Fuck I hope so."


	61. There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back

****Sorry It has taken me so long to post. Have had some major shake-ups in my home life and it has put me out of sorts and trying to get myself sorted. It might be slow rolling out the chapters I have ready but I promise I am working on them. Newly single momma though so it is taking some adjusting here. Anyways! Thanks everyone for the love and hope you enjoy!*****

 **Shout out to DYK! Thanks for all the support during the crap hole my life was sinking in. I really appreciate it and don't know what I would have done without you.**

 **For everyone that reviewed...I am so sorry I haven't been able to respond. I promise I will try to get to those. You haven't been forgotten and all appreciated!**

 **Chapter 61 - There's Nothing Holding Me Back**

 _Eric_

"Do you think she accepted the reasoning for Tris' sim result?" Zach asked me from his spot on the couch in my apartment.

I sighed as I shrugged. "Who knows with that manipulative bitch. I did what I could but because I wasn't there when Four did the simulation, she could have doubts. All I could verify was that the equipment might have been damaged with the sim session previous to it. I can say she wasn't fucking happy at all when I told her about Kat's sim. I don't know whether be thankful for it or not honestly. She wasn't happy that there was clearly no indications of divergence in it."

Zach let out a relieved breath that I wished I could give myself. There was still too much up in the air. With Jeanine and her plans. With Kat and trying to navigate her through initiation. With finding a way to change the course of this faction, trying to keep it from the brink of destruction. Not to mention the city and what a cesspool it is becoming.

All of that should be a priority and it is...just not as much as getting Kat alone again and working shit out. It had taken a lot of convincing by Zach for me not to keep carrying her ass to my apartment like I had been fully intending to do.

He was right and I had needed to be there for the rest of the sims or it would draw attention from Jeanine. More than was already drawn anyways.

I would go find her now but it is past lights out and I just got done from the conference call I was forced to sit on from the moment the sims ended. I didn't even get to see her at dinner.

"How was she at dinner?" I asked with a frown looking over at my friend.

"Quiet. I know she tried to hide it but I could tell she was disappointed that you weren't there. All of them were more subdued, even Uriah, which is saying something."

I nod knowingly. It is to be expected really. I would be more worried about someone that was acting like they hadn't just been subjected to what could be a living hell.

"Jesus, Zach. You should have seen her in that goddamn sim. I thought it was funny at first. Who expects to see a clown for fucks sake! Not many people even know what they are anymore. But I get it considering the clown itself. Was downright fucking terrifying. Like something out of a nightmare. She didn't even hesitate before launching herself at it but she sure as hell screamed the entire fucking time."

Zach's lips pursed. "She made this comment after I asked her about it at dinner. She said she thinks her flight part of the 'fight or flight' reflex is broken."

His tone was loaded as he said this. He had also been acting cagey and a bit moody since Kat's night at his apartment. I hadn't pressed him but it was getting to me now that I had time to focus on it.

"There something you need to talk about, Zach? Something I need to know?"

He was quiet for a few moments before he shook his head. "Not yet."

Before I could demand any answers from him despite the resolved look in his eyes, there was a rapid rap on the door.

We looked at each other with frowns but I got up and pulled open the door to find a shuffling Kat, looking seconds from just taking off. I stick my head out of the door as I pull her in to check for anyone that might have seen her.

Zach had risen from his seat and was looking at her in worry. A silent exchange of words between them that made me have a flash of jealousy. Whatever it was had Kat shaking her head in the negative.

"I'm….I didn't have one." She answered simply outloud and I think more for my benefit as she looked at me nervously.

"Did you come here by yourself?" I ground out more angrily than I meant about her alone in the corridors so soon after the attack.

She sighed and shook her head again then indicated over her shoulder with her head and looked to Zach. "Peter is out there. He said he would wait for you Zach, since he was sure he would end up going with you if...if Eric did agree to see me."

She said the last part a little more quietly and looked down.

Zach left quickly after mumbling something to her and pulling her for a quick hug. She had nodded and said she would then he was gone after a quick 'later' to me.

I restrained myself for about as long as it took the door to click shut and be locked; then I had her in my arms and against the door. I knew we needed to talk and that there were things to clear up. But hearing the uncertainty in her voice paired with how much it had felt like a piece of myself was missing by keeping away; this needed to happen first.

The kiss was crushing, bruising even. When I realized this and tried to pull back, Kat's nails dig into the back of my neck as she pulls me right back.

Any control I had always tried to hold onto with Kat was blown away. Blown away by the fear of losing her...and not only to someone taking her away from me but losing her because of something I did or will do. Blown away by the realization and me being honest about why I had been holding myself back.

Not anymore. There's nothing holding me back on my end anymore.

She was in my arms as I carried her to my room during all of my musings. My body and emotions taking over while my mind took a backseat for once.

We fell down on the bed and she let out a small giggle as she broke away only far enough to adjust herself on top of me.

The frantic and desperate tone of the hungry kisses at the start had ebbed and my hands ran along her body in a slower manner. The hunger and passion were still there, but after making the decision to not stop if she wanted to go further, I was taking the time to absorb everything.

"Eric" Kat sighed out in a whisper against my lips as she rocked slowly against me. My groans had rumbled through my chest causing her nipples to pebble even more than they already were through the tank top she had on.

That fire that she had lit inside of me was burning hot. So hot it was pouring from my skin and I felt her own reflected back at me.

With a deep growl I flipped us so that now I was covering her. Her legs snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to her, until our centers were joined even through the clothing we wore. The burning of our cores couldn't be contained even then.

I moaned as she moved into me, just as I moved into her. Our kissing hadn't broken until we had to in order for me to get her tank top off and over her head.

"Jesus." I panted out when I realized she wasn't wearing a bra. What she was wearing when she came to me hadn't registered. Only that she was there.

I finally realized that she must have gotten dressed for bed but then came here. Because she was only wearing the tank top and her preferred sweater pant shorts.

So little separating her from me, protecting her.

I had pulled away as I looked down at her, causing her to stop and put her hand on the side of my face.

"Eric?" She whispered out in a worried voice.

I swallowed as I met her eyes and answered honestly. "I don't want to stop this time, Kat."

She let out a long, deep sigh as her face and eyes transformed from one of worry and insecurity...to relieved and filling with her own desire.

"Then don't."

What little control I had been trying to hang onto, the promise I had made to myself in order to keep from giving in completely to these feelings she inspired in me, slipped away as I released all of the passion I had never known I was capable of on her.

 _Kat_

I had resolved to give myself...to give Eric...until dinner of the following night but I knew as I dressed for bed that wouldn't last. On edge from the sim, from Tris' constant need to keep right beside me and in her line of sight, on top of the worry for what was going to happen with Eric and I; made sleep impossible.

I can at least say I tried. I tried to lay there, meditate and hoped I would fall asleep. But it was just not working. The sounds of the water dripping in the bathroom area, the rustling of others in their beds, soft whimpers from someone as their sleep was plagued with something unpleasant...and the smell.

Do they just want their initiates to succumb to the toxic fumes of combined sweat and the nastiness of an open damn bathroom?

I had heard stories from Uri about the boys school locker room, but good gods this had to be so much worse.

My legs kicked off the coarse covers as I whipped my legs over the side and sat up. I sat there for a few minutes fuming and debating until finally I was pulling on thick socks and my tennis shoes. I don't even bother to put on real clothes.

I could get there and he slams the door in my face.

I could get there and he not even be there….but somewhere else...with someone else. Remembering the night in the pit made my stomach drop in sickness.

I quietly creep to the stairs, pausing as I pass the beds of people that are tossing around restlessly. If any of them is awake to notice my passage they are to caught up in their own musings and worries from today's events to give a shit about the stiff sneaking out of the dorm.

With a cringe I open the door that will lead out from the dorm and let out a relieved sigh when I hear it creak closed behind me. I wait for a few seconds to see if anyone woke or comes after me and my shoulders slump in relief when nothing happens.

I move to step forward then whip around and put the hand that reached out to me in a lock, my body going on defensive.

"Fuckin' hell, Stiff." Comes the hissed exclamation of a voice I coming to know all too well.

What shocks me momentarily is that I feel a flash of comfort and even relief at the fact that it is Peter.

With that I release him and push back as if his touch was burning me with a scowl on my face. "What the fuck were you thinking, Peter? Coming at me like that in the dark!"

Fuck, I could have really hurt him!

Peter straightens up and I see him rubbing his shoulder that I had most likely distended in my hold. He also has an arched eyebrow and a sardonic smirk on his face.

"Aww...is that worry I hear in your voice, Stiff? For me?" He is all but laughing at that last bit.

My eyes and narrow and I scowl even more at him.

"Not fucking likely. I just would rather not have your blood on my hands at the moment...not until you do something to really deserve it. Will make it so much more pleasurable."

My tone had no force behind it and Peter could tell as he gave a soft chuckle and looked off then he ran a hand through his hair.

"I couldn't sleep. Decided to come sit out in the hallway." The he snorted and looked back at me. "Besides I knew you would make a run for it at some point during the night."

I frowned at how he seemed to know me. Was I that predictable?

Fuck it. I don't care if I am at the moment. I just want to get to Eric...if he will even see me.

"Come on, Stiff. No sense getting caught lurking here in the corridor." Peter said and then started off in the direction he knew I wanted to head towards.

We walked in silence, I noticed that Peter was rigid in alertness. He wouldn't let me move from one corridor to the other without checking it first and going to make sure the other side was clear. Not that he said he was doing this...I just knew.

If I weren't feeling worried and unsure the closer we drew to Eric's door, I might have even tossed off something as snarky as he had thrown at me earlier. We made it to the hallways and Peter leaned against the wall and shrugged.

"I'll wait a few and if you don't come out or...I hear things..please lord let that not happen...then I will head back. Or to Zach's." He said the last bit with what looked like a blush but was looking away and behind him so I couldn't really tell.

I nodded and then stood in front of the door. My hand raised to knock, then lowered. Raised then lowered. One more time and I heard a groan and a mumbled 'get on with it' from Peter before I jutted my chin out and chided myself for being a coward.

I was already half feeling like I was about to run away when the door opened and Eric looked at me with a scowl that had me thinking running might be better. Before I could take off though he pulled me into the apartment while sticking his head out briefly.

The door shut behind him. The next few minutes were split between me wanting to melt into the wall due to Eric's scowling and then melt into him just because I was near him again.

I vaguely remember speaking to both of them before Zach left to find Peter. When Eric shoved the door closed and I heard the lock click into place I took a breath and found my courage to confront all that had happened head on.

The breath I had just taken was completely stolen away as Eric swept me up into his arms and attacked me. Eric and I had shared some passionate kisses before but this was different. He was different and when I felt him trying to pull away and felt him forcing himself back into the way he always is with me, controlled and partially closed off...I knew I wouldn't let it happen.

With every bit of strength in my body and using my nails I clung and clawed at him. He moved us to his bedroom and my body was vibrating in pleasure at that only to let out a laugh as, instead of him throwing me onto the bed and smirking at me...like he has done before, he fell backwards with me on top of him.

It was such a carefree move, along with his smiling into the kiss at my laugh, it caught me by surprise.

Just like that was a change, so too did his kissing me. It was still like he was drinking me in but...blushing into the kiss as I thought this...it was almost like he was worshipping me. The way his hands moved over my body, firm as always but even that firmness had changed.

After a bit more of kissing, he gave a growl and flipped us over so that now he is on top. I whimpered though at the loss of contact of him against my core where I had been rocking against his own. I hook my legs around him and yank him back into the place I want him the most causing him to let out a groan.

Then there was a bit of a flurry of kisses and him trying to get my tank top off. When he did he paused and was looking down at me, but the expression on his face was one of being lost or unsure about something.

With a worried frown I put my hand to the side of his face. "Eric?" My saying his name held the question that I hoped he understood.

His eyes moved to mine and for the first time I have ever seen, Eric looked scared. "I don't want to stop this time, Kat."

Relief flooded me that his stopping isn't because he doesn't want me...which is what flashed in me. Insecurities are a bitch.

"Then don't." I manage to whisper back around the lump in my throat and the burning behind my eyes.

Whatever had been holding him back. Holding him to the promise to himself...dissolved right before my eyes in the second it took him to register what I said.

Eric reclaimed my lips then moved them down my jaw, neck and finally to my breasts. Leaving a trail marked in the passion from his tongue and teeth wherever he moved.

I am not sure how long it was before he pulled away and whipped his own shirt off before yanking my shoes, socks, then shorts off before he was once again on the bed with me. Only this time he had moved me so that I was on my side with him pressed against my back.

Not knowing what he was doing or going for I made a plaintive mewling sound. He gave a deep chuckle as he nipped my ear and instead of answering...showed me what he was doing.

One arm was around my shoulders and wrapped in my hair as he had my face moved so that his forehead could rest against mine. Or he could claim my mouth in fierce passion. Which he did just before his other arm moved to lay across my side and his hand teased and snakes its way down.

He began to murmur to me in his deep and raspy voice. Broken ramblings that I didn't register at first because he was currently working towards bringing to my first climax.

In between my panting, clawing at him and moaning I was able to catch part of his deep rumblings. The tone alone being purred so close to my ear but also the way they were being said...not to mention what he was saying.

I realized….in a way he was opening up to me. They weren't complete thoughts and it was like he couldn't really complete them. He didn't know how. But between his pulling me tight against his body, bringing me pleasure time and again as I orgasmed twice, and his words..I knew.

"Never felt like this…" was growled before he withdrew his hand after I came for the third time and then claimed my mouth.

I was shaking. My heart beating wildly and it almost felt like too much. Too much emotion on his part but also mine. I could echo everything he said to me. I felt just as desperate for him as his holding me felt.

I was scared because it felt like I was spiraling out of control and I didn't know if I liked that.

"'S okay, kitten." Eric mumbled and flipped us again so that I was on top of him. He pulled me so that my chest was against his and kissed me again but the grip he had on me changed. He pulled back a little and his hands went to either side of my face as his eyes held mine. "Nothing happens here that you don't want. Kat….baby….you have control tonight."

I was shocked at first but then slowly I flushed with pleasure and smirked at his groan after I had grinned when wicked thoughts blasted through my mind thanks to the books Lynn had gifted me.

"I'll try not to make your regret that too much...but at least I can say it should be very pleasurable...for me." I whispered against his lips as he hissed when I rocked against him and then yanked my head all the way in for a kiss.

Worries and fear disappeared and nothing remained to hold me back.


	62. Sands Of Time (Outtakes)

****Here is the start of a little bonus I cooked up. I originally planned to make a seprate Outtakes post, but figured these would be nice little interludes between chapters. They will be from different characters POV's and at different times in the past or present. Some of the POV's will include: Tris, Four, Eric (growing up), Max and possibly even Peter or Lynn. Hope you enjoy!****

Tris' POV

It was hot and miserable afternoon. I was not looking forward to the walk home and even more so now that my little sister seemed to be in a foul temper about something.

It was bad enough that she was completely forgetting how we should behave in public and was muttering loudly under her breath. Not even trying to hide the tiniest bit like she normally would.

I knew better than to push her but we were drawing strange looks from those around us. Not like we didn't already get looks enough on a daily basis. It had my back going rigid and my pride snapping. It also had me snapping at her.

"That is no way to behave in public, Mary Katherine." I scolded her in a hiss, hardly having to lean down to do so.

She was barely a year younger than me but was giving indications in her growth that she just might end up taller than me. Something I shouldn't focus on at all but couldn't help feeling a flash of jealousy for.

She turned her face to me, her eyes charged with gold in her anger.

"Heaven forbid we should show any kind of emotion, right Beatrice?" She hissed back to me then closed her eyes and shook her head. I knew what she was trying to do, not lash out in her anger. "Just leave me alone."

Then she kicked up her walk, trying to pull away from me. Unfortunately for us both she isn't the only one with a temper. I try to grab her arm to pull her back as we brisk walk along to our faction's sector

She doesn't listen and is calling back to me to please leave her alone. I should. I know I should let her cool off and deal with her anger. I have seen it before how well she can handle it. If I leave her alone she will brush it off and once again be that vivacious and mischievous little girl.

Something I have always secretly envied about her. The way her small smiles seem to make her shine without even trying.

So I don't leave it. I can't leave it alone and I couldn't even begin to explain why. I don't remember what I said, something about how much Dad would be disappointed in her most likely. That seems to be a weak point with her. Just like my weak point is thinking I could ever disappoint our Mom.

She makes no sound when she tackles me to the ground. My blood starts pumping as I start to wrestle her just as much as she is me. We don't hurl insults at each other and even now I don't feel hate for her. My eyes catch hers when we are trying to get each other in a headlock we have both seen some Dauntless born trying to do to each other.

Her green hazel eyes are sparking with just as much excitement as they are with the temper she is still feeling. I know that while my own blue hazel eyes are a different color, they have that same spark in them.

When we are pulled apart by a gaggle of women wearing the colors of Amity, tittering and checking to see if we are ok, I see my sister smiling widely at me. Something I again know I am mirroring.

How we must look to the Amity women who let us go, tutting and shaking their heads. Realizing we just caused a scene and that any minute now someone of our faction is bound to come upon us, I grab my sister's arm and pull her to start running along with me.

Laughter is bubbling from us both as we race along the uneven street, weaving through people. The wind tearing through our hair that came loose in our scuffle, tiny legs pumping for all we are worth. Our breathing coming in ragged gasps until we stop at one of the last buildings before we get to our sector.

Leaning against the wall, bent over at the waist trying to catch our breath. When we restore ourselves to a normal breathing and pulse, we straighten up and look at each other. Smiles still in place.

We had always had a way to speak with each other without words. She gets my question without even having to ask. With a nod and a shrug she sighs.

"Sometimes it is just hard to handle, Beatrice. Having to take all the ridicule, pretend I don't care or don't hear. Teachers look right through me, fully expecting that I won't know a thing that they are teaching. The other dependents….." She trails off and her eyes fill slightly with tears. "We are supposed to be this society that all works together even with our differences but we don't. It just….it can just seem pointless sometimes. Taking all of that abuse, ridicule….I feel alone."

I can feel anger and tears stinging my eyes at her pain but also my own. Because I know how she feels so well. I feel like I am suffocating at times with it all. But I need to be here for her, be strong and not give into how I am feeling.

I push off from the wall and cross over to her. I smile sadly at her before turning her to help put her hair back in place. Soothing and straightening her clothes and trying to come up with something to say.

What can I say? That it will get better? That we must put aside all of that because our place isn't to need those kinds of things? I don't believe in any of that myself and I refuse to.

But I do believe in one thing with all my heart.

"As long as we have each other Mary Katherine, we will never be alone. I will always be with you and I know you will be the same." I say firmly as she turns back to me. The tears that were filling her eyes spill out as she nods.

Here in the shadow of the buildings I allow her to hug me, returning it just as tightly. Drawing strength from each other to hopefully face another day, and then the next. Unsure what the future will really hold for us but knowing even as young as we are that it isn't going to be in the faction of our parents.

We don't speak as she returns the gesture of helping me to straighten up my hair and clothes. Erasing all traces of anything abnormal in our appearance. Then we grab hands and walk towards the street again. Releasing them just before we step out and resume the normal demeanor of our faction.

We slip into the flow of other dependents wearing grey. Melting and conforming externally all while a fire burns in my heart that I know would never fit in here. Knowing that one day it will burn too out of control and I won't want to try anymore.

There is only one place for either of us but it will be a long time to get there for my sister and I. I turn my head slightly to see her wearing a small smile. She meets my eyes and our smiles get wider.

As long as we have each other…..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I feel frozen emotionally and physically. I can't begin to process everything that just happened. There is a flurry of activity, the patrolman that had me shoved behind his back has just scooped my sister up and is yelling into some kind of communicator. Another man in black is racing towards us shouting orders so I am assuming he is in charge. There was gunfire all around after I saw the shot that tore through my sister.

Should I feel horror that I also watched the men who had attacked us, the men that were going to kill us and the Dauntless, be gunned down? The red staining my sister's chest erases all horror I should maybe feel.

There is only cacophony for me for seconds as I am scooped up too. Shock. I am in shock. Some rational part of my mind tells me this. Tells me that is what the men are trying to help bring me out of so I can answer the questions.

Our names. They want to know our names. They need to get our parents. Logical. Understandable. Why can't I answer then?

Someone is calling out to put us in the transport, to rush my sister to Erudite Medical. Before the transport door slams shut, I snap out of it enough to finally answer. I look into the chocolate eyes of the dark skinned man that was barking orders out. I numbly note the block like tattoos running up his neck before I look back to his gaze. Tight with worry and what I can only assume is anger for the situation.

"Prior. Mary Katherine and Beatrice Prior." I say simply and my hope tone is firm enough.

The hard Dauntless man's eyes widen while a stream of curses flow from his mouth. Then he is shouting more orders to get us there and fast. The door slams and the vehicle spins out.

The patrolman, a massive man with tattoos that swirl on the sides of his face, is still cradling my sister. She looks so tiny in his trunk like arms. His hand is pressed firmly on the side where she was shot and there is something under it. One hand seems to engulf that entire side it is so large.

Another man in black, smaller and wirey is frantically trying to work on her.

Medic. The title comes to me. He is trying to push the hand the giant has on her away but he doesn't seem to want to move.

"Condor you have to fucking move your hand so I can get her to stop bleeding!" The wiry man snaps.

There is a low rumble of a voice that comes from beside me and I can't make out what he said.

"I know man, I know. I saw her take him out too. She's strong, she'll make it."

His words seem to help the giant but they also help me. The cold frozen state melts and the feeling like I was going to break does as well.

"My sister is strong. Stronger than anyone I know. She will be ok." My chin is raised and I glare at them both, daring them to contradict me.

They don't though. Condor, the giant, just gives a tight twitch of his lips and nods to me approvingly. The wiry guy's eyebrows raise before he goes back to working on my sister. The giant had finally moved his hand from the spot he needed.

Seconds seemed like hours as the rumble of the speeding vehicle was the only sound now. There was dead silence that clawed at me. When we jolted to a stop, Condor burst out of the transport with Mary Katherine in his arms. Moving faster than someone of his size should be able to move at all in my opinion. He was met by a sea of blue and then they were both swept out of sight.

"She is being taken to the operating room. You can't be in there but I can take you to where we can wait for your parents." The medic that had been working on her has a firm hand on my shoulder after I tried to barrel and shove my way to my sister's side.

Anger coursed through me at being kept from her but I knew he was right. I nodded tightly and let him guide me along. The normal way I felt when people looked right through me and those of my faction didn't happen. I didn't feel that normal surge of anger or pride, loneliness or sadness.

I felt relief. As I sat in the cold hard chair outside of the surgery center, my legs swinging off the sides of the chair, I felt relief that the silent tears crawling down my face went unobserved. The medic, Aster, had gone to get me something to drink. Out of something to do I think. He hadn't looked like he really did well in sitting still.

The numbness had long since gone only to be replaced by guilt. I am the older sister. I am supposed to be the one to protect her. I had promised myself to always do this.

I can remember the exact time and place that I made this promise. I see it in my mind and feel it in my heart as if it was that same day, and I let the memory wash over me.

Mary Katherine had barely got walking down and was already trying to run after me as I played in the streets. She was my best friend from the moment she was born. What I did, she tried to do and it had made me so happy when she would do or say something I had.

We had been playing in the meadow, her running on her chubby legs. I don't even know how old we were but it was very young. I wasn't even in kinder-care school at the time.

I was playing tag with her. Or...as much tag as you can play with a toddler. But her laughter rung through the meadow and mom sat beaming at us amid the flowers as she knitted while we played. Some part of me knew this was naughty. Other of the kids that lived near us didn't play. They didn't run or shout or laugh loudly. But we did and it made mom and dad smile.

I had run away from Mary Katherine, not fast because I needed to let her catch me so I could be 'it'. I was laughing and waiting for her to catch up to me but it didn't come. When I turned around, she wasn't behind me.

I tried to stop her. Tried to get to her in time as I turned back to find her leaning over a wide dark hole that I had never noticed before. I was just there when her little legs tipped forward. Our screams combined as she fell.

It had been an old cellar that was once cemented over but over time part of the roof had deteriorated. Mom had been panicked at first because there was no way to get down there. Mary Katherine was crying and calling for her BeeBee. The only way she could say my name.

Something changed in my mother's face and it became calmer, harder. Determined. She ordered me to stay put in a tone I had never heard her use before then ran fast towards the houses we all lived in. When she came back she had what looked like our sheets all knotted and tied together.

She had kneeled in front of me and asked me if I could be brave. I had been crying but that stopped. She tied the makeshift rope to my waist, telling me to pay attention. She had me do the same, to show her I could do it. Then she told me that she was going to lower me down into the hole. Someone needed to be with Mary Katherine until she could get help. Someone had to be there for her.

From that moment I promised my mother, myself and my sister that I would always be there for her. No matter what, I would protect her.

Tears finally break free from my eyes because I realize I have failed so badly at this. I knew what we did when we were out playing or running around was bad. Yes, she was the one suggesting it or leading the way but she knew just as well as I did that I craved it just as much.

When my parents arrive, the guilt just compounds. He doesn't say anything, doesn't need to. Disappointment radiates from him as his eyes move over me. My father's jaw is clenched tight and he has a slight rocking motion going on as he is addressed by the surgeons.

Mom sits next to me, holding my hand tightly. Her face is a blank but I see the worry and pain there. They both look to be so much older in this moment.

"She made it through the surgery. It was close, having been in the area of her heart but it missed major arteries. She will have to be held here until they are sure there will be no more bleeding and her blood supply has been replenished." My father informs us after the surgeon moved off. His tone is clipped and strained.

Mom sags a little in relief and all I can do is hold her hand tighter to keep from breaking down into sobs of my own relief. "Can we see her?"

He nods tightly. "I am being called into an emergency meeting so will return after that is done. You two may see her but it will be better if you take Beatrice home after that."

For a moment I think my mother is going to protest. Her eyes flash with something and the two seem to be communicating silently in the way I have seen over the years. She sighs in the end and closes her eyes.

"It is the only way, Natalie. I see I was wrong to not do it before now."

Those are the only words he says before he pauses. His face is still pinched and tight but he raises a hand and puts it on the top of my head. He swallows and looks back to my mom as his hand passes over my head. "For them and those we protect."

Mom gives a pinched nod and rises, pulling me with her. "Then you know I support whatever decision needs to be made."


	63. Who's In Control

**A/N: And here it is! The very, very** ** _long_** **awaited moment between Kat and Eric. I hope it lives up to expectations. I decided to go a bit of a different route on it than the smut way. But I hope there are enough juicy details in there to please the masses. I really want to thank everyone so much who has been reviewing and leaving me feedback. Good or bad, it is all constructive to me and I use to better myself and hopefully the story! Will try not to take so long on the next update. Till next time loves!**

 **Disclaimer: This is still V Roth's thunder dome. I just own the stick figures I toss in.**

 **Chapter 63 - Who's In Control?**

 _Third Person_

Kat was engaged in a sort of battle within herself. One part wanting to follow through with her seductive promise from just seconds ago while the other part just isn't wanting to be that patient.

Pulling back from the kiss and sitting up, she smirked when Eric went to pull her back but remembered his promise. "You have way to many clothes on right now. You should fix that." She ordered, loving that she had carte blanche for the moment.

Eric grinned wolfishly then gripped her by the waist before once more flipping them, kissing her and moving off the bed to rid himself of his clothes. He was smirking though as he caught her expression. All of her smugness disappeared. The look he had come to know and crave from her was in her eyes. The desire was there yes, but it was so much more and not anything he had experience with to define. All he knew was that when she looked at him, he felt like she saw him, all of him. The good and the bad, the parts he thought long buried…

She saw all that and accepted it but more than that; it was the emotion she was never able to hide from her expression that let him know, maybe just maybe she might be in as deep as he is with her.

Kat had gotten to her knees and moved to the edge of the bed after Eric had moved away. Her mouth went dry as she lifted her hands to run them along his chest. He had just gotten down to his boxers and when she reached out to touch him had given a small groan, his head falling back a little from even that small contact.

A smile curled her lips as she thought that maybe torturing him wouldn't be that hard if just a touch from her hands got that reaction from him. Then something Lynn said ran through her mind. It was just after she made the dare for her to get the tongue piercing.

Eric looked at Kat and saw that wicked little grin and felt a tremble of anticipation run through him knowing she had something in store for him. He couldn't let her see that he was looking forward to it though and he also couldn't let her think that what he was giving her tonight would be an everyday kind of thing.

So he reached out and gripped her chin, making her look at him as he stepped forward, their body heat melding into each other. Her eyes went uncertain as she saw the warning look in his, eyebrow arched and grin tilting his lips.

"You have control right now, kitten. Even Cinderella had a cut off time though. Careful that you remember that at midnight her carriage turned back into a pumpkin."

Kat bit her bottom lip and her head tilted back when Eric finished his purred warning then began to nip and suck along her bare shoulders. She felt his smirk against her heating flesh when he felt her tremble. Deciding she needed to get going before he made good on his own promise, she pushed him away a little.

"Then I better make my time left count." She gave a pointed look to his boxers and decided to give him the order with a mimic of his famous eyebrow lifts.

He chuckled lightly after he got her point and tugged them down until they slipped the rest of the way on their own. He quickly stepped out of them and then lifted his arms out to the sides of his body as if to say, here I am….do your worst.

She licked her lips and then reached a hand out to grab one of his, bringing him back onto the bed. They were both on their knees together. Her arms wrapped around his neck while his went around her waist.

Eric smiled as their noses brushed a few times, teasing her that he was going to kiss her but never moving in. Kat gave a growl before she pulled him in the rest of the way and kissed him by taking his bottom lip between her teeth first.

Her tongue flicked out and slid across his, causing the small round piercing she had sprung on him to once again take him by surprise. He had almost exploded when he kissed her and felt it the first time. Little did he know that the dirty thoughts he was currently having was something that Kat had on her to do list.

Eric made good on his word of letting her have control and followed her directing of where she wanted him, all while they never broke the kiss. She had him on his back again and he had her straddling him again.

Eric groaned into their kiss and gripped her still panty covered ass after she had rolled her hips and lightly ground herself against him. It felt good. Really good. This was something they hadn't dared to do before and Kat could feel her will slipping to tease Eric some more.

Fighting against the pleasure coursing through her while she still rolled into him and he thrusted up, Kat pulled away from the kiss and moved to plant kisses on his chest. Intent to make her way down.

Eric had given a deep intake of breath, part grunt and gasp, when she moved away and he got her intention. He couldn't give up what he was just starting to really enjoy, so he let go of where he had his hands full of her bottom and went to pull her up again.

"No, no, no." He groaned out the protest.

He was successful in bringing her back to his mouth and immediately moved one hand back to its previous position. Kat grumbled into his mouth before sucking his tongue into hers lightly and pushing away, sitting up completely and pressing her hands to his chest to hold him in place.

Her chest was heaving, nipples pearled and her lips parted as well as bruised. She looked good enough to eat. This was testing Eric more than any training or mental exercise he had ever endured.

Kat raised an eyebrow and took a steadying breath. "Am I in control or do you want to take that back?" Her voice was deeper and husky, full of desire and her thin grasp on her own control.

Eric sucked in a hissed breath as she furthered the torture by grinding down on him even as she was taunting him verbally.

Eric gritted his teeth and shook his head. "I meant what I said, Kat."

His eyes had an almond shape to them and when he was giving his most intense looks, they crinkled on the sides in a squint. They were that way now as they bored into hers. A look that would have anyone else shifting uncomfortably. For Kat it sent shivers down her spine and warmth through every part of her body. It didn't help that he had started to strum his fingertips along her back, starting from her tailbone and trailing lazily upwards.

He never applied pressure. The call of his eyes and the pleasure of his touch had her moving closer to him until their foreheads were pressed together.

"I don't want to hurt you." Eric breathed her in and expressed his worry in a husked voice. His fingers at her shoulders and scraping his nails lightly against her now. "I...I looked up...things...to make it better."

He admitted this and felt Kat's lips immediately quirking into a smile. "You researched how to take a girls virginity?"

She was trying to hold in her laugh but then gasped after Eric growled, tangled his hands in her hair and pulled slightly so that his eyes were once again boring into hers. He just locked them like that for several heartbeats before he spoke again with all earnestness.

"I will never allow anyone to hurt you...even me, Kat." Eric looked to her neck and the purple hewed reminder of his failure to that vein. "There is are lengths I won't go to - to keep that promise."

It was a gritty and raw admission. A wound and vulnerability for her to see and him trusting her not to use that against him.

Kat smiled softly at him and let out a sigh of pleasure when he didn't require more than that before he pulled her back and claimed a kiss again.

The time for teasing and torture was over and they both felt it. She was pulling him by his shoulders even as he was raising with her to turn them back over once again. Breaking away once he was hovering over her, he skimmed his hands down her sides and hips. His fingers looping through the sides of her cotton undergarment. He gave her a look, showing her he was still keeping his word by waiting for her permission and order.

She nodded as she took her bottom lip between her teeth. The cold air of the room hit her heated center only to be replaced by Eric's superheated flesh. Her back arched up and she moaned as she felt all of him against her for the first time.

Eric held still, his length pressed against her but in no rush to move further. He let Kat adjust and move while he had himself braced with a hand to either side of her. Close enough that they felt the pleasure of skin to skin contact but not so much that he burdened her with his weight.

She started to move and arrange herself. First by hooking her legs behind him more and sliding them higher up until she felt with just the right amount of pressure it moved his hips closer, causing the hardness she longed for to slide against her.

Her nostrils flared and she reached out to grip Eric, her eyes widened. Eric smiled down at her and moved one hand to the side of her face, reassuring her.

She wondered at the control as well as tenderness he was showing when she could see the strain it was putting him under. She moved her hips and flexed her legs then watched in fascination as the veins in his neck and arms became more pronounced. He gave a moan and dropped his head until their lips hovered just above each others.

He let her move and slide against him slowly over and over again, his eyes closing and letting out a groan. He could feel her becoming ready for him and felt the ache deep within him. It would just take a slight movement, a little adjustment on his part and he would be sheathed in her.

' _Fuck, you will hold it together dammit.'_ He growled to himself mentally.

"Need you, Eric. Please, need you so much." Kat said in a breathless whisper as the empty ache that pulsed deep within her could no longer be denied.

Eric nodded and felt instant relief that he hadn't given in. He reached to take one of her hands, then guided it between their bodies, lifting up enough to allow room for this as well as for him to look into her eyes. He decided they would do this together.

She knew what he wanted as her fingers wrapped and closed around him. He still held her hand, together they guided until the tip of his sex was pressing against her opening. Then their hands tangled together and to the side of her head again as he pressed forward and she moved into him.

The stretching sensation was immediate and Kat inhaled deeply when she felt the resistance. Eric's jaw was clenched and his eyes pinched with worry but he didn't stop and she didn't let him. Her legs locked tighter against him, pulling him forward and making it clear what she wanted. There was a pinch and she gasped when she felt them joining more fully.

Eric watched her closely for the pain he was so sure was going to tear through her but it never really came. There was brief moment of it, a loss of breath from her before she let out a moan and used her arms to pull him more fully against her chest until they were kissing feverishly.

Eric had a moment of strong Deja vu. A moment to panic that this was just another of those tormenting dreams, taunting him with what he could never have.

He broke away from the kiss afraid he would find that faceless form only to groan with relief and pleasure to see his angel looking up into his eyes.

Burning into him with their pleasure and passion. He let himself be carried away again when Kat reaches out and ran her fingers through his hair, smiling and tugging his head back to kiss him again.

Whispers of silk moving against silk. Muffled gasps and moans. Blue eyes burning along with green shot with gold. Pleas whimpered with fevered breath against flesh becoming slick with sweat. Her body was calling him home but it was in her eyes that he found the meaning of that truly for the first time.

Kat soaked in the feel of his muscles working under her hands as the ran along his back and arms. The way she could feel them bunch together where her legs were wrapped around him, resting against his ass and hips.

When not kissing her deeply, he was dragging his tongue along any inch of skin he could easily reach without losing a single bit of skin to skin contact. Their breaths mingled together when the loss of contact, being joined in every way, became to much and they returned to kissing.

Too soon for either of them, the building of the sensations became too much. Kat dug her nails into Eric's back as the tremble began first in her gut but seemed to shoot through her body, a knot in her core that exploded in all directions and had her crying out.

Eric closed his eyes and held out until he could no longer then pulled her tighter against him and gave a groan of immense pleasure. He thrust deeply into her, gripping her as tight as he could without causing pain and let go, shuddering his release.

He mumbled her name against her neck, nipping biting and sucking along her shoulders as his orgasm stopped.

She was smiling as he finally pulled back and lessened his hold on her. He didn't let her get far and knew that was going to be a rule for him. To never let her get far from him ever again. His lips curled into a smile against her lips when she whimpered and tried to pull him back into her. He laid beside her and gathered her close to him as he steadied his breathing.

The quiet wasn't uncomfortable as she curled herself into Eric's body. Sleep wanted to claim her. She felt like she had just gotten an injection of something that pain medications could never hold a candle too. She almost felt like a cat with how it had her wanting to stretch in satisfaction.

So she did, causing Eric to chuckle quietly beside her. His chest rumbling with it before he tangled his hand in her hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her nose when he raised above her.

He pulled back and traced a hand down the side of her face until he reached her neck. There he tilted her chin until he could lean forward and press his lips along the bruised parts in her skin.

Neither wanted to spoil the splendor of the moment but neither could ignore that there were things that needed to be talked about either. Eric pressed his forehead against her and felt her let out a shuddering breath.

"We need to talk about what happened." Kat stated simply and with understanding to him.

Eric nodded with a frown and laced his fingers with hers. "We do." He squeezed them gently before letting go. "But not now. I believe it just struck midnight, kitten."

He gave her a leer as a warning and her eyes widened. He moved quickly in getting off the bed and taking her with him, tossed over his shoulder. Taking control of himself and taking his turn with them. But he knew it was just a stall tactic to put off the conversation he hoped wouldn't become a storm.

 _Kat_

"I can't sleep here, Eric." I sighed in a half hearted repeat of my protest from earlier.

This was said while making no moves to get up from my current position. Which was on top of Eric still after I had collapsed immediately after we found release with me on top. So far my favorite position. But from what I have read there are plenty more to try.

My head is on his chest, one of his arms locked around me letting me know I wasn't going anywhere, while his other lightly stroked up my spine. We were on his floor, an achievement I am not quite sure how it occured..

My mind is is muddled and my body feels like jelly but I search back through the last few hours. I remember him going caveman directly after what I would say was a mind blowing first time. He had tossed me over his shoulder and stalked to the shower.

It seemed like a favorite thing of his to do; shower together. We had never actually had sex in the shower and part of me wondered if now that we had gone all the way, that would change. It didn't. Eric didn't and wouldn't let it go beyond the deep kissing and touching of each other.

He was even more gentle with me than he normally had been. His face taking on one of worry until I reassured him I wasn't in pain or hurting. Truth was I was a little sore but it was rather mild. I didn't want to mention that I figured this was because I had such a high tolerance for pain. That would not have made it any better, I knew.

He went on edge the minute I brought up the need to talk. Reminding him about things that had caused me pain in the past would just make that worse for him. So I didn't protest and let him have control back. I could tell it was reassuring for him.

We had both pushed past our comfort zones tonight. And to be honest, I needed the reassurance too. I needed his gentle ministrations as his hands ran over my body and his lips hardly ever left mine. Even when our hands moved to bring each other to another orgasm under the spray of the water, we never stopped kissing.

In the past after our little ritual of the shower while getting ready for bed, we wore clothes. That was one part of the ritual that it seemed like he was all to happy to leave out. He had a wicked and gleeful look in his eyes as we climbed into bed. I had allowed it even when I knew I shouldn't. I figured that I could at the very least cuddle for a little while until he fell asleep and then slip out and head back to the dorm.

So I did. When I thought he had drifted off and was under enough, I wriggled my way from his grip and was just at the edge of the bed before I was hauled back and then he was hovering over me, scowling.

"Where the hell do you think you are going?"

I swallowed at his look and the fact that he was pressing me into the bed, his weight heavy against me. "I...I didn't think it would be good, to you know be out of the dorm all night again." I replied in a small voice that got smaller at the darkening look in his eyes.

"You were just going to leave?" The anger in his voice also had a large measure of hurt in it.

"I don't want to leave, Eric, I just can't sleep here again. We have to be careful right?"

He was quiet for a few seconds, the angry scowl still in place until it started to transform. A wicked smile snaked its way across his face and a feral gleam lit his eyes.

He pulled back slightly and shrugged. "Ok"

His tone was casual but there was something in it and behind those blue eyes that had me narrowing mine. We sat that way for a few more seconds but when he didn't say anything else I sniffed and pushed him off of me. Or tried to. He was an immovable wall of flesh.

That wicked smile was back for a second. "What?" The smile was gone and he asked, feigning innocence when I glared at him and tried to move again.

He still would not budge so I gave up with a huff and flopped on my back. "We said I can't sleep here again, Eric."

He nodded soberly. "We did."

Still no movement.

I rolled my eyes. "That means I need to leave."

His response was that goddamn smile again. "Does it? Cause I am thinking it just means you won't be sleeping. In fact.." he closes the distance between us and leans down to take a nipple between his teeth. Grazing it before he releases and finishes his thought. "I know neither of us are going to be sleeping."

And damned if he hadn't kept his word. Starting out with revisiting all the things we had done to and with each other before this night. At one point chasing me around the bed and room as I was whining that I couldn't take anymore. Something Eric took as a personal challenge.

It came back to me vividly that was how we ended up on the floor and a smile curled my lips. It wasn't a bad way to spend the past few hours but I knew there was going to be a price to pay if I didn't get some sleep.

"Seriously though. I really need sleep, Eric. We might not be doing sims but there is still the physical to keep up on."

He gave a disgruntled sigh as he tightened his arms around me before he grumbled out his answer. "Fine. I will call Zach and have Peter head here. But you will be back here for breakfast and then we have a training room at 0800 scheduled. Most all the initiates will take advantage of them getting to set their own physical training schedule and sleep in but I am moving your punishment training to a private one. We can talk about what it will be on at breakfast…" he sighed again "...among other things."

I nodded a little sadly realizing I really just did not want to leave at all.

"Ok." I agreed sullenly.

He mistook my tone to mean I was unhappy about the training.

"Hey, I have been pretty good about not pushing for the early morning things the past few days. No more though, Kat. There are things I am going to...no...that I _need_ you to know how to do."

I had raised up and he did as well so we were sitting together on the floor with my body still wrapped around him. His hand moved to twist in my hair and pulled back gently until my neck was exposed again. His eyes took on a hard look and his jaw clenched when they locked on the bruises once more.

"This can't happen again." He rasped against my skin when he leaned forward. "I will make sure it doesn't happen again." He said with finality and pulled back to look at me as of daring me to argue with him.

"Ok." I agreed with a nod.

And I do agree, so damn much. I don't want to feel powerless and helpless again. So I will take whatever lessons he is going to teach me. Even if I know that his manner of dispensing those lessons will draw anger from most of my friends and the faction. I also know it will make me stronger in the end.

I hope he saw this in my eyes. I think he did because it seemed his body relaxed slightly as if in relief before he smiled and kissed me. Holding me tight.

"If I don't let you go now then I won't at all." He muttered after he helped me off his lap and then got up himself.

He was muttering as he rooted through the covers and sheets that were all a mess, part on and part off the bed. He found his phone that had ended up buried in the mess. I laughed a little and moved to find the clothes I had come in knowing that my sister would know if I was in something different.

While I heard Eric talking to Zach I made myself useful and made the bed.

My mind drifting about the simple act and the domesticity of it. There would come a time when training was over and having to be back to the dorm wouldn't be an issue. I wondered what was in store for me and us then? Would I want to leave? Would he want me to be over _all_ the time.

Lynn had scoffed at me when I asked if it was normal for guys to just buy a bunch of stuff to keep at their place for you. She had reminded me it wasn't like she knew but if Uri and Zeke were anything to go by, it would take Mar and Shauna hitting them over the head and dragging them into the next step. She did say that maybe that was normal for Eric though and he just wants me to know I am welcome.

I like the thought of that but there is also a big part of me that feels I need to claim a space for myself.

I am deep in thought when Eric comes in, pulls on clothes and tells me Peter will be here in a few minutes.

"Remember, I will be expecting you for breakfast." He reminds me before he lets me go out of the door after Peter knocked.

I gave him one last kiss with a smile and hurriedly slipped out.

Peter is standing there looking at me with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

I scowl at him and huff. "What!"

He doesn't answer. Just shakes his head so I push past him and start walking down the hallways. I can feel his restraint in making some kind of comment slipping away and am just preparing for the asseholery to emerge.

"So umm." He says and clears his throat "How much fun am I going to say we had? I mean...judging by looking at you..."

He trailed of pointedly looking at my neck and shoulders. Which had little red marks that can't be mistaken as anything other than what they are.

I turn my head and glare at him. Then I got a sickly sweet smile. "A true gentleman would never kiss and tell. Oh wait...forgot who I am talking to."

Peter rolls his eyes and keeps walking. I look over at him and see he looks relaxed, scarily relaxed, and happy even.

"How much fun did you have?" I shot back at him playfully but saw him lose the contented look as his face darkened.

"What the fuck do you mean by that? What do you think I would be doing when I have to babysit your ass all the time?" He snarled at me but there was a look of slight panic in his eyes.

I reached out with a frown and shook my head. "Peter, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just..."

He didn't even let me finish before he turned a little red and walked away. "Just forget it."

I followed along behind him, giving him distance to cool down and feeling badly. My suspicions seemed to be piling up but it wasn't something I wanted to try and play detective with. As much as I wanted to help, with us being friends by force of circumstances, I don't think it is my place to.

Peter slowed his pace and let me come even with him. He gave a sigh and he looked at me, my neck and shoulders and rolled his eyes.

"If your boyfriend is going to make such a public display of claiming his territory he is going to have to get over his no touch policy. There is no way people are going to believe we were off getting nasty enough to leave that shit but then don't even touch when anyone else is around."

I laugh when he wrinkled his nose in disgust after saying the last part. "Well, we could just tell them to mind their own fucking business." I shrug and he snorts.

"Something I have noticed here in Dauntless; they gossip worse then the noses and mouths put together."

That is true. Word and rumors spread fast around here.

"Well how about we use that old saying…" I trail off blushing but with a smirk.

"Which is?" He asks using his hand to motion for me to get on with it.

"I'm a freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets." I say with a smile.

Peter's mouth drops open slightly in shock before he snaps it closed and starts to laugh. "Stiff, you are the very definition of a freak at times."

He shakes his head and is smiling. So while before our...whatever this is...happened I would of thought he was insulting me; now I know he isn't.

"Seriously though I am going to at least have to hold your hand or something. Don't want shit to be said do we?"

Again with the slightly loaded tone but I was starting to understand. So I decided to ignore it smirked at him.

"Unless we want to give them something to talk about." Then I moved closer and picked his arm up, draping it over my shoulder.

Peter looks uncomfortable for a second before he snorted and shook his head but left his arm. "You really must want to get me killed."

We walked through the remaining hallways like that. Passing a few people that didn't even give us a second look. Peter was still walking a little stiffly. Looking anything but the role of a boyfriend who was just off with his girlfriend doing naughty things.

So I distracted him after debating for a minute.

"Clowns." I said quietly enough for him to hear.

He looked down at me in confusion. "Clowns?"

I nodded, feeling like my face must look white with the fear just mentioning them or thinking about it makes me feel. "My fear. It was clowns."

To his credit he doesn't outright laugh or make a smartass comment. For all of a minute. Then it was just to much and I felt his side expanding with the laughter I knew was rumbling through him.

"So let me get this straight. The fear that had you put Four on his ass and made…" He looked around before leaning closer to me "..your boyfriend, the most feared leader here; to have to literally knock his girlfriend out to stop her from stabbing the fuck out of another feared and revered member of Dauntless…..was clowns?"

A shudder runs through me when I remember the clown and I drop the idea of trying to describe it and just mutter. "Yeah but they're evil shits that all need to die in a fire."

We look at each other and my lips twitch at the little bit of humor I can see in the situation. "I did kinda go crazy in there. How did Four look after Eric took me out?"

"Like a wildcat handed his ass to him." Peter said in all seriousness and shrugged.

We were quietly laughing as we stole into the dorm. Part in show and part natural.

"Go to sleep, stiff" Peter whispered as he moved off to his bed. Which was practically a goodnight from him.

"Goodnight Peter." I whispered in a sing song tone to him.

As I was slipping into my covers and laying down I heard from somewhere in the dorm a whispered ' _get a room_ '.

I laughed to myself before I gave in to exhaustion. In three hours my day was going to start and it was going to suck….I needed all the rest I could muster.


	64. I'm Not An Angel

**A/N: I wanted to start out by thanks those that left the reviews for the last chapter. I was completely worried about it but am glad that it came over good. So thank you DYK jojuarez26, leek812 and the guest review from Desha.**

 **Time jumps are going to be starting soon. The story continues for after training but we do cover some major things for the remainder of training before we get there. I really hope you all are enjoying! Thanks for all the views, follows and faves. As always reviews are my absolute fave flavor of candy!**

 **Disclaimer: V Roth owns the tilt a whirl and we are all just along for the ride. I just like to put on some Ozzy and take us off the rails from time to time.**

 **Chapter 64 - I'm Not An Angel**

 _Eric_

"Don't you think that is going a little to far?" Chase stands in front of me in my kitchen, anger and worry pouring out of him.

"Considering that this makes how many instances that she almost fucking died? No. I don't, Chase." I spit out just as angrily.

We aren't quite toe to toe right now but we are both standing facing each other.

"Believe me, I am well aware of how many this makes. I also know that keeping her out at all hours of the night isn't helping her safety a damn bit." Chase bites out.

My jaw clenches. "Are you accusing me of putting her in more danger?"

Before Chase can respond, Zach angrily gets between us. "Fucking enough!" He looks at both of us for a minute but Chase and I are still staring each other down.

I had just woken up and started to get ready for the morning when Chase and Zach arrived. From the first, Chase looked on edge. I don't know how he could tell what happened with Kat last night. Maybe he didn't know but could guess. Either way I knew part of his anger was hurt at that fact.

It might be an asshole thing to think but he was just going to need to get over that shit. When I had told them both what I planned on doing with Kat during training that he snapped.

Zach sighed and ran a hand through his hair and looked to Chase first. "He has a point. She is going to need every advantage she can get at this point. The physical ranked portion is over so what Eric is going to teach her won't interfere with that. Whoever attacked her is still there in that dorm with her every night. It might be the same person that put the knife in Edward's eye and it might be completely unrelated. Either way, I get why he wants her to learn this."

Chase seemed to realize, or be willing to accept, this was necessary. His anger lessened some but not all. He looked away from me and shook his head. "I get it but we both know how hard he goes already. Kat is just the same. Adding goddamn knives to the situation is bad news."

It wasn't really about the knives, not all of it anyways. I knew it, he knew it and Zach knew it. But this was between Chase and I. So I looked to Zach and motioned with my head.

"I am going to go down and see if she is awake." Zach said with a nod, already moving off.

We watched him go and I leaned against the kitchen counter, trying to calm myself and put myself in Chase's position. One I can admit I am all to happy I am not in. I can also admit that if she had chosen him instead of me, I don't know that I would have been near as good about things as he has been.

"I get it, you know. I do, but this isn't something that is going to stop. I don't want this to come between us, brother. But I am not going to give this up either." I said with a shrug but inside was in turmoil.

Because that is my brother in all but blood standing there and I knew he was hurting. Knew he was hurting and I was at the heart of it. With not a damned thing I could do about it either. He looked off for a second but his eyes landed on my bedroom door. He shook his head and immediately looked back to me.

"I felt...no I _feel_...useless. She goes to Zach for whatever is going on with her nightmares and has been talking shit out with him. She has you of course and you have…" he stops and runs a hand through his hair. "You two aren't the only ones that felt like shit watching her lay in that hospital bed, knowing there wasn't anything I could do to help. You told me not long ago you needed and wanted my help to protect her but I have done a shit job so far."

"You haven't done a shit job and don't think she doesn't look to you as well, Chase. She does it's just not how I know you would have wanted. I can't change that for you." I turned and grabbed a cup of coffee and moved away to the living room as I gathered my thoughts.

I think we all knew that some kind of confrontation was going to happen at some point. I just hoped we could work it out. I took a sip of my coffee and watched him join me in the living room with his own. He sank into a place on the other couch looking in his cup.

"This isn't something that will just go away overnight but I will be fine. We will be fine. I just want to help though, Eric. I fucking need to."

I nod in thought. "Earlier when I was giving the plan, I wasn't finished. I know that she and I can get carried away and we need someone to make sure that doesn't happen now that we are getting into the serious shit. I was already going to ask you to be there from now on since you have some open time. Also, the sparring; she has gotten to know my style pretty damn well. We need to switch it up so I wanted to have you take some turns there too."

I could tell this helped him, his shoulders lost the tension and he nodded with a grateful smile. "That sounds good."

I nodded back to him and while we waited for Zach and Kat, we hashed out what exactly we should start with.

"Did you talk things over at all? What did she say about some of the crap she said?" Chase asked as we still waited.

I shook my head as I was swallowing some of my coffee. "We haven't talked about it. On one hand...I know we need to. On the other, I am fucking terrified to."

"Why?" Chase asked, trying to draw out my own thoughts.

"Because I don't think I can apologize. Not really. How things have been...how I have been...I thought at the time it was the right thing to do. I am seeing there might be better ways to do things and that what we were lead to believe about threats wasn't right. At the time though it was the way I saw to get through what was headed towards us."

Chase nodded but shrugged. "I don't think you are going to find that she wants an apology. Just tell her what you told me, be honest."

I sighed internally knowing that I had already planned on it. That was what had me so worried. That and worrying that she was going to be as equally honest. Worried how I would react about some the things I would hear.

"Maybe we should have breakfast in the dining hall this morning, leave you two to talk." Chase suggested, looking at my face.

It wasn't a bad idea but then again with them gone I might just put off talking altogether, again. He was chuckling at my frown and I took out my phone to message Zach. Putting it off wasn't an option so maybe going to some place that would be considered neutral territory would be better.

 _Kat_

Tris wasn't in her bed when I was woken up. I noticed this as I blearily sipped from the cup of coffee that had been stuck under my nose, the smell alone was enough to rouse me from my way too short sleep.

I popped one eye open to see a smirking Zach crouched beside my bed. He put a finger to his mouth, telling me to be quiet before handing me the cup. He also made sure I could sit up properly before he moved off.

I noticed that Tris wasn't in her bed after I had watched Zach move off to Peter's bed and do a repeat of the way he woke me up. The only difference was that he leaned in to say something close to Peter's ear before he walked back over to me.

He didn't speak, just have be a sign that said hurry and moved out of the dorm.

It took several more sips for my brain start to function then the fact that Tris' bed was empty registered for me. I frowned, sipping still while thinking. If she had as bad of a sim as I did then I could understand her wanting to go to someone to help her through it. That someone would be Four for her. It was why I sought out Eric, well one of the reasons anyways. I felt a pang that has become familiar over the years. Like a piece of me is missing. I know that piece is my sister. I know that the wedge between us was one of both our making. It has gotten better here and I am hoping to hell that when everything finally comes out I don't lose what we have worked hard to regain.

Peter had gotten up and dressed in the time it took me to wake up. He stood in front of me, tapping his foot impatiently. With a tired sigh I got up and got dressed. Thankful I had everything all laid out already. When I am ready, Peter is already standing by the door. We go out of it together quietly and find Zach waiting out of it for us.

"There has been a change of plans for breakfast." Zach mumbles as he is looking at his tablet. He smirks and then glances up to me for a moment then back to his phone snickering and shaking his head.

"Ok. You going to share what the change is?" I ask with a hand on my hip as he is still typing away.

With a final snort he puts his tablet away and nods. "Yeah. We are going to the dining hall but you are meeting Eric in his office where he has breakfast for the two of you."

I frown and nod. Wondering why the change of location and what Zach is all amused by. "Ok."

"Well, I'm hungry. So can we get going already?" Peter asks as he runs a hand over his face.

We start walking and Peter is still yawning and grumbling. Remembering last night, I grab his arm and put it over my shoulders. "Ah, sweetie...did I exhaust you last night?" I bat my lashes up at him as he is scowling at me.

Zach snorts in laughter and looks away while Peter turns red. He doesn't get as stiff or awkward though so that is good. We get to the corridor where the offices are and Peter drops his arm immediately before patting my arm. The pat was also a light shove away from him and towards where Eric was standing at the opened door looking like he just got there himself.

Zach sighed and shook his head at the narrowed eyed glare Eric was casting at Peter and I. Neither say anything to each other but Zach looks to me with a smile. There are other people milling about the hallway that pass Eric quickly without trying to draw notice.

"See you at lunch. Hopefully both the paperwork part of your punishment and the later part aren't too painful. Then again...this is Eric." He says this last part with a smirk at me but loud enough for anyone passing to hear.

I wave to Peter and Zach as I duck into Eric's office.

He scowls from where he is leaning against his desk with his arms folded over his chest. "About time, initiate. Close the door behind you so you can get started and not waste time."

"Yes, sir." I reply and try to keep my tone free of the amusement at this whole set up. I turn and shut the door then turn back to face Eric.

I probably should have expected that he was already there and I was bracketed in by his arms to either side of me as he leaned in close. "Care to explain what exactly Peter thought he was doing just then?"

I huff and point to my neck where are the red marks are obvious even though I wore a shirt with a rounded neckline to cover as much of them as possible.

"Unless people will believe these just randomly appear on someone for no reason at all then the only other option is to make them believe the guy who is supposed to be my boyfriend put them there. That means we can't walk around looking like a couple of stiffs."

As soon as I pointed out the marks Eric had gotten a smug look that also had hunger behind it. He licked his lips and leaned in until he was just a hairsbreadth from our lips touching.

"I can handle that much as long as he knows, he takes it any further…"

I sigh and reply in a deadpan tone. "Yes..pain...lots and lots of pain. He is well aware of that."

"Good." He growled then jerked me to him and kissed me.

I should be angry with his unreasonable jealousy but as he is kissing me the image of that girl and him from the pit pops up and suddenly I understand exactly how he feels. I shoot one hand up and grip his hair, tugging it and his mouth back to mine after he went to kiss my neck again.

He groaned and then lifted me up and my back slammed against the door. He pressed into me hard while our tongues tangled together. I moaned into his mouth when he pulsed his hips forward and my body went into some kind of automatic response. My legs tightened around him as my hips tried to rotate up to get more contact between us.

I moaned again when I felt him hard under those layers of clothes. When he broke away from the kiss and moved to my neck again we both repeated the action again and my moan was loud. "Eric." I whimpered wanting more, everything, here and now.

I didn't care that we were in his office and that we might be heard. He did though.

"Fuck!" He growled loudly and slammed one hand on the door beside my head. He let me down slowly, breathing hard. When my feet hit the ground he put his hands to either side of my face and pressed his forehead to mine. Our bodies were still pressed up against each others.

My heart was beating fast and I had a hold of his jacket, trying to pull him closer because the ache in me was so bad.

"I thought coming here would be better. That I would be able to...that we would be able to talk without... _this_ getting in the way." He groaned towards the end because neither of us had stopped trying to press into each other.

Our lips brushed across each others. I could feel the heat of his breath and smell the rich smell of the coffee he had this morning. I closed my eyes and breathed it in, trying to pull him closer only to stumble a little a second later. In frustration Eric had slapped the palms of his hands against the door to shove off and away from me. He backed away from me but never let his eyes do the same. He was biting his lip and his hands were clenched into fists at his side.

I recovered from my stumble and only barely held in a whimper of disappointment. Eric was not making this any easier on me as he still stood there...just looking at me. It wasn't that he was doing anything other than that but that alone was enough to have me feeling weak enough at the knees that I had to move forward and grip the back of the chair.

He had stopped biting his lip but now his mouth was slightly open as he panted, his chest heaving as if he had just finished a run. His eyes were wide which should be showing plenty of that beautiful blue iris but they were nowhere in sight. It was almost all pupil. His nostrils were flared as he breathed heavily. Then there was the very clear bulge in his pants that the dark color could not hide even the tiniest amount. If I squinted I thought I might even be able to see movement from the pulsing I know it is capable of.

I squeeze my thighs together when I remember that pulsing deep inside of me.

"Goddamn kitten. You need to stop looking at me like that right now." His voice was low and silky, it was said as a warning but it almost felt like he wished I wouldn't stop.

I closed my eyes as I gripped the top of the chair and breathed in and out slowly. He was right. We did need to talk. Things had happened that just we just couldn't avoid talking about any longer.

I nodded as I opened my eyes again. "It was probably a good choice coming here. You aren't likely to have sex in your office."

Something in his eyes changed and I saw guilt flash in them. He swallowed and looked down making me realize that he had in fact had sex in here.

"Oh." I said feeling as if I had just taken a hit to the gut. I frowned, looking down and away from him. "I see."

I felt like such a kid right now. Ready to run away crying about something that in the back of my mind, part of me was telling me was stupid to be upset about.

He stepped forward, his face closed off and I realized I was backing away and towards the door.

"Not another step, Kat." He demanded lowly of me.

I halted in that instant and looked up at him, still trying to fight hurt. I don't know what I expected of him...maybe to take me in his arms but he didn't. He was stepping back now until he reached the edge of his desk where he leaned on it and placed his hands on the edges of it.

"Sit." He commanded me again. Hurt was still there and it increased making my temper snap too. My chin jutted out and I narrowed my eyes at him as I was about to refuse. Then his face softened and his eyes turned pleading. "Sit please, Kat. I can't….if we even touch…."

It was then I realized that his hands were gripping the edge of the desk so tightly his entire hand was turning white. He was literally holding himself back from coming to me. The anger eased a little but the hurt was still there. Still I gave a stiff nod and sat in the chair. My entire posture suggested that I was still feeling both.

"We needed to talk anyways, we can start with this. Yes I have had sexual acts done to me in this office. Again I am not going to go into detail but you do deserve to hear this. You need to know this because it will be another aspect that someone will try and use to hurt you, Kat. That is the only reason we are going to have this conversation. We will only have it once. Do you understand?"

My jaw clenched but I gave a curt nod. He let out a breath and some tension left him but not much. "I have been in Dauntless since I was sixteen Kat. Sex in Erudite or Dauntless isn't really considered something only reserved for having with someone you care about. Many here regard it as fun or a completely natural thing to have as often and with as many people as they can. I never really did. What I said to you before.." he stopped and his eyes pierced into me "...it was and still is the truth. It was _never_ anything to me but a function of the body. One that angered me that I seemed to have no control over when I was younger. It got better, I got control but it was still necessary from time to time. Do you understand what I am telling you?"

I swallowed and remembered the night on the roof and his admission. I remembered last night and how he held me as he whispered broken ramblings of how he felt. I understood but it still hurt.

"I realize that...whatever is going on between us is different for you." I admit with a frown and look at my hands. "I believe that, I just...it hurts to think of you and…"

"I know...fuck..I know." He stopped me from continuing and let out a breath. "I can't apologize for those years because they were all before you. I know now what we have is different because of those years. I can apologize for what I know you are going to face. There are women here that when they find out we are together will throw that past in your face. It won't matter that I never meant anything to them nor did they mean anything to me."

He stopped and looked at me frowning, as if debating telling me something. I lifted my chin and resolved that if we were speaking truths then we needed to speak them all. "Tell me."

His lips thinned and I could tell he still was fighting himself on it. He pushed away from the desk and moved around to drag his chair closer before sitting in it. When he was settled he looked at his hands for a second more.

"There weren't many times over the years that it was ever with the same woman." He stopped and closed his eyes and growled. "Jesus, I really was a fucking male whore."

He was so disgusted with himself, his eyebrows fighting closer together with how much his forehead was scrunched together. My lips twitched slightly and I had to choke back a laugh. Some of it must have escaped me because his head snapped up and his eyes narrowed at me.

"Did you…" He got a bewildered look on his face "did you seriously almost laugh just now?"

The entire time I had been fighting a smile and laugh. I lost and let one out. He raised a hand gesturing to me. "Really? You were just about to try and use your tiny hands to snap me in half you were so mad and now you are _laughing_?"

The laughter slowly died and I shrugged before getting serious again. I sighed a little. "Sorry you just looked so disgusted with yourself and like you were about to launch into a lecture session to yourself."

His lips twitched a little but then he held my eyes. "There were a few girls when I first got here that were...repeat customers I guess you could say. One was during initiation but she was _never_ a girlfriend. It was seriously just sex and convenient because she was another initiate. She also wasn't particularly exclusive and actively went after Four at the same time as me. It was more of status thing for her. She wanted both the top rankers. Then after training and I went into leadership there was an older woman that visited from time to time. Again it was just sex, we definitely weren't exclusive and it was another case of status but this time because I was the youngest leader. After that...after that it was never the same person and it sometimes it wasn't even full sex."

He clears his throat and shakes his head. "That is all I am going to say about this other than I needed you to know and be prepared. I don't want them to be able to hurt you with what I have done in the past. I didn't want them to be able to twist it and hurt you."

I nod frowning as I take in the information. "Who….I mean...I don't think the other women you are telling me about would care if they didn't before. But the two...who were they."

He gives a ragged sigh and runs a hand over his face. "I guess you need to know that. One you will get to know from going where her job is. Her name is Val and she is one of the bar managers at Vivid, the Bar on the second level."

My eyes narrow at this because that is the bar he was at the last time. "Was that her that one night?"

Eric frowns as if he is confused but then he remembers and he shakes his head furiously. "No. It doesn't make it any better to say I don't know who the hell she was. No I haven't been with Val like that in years."

I let out a breath and nod. "The other one then?"

He winces and looks away. "Lauren."

My eyes widen. "The trainer?"

He nods and grimaces. "Yeah. Unfortunately and out of the two..I think she is the most likely to cause shit. She's a drama queen like that."

I remain silent for a long while. Just processing what he has told me. The jealous part trying to push past the logical part. In the end I am able to see that the hurt won't go away immediately but what he has told me, about what we have together makes me feel better.

"Will you _please_ say something." Eric says this with an exasperated sigh, rubbing his eyes at the same time.

"I get that you have a past. We both have pasta that entail different things. My past is that I had zero experience and that could be just as upsetting or concerning to you as yours is to me. The one thing we both have in common is that this is new for us both." I am thinking out loud at this point. So what I am saying comes out slowly and softly as I am weighing the words as I speak them.

I hadn't been looking at Eric as I started to talk so his sigh of relief caught my attention and I moved my eyes back to him. "It is new for us. This whole...opening up about my past or feelings. It's just not something I do. The only people that I have ever talked about things of that nature is the guys I call brothers. I don't let people in, Kat." His voice is soft at the end. Telling me more than his words alone would.

I smile at him and nod. "I know. Thank you for doing that with me."

He smiles back but tilts his head. "I need to know if you can see yourself doing that with me?"

My heart feels like it skips a beat or two. I wonder if I am reading too much into this but it sounds like he is asking about so much more. Maybe that is just because it's something I am wanting? The thought of that something more thrills and terrifies me.

"I...I can, Eric. I do see myself like that with you but it is so new that, I don't know what I am doing at times." I admit with a shrug.

He lets out a sound like a huff and snort and gives that smile that melts me. I can tell my words have made him happy. "You aren't the only one but like I said before I think we just have to keep talking. Like we are now, being honest and willing to hear each other."

There are the wrinkles in his forehead that form when he is worried about something. They are starting to get deeper and I know that we need to get to the main show.

"I know and I know that we still need to talk about what happened that morning."

He nods slowly. "I think you know there is so much more that I want to talk about, things you have said or alluded to. Things that I just...know are lurking there behind your eyes." He takes a breath and sits up straighter in his chair. "I think for now I can be ok knowing that you are talking to Zach about them. Cause that is what you are doing isn't it?"

His tone has a little of the hurt I know he is feeling that I am going to someone other than himself. It is also a measure of trust he has in not only Zach but me as well. Eric isn't the type to just not know anything and everything he can. It puts him out of control and he would never allow that to happen normally.

I nod with tears starting to threaten at the gesture he is giving me in this. "Yes."

"Ok." He says and nods again slowly. "Then I will wait until you are ready to tell me. I am going trust that you aren't refraining from telling me because you don't trust me, but because…" he pauses and frowns. Searching for a reason I can't just tell him.

"I haven't really dealt with them myself before, Eric. It's all a mess and a jumble and at times I feel like I don't know what is real...the feelings I have...or if it is something else. I want to tell you and I will. But I feel like I don't have anything to tell you because I don't have the words. Zach...he's helping me find them. Helping me sort through it."

It takes a bit for him to either process this or accept it before he speaks again. His expression isn't cold but it is careful, like he closed off so he wouldn't show what he was feeling and hurt me.

"Tell me about Marcus. I think I have a right to know at least that." His voice goes edged his jaw tightens.

I nod and frown. There is so much that I still can't say for every reason I just gave him. But I can tell him how it started. I just hope by doing that it doesn't bring down the anger on Four.


	65. Beginning Of The End

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, follows, faves and views! Here is the next installment and I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: V Roth is the Van Gogh of this universe. I am more like the girl with the paintball gun using it for target practice!**

 **Chapter 65 - Beginning of the End**

" _Eric, please. Please calm down or I am going to stop right now and I promise you I won't tell you another damn thing."_

Flesh met hard plastic with a thundering sound in the empty training room.

" _How can you expect me or anyone not to go after him after what you just told me, Kat? How the fuck can you sit there and tell me that one day you hope to be friends with him again? He left you there with a shit storm of his own making! Don't try and tell me Marcus just left you the fuck alone after that. Don't even try and insult my intelligence!"_

The chain the punching bag is attached between jerked and twisted violently with the force of the hits I am launching at it. Blood is making my hands slick. My breathing is a cross between a low continuous growl and ragged gasps. It all echoes loudly back on me and drives me on, harder. The sounds of my anger and rage feeding it to new heights.

" _I told you there were things I am still working on, Eric. I am not trying to keep things from you and I know you have already started to connect things. I am begging you to please trust me. Trust me that I won't run away from it and that if I go to anyone to help me, it will always be you. Just give me time, Eric. That is all I am asking for….give me the time and let me sort through this."_

Kat had ended up with her arms wrapped around me. Her face buried in my chest while I was vibrating with the anger and rage at the little bit she had told me there in my office this morning. The first thing she told me and I almost stormed out of my office. I would not have hesitated to put Four in a grave. I was that livid. Only her pleas and touch broke through it enough to keep me from that.

 _Her hands push my jacket aside but I resist at first._

" _Do you remember when you said you wanted someone that stands beside you?" She had spoken softly as she was running her hands slowly over my chest while nuzzling the still shirt covered area. I gave a grunt back in reply but also because I knew she was trying to defuse me with her actions. "When you said that and that you wanted it to be me; I realized I wanted the same. I do still want the same; need it Eric." She had pulled back and let her arms wrap around my neck as her eyes held mine. "I realize we are different in how we do things. I might get angry or upset about them but there is one thing I know without a doubt."_

 _Kat took on hand and moved it towards my heart, leaning in and placing a kiss to the area before she put her hand lightly over it._

" _Where it matters; we are the same. We want the same things." Her eyes lit with gold when she looked back to me. "In the end our differences will make damn sure we get what we want….together."_

 _My will and control crumbled in that admission. She was telling me everything I had ever hoped for but in the back of my mind had doubted would ever be possible with someone like her. She was too good and I was….me. Apparently that is exactly what she wanted._

" _Want you…..now." I had growled and snatched her into my arms._

" _I'm yours, Eric." She had moaned in reply. Her head fell back when I locked my mouth around her pulse point._

My hand over her mouth kept her cries from escaping but there had been nothing to keep mine in as I took her in my office. Right there on my desk. She had tried to lighten the mood afterwards by calling it makeup sex. It hadn't been gentle and I was angry with myself afterwards for the amount of control I let slip. Kat had been purring and looking contented as hell about it. Smug too.

I guess in way it fit the bill of make up sex. We had been arguing and it had gotten heated. While there wasn't yelling on her part the force of her words and eyes let me know she was far from calm. I swear at one point I thought she was reaching for one of the knives on my desk. What she had thought about doing with it wasn't something I had planned on finding out.

Maybe Four was right and I needed to eliminate knives from my uniform? I snorted and slammed my fists against the bag in a flurry of punches. Listening to anything that ass has to say is not going to happen at all. Especially after Kat telling me that he lied to save his father's ass while hanging her out to dry.

The contact and then holding her afterwards had dulled the rage and thoughts but it hadn't gotten rid of it at all. We had eaten breakfast after getting straightened up with her sitting in my lap with us behind my desk.

I was going to continue our talk but my phone went off telling me I was needed in Candor. I had been telling her about what I was planning for training so when I knew I had to leave she asked if she could at least train with Chase instead.

That had almost lit my temper right back to full force until I saw her face. She was needing some kind of escape and outlet. So I had to let her. Chase was all too happy about it but understood there were things he would not be doing until I was there.

I caught the train to Candor and the meeting I had there was what brought me to the empty training room after lights out. I missed dinner with Kat but was able to get her a message it was just me being tied up in meetings. Which was mostly the truth.

Walking into Candor I hadn't expected to find a way to release some of my anger and on an all to deserving target.

Marcus Eaton

A smile tilts my lips cruelly as I think back to that meeting and what landed into my lap from it.

 _Earlier that morning: Candor Law Complex - Office of Jack Kang_

The message had come from Max but it was Zach that met me at the waiting area just outside of Jack Kang's office. I rarely had to deal with Candor but when I did it was mainly in council meetings. Jack was a pretty decent guy. Still, I didn't deal much with him directly considering he was the faction's main leader. Typically, head or main leaders dealt with other's of the same from the different factions. The only exception of that being Amity. They claimed they didn't do the leader thing but honestly it was always Johanna that just happened to be elected to deal with faction matters.

I shook my distracted thoughts away and walked up to Zach. He was pacing and his body language was what I recognized as him when he was preparing for some unpleasant task.

"What's up?" I asked as soon as I got level with him. I kept my voice low so it couldn't be overheard by some of the people in the area.

He shakes his head a little and looks around. "I don't know much other than Max requested us both to come here for a meeting. He didn't say what it was about but he did tell me who would be here."

His face hardened slightly as he was looking at me. I raised an eyebrow to ask the question. "Andrew Prior."

I frowned deeply, wondering what could be bringing the Abnegation leader to Candor for what was looking like a secret meeting. The only thing that came to mind and would explain Zach's expression is one of his daughters, more specifically Kat.

I let my unemotional mask slip into place and gave a curt nod. "Let's get to it then."

He led the way after the secretary let us in. Jack's office was what you might have found in old pre-war lawyers offices. The exception being that the furniture and coloring was done in the colors of the faction. Black carpet, white walls. Bookshelves done in a mixture of the two colors in cube style arrangements. The desk was a change, it was made of a clear glass balanced between two marble columns. The marble had swirls of black in the white.

Jack was sitting behind that desk in a plush white chair. In front of it there were three chairs of black, one being occupied by a person in the dull grey of Abnegation. Andrew Prior.

Kat's father stood and looked over the two of us. When his eyes landed on me he gave a small approving nod before holding out his hand to me in greeting. If his eyes were any indication then my suspicions were right.

After I had shaken his hand and greeted Jack, they turned to repeat the gesture to Zach. With that out of the way we had gotten settled.

"I am sure you are wondering why you have been called for this meeting, Eric. I have to say I myself am curious but it was at the insistence of Andrew that it be you called here. I have been assured by Max that it was approved and he even insisted as well that you would be the best option for what Andrew is bringing us today."

I exchange a quick look with Zach, whose lips thin. This was just making it all the more obvious to us that it was about Kat in some way.

"I'll get right to things gentlemen. Before I do, I will need all your word that nothing I say here leaves this office unless it is to the approved people. It isn't even known in Abnegation that I am here and there is a reason for this. To be frank, I am not sure how many can be trusted in my own faction at this point among leadership."

A look of shock passed over Jack's face before he shook it away.

"I…." He paused and frowned at Andrew. "I have to say that is a rather disturbing revelation. What has brought this about?"

Andrew looks me in the eye and let's lose the words that sends feral pleasure through me. He is watching me closely so I try not to let it show one bit.

"In a nutshell I have strong reason to believe that the leader of my faction and our government is no longer fit for those positions. Reasons aren't enough to make any moves. I need proof. That is where you three come in."

Zach leans forward, a smile tilting his lips. The smile isn't one of his warm and jovial smiles but it matches everything I am feeling inside. Purely predatory.

I let Zach and Jack take the lead on questioning Andrew. My tight rein on the anger from earlier was slipping with the details being revealed. We were right and it is about Kat though he never comes out and says it.

Andrew said a suspicion he had was brought up again during visiting day to Dauntless. An old rumor that was thought to be nothing more than an attack by those displeased with Abnegation rule was being circulated again. The problem was that interactions with the concerned party actually heightened the suspicions for Andrew.

Oh he was fucking brilliant with how he brought this up.

Not once did he imply it was his daughter that made him suspicious. I recognized that this is where it was coming from. He had seemed tense and angry during the end of his conversation with her. I also saw him casting glances towards Four before he had ran away in typical fashion for him when it came to his past.

Using Erudite's smear campaign along with the fact that it is widely known among leaders just where Marcus' son went to bring the point up is a stroke of brilliance. It isn't going to be enough to warrant an investigation of the leader of our government.

"I do understand that this is concerning, Andrew. You have to understand that rumors and suspicions about abuse that was never confirmed, would not be enough. It is my understanding that the young man it would most concern has never given any indication he has any wish to have it investigated." Jack said with a slight sigh.

Andrew nods tightly with his lips thinned. "If that were the only thing I have discovered recently, I would not have resorted to this kind of meeting. As it is, the disturbing and disgusting matter of abuse towards a child is not the only thing that was brought to my attention."

Andrew reaches into a bag from on the floor at his side and withdraws three folders, all with a good amount of papers inside. He distributes those folders to the three of us.

"In those folders you will find several instances of discrepancies I have found recently. They span everything from the supply supervision and allocation to decisions made over the last several years in regards to the running of our government. Each incident separately might not lead to concern but when you look at the bigger picture, adding them all together…."

I had to stop my hands from shaking as the connections started bombarding me. Every little vague reference she had ever made. The little looks and concern in her eyes. The fierce passion she had when she spoke about making things right and protecting her family.

I could hear Zach's breathing change slightly from beside me. Trying to breathe slowly to calm down. I wondered if she had told him anything that would have pointed towards what we were seeing? I tried not to let anger at my brother enter into this. He was and is trying to help Kat through some pretty messed up shit.

My jaw tightened as I looked to Andrew. I don't think he knew how much Kat was aware of or involved in Marcus' corruption and destruction of our city. If he did I don't think there would be anything to stop the older man from tearing Marcus apart with his own hands. He might be mainly Abnegation with good a measure of Erudite thrown in for every other matter; but he was all Dauntless when it came to his family.

Zach would have helping Kat with sorting through her feelings and memories for now. I would have helping her in my own. A way I was all to happy to get behind.

"Well," I said with a toothy smile. "I think this has just become a criminal investigation. Don't you gentlemen?"

Jack gave a terse nod. "I will inform Max that a special group has been formed to handle the matter. It will include those of us in this room of course. Was there anyone else you would like to include?"

My reply was instant. I wanted all my brothers involved on this. I also included one other in a brief spike of insight. "Chase Oldham and Zeke Pedrad."

Zach flashed me a surprised and concerned look. I returned one that let him know we would talk about this later.

We concluded the rest of the meeting. Andrew requested a brief moment with me in the office alone. Once Jack and Zach had exited he turned to me and sighed wearily.

"I am not sure how much of what happened to her she has told you but I can admit I have made some very big mistakes. Things I can never take back. Mistakes I don't know how to make up for or if I can."

My jaw tightened. I had anger towards this man for not believing his daughter when she had come to him. I tried to put myself in his position at the time before I answered. It was so hard to get over my anger for Kat and at the entire damn faction.

I did it for her sake though.

"I have found recently that mistakes are inevitable. I might like to think I am infallible and that when I do something it is with all the relevant information. That just isn't the case. I have made some rather big mistakes myself, Andrew. I can't change them and there is no use in apologizing for them, not without making efforts to change from this point on."

There is a strange kind of coincidence occurring here. Kat's father coming to me with a method to take out my rage at the very man it is directed at. Not only that but coming to me having been in a situation so very similar to mine. That is still so very similar to mine.

Andrew looked at me and nodded slowly. "You are right of course. I don't know why but I felt that you would be the best person to handle this and not just because of my daughter and your affection for her. The day you came to me I encountered a very different man than who I thought you would be. I can truthfully say that there are still elements of the rumored man but there is more. Someone that can and will do what is needed to protect this city and those in it."

He stops and takes a breath then releasing it slowly. "I have to remind myself that's what this needs to be about."

I shrug as I continued to hold his eyes. "You are right. I am still the man you have heard things about. So while I will keep the city in mind, I also have no problem in admitting she is at the forefront."

A little look of being pleased followed quickly by guilt flashed in his eyes before he nodded again.

I told him both of his daughters are doing well and he expressed his relief to hear that. We left quickly after that.

On the train ride home Zach questioned me about the choice of Zeke.

"Not that I don't think he is skilled but we both know who he is best friends with." Zach stated, pointing out the obvious.

I nodded with a smirk. "Exactly."

He rolled his eyes when that was all I said at first. "Care to explain that further."

"Kat told me this morning about her friendship with _Tobias_. How it started and how it ended." My jaw clenched and hard.

Zach sighed and slouched as if some weight had been lifted. "She told you."

Again it was said with relief.

"Yeah." I replied then rolled my shoulders and neck, willing the misplaced anger away. "Look I am not going to pretend that it doesn't hurt or piss me off that she is going to you, because it does and it will continue to. I get it though. It isn't because she doesn't want to but because she is still organizing it. I can also guess that a big part of it is she is afraid of what I will do when she does tell me. Am I wrong?"

His fists clench and he shakes his head as he scowls. "No you aren't. I am barely holding myself back, Eric. That is how bad some of the shit is. I know you wouldn't be able to stop yourself. We wouldn't be able to stop you and Chase wouldn't even try I don't think."

I count down silently and breathe slowly.

"I don't have to know what she has told you to know it is all connected somehow. I already started putting it together before she told me about that with Marcus. What happened in that office just cemented it. Marcus is somehow connected with the factionless. I don't know to what degree or what his objectives are, but he is up to something with them. I plan to put a stop to it."

Zach nods in agreement before sitting quietly for a little bit. "We have to be careful though. I believe her that there are a group of factionless that want nothing to do with the others. To the point that they are hunted and harassed. Amar is with that group so...maybe we need to arrange some kind of meet up? Is that why you picked Zeke?"

"Fuck." I muttered and looked at him. "I hadn't even thought of that angle but it fits in to why I wanted to include him. The reason I wanted to include Zeke was selfish really, because it would help Kat. Uri looks to her as a sister and you can tell Zeke is right behind her. Getting him in on this will help to look after the two sisters with someone that can be open about it. He doesn't have to fucking hide like I or we do." I grumbled out and rubbed my chin, looking out of the open train car door.

"Then there is the fact that Kat, despite what the coward has done to her, wants to try and rebuild their friendship." My scowl is deep at this admission. I want to rage and rail at this but I know it would put a divide between Kat and I.

"Yeah. I am not happy about that either, brother. Maybe if I saw any indication that he would be willing to step up and stand against that filth but he hasn't! He hasn't even given her a reason as to why he abandoned her like that. Just...I guess expects her to forgive him?"

"Whatever. His reasons don't really matter to me. I will still think it was a cowardly thing to do. I'm not the one to have to convince though, Kat is determined. When it comes out we are together he is going to go at her to try and put a wedge between us. I will make sure any back up he has to try and help sway her is gone. Starting with his best friend. Letting Zeke in on this, letting him know I am trying to bring down that slime, will put a point in my favor."

Zach chuckled as he looked at me. "So you look like the good guy while Four makes himself look like an ass."

I shrug and smirked at him. "If he is smart he will quit while he is ahead. Pull his head out of his ass and realize what is being done. It'll be all on him though."

We move on and talk about our first steps in the investigation. It will need to be run by Max who will arrange the meetings and contact with Jack and Andrew. When we make it back to Dauntless we immediately go to our offices. I have all the information I was given by Andrew to go through. There are dates and times of incidents as well as locations or hot spots. I rifle through our archived vid feeds to start compiling them.

Once I have as much of it together, I go to the room that is ready for the meeting where it will all be reviewed. First will be bringing the others up to speed.

I let Max bring Zeke in and give the normal; this is classified speil. To my surprise it was also Max that started the ball rolling and brought things to light in a way that wouldn't mean my relationship to Kat would need to be revealed.

"Alright. Let's get started. I don't think it need be said that whatever is said here is kept confidential. This is a full on criminal investigation and involves high ranking members of the government."

That got the attention of those not in the know already. Which was just Zeke and Chase. Neither of us had been able to update him and he was busy with the Dauntless born most of the day.

"Just after visiting day I had a request for a meeting from Andrew Prior. He came to me with concerns regarding an event that occurred in the past. Zeke," Max stopped and gave him a level stare. "This will involve someone you are known to have a close friendship with but you will need to make sure it stays out of that friendship. Am I understood?"

Zeke frowns but nods. "Yes sir."

"Good. I am sure all here know of the rumored abuse of Tobias Eaton. It was never proven and the young man in question never came forward even after his transfer to Dauntless. The matter was once brought the attention of Abnegation leaders but at the time the allegations from one dependant were dismissed due to what were deemed inappropriate attentions from the accuser. There was evidence presented that the dependant in question was using the allegations as more of retaliation for being rejected. The claims were put to the side at that point. They did come back later, but then again, evidence was provided that suggested Tobias was unstable and had often caused himself harm."

Chase scowled hard and looked to me for a second. I knew he was picking up on just who that dependant was that tried to get help but was made to look like some kind of slut. My face went hot with anger again. I reached out to grab the glass of water from the conference room table and took a few big sips to try and calm myself down again.

"That's quite a lot of evidence that just happens to present itself at the most convenient times." Chase quietly snarled out.

Max nodded while Zeke turned to look at Chase for a second. Pedrad was frowning as well.

"Was the evidence real?" Zeke asked the question I know the two of them were both most wanting to know.

Max looks at me to say he will still handle this. "Yes and no. The dependent did have a relationship with Tobias but in friendship only. There were pictures of the two of them but doing nothing more than...standing close or with an arm around each other. For any other faction this would like what it was. Two young kids with a close friendship. It was the past of these two particular kids that worked against them in that faction. Anyone not seen as toeing the line is considered a problem child. Tobias himself had several instances where he had outbursts at school with other children."

Chase shook his head while Zach spoke up. "In other words things had a bit of truth to them. Enough that they were spun the way Marcus Eaton wanted them to be and everyone believed him."

Max nodded then continued. "This alone could not and would not bring criminal charges or any kind of investigation to light. However it was enough to raise suspicions for Andrew when the rumors surfaced again and he visited Dauntless. He did recognize Four as being Tobias and observed him." Max let out a sigh and I knew the next thing he was going to do. I was already tensing.

I already knew it but I didn't want it to be said for some reason. Even the mention that they had been involved if only as friends filled me with jealousy. Jealousy and anger that Four had done what he had to Kat.

"He also observed his daughter, Kat Prior and remembered that it was her to accuse Marcus Eaton of abuse."

"What!" Chase lost it. He had to have known it but again...it was another thing to hear it laid out like that. Especially when he just heard that the accusation was dismissed by Marcus making Kat look like some little…

 _Fuck! I can't even think it without wanting to kill both Eaton's._

"Kat?" Zeke spoke lowly as he looked to Max. "You said it was dismissed because they basically said she was doing it for revenge. Because Four turned her down? What did he have to say about it?"

Oh how I wanted to let loose the evil grin that was just twitching at the edge of my lips. The saint Four was about to take a huge hit with his best friend.

"He agreed with Marcus and said that she tried to kiss him but he stopped her. That she said she was going to get him back after that." Max said with displeasure dripping in his tone.

Pedrad sat there in disbelief for a few seconds before shaking his head and his eyes hardening. Oh yeah….Four just went down a few degrees in his eyes.

"Andrew decided to talk to a few members of the faction and try to gather more information. What really caught his attention were some of the older members and their memories of Evelyn Eaton. Very early on in the marriage the same kind of rumors of abuse came forward and like with Tobias evidence was presented to suggest it was all because of her being unstable. The most concerning was the fact that it was reported and documented that Evelyn died in childbirth. This has turned out to not be the case. Evelyn Eaton was healthy and not pregnant, or at least not to the point of giving birth, at the time of her disappearance. Because that is what happened. She disappeared with the record of her cremation being a fake as well."

"What the hell is going on in that faction that he can just get away with this shit?" Chase asks, his eyes wide and disbelieving.

"Are you really surprised? He is the head of the government and the head of a faction that is supposed to being nothing but selfless. Of course the others in that faction would never believe someone would be capable of something like that." I point out to Chase, remembering Kat's words about the mentality of Abnegation.

I see nods around the table then Max looking to met to take over.

"This was just the beginning for Prior. Once he looked into that, it snowballed into other areas and is what brings us here today. We might not ever get justice for Evelyn Eaton because there is no way of knowing what happened to her. For all we know she could have run off of her own free will. You can also probably guess that if we tried to bring the issue forward of the records being tampered with, Marcus would weasel his way out. He would say that he is guilty of only wanting to not have caused his son distress and heartache with the knowledge that his mother abandoned their family."

More nods before I put a copied folder of what I was given in front of Chase and Zeke. "These will stay locked in your offices but for now we are going to be going over what I was able to pull with the direction these documents gave us."

On the wall with the monitors, I pulled up my laptop and began to que up the vid feeds I found. "This is going to be a long one guys. We have a shit ton of feed to go through and only the five of us."

Max grunted and sighed. "We will also need to maintain our normal work loads in addition to this but I want this to take top priority."

With that a very long and late night started for all of us. I was eager to get started.

This was it, the beginning of the end of Marcus Eaton. I just felt it.

My night still hadn't ended hours after we broke for the night. I was too wired after everything from the day. I couldn't go pull Kat from the dorm no matter how badly I wanted to. I was going to have to be even more fucking careful on top of my worries about Erudite, some unknown attacker in the compound; now I was adding Marcus Eaton and his apparently long reach too. My paranoia at her safety here in Dauntless was inching up with every second.

I knew exactly how helpless or useless Chase had felt all along because it was riding me hard. I knew as I was working the bags and myself that I would wake up tomorrow and still feel it. I just hoped I could temper it some during my training sessions with Kat.


	66. Land Of Confusion

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. There are time jumps here and it is all in Kat's POV. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 66 - Land of Confusion**

 _Time Jumps_

 _Kat_

"Chase is joining us, right?" I ask Eric with a smile to our friend as he sits across the table from us the morning after my 'reconciliation' with him.

Something I won't say in front of Eric again after the glare I got when I said it the first time this morning. He was angry already by the time I got to the dining hall and I knew it was because of whatever his meetings were about in Candor yesterday.

Chase gives me a tight smile back and nods while sipping his coffee.

"That's the plan." Eric replies without looking at me right away. He is on his tablet reading over something and scowling.

Whatever it was at Candor is bad enough that not even Zach is at the table this morning. I frown at that because I really do miss this time with all of them.

"Will Zach be able to have breakfast with us?" I ask softly while cupping my hands around own coffee.

Eric frowns one last time and types something into the phone before sighing and putting it away. He looks at me and gives a small smile. "Yeah, he'll be there. He's just getting some things set up for the day but he won't miss breakfast. He said he wants to make sure the three of us don't go crazy during training."

I give a chuckle and shake my head. "I don't think it will be that bad."

Eric just raises an eyebrow and his cup to drink but doesn't comment more on that. There is this strange tension at the table. Whatever happened has them off and it is throwing me off too. I try not to take it personally and put it aside.

I finish my coffee quickly, with Eric following suit right after. Setting aside our cups we head to the the reserved training room. The three of us do our warm ups together in silence for the first bit. When we are done Eric tells Chase and I to do what he wouldn't let me do yesterday without him there, spar with Chase.

I knew why Eric wanted me to spar with someone else but I can also tell he hates every second of it. His arms are crossed over his tank top covered chest, arms flexing and rocking back and forth slightly on his feet.

When I cast looks to him it seems to make him even more tense.

"Pay attention to what is going on in the ring, Kat." He snaps at me as Chase took advantage of my distraction and was launching an attack at me.

Fighting against Chase was a definite challenge. He had a completely different style that it was taking me some getting used to. By the time Eric called enough I was winded and felt like I had only spent the entire time trying to defend myself and never getting in any of my own attacks. I had landed a few but they felt more like lucky hits than anything planned or real.

Chase is giving me encouraging smiles and suggestions while Eric moves off to the other side of the room. I drink from some water and catch my breath. Trying to shake off the pain I am feeling. There were several hits I took that had the condition from those serums kicking into overdrive but I wasn't going to let it stop me.

I couldn't afford to.

Eric came back over to us and had his game face on. I could read the worry in his eyes though.

"We are going to start with hand to hand against an armed opponent. The goal will be to disarm and disable. You are to do _exactly_ as I say, Kat. You need to learn this quickly so we will be going right to it. I will show you the moves once and I expect you to get them the first time. Do you understand?"

I grit my teeth in determination and narrow my eyes as I give a terse nod. "Understood, sir."

Eric's fist clenches around the knife and his nostrils flare. "I am not trying to be a dick about this with you but this is serious shit, Kat. You were almost killed so I expect no attitude…"

"What are you even talking about?" I burst out and interrupt him in genuine confusion.

Chase sighs beside us and mumbles something about it already being a great start. "Eric, I don't think she was giving you attitude, or she wasn't meaning to anyways."

"Because I wasn't!" I say and roll my eyes. "Look, I know I was almost taken out or whatever else they planned to do to me. It pisses me off! I will never let that happen again. So yeah I might have let that show but can you blame me, Eric? How would you feel if someone made you feel powerless and helpless or weak?"

Eric holds my eyes and silence descends in the room. I can feel waves of tension from both of the guys before Eric casts a quick glance in Chase's direction. They give silent nods to each other before he turns back to me.

"You're right. I would fucking hate it and it would piss me off. It would make it all the more important to me to do anything to make sure it never happens again." He reaches out and cups the side of my face. "I will never let it happen again."

I realize the message behind the words, at least a little, and what is in his eyes. I might have been the person that was attacked physically but it affected more than just me. I see this now and see the hurt along with determination in Eric. I also see it in Chase before he turns to take his place in the ring.

I let out a breath and nod to Eric.

"Good. Chase and I will demonstrate the moves then do a spar with it. After that it will be all you, Kat. We will go right into the sparring."

I nod and stand back as I go into my focus to try and absorb everything I can. Their moves are fast though clear enough that I can see each one. There is a deadly beauty in watching these two. I would hate to be whoever is on the other side of them in a real fight.

When it comes to my turn I have a momentary lance of real fear at the look in Eric's stare. They are still the same blue but that is all that is recognizable in them. It is like he turned off some switch inside of him. He raises his eyebrow in amusement that never reaches them.

"Get ready because I won't go easy on you. Got it?" His tone is just as dead as his eyes.

I take a breath and get in my stance. I let myself remember the feeling I had every time I was made to feel weak. I let the taunts from my tormentors play again in my mind. I also let play the fears I had of my weakness resulting in the death or harm of my family.

I can feel the strength and drive straightening my spine with each one. There is a heat along with it that coats and seers into my senses. My chin lifts and I give him a nod.

A blue flash of pride wrapped up in feral pleasure comes at me before his body does the same.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My sweaty, grime and even blood coated workout clothes hit the floor of Eric's bathroom as I tiredly let them drop from my hand.

Today was worse than yesterday, the first session of the intensified training with Eric and Chase. That could have a lot to do with yesterday also being the second day of sims and it had been just as horrible for me as the first time.

I didn't try and knife anyone but I did get a good punch in on Four before he and Eric got me restrained back to the bed. Everything else had been the same. The same clowns in the same damn building. I still tried to fight my way through them but for every one of them I took down two more would pop up. There was no winning when I was overwhelmed by them from all sides. Once more the only reason I even got out of the sim was because I had gotten so tired that I had stopped to regroup. I automatically slowed my breathing and heart rate so I could go again but that pushed me out of the sim.

The fear itself was bad but it was my reaction to it that was the most troubling for me. All thought other than destroying my enemy left my mind. I could tell as Eric was escorting me to the dorm that he wasn't happy at what was going on with me either.

This morning it had come to a head for the both of us. It caused me to lose focus and that caused Eric to lose his already strained temper. I knew it wasn't all because of my sim and part of it was whatever was going on with his work and Candor.

It didn't matter the cause, in the end it was like a repeat of the first time we fought each other. I had cuts from the knife when I didn't move out of the way in time. I had bruising and a split lip. My body was just as much of a mess as my emotions.

I set the water to as hot as I could get it before I unbraided my hair and ran my fingers through the tangles. I heard the door open behind me and Eric step in. We didn't speak as he started to undress. His look and the slowness of his actions put out the question of if I did or didn't want him to join me.

I turned back around and stepped into the water after giving a nod to him. I hissed and closed my eyes as the water hit me, stinging in all the areas that were already sending bolts of pain through me.

I clenched my jaw and put my face under the spray. Eric had shed his clothes and stepped into the water by this time. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently turned me towards him. We still hadn't spoken and didn't speak as he pressed my head to his shoulder.

My anger had already melted before we even left the training room. I knew Zach was going to have enough for the both of us when we got back to the apartment. Chase had immediately stalked off and said he wouldn't be at breakfast that he had to meet with someone.

As predicted Zach had been livid. I had left him and Eric in the living room to have it out as I came straight to the bathroom. I think I heard the door close signaling he had left too.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and clasp them behind his neck, letting our bodies press close together. Eric relaxes into me, the taut and painfully rigid posture seeping from him slowly as we melted into each other.

He let out a long sigh as he tightened his hold on me. Like he can't bring me close enough. His face nuzzles my hair as the water still cascades but just down my back. He has us mostly out of the water.

He radiates as much heat as the scalding water but his touch is so much more comforting. At the same time I can feel my skin being stimulated by his nearness. The scrape of the hair on his body against mine. The outline of each of his defined muscles and how I can feel them tensing and relaxing against me. The twitch of his cock against my stomach.

"Don't want to hurt you more, kitten." He groans. I realize I have a leg lifting and trying to wrap around his waist and my hands are at his shoulders clawing him closer while trying to lift myself up.

"Don't care. Need you Eric." I whimpered out with the pain of need for him joining the pain in my body. "Now." The last was a hissed command but it got what I wanted.

His hands went under my arms until he was lifting me while spinning us. My back pressed against the tile and my legs wrapped around him firmly. One of his hands left my body to slide between ours. Eric looked at me as he gripped himself and guided his cock to my entrance.

I loved the way he watched me as he entered me. We haven't been having sex long so I wondered if that would go away. I hoped it wouldn't. Just like I hoped the way he entered me continued to be different every time.

This time he started slowly but when I closed around him he gave a tortured groan and slammed the rest of the way into me.

"Oh god." I gasped and let my head fall back while I grunted with every thrust of his hips.

"Kiss me baby." Eric pleaded in a rasp he panted against my neck.

That was something I was all too happy to give him. I wrapped my hands in his hair and pulled his lips to me. His tongue plunged into mine with a demanding hunger that I matched. Eric had his arms wrapped around me, one under my legs and ass to support me while the other was around my back and ending with his hand in my hair.

He tugged on it so that my mouth was wrenched away from his and I cried out the release that burst through me suddenly. He gave a rumble of pleasure against my neck and continued his movements against me. They were faster and erratic until he gave one big thrust deeply that made it feel like the breath was taken from me. Then I felt him flood me and wrapped my arms tighter around him as he trembled and groaned with his release.

He held me like that, tightly against him while we were still joined, kissing and nuzzling my neck.

"I'll never get enough of that; of you." He murmured before he pulled my mouth to his for a slow, deep kiss.

When he finally released the kiss and me, I smiled at him. "I hope not."

"I won't." He said with a shrug and then moved me back under the water. "I thought I was going crazy with how much I wanted you yesterday but couldn't do anything about it."

I nodded with a smile as I tipped my head back under the water and in thought. "You said that we will have to be even more careful now but you haven't said why, Eric."

I had switched places with him so that he could get right under the water now and reached for my soap.

He sighed as his eyes moved over the various cuts and bruises on my body. "Yeah. I know and it isn't because I don't want to or won't." Then he looks back to me and his eyes are pained before they get an edged look to them again. "Kat, you have enough to worry about right now. Sims and the extra training plus all the other shit that you are trying to sort through. You asked me to trust you that you would tell you after you get it all straight. Can you do the same for me?"

What could I say to that? No? That wasn't happening. It hurt that he couldn't tell me something and there was a part of me in the back of my mind that wondered if it was because he thought I couldn't handle it. I knew that was ridiculous and he was asking for the same thing I had demanded of him.

So I nodded and he sighed with relief. He took the soap and sponge from me then started to wash carefully over my body. Even more carefully than he normally did. He did get a smirk on his lips as he was doing this.

"What are you smirking about?" I asked with a smile tilting my lips. I loved that I could bring him to a smile even if half the time I didn't really know what he was smiling about.

He shrugged after he straightened back up from washing and massaging my legs. He leaned in and kissed my nose before he backed away with a wider smile.

"I was just thinking that was the first time we had sex in the shower. Might have to be our new thing. Especially since it doesn't look like we will get any real time alone until the end of training."

I didn't like the idea of not getting to sneak away and have time with him. I loved the thought and plan for more of what we had earlier. With my smile widening, I reached out for the sponge and soap and showed him just how much I loved the idea.

His groans and moans made me glad that Zach had left for his office as well. The shower began to fill with our combined sounds and a sucky morning got a lot better.

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"Why don't you ever seem as messed up as we do after your sims, Tris?" Christina asked as she flopped onto her bed, her complexion ashen.

She wasn't the only one that had definite signs of the strain from the sims. All around us people sat around in various states from just having their turns. Some were curled up and fighting back tears or screams, can't tell which. Other's were staring off into the distance blankly. The thing we all had in common were dark circles under our eyes that were getting deeper with each day; regardless of if we had a sim that day or not.

It was still our first week of the second stage of training and I could tell it was only going to get worse. I thought back to my conversation after dinner with Zach and Peter. Eric and Chase had been at the meal but had to leave just after.

 _I sat with my friends in the Pit but the mornings training as well as the days added training on top of it had left me drained and worried._

 _All of my friends, including Lynn, had been livid when I showed up for the day. It was clear I had gotten all of my new damage from Eric. It was also clear that a few of them looked to be bandaged cuts. There were mutterings and hissed comments all through the compound when I went through the day; about Eric and he being sadistic. What he was doing to the new initiate._

 _It pissed me off and worried me that even Lynn was being pissy about it. So I had gone with Peter and Zach walking the pit shopping areas._

" _Zach, is it always this hard for all the initiates during sims? I mean, doesn't it worry anyone that it could make someone snap?" I ask him quietly as we finally found ourselves in an out of the way part of the pit that had some kind of bar with junk food. I was picking at the fries Peter insisted we get and share. They had tons of cheese and something called chili on them._

 _Zach was sipping a beer and stealing a fry from time to time. "It has happened before. So we know it is possible. It's just part of the process." He replied with a shrug as if this is all perfectly normal and ok._

" _Really? And our faction is just ok with this? Zach...do you really believe that after going through shit like this on top of what a patrolman or soldier goes through on a day to day basis, it won't have lasting effects?"_

 _My voice had risen a little and Peter elbowed me to get me to lower it._

" _There hasn't been a study...at least not any that was published by Erudite that I am aware of. It is kind of surprising really because they study everything and anything." Zach stopped and tilted his head in thought, his eyes darkening._

 _I wonder if he was finding that as fishy as I was. Erudite came up with serum and they go through all kinds of trials before they release anything. There is no way they didn't test this serum out and know exactly what kind of long term effects it would have._

 _The question is what would they gain by allowing the faction that is charged with even their protection to become unstable mentally and emotionally?_

" _It's not against the rules to talk to each other." Zach finally says with a tone laden in meaning. He raises an eyebrow at me suggestively. "Trainers and members can't help initiates out but it wouldn't hurt to talk to each other. At the very least talking out loud about what is going on can help you guys to work it out yourselves."_

 _Peter scoffed. "Like I need to tell someone exactly what my weakness is. That would just give them the ammo to use against me!"_

 _I scowled as I looked at him but I also saw Zach give a look of agreeing with him. "See this is what is wrong with this fucking faction!" I hissed a little louder but was stopped by Zach's glare and Peter kicking me under the table. "What! I am serious. You two are my family. Every goddamn person in here is my family. While I might not like some of them or want to talk to them on a daily basis I would still lay down my life for my family...my faction. How can I protect and help you Peter if I don't know where you might need it the most? There is a saying, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, right? That is true but what is also true is that chains can become even stronger when those links reinforce those and every other link."_

 _I had tossed down my fork onto the table and had my hands clenched around the soda cup to keep from slapping and slamming them down. I was also trying to keep my volume down but I am not sure I was succeeding._

" _Think about it. If we are out on patrol and get pinned down but I know I am better at long range shooting than anyone else in my unit, wouldn't it make sense for us to work together to put me in the position to get the shot I need? Yeah we would know each other's weakness but we can turn that into our strengths. It will never happen until we get over ourselves and heads out of our asses and just do the shit."_

 _I huff and slump back in my chair. I am so damn exhausted. I know I have enough problems to deal with but I just can't help it. Why does no one else see this?_

' _Maybe they do they just don't care enough to fix it. Because this is the way it has always been so why change it?'_

" _You're right, Kat." Peter said quietly and breaking me out of my own musings. "Maybe we should talk about crap. Just don't expect me to sit around braiding someone's hair and singing some crappy song about love and kindness though."_

 _Peter snarked out the last part with a smirk and I couldn't help but laugh at the image. Zach and he shared a look as they smiled at each other._

 _I picked up my fork and jammed it into the fries, digging in and finally deciding to try and enjoy the heart attack on a plate._

" _Then you can help me get the ball rolling tomorrow. Lunch time I think." I mumble around a full mouth and swallow._

 _Peter replies by rolling his eyes after looking at me talking with a full mouth in disgust. "Oh joy."_

As I looked at Christina I put my plan into play but started out with answering her before she could start people to thinking Tris had it easy, because I knew my sister and she didn't.

"Just because she looks like she is handling it better than anyone else doesn't mean she isn't struggling just as much. Think of where we came from, Christina. We were forced day to day to forget our own troubles and try to help others. Have you not noticed that is exactly what she has been trying to do for you? You need someone to talk and vent to..she is and has always been there."

I try to keep the scorn and displeasure out of my voice. I really am trying to do better with Christina but sometimes she just puts her foot in it and makes it hard. It probably doesn't help I am ridiculously protective of my sister.

She does look down and frowns as if realizing I am right.

 _Good! Finally!_

Tris smiles at me and shrugs. "I just...I guess I think everyone has so much to deal with that I don't want to worry anyone." She gives me a look and frowns. I know she is mostly referring to me and I reach for her hand.

"I know." I smile at her then give her hand a gentle squeeze. "Maybe talking about it will help?"

Peter looks at me with a blank face then sighs wearily when I arch an eyebrow at him. "Yeah. I could be down with that. Will finally get to hear what makes you beat the shit out of Four every time you go in there."

He smirks evilly at me and I glare back at him. So much for his so called help. He just put me in the spotlight instead.

I groan and look around at all the suddenly very attentive faces looking directly at me.

Tris bites her lip and her concern etches deeply into her face.

"Clowns." I groan out finally. At first it is just a quiet under my breath one. I am looking down as I say it too so there is no way it can project.

Peter clears his throat and I hear the damn laugh in it. "Sorry. Didn't catch that... _stiff._ " He has taken to calling me the faction nickname in a way that people will think it his 'boyfriend' nickname for me.

My head snaps up and I shoot daggers at him with my eyes. "I said...it is of clowns." I gnash my teeth together and grit out each word slowly.

I want to take a knife to those two green eyes of his that are just shining with laughter while his face pulls into a mockery of a concerned frown.

The others around me are shocked until Al speaks up. "Umm...what exactly is a clown?"

I see nods and know I am in for hell. A waking nightmare. I have to describe a fucking clown! I have to describe the clown from my fear!

Panic starts to make my breathing go crazy and my body shakes. I feel like I am right back in that abandoned building and surrounded by the horrid beings coming at me. One thought comes to me and that is that I have to fight!

The last thing I remember is Peter saying something to the effect of…"Oh shit...hold her down now!"

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"Tris has really good times in her sims." I say to Eric while my back is turned to him in the shower and he is washing my hair for me.

His hands still in my hair for a split second before the resume the massaging the shampoo into my hair.

"She does." He agrees but doesn't say anything else.

I bite my lip and try to enjoy what he is doing but can't. I am too worried about my sister. Her times are troubling but also how she has withdrawn from everyone as well. She disappears more at night saying she couldn't sleep. I know that is part of it but I don't think it is all of what is going on. She has shared what her fears are of and they don't point to anything big. In fact I can see how those would be in her fear sims...loss of control.

I think my sister is divergent and it scares me that she could be at even more risk. I know Four would help her but I don't trust anyone really, besides myself, with her safety. Not even Eric if it comes down to it.

I feel the heat in my eyes that let's me know there are tears there but I thank everything that we are in the shower so maybe he won't be able to tell.

"I think she is divergent." I whisper into the hiss of the shower spray just before he starts to turn me so I can wash the soap out. When I have it all rinsed; I tilt my head back down to find him staring at me.

He reaches a hand up wipes away the water mixed with tears and frowns. "Good times don't necessarily mean that she is divergent. You see for yourself that being divergent doesn't always mean you are going to do good in the sims. I'm not divergent and I did well but I was coached on how to move through them quickly. How to manage my fear and breath through it instead of trying to solve the fear. That is what we have been trying to get you to do, Kat. Your instinct is to fight anything and everything. It is the only thing you have known, fight for survival and your family."

He holds up a hand to stop me when I again try to apologize for still not being able to tell him everything.

"I know enough to put that together. Don't apologize again." He sighs and runs a hand through his wet hair before pulling me closer. "You are right to worry if she is. All I am saying is that times aren't going to be the clear answer to whether she is or not and if I have my way then there will not be anything allowed into Dauntless that will be able to test everyone."

I sag with relief and close my eyes. "You are going to protect her?"

His hands thread through my hair and he sighs against my forehead. "For you...yeah baby I would."

I nod against his chest and place a soft kiss over his heart. I know and have known that I feel something...something big and sometimes scary, for Eric. Right now and in this moment I have a name for it...I just know I am not ready to say it out loud.

So I run my hands up his body until they reach his neck and look at him as I pull him towards me. Letting him know what I want. If he knows what I am saying with my eyes and body he doesn't vocalize it. All I know is that when I come it is at the same time as him and I hide my head in his neck as I cry silently.

I never knew it was possible to cry tears of love when you can't say the words...I love you.


	67. Never Give Up

**A/N: Things are picking up and being revealed. Hope you guys enjoy this newest installment. Also, introducing a new character that will have more time. I was inspired for the character by the actor Michael Jai White...so if you wanna get a visual on what he looks like...that is who it is.**

 **Chapter 67 - Never Give Up**

 _Eric_

Morning meetings were always a pain in my ass. Especially when they drug me away from the rapidly dwindling down time I had available to spend with Kat. Last night had been a long one. Spent with Chase...chasing down informants and leads in our investigation for getting something done about Marcus Eaton.

That meant a few night raids on factionless. We had to be even more careful than normal because Chase and I knew now there was an element that might be on the right side of the law as far as factionless could be really.

It also meant I couldn't tell Kat what was up and that isn't sitting well with me at all. I needed to find a way to keep whatever anger I had about Marcus, the factionless and this whole damn investigation out of my time or interactions with Kat.

It was fucking up the training sessions because I was using it as an outlet and she was goddamn letting me. I knew it was because she felt anger herself but also because she was choosing to see it as all part of the training.

Chase and I had been confronted by Zach last night. Kat had been upset about all the not so quiet whispering about me and what everyone was assuming I was doing to her. The three of us knew that this helped with keeping rumors of favoritism down so we would have to let it all play out.

It wasn't like they were exactly untrue. I was being downright brutal with her. Even Chase was going harder on her than I think he had been trying to at the first. Going one on one with her himself he saw what I did. She thrived on it. There was something in her that made me want to push harder and harder each time, trying to find her breaking point.

I still felt the guilt afterwards when I got a first hand look at the aftermath. That was dulled somewhat by the fact that she was getting in some serious damage of her own to both of us. Watching Chase walk away limping and a split lip had caused a me to feel like I had a cheshire cat grin on my face whenever I thought back to that memory.

There was good and bad going on for me but it felt like everything was off and I hated that feeling. I have always hated my routine being fucked with and it had been royally screwed with lately. We still did the morning coffee in the dining hall but that was all that was the same since Kat had become a regular part of our day to day routine.

Seeing as how the shower and patching up after the morning training session had also become any real alone time I had with Kat, Chase and Zach had decided it was best to leave us to that time. They would show up a bit later and we left for our day to different area. But it was all off because there was so much that we weren't talking about now.

This morning had been particularly strained after we had finally been able to track down a lead. None other than someone I had been really looking forward to having a….chat with...when I had first heard his name.

Alistair. The former Abnegation that was now even lower than the factionless. Something that I had never thought possible. It seems that he has been rejected by both sides of the factionless.

It turns out that he was kicked out of his initiation in Abnegation when it was found out he was carrying on relations with a dependent of the faction. The fact that it had also been a male dependent only a year younger was what saw him booted. He was bitter and angry and it was easy to see how it could confuse Kat so much to see how much he had changed.

Candor truth serum in one of their very secure and high clearance cells got everything we needed for a start. There were definite indications that Marcus was up to something with the factionless but so far nothing concrete on what that could be.

There are discrepancies on the supplies and it has Marcus scrambling to try and cover tracks now that Erudite can be present to observe and even help account for things. The most disturbing factor were raids and instances of supplies being stolen that weren't reported right away.

Personally what was more disturbing were the rumors and things Alistair had observed that led him to believe that Marcus either allowed or gave information out for these. It was why he believed he was really booted out of Abnegation. Something he had witnessed during his initiation time had him in a tense questioning with Marcus three nights before he was 'caught' in his compromising position.

I am thumbing through my tablet going over normal security reports when someone slides into the seat right beside me and pushes a cup of coffee towards me. I don't even look up, thinking it is just Chase.

I grab the cup and mumble my thanks when the voice of the reply has my head and eyebrow raising.

"No problem. Looked like you could use a cup."

Raze is a few years younger than Max and came up in Dauntless when things were so much different. He had resisted becoming a leader for many years from what I am told and that had driven a wedge between him and Max. I have always thought that Max saw it as Raze abandoning or turning his back on his faction.

Because of this he wasn't made Second in Command when it came time to replace Harrison; I was. Maybe it is just my paranoia but I have always felt the older man resented me for it.

So him out of the blue coming to sit beside me or offering me coffee has me puzzled.

"Raze." My greeting sounds more like a question, I am that surprised by his presence.

He tilts his head and gives me a toothy smile. One that has been known to make his opponents in the fights he frequents in the Pit almost piss themselves. It might also have something to do with him being 6'2, 215 lbs of solid sleek and deadly muscle. He might be close to Max in age but neither of them look it and you wouldn't want to piss them off either.

He might intimidate others, whether this is cocky or not, he never has me. I have been sure to stay on his neutral side though.

"Eric." He greets back with that smile still in place before taking a drink out of his cup while looking around the smaller conference room being used for today's meeting. It is extremely early and we happen to be the only people at the table. I can hear a few people milling outside in the reception area that branches off to a few of the junior leaders offices. Probably sitting around the table that has the coffee, muffins and other breakfast items available so it isn't necessary to make a trip to the dining hall.

I take a sip from my coffee and wait, putting down my tablet in the process.

Raze swallows and gives a slight grimace before looking in his cup. "I hate the shit they have up here. I usually stick to making my own and bringing it. Sometimes I get down to the dining hall and grab a cup there."

I nod in agreement about the coffee. It is shit. I think it is just the damn person that brews it up here. Maybe she spits in it...who knows. The thought makes me wrinkle my nose and put the cup on the table and move it away from me.

"Same here." I replied and saw him smirk then push his own cup away.

"Maybe I should join you sometime. I've seen you a few times at ass early in the morning in the dining hall."

He is looking at me from the side of his eyes and relaxed in his chair as if he doesn't have a care in the world.

There is something in his tone but I can't place it.

"Been my routine for years." I nod, still trying to pick up where he was going with that.

"Seems like there has been a bit of a change to that routine, at least from the rumors I was hearing. I admit I was curious and had to check it out for myself this morning."

Any emotion wipes from my face when I get exactly where he is going with this. I still don't let on though. "Not sure exactly what rumors you are talking about. There are so many to pick from when it comes to me."

I shrug and pick up my tablet, pretending to me unconcerned.

I feel his eyes on me and I turn my head slightly to look at him.

"I never was one for trying to be slick and play games so I am going to come right out and ask this. What is going on between you and the initiate? The one that was sitting at the dining hall table with you this morning. I want to know if the rumors are true."

I feel my temper rising at his tone and the gleam he has in his eyes right now. "Again...there are so many rumors. Maybe you could help me out and tell me which one exactly you are talking about."

Raze drums his fingers along the table and looks out the door again. Whatever it is he doesn't want anyone else to hear for some reason.

"There are rumors you are trying to kill the girl. Then there are other, smaller in number mind you, that you might be trying to make her a protege of some kind, to spite Four."

A little bit of amusement fills me at the fact that those two are probably the most whispered rumors going around Dauntless. Nothing at all about me and her being in a relationship.

Not sure how I fucking feel about that.

"Those are….interesting...assumptions." I reply with a twist of my lips.

"Considering I saw the condition of her myself...I can say I find some merit to them. What I find even more interesting is the training session I observed this morning just after you left the dining hall."

All traces of a smile leave me as I turn to him fully and my eyes go deadly. He smiles that toothy smile at me and his eyes spark with menace.

"Oh, I would watch how you look at me boy. Remember you might be second in command but I still have seniority on you. Anything….unfortunate... happens to Max...and it won't mean you automatically take up the helm. I hold sway in this faction when and if I want to."

"But you haven't wanted or even tried to...and that counts for something here in this faction." I reply back softly to him.

We stare at each other for a few more seconds. He is still drumming his fingers slowly on the table.

"I am going to let this slide only because what I saw peaked my interest enough. I will also give you a boon….you Erudite are all about those...aren't you?"

My fists clench on the table in the slightest and I want to curse myself for the show of how much his dig got to me.

He doesn't wait for a reply before he carries on. "It just so happens my interest was already peaked before this morning. In fact I was in that dining hall this morning because of something I overheard and observed last night."

I tried not to let any worry seep through. I am not sure what he would have heard. Chase and I were out on the raid with Zeke last night. It was classified but if Raze wanted to he could have gotten the information somehow.

"That was?" I ask slowly.

"That initiate…" He looks at me and raises an eyebrow…"Kat, I believe is her name. She seems to be pretty good friends with those two friends of yours."

I shrug in reply. "I don't dictate who Zach and Chase deign to befriend."

He gives a chuckle. "Whatever Coulter. Just so happens I was at the same bar they were at last night and heard some pretty interesting conversation."

Fuck! I was going to kill them!

I motion with my eyebrows to tell him to go on. I don't trust my voice to speak.

"Seems that little girl is a bit of a fireball. I can admit what she said had merit...so it got me interested. Enough that I want to know what the fuck you think you are doing with her in those training sessions."

I was torn in my reply. When he was speaking, there at the beginning there had been a tinge of respect or something close to admiration. It turned as hard and deadly as his eyes when he looked back to me.

"I wasn't aware you cared one way or another on the methods of training on incoming inductees. I have always been left to my own methods before."

He grunts and narrows his eyes. "We won't get into what I think about any of what you just tried to lay down. You know damn well that even for you what is going on with her is beyond the normal. I want to know why."

"The initiate has had several and continues to have instances that warrant punishment." I hold up a hand to stay him about to call me out. "You are right in assuming that isn't the only reason for them. Each incident could have seen her thrown out but...I do see something that could be a decent soldier. I can't let those things slide though." I shrug and look at my tablet again as if it should be a given what the rest of my answer is.

"So it is a little of both the rumors?" He asks finally with a slight amusement in his tone.

I smirk without looking at him. "Something like that." I reach out and take the cup of coffee again and take a small sip. "So what exactly did you hear that prompted this friendly little chat?"

Raze looks at me and gives another smile but I can tell he isn't going to answer. Instead he grabs his cup and rises. Before he moves away completely he looks at me with a smirk of his own. "I look forward to that cup of coffee tomorrow."

Then he is off with me scowling at his back at his retreat to the little waiting area.

"Fuck." I mutter under my breath angrily and then shoot off a message to Zach demanding what the fuck they had done last night.

XXX

My fist slams onto my desk as I growl out my frustration then try to breathe it out.

"I don't know why you are getting all worked up. It wasn't like it was anything big or something to set off a red flag that she's divergent." Zach replied blandly to my outburst.

"It sure as fuck drew unwanted attention to her though." I snarled out the obvious.

Zach was quiet for a few minutes as we both sat thinking. I was thinking of how to contain or do damage control on another leaders interest in Kat. Also trying to think how Kat, Peter and Zach's bar chat could be interpreted or what damage it could do if anyone else got wind of it.

"Look." Zach sighed and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Whatever comes of it we will deal with it then like we have been this entire time. I can tell you that everything she said was true but also it is a way for her to work through this shit more openly. It will help all of them."

I gritted my teeth as I tried to let my logical side cool my temper. My brother continued on seeing that his words were having their desired effect.

"Think about it this way. We have three divergents in this group and their times are pretty good. Well, Kat's will be once she gets over the need to fight every damn thing. This way having all those initiates talking about their fears with each other; it will give a reason for why they are doing so well. There are former Erudite and Dauntless born in that mix of initiates talking things out. They are going to be voicing ways to get through them that would explain how someone like Tris could be doing well."

I let out a slow breath and nodded. I still wasn't concerned with anyone else besides Kat really. If it wasn't for the fact that the other two divergents we know about are close to her, one her sister and the other a brother in all but blood; then I wouldn't be going out of my way to do anything for either of them.

It wasn't that I wanted them caught or wished harm on them. I just couldn't focus on anything _but_ Kat. Knowing this but also realizing who those two are to her, it became Chase's job to sort out how to help the other two.

"Fine." I finally grumble out. "I get and she is right. I have to say I tend to side with Peter on this." I grimaced deeply at this and Zach gave a snort of laughter after smirking. "No matter your new found fondness for the ex-Candor, I still can't bring myself to like him."

Zach shrugs but get a little red in the ears. "Maybe that's because he can be just as big of an asshole as you. Maybe it cuts a little close to home and shows you exactly how you are."

I grin widely then give him a mock pout. "Is Peter your poor man's Eric?"

Zach glared and I could see real discomfort under the playful look he shot back at me. "Sure, we can go with that."

I sigh and look at him apologetically. "Look man. I'm sorry. I just….well I mean...really? Peter? You could do _so_ much better."

He rolls his eyes back at me and laughs, the tension draining. "Nothing is happening. We are just friends."

I can't help it. I let out a real laugh that booms through my office and nod with a grin. "Yeah and that is exactly what I kept telling myself about Kat and I. Maybe you will have better luck than I did with that lie."

Now he full on blushes but changes the subject to the investigation.

It was a strange chain of events that brought someone to finally peak interest in my friend. I still couldn't really believe the turn of events that had Zach finally revealing why he had been so insistent Peter wouldn't be a threat in any kind of romantic way with Kat.

Whatever brought it about, it had actually worked out rather well.

In the case that he did step out of line in any way I could still get my end of the bargain. I now had even more reason to practice my former anatomy skills if he did anything to hurt Zach.

For my brother's sake I hoped that would never be a threat I had to carry through with because I wouldn't hesitate if it came down to him or Kat.

X X X

I sit inside my apartment with Zach and Chase. There are bottles of beer in front of all of us and Chase has footage loaded onto the vid screen on my wall. We have taken to coming here after the days sims and reviewing all the initiates but specifically Kat, Uri and Tris'.

It is in the second week of the second stage of training and most everyone has gone through more than two to three of their fears. There are a few that are still stuck on the first or second one and look like they might never get past them.

Thankfully Kat isn't one of those people.

It still pisses me off as well as amazes me that she has every ability to manipulate the sim, but she just doesn't. Like there is a part of her brain that she has unconsciously turned off to prevent her from doing just that.

Tris is the opposite. She manipulates the sim with such fluidity that it is hard to tell she has even done it.

Uri is a combination of the two girls. On some fears it is involuntary reaction and the sim changes before he gets it back on track. Other times I can tell from Chase's warnings to him and conversations with the young Pedrad, that he has worked to make sure not to change anything.

The initiates talking their fears out did seem to help those that could be helped. Attitudes were better about those that had the better times although I didn't know how long that was going to last after rankings come out tomorrow.

Even Kat had gotten some help with her clown phobia from an offhanded suggestion by Will at lunch one day. It was playfully suggested maybe she just needed to go find a real life clown to get beating it to death out of her system. Will had suggested that maybe more exposure outside of the fear sims could help her to get over it.

Exposure therapy. I recognized it as one of the therapy treatments used in Erudite to help overcome a number of things. A more sinister use of it was exposing research or lab assistants to experiments that bordered on torture to build up their resistance for compassion or any kind of feelings of it being wrong.

Kat had taken it to heart and the run of theatre visits to view clown movie after clown movie began. Tonight she was at another one of them even though she had already passed the fear with the clown in it and moved on. She was on her third fear as of today.

Normally one of us would be there to make sure she didn't freak out like the first few times she even tried to talk about it. Tonight we had this and other plans.

"You think she will be ok with just her friends?" Zach asked with a frown as we had moved on to watch Kat's sim runs.

She was still fighting those fucking clowns. Still being ejected from the fear after slowing her breathing and heart rate in reflex of battle. The simulation programming is set up that after so many successful attempts to regulate those two bodies reactions; it will move the subject on. Kat has insisted that was cheating because she wasn't doing it on purpose.

I nod in answer with a frown as I watch the sim change from her clowns to one of the same building. In this one bindings of some kind shooting from the ground in all directions and pinning her to the ground. The first time she went through this one she had tried and struggled to fight before it kicked her out. It still takes her a little bit to fight her own instinct so she can calm her body down and move on.

Her third fear is almost identical to one of her sisters but is a fairly common one for everyone. In some shape of form most everyone has a fear sim that has them in a body of water and in danger of drowning. This is the one that Kat has even admitted she doesn't know if she can get through because the way to get out is to give up. To let go of control and go under.

This morning after she had confronted me about her fear that Tris is divergent she had also told me she was afraid she would never get past this fear. I had told her the truth, that I had almost the same problem.

In one of my fears I had been under ice with no way to get out. I couldn't break through and I knew the only way to get out of that sim was so swim away from the ice knowing I was going to die. She already knew that I had been coached on how to get through my sims by just concentrating on regulating my breathing and to slow my heart rate. Even with that it hadn't been easy to just not do anything.

"Zeke will be there along with his brother, Lynn, Mar and of course Peter. Even I have to admit that Peter has been pretty helpful in trying to keep Kat calm during all of this."

I can see from the corner of my eye that Zach gives a small smug smile while I toss a glare at Chase. He just shrugs and goes back to watching the sims with me.

"If what we find out is true...are you going to tell Kat?" Chase asks softly after we had been watching footage of a different kind.

Some of it was live feed and some of it was old feed.

My hand tightened around the bottle of beer I was tipping up and drinking from. They were both looking at me until I drained the bottle in one go and it slammed it back down on the coffee table.

"No." I ground out.

I heard both of them sigh loudly and I can tell they aren't happy with my answer.

"All these fucking secrets. We said we would never do that." Zach started to complain.

"You think I don't fucking know that! You think I don't feel like shit having to keep all this from Kat? Knowing how she is going to react when it does all come out? You guys aren't the one that it is going to come down on and I accept that responsibility. It is my call because it is needed. She needs to focus and not worry about any of that other shit."

"That's true but this has nothing to do with divergence or the investigation. She has a right to know about her sister and Four." Chase offers and I snap.

I pop up and throw the empty bottle across the room and let out a yell.

"Shit." Zach exclaims at the shatter and spray of glass everywhere.

"Dammit Eric. Calm down." Chase jumps up and comes over with his hands raised as I whirl around on him.

Calm down! Calm down! I wish I could but I can't even explain why Four being with Tris pisses me off so much. There is this...unsettled...worried...feeling inside of me and things keep running through my mind. They have been from the first suggestion by Chase that Kat's sister and Four might be growing closer or are together.

"Talk to us, Eric." Zach the resident and unofficial therapist of our group coaxes me. "We can't help do what needs to be done unless we know what's going on."

"I don't even know what's going on. All I know is I just can't tell her. If I have my way I will find something to stop this shit now." I rant while pacing.

"Why? I am trying to understand why them being together is such a big deal."

Chase looks to me and then I see something in his eyes. Something is clicking for him. He frowns and folds his arms over his chest. "Because you think when she finds out, she will think she chose the wrong person. That knowing she is or has lost him will cause her to try to be with him or regret that she is with you."

His words, the truth of them, hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel the wind knocked out of me and I bend over a little to hold onto my knees.

Fuck this feeling sucks beyond belief. The hurt I feel just at the thought of losing her at all much less to him. The thought that what I knew all along is right. That there is no way she could really fucking want me.

"Fuck." I yell and look at the bottle of water being held out to me. I was so thrown off I had actually been fighting off throwing up. I reached out without looking at who was giving it to me and ripped open the lid before chugging some back.

There was a pressure in my chest that also had my breathing all off.

"Fucking perfect. Having a goddamn panic attack." I mutter out loud and go throw myself back on the couch.

I close my eyes and slow my breathing. I know they are still there but they aren't saying much. Damn what they must think of me right now.

I brace myself and look back to them. Understanding is all I see but especially from Chase.

"You know that would never be the case. Even if there had never been anything between you two I can tell you that it would never have happened with them." Zach says with complete certainty.

"I wish I could believe that. I want to believe that. My mind plays on all they shared and how long they knew each other. If he hadn't done what he did to her…"

"But he did, Eric. There is no changing what he did so don't even go there. She is here and wants you now. That's what matters. I don't see that she is going to react well but only because I think she will be hurt about her sister and Four not being open with her." That seemed to be Zach's final word on it because he looked away and let me compose myself.

This was the danger of letting someone in and tying so much of yourself to them. In letting emotions take hold of you at all and giving anyone any kind of control over yourself.

We sit in the dark and quiet of my apartment and watch the monitors. When we see what we all expected to see, confirmation that the two ex-abnegation are involved, I know I am at some kind of cross roads.

I can embrace all this bullshit and bad that comes along with letting someone in; or I can turn my back on all of it again. I can harden myself and turn it all off so that I never risk getting hurt. Being destroyed completely. I don't really fear much. I don't fear dying but I do fear not dying well. When it comes to Kat it seems like there are nothing but fears plaguing me.

Almost eight years I have been in this faction and I never really had to embrace my fears, not until this moment.

I lean my head back and watch as Chase cycles through the cameras in the compound until he stops on one that focuses on who I need to see the most at this moment.

Kat is in the Pit with her friends; laughing and smiling at whatever Zeke and Uriah are going on about. Leaning forward slowly I release a pent up breath of frustration.

What was I thinking. There is no way I am walking away from this or from her. Not only would it be cowardly as fuck and giving up; something there is no chance in hell I would do. It also wouldn't matter, she's in me too deep.

She's in my veins, the air in my lungs...all that poetic bullshit. She's it. I fucking love this girl and there is no way I am running away from that.


	68. Not So Misty Water Colored Memories

**A/N: Another chapter! Just wanted to say thank you to DYK for helping me with editing this when my eyes seemed to be crossing from exhaustion!**

 **Chapter 68 - Not So Misty Water Colored Memories**

 _Kat_

Laughter fills me as I sit beside Lynn and Mar with Zeke and Uri standing in front of us being their normal chaotic and goofy selves. The last clown movie I had subjected myself to and my friends along with me, had been a horrible one.

I made the mistake of telling Alex, the guy that runs the theater and sets up the movies from the archives, to find as many clown movies as possible. To make matters worse I asked him to find ones that you wouldn't think it would obviously have clowns. So that they would be sprung on me at anytime and I wouldn't have time to prepare in advance.

The guy had done his job with a gleeful zeal that was both impressive and frightening. It had all of us jumping in our seats before the end of it. I think I might have caused a few of them to have fears of clowns that weren't there before.

Peter had gone off to get us all beers after that and the Pedrad's were entertaining us until then.

"There he is. Finally. You get lost Hayes!" Lynn taunts Peter as he approaches with the beers.

Peter shakes his head and gives me a look. "I had a hard time convincing the bartender to give me the damn things."

He distributed the drinks to everyone until he got to me then he leaned in closer and whispered to me. "Apparently all the bartenders in Dauntless were warned they better get approval from a certain leader for any initiate to be served. Guess who was on the _hell no_ list of initiate names."

I rolled my eyes and took the beer he handed to me.

"Luckily someone else answered his phone and gave the ok when they told him it was me." Peter's smirk was a mile wide when he said this causing me to shake my head and almost choke on the sip of beer I had just taken. I had no intentions of getting drunk but I didn't mind having at least one drink tonight with my friends.

Conversation moved all over the place between us; with the subject being carefully steered away from sims and clowns. I was more than ok with this tonight. I felt like I was beating a dead horse lately.

"I still can't believe you shut Molly down so hard core. The way you handled that was pretty savage." Peter said after Lynn had brought up the confrontation that happened just before dinner with his former friend.

"Wait, what happened?" Zeke asked looking between all of us as he hadn't been in the dorm when it happened.

Lynn got a fierce look of glee in her eye and took up the tale. "We were all sitting in the transfer dorm just kind of decompressing. Tris and Kat had gone for a walk and were talking so they missed Molly strutting into the dorm. When she gets in she starts loudly talking about how Erudite had just released this report about important things and how we should all hear what it says."

Zeke snorts and shakes his head. "As if we should believe anything that faction of gas bags says."

"Exactly." Is chorused between the group, causing laughter.

"So what did this oh so important report have to say?" Zeke asked, lifting his bottle of beer and drinking from it.

"It was basically an attack on Abnegation. Saying that there was this mass exodus from Abnegation. Alluding to rumors of mistreatment or outright abuse being the cause for all of the people leaving. Questioning why they should be in charge of the government if their own children didn't believe in them and were fleeing." I replied with a sneer.

I am pretty sure that Zeke knows about Four and his past, what happened to him. So he would get why I pointedly said that they implied it for _all_ of the dependent that had left over the years.

"Yeah she was reading it off and just gloating and making pointed eyes at Tris and Kat when they finally did walk in. As soon as she saw them she started in on the quotes that were given to the reporter about Kat having nightmares. Never mind that they all came from her and her crony or one anonymous one. Making up that she was yelling in her sleep for her dad to stop….basically implying that sick shit happened to her." Lynn snarled out in anger.

Zeke cast careful eyes over at me and I couldn't read his expression other than he went suddenly serious. "Really? So how did you handle that Kat?"

"Oh she basically laughed in her face." Peter said with a big smile.

He had gotten a huge kick seeing Molly put in her place. My friends nodded and Uri was smiling at me too. Then started relaying what had happened.

"Yeah. I could tell Tris was about to lose it but Kat and her were whispering for a second before they just started talking like there was nothing going on. This pissed Molly off because she wanted to get some kind of reaction out of them. She called Tris and Kat out and asked what their daddy had done to them, shit like that. Anyways, Kat just starts laughing at her which made her even angrier. She asked Kat what was so funny."

"Kat just shrugged and said; 'Obviously I'm laughing at you. You must think we are all stupid with this stunt you are pulling. You are ranked last and doing shit at sims but you can't be bothered to step up and do the work to do better. You have to pull the move of a coward and even get Erudite to do your dirty work. That is all this is about, you trying to get your fifteen minutes of fame here to try and make you seem like you are a Dauntless. Except it's just empty words and acts of cowardice. A true Dauntless would know that the people in this faction aren't going to be fooled by that. You put up or shut up."

Lynn burst out to take over from Uri. "You should have seen it, there were mutterings of agreeing and even cheering. It was like they had just seen the best fight in the Pit happen right in the dorm. I knew it wasn't over though. I know Kat and she was going to go for a few good hits with someone was attacking her family like that. She was going for the K.O. She got that when she turned back to Molly after Tris said something about it was funny she chose to give that interview to an Erudite after she found out how low she was ranked after first stage."

Zeke yelled, 'go Trissy' to the Pit even though she was nowhere near at the moment. "Was that it?"

Lynn shook her head while she finished her beer. "Hardly. She looks back to Molly and continued on, all calm and sweet sounding. 'Everyone here saw my parents come to Dauntless on visiting day. You really think someone that is what the report is implying he is, would go to show their support of their kids? The reporter even said that my dad was supposedly full of rage and had disowned us. Was that what you guys saw that day?' Then she had shrugged and started to turn back to Tris until she stopped and looked over her shoulder and tilted her head. She said…'By the way, I don't remember seeing your parents at visiting day. Wonder what that could mean?' Then she straight up grabbed Tris and walked out of the dorm. It was cold as hell. You should have seen Molly just deflate and wilt. She got a look at all of the others looking at her like she was nothing before walking away too." Lynn was almost pumping her fist in the air at the end of her tale.

Zeke gave a laugh and then high fived me. I returned it but inside I wasn't feeling very happy. It just added to my worry.

"I don't think she'll be bothering you two again." Peter said quietly as he nudged me in the side with his elbow. "You aren't feeling all bad over what you said are you?"

I shrugged as I took another small sip of the beer. "I mean I know it needed to be done. I just...didn't like doing it."

Peter nods quietly and looks at his beer bottle. "I never could stand up to any of them when I was in Candor. I just went along with it."

"I am sure that if you asked there would be more than just you and I that had to act a certain way to just survive their old factions."

"That's a pretty fucked up way to live." Peter agreed and I could only nod as I completely agreed with that.

I try not to dwell to much on that issue. As Eric said I have enough to get through and I don't need to borrow trouble.

Rankings come out in the morning and I know I am not where I could be. It has me so worried about what my ranking will be now even though Lynn was telling me she doesn't think there is anyway I could have dropped that much.

I can only worry about what is right in front of me now. There was one thing that I could address, even if it and she wasn't right in front of me. I had given Four more than enough time to tell Tris about himself. I would be having words with him to find out if he kept his promise.

I tipped the beer back and joined in the conversation with my friends, a smile on my lips at the Pedrad antics. It could wait for tomorrow.

X X X Page Break X X X

"Wanna do some knife throwing?" Eric asks me with a grin from across the training room.

I wipe the frown and narrowed eyes from my face and nod with a smile even though I have worry bubbling inside of me.

There is something off with Eric this morning. The entire morning has been off.

The only people not acting off so far are Peter and a new addition to morning coffee, Raze. Raze was the same as ever. He had moments of intensity as he brought up some subject to the group. The first time he plopped himself down at the table Eric, Chase and Zach had been so tense I had honestly worried if there was going to be some kind of altercation. I think Raze knew this and it amused the hell out of him. If that is what his wide grin that had him showing a lot of teeth meant.

Then he had pulled out this large thermos and turned his nose up at the coffee in our cups, ordering us all to 'dump the piss in those cups', before he poured out his own brew.

He had my heart at the first sip.

Something I should have thought about before uttering. Eric did _not_ take kindly to that. The shower that morning after training had been extra intense. Though...if that was how I could expect Eric to show his displeasure at something...

Whatever worries or tension the addition of the older leader were at the beginning seemed to lessen considerably. I started to feel that there was something else brewing for my guys but I couldn't place it. It was almost like they had reached a decision of some kind in regards to Raze. It had to be a good one because I couldn't see that Eric would stand for keeping someone's company if he didn't really want to. No matter who that other person was.

I like Raze and usually have a good talk with him in those mornings. I just couldn't enjoy it after picking up on whatever was wrong with the others. It wasn't that Eric was acting like he had been since whatever trouble with Candor had started.

In fact that was the problem. He had practically become a fucking teddy bear.

It was like he was going out of his way to not show any kind of anger or frustration. Normally he would get a good workout with me in our morning training session and I could see a little bit of that anger or tension easing for him during it.

Today he had all but canceled training. That is what it felt like to me.

Chase isn't even here for it like he has been since the sessions resumed. We have warmed up like normal but that is about all. Now he is going to knife throwing? Granted it is one of my favorite activities but that's kind of the point.

That is reserved for our fun time. What we both figured out we considered a date kind of activity. Activities that are not to be done during the morning sessions where we both considered it work and important.

I don't say anything to him as he walks to the area set up for the knives and unrolls his own personal set. I follow along and stand beside him. I reach for one of the knives laid out on the cloth but he stops me by pushing my hand away and shaking his head.

I am frowning when he chuckles a little. It has a nervous tone to it. "I thought we could have a little competition. You know, throwing against each other at the same time."

I tilt my head and shrug with a smile. "Ok. That could be fun."

He grins back at me and nods.

"Well then here you go." He said as he reached into his bag and pulled out another rolled up cloth of what I am sure had knives in it like his. This one was clearly not his. Where his is black this one is a combination of light grey with a dark blue border.

I hold it tentatively and look to him with a frown on my face that he doesn't see because he has already turned away from me and is pulling knives from the one on the table.

"You need your own knives if we are going to be going head to head." He supplies, still not looking at me.

Realization dawns on me and my entire body warms as a smile spreads across my face.

Eric has just given me a gift. Not only a gift...but this. Knives!

I try not to squeal so I let it go inside my head. Obviously this isn't something he wants a big deal to be made of so I do an internal celebration as I giddily open the cloth on the table beside him.

I can't wipe the smile from my face and it seems to get even bigger when I take in the knives strapped in place. They are perfect. Exactly like his own and all extremely well made. More than I could even think about affording I am sure. I run my fingers over them reverently and look to Eric when he shuffles around beside me. He looked nervous still until he saw the smile on my face. It was then I saw the tension start to leave the set of his shoulders.

"Obviously I will need to hold onto those until initiation is over." He is smiling that side smile at me.

I nod and try to reply as evenly as possible. "Of course." He goes to turn back but I can't not thank him. So I quickly reach out and touch his arm and wait till he is looking at me. "Thank you." I say quietly.

I want to launch myself at him but can't. Not since he told me that there have been people observing the training sessions we have been having.

He gives me that smile I love before he shrugs and clears his throat. "Right. So, shall we get started?"

I let go of his arm but know there is no way he missed the flash of promise in my eyes. We still had later and I planned on showing him just how much I loved his gift.

X X X Page Break X X X

"There is no way we are going to make breakfast in the dining hall." I say with a sigh from my place sprawled across Eric's chest.

We never even made it to the bedroom after we got in the door. That had been all Eric too. The door clicked and then he pounced. He has been passionate before but this was something else.

Now I know we still need to get showered and I need to hurry my butt down to the training room. Luckily since we didn't do any sparring I don't have any patching up to do. So that will save me some time.

"I didn't hear you complaining earlier. In fact you were the one that started that last bit, I was happy to take it to the shower." He smirked up at me after I had raised my head and was propped up on his chest. "Would have taken care of all of our needs at the same time."

I roll my eyes and lay my head back on his chest, tracing patterns into his skin. I am trying to motivate myself to move from the position I am in, but am failing. Especially when he starts to card his hands through my hair.

"Hey Kat…" his tone alerts me to something being up, a mood change. I lift my head to look at him again. His eyes are intense and serious.

"Yeah?"

He is quiet then he shakes his head and sighs. "Never mind."

I frown and stifle a spike of temper. The moods and tension over the last almost two weeks surges in me and I can't stand it anymore.

I push off him and get to my knees beside him. "Ok. I have been about as quiet as I can. What is going on? Something is wrong and I have tried to be patient, let you be ready to talk. I just can't anymore. It is worrying the hell out of me and if I don't get answers I might just explode on someone or something." I throw my hands up in frustration and let them slap back onto my bare thighs.

Eric sits up and pulls me closer to him, running a hand through my hair. "I know and believe me the last thing I am wanting right now is to give you anything else to worry about."

"So don't. Just tell me because the not knowing is a hell of a lot worse than just getting it out there." I huff out and lean my forehead on his shoulder so that I am not looking at him.

I feel a sudden worry that I can't describe but it all goes back to my insecurities. He trails his fingers up and down my spine slowly. I think he is never going to speak up and is just going to keep using his touch as a distraction. He knows my spine is a particularly sensitive spot when I am not in the middle of a pain snap.

"Training is almost over." He says simply.

"Yeah." I agree and pull back so I can be clear headed but also so I can see his face.

I am glad I did because it is wiped clear of anything. Meaning he is hiding behind that wall he puts up when he is trying to not hurt me or upset me.

"The next couple of weeks are going to be really busy for not only you but me too. More meetings and preparations for everything that comes with the end of training. Not to mention that I will have all my regular things to do as a leader."

I frown and nod, trying to figure out where he is going with this. "I figured it would be harder to see each other now that everything's coming to an end."

A tiny bit of emotion leaks through as his forehead wrinkles but his tone is even colder than before. "You don't sound too upset about that."

I pause at this because I know I was trying to not let my dislike of that part come through. I didn't want to seem like I wasn't aware of his position and expected him to make exceptions for me. I am not sure what he is taking that to mean though.

"I don't care for it, Eric. How could you think I would be ok with that when I hate that we have so little time now? I can't wait for training to be over so we will be able go back to spending time together. At the same time I have no clue what is in store for me after training but I do know you will have all your normal things to do. I am trying to just take what I have with you now and not add to the worries, like you are always lecturing me about."

The coldness breaks and his face softens as he smiles slightly. "This is killing me too, having to sneak around and never really having any real time together."

I nod and lean into his hand when he moves to cup the side of my face. "We knew it was going to be hard, right?"

Now he nods and pulls me back towards him so that we are facing each other but in a sitting position. His forehead rests on mine and he sighs. "I wanted to ask you about the end of training. The night they announce rankings there is this big party. Usually everyone gets drunk and parties until they literally drop wherever they are. You won't be expected back in the dorm to sleep after that night really…." He pauses and pulls back to look at me "...so I was wondering if you wanted to skip that and maybe...stay here with me instead?"

A smile spreads across my face and I laugh a little. "I may have to make an appearance for Lynn, Tris, Mar and Uri…" I lean in and kiss him softly before answering "...but yes I would love to."

"Yeah?" He asks with a grin. When he smiles like this he looks so much younger and lighter. I could never deny him anything with that damn smile.

"Absolutely." I manage to get out just before he grabs me by the waist and pulls me onto his lap.

My earlier statement of missing breakfast proves 100% true. I barely have time to run to the dining hall and grab a muffin after a hurried shower and getting dressed.

That was where Lynn found me. I had a mouth full of one muffin and each hand full with either muffin or coffee. She laughed when she saw me trying to gulp coffee through the mouthful of food I had.

"You're late." She smirked at me as she snatched the untouched food in my other hand.

I wanted to snarl at her but my mouth was full and I almost choked on what I had going on already. When I finally swallowed, I put the empty coffee cup down and followed her out of the dining hall door. I managed to grab me another muffin.

"'S not even 0800 yet. I still have ten minutes." I manage to get out after once again stuffing my face.

"Yeah...and that is late for you." She narrows her eyes and looks over to me while we walk.

"What?" I ask after she had been looking at me for a more than a few seconds.

"You look way less banged up than you have been looking lately. Usually you show up with a whole bunch of fresh bruises going on." She shrugs as she says it.

"I thought you would be happy about that." I say with more bite than I meant to.

She sighs and looks away. "I told you before that it was just a shock. I get it now that you explained it but still...I just...it sucks Kat." She practically yells the last part.

"What sucks?"

"I get how you felt and feel about Tris now. You know she can handle herself but at the same time you hate not being able to keep her from getting hurt at all. I know you can handle yourself and this is all making you stronger but I fucking hate seeing you walk in after every morning looking like he just spent a couple of hours beating the shit out of you. I feel helpless and that pisses me off. Especially since sims started and I…."

She trails off and there is such pain in her voice that I reach out and stop her. "Lynn….did you have a sim about one of us?"

She looks away but nods. "A sim of you….you and Eric. He was….he…"

I close my eyes and let out a big breath. "You had a sim that he killed me?"

"It was fucking awful. He made me watch too. I don't know that I can look at him right now, Kat. It was that bad. It was like he was some kind of monster. It wasn't even fast...he tortured you. You were begging him to stop and asking him why he was doing that to you…." She choked back a sob and I moved to hug her.

Her arms closed around me tightly and I felt her sniffle. "He said it was because I had to learn and that it was all my fault."

"I wish I could say something to just make it better for you, Lynn. Believe me I wish that words would help. I know they can't because I am going through the same thing you are. We have each other right now and I will never think you weak or think less of you because of what you see or experience there. What those simulations find in our minds is beyond our control. We aren't machines so of course we are going to react emotionally. I guess that is the whole point of this isn't it? To test us and how we are going to handle things when it gets rough. I am glad I have you guys to talk to because us together, our family, it makes me stronger."

She nods into the hug before pulling away and swiping her arm across her face. "Chase said the same thing. Then he told me something that I am supposed to keep to myself." She shrugs with a smirk. "Basically he said that it would never become a reality. He would make sure of it."

I nod while blushing a little. "He's a really good friend."

She cocks her head to the side with a puzzling expression but doesn't say anything back. "So tell me what did happen in today's training. You are practically glowing."

Her smug grin and knowing tone have me turning red. We continue on to the training room and she laughs but lets me slide by not answering right away. Most all of the Dauntless born are already spread out all around the training room.

Tris is over in the knife section already going at it with Christina by her side. I start out for over their but Lynn pulls me over to mats with sparring pads work with her. She gives me a look with a shake of her head and smile. Knives aren't exactly a challenge for either of us. My friend can be just as much of slave driver as the instructors are.

With a roll of my eyes and laugh I follow along.

Days like today are self paced. It doesn't really matter what the initiates do as long as they are doing something. If anyone looks like they are goofing off, one of the trainers will call them out and have them pair with someone in a spar they will personally watch.

After the first few times of this, people caught on and kept themselves busy. Now Chase, Lauren, Four and Eric when he is there; will randomly call on people. I think it is mainly because they are bored as hell but they say it is to keep us sharp.

I am holding the sparring pads while Lynn is going through her forms. We switch off every once in while as we work on certain moves.

"So you guys didn't do training?" She asks after I told her a little about the morning.

I shake my head. "I mean we did but just not with the normal sparring or fights." She lands a few heavy blows so I have to put effort into holding my position and from being knocked back. "We went against each other in knife throwing."

She stopped to switch with me and raised an eyebrow at my cat like grin. "You win or something?"

I shrug and grin wider as I take my place. "Yeah a few times but that wasn't the cool thing."

She makes a motion with her hand to tell me to go on.

I look around and do a bit of a happy bounce that I wanted to do just after he gave me the knife set. "He gave me my own knives. Like a really nice set in their own set up like he has."

Her jaw drops for a second before she snaps out of it. "He gave you knives? So like…." She looks back around and then to me and lowers her voice. "I mean how exactly did that go down? I can't see him trying to be all romantic or sappy. I don't imagine he was like Zeke is when he tries to give Shauna something as a gift. Which by the way...he always messes up."

I shrug and laugh at the image of what Zeke would think is a good gift for anyone much less his girl. "I don't know...he didn't make a big deal of it. He just said I needed my own set and gave them to me. I had to give them back after but he said once initiation is done I can have them again."

Lauren is walking closer with a frown on her face as she sees us doing nothing so I start to do my punches on the gloves. I might also have been imagining it was her face after what Eric told me about them.

"Damn." Lynn said at both the amount of force I am putting in my hits but also what I just told her. "Coulter did good." She says with a panted chuckle.

I finished my set and smiled again, waggling my eyebrows playfully. "Oh you have no idea."

Lynn wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Yeah, I don't need those images."

X X X Page Break X X X

The training day continued without much time for conversation. Lauren had put me in a spar match after she yelled at Lynn for allowing 'the little stiff' to distract her from her training. She had said it with such a sneer and insult that I had been all to happy to show her just what this stiff is capable of.

When she put me with a huge Dauntless born I saw Four was going to protest. My glare went ignored as Lauren and Four got into a disagreement.

I had just walked to the ring and motioned for the guy to follow. Crane and I had little interaction here and there. He was quiet but not unfriendly. Lynn said he just didn't like to talk much. He had been made fun of in school by some Erudite because he was slow when reading. He beat their asses for it after school that day but from that time on he refused to read in classes and barely spoke.

Crane looked like he was torn in genuinely wanting to spar with me and listening to the trainers. The debate and his hesitation was solved by Chase calling out for us to begin. It was a good match. I can't say that I beat him easily but because of all the extra training I had a much easier time of it than maybe I would have before all that. It wasn't a full out fight either so that probably helped. The guy is _huge_. One well placed hit would have been all it took to bring my tiny butt down.

Lauren had looked like she swallowed something sour at my performance. I tried not to gloat. I am sure I failed. I am also sure for once I didn't give a shit.

We were dismissed for lunch shortly after and I was grateful. Those muffins did nothing to really tide me over. I descended on lunch happily.

Because rankings were being posted a bit after lunch none of the leaders or trainers were there. I sat with the normal group with all there but those people involved in training. Tris was picking at her food while I had no such issues.

"What's up?" I ask her quietly as I finished chewing my bite of chicken.

She looks up at me for a second before she shrugs. "Just a lot on my mind with training and all."

I nod to her and push food around on my plate in thought. "You know you can talk to me right? About anything." I know my tone is hopeful but I hope it doesn't do the opposite and make her feel pressured. She hates that.

She nods but doesn't respond. I feel hurt about that and stab at a piece of pasta. She sighs and grabs her tray, standing up. "I'm going to go. I'll see you guys in the training room for the rankings."

Our friends watched her leave with frowns. "What's up with her?" Uri asked.

I shrugged in answer and make sure my tone isn't allowing my hurt to come through. "Probably the same as all of us. Worried about sims and our rankings."

I was torn between hoping between hope that was all she was upset about and wanting it to be more. For Four to have come clean about everything so I could actually talk to her about things. To just hash it all out with her. I knew I had given him a time limit for at least telling her who he is but I wasn't sure if he had followed through with any of it. I needed to find Four and talk to him.

The amount of secrets, lies or just evasions kept piling up and it was weighing me down. Something I knew I couldn't afford in a time like now. Something or someone was going to break soon. I just knew it.

It took some time for the rankings to come in so we were given the afternoon to do whatever we wanted. I had no real plans but needed time to think. I realize since I came here I haven't really been alone. So I made excuses and waited for Peter to be busy before I snuck away. Lynn had helped in distracting him when she saw my intention.

I had passed by the tattoo parlor to speak with Bud about a tattoo. When I was just about to enter I saw Tori and Tris coming out of the back area. Tris looked upset and pale as she hurried away. I added that to my list of things I wanted to know about but turned around and walked away.

Suddenly being alone wasn't feeling too good.

I don't know where I meant to go but my feet took me to a source of comfort and before I knew it I was standing outside of his office. I knocked once and waited. I could hear the voices that were inside stop and the door swung open.

Zach gave me a strained smile when he saw it was me and tried to not open the door anymore but it was too late. I caught a glimpse of the person on the visitor side of his desk. My father.

"Kat, is everything ok?" Zach asks with a frown at the look on my face.

"Um...yeah. I was just...the rankings haven't been posted yet. I ended up here when walking around."

My father had turned to look at me and there was strain in his eyes as well. "It's ok, Zach. We already knew we were going to have to let her know."

With a sigh Zach opens the door. "Come on in, princess." He says softly enough for only me to hear and motions me in.

I step in with my frown deepening and worry making my knees shake. Inside I find another man sitting in the other visitor chair. I remember from Council meetings that he is from Candor and is named Jack Kang. I think he is that faction's main leader.

"This is your daughter?" Jack asks, looking towards my father with a warm smile.

My dad nods back and this time the smile to me isn't strained but warm and genuine. "Yes. Kat this is Jack Kang from Candor."

"Hello." I return the greeting and take a seat in the chair Zach directed me to. "What's going on dad?"

The small amount of geniality drained from all three of them. They went to a look I know well now. The looks of leaders and getting down to business.

"Kat Prior, it is my understanding you have information in regards to the illegal activities and abuse perpetrated by one Marcus Eaton." Jack Kang intones. I wonder if the sound of a gavel is as heavy sounding as those words he just spoke.

It sounds as if some kind of sentence was just pronounced with a boom that only I can hear.

I don't know what it is that happening to me...but it feels like the walls just suddenly closed in on me. A panic starts to rise in me and I look to Zach, feeling betrayal stinging in my eyes.

I had trusted him and he betrayed me. I had only ever told him anything that would hint at that and other things that outright spoke of the abuse. The one person I ever confided in and he betrayed me.

He wouldn't meet my eyes back and was focusing on his desk in front of him. My attention is jerked back to the matter at hand when I pick up on the words Jack had continued on speaking.

"The matter was first brought to our attention when your father expressed concern after encountering not only you but the former Tobias Eaton on visiting day. It wasn't enough to warrant an investigation into Marcus at the time…"

"Of course." I mutter angrily at the temper that flooded me at what I knew would happen if it every came out. He would get away with everything.

Jack kept speaking as if I hadn't interrupted him and I felt guilt at the look of shame in my father's expression. "However Andrew knew this and also had enough suspicions to continue to look into a few other faction matters. Combined it was what led to a full investigation."

Zach was looking at me and spoke finally. "It was also what led us to investigate any other cases of abuse that might have occurred, or at the very least abuse of power. During the investigation there were several inconsistencies that were found by the team as well as Jack himself during questioning of a few factionless that were pulled in. One of them expressed knowledge of a few incidents where they were instructed to harass a dependent. It was said they were given a free hand on whatever methods used. You were that named dependent Kat. By the witness brought in as of last night that makes two having had your name and being instructed by Marcus himself to inflict harm on you and anyone with you."

There is a sound of crunching or something breaking that I realize is coming from the stapler in Zach's hand. My friend is working hard to contain his anger. That was more than I had gotten around to telling him. No one knows of those incidents; not even Evelyn and Amar.

"Kat." My father speaks from beside me as his hand covers mine gently. "You need to tell us everything you know about Marcus now." It isn't as forceful of a command as say from Eric but the command is still there.

I knew I wouldn't be leaving this room without giving them some answers. From the look in Jack Kang's eyes I wouldn't put it past him to try and use truth serum to get them. I wasn't willing to test if I was resistant to that particular serum. I gulped and let out a slow breath then looked up with a nod.

"Ok. Where should I start?" I try to not let my voice shake. I say it to the room but I am looking straight at Zach for advice.

I see the answer in his eyes and close mine for a second before I open them again and raise my chin.

"Ok then. It began with the day I was shot. I thought it was just because of my confrontation later on with Marcus about my disagreement when Dauntless was pulled out of the Abnegation and factionless sectors; but I was wrong. It began so much sooner than that for him. I was already on his radar. Everything was set into motion on that day when Marcus sent the factionless men that attacked my sister and I. He needed to get the vote changed and knew the injury or death of the only hold out voter's children would see him get his way."

I never imagined the explosion this would have gotten but I should have expected it. I just didn't expect it to be coming from the placid and gentle man next to me.


	69. Ties That Bind

**A/N: Here is a big chapter. Lots to cover but all important. Hope you guys enjoy. Also...Thanks DYK for help naming this chapter...Never...Naming...Chapters...Again...lol.**

 **Disclaimer: I own naught but my own plot!**

 **Chapter 69 - Ties That Bind**

 _Kat_

Sleep is nowhere in sight as I lay in bed the night of my dad's appearance at Dauntless. The look in his eyes haunts me. He looked like a broken man, a man who thought he had failed in the most important duty of his life.

I will forever be grateful for Jack suggesting that Zach and he go to let Max know of the new developments. It left me needed time alone with my father. I had been strong the entire time I had been forced to tell my story of my experiences with Marcus and what I knew for sure.

Alone in that office with my father I went to comfort him only for him to embrace me tightly and then I was the one being comforted as I cried. His hand ran along my hair and he didn't speak. Just let me cry as if I was a child again. Having him there and knowing he knew...and believed me started to heal me a little bit. When I was finished he pulled away a little and I could see his absolute fury burning in his eyes.

" _He doesn't get away with this or anything else. Not anymore, Kat. I know you will be strong enough to face him when his day in court comes. It might not be until after initiation comes so I need you to do something for me. I know I have no right to ask…."_

 _I shook my head to stop him and wiped my eyes. "Don't say that. It was never your failing, dad. How could anyone have expected or known someone was capable of those things? Even now...they happened to me...and I can barely believe it."_

 _He nodded and sighed. "After you become a member I need you to promise that even though you are allowed to leave, you won't. At least not on your own. We don't know how far his reach is but it wouldn't surprise me if he even had contacts or people in Dauntless. Just...be on your guard and watch out for your sister please. Until I can rid us of his filth...please be the brave strong women I now know you both are."_

I had agreed and held my tongue about having already been attacked here. I didn't want to add to his worries and pain. Also, it wasn't until when he spoke that the possibility of the attack on me coming from Marcus had occured.

It was keeping me up now. I couldn't sleep. Every noise I hear I feel panic at. The darkness is full of shadows taunting me with their flickering shapes. I refuse to let it take hold of me so I lay here and am trying to go into my meditative state.

I wanted and needed to keep watch on Tris. I knew that would help to ease my worry but she wasn't in the dorm. I knew where she would be of course. Especially after what happened when the rankings were posted. My eyes fell on the bed of Christina, her supposed friend along with Will. I felt hurt like I didn't imagine possible at Will's words and actions while for Christina I felt anger and a need to get revenge.

At least Will had come to me later to apologized and went to find Tris himself to do the same in person to my sister. He never found her. She never came back after taking off from the training room where rankings were displayed.

Thinking back to it has me gripping he blankets and sheets tighter in my hands. The anger that has been just under the surface for me almost all day now is so close to the surface at the memory.

I had just left the office, being escorted by Zach himself. He had told me a few things about the investigation. Eric wouldn't be told of the new development just yet, per Max's orders. I got the impression from Zach that Max knew just how Eric was likely to react to the new information. In a way...I was almost disappointed he wouldn't be told. It would save me from having to do it myself. Then I felt like the biggest coward and knew it would need to come from me and soon.

Zach walked in to the training room with me so that he could let them know I had been held up by leadership request. We were just in time to catch the end of a confrontation between my sister and a group of the transfers, a few Dauntless born; Christina and Will included.

" _Oh come on. She must be cheating somehow. Look at her times compared to everyone else and tell me something isn't going on with that. Go ahead and believe her story that she has just been listening to everyone and their suggestions if you want; see where it gets you. Factionless. All because you were tricked by her." Allison the other Candor transfer was proclaiming loudly._

 _It shouldn't surprise me that Molly and Drew were right behind her. I wondered if it was really Molly's words but just coming out of Allison's mouth._

" _You don't know what you are talking about." Will said in a weak attempt to defend my sister. I could tell he was shaken though and was casting searching looks to my sister._

 _Tris just stood there looking at the board. Her expression blank and her posture rigid. Anyone looking at her would think she didn't care what was going on here but I knew her. I had seen that same posture and expression anytime I had lashed out at her or she felt attacked by other dependents in school. I often wondered what was running through her mind at these times._

 _I wondered if she was like me and planning out her attack, verbal or physical. Maybe letting it all play out in her mind but knowing she could never really go through with it. Not back then. Here it was different._

 _Maybe she would have been but I think it was what happened next that had stopped her._

" _Think whatever you want. All I am saying is that if she was figuring things out so well based on your advice, don't you think she should have at least been trying to help you just as much? It looks like she isn't even helping her sister. That's cold if you ask me." Allison smirked at the looks around her and she walked out with Molly and Drew following close behind her._

 _Zach had grabbed my arm as I made to follow them and nodded to in my sisters direction. I know he was telling me that she needed me more but then he didn't let go of my arm either, stopping me from going to her._

" _Is it true, Tris? Do you know some way that could make me better?" Al had whined coming closer to Tris._

 _Tris had flinched back from Al and looked at her friends as if only just now seeing them for the first time. "I meant what I said. The only thing I am doing is listening to you and trying to help where I can too. We have all been doing that. What would the purpose of lying be?"_

 _Will shrugged and looked down as he scuffed his feet. "Make us think you are weak by acting like some weak little girl then beating us all in the rankings."_

 _Christina's eyes were daggers as she looked at Tris. "Don't be silly, Will. She isn't acting." She huffs and turns around to run out of the room._

 _Will looks after her a minute then looks at me. Maybe it was my expression that makes him run but run he did. Al had already slumped out of the room as soon as Tris jerked away from him._

 _I went to go to my sister but she just shook her head and was fighting back tears. "I can't right now, Kat. I can't hear I told you so."_

 _Then she was gone too._

 _The number three by name was taunting me with all my failures. There wasn't even comfort at seeing my sister's name with the number one beside hers; not after what had just happened. Peter had been there and after quick words with Zach I found myself being led to where Mar, Lynn and Uri were._

 _Uri had an idea and had pulled my other two friends along. He was going to try and find Tris and find a way to cheer her up. After the way she had been unable to even talk to me, I knew I shouldn't go with them. So I stayed behind with Peter and watched them run off to give my sister comfort and support that I couldn't._

I don't even really remember how I spent my day other than just before dinner I managed to corner Four. I had wanted to know if he knew where Tris was as my first concern. He reassured me she was fine and at his apartment. He also told me that he had told her his real name and where he came from. It was one concern off my mind but there was still the bigger ax hanging over my head. He hadn't stayed to talk to me either. He rushed off after grabbing dinner for the two of them and was gone.

Laying in bed right now with everything that has gone on I feel like no matter what I do I am losing. I could lose my sister to secrets too long kept. I could lose her to my inability to protect her.

My parents, right at this very moment, are sleeping just steps away from the worst kind of viper and there would be no one there that could and maybe wouldn't even try to help them should an attack come. If Marcus even had a hint what my father is up to, I don't doubt something would be arranged.

It would all look like it has in the past. A random attack by the factionless. An act of desperation as the cold set in and they sought warmth or food. The faction would mourn and lament it before they went about their business in trying to help the same people that had been responsible. No one would suspect that the person at their helm was the same one that had ordered the attack either.

I wanted to go to Eric like never before but I couldn't go to him. I needed to deal with this on my own. I needed to suck it up and tough it out. So I clenched my fists around the bed frame and held in the scream that was just begging to be released.

Morning felt like it would never come.

X X X

"You look tired, kitten. You feeling ok?" Eric asks quietly from beside me as we are getting our cups from the dining hall.

The morning did manage to show up after tortured hours lying awake and the other hours I was tortured by sleep I hadn't been able to fight off. The nightmares had been awful.

I give Eric a small nod and turn to go to the table where Raze is already waiting with his thermos. The others already seated and enjoying their coffee.

Eric puts a hand on my arm and stops me so that I turn back to him. "Training is canceled for the day. Go back to the dorm and get at least a few hours sleep." He ordered and hardened his face at my scowl.

"I don't want to cancel training and I damn sure don't want to go back to that dorm where I most certainly won't get any sleep." I growl out to him.

"Training has to be canceled because I have meetings out of Dauntless all day. You need to rest." He pauses and looks over in Zach's direction then frowns "If you won't go to the dorm how about somewhere else?"

I bite my lip and look down. After a little thought I nod and he sighs a small relieved breath he quickly cuts off. When I look back up I nod again. "Ok." I agree verbally.

"I'll talk to Zach." He replies as he turns us to head to the table.

He does end up talking to Zach but I never heard them actually speaking about it. They were both using their tablets a lot the entire time.

Raze talks about him having to head out to Amity for his own meetings when Eric is talking to him about the planned meetings with Erudite for his day. Apparently this is a common thing for the leaders. At least once a month the main leaders have to go to the faction they are assigned to work closely with for meetings about whatever is going on with them. Because Dauntless is in charge of the security of all the factions, the exception is Abnegation, we are the only ones that have these kinds of meetings.

"So Max has Candor, Victoria has Abnegation, and James has what?" I ask after finishing my second cup of Raze's coffee.

Raze and Eric both snort in distaste then look at each other with their lips twitching. It is Raze that answers me. "He picks up slack wherever Max tells him to but it is never really anyone other than Erudite. No one wants to deal with him if they don't have to."

"Well, why is he a leader then?" I ask before I can think that it might not be a good idea to ask that outloud and around anyone other than Eric, Chase or Zach.

Eric does get his normal cold expression but he doesn't say anything. Again it is Raze that speaks up. "It's pretty common knowledge he only got leadership because he was the son of Rex, the leader he took over for on his retirement."

Eric looked at me and stopped me before I could begin with my next round of questions. "Leadership works different here in Dauntless. There are legacy positions, people that are the son or daughter of a leader currently in standing, that will take over their positions as long as they rank high enough during initiation and do well in their leadership training. Then there are the others, Dauntless born or transfers that have ranked high enough to be offered a leadership position if one should be open. Either way it is supposed to work that the training for leadership lasts for a certain amount of time or the current senior leader believes they have proved themselves enough."

"That is the way it is supposed to work." Raze says as he eyes Eric meaningfully. "In the case of legacy positions it gets overridden if the person they will be replacing is killed, dies or retires before that time. James was barely into his training when Rex retired and he took over."

I nod in understanding but am frowning at that. "You said that someone in training could prove themselves. What exactly would that mean for Dauntless?"

"For a Dauntless it would mean that the person had to perform some kind of act or acts that embodied most if not all of the core beliefs our factions holds as manifestos." Raze said, looking at me and studying me. "Say for instance if a man or woman in Dauntless leadership training had been with a patrol group that got pinned down in a firefight and lost over half their unit. Then had to watch as the others were picked off by sniper fire. If that same person then risked his or her own life to make a run at the sniper and take them out. Completing the objective and saving the remaining members of their unit. It might also help if that same person had been badly wounded themselves but pushed on through it and saw it to the end."

Raze had moved his eyes from me to Eric and I knew this wasn't just hypothetical, this was how Eric had become a leader.

"It also helps if the dying words of the leader in charge of that raid who was wounded and didn't make i;t also gave his last order to promote that dumbass." Eric muttered dryly.

Raze chuckled at that and nodded. "Yeah the order from Harrison probably did help a lot." He looked at his watch and then drained his cup. "Well, I hate to take the thermos of precious coffee away from you but I am, Kat. There is no way I am going to Amity without at least two of these on me."

He starts to offer me more but Eric gives him a look and decides better, but does it with a smile. I can't tell if I love or hate that man's smile yet.

Either way he and his beloved coffee are gone before I can blink. Then Eric is following soon after and Zach is ushering me up and away from the table. I think Peter follows us. I am not sure because even with the coffee I had, I am so out of it with exhaustion. All I know is Zach doesn't even have to force me to his bed, I practically run there. I hear his laugh when I launch myself into his sinfully plush bed and roll myself into his covers. I don't even slide under them.

I hear him call me a burrito but wave my hand and sigh as I close my eyes. The nightmare from the night before doesn't rear its head again. This time I am in the middle of a firefight with a wounded Eric right in the middle of it. It might have been a change but it was nowhere near a welcome change.

I actually think I prefer the dream with Marcus in it by the time Zach is shaking me awake.

X X X

"Jesus, Kat. You look like crap." Four says after Chase calls me into the room they are both in today. With Eric gone, Chase took his spot while Lauren had Zeke helping her for part of today.

I plop into the chair and give a sigh of impatience. "Well I would like to see just how amazing and fresh you looked after being tortured with your worst fears for weeks on end."

He frowns in response and mumbles a sorry low enough for me to hear but not Chase.

I sigh again and nod. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Chase comes over and attaches the nodes to my forehead while Four slaps the restraints on that I am now required to have on my arms and legs. Once that is done, Chase takes the needle and comes closer to inject me.

Eric is usually the one to do this but he isn't here and that just makes my bad feeling even worse.

"You know how this works. It starts out with the fears you have already faced before and gotten past. If you have anymore fears it will bring up the next one and if not it will start you out at the beginning again." Chase informs me all of this while he presses the needle into my neck.

His hand brushes against my cheek quickly before he moves back and smiles. "Be brave, Kat."

The sims start out as they had before. I go through the three I had already worked through and this time I don't hesitate to do what I have been told to do all along. I allow myself to focus and calm my breathing as well as heart rate. I do this immediately even though it takes a real concentration of will to overpower the instinct in me to fight first.

I manage well I think. I hope I do anyways.

Then all goes dark until I am put into the middle of my nightmare from the night previous. Only this time it feels much more real. Even the smell of my families blood consumes and blinds me to anything else. All plans to focus and breathe go out the window and I launch my attack.

When I come out it isn't of my own doing. I was yanked out and I think I know it. I am still fighting but this time I know exactly who I am trying to attack as tears stream down my face. Four's face says it all. He knows now and he has to know I blame him. I just don't think he really gets what exactly I blame him for so I let him know.

"You would have had her stay there, Tobias! I had to hear this from…" I had enough presence of mind to stop before saying the name Evelyn…" _her_ ….you wanted her to stay and tried to talk her out of transferring!"

By this time I am released from my restraints and I am slamming my hands against his chest. I think he went to try and hold me but I wasn't having it.

"It wasn't bad enough you left me there with him and to everything he had once done to you but so much more; you were going to do it to Tris too!"

I had finally hit him so badly that he fell back on his ass but part of that was because he wasn't doing anything to protect himself. The entire time, Chase had been standing back and looking ready to kill Four. He finally came forward and wrapped me in his arms after I started to crumble in on myself and sob.

I bury my head in his chest and feel him tighten his hold on me. He is murmuring something to me but I can't even tell what it is.

"He said he would leave you alone if I lied." Four's voice came to me softly at first but then started to pick up in strength. "He said if I didn't lie you wouldn't live out the night. He said he would be happy with you being humiliated though and if I did what he said he wouldn't hurt you or your family. If I hadn't he wouldn't stop at you but would go after everyone you cared about too. I….I believed he would do that, Katie. I knew he would do that. I saw it in his eyes. So...I did what he said because I could live with losing your friendship...but I could have never lived with something happening to you."

I had lifted my head and looked at Four by now. He couldn't look at me. He was looking at the wall and his fists were clenched. All the years of hurt were still there but I think I always knew it had been something like that. I had run through so many scenarios in my mind and that was one I always came back to; Marcus had made some kind of promise or threat that made Tobias betray me.

I pull away from Chase and give him a nod that I am ok as I walk closer to Four. "I could forgive you…" I say and he looks to me with hope in his eyes…"if it weren't for the other thing. I worked everyday for years to protect my sister and family. Everyday for seven years I struggled and suffered but I had the light at the end of the tunnel. That Tris would be leaving the faction along with me and coming here. By me going away I would also be removing the danger to my parents. Then to hear that _you_ thought she would be _safer_ staying there...with that monster…" I was yelling again by the end and choked on the hysterical sob that wanted to break free of me "I don't know that I can ever forgive you for that."

I don't wait for him or anyone to say another word. I jerk away from Four reaching out to me and yank open the door before running as fast and far as I can get.

My feet carry me through dark and winding paths but ones I seem to know by heart now. My heart is beating wildly but with each step the throb of blood in my veins begins to slow. It begins to calm as if the place I am going is sending out some kind of signal. A welcome of safety that I desperately need right now. He won't be there for me when I open the door with the code he insisted I have, but everything that reminds me of him will be. It will have to do for now.

I don't think about if my being in Eric's apartment like this will be a bad thing because at this moment I don't care. His apartment is dark but I don't need the light to know where I am going. I find his room and bed just fine then clamber up into the middle of it and bury myself in his bedding.

His scent envelops me and I breath it in only to let out shuddering sobs. I feel a tearing of wounds I had patched over and buried, being ripped open and bleeding out. It feels like I lay there for hours. With every breath in I inhale Eric's scent and with every breath out I release the hurt.

I hear the door being opened some time later but I know instinctively by the way the people are walking that it isn't Eric.

"You sure she came here?" I can hear Zach ask worriedly from the living room at the same time as a clicking of a light switch sounds.

"Yeah." The other person answers in a tired and strained voice. Chase moves closer to the room. "Zeke called me with her location after I got done with Four."

Then he was standing in the doorway, wreathed in the light from the outer rooms.

"Sweetheart." He called softly and moved closer to the bed.

"Chase." I reply in some kind of sobed broken rasp. I wanted to ask him what he meant about Four but I just didn't have the strength to talk. It was taking so much out of me not to break down again.

"I'm gonna turn on the light now, sweetheart. Okay?" He walked over to the side table where a lamp sat and waited for some sign from me to go ahead.

I turned my head into the pillow to shield my eyes and gave a grunt. I heard the click of the lamp and saw the haze of light fill the room in a more muted fashion than the overhead light. The bed depressed beside me and I got a whiff of the aftershave I knew belonged to Zach.

Neither of my friends said anything but Zach did rub my back slowly. Gently and coaxing me, letting me know he was there when I am ready. I slowly turned my head to look at him and Chase.

"What did you mean when you said after you got done with Four?" I ask brokenly.

Chase sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he looked off. "You still worried about him after…"

"Yeah." I said in simple reply after he had trailed off.

"Figured you would." He muttered and looked back to me. "I'm not going to lie and say I didn't have a few words to say to him that only my fist could communicate properly. Otherwise he is...Four...still." He grumbles something under his breath as he looks to me.

I move to sit up against the headboard and pull my knees up to my chest.

"I had to finish the damn sims with him. That's what I meant." He finally gets out as he comes to sit on the side of bed beside Zach.

I nod and look at my hands on my knees for a second before I look at them again. "Did he tell you what the sim was about?" I ask Zach but am looking at both of them.

Zach nods to me and I let out a breath feeling a little relieved that is at least done. "He told me but…." he gives me a look while trailing off for a second "...we decided that it is up to you what you want to do about Eric."

Chase interrupts me when I am about to reply. "We won't tell him what exactly it was about but he is going to have to be told."

I look at Zach unsure because this deals directly with the investigation. He nods and rubs the back of his neck as he looks to Chase. They have a silent conversation that makes me want to scream in frustration before they look back to me.

"Look princess. You were already going to need to tell him but this is even more important you talk to him now. I have to take this and submit it right along with all the other evidence against Marcus." Zach answers and sees my wide eyes as I look at Chase.

"I already know about the investigation, Kat. Eric, Zach, Zeke and me are all part of the group Max organized with your dad and Jack Kang."

My eyes widen at the fact that Zeke is in on it. "Zeke knows?"

"He knows that there is evidence to suggest you were abused or mistreated in some way by Marcus but he doesn't know everything. The last group of Factionless we questioned, he brought in. He was there when one of them mentioned your name but he wasn't there for the full questioning." Zach answers me.

"I don't know…" I whisper as I close my eyes, feeling like things are just spiraling out of my control and I hate it. "It's just...I know I need and want to talk to him. To tell Eric, I just don't know how..."

"Kat can you answer a question for me?" Chase asks quietly but there is an intensity in his eyes right now. I nod and he continues on. "If it were reversed and you were in Eric's position; a person that never lets anyone in like he is you. If this were you and you were opening yourself up like he is but find out that the person you are trying to let in, won't do the same for you….how would you feel?"

I felt pain stab when the truth of that struck me. I knew exactly how I would feel.

Like he had rejected me by not being able to open up. I would hate seeing him hurting and knowing the only thing I could offer him, to listen and be there for him, wasn't good enough.

Chase just nodded when I told him this but he didn't try to make me feel worse then he could already see I was feeling.

Zach and Chase stayed with me for a little while longer. Zach had made me some of that tea I love of his but exhaustion soon had me drifting off.

The next time I woke up was to Eric stroking my face softly as he sat on the bed beside me.

"Hey." I greeted him with a sigh and leaned into his touch. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't have come here."

I started to apologize but he leaned down to kiss me.

"I said if you ever needed somewhere to run and feel safe you could come to me, Kat. I meant it then and I mean it now." He said this softly and I could tell he was being genuine.

I could also feel and hear he was trying to hold his anger at bay. I am sure that neither Zach or Chase told him what exactly was in the sim but I know they had to have at least told him it would be relevant to the investigation.

"I know. All I wanted after the sim was to get here to you."

"Fuck, I'm so sorry I wasn't here kitten." He pulled me to his chest after I sat up in bed. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I wrapped my arms around him.

"You couldn't help it but just being able to lay here helped." I said with a blush.

He nodded and pulled back with a sigh then ran his fingers through my hair.

"Zach said you missed lunch and it is just after dinner too."

I looked at my watch and grimaced. "Shit I have to get back to the dorm."

He shook his head and held me in place. "No you have been cleared for the night."

"What? How? I mean what am I going to tell everyone?"

"Officially it is being put down that the sim revealed information that is to be used in an open investigation. You are being observed because the fear is also a memory. It is rare but has happened and is the truth here as well. In those cases it can cause the person to feel as if they are still in the fear for several hours after."

"Is that what happened to me?"

He nodded and I could see the worry in his eyes. "Zach thinks it might have been worse for you. Your divergence and the violence…." he stopped and growled lowly as he closed his eyes for second before he opened them and continued "The violence of the memory and sim. Don't worry they didn't tell me more than that."

I sighed and nodded. "I know, I asked them not to."

He stiffened and started to pull away but I held tightly to stop him. "I asked them not to because I knew I needed to be the one to talk to you, to tell you things."

He sat there for a second before he jerked me to him again and held me tight against him. He held me like that and I started to try and apologize but he wouldn't have that. He didn't want my apology, he said, because I wasn't doing anything wrong in trying to protect myself.

I accepted this for now but knew it wasn't just about protecting myself. It was about protecting him but also Tobias and Tris as well.

"Come on. I'm going to make us something to eat while you take a shower. I have all your favorite things already set up for you in there." He said as he was half pulling, half lifting me from the bed.

He set me on my feet and held my hand as he walked me to the bathroom, letting it go after giving me a kiss. "Take your time." He smiled softly at me.

I laughed at that after the last time he said those words I might have used up all of the hot water. "Are you sure Dauntless' hot water can handle it?"

He shrugged with his lips twisting up in his side smile. "I'm sure I don't really fucking care. If my girl wants to use all the hot water in the city then she is going to get just that."

He is joking but I know he is also dead serious. "Careful, give a girl too much power and it might just go to her head." I joked back as I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck.

He have a snort laugh and pressed his forehead to mine. "If only I thought that might be the case, I could handle that much better than the truth."

I frowned but didn't pull away. "Which is?"

"That you are much more likely to go the opposite way than try and take too much. As much as you are Dauntless you still have a good amount of Abnegation in you as well, kitten."

"Is that a bad thing?" I whispered softly as I ran my fingers through his hair.

He sighed and shook his head. "No not bad, just worries the fuck out of me." He shivered when I ran my fingers gently along the shell of his ear on one side.

Before I could do more he reached up and caught my hands. He pulled away with a quirked eyebrow. "Shower. Now. Then we can eat and talk or just relax together."

I pout a little but it is half hearted as he playfully swats my butt to send me along. I don't take a long time in the shower but not because I wouldn't love to. I just can't summon the energy to take a really long shower at the moment.

I pull on the night clothes laid out for me as I am thinking about the words Chase left me with. He had casually suggested that I might want to let Eric know that I have already known about Tris and Four. He said it lightly, too lightly and that let me know that this was something important for some reason.

By the time I had gotten dressed and straightened the bathroom up, dinner was already ready and waiting on me. He set us up in the living room and was standing in front of his vid screen messing with the vid player. He had already slipped on his own pajamas as well.

I walked over to the couch and looked down at the bowls that were sitting on the coffee table. There was pasta of some kind but I couldn't tell what it was. It was a spiral shape rather than the kind I had seen in the dining hall in spaghetti and mac n cheese. I think there was chunks of chicken in it though.

He caught me trying to figure it out as he walked to the couch with a chuckle. "It's mac and cheese but I use a different type of pasta than the one in the dining hall. I picked some up while I was in Erudite earlier."

He sat beside me and handed me my bowl along with a fork before grabbing his and letting me settle close to his side.

"What's the other stuff in it?" I asked sniffing at it tentatively. I had found that anything really spicy caused my nose to run and become all snotty. Not cute at all.

He smirked at me and tried to stop the laugh I knew he wanted to let out. Probably remembering the time I put hot sauce on my food on a dare and found this out first hand.

"Cheese, chicken and bacon." He said with a quiet laugh and shrug.

I tilted my head as I took a forkful and nibbled the edge of the pasta at first. It tasted nothing like the crap mac and cheese in the dining hall and I shoveled the bite all the way into my mouth.

"Does it meet with your approval?" He took his own bite and smiled around it as he waited for my answer.

I just shoved another mouthful into my mouth and shrugged but I was fighting back my smile.

"Brat." He mumbled and reached to grab the control for his vid screen. "I got a movie from Erudite when I was there too."

"You don't have enough already?" I asked playfully after swallowing my bite.

He glared over at me. "If you must know...you mentioned you read the books. I remembered they made movies out of them." He shrugged and hit the play button. "Thought it might be a break for us both from all the shit going on."

I swallowed around emotion and sighed shakily as I nodded. "I think I would like that." Then a thought hit me and I stiffened. "Wait...ummm...are there any…"

"Fuck no there aren't any clowns in this shit." Eric boomed out with a scowl on his face. "Never wanna see another fucking clown in my life."

I giggled my agreement and curled into his side.

The movie turned out to be _The Hobbit_ after the book written with that same title. Eric had read the books but hadn't seen the movies based on the trilogy and prequel either. We finished dinner and watched more of the movie. He at first was shushing me when I was calling out the things the movie left out from the book but by the end he was joining me in them and debating me on if they were all that needed or not.

It was lighthearted and a stall tactic that I recognized. He wasn't letting me off the hook but he was giving me a reprieve. As the last of the credits rolled off the screen of the movie, I took a breath and summoned my courage.

"Eric." I asked from where I was now laying with my head on his chest. We had sprawled out on the couch together after dinner settled.

"Hmmm?" He was relaxed with his eyes half lidded. I hated to ruin that but I knew I needed to get this done or I never would.

"I know you said that there was never really anyone before me...not in the same way we are. Was there anyone in Erudite you left behind though?"

He tensed immediately and his eyes went alert. He was quiet for a little while and then he began to raise up, causing me to have to move up as well.

"You mean like Tobias left you?" He said in a tone of ice. He had moved until he was sitting on the very edge of the couch.

Hurt pierced me. The first thing I am trying to open up about and he reacts like this. It doesn't feel like a good start and I don't know that I can finish. I choke back the hurt and tears.

"This was a mistake." I mutter and move away from, letting my feet hit the floor. "I'm going to go…"

He whirled and grabbed me; his eyes wild and panicked. "You aren't going anywhere, Kat."

This pissed me off and I jerked away from him. "The hell I am not. You can't hold me here if I don't want to be."

"You don't want to be with me?" His grip tightened on my arm and the question as well his expression was confusing me.

"Don't twist my words, Eric. I said you can't make me stay here if I want to leave." I hiss out and finally wrench my arm free.

He lets the arm go but he lets out a ragged sigh. "Don't...Kat." He reaches for me by my hips this time but instead of pulling me to him he drops to the ground and comes to be on his knees in front of me. "Don't walk away from me...please. Yell at me, curse me, throw something at me...or don't say anything at all; just sit there being angry and quiet. Just don't walk away from me again."

The words are a growled command but in his eyes I see the unspoken plea and apology. My anger deflates and I let him wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls me against him and holds me tightly when he sees I am not going anywhere...at least I resolve not to at the moment.

His tone and automatically bringing Tobias into this from the first moment lets me know there is something else that needs to be said here.

"Eric. Look at me." I demand of him softly. He shakes his head for a second but when I pull myself back, he sighs and lifts his eyes to mine. "Remember in your office, we had that conversation and you said you were only going to have it with me once?"

"Yeah." He grits out with a nod.

My jaw is set firmly in determination but I reach out to put my hands to the sides of his face. "This will be the same here. I will only say this once. I am not and never will be, nor did I ever want to be, with Tobias. Even before it all went to hell I knew he wasn't anything other than like a brother to me, my best friend. I don't know if it is because this is Four and your issues with him are getting tangled up in it or because I had any kind of past with him. But I am going to tell you even he doesn't think anything of that kiss. He tried to say it was because he wanted to but I knew what it was about...and that wasn't it."

I can see relief in his eyes but there is still a bit of being guarded in them. Eric wants to believe me but something is keeping him from doing that completely.

"Then what was it about?" He asked softly.

"Honestly I think it was because of what happened before he left Abnegation. I might be wrong but I think he was desperate to make it up to me and get back our friendship. Maybe he even confused that connection we had as friends for something else. It isn't like either of us had much experience with those things but I at least had my parents to look to. I saw that they were each others best friends but there was something more too. That was something that was never going to happen between Tobias and I, I knew this even at thirteen."

As I am speaking bits of the resistance is wearing down. It is frustrating me that I don't seem to be driving it away completely. "I don't know what it will take you to accept that. I can't apologize for the hope I have to one day be friends again." I let out a breath and sigh. "Eric, that isn't only because I hope it for myself but because of my sister."

He stiffens and grabs my shoulders firmly. "What did you say?"

"I hope I can be friends again with Four at least for her sake." I whisper, dreading having to tell him about their relationship.

"You know?" He asked in a rasp.

"Of course I…" I frown and push away from him. "Wait. How do you know?"

He throws his hands up and gets to his feet, pacing. "It's my fucking job to know, Kat. Even more now that I am trying to protect her. She was disappearing and shit and we needed to know why and where. Imagine my surprise when I saw her spending so much damn time with fucking Four and sometimes spending the night at his apartment."

"I didn't think about that part. That it would be obvious to you guys." I muttered as I cursed myself for not thinking about that. My mind really had been up my own ass lately.

"Why wouldn't you tell me, Kat? If you don't feel anything for him like that why couldn't you just tell me?"

 _Oh for fucks sake._

Realization hits me with his angry accusing tone. This was why he wouldn't believe me all of the way. I tried to take a breath and remember the hints Chase was trying to give me before he left. Something about their rivalry and Eric being new to this relationship thing.

Eric was insecure already apparently and that it was Four just made that worse.

I stood up and went over to him. He was watching me warily as I hadn't been able to hide that flash of temper just seconds ago. I couldn't stop the small smile that spread across my face and that caused him to narrow his eyes a little, preparing himself if I were going to attack him. He didn't move away and let me wrap my arms around his waist. He didn't return it at first. He was still just watching me.

"I have known about them for two years."

I can see him gearing up to exclaim about the fact they have been together so long but I put my hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Neither of them let me know about it. Tobias hid it from me just like he hid who he really was from her as well."

This time there is no stopping him, he rips my hand from his mouth and his eyes are wide with incredulity. "What the fuck? Really? How is that even possible that you knew him but she didn't?"

"Very few people in that faction had any interaction with him after the death of his mother. I didn't know him then but he said he changed enough that most people that had seen him on occasion back then wouldn't know him now. I already told you how I met him and as far as I know that was the most direct contact he had had with anyone around his age in years. He was in your school year but do you remember him at all?"

He frowned in thought but shook his head. "No. In fact I was told to look out for him at choosing but didn't know what he looked like until it was his turn."

I frowned and shook my head but let that go for the moment. "Well then there you go. As far as how she never knew that he was Tobias Eaton. He met her when he was already in Dauntless and on a patrol of the area she was in. It was a chance meeting but one that he repeated having introduced himself as Four."

"So she doesn't know that he came from her faction?" Then something else hits him and his scowl deepens. "Wait. She doesn't know about you and him being friends either."

My face falls and I shake my head. "No she doesn't. I am so fucking scared what will happen when she does. She at least knows who he is now. I had to threaten him to get him to finally tell her."

By this time Eric had guided me over to the couch. I was sitting in his lap and he was stroking my back as he took deep breaths. "You know, this isn't helping with the whole making me not want to just push him into the chasm thing. Cause I swear if his cowardice causes you and Tris to have a falling out…"

He trails off and pulls me closer when I bit my lip and tears filled my eyes, knowing that really was a fear for me. "It's not like I haven't been keeping secrets from her either. Which is another reason I didn't tell you or confront her. It felt so hypocritical of me even before you and I started. All the secrets from over the years; they feel like this great big canyon between us that I might never be able to cross again."

"I know it is going to be hard to do this, angel. I am just going to say this; let me help you. Even if it is just listening to you so you can get it off your shoulders and let me carry the weight for or with you...please let me. It is killing me to know there is all this on you and I can't do a fucking thing until you let me."

I nod into his shoulder and neck. "I know. I wasn't ready before and I am sorry it took me so long. It isn't because I don't trust you to not hurt _me_ …." I trail off since I don't think I need to say my whole meaning.

I can feel his pause and wicked smirk before he sighs and I can feel it going away. "I am not going to make a promise I won't lose it a little. I am going to get mad and yell. I might even start making mental plans and promises of what I will do. I can promise that I will _try_ not to go off right that second. I can also promise that if I feel it needs it and I get the opportunity, I will make whoever hurt you suffer in the worst ways possible."

I nod a little in acceptance. It was what I expected and better than I had hoped for that he would at least try and maintain some calm.

He gently eased my head around until I was looking at him and kissed me softly. "I know that all of this will be hard for you and part of that will be talking about the fear. If it will make it even a little easier I can have Chase send me the sim footage. That way I can watch it and we can go from there."

I stay debating that for a few seconds before I nod slowly. "Okay. We can do that."

He goes to his room to grab his phone of the charger and makes the call to Chase then brings out his laptop and comes back to sit beside me. "Are you sure you want to watch this with me?"

He had offered to watch it by himself. It was so very tempting but at the same time, this was my fear. I had to face it and having him beside me while watching it wasn't something I was going to turn down.

For once I wanted and needed the help he was offering instead of insisting I could do it on my own and it was cheating to get help. Even if it was just holding my hand during it.

Eric wrapped his arm around me until I was almost in his lap. He kissed my temple and breathed in. "We can get through this together, Kat. I promise you that."

I nod numbly and reach out to press the button he showed me to start the sim. Then I gripped his hand in mine and waited for hell to open up again to swallow us both up.


	70. Angry Young Men

**A/N: Hey all! Thank you so very much for the reviews being left. It really does make my day when I see this story has found a following. This story/journey is my little baby and am glad others enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed creating it. Also thank you everyone that has viewed, followed or favorited! Here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoy. Things are going to really start moving now!**

 **Disclaimer: V Roth is still the Degas of the Divergent Universe...Where she created ballet scenes I am interjecting my mimes! Enjoy!**

 _Can you hear them_

 _They won't cool down_

 _They believe it_

 _They have no doubt_

 _Can you see them_

 _They're pushing through the crowd_

 _Through the crowd_

 _When they spin wheels_

 _Then the trouble starts_

 _With their ideals_

 _And the bleeding hearts_

 _Yes we all hear_

 _But you're getting much too loud_

 _Much too loud_

 _Best intentions_

 _They rise they're spreading like fire_

 _Angry young men_

 _Wanna change the world_

 _They're young a little bit wild_

 _Angry young men_

 _With their hearts of gold_

 _Hearts of gold_

 _They break it to make it better_

 _They think they can do it better_

 _So young and so naive so naive_

 _As the time goes_

 _The rage will fade_

 _And the fire goes_

 _But the worlds the same_

 _And we all go_

 _The new ones take the lead take the lead_

 _They rise they're spreading like fire_

 _Angry young men_

 _Wanna change the world_

 _They're young, a little bit wild_

 _Angry young men_

 _With their hearts of gold_

 _[Angry Young Men, All Good Things ft. Dan Murphy]_

 **Chapter 70 - Angry Young Men**

 _Eric_

Seeing Kat's sim had been bad. I don't know if it was seeing her reaction to it during the real sim or as she sat in my lap. Her reaction with me holding her was still pretty bad. I tried to contain my own shit I felt while watching it.

I had put every bit of willpower and restraint into keeping my body in place. Even her burying her face in the crook of my neck and brushing her lips against the skin there wasn't taking all the rage away. Not when I could feel the tears falling from her eyes like a damn waterfall. Not when I heard her hurriedly trying to unload years of shit that had built up in her like some infected wound.

I had to remind her to breath, she was trying to talk that fast while still sobbing. I had to remind myself to do the same thing just to try and maintain calm.

I don't know what made me think her finally being able to open up and talk to me, would make this feeling of helplessness go away. Because it hadn't at all. I felt like my hands were being tied in making those that hurt Kat pay.

I couldn't go after Marcus now and do away with him. I mean, I could and fuck if I didn't want to say fuck it and do just that. It wouldn't help Kat in the long run. For one it would put me at risk for getting caught. Then the investigation would disappear and the changes this could bring about are all things I know Kat would want. There was also that Kat would see it as me not believing she could handle facing him. She would think I thought she is weak.

So Marcus was out.

Then there is Four.

Fucking Four.

Even in her pain she sat in my lap sobbing and fucking defending him. I get that he did what he felt was the only thing he could do to protect her at the time. I still think he was a fucking coward but I can get it. Marcus had the power then and he was a dependent.

Ok. Fine.

It was all the years and shit after that I don't get. It makes my disgust and resentment of him start to turn into real and vivid hate for him.

Again I can't do shit to or about him. Not if I don't want to hurt Kat even more. So he is out too.

I have no outlet for the rage and hurt I am feeling and it is pissing me off. I can't let it show though. I can't let my own feelings come into this when she needs me so bad. So I hold her and let her talk.

From what I gather when she is telling me everything...she is telling me _everything_. Things she hasn't even told Zach. That she has never told anyone before.

By the end of it I am able to push the rage back and sit in awe at the person that has for some unknown reason decided I am the one she wants to be with. I just can't even fathom it. What she has been through and done makes what happened to me and my parents pale in comparison. Yet here she is, radiant even in her pain and hurt. Wounded and somewhat broken but was able to turn all of that into a strength that shouldn't be possible.

I haven't said a word or asked a question for at least an hour. When she has been quiet for at least several minutes I silently stand with her in my arms and carry her to the bed. She is watching me as I get her settled and move around the room getting other things cleaned or set up for the next day.

I don't really trust myself to speak yet and I am still processing everything she has told me. I am almost ashamed to admit that I am taking things she told me and trying to figure out ways I can use them in my objectives. Almost….but since it all goes back to the goal of keeping her safe and making a few bastards pay, I don't have an ounce of regret or hesitation in using them.

I slip into bed beside her finally after I have gotten down to just my boxers. I'm not going to try for anything sexual with her tonight, despite how my body reacts to just the view of her in our bed. That isn't what either of us needs. I do need to be as close to her as I can get with as little between us as possible. When she sees me ridding myself of my pjs she decided that was a good idea and got rid of all but her underwear.

When I gathered her close to me we both let out a long and deep sigh of relief from the contact. I lay there for a few more minutes, letting my hand run through her hair before I feel like I can talk.

"There wasn't anyone for me to leave behind by the time I transferred from Erudite." I started out softly. She had opened up and poured out her heart to me...I would try and do a little of that in return.

I stopped running my hand through her hair when she turned so now that she could see my face as we still lay close. Our legs and as much as of our bodies tangled together. She reaches out and puts one arm over my body until her hand comes to rest over my heart. Then she looks at me with those beautiful eyes and waits. I know she is telling me I can share as little or as much as I want.

I take a breath and cover her hand with my own. "My parents had already been taken from me a few years before. By the time I was set to transfer I was beyond angry and cold. I was lethal in my intent and purpose. They shouldn't have died and not the way they did."

"Does this have something to do with what Zach mentioned to me? About you three had similar stories and why you got so close?" She asked quietly from beside me.

At one time I had been afraid to tell her this story because I was so sure she would blame herself. Back then I think she would have but now I think she will still hurt but won't blame herself. I think she will see where the real blame lays. Something I have just started to see myself after believing in the lies I was fed for so long.

I nodded and tightened my hand over hers. "Yeah. Like Zach and Chase, we all had someone taken from us or as good as taken from us by the decisions regarding factionless. What happened to my parents, happened before the vote to remove them from being patrolled. There were other restrictions lifted that had they not been, my parents might still be with me."

I closed my eyes at the pain and anger, remembering that day and the weeks that followed when my father fought for his life only to fade after waking for a short time and being told his wife had died.

I opened my eyes again when I felt her raise up a little and position herself beside me. She smiled at me and ran her hands through my hair but also was pulling until I was laying on her chest. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath, letting her hands work through my hair.

"Tell me about them. What were they like?" She prodded me softly. Her voice a brush of silk in the darkened room.

Of course she would focus on the good, not how they died but how they lived.

I didn't...couldn't...answer at first. It wasn't like losing my parents was a secret from Chase and Zach; but other than my parents and I had been close and how angry I was about their deaths...they didn't know much more than that. I hadn't talked about them in years. Not even with my brother, especially with him. It would be easier to talk about how they were killed.

I wasn't sure if I could talk about my life with them but I wanted to try.

"They...they were amazing." I started out and smile a little when all the memories, the good ones, came over me. "I know it is probably going to shock you considering how I am, but they were amazing and loving parents."

Her lips brush my skin as she shakes her head. "Not so shocking."

I shrug in disbelief about that but don't bother to disagree. "They were older than normal, or even acceptable, in some parts of Erudite. They had me when mom was already in her early forties dad was about nine years older than her. By the time I was born, the son they had before me and my brother; was already set to have his choosing. He turned sixteen when I was barely a year old."

"You have a brother? Did he leave or stay in Erudite?" She asked and I could feel the frown on her lips against my skin.

"He stayed." I growled out the answer.

"You don't get along." She stated simply, able to pick it up in everything about how I answered that.

I sighed out a release of anger. "That's an understatement. I'll tell you about him and that later." I promise, not wanting her to be hurt about me not being able to talk about that or him right in this moment.

I realize that is going to be another conversation that will need to happen. The one about how I came to be a divergent hunter and how I even got involved with someone like Jeanine. I could lay that all at my brother's feet as well as a few other things I am coming to realize now that I know Kat and even her family.

She just nods against my skin and continues to run her fingers through my hair or massage my scalp.

"Dad and mom….they always wanted me they said. They tried and kept trying for years. Never giving up until finally I came along. They had to go through all kinds of treatments and finally had to use other means to conceive before my mother could carry me. Never once did they make me feel unwanted or a burden even though I knew the pregnancy had been hard on her, so it had been hard on him as well. Because of their age they weren't like most parents I guess. Always preferring to stay in but always supportive of any sports or activities I wanted to be involved in. The expressed it openly but didn't go overboard or anything. In Erudite it always seemed like parents were all cold to their children so that was another strike against them because they could never be and never were cold to me, not even in public. They weren't exactly physically overly affectionate. Hugs and other small touches were plenty but that wasn't how they showed me they absolutely loved me. It was their support and care of me."

"They sound amazing. I wish I could have met them." She whispered after I had gone silent in reflection.

"They would love you." I agreed softly. "They never tried to change me when they realized I was never going to be the most outgoing or social of kids. I know mom was worried that was because of how they are. They weren't the most social either. A typical evening was spent in the study reading or doing work as a family. My brother hated that they never tried to get ahead by using social connections or that they had no inclination to even try and be in the elite of Erudite. They could have been in a heartbeat. Dad was fucking brilliant in the development of some of Amity's technology. Mom was amazing as well but she concentrated more on trying to make improvements in the quality of life through technology. They combined their talents and the reason Amity stopped living like they were in the stone ages is because of my parents."

Once I got on a roll I couldn't stop. She just let me go too as I lay there on her chest, her continuing to run her fingers through my hair. She would respond when I stopped and ask me more about them or what I was telling her. I couldn't help the pride in my voice when I told her about how my parents had gotten Amity to stop relying on wood for heating sources, candles for lights, and going without power in general. They had developed and used techniques to use the natural resources at their disposal. Wind, sun, water and even using synthetic logs instead of spending resources in cutting down trees to use.

They had a close relationship with that faction that saw them traveling there often. That was how they had been caught in an attack by the factionless. They were on their way back from Amity in their own vehicle when they were stopped and robbed. The factionless hadn't been content to just take their things and car, they had to leave them beaten and left for dead.

My resentment and anger at the factionless and Abnegation were fierce but I had also included Amity in this for the simple fact that my parents had been killed by trying to help them. My brother had delighted in pointing out that Amity had done nothing to try and help bring justice for the people that have saved so many of them from living like animals.

I can see now just how deep the manipulations of Jeanine and Damon went.

Kat's arms are wrapped around me and somehow we are on our knees on the bed. I don't even remember how or why we ended up like this but it doesn't matter. I think I had gone from just thinking about all of that, their death and my anger about it, to telling her everything. She is kissing my face and I can't even tell if the tears are hers or mine anymore.

"I'm sorry, Eric. I am so fucking sorry you had to go through that all alone. I could kill your bastard of a brother for what he's done to you." She hisses out as she tightens her arms around me.

"He….I started to hate them, Kat. My parents. He would say that it was their own fault for going out of their way to try and help people that wouldn't lift a finger to fight for themselves or the people that had done so much for them. It made it even worse because my parents were also working with some people in Abnegation to try and use those same technologies to improve life there and for the factionless."

She pulled back and looks at me, cupping the side of my face. "From your point of view and without any evidence to disprove him, you could only make decisions based on what you were seeing or told. Don't. Blame. Yourself." She said the last bit firmly and enunciated each word with a pause in between them.

Her eyes...they held everything I needed in this moment. No offers of pity or commiseration. No placations or condescending sympathy. In her eyes was the fire of anger for those that she and I both knew were really to blame.

Jeanine, Damon, Erudite and Marcus Eaton. I had been angry at the wrong people for too long. Spinning my wheels and trying to find answers but never finding any because I was on the wrong track. Not anymore. There was something that I knew without a doubt and I needed her to know it too.

All trace of tears were gone from my eyes as I looked at her clearly.

"Earlier you asked me if I had left anyone behind in my old faction. I got angry because I thought you were talking about you and Four. I realize now that you were trying to figure out how he could have contemplated that with your sister. Leaving her to stay in Abnegation while he was here. Am I right?"

I had put my hands to the side of her face so she couldn't move away and I held her still. I was going to say this and let her see I meant every word.

She licked her lips and nodded. Her forehead puckering, trying to figure out where I was going with this.

"I didn't have anyone there but I can tell you this, it would have never happened for me if I had you. I wouldn't care how bad this faction was before you got here or how bad it is now. There would...no...there will be...no way that you aren't here by my side. Even if I have to burn this whole damn faction to the ground and build it right back up, I would. I will." I stopped and leaned in closer. "But it would all be with you right by my side, Kat. Because unlike Four, I recognize that it can only be done with you here. I see your strength, angel. I see your flaws and your pain. Everything I see is everything that makes me need you with me to do this together."

I don't let her respond before I let my mouth crush hers to mine. I am shaken by how much I opened myself to her about my past. My parents. My own pain and disillusionments. My heart.

It might be me being a coward but I can't give her the opportunity to respond right now. I am so raw that I am afraid of what she might say and how I will react. All I know is that we crash together with a passion that I hadn't imagined we could top from our last time.

After, I hold her close and let her fall into a healing sleep she needs. I want to let sleep claim me too and not have to get up from beside her. There are plans to be made and things I need to talk to Chase about.

With reluctance I get out of bed and tuck her into the covers before getting dressed and making my way to the living room.

I pick up my laptop and phone and go over to the table then call Chase. He answers on the second ring.

"We need to talk, brother."

He takes a second to process my request and tone.

"I'll be there in five."

We disconnect and I settle at my makeshift desk for a sleepless night.

* * *

Chase's head is in his hands and he is rubbing it, as if doing that will help him absorb all the information I have just given him.

"How does someone survive all of that shit and come out like she has?" He mumbles while still looking down. He raises his eyes to meet mine and I can only shake my head.

"Asked myself the same thing. Look at me. Look at Four. Neither of us have gone through a tenth of what she has but…."

"It made her stronger."

I nod and sip my coffee. "She's still….I mean she is wounded from it but yeah."

He lets out a sigh and rolls his head and shoulders to work out tension from his day. "I made a promise to Four to let him try and make this up to Kat."

I tense and look at him coldly but he holds up a hand to let him continue. "I told him that there is an investigation going and it would be out of my hands when we officially turn all of this information over for it."

I frown and shake my head. "Okay you've lost me. What does that have to do with him making shit up to Kat?"

Chase's smile turns feral. "It seems there is something that is a great motivator for Tobias Eaton. He won't lift a finger for himself but his father not only threatened his childhood and best friend, he also went back on his promise. Four knows a little of the pain Kat went through now and I think that would have been enough. Add to all that, his father actively threatened and attempted to kill his now girlfriend…."

He trailed off and I still wasn't following. I got what he was hinting at, but this was Four we were talking about. He wasn't going to do shit.

My brother saw this in my eyes and expression.

He shrugged. "I am just saying. You didn't see his eyes after they went hard and said Marcus was just going to find a way to get away with it all again. That the investigation was going to do shit. I might have said something that he better hope that wasn't the case and that Marcus didn't find a way to wiggle his way out of it. That wasn't even me bluffing. If Marcus finds a way to get out of this, he will go after Kat and her whole family. If that happens….I won't hesitate to take Four and his father down."

"If he gets away with it through the system he doesn't continue breathing past the next hour after the case is dismissed or anything of that nature." My jaw is clenched so tight I am barely opening enough to do more than growl out my words. "Even if he does get hit with the full extent of the law he still might meet with an accident during his prison stay."

Chase nods in agreement and gets up to go get more coffee for himself. He smirks from over in the kitchen area as he looks at his phone and an alert he just got. "By the way, it looks like Four just left the compound. Zeke just sent me out the alert."

I lift my eyebrow and smile a little as I pull up the investigation documents. "Guess we'll have to see if Four gets a reprieve."

* * *

 _Four_

I watch Kat jerking the door open and running from the room feeling as if the ground has opened up and every nighttime terror I ever had has come to pull me down to hell with them. I start forward to go after but am stopped my Chase.

I had completely forgotten he was even here. He grips the back of my shirt and swings me back snarling at me. If I weren't in such a panic of need to get to Kat I would be shocked and fearful of the expression on his face.

He looks like he seconds away from killing me but something is holding him back. "Leave her. She sure as hell doesn't need anymore of your kind of help."

Pain of everything I had just seen in Kat's sim consumes me. I still want to go after her and am about to until I see Tris looking at me, worry and fear in her eyes. I cannot stand to look in those eyes, knowing what had almost happened to her. What I had been trying to convince her to do. I had known as soon as she dropped into the net I had been an idiot. There was no way I could have survived without her with me. I had been an idiot for thinking that she would be better off not transferring to Dauntless because of doubts, suspicions and worry of what this place would change her into.

I slam the door not being able to take a second more of her out there while I needed her so much, and not being able to do anything about it. I couldn't do anything about that but I could and would do something for Katie. I turn back around to see Chase at the terminal I was just going to head to.

"What are you doing?" I ask already walking over there, bent on deleting the footage.

Chase barely glances up to me as he replies. "Sending the footage to Max and Candor for.."

I don't even let him finish before I am trying to push him away to stop him. "No. You can't do that. Katie wouldn't want…"

And then the lights exploded in my head. Before I could react I was on the floor and another punch was landed to my face before I heard Chase growl in what sounded like frustration. He hauled me up and shoved me against the wall with his hand at my throat and murder in his eyes.

"You know shit about what Kat wants because if you did then you would know the last thing she would want to do is hide what that fucking piece of scum has done for another damn day. You would know that she has been working for years to keep her family safe and find a way to bring him down. You would know that despite how bad her dreams keep her up at night she isn't backing down and will testify face to face when we get enough evidence against him."

Chase stops for a second and loses a slight amount of the murder in his eyes. "I'm finding it very hard to keep in mind that Kat would blame herself if anything happens to you; so I am going to give you a chance here. Give me a reason I shouldn't haul your ass in now and throw you in a cell for obstruction of an ongoing investigation, faction treason, and any other charges I can get to stick?"

"You think you are going to be able to get anything to stick on him? He will just weasel his way out of it. He always does. Why do you think he so easily got out of it when Katie got involved. There were ten elders and leaders there the day she came to my house and they all walked away believing every lie he spit out. He even convinced her _dad_ that she was lying. That is how conniving her is."

Chase doesn't let me go and I am actually glad of it. My anger is raging now that I am past the shock. He hurt Katie and badly; over and over again. Her sim was more memory than artificial. I know because one of my own was similar to that. In that memory my father had admitted to her that he had already arranged for her and Tris to be killed or injured severely. That was before Kat and I had ever become friends. He invaded the Prior home and had Kat pulled out in the middle of the night by those men. Not one person other than Kat was aware it ever happened. That was how easy it was for him to get to her and the lengths he went to just to make his point made of how much her family was in danger.

What was he going to try now if he gets wind of the investigation?

"He'll just get out of it in some way and then he will go after Kat and her family. He won't let them survive."

"You better hope he doesn't. Because if he does I promise I will take him out and you along with him for being such a coward that this happened in the first place."

Chase shoves away from me angrily and goes to the sim room door.

"Need to get this shit over with." He grinds out and whips open the door. He calls the next name.

I can't hide the bruising or blood, but I could attribute that to Kat's sim, considering it wouldn't be the first time. I have a second to wipe everything else feeling wise from my face as Tris comes into the room. I see the flash of hurt before she sits in the chair. Especially when I let Chase handle everything to get her setup while I stay at the terminal.

My mind is in chaos and I am trying to think of some way to sort through it all. Sims and initiates pass by in a blur until it is the end of the day and I bolt, leaving Chase to do any clean up from the day.

I head to my apartment right away and sigh when I open the door to find Tris there already.

"What happened to Kat?" She asks quietly when I come to sit beside her on the bed.

I push a lock of her hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. "It was just a bad sim. She reacted badly when she came out of it."

She stabs her lower lip between her teeth and I can tell she wants to ask what it was about. It isn't the first time she has fought that battle before. She knows I wouldn't tell her before and I am definitely not telling her now.

It takes a few quiet minutes but she nods. "You'll tell me if I should be worried, right?"

I give her a tight smile and nod, knowing that is exactly what I wouldn't be doing. She leans into my chest when I pull her into my arms. I breathe her in and feel something click into place for me. I don't know exactly what should be done but I know who can help me figure it out.

I wait until Tris is asleep before I slip out of my apartment. My first stop is Zeke. I need him to cover my tracks on leaving the compound. I am not sure if he will, he has been avoiding me lately, but I have to try.

Zeke is in the control room and when I arrive he looks like he is holding back anger. I motion with him to one of the unused rooms.

"Zeke, I need you to cover for me tonight. I have to leave but I can't have anyone seeing that I left." I don't ask often for help though I have asked a few times since Tris got here.

He has never hesitated before but he does so now. He crosses his arms over his chest and eyes me. "Not sure I can do that."

I frown and look around. "Want to elaborate on why?"

His lips thin and he looks to me for a long time before he looks away. "Heard about an incident in sims today. I have been asked to keep an eye out for all the concerned parties of an ongoing investigation."

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and anger flare up in me. Did he know this whole time exactly what had been going on with Katie?

"So you knew about all of that and didn't think to tell me?" I hiss out angrily.

Zeke gives a mirthless chuckle and shakes his head. "Seriously, Four? You are going to come at me with that? How about I ask you how you could know exactly what she was facing there and just abandon her?"

I close my eyes and sigh as I back down. "I didn't know she was going to face anything like she did Zeke. Believe me I wouldn't have left if I thought she was. I guess thinking back I should have expected he would try….something. Zeke, I know now and I am going to try to help how I can. It might be years too late but I can't just not do something. That is why I need your help. There are people I need to talk to that might be able to see he doesn't get out of whatever the investigation brings to light."

I hold my breath and hope my friend believes me and not just for the sake of helping me tonight, but also for the sake of our friendship. He lets out a resigned sigh and nods as he rubs the back of his neck. "I'll try and buy you some time."

I nod and clap a hand to his shoulder in thanks as I walk past and head out. I would need to hurry to be able to make it to the train in time for the next time it passes the compound. The entire time I am traveling through Dauntless and then on the train towards where my mother will be, I keep replaying the image of Kat's memory/sim.

The anger is back and it isn't all at Marcus. I am angry at myself for not seeing he was full of lies in his promise to leave her alone but so much more. I am angry at the entire system that has allowed what happened to me, my mother before me, Kat and who knows how many countless more that one man has done unspeakable things to.

By the time I have jumped and am making my way towards where my mother is staying I have already made up my mind. I don't know what will become of the investigation. Before I would never have wanted to have anything to do with the truth being brought to light. Now I was willing to let that happen and help where I could. More than that, in my anger and determination I had made one promise and vow.

If anything else, I would be making damn sure Marcus wouldn't be able to interfere with him meeting justice for his crimes. Death would be too good for him but who said he needed to die to be stopped?

I rapped on the door to Evelyn's quarters with quick motions. For years Marcus had beat into me the mentality that I should always look to the needs of others. That my own pain and suffering meant nothing so long as others did not have to have the same.

I will say for that man, he did his job well. Too well. That would be his downfall because what I wouldn't do for myself, I would risk everything to do for Katie, Tris and my mother.


	71. One Step Closer

**A/N: Just wanted to thank everyone for their patience and love for this story! You guys are amazing! For those that are there for me. to support and encourage me, there aren't enough thanks. DYK, nikixnicole, jojuarez and sleepy1177- Thank you guys!**

 **Disclaimer: V Roth still owns this 'verse...**

 **Chapter 71 - One Step Closer**

 _Eric_

I don't make it back to bed when Chase leaves somewhere around three in the morning. My head was weighed down with all the information. Information from Kat, the investigation, my own past my brothers and me. It felt like there were these threads that connected it all together but some of them were still invisible to me. I knew they were there. I just couldn't make sense of them.

Talking with Chase had helped. We would have loved for Zach to be there to give his input, but he was busy over in Candor. There were a few things I had messaged him about and got some input back. It was helping us and more specifically me, come to a decision about a few things.

One of which was something I knew that Kat was the most anxious about having revealed because it involved someone she cared very much about. She didn't say it and she didn't have to say that a big concern for her in telling me was that this person had a connection to someone I hated, that it could be used against him. She was right. I was so fucking tempted to bring Four's mother in. I didn't and not all because I knew it would hurt Kat. It was also because I knew it wouldn't see justice done for Evelyn Eaton. Bringing her in could not only hurt her and the tenuous hold she had on her recovery, but it could hurt the case.

So as much as I was itching to add her being alive and the testimony she could provide, we decided against it. Evelyn Eaton deserved justice for what was done to her. The best we could do at this point would be to nail Marcus Eaton however we could and bring him down without having to get her involved.

Since sleep wasn't going to be happening for me anytime soon, I kept the coffee going while I did some work that needed to be caught up. That was how Kat found me when she appeared out of the doorway of the bedroom. It wasn't time to get up yet and she was standing there with my shirt from the previous day on. Her hair a mussed mess on her head, lips still puffy and slightly bruised from our earlier encounter. Her eyes were wide, too wide for having just woken up and it had me frowning in worry.

"You ok?" I ask softly as I motion her over. She pads over quickly, and I pull her into my lap. With a sigh she sinks into my arms and rests her head against my shoulder.

"Yeah, just...bad dream, you know?" Her tone is tired.

I nod and press my lips to her forehead. "Yeah, I do."

"Have you been working all night?" She asks looking at the table where I have papers spread across it as well as the laptop and tablet running.

With my free hand, I run it through my hair and scratch the back of my neck. "Yeah. It all piles up faster than I can get to during the day so sometimes I have to spend a night working on all of it."

"I hope it isn't because of me that you aren't able to get to it." I can hear the frown in her voice.

I turn her to face me then kiss her soundly before pulling back and shaking my head. "No. This always happens, especially during training. Initiation adds more paperwork and work on to all our plates in addition to what already piles up on us. Normally we have at least one leader in training to pick up the slack but without there having been an initiation for two years, we haven't had any new candidates. This year we are thinking of having two openings for leader to make up for that."

She nods in thought and turns back to look over the table. "I could help if you want. Tris and I helped dad out with his paperwork from time to time. We also had to work with the paperwork and forms for the volunteer center; those are all created by Erudite. So, I know how to work with the electronic systems as well."

I smirk at her as I chuckle. "You actually want to help me with all this shit?"

She shrugs and smiles ruefully. "It's not my _favorite_ thing to do in the world but I wouldn't mind."

I nod with my eyes narrowed in thought. "Hmm, well you might just regret that offer, kitten. Cause I am going to take you up on it. I was already thinking we wouldn't be able to do training today. I just have too much to catch up on. So how about we go to my office instead and work there?"

She laughs before she kisses me then moves away to grab a cup of coffee. When she comes back and goes to sit in another seat I pull her back into my lap. She sipped from her cup while I wrap my arm around her tightly and breathe her in for a few minutes. I am stalling but I need to go ahead and get this out there.

"I know you were worried in telling me about Four and his mother." She immediately tenses in my arms and I take in a small calming breath then let it out slowly. "I have thought about it all night, Kat. Bringing her in could help the case but at the same time from what you told me it is likely to cause her to retreat again, her being so fragile. That could be spun and point out she was and is unstable which would make her unreliable. In the end it would hurt not only the case but you. Because I know she means so much to you. That and that alone is the reason I won't be bringing her into this for now."

I can feel her relaxing into me, but I move her so that I can hold her chin and look into her eyes. She must read what I am about to say, with how intensely I have been looking at her. She gives a small nod. "I know if it comes down to it, especially if you think bringing her in will protect or help me…"

"I will not fucking hesitate to do it." I growl out my reply, interrupting her. "Amar as well. I have left that alone for now too. The same applies to him. If I don't have to bring him in right now, I won't but at some point, I am going to want to meet with him, angel. Understand?"

She smiled softly at me and nodded before leaning forward and kissing me. I groaned and pulled back after she started to shift a little in my lap.

I had to clear my throat and hold her still to finish what I needed to tell her. "One other thing. When anyone asks you about yesterday, and they will, just tell them that you aren't allowed to talk about it at all. Not where you where after the sim or what it was about; nothing. Not even to Lynn or your sister. Anyone that keeps asking or presses, just tell them to come see me."

She started to grin at the last part and shook her head. "Which they won't."

"That is the idea but should anyone decide they are brave enough to step up, I wouldn't mind the chance to put them in their place again."

She hummed with a little laugh and shook her head at me. I knew she understood I was being serious though. She also knew that it was unlikely anyone was really going to come at me. While she was drinking her coffee, I was finishing up a few things. Explaining what I was going to have her help me on once we got to my office.

She gets up to put her cup in the sink and grins over at me. Her eyes twinkling, and I know she is up to something. "I have to say, I am disappointed about training today. That is two days in a row we have missed."

I frown and nod. "We'll just have to go at it a bit harder when we pick them up again."

She has a wicked grin on her face and walks towards me but then veers off and heads towards the bedroom. "That's too bad. I was going to suggest we could at least keep one part of the routine I greatly enjoy. Oh well, looks like my shower will just be a solo run through of that."

She gets this last part out as she calls back loudly over her shoulder. I can hear her giggle when her words register. I bolt up and shove out of my chair loudly. I growl as the chair clatters to the ground.

"The fuck you will." I boom out, already stripping out of the clothes I pulled on when Chase came over.

I thought she would be in the bathroom, but she wasn't. She was naked and waiting for me once I made it into the room. Her eyes already had that glazed and hungry look. My pants fall to the ground and I kick them away. She reaches out her hand for me when I enter, and I grab it but pull her to me instead. She gasps when I don't hesitate to yank her up my body, cradling her ass in my hands while her legs wrap around me. She is already wet and ready for me, wiggling so that my length rubs against her.

"So impatient." She whispers against my neck as she places kisses and nips to it. "I wanted a taste of you."

I smirk as carry her to the bed. "Maybe if your good I'll let you have one later." I don't let her fire back a response because I have her pinned to the bed and am ravishing her mouth.

I moan as I move my hips to drag myself against her, pulsing forward and drawing back several times. Just enjoying her moans, her wetness, and how she lets out this little hiss of disappointment when I don't complete the move to slide into her tight channel. She makes me lose control in no time on a regular so when I can maintain it and torture her, I draw it out as long as possible. It doesn't stop her from trying to maneuver herself so that she can try and clamp onto me, to get me inside of her. She is tricky in things she tries to pull to get that to happen. I can admit I will play along and let it happen on occasion. Not this morning and I have her whimpering in no time.

"Eric, please I am so wet and ready for you." She breathes against my ear.

I chuckle against the skin of her breast that I am currently teasing. "I'm the impatient one you said?" I clamp down on her hardened nipple and suck hard then swirl my tongue around it. I release it with a plop and lift my head to look at her panting under me. "Look at you, kitten. Impatient and greedy."

I give a playful tutt, but she is nodding, and I feel her nails biting into the skin of my shoulders as she pulls my body tighter against hers. I get so close I can feel thudding of her heart against mine. The green of her eyes is deep and the glaze of desire as well but there is something breathtaking too. Deep and beyond just lust that feels like it is bubbling up from deep in her.

"I am." Her voice is a husky whisper. "I am so greedy for you like this because it's more than just…." she stops and seems like she isn't or can't go on.

"It's what?" I growl out lowly and with urgency. A secret hope blooming that maybe she is going to say it. Those words I can't even bring myself to say just yet but am burning to.

"It's more than just wanting to have sex with you, Eric. It's always more for me. I feel like I can't get close enough to you and when we are like this I feel like we have never been closer. More us, the real us. For good or bad and I can't get enough of you like this."

The raw emotion and words almost have me spilling everything to her. I don't just mean my emotions either. Because she never stopped moving. Her body was showing and telling me everything that wasn't in those words. It wasn't the three big ones but honestly what she did say was so much more. Then there is the pleading in her eyes. To let her know in some way I understand and feel the same.

It is animalistic, the rumble that leaves my chest as I line myself up and thrust into her. She never once looks away even when she cries out and her eyes roll slightly back up into her head. I am thrusting so hard and controlling everything that all she can do is tightly wrap her arms and legs around me, holding on for the ride while we kiss each other deeply.

Her climax hits her hard and faster than I expected but I let her ride it out and then switch things up. With a little bit of arranging and directing I get her laid out onto her stomach. Her ass is raised just enough as I position myself. She is looking over her shoulder at me, gripping the sheets and biting her lip. There is more trust than apprehension in this new thing we are trying.

My body slides against hers as I move my mouth up her spine and have to grab her by the hips tightly to keep her from moving anymore. Her spine is an epicenter for touch.

It can be the greatest source of pain for her, or the biggest one of pleasure. Right now, she is writhing and whimpering from just me kissing and licking my way up until I reach the back of her neck. I grab a handful of her hair and pull it to the side while turning her head at the same time. She looks at me with wild eyes as I lean down to bite and suck at the spot just at the top of her spine.

Her backside presses upwards and her legs curl up, heels pressing into my ass, trying to get me to slide into her as she cries out in pleasure and frustration. I can't hold out anymore when I can feel her slickness just dripping out and coating me. I slide in and groan into her mouth as I kiss her deeply.

I teased us both too much and for too long because I come up hard and fast on my release. It doesn't help that she is clamping down on me inside of her while rocketing to another climax. With every snap of my hips I grunt, and she mewls for me. With every thrust I can hear the slap of my flesh against her butt cheeks, making them bounce. I push forward, and she is trying to push back.

We aren't fighting against but with each other. Fighting for more of everything.

Time together.

Connection.

Fighting to bring out every ounce of pleasure we can and not being satisfied until we know we have made the other feel as good as we can.

She has reached up to loop her arm around my neck as I lean close to her. I don't even know what exactly I am rasping out to her in her ear; in between my thrusts, grunts and biting at that spot that makes her tremble and cry out for more at the back of her neck. I know she is clearly saying, 'only yours', and it spurs me on until I am slamming into her so hard we are both moving up on the bed.

She yells out a final time as her body jerks and shakes underneath me, combining with my own as I hunch over and bury my face in her neck while I pour myself into her. I gulp in air when I ease myself out and stretch out beside her. My hand taking hers in mine as they lay stretched out above our heads.

Her skin is glowing with the sheen of sweat and flushed color. I can see bruising marks on her hips, nipped marks all up and down her spine and dark red ones on the back of her neck. I shouldn't feel so damn good about that, but I do. Always have and the longer we have to keep us quiet the need to do it more and more noticeably gets deeper. She sighs and curls into me, making that sound I love that reminds me of a cat purring. Making her live up to her name and my nickname for her.

Not even two minutes later our watches go off together signaling the time we would normally be getting up. With a smirk and a small groan of my own I pull her up off the bed. She whoops when I sweep her into my arms and carry her into the shower.

"You did say this was your favorite part, right?" I ask her as I put her down on the tile and turn the shower knobs. Water starts to blast out and then heats to our temperature, so I turn back to her. She is biting her lip and stops with a mischievous grin.

She doesn't answer with words but with her hands and lips while she sinks down to her knees. I groan and throw my head back into the shower spray as I close my eyes. The day is going to be a long one but hell if I am going to complain about how it has started out for me. In my head I do mental countdown until this can be a regular and permanent thing.

Less than three weeks. In less than three weeks we won't have to hide anymore. In less than three weeks I will be able to go to sleep and wake up with her every day. In less than three weeks she will be a member and by then I hope to hell I will have one threat gone and working towards eliminating the other.

In less than three weeks I can work on securing our lifetime together.

* * *

 _Kat_

Dauntless proved once again to be full of gossips. The morning after my sim it was spread about that it had been a memory of some kind. Something that was part of an ongoing investigation. I had expected it to come out that it was regarding Marcus or at the very least someone to insinuate that it was about my father and/or Abnegation. I think Eric, Zach and Chase had all thought or expected the same things as well to be honest.

It turned out that there were a few people that were whispering it had something to do with the reports ongoing in Erudite about Abnegation and what was making the dependents leave, but those were few. No, the real bulk of the rumors were that the investigation was regarding the attack on Edward and I.

Some were claiming that the sim was able to bring up memories that might have been blocked and I now was able to give clues to who the attacker or attackers were. Others were claiming that the sim showed I was responsible for the attack and that was why I disappeared after the sim, because I was being questioned in Candor.

One guess who the trolls were that circulated that.

It lost steam when I showed up bright and early the next morning, but the other rumor remained. I was barraged with people, initiate and member alike, that kept asking me if I remembered anything new or what was going on.

Luckily Eric had prepped me before we even left his apartment. Tris had decided she was tired of sitting by idly when something happened to me. She must have woken early to wait but she was waiting by Eric's office when we got there.

He had given me a look and rolled his eyes. "Be back here in thirty minutes."

I had nodded and then took my sister by her arm to head to the dining hall. I would go ahead and grab more coffee as well as food for the morning we were going to spend in his office. On the way I explained what I could to her.

Of course, she wasn't happy with what I told her. She was worried and me not being able to say if I was in trouble or not didn't help her. It was Zach who came to my rescue in the dining hall. He must have gotten a message from Eric because he was there already sitting with Raze and Peter.

Raze lifted an eyebrow at me and I recognized this as his silent question of if I was ok. I just nodded, and he smirked, raising his thermos. I had given a small moan of pleasure at this that had Tris rolling her eyes, but she joined us. While I was gulping down one cup of that wonderful brew, Zach was busy answering Tris questions.

He was able to tell her more and I got the first look at how my guys were going to spin what happened and the investigation in general. He informed her that the sim was a partial memory of both the night the factionless attacked during Capture and the attack in the dorm. Because of the nature of it being mixed in with the fact that it is a fear sim; it was being studied to find out what is real and what is created by my mind.

Really it was well planned out by them and completely believable. If we got right down to it, it was also the truth. Something deep down told me it was connected and connected to Marcus in some way.

She wasn't exactly fully relieved. Tris was worried that if they were connected, I could be targeted now that I might be able to identify the attackers. Raze and Zach had assured her that wouldn't happen. Raze had even said, while cutting eyes at me and smirking, that if it came down to it they would just remove me from the dorms and put me somewhere that my security could be assured. I was able to get back to the office with Eric, food in hand, after Zach gave me a nod to slip off.

It was easier to forget the strain I was under emotionally when I was with Eric. Especially after I had confessed everything to him. I felt lighter in a way knowing that I wasn't keeping anything back from him anymore. It had always felt like I was holding such a large part of myself back and I realize that is because I had been. I might not like what had been done to me in my past, I might still be trying to work through all of that; but it has become part of me. Shaped who I am and who I want to be. How could he really understand or know me until I had told him any of that?

He had felt the same thing there at the end and opened himself up as well. I have no words for what I am feeling about everything that happened between us during that.

There was something that occurred...it felt like something reached out from my heart and tethered it to this man irrevocably. I was already heading that way but between his care of me as I spilled everything out to him, his own opening of wounds that I can tell he has never allowed anyone else to see, and then his words to me just before he made love to me with such passion I passed out afterwards; there was no going back for me.

As amazing as how the night had ended and what he confessed made me feel...I was stuck on something else and that is what had me going through my day on autopilot. All I could think about was how I could make those who hurt Eric pay. How I needed to find out what had happened to his parents and make those responsible pay.

Maybe there was something to this divergent thing. Zach had said there is something in divergents and the way they think. Maybe there was something really messed up with me because before that night I was mired in all my own pain, anger, worry and felt like I was drowning in it all. The moment I woke up the gears in my head started working and I went into another mode.

There were things that Eric said about his parents that didn't really strike me until the height of emotion was over. He mentioned his parents had been working with some people in Abnegation to help with that faction's living conditions as well as the factionless. Then they are robbed and left for dead by factionless?

Maybe it is just my tendency to lay blame for any kind of misery at the feet of Marcus Eaton, but something tells me he had some hand to play in that. Not just the way Eric was thinking either, in pulling the available number of guards and patrols in that sector.

I needed to plan and take my time on this. Eric had enough on his plate and I didn't even know if my thoughts on this were off base. It also wasn't something I could really do anything about right now. It would have to wait until after I became a member and could freely leave the compound on my own.

For the rest of that day I had been more subdued. I still gave my all during the physical training we took part in. We got to work with handguns again and I used it to zone out and let my mind wander.

The emotional strain I had been under was still leaving me exhausted but the previous night had brought about changes in me. I didn't feel as alone in all of it. I knew Zach and Chase had been there for me before, Zach more than the others by my own choice at first. It was different though now that I had told Eric everything.

Becoming a member needed to be first in my thoughts and I put everything into that over the coming days.

* * *

My sims started to improve. Once I had stopped fighting myself to keep fighting in the sim, even when I knew that wasn't going to be the way to get out of it, my times started to get better. I was still stuck on Marcus though and I wasn't sure what the issue with that was. Even the guys couldn't tell me because what I was doing should have stopped it a lot sooner than it was.

Regardless of me handling the sims better Eric wasn't able to be there. He knew that he couldn't be there for that sim especially with Four and not do or say something to him. Regardless he needed to resume work as a leader and took the opportunity to step away. Zeke was assigned to work with Four on all the sims and they always made sure they had me.

There was pressure on everyone because the third stage was just a few days away. Pressure built would always need to find an outlet to escape. I guess what happened was just the time bomb finally going off.

Sorting my sims was easy compared to sorting the crap out I was having to provide for the investigation. Several times I was pulled out of training early to go to the offices and it would alternate between Zach's and Max's. During those times I was briefed on what they had found so far, asked more questions about things I had already told them and pumped for more information.

Times like that I was usually prepared the night before, so I knew what I could or shouldn't tell the others.

It was the night before the final stage, but we hadn't had downtime like we did previously. On top of sims, sparring, physical training, and weapons; we had started to add in skills like scaling or climbing walls and rappelling. Basic first aid and survival were also added in. The days were so packed that we were all dropping into our beds when we finally made it to them.

It was the worst kept secret we were about to start the final stage. Not everyone knew what that would be but the Dauntless born were more clued in. Fear landscapes, which were different than the sims. In a sim, anyone who is not divergent would not be aware that they are in a computer simulation. It takes over the mind so completely that person believes it is real.

With the landscape we would be 'walking' through the fears and physically moving our bodies to interact with them. It would feel very real, but everyone would know that it wasn't instead of just divergents. That should be good and mean it would be easier for someone like me. I should be able to resist making changes easily and work through them faster.

We were worried that it would be the reverse for me. I was going to have to be even more alert in not accidentally making changes to the fears. Then there was my reaction to my fears. If the feeling of it being real increases would I be that harder pressed to fight my way through anything and everything?

I was trying to hash all that and the investigation out in Eric's apartment after dinner. Peter was with me as Zach and Chase were there too. I was surprised that Eric wasn't upset or against Peter even knowing about the investigation, but he wasn't. I could tell he was still not counting Peter one of us, but he was better with him.

Zach called an end to the back and forth about all that for the night. Instead we all ended up watching a movie at Eric's before Peter and I would head back to the dorm. It was Zach's pick and was a ridiculous comedy about some kind of pet detective. It had Eric groaning into my hair in misery for the majority of it, but I thought it was hilarious.

Much as I wanted, and I know by the way Eric held me tight to his side the entire time he wanted me to stay, it couldn't be risked. As it was, it was late when we finally headed back to the dorm.

The second I heard the scream, some part of me knew. It was so faint Peter didn't understand why I bolted. It sounded like she had started to scream and been cut off. He didn't stop me, he just ran along with me.

The next hour is mostly a blur for me. Like that day with the factionless and even some of Tris' fight. That red haze of rage came over me the second my sister being attacked came into my line of sight. I launched myself after a target and even when I saw my sister being safely taken away in Four's arms, I didn't stop the beating I was administering to the person I had pinned to the ground. It was Molly and even when she had screamed and begged, saying she thought it was me, I didn't stop.

Peter took off after one of the people that I vaguely identified as Drew. One guy got away, but I didn't see who it was. By the time others got to me Molly was barely recognizable. It took Eric and Zach to pull me off while Chase got Molly to the clinic. I was still screaming all of Dauntless down about what I was going to do to her until Eric clamped his hand over my mouth and carted me to his apartment.

Zach disappeared as soon as Eric had a hold of me. I told him Peter had been with me but had gone after Drew. I hadn't seen him again and I assume Zach went to make sure he was alright. Once inside of the apartment, he went straight to the shower. We were both fully clothed. I thought it was just to get me out of whatever state I was in, either shock or rage, but it wasn't that.

My face, hands and arms were covered in blood. From the way he was ripping through my clothes with his knife, just cutting them away so he could get at my body, I think he was in his own state. I let him make his inspection though I did try to tell him it wasn't my blood. He didn't believe it until he saw it for himself.

It started to all fade away for me. That rage inside, and I was left looking at the tiled floor of his shower, the water thick with red. Then a sick feeling inside me, panic even, took over and I was frantically trying to get it all off. There were even bits of blood and flesh under my nails. I think I was bordering on hysteria when my back hit the tile wall and Eric's eyes were burning into mine. Willing me to pull it together.

"Did I kill her?" I ask in a ragged whisper.

He has his mask in place, so I don't know what he is thinking. He is quiet before he asks his own questions. "I'm not sure. She didn't look great when they took her, but I wasn't really paying attention to her. Would you really care if you did?"

The question took me off guard for a second. My first thoughts took me even more off guard. "Yes." I answer softly, and I see something pass through his eyes, but I can't register it because my chin raises, and I give him the rest of my answer. "Yes, I would care because then getting who the others are out of her wouldn't be possible. She also wouldn't be able to face justice."

Relief. That is what I see in his eyes before he pulls me against is chest and breathes out. We are both quiet as we hold each other. The hiss of the water the only sound being heard.

"I don't think she is going to die from what you did to her, Kat. I don't know that she will be able to talk much either though." He took a breath and pushed me back to look in my eyes again, pushing wet hair away from where it was plastered to the sides of my temples. "It's not something I want for you to ever have to live with, baby. Having to kill someone. That being said I am glad to know that if it came down to it you wouldn't hesitate. I'm proud of you."

A little bit of pleasure ran through me at his praise. I didn't let him or myself down.

"Tris?" I felt tired all of a sudden, drained of everything but I needed to know how she was. Where she was even though I am pretty sure Four was going to have her.

"Zach is handling it. After we get you cleaned up and in bed, I have to go back out and deal with Molly and find out about the other two." I took a breath to demand that I wanted to wait up or go to my sister, but he stopped me. "Absolutely not. You stay here and the three of us will take care of it. Understood?"

I gave a tired resigned nod. He was satisfied and stepped out of the shower to let me clean up. He was still in his clothes so needed to get into dry ones before he could set out. When I was clean and in my own pajamas he was just pulling on his boots. I could hear him on the phone with who I am assuming was Zach or Chase. He was casting looks at me before he just told the person he would be there shortly to help out.

I was sitting on what I was coming to think of my side of the bed, even though I always ended up practically on top of Eric, when he moved over to sit beside me.

"I don't think I can sleep, Eric." I said softly when he moved to cup the side of my face. "I know I am just going to lay here and worry. About Tris but also that I don't know what happened to Peter."

He gives a resigned sigh and nods. "Fine. I'll get you set up on the couch, but you don't leave this apartment, Kat. It will be on lockdown anyways because we don't know what is going on. With this Marcus shit...who knows what that man is capable of. I need to know you are going to stay here so I can get shit done. Okay?"

I nodded in agreement and even relief. He did as promised and I was curled up on the sofa with a show that had several seasons playing. It kept me occupied and was amusing, watching the man in his blue box galivant around the galaxy, but it didn't get rid of the worry. One hour turned into two and I drifted off despite trying not to, to fight off sleep and find out what was going on with my sister and her attackers.

The next thing I know is the alarm on my watch is going off making me jerk awake. Eric's arm is wrapped around me and we are in his bed. I must have been extremely tired to not even wake up when he moved me. He grumbled beside me and pulled me closer but didn't even act like he was about to get up.

"Our training's canceled. Go back to sleep." He didn't even move his head from being buried in my hair when he mumbled this out.

I grunted and tried to shove his arm to wake him, but it just constricted tighter on me. "Eric, what about Tris and Peter?"

"They're fine. Tris with Four. Peter with Zach…. all asleep…" His caveman speak is probably all I am going to get from him and I don't think I will be getting out of his hold either. Deciding I could use a few more hours of sleep, I settle back down in his arms. This earns me a nuzzle against my neck and a deep hum before I feel Eric's deep breathing letting me know he is already back to sleep. It doesn't take me long to follow him.

* * *

I don't even try to hide my anger as I sit at the table, my hands clenched in my lap and my body trembling. They are all silent as they sit around me.

Peter is looking off into the distance, his face has some bruising to it. He tried to hide his hands from me, but they were busted up badly. There is a story there, but I am in no frame of mind to ask about it. I made sure he was ok, and he gave me a shrug before going silent when he and Zach came into Eric's apartment this morning.

Breakfast sits untouched on my plate as I try to breathe and calm myself. "So, we can't do a damn thing?"

Eric answers from where he sits. Close but not touching me. He hadn't been happy when he woke up this morning and he doesn't look any happier now. None of my guys do but it doesn't make me feel any better.

"This is how our faction operates? Considers it business as usual for members to openly attack and try to murder each other?"

"It's not business as usual but without proof or witnesses we can't…"

"I caught them red-handed!" I scream and slam my fist down on the table. "There was only one we couldn't identify. I get that without my sister being able to identify them there isn't much we can do there, but I can identify at least two of them. We could get names for anyone else involved from those two."

I know what is coming. I already put this argument out there earlier. I just can't believe there is nothing that can be done to get the bastard that got away.

"Molly won't be talking anytime soon. By the time her jaw heals enough, and she regains consciousness she will already be in her own cell in Candor. She's out and was already heading there, Kat. Drew for all intents and purposes is gone too. He was going to be cut but after he ran from the chasm, he disappeared. We think he might have went ahead and just got out while he could." Zach is looking at me while he is talking. At the mention of Drew, he casts quick eyes to Peter who twitches slightly but is still looking at the wall. "We aren't giving up on finding who the third person was but for right now there isn't anything we can do without a name."

"What about Tris' safety then? Where is she right now? Is she being taken care of and kept safe or is that something…."

Eric stopped me from the lashing out I was about to do. He grabbed my chin and jerked to towards him with his glinting dangerously. "I know you are pissed, we all are. I know you are worried about your sister. Do you really think I would go back on my promise to you? That I wouldn't do my best to make sure, for your sake, she is taken care of?"

We sit there staring at each other for a few seconds in silence. My chest is heaving with anger, but it slowly starts to fade, and tears burn my eyes. "No." I get out in a whisper as my voice cracks a little. "Eric, I…"

He nods when I can't finish. I don't know how he knows what I am going to say or what I am thinking but he does. "I won't keep it from you when I find them. No more secrets."

I nod and sniff slightly as he sighs and cups the side of my face. I see his own unspoken question in his eyes. I look around and see the others wearing similar expressions. I huff and look back at Eric who has his eyebrow raised, waiting. "I won't make any promises other than I will try. If I for some reason find out before any of you do I will try not to...to lose it."

"And..." Eric drawls out in what seems like a lazy manner but is actually him giving me a warning.

"And I will _try_ to let you take care of it." He narrows his eyes but then sighs again and lets his hand drop to squeeze my leg under the table. "I guess that's better than I expected." He mumbles and looks to the others.

Zach and Chase both give nods back, but Peter is still looking off. He only looks back to the table when Zach tells us both to eat. I do but it all tastes like cardboard.

The second stage begins today but Eric and Zach have to leave to go see to things with the attack, the investigation and Eric was grumbling about Erudite. Chase was going to be escorting the both of us to the dining hall where an announcement was going to be made and we will start the first day of the last stage.

Our last week in initiation.

I know that Eric, Chase, Zach…. even Peter I am starting to realize, wouldn't let something happen to me if they could help it. I know I trust them but that feeling I carried around for years is starting to creep up on me again, hard. The panic and survival instinct. So, when Eric had pulled me to him and was kissing me, that instinct took over. When my hand had been on his chest and I encountered on of the many pockets of his vest, one of them being occupied; that part of my mind took over without conscious thought.

I didn't have a plan when I slipped the knife from his pocket and up the sleeve of my jacket. It was just the feeling of safety to be armed. To know that I would have something anyone attacking me wouldn't expect me to have.

I almost expected Eric to say something, to have caught me, when he jerked me back to his chest and held my eyes for a few long minutes. "I will find out who did this and when I do…" He whispers lowly before trailing off.

"I know you will, Eric. I trust you." I say with a small smile that seems to reassure the worry he had in his eyes. He relaxes and kisses me one more time before letting me walk out of the door with Peter and Chase.

I breathe out a relieved breath when I get out of his apartment and down the hall. Peter is walking beside me, and I feel a jolt of guilt hit me. I inch closer and slip my hand near his. He flinches and looks at me for a second before he lets our hands close together.

We are still walking before I decide I need to say something. "I won't ask but I am here if you want to talk about it. I just wanted to say…. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He asks after a little bit of silence.

I pause before speaking. "He was your friend. They both were at one point."

He lets out a breath, his shoulders slumping and pulls us to a stop by the hand he is still holding. He looks at me seriously and with a scowl on his face. "They weren't my friends. They were tormentors that I joined because it meant they wouldn't target me. I was…. I am….a coward. I'm not a good person at all, stiff."

I can hear pain and guilt in his voice as he says this. I squeeze his hand and give him a sad smile. "I don't think anyone is all good or all bad, Peter. Like I said...I won't ask...but I am here if you need me."

It was my own way of saying thank you without saying words. It seems like such a morbid thing to say thank you for. I don't know for sure what happened, but I can guess. It isn't hard to anyways. Peter ran after Drew. They fought, and something happened. That is why Zach was saying that Drew is as good as gone.

Peter gives me a nod of understanding and a strained half smile before he turns away and takes a step to continue on. I move along with him.

* * *

Tris isn't in the dining hall when we make our way in. The others are and they all look worried. I know there are whispers of another attack, but nothing has been confirmed as of yet. I wonder what everyone is going to say when it is reported that I was involved in yet another incident. I hadn't worried or even thinking about what the others would say when they found out what I did to Molly. Seeing them at the table, I almost pull up short with a frown of that emotion on my face.

Peter stops me a little ways away from the table and raises an eye at me. "What?"

"I just had a thought...what I did to Molly…"

"You really think any of the people that actually matter to you are going to be anything but relieved you took care of her?" He said with a roll of his eyes. "You care entirely too much about what other people think, stiff. Cheese fries says at least one of them will grumble that you left her still breathing." He leaned in to whisper this and had that dry humor in his tone. I could tell he was trying to make light of the situation. "Come on. Better get over there." He tugs my hand and we go join the others.

"What the hell happened to you guys? Where is Tris?" Uri asks as soon as we slip onto the bench.

Before I can answer, Four slips in and his eyes start searching immediately. Seeing me he gives a small nod and goes over to where Chase and Lauren are waiting off to the side. Tris slips in directly after that and heads towards us.

I rise and meet her halfway, my steps quick to match hers. We embrace. I am shaking inside and out and I can hear her trying to fight back a sniffle.

"I'm so sorry, Tris. I think they were after me." I whisper in her ear as we are still hugging.

"I know. Four said something about that. He told me what we are supposed to say. Did you get told the same thing by Zach?"

I nod and pull away from her. We both look to the table with our friends then exchange glances before joining them again. They immediately all launch into asking what happened. Especially Lynn who is eyeing the bruising on my sister and Peter's face.

I hesitate to tell them, looking over to where Chase is standing. He must sense my eyes on him because he turns his head, looks over the table and gives me a small nod. Once again I have been prepped in what to say.

"Peter and I were heading back to the dorm after hanging out. We got to the Chasm probably about the same time as Tris. We were rushed by three people and had to fight them off. Tris was almost pushed into the Chasm by one of them but we were able to pull her back up. She was still knocked out. Peter fought off another one of them but they took off running. I….I…"

Tris interrupts me with her lips thinned. "Kat had the other one pinned down from what I remember before I was out."

"Who the hell attacked you guys?" Lynn spit out in a hiss.

"Molly, Drew…." Tris hesitates and looks around. "The other person I…" It hit me that my sister knows. She knows who the third person was but doesn't want to say for some reason. "...I couldn't get a good look at before I was knocked out."

Peter must pick up on what I did, judging by him grabbing my hand. I jerk my head to look at him and he gives the tiniest shake of his head. I let it go but I promise myself I will get it out of her and soon. Questions are thrown out about what happened to Molly and Drew. Peter answers about Drew saying he took him on but after getting in a punch to his face, Drew ran.

He was right about what they were going to say about Molly. Both Lynn and Uri had a moment where they grumbled about her getting off easy by their standards.

All of that was cut off when Chase and Four get up on one of the tables and we fell silent when they called out for our attention. Four speaks up first. "Today we start the last stage of initiation. At the end of this week you will face your final test. At the start of initiation, we told you that the last test would be mental. You are about to find out just what that involves."

Chase spoke up from beside him. "Dauntless-born and transfers will still be together for this. Everyone follow us."

With that they jump down with Four leading the way. We start the climb of metal stairs and winding corridors. I am not really paying attention to the journey, I am so focused on why my sister might not want to say who the third person is that was involved in the attack. Why is she protecting them? I try not to be angry but I can't help that it is simmering under the surface in me and just begging to be released.

When we end up stopping I look around finally. We are in a glass room that I have never seen before. Bits of our walk to get here come up and I determined we are close or in the part of the building that had the glass ceiling. Chase and Four are talking to a few of the Dauntless in this room but soon lead us through another door.

This room is huge and has a musty kind of smell to it. The walls are paint splattered with graffiti all over them. The room is lit by old fluorescent fixtures that have long bulbs and grimy plastic covers.

When we are all in Four starts off telling us where we are. "This is the fear landscape room. Right now it isn't active so how it looks now won't be what it looks like during use. In here the next and final stage of initiation will take place. As you can guess it will still be your fears but this will be a very different kind of simulation than you had before."

"Throughout your sims so far, data has been collected and stored." Chase takes over, his voice booming through the big room. "With all of that information a series of virtual obstacle courses, all based on your worst fears, will be faced here. Some of these obstacles will be fears you have already seen while others might be new ones. The big difference here is that you will be aware that you are in a simulation. This will allow you to think through things better. Don't be fooled though and go into thinking it will be feel less real. Everything in the virtual simulation will feel like it is really happening to you."

"We told you from the start that the last stage would be mental but in reality, you will be combining all the aspects of your training in here. You will need to control your emotions, keep your wits about you and handle the physical aspect of the obstacles." Four stops and looks around the room, lips thinned before he begins again. "Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless Leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?"

The message is clear that this could make or break everyone in this room. There are mumbled yes sir's before they tell us we will need to take time to think through strategies on how to handle our fears and landscapes. There are questions being thrown around about the amount of fears and times. Some people even have questions about the physical portion and how that works.

I tune out when I see Four slip away and towards the outside of the room. He makes it look casual, they both do, when he stands beside Tris. They are talking about something but it doesn't look serious. Maybe it is and they are hiding it well. I start to turn away when something catches my attention and has me frowning.

There is someone lurking in the darker corner of the room, well away from everyone. He obviously doesn't want to be seen but he also isn't make any moves to hide where his attention is. He is watching Four and Tris with a look of such loathing it takes me back. Considering how placid and cowardly he has been the duration of training, Al's look has the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.

Four moves off from Tris and I can see Al start forward towards Tris. As soon as she sees him, she stiffens and her eyes go deadly. Al seems to shrink in on himself and he slinks off out of the room. My heart is racing with the meaning of this, the fact that I know who the third person was and is. Al.

My eyes dart around the room as Tris falls back in place with our friends but everyone else was oblivious. It seems even Chase and Peter didn't pick up on what happened and I let out a tremulous breath.

I cross my arms over my chest and lightly rub where I have the knife tucked up into the sleeve of my jacket still. That anger in me is begging to break through. My mind is running over all the times my sister has taken up for Al. How she stood in front of a target and let knives be thrown at her for him, so he could stay. How she is always trying to encourage him to do better and try harder. How she even stopped the other initiates from making fun of his crying at night.

Suddenly I feel the need to go. I mumble something about the bathroom to Lynn and Mar who nod, even offering to go with me. I laugh and make a joke about being able to handle my equipment on my own. My laugh sounds brittle and hollow to me but they seem to buy it. I do notice Peter eyeing me but he makes no moves to follow me.

My feet carry me out of the room while I am still lost in thought. I really did mean to go to the bathroom. To run water over my hands and face, to try and calm myself and clear my head. When my feet carry me right past that I know I can't lie about my intentions.

Right now I only have suspicions that Al was the one. What I need is proof of it. Tris isn't going to give him up or she would have already done it. I have a plan of sorts and a direction. I did promise that I would tell them when or if I found out who the third person was and I will.

Once I have found the coward, gotten what I need from him, I will gladly turn him over to Eric. Technically I won't be breaking that promise.

All that is left to do is to think like a coward would. Something that proves harder to do than I would have thought. In the end, I find him huddled on his bed. Face swollen from crying and deep dark circles under his eyes.

A few hours before I would have felt more pity than disgust at the sight of him. Now I have neither of those emotions for the pathetic excuse of a person in front of me. I see a threat that needs to be eliminated. I see my sister dangling from the Chasm and her cries of pain as she was hit. I see this assholes hands on my sister and I know my thoughts of just getting him to talk were lies.

He'll talk alright. I am sure when I finally hand him over to Eric he will talk. A wicked smile crosses my face and I would laugh at the plan that forms if I wasn't so filled with rage and hate.

New plan; get Al to think he is getting off lucky when he is handed over to Eric. Challenge accepted!


	72. I've Got Issues

**A/N: Well it has been a while since I have been able to post. Sorry for the delay for this next chapter but I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: As always, this is still V Roth's Tilt-A-Whirl and I am the hack in the DJ booth hoping to spin a good remix!**

* * *

 **Chapter 72 - I've Got Issues**

 _Eric_

The morning meeting with Max and the other leaders drags on and I can't sit still for shit. I don't know if it is because I am itching to be done with this and get back to tracking down the third person that attacked Tris, or what. Something feels off and has since I let Kat walk out of the apartment this morning. I am not the only one that felt that though. Zach had been frowning after her for the longest and then looked to me with that deepening.

"What?" I had snapped out finally as we walked towards the offices. That frown still hadn't moved and just kept getting more troubled and deeper.

"I expected her to be more upset and harder to get any rational thoughts or promises out of, Eric. If you consider all her fears, how she reacts whenever Tris has been threatened in the past, she is scary calm for her."

I hadn't been able to deny it so I hadn't said anything. I felt the pinpricks of something all over my skin and they were getting worse. I pull out my tablet and open the app I had installed by Chase that would allow me to access cameras on it. The menu shows me all the different areas I can pick from or I can do a screen that has tiny windows to show all the areas. I select the landscape room that they should either already be at or at least heading to. It looks like everyone is already there but me scanning the groups isn't showing me Kat. I scowl as I bring the tablet closer to my face as if that will help me to see what is clearly not there.

"Something wrong, Coulter?" Raze voice breaks my frantic search on the screen.

Not even changing the camera angle showed Kat although I saw every one of her friends, even her sister. I don't answer as movement catches my attention. Peter is pushing his way over to Chase and I don't need to know what he is going to tell him to know that Kat is gone.

"Eric?" Max calls out to me and I look up as I am standing.

"Missing initiate." I grind out roughly. His face goes blank and he gives me a single nod.

"Go." He orders and motions to the door but I am already making my way.

I hear heavy steps behind me and look over my shoulder to see Raze following. I know saying anything to the older man is useless so I just sigh and lift my phone to my ear. Part of me wonders if Raze is still sticking so close when it comes to Kat and I because he still isn't convinced I am not really going to hurt her in some way. I know he still thinks I am completely in Erudites pocket. I shelve my irritation at him and that situation. I can't let it cloud my thinking or actions right now.

Finding Kat is the priority and I at least know he will be with me on that.

"Control, scan the corridors from the landscape room to the pit and tell me if you have any movement from initiates." I bark out the order quickly and then dial Chase.

He answers immediately and I can tell he is moving too. "Peter thinks he knows who it is and that Kat figured it out too. Not sure how but considering he is the only initiate not accounted for…"

"Who?" I interrupt, my jaw clenching.

"Al."

"Find him and we find her." I snarl out before hanging up and picking up the pace.

"Who is it?" Raze rumbles from beside me.

People are moving out of our way quickly once they catch a load of our demeanor and expressions.

"They think the third was Al."

"The farm boy?" Raze asks with an incredulous expression.

I can only nod as well. I am pissed that I discounted him as anyone that might be a threat during our previous review of anyone that might have been responsible the first attack. Molly, Drew; hell even Christina had all been on the forefront of the list at the time. Chase and I had both dismissed the former Candor. A mistake that had my blood raging.

Alerts popped up on both of our phones indicating the path Al had taken, leading straight to the dorm. Kat had disappeared off the cameras but I knew she was there. She knew the hidden paths well now, she would have taken them just like I would have. Avoid being seen. Which meant she had nothing innocent in mind for the coward.

I didn't need to communicate that to Chase, he already knew. What we didn't know was what we would be walking into when we finally made it in.

* * *

 ** _Third Person_**

The rumor mill in Dauntless was working. Working overtime at that. Once again it seemed like a certain transfer was at the heart of those rumors. For once the seemingly outrageous rumors weren't that far off the mark.

All Tris knew was that she was not allowed to see or talk to her sister once again and it was driving her crazy. Especially since she couldn't get it out of her mind...what if…

What if she had told someone, anyone, what Al had tried on visiting day and what she had felt. She had reasoned out that it was just an awkward attempt at a kiss. A misunderstanding from a friend that could be gotten over given a little space. How could she explain the flash of something in his eyes that had unsettled and frightened her? She wouldn't admit to being scared of something or someone. Not here in Dauntless and at the time especially not of someone like Al.

Then had come the attack and while she hadn't seen Al she had somehow known it was him. His smell had overwhelmed her and she had recognized his voice in the dark before things got blurry for her. Even Tobias hadn't believed she didn't have her suspicions. Still, she had kept them to herself. She didn't want him to win...she reasoned. She didn't want any of the three to think they had gotten to her. Al was already headed out of the door, she was sure, based on things Tobias said. He would have punishment enough living among the factionless.

Even when he had confronted her she still hadn't said anything to anyone. She had seen him taking off and she had a shiver of foreboding run down her spine. The same feeling she had the day she stepped into the aptitude test room and the same feeling the first day of sims.

So many things she had kept to herself until she was feeling like she was going to snap. Guilt weighed her down and had her curling her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly hoping to hold herself together.

Kat wasn't even in Dauntless. The attack had finally been bad enough that she was taken to the cities medical facility. She didn't know how to feel that the rumor was going around that Al was just as bad.

Somehow he had come by a knife. There had been a struggle when he attacked her and they both got cut up badly.

Lynn sat beside Tris in her own quiet worry for her sister. She had gotten word from Shauna, some details about what happened though apparently most of it was being classified. All Lynn's own sister could tell her was that when the leaders and trainers made it into the dorm, they had found Al straddling Kat and trying to slit her sister's throat while yelling that this time he would finish the job.

Lynn supposes that it was Al along, working with the other Candor's. There had to be truth to that because leaders had taken Christina away to be questioned.

That didn't make Tris feel any better. Another potential betrayal from another supposed friend.

As if she could sense the line of Tris' thoughts, Lynn threaded her hand through the other girls after taking and squeezing it a little tighter than what would be considered reassuring. It was almost like a promise, as was the look in the Dauntless-born's eyes.

One thing was for sure, from now on Tris knew she would be more mindful of who she trusted and if Christina had been involved in some way, she could guarantee at least one person would be with her in making her life hell should she show her face again.

Uri found the two girls in the Dauntless-born training room looking strained and panting.

"They're moving the transfers to the Dauntless-born dorm." He looked behind him to see Marlene coming up behind him carrying one of the bags they had collected for their friends then looked back to Tris and Lynn. "We didn't think you would want to go into the dorm, so Marlene got your stuff for you, Tris."

"What about Kat's stuff?" Lynn asked in a ragged voice.

Uri shook his head. "They wouldn't let us take it. Lauren said something about it being looked over as part of the investigation."

"Why?" Tris asked in confusion and worry. "It was clearly Al during the other attacks too."

Marlene's expression turned sour and she spits out the answer with venom. "Lauren."

Lynn gave a low growl as she popped up. "Stupid bitch."

"What about her?"

"She's jealous of Kat. Has been since the beginning. You too but not as much as she is of Kat. Lauren was a transfer from Erudite and has always lorded over everyone that she was one of the few high ranking girls much less transfers of her year. You two being ranked so high has her boiling with jealousy and it hasn't gotten much better after Kat beat Tank."

"She let it slip that she thinks one of the members had been giving Kat access to knives. So now she is under suspicion." Uri said tiredly, wiping a hand over his face.

Zeke walked up behind them soon after while they were still discussing what had happened and if there was any word on Kat. He was as tight-lipped as the rest of the leaders while he escorted them all to the new dorm situation. All initiates were under lockdown for the rest of the day. Most considered it a rest and were even happy when dinner was brought to them in the dorm.

Tris and the rest of the group felt like climbing the walls with worry and frustration. It was a long and sleepless night ahead of them.

* * *

 ** _Erudite Medical - Secured Room_**

 ** _Third Person_**

He was cuffed to the bed even though he had no illusions that he would have been able to run even if he were not. Actually, the truth was that he didn't want to find out what would happen if he tried to run. The looks he got from Eric, that he expected even if he still dreaded it and felt like he was barely holding onto his bowels. The ones from Four and Chase, on the other hand, he had not counted on.

He was glad for the brief break from the three older Dauntless' presence. They had all left to go question _her_ ; Al thought of her with malice and frustration. He had failed to eliminate her again and ruined any chances of getting away.

That was what he should have done. Instead of making a last-ditch effort to get Tris alone and take her with him, he should have just run. Even when Kat had first come into the dorm, he had plenty of time to grab the crap he had been given and make a run for it.

Seeing the reason all the plans, everything he had been promised, to be snatched from him walk in that door had taken what little sense he had away. It was all a nightmare, one long fucked up nightmare. From Choosing day until now, it was all a nightmare. One hellish day after another that had kept spiraling until he could almost believe that the fires of hell would be a relief.

All those carefully made plans. All the preparation and excitement he had on that fateful day, had gone up like so much smoke. He had done as instructed though. When he saw Tris' blood hitting the coals, not stones, he followed her even if he had felt like throwing up while doing it. Of the possibilities that he had been told to expect, Dauntless had never been mentioned.

Abnegation or Erudite. Those were the two that he was meant to follow Beatrice too. He had been promised, though, that it would be Abnegation. He had it all planned out. The life he would have had and was meant for. He had been promised that Beatrice and he would marry after initiation. He would finally have the girl he had pined over from the moment she had helped a shy and terrified ten-year-old when he had been being picked on by others of his faction. Beatrice had stepped in and helped to pick up and give him encouraging and kind words. She didn't remember him and they never spoke again. He had watched her from afar and fantasized about her and him being the very best of friends. He hit puberty and the dreams changed. He always meant to go to Abnegation because he knew she would be there.

There was only one person that was to blame for that dream being shattered.

Mary Katherine Prior. Kat.

He almost had her that first time. Just a little harder and little longer would have been all it took to squeeze the life out of her. He hadn't, only because his orders were to bring her to _him_. Orders that he should have ignored but now it was too late.

There had been a hope when Kat had fought him back in that dorm that she would end him. He had seen it in her eyes. Knew she was capable of it but it was like she had held back. At the end, he knew that there was no getting away, but if he was going to go down he had been hell-bent on at least finishing her off.

Marcus had promised to protect him if he succeeded. He never said what would happen if he failed.

There was the sound of a code being put into the security pad of the room he was in. The door opened and then a procession of bodies started to file in. Mostly black-clad men, a few blue-clad medical professionals and then what he dreaded most….the black and white of Candor.

They circled around him. Surrounding him. The air in the room was already cold, but with the looks he was on the receiving end of as well as the dread that filled him upon a syringe being filled with a familiar colored liquid, it dropped to an arctic level of cold.

"Albert West," Jack Kang began as he stepped forward. Al swallowed heavily as the nurse with the syringe came over to him and started to push the serum through his IV. "You are being given truth serum and will be questioned in regards to a series of attacks as well as the possibility of aiding in illegal activities and treason."

He couldn't believe what was happening. He had been assured that Dauntless wouldn't investigate any assaults. That it was commonplace enough that it would just be written off. Dauntless prided themselves on handling everything internally, not letting anyone see weakness within and Candor was rarely, to the point of never, becoming involved.

This wasn't supposed to happen. He tried to protest but it was useless. The questioning began and no matter how hard he tried to stop from telling him the names of everyone involved or what his real motive in everything was, the more violently ill he became. He never could tolerate pain well and broke fast. All resolve to hold the truth in crumbled and he spilled everything.

Al was oblivious to the reactions of those in attendance. He missed the snarls aimed in his direction or the whispered words from one person to another. He missed the strained sharing of glances and the subtle restraining hand upon the arm of the man in black with the maze and symbol forearm tattoos.

Lastly, he missed the lanky frame of Four as he slipped out of the hospital room door with rage and pain in his eyes and the bearing of a man on a mission.

* * *

 ** _Factionless sector_**

 ** _Third Person_**

Shadowed figures made their way stealthily through the rough sector of the city. Staying to streets and alleys that had holes in the surveillance cameras Dauntless tried to keep in working order, they moved quickly. It was a small group. Easily able to slip through those holes, especially since it was led by someone who had complete knowledge of them. Regardless of the assurance that the cameras would not capture their activity, the group of five men further concealed themselves with masks of a black wool material drawn over their faces. The only visible feature being the eyes that had cutouts that allowed the wearer to have an unobstructed view. Even the nose and lips were covered with the material being easy to breathe through.

It took some time to pass the sector for the displaced residents of the city. Their real goal was located in the sector of the caretakers of the denizens, Abnegation.

The home they approached in the deep dark of the night was one of the first one came upon as they entered Abnegation. In appearance, it was a mirror of all the others. Grey concrete formed into the uniformly rectangular house. It was slightly larger than all the others. A privilege afforded by the owner's position in the faction.

The placement was also a symbol of position. It stood apart and ahead of the others to signify that above all, the members of that house stood to take care of and sacrifice for the city. It was a belief held as truth by all members of Abnegation. It was also regarded as a convenience that the revered leader was usually the first person sought out by the factionless who wandered into the factions area.

This was also something that the leader of the group used to his advantage and had intimate knowledge of. If they should be seen, it would look just like other similar occurrences did. It would like a group of the poor factionless seeking assistance from the man that had the power and giving nature to provide.

All of that was lies of course. There would be no assistance sought tonight but justice long due being meted out and the man within might have power but giving was not his nature.

Sadistic. Manipulative. Cold.

Those were the words that could describe the man that lay in his bed, unsuspecting that his bill was coming due faster than he could work to make disappear.

Three of the cloaked men remained outside. Posted as lookouts while the other two slipped in the back door. There was a slight hesitation from one of them before he passed over the threshold. His blue eyes widened and looking as if he was moving through a dream or seeing a ghost.

The other man whispers a question. "Are you sure? I can do this if not."

It snaps the other out of whatever was holding him back and he shakes his head. "No. I need to do this." He whispers back fervently with a hard edge to his words.

He gets a small firm nod back before he steps in front and leads the way up the stairs. The wind picks up outside, making a whistling, howling sound between the buildings. It is just loud enough to mask any muffled shouts or thudding of bodies that might escape from the thick concrete walls of a house used to masking the pain it had housed within.


	73. I Know Your Secrets

**A/N: Sorry for the wait between chapters! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: 'Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.' (James O'Barr, The Crow) V Roth is still Mother to this world and I am just one of the children singing my own tune into the night.**

* * *

 **Chapter 73 - I Know Your Secrets**

 _Kat_

I can hear the whispers of the nurses as they move around my darkened room. It's late and I should be resting now that the flurry of activity, from the moment I was wheeled into the hospital, had died down completely. I looked much worse than I really had been but there had been no telling that to any of the three that had found Al and I locked in battle. If Raze hadn't been there I am pretty sure Eric would have hauled me off to his apartment first. The stab wound on my side had been enough of a motivator for them to take me to the cities hospital right along with Al.

I was so stupid holding back like I had but at the time I had the goal in mind. Get information from Al by baiting him while also stalling enough to let someone witness him attacking me. I knew there was a timer counting down until someone went after me after I didn't go back to the fear landscape room so I knew someone would come, I just couldn't guarantee who it was going to be. Really, it didn't matter to me who saw only that a witness was there to back me up. So I held out. I didn't even strike first, honestly. That was Al. Did I say something that I hoped he would get pissed about and lash out? Absolutely. But I could honestly say, physically, I did not attack the coward.

I hadn't even pulled my own knife at any time during the altercation, preferring to get in some really good damage to him with everything that Eric had taught me. I was being a combination of cautious and cocky and that was what got me the knife in my side. He pulled his own from his pants and I had hesitated, torn between taking my own out or removing the one he had and turning it on him. The hesitation had been enough to make the decision to remove the knife before he could use it useless. He was able to use his height and weight to stab me in my side during the struggle before I was able to break free and then retreated. I prevented him from getting me too bad but it had been bad enough.

I huff out a breath of anger and annoyance at myself that turns into a moan. The older nurse turns to look at me and her eyes narrow as I bite my lip. When she turns back to her co-nurse I can hear her whispering again about Eric. For what seems like the millionth time I hear the word sadistic. My fist clenches to my side as I grit my teeth together to keep in the scream I want to let loose.

Eric's _order_ that I am to receive no heavy pain medications has all the nurses in the area hissing his name under their breaths. One was even brave enough to say something along the lines of it being only logical considering he is one of Jeanine's. Oh, that had me almost launching myself off the table in fury.

The person I am most angry at regarding what has the nurses all bent out of shape is myself. Because the only reason he gave that stupid order was that he knew it was what I wanted. It damn sure isn't what he wants, no matter how livid I know he is with me right now. I knew it killed him to leave me like he did knowing I was going to be in pain. There was nothing for it though. I knew the second I saw Jack in the corridor that both Al and I were going to be questioned and truth serum was going to be administered. I couldn't risk being doped up and trying to fight the serum if I needed to. I know Eric saw that too. I wish he had been able to stay in the room for the questions but he wasn't. He along with the others were on the other side of the glass listening in as Jack, Raze, Chase, and Zach all questioned me in regards to the events. I had been able to lie but I hardly needed to. Every question asked I was able to say with truth even if it wasn't the entire truth.

I am not sure what trouble I am in. Everyone was stoic and I think to wait until they could question Al. I had messed him up pretty badly even though I had tried to hold back. I had come close to losing it a few times and I can admit that when I did was when he got the better of me. I had been trying to taunt him into giving me something of why he did what he did. The only clear thing was he blamed me for everything and that he was obsessed with Tris, maybe even had always been.

Al had been on the verge of telling me before Raze jerked him off of me and knocked him out cold. Part of my goal was achieved, by all appearances he looked like the attacker. He was the one with the knife to my throat spitting down on me in his rage while he was trying to finish me off. Screaming his guilt about the first attempt on me. That alone was worth it.

They should have been done questioning him hours ago but I still haven't heard from or seen any of them. I know a guard is posted outside of my room. I hear the nurses grumbling when he checks everything and anything they bring in to give me.

I keep hoping that someone will come in and tell me something before the sleep medication I heard being ordered and approved is given to me. I know my time is up when the younger nurse turns to me with the syringe in her hand and a well-meaning smile on her face.

"This will only take a few minutes to fully take effect and then that should help you sleep through most of the pain."

I grumble out thanks even though I wish I could rip the IV out. I watch as the solution slowly gets plunged and makes its way through the short clear tubing where it will travel along the plastic inserted into my vein. I feel the rush of it marking its path until it joins with the blood flow and is lost to me. A part of my mind is analyzing everything occurring with my body, reasoning it out as I start to lose control, trying to keep myself from panicking at the loss of control. As my eyes become droopy and my body both feels heavy and relaxed; the panic that was building starts to fade and I have a hazy thought that they probably gave me some kind of calming serum or anxiety medicine because the panic fades until just peace invades me. I am out whether I want it or not and can only hope the god-awful dreams from the past few weeks don't visit me in an Erudite run facility of all places.

Luck or something seems to be with me because for once in I can't remember how long I don't dream at all. Or if I do I don't remember.

* * *

 _Candor Justice Complex_

 _Uploading of classified materials. Authorization: Leaders Only with Level Five Clearance- Jack Kang, Max Cornell, Andrew Prior, Eric Coulter_

 _Accused: Kat Prior_

 _Administered Truth Serum via IV under the supervision of Jack Kang of Candor and Dauntless Leaders: Raze and Eric_

 _Additional witnesses:_

 _Candor: Jane Connor and Wesley Smith_

 _Dauntless: Four Eaton and Chase Oldham_

 _Jack Kang: Kat Prior, you are being administered truth serum so that your role in the incident that occurred today at approximately 1117 hours. I caution you not to fight the serum as it could further exacerbate your injuries and cause considerable pain. Do you understand what I have said?_

 _Kat Prior: Yes, I do._

 _Jack Kang: State your full name, please._

 _Kat Prior: Kat is the name that I have chosen for Dauntless but my birth name is Mary Katherine Prior._

 _Jack Kang: Your faction of birth?_

 _Kat Prior: Abnegation._

 _Jack Kang: You are currently in training to become a member of Dauntless, correct?_

 _Kat Prior: Yes, I am._

 _Jack Kang: Thank you for helping us to establish that the serum is working. Now we will move on to the incident at Dauntless in the dorm room. You were found engaged in a struggle with Albert West. Did you initiate the altercation?_

 _Kat Prior: No. I did not._

 _Jack Kang: There is a reason to believe that Albert was the one that had previously attacked you as well as your sister, did you have any prior knowledge of this?_

 _Kat Prior: I had no reason to think, before today, that Al would have ever been involved in any kind of act of aggression, much less towards my sister. He was always very reluctant and vocal about his distaste and distress in regards to being violent at all. He also seemed to look up to or care for my sister greatly._

 _Jack Kang: You had never had any previous altercations with him or witnessed him being aggressive?_

 _Kat Prior: No. The first time I saw Al behaving that way was today during the attack._

 _Jack Kang: The two of you were in the dorm alone at a time when you were supposed to be attending training. Witnesses say that you left to go to the bathroom. How is that you ended up in the dorm?_

 _Kat Prior: I left the room where the fear landscapes were being held and intended to go to the restroom. I was feeling unsettled from the previous night and wanted to wash my face. I can't explain why I bypassed any other restrooms other than I just went to where I was most familiar with. The two places I most commonly use since my time coming to Dauntless are either the Transfer dorm room or the restroom near the Dauntless-born training room._

 _Jack Kang: Can you explain why there was a knife on your person at the time of the attack?_

 _Kat Prior: After the attack on me in the dorm while I was sleeping I began to feel exposed. Shortly before the attack on my sister, I managed to sneak a knife away during our training exercises. I felt better when I had it on me. It was a bit like I felt prepared should anything or anyone else attack me. It was instinctual in a way. We have all been being trained day in and day out to be prepared to act. I wanted to be prepared._

 _Jack Kang: Yet when you were attacked, and you saw that Al had a knife and had used it, you did not draw your own?_

 _Kat Prior: I honestly was surprised at his attack. I can freely admit I thought and still think he is a coward. By the time he had pulled his own knife, there was no point in me pulling mine, not to mention I didn't think of it. I was focused on trying to keep his from me and getting him down as quickly as I could._

 _Jack Kang: Did you have the intention to kill Albert West?_

 _Kat Prior: No, I had no intention of killing him. When he attacked I was only thinking about stopping him. He had already admitted to me that he was behind both attacks and I knew that Leadership needed to handle this. Although I can admit now, that had it come down to it and there was no other way, I would have protected myself by any means._

 _Raze: It has been brought to our attention by an accusation that you were given the knife by a member. Is this true?_

 _Kat Prior: Absolutely not. No one but me knew I had the knife and I wanted it to stay that way. That was what made me feel safer. That no one would expect me to have a knife to protect myself. That was the only purpose of my having the knife. For the feeling of safety and protection, it gave me and the knowledge that should anyone attack me I would have something to defend myself with. No one gave me the knife or had any knowledge of my having it._

 _Jack Kang: We are done with questioning. Thank you for your Candor._

 _Questioning concluded. Investigation pending and under the purview of the faction the subject belongs to. Candor has concluded that the subject was defending themselves and as such there was no criminal intent._

 _Dauntless will take the matter further as per their own factional laws._

* * *

 _Eric_

I watched the ice blue eyes of Jeanine Matthews as she absorbed the document before her and made sure to keep my face clear of any emotion. It was too early to feel smug but I could already see her frustration and anger behind that icy exterior she likes to maintain.

There had been no keeping things from Jeanine now. Not with this last attack and the information that leaked it had to do with both Prior girls but also hints that somehow Marcus Eaton was involved. We had known this was going to happen and that she was going to want to be updated. There was also no way that it could be kept from the other leaders of all factions any longer. The investigation had gotten to that point.

We had the bastard. It had come at the cost of yet another goddamn attack on Kat, but it had gotten the job done. Al had spilled everything and under the truth serum had admitted, with no small amount of pain, that Marcus had been behind it all.

It was a good thing they hadn't let me in that room by myself and that Zach, as well as Chase, had been there with me. They had helped me keep my shit together when it all came out. I don't know how Four was able to manage it.

I frown as I look around at the others with me at the table when a thought hits me in regards to Four. Because for the life of me, I don't remember him being in the room when I stormed out after Al was done spilling his guts. In fact, I can't remember him heading back to the compound for the fucking meetings we have all been stuck in since leaving the MedCenter. It is early in the morning the day after Kat and Al fought but there have been several meetings already, having begun at dawn and I don't remember Four being in one of the ones he should have been in.

I would ask the others but now isn't the time. Right now, in this private meeting with Jeanine, Max, James and myself; it is all about the fact that Jeanine isn't liking what she is hearing in regards to Kat. She has been passing all markers and tests that are given to those that might be divergent. Right now it is about making sure that it is driven home that Kat has become counted as removed from the list and distract the bitch with someone else she has it out for.

Jeanine purses her lips together and lays the paper containing the transcript from Kat's questioning on the table. As soon as she heard about the attack she had sent out the demand for truth serum administration. It had worried the hell out me but it wasn't something that could be bypassed anyways. We already knew we were going to have to give it to Al and I couldn't rig it to make it look like I had given the serum to Kat without raising suspicion.

I had to stand by and hope that she would be able to resist. I had to hope that my telling the nurses not to give her any pain medication would help with that too. _That_ had been the only reason I had given that order. To hell with knowing she wouldn't have wanted it, at that point, I didn't give a fuck about what she wanted. She sure as hell hadn't given a thought to me not wanting to have her laying in that goddamn bed.

Either way, she was able to bypass the serum while still looking and sounding exactly like someone under the influence of it. It probably helped that almost every bit of her answers were true. The only one that was a lie she worked in with the truth so seamlessly that it hadn't been noticeable to anyone. The only reason I knew it for the lie it was because I recognized my own damn knife.

Zach had pointed out to me as we were being forced to leave her at the MedCenter under guard that she had been truthful in everything else. I knew he was trying to calm me down and it worked somewhat but not fully. Because I knew what she wasn't saying. She hadn't gone there to kill him but she had sought him out purposely. She had meant to turn him over to us...to me...but not until she got her answers first. Not before she got her hands on him to get her own revenge and justice.

I know her too well and what she was going for. It was and is the exact same thing I would do. It still is leaving me feeling things that I am still struggled to handle fully.

Max clears his throat as Jeanine picks up a glass of water and takes a dainty sip. I know she is stalling for time to be able to come up with a plan to still keep Kat on the watch list.

"As you can see, given the normal indicators for divergence have failed to present themselves, as well as this new development; it is safe to say that we can move forward and remove the candidate from the list." Max's tone was unemotional and just matter of fact but he didn't stop there. "Of course we can and will continue to be vigilant for the remainder of training. There are still the fear landscapes as well as the final test, and given the intensity of those if there is any divergence it will present itself then as it has before."

Jeanine sets the glass down and looks over to Max before letting her eyes fall on me. "I will expect to be kept up to date on all matters regarding those in question from here on."

I didn't even bother giving any signs of agreement, having already decided to let Max handle this next little bit. It was this that had me itching with anticipation. All this time there has been this hold that Jeanine has had on Dauntless, on me, something dangling over our heads that has us making deals with the devil that she is. I don't know what Max's deal was or what his drive could be. What I do know is that after our meeting with Jack and Andrew, before the one we are having now, it felt like everything had changed.

I could almost see years worth of troubles, frustration, and burden, if not lifting from the older man's shoulders at least that there was an end in sight after the final verdict.

Marcus Eaton was being removed from his position as a leader and then would stand trial for his numerous crimes.

We had done it. I knew that this would please Jeanine but I also saw the other side of that coin. With Marcus gone, there was a _very_ strong chance that all the cards she had to get her way and have any kind of control over Dauntless, were going to disappear after his removal. There will have to be another leader elected and with all the deference and respect I saw from other leaders to Andrew Prior, I already knew who was likely to be chosen. If he was elected, there could be some real chance for change around here.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I missed the beginning of Max informing Jeanine of the new developments. By the time he is done, I can tell my guesses are correct. She is pleased but I also see in those eyes she is already calculating.

"I am assuming that the emergency council meeting that also included the request for all faction leaders or representatives present is to inform us of Marcus' immediate removal?" Jeanine asks, knowing full well that is the case. That it is the protocol even if it has never had to be used before.

"Yes. There will also be the call for the immediate election of a new leader." Max agreed without looking at her.

Did he guess how she would react to the possibility of Andrew being elected? Would his knowing or at least suspecting her obsession with the Prior's change how he might vote, for fear of rocking the boat with her?

"I see." Is her simple reply with her lips thinned.

The loud sounding of my phone alerting me to code 240 possibly 217 pierces the strained quiet. The codes are both indicators of an assault but the second one notes that there might have been an intent to kill. The only time we use codes is if it would be a high profile or priority incident. Where details cannot be given over message but would need to be given in person.

Once again I am leaving a meeting, to the obvious and vocal displeasure of Jeanine, but this time I head with Chase to Control.

He beat me by seconds and is already barking out orders as soon as we reach the secured area. Zeke is in there furiously working on the monitors.

"Report." Chase snaps out formally before I can get to it.

Zeke's head snaps up and he takes us in, maybe looking for anyone else that might be behind us. It strikes me once again, that I am not seeing Four. He should be here already and especially right now.

For a second I forget why I am even in control as the thought that maybe he snuck back to the MedCenter strikes me, and suddenly I have rage flowing through me at the thought of him alone with Kat.

Then the report Zeke is giving Chase and I registers.

"There was an attack, it looks like by some factionless, in Abnegation last night." He gets out in a strained tone and I can see the worry in his eyes.

For a moment, time stands still and I all I can think is that Marcus got to Andrew and Natalie. All I can think is that I have failed Kat and how she is going to react to this news.

"Details. Now." Chase barks out and is already moving on his own to the monitors and computers.

"Marcus Eaton never turned up at the Hub this morning and all attempts by phone or messages to reach him failed. A member was sent to check on him and found him unresponsive and in critical condition in his home."

"Marcus Eaton?" I choked out in disbelief. "Marcus Eaton was attacked?"

Zeke nods and looks up to me, then I see his eyes slide past me to look over my shoulder. I turn my head and catch sight of a familiar figure. Four is standing in the doorway, fists clenched at his sides but otherwise silent and expressionless.

"You said that factionless are suspected?" I ask while my eyes are still locked onto Four's.

"There was one person that came forward and said there had been some factionless men in the area earlier that day, just before dinner that had been confrontational to a few of the Abnegation women there. They did eventually leave but they were heard to be throwing back yelled threats as they left."

Four looks surprised for a moment, relieved and pleased even before it is gone. Gone so quickly that if someone hadn't been looking for it or any kind of reaction they wouldn't have seen. But I did and I turned my head from Four to look at Chase.

"We'll put together a team to go investigate. This will be classified just like the investigation into Marcus has been. Zeke, take Rob and head to the MedCenter to get more information on Marcus' condition and post a guard there. Chase, you and I will head to the Abnegation sector and meet up with the group there." I issue the orders and turn to face Four, who is still standing in the doorway. I debate for a second before I make a decision. "Four, take Wes and Cecil to the factionless sector and see what you can get on the group from the previous day. Also, pull any footage from that entire time until Marcus was found. See if we have anything that came up on our vid surveillance."

Four gives me a tense nod but I am already moving on to the next step. My phone is out and I have updated Jack and Max. I will let Max handle if he wants to inform Jeanine or not and also contacting Andrew.

I am typing as I walk beside Chase. My thoughts are running a million miles a minute but there is one big question on my mind. Would Four actually have had the balls to pull something like that off?

Chase and I take a transport ourselves, with him driving. We aren't ten minutes out of the complex when he speaks up from beside me, his voice quiet but firm. "It was Four."

My head was buried in my phone, sifting through all the information and all the intel that is being fed to me via messages. Four did the surveillance portion of my orders, but as expected there isn't shit on the cameras that give us a clue to who might have pulled off the attack.

I pull my face away from the screen and look over to Chase. "It if it was then that would be putting more weight to those peanuts he is passing off as his balls." I scoff with a smirk. "The more likely story, the one I know we are going to confirm when all is said and done," I say meaningfully, "...is that it was factionless."

Chase glances at me and a ghost of a smile lift the corners of his mouth. He knows what I am doing but he isn't going to say it. He better not say it anyways. Because fuck if I am doing this for goddamn Four. I just know it would kill Kat if fucking Tobias went to jail for doing what we all want to do.

What I wanted to do and would have...eventually. I can give him a pass for taking away the pleasure I would have had for that deed because in the end it just did me the favor of getting him out of the picture as a threat to Kat and her family. I refuse to let this make me like or respect him.


	74. The Future Is Now

**A/N: Well, it only took about 75 chapters to be done with initiation. Good gravy. That's what I get for going back and editing and adding so darn much. I hope this answers a lot of your questions. There is still drama to be had. I am still debating on actually using the chapter I have that covers the landscapes or not. If that is something anyone could do without, let me know. If it is something you guys just must have let me know too! I always, always, always, appreciate feedback. Reviews are my favorite candy! Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I own naught but my own plot and the cherry bombs I toss within.**

* * *

 **Chapter 74 - The Future Is Now**

 _Kat_

Hell Week!

Two words that describe it perfectly. This week, my final week of training has been absolute hell on me. Starting from the moment I was released from the hospital.

Zach had been the one to get me in a transport from Dauntless around 0900 in the morning that next day. I was proclaimed unable to travel by train but regardless I had to be taken to Candor so the transport would have been used anyways. He couldn't fill me in on what Al had told them or what, if anything, my punishment was going to be. That had to wait even though he was trying to be reassuring to me.

I asked about Eric and his expression had told me everything.

I got to see it firsthand as I was brought into a large chamber. It looked like what was described in our faction history books as a courtroom. There was a long table that curved into a crescent moon along the front of the room. There were chairs on the side that ran parallel with the wall, facing out to rows of chairs that also had a crescent moon shape into how they were laid out. In the center of the room was two tables set up with a chair placed between the two tables.

One table was meant for the accused or person being questioned and their counsel. The second table was meant for whatever party made up the opposing side and their counsel. The chair was for whoever was called to be questioned to sit in.

Zach had ushered me in and towards a group of people all dressed in black. All of them rushed me when they got sight of me. Tris got to me first, followed quickly by the rest of my friends. They explained that all of the initiate class had been brought to Candor. Some to be questioned and give testimony but because such a large part of the class had either been involved or affected in some way, leadership thought it best to bring them all in to witness what was going on. The involvement of other initiates and what leadership felt was an attempt at sabotaging the initiation is what had all of us there.

I thought for sure I would be on the hot seat again but my questioning under serum was being used. I didn't have long to feel relieved. First off, there was Eric. I could feel the waves of rage radiating off of him. He, along with the other leaders, greeted me. Raze is the one that gave a rundown of what we could expect.

Tris and I saw our father among the leaders that were at the table on the other side of the room. A glance around and I saw our mother with other Abnegation in their designated area. She gave us an appraising look as if just checking us to make sure we were ok, but she couldn't do much more than smile reassuringly at us either.

The next two hours were hell in so many ways. The first is that my sister and friends finally found out about Marcus and my time in Abnegation. Not every single detail was given but enough for them to know about the threats, the abuse and the use of factionless to assault and harass.

I knew it would be made public eventually but I hadn't counted on it being so soon. My encounter with Al is what moved that up.

With this being put out there I knew I would need to talk to Tris about my friendship with Four. I could tell by the stunned reaction she had, he still hadn't told her himself.

My friends and sister weren't the only ones that were blindsided by information. I had a few surprises myself. The biggest one was that Marcus Eaton had been attacked and lay in a coma that they are uncertain he would wake from. It was determined that it was done by factionless but only after evidence was presented to establish that.

Four was brought in to testify on his whereabouts the night of the attack. His own past wasn't brought up but it was hinted at the fact that the relationship wasn't a good one. The surprise came when Eric of all people stood up and verified that Four had been assisting with the questioning of myself and Al. After he completed that he had been under orders to try and locate the other former initiates that Al had named in having assisted him before. I wasn't sure who was more stunned by that development; me or Four. It made suspicious of why Eric would be covering for him.

Tris had a death grip on my hand during all of this but I could also see her looking guilty. Especially when we got to Al and the part he played in all this. Al's parents had known Marcus when he was in Candor. They had all remained friends, with Marcus being an advisor of sorts at times. It was through them that Marcus approached Al. It had been clear the young man wasn't going to be staying in Candor. He often talked about going to Abnegation with his parents and about a girl there; my sister. The promise was for him to be matched with Tris when they both made members after initiation. The catch was that Marcus had said there were signs Tris wouldn't stay in Abnegation but it was expected that the faction would be Erudite that she would choose if not Abnegation. Albert was to choose whatever faction Beatrice did. They had never planned for Dauntless. On visiting day, he had been given new orders and the tools to carry them out. That was how he got his knife and the drugs used on me.

The attack on Edward had been a distraction. Just collateral damage so that the real target, me, could be hit. Molly and Drew had used the fact that Edward was first to guide their choice because they had been forbidden from doing anything to Tris. Otherwise, they were just told to attack someone and it didn't matter who else it was. Al used the distraction to drug me and try to get me out of the compound. He didn't know what was going to happen then but I am pretty sure I can figure out what had been planned.

It was a favorite threat of Marcus' and something I have only told Eric about.

The attack on my sister had been partly a mistake and partly planned. Al _had_ meant it for me but Molly and Drew didn't care which Prior sister they got at that point. When Al had seen they had Tris, he had planned instead to drug her like he had me before that and run. He knew his days in Dauntless were numbered and he was going to take his prize with him. He had admitted that he attacked me in the dorm in hopes to take me out and get back on Marcus' good side so that he would protect him. He planned on killing me.

Besides Molly and Drew, there had been one other initiate that knew something was up though she did not take part and did not know the details. Christina had been approached by Molly directly after the attack in the dorm on Edward and me. She hadn't been told what they were going to do but it had been hinted that they were going to make sure they stayed by any means necessary. Christina admitted that she realized the three Candor's had something to do with the attack and had felt threatened should she tell anyone anything.

At the end of all that it was determined that Christina would be allowed to return to finish initiation but by unanimous decision of the Dauntless leaders, she would be docked heavily in her score.

I didn't get away clean. Though it was clear the attacks geared to me, there was still the matter of the knife. Lynn was able to tell me that Lauren accused me of getting the knife from a member, which is why it was part of my questioning. It was a petty move driven by jealousy apparently.

I could see Lauren looking smug when I was told that I would have my score reduced for removing a knife from the training room. That smug look was also wiped clean from her face when not one but four of the five leaders had something positive to say about me being prepared.

Eric had echoed that but he had also added a dig to me that I still had some lingering Abnegation that needed to be stamped out. We had glared at each other over the distance until all of us were dismissed.

I still couldn't ride the train so I had to take the transport back. Though Eric was in the backseat with me, we didn't exchange any other words. I know we were both itching to but we weren't alone or just with Chase and Zach. So we sat in stewing silence.

When we got back to Dauntless, the gates of hell opened for all of us when training resumed and kicked up in high gear.

* * *

Three days in and we have just been concentrating on the fear landscapes. Considering I have been restricted from major physical activity for that long, that was a good thing. Not that the landscapes have been a walk in the park. The fears aren't ours that we are facing or practicing with. The landscapes are pulled from all three of our trainers and we don't know whose we are in. They aren't allowed to help us or give us hints on how to get through them. We are all on our own. The only good thing about those fear landscapes is that at least we all know we aren't the only ones with some messed up fears.

* * *

Today began the final days of physical. Which is already hard even when you are... _mostly_...uninjured. Like the majority of the rest of the initiates are, barring two Dauntless-born who apparently were trying to climb the wall in the pit while drunk and fell. One ended up with a hairline fracture to his left leg in the upper thigh area and the other broke a few fingers.

So for those two and me, these next few days will completely live up to the promise of what this week has in store.

I have had very few interactions with Eric since I was released from the hospital. I have seen him here and there during fear landscapes and a few times at dinner but any alone time or personal interactions have stopped.

I wish I could believe what Chase was trying to assure me of. That he couldn't, that we couldn't, risk that right now. If I had been being watched before, if my actions were under a microscope before, it is nothing compared to what they are now. I can see there is that factor but I know there is more.

Eric has pulled away and I feel it. I see it when he looks at me but I can't determine what is going on in his mind. I know I pissed him off, badly, and I broke a promise to him. I almost think I can guess though, knowing him as I do now. I hurt Eric, scared him even, and the only way he knows how to deal with that is to shut it down and shut me out.

I might be wrong about that, it might be my own insecurities or fears. My guilt. It seems I will never escape that feeling no matter where I go. It is actually only getting worse.

Waking up the morning after this latest attack, laying in the bed to hear the activity around me but no one there or willing to talk to me, I was left alone with my thoughts. After going to Candor and finding out everything I have, it's just gotten so much heavier. With us being so busy we really haven't had time to talk.

I sigh into the night air of the roof and shake my head. That's not completely true. We have had some time and Tris, Lynn, Zach, and Marlene; they have all tried to get me to talk. Zach especially, but I just haven't been able to.

I didn't expect to feel so damn guilty about the fallout of taking Marcus down. I can't even explain _why_ I feel guilty. They are all looking at me with eyes imploring that I talk about it all, especially my sister, and I just can't.

I couldn't take their looks anymore so I didn't even go to dinner. I slipped off and found my way to the rooftop Eric had taken me too. Where we first kissed and confessed how we felt. I want and need Eric, the safety and comfort just being around him or his apartment. I can't go there and I can't even be near him right now. So I came here.

I don't plan on staying long. It's too cold to be able to but it is giving me time to breathe.

I hear the door to the roof open and I tense. There is barely any moon tonight and the light of stars is mostly obscured by clouds. The semi-walled in area, I am huddled in does keep me mostly out of sight. Heavy footfall heads towards my direction and I huddle more but also brace myself if I need to spring up or defend myself.

A few more steps and the silhouette of the intruder comes into view and my heart flips as well as my stomach. His head tilt and body posture would tell me if the tingle of awareness I always have had with him didn't.

"So getting stabbed wasn't enough, now you want to see if you can survive hypothermia." Eric's voice is raspy and flat. Purposely emotionless.

I close my eyes against the burn of that. "No. I didn't plan on staying long. Just...needed to clear my head."

He sighs and walks forward to squat down then sits down with his back against the wall. There is space between us that seems to turn the air even colder around me.

"How is that working out for you?" He asks me with a bit more emotion in his voice, tiredness.

"Not great," I whisper and tuck my chin into my knees that are pulled up to my chest.

"Kat," He groans my name and sighs. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"

I don't answer. Just let the silence loom between us until his rumbled growl pierces the night then he huffs. "Come here, baby."

I look at him but don't move. "But we can't…"

"Kat." He stops me and holds out his arm, motioning me towards him. "Please, kitten."

I am already sighing in relief and I'm not even in his arms. That is soon changed because I scramble in a weird sort of crab walk the short distance to his side. I would have been content to just lean into his side but he wasn't. He guides me so that I am straddling his lap with our chests and foreheads together. Our exhales of breath combine together.

We don't say anything for a few seconds but I know that won't last long and I am right when he shakes his head slightly against mine.

"Hell week doesn't usually live up to its name for me, at least not since I went through my own. Before I enjoyed it and not just because I got to mess with the initiates. I like it because we can see how far you have all come. It's putting all the shit together we harp on the initiates about and, hopefully, seeing them doing it all on instinct." He tightens his hold on me and drops his head to the crook my neck and breathes in deeply. "This one though, makes me believe there is such a thing as karma."

I had let my hands go to the back of his neck and push under the collar of his jacket so that I can get to his skin. I slowly started to rub and massage as he started speaking.

"Why would you say that?" I inquire softly while still working his neck.

He lifts his head back from my shoulders and snorts derisively. "For all the times I have tormented people. All the times I called someone weak just for caring more about someone else other than themselves. Now I am the one that is tormented and I can't think for shit!"

He moves suddenly, pulling my face to his and crashing our lips together. Frantic and needy is the way we kiss and get lost in each other until the need to actually breath fresh air and not each other's makes us break apart.

"I don't know all of what is going on in your mind but I can guess at one part of it. Do you really think I have _wanted_ to keep away from you? That I wanted to shut off how much I wanted and needed to be with you after all that shit? Jesus, if I could have, I would have taken you straight from the MedCenter and locked you up in the fucking apartment. No matter how mad I was and still am, that doesn't change this for me. I had hoped you would see that I had to keep away. I still should be staying away, baby. I just couldn't anymore, especially when you have shut everyone out. You aren't eating, barely sleeping. You're fucking killing me here."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to worry anyone. I just…" I stop talking and sniff back the tears that are begging to come out.

"Talk to me then, Kat. What's going on?"

I let out a shaky breath and try to put it all into words. "Everything I touch, I ruin. All I do is bring people pain or misery. Not just people close to me or that I care about but everyone around me. They all end up being targeted because of me or just collateral damage. Marcus told me this all the time and I didn't want him to be right but he was...he is right. I try to make things better but...everything I touch turns to shit. I bring nothing but pain and misery."

By the time I am done speaking, the tears have broken free. Eric's fingers are digging into my scalp he is holding me so tightly in place and I don't need the light to see that he has a scowl on his face. His chest is moving fast against mine and he is fighting to get his breathing back to normal.

"Fuck!" He yells into the night, startling me. "I swear if I could I would go and end that bastard once and for all. Goddammit, Kat." He pulls me against his chest and presses my head to his shoulder. I am still crying as I clutch at his jacket.

We both calm down while he is running a hand over my back over my jacket. It takes several minutes for this to happen and I am hiccuping by the time I stop crying enough to talk.

"Okay." Eric began, drawing the word out slowly as he breathed through his nose. "Here is what we're going to do. We are going to talk about this. Will you talk through it with me?" The last question was said softly. Imploring me to open up to him.

I nod into his chest for a reply. He takes a deep breath before acknowledging with a simple. "Okay."

My ears and nose are red a little numb from the cold and occasional crying outburst by the time he declares we have to head back to get sleep. He warned me I wouldn't be getting much of it over the next few days. All part of the next phase of Hell Week. He holds me close on the way through the path that will let us out near the dorm we now share with the Dauntless-born.

My mind is still analyzing everything we talked about. That is the only word I could use to describe it because that is what we did together. If someone had been listening in to our conversation, they would have flinched or been upset with how cold or uncaring Eric had sounded as he forced me to reason through all my guilt. He might sound cold but it was just the only way he knew how to help me deal with everything I was feeling. Putting everything he himself was feeling to the side so he could be there for me.

He got me to see the truth, what I always knew but was just to caught up in the emotion of it all to admit. The truth was that Marcus was to blame. That I always knew. It was also the truth that Marcus would have done what he did, if not to me, then to someone else. Possibly even Tris herself. What Marcus had been doing in the faction and to me would have happened regardless. His treatment of Evelyn and Tobias, things I know he has done and is capable of doing; it is just in his nature.

Eric also pointed out something that I hadn't thought of. I knew my father was respected and looked to in Abnegation but I hadn't ever seen that he was by other faction leaders as well. Apparently, Eric made observations weeks ago that given the choice they would have wanted my father in Marcus' place. With how quickly and how pleased most people looked with the announcement of his election, I could see it finally. Marcus was smart and would have picked up on this. He likely felt my dad was a threat long before I got involved. Considering that Marcus told me himself he sent the factionless after my sister and I that day so long ago, I can see it all now.

Eric pulls up short before we get to the area where we will separate again. We alternate between kissing and just holding each other tightly.

"A few more days, angel. This shit is almost over. I need you to promise me that you will put everything into the last few days. 'Cause baby, they _are_ going to be hell. We aren't going to let you guys sleep for long, running you through all kinds of shit until it's time for you to face your landscapes." He lifts my head with his hand under my chin. I can see his worry in the weak blue light of the hallway. "Promise me."

I nod and smile at him. "I promise."

He sighs and nods. "You better go. I'm seriously having a hard time keeping myself from taking home already."

I raise up on tiptoes and pull his head to mine to kiss him soundly. "I'm going to make you proud, Eric. I promise." I whisper then pull back and run away before I let him do what we both want.

I head straight to the dorm. The Dauntless-born dorm is a bit nicer than the ones put aside for transfers. During most of the year, this is used as barracks for the patrols and guards. It's not that the beds are any fluffier or the furnishings are fancy. What makes this dorm nice is that it is a bit larger, there are actual lockers for everyone's crap, and the damn thing is clean.

Like, you could eat off the floor clean. And it doesn't smell like rotten eggs were stuffed into smelly damp socks then hidden all over the room. Between the guards and patrols making sure it stays clean when they are in it as well as the Dauntless-born; it is nowhere near the hell hole that we had been in. The bathrooms are still fairly open but it is better maintained. Those two things alone make this dorm a palace.

I barely get into the door before I am grabbed. I start to freak out until I see it's just Lynn, Tris, and Marlene. They all but carry me to my bed and then when I am there, they all take up positions to hold me down. Lynn is holding down my upper body while the other two get my legs.

"Be careful of her ribs, Lynn." Marlene huffs out as I struggle against them.

"What the hell guys!" I yell and look around. Peter just gives me a shrug and strained smile from his bed where he is sprawled out. Most everyone else is getting ready or already in bed.

"This is an intervention. If we have to handcuff you to this bed so you will stop running from us like a goddamn whipped puppy, I will." Lynn snarls at me.

I am scowling back at her with narrowed eyes. "I am not running from you," I grumble finally.

"You have been running from us, Kat," Tris says quietly from the other leg she is holding down.

I sigh and stop struggling against them. "I know." I relax into the bed and stare up at the ceiling.

"Look," Lynn says as she lets go of me and moves back until she is just perched on the side of my bed that is by hers. "You might not want to talk about shit and I can get that. I respect it. We all understand that you might not want or be able to talk about it. We aren't going to bug you to talk but the running from us stops. The not eating, barely sleeping, walking around like a zombie...that shit stops now. Got it."

Marlene and Tris are on the bed beside mine, looking at us but remaining quiet. I see Uriah sitting up in his bed not far from them and giving me a pleading look.

With a sigh, I push up to a sitting position and nod. "Got it."

There are relieved sighs. "Good, because I heard from Zeke and Four that they are going to really be putting us through the ringer," Uriah said with a queasy look on his face.

I nod and smile at him. "Yeah, I heard something about that too."

Everyone exchanges worried looks at this. It is coming down to the wire and we are all excited but worried how we will all end up ranking. The only good thing to come out of all the shit that has happened was the announcement made by leadership two days ago. Because of the interference with initiation, this last round will not have massive cuts.

There are conditions to this though. There is still scoring and ranking. This will still determine our job options. Finally, if a person has below a set amount of points they could be cut.

When Eric had announced this from the balcony his eyes had been locked onto Christina.

"You missed dinner," Tris says as she goes reaches for something on her bed. "Zeke talked the kitchen into putting together something for you."

I hadn't been hungry at all at dinner time. I haven't been hungry for most meals lately but when she flips the box lid open my stomach gives a loud growl when the smell hits me and I see what is inside.

"Yum," I say with a laugh and take the box from her. She is smiling but I can tell she doesn't want to go over to her bed like Lynn and Mar decided to do. I scoot over and make room for her to sit beside me.

She sits down with her smile widening but stays quiet, letting me eat. I look around the room and see Christina off in a far corner. Since coming back she has kept to herself but I think that even if she hadn't she would be isolated. No one was happy that she had known who was responsible for the attacks, knew they were going to try again and had not said a thing. To the Dauntless-born this was a firm sign she didn't belong. For the rest of transfers, well it was a betrayal.

"How are you doing with what you found out about Christina?" I ask in between bites.

We hadn't talked about what we had discovered at Candor. I think it was a combination of me avoiding them along with us being caught up in this last week of training. It was also, I think, everyone trying to process it for themselves. I know Will was a little less jovial than he normally was. I can't even imagine how he was taking it.

"I am glad that she wasn't involved in it but I don't think I will ever forgive that she knew something and didn't at least warn us. I can understand not having gone to leadership. We know for ourselves that after Edward they said they couldn't do anything without proof. She still could have at least told us." She frowns hard in the direction where Christina is settling into bed. "You know, I am actually more upset for Will's sake. You heard from Molly's questioning that they had been seriously torn between Edward or Will."

I wipe my hands on the napkin she handed me after I finished the breaded chicken pieces I had discovered I loved when we got here. Chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and chocolate milk. One of my favorite meals. I hear teasing from Uri all the time that it is the standard kid's meal in Dauntless. He doesn't seem to realize he tends to get the same things just as much as I do.

I take the spoon that was in the box and scoop a big delicious blob of fluffy white mashed potatoes and close my eyes with a sigh. I hear Tris giving a quiet chuckle while I finish off my dinner.

I sigh in satisfaction and close up the box. All around us, everyone else is already going to much-needed sleep. Tris is still sitting on my bed beside me, staring intently at her hands.

"Tris," I start out and put one of my hands over hers, "I know there is so much we need to talk about. I want you to know that I haven't liked keeping things from you. There was just so much that I haven't even been able to really deal with myself. Talking about it was almost impossible for the longest time. I promise though, I will. Right now, I want us to just get through the rest of initiation. It isn't going to be easy to put all of this aside, but...could we?"

She covers my hand and grips it tightly. "I know there are a lot of things we both have to tell each other but I just wanted to say one thing." She looked at me with her eyes blazing with tears but something else as well. Her lips quiver just the slightest when she starts to speak again in a hushed tone. "No matter what any test, any sim, or any person says; you are Dauntless. You are everything I thought I would find when I came here and I am so sorry I didn't see that...it was always right there. I am sorry if I made you feel like it was something to be ashamed of or hide, that was always out of my own fear for you. I wanted to protect you, Kat. Your my little sister and it was always _my_ job to protect you. I know I failed…"

"Stop." I plead with her as I hug her to me. "You didn't fail me, Tris. We both have been trying to protect each other from things but I think that we forgot that we always did so much better when we worked together. We did what we thought was best, we did our best against something so much bigger than ourselves."

She tightens her arms around me and nods with a sniffle. I pull back and look at her, we smile at each other. "Now is about our future. Making a place for ourselves and not worrying about what was in the past. When we jumped off the roof and gave our new names we left all that behind. Back there, that was Beatrice and Mary Katherine. Girls who never really got to be themselves but knew their day would come. This is our day."

She gives me a laugh and shakes her head. "Well, to quote Lynn. Let's kick ass and take names then."

"Damn straight!" Lynn yells from her bed beside me.

Laughter is what ends the night. Tris and I get ready for bed. I don't know about her but I fall under deep and fast. It's one more weight lifted that had been sitting on my chest. Now all that is left to do is live up to those words and my promise.


	75. Ready For This

**Disclaimer: I still own naught but my own plot and my dungbombs I toss within.**

* * *

 **Chapter 75 - Ready For This**

 _Kat_

"Is it weird that I am going to miss it?" Tris mumbles sleepily from her bed.

We are laying in our own beds, facing each other, and seconds from dropping into the sleep our bodies and minds desperately need. The dorm is empty besides us and is absolutely still.

We just finished our landscapes. Tris went first and I went third. We were given the choice of sticking around and waiting for the others or heading back to get sleep. The seven of us had all decided we would be coming back to the dorm to sleep as soon as our turns were over. Tris had waited for me while Uriah, who went second, is waiting for Mar.

"Initiation?" I ask in a yawn.

"Mhmm."

"No, I don't think it's weird. I know there has been so much going on. Some of it really...well, just not great. But I get why you would miss it." I sigh tiredly as I crack open an eye and look at her. "We don't know what kind of jobs we are going to get offered or what might be in store for us. We won't be together like this again."

"Yeah. It kind of feels like we have been here for way longer than just what….two months now?" I can hear the wonder at that and I hum in agreement.

"It does feel like initiation has just kind of...dragged on." I am fading and feel as if my body is becoming one with the course bedding and thin mattress.

It is quiet for a few seconds and then I hear a small giggle from Tris. I crack open my eyes and look at her, annoyed. I forgot how silly she can get when she gets overtired.

"What?" I sigh out.

Her giggle increases and she looks at me. "I can't believe they had us playing ' _How Dauntless Are You'_ to keep us awake."

I huff out a laugh and close my eyes. "Yeah, Lynn and I were both shocked when Chase announced it. It had to be his idea because Eric and Four were looking like they needed to take the biggest shits ever with their expressions."

"Ewww." She squeals and we break into laughter.

Ok, so my sister isn't the only one that can get slap happy when she is overtired. "We need to sleep before the others get here. I have a feeling if they see us still up they are going to try and make us get up and go do something stupid."

She agrees with me and it doesn't take long for us to pass out. We had barely gotten any sleep before we were started on the fear landscapes at dawn. Because of the schedule being thrown off with having everyone go to Candor the final test had been moved to the day after it had originally been scheduled for. It was also set to start around 0800 but leadership thought 0500 would be better. That way it gave everyone time to get through the sims and then free to sleep afterward.

Tomorrow we would find out where we stood as far as rankings go. I drifted to sleep a little reassured by both mine and my sister's times. It ended up we both had seven fears but the surprise was I had a slightly better time than her. She told me that one of her fears changed and it threw her off by the few seconds that put me ahead of her in time.

She wasn't the only one that had a fear changed. The fear that I had struggled with regarding Marcus and him assaulting my family, the one that revealed to Four what had been going on, that fear changed. It shouldn't surprise me because I had dreams similar to the new fear leading up to the final test. I am not sure why it replaced the one with Marcus but it hadn't been any easier. I had struggled against myself in this one. Me being the cause of someone I love's death has always been a big fear for me. In my new fear, I was being ordered to execute Eric. My first instinct, that I had to fight hard against, was to turn the gun on myself rather than pull the trigger. I can admit I let a little of my Erudite out to play on this. In the fear, Jeanine was the one that was giving the order for me to shoot Eric. I didn't know what would happen but I objected. Stating that she wasn't my commanding officer. Something I remembered from the Dauntless faction law books was the chain of command and how we are to adhere to it. The only people that can order the execution of an officer is a higher ranking officer. Unfortunately, I ended up having to go through with it anyways when Max stepped forward in my fear and gave the order and charges.

I think that talk with Eric on the roof is what helped me be able to get through the fears in general but especially that one. I remembered his words and it was like they were guiding me through it. Between that and not trying to fight everything tooth and nail, I was able to do what I should have been doing all along. Before I would have panicked and let my emotions rule me. So when I couldn't fight or solve the fear in a Dauntless way, I used the calming method to get my heart rate and breathing even.

And now, initiation is over. We had done it.

My sister and I had done even better than I could have ever hoped for. Despite all the time and effort I had put in over the years, I was nowhere near as confident inside as I might have acted when I first landed on that roof. That had been all show and bluster. Trying to get everyone to look away from my sister and focus on the obnoxious stiff. I came wanting to make myself the target so that she would have a better chance of not being one herself. I guess that had paid off in ways I couldn't have predicted. I wasn't going to miss that part of it, the looking over my shoulder constantly.

Marcus is out of the picture, so that is one less worry. From what Chase was able to tell me the divergent issue had been sorted. Apparently, my performance on the truth serum had put the last of the questions to rest. Even Tris had done well enough through the rest of her sims, landscape and her final test.

I feel like all the worries I came into this with, the weight of them, have been slowly stripped away. There is a niggling one that pops up several times during my sleep, tangling in my dreams. The memory of walking into the landscape room and seeing Jeanine Matthews. The feeling of her cold blue eyes as they took me in. The hidden flash of loathing and jealousy there that she quickly masked. It had left me with the feeling that Jeanine wasn't as willing to let things go with either my sister or me.

That was a worry for another day though and one that I knew now that I wouldn't have to face alone.

* * *

 _Eric_

It's chaos in the compound. It had slowly been gaining those last two days of initiation especially when Chase and Zeke decided running the ' _How Dauntless Are You'_ game as part of the final activity would be a bright idea. Then it got turned into an even bigger deal when it was held in the pit for all the faction to witness the debut of. After that, it really began the festivities. The real mass chaos didn't start right at the time we began the final testing. Most of the faction had barely gotten to sleep and we had wanted it that way. Around noon signs of it picking up started appearing and by dinner, party mode was on.

With everything that has happened so far, the attacks and the discoveries, we were being cautious. The initiates were all told that things were being started out so early so they could rest afterward because Dauntless are known for being so considerate right, but that wasn't it. It was easier to minimize the chances of anything happening when there were fewer people around.

Jeanine and her assistant were still there for the final test. I hadn't been able to stop that but what pissed her off is the presence of other leaders also attending. Jack Kang from Candor and James White from Abnegation were there to observe as well. Because of the attempted sabotage of initiation, the council had gotten involved and wanted observers to make sure that the remainder of training went smoothly.

For fucking once, something had gone right in this initiation class. There had been no suspicion of divergence, no major problems with any of the landscapes or the initiates handling them. The added presence of additional faction leaders to observe the final test had even worked out to my benefit because Jeanine couldn't say shit that would bring eyes to her. Which meant when it was over I was able to send her and her minion off with the other leaders so we could get the rankings done.

That was what I was doing now. Sitting at the huge conference table with everyone involved in training and the leaders. While everyone else parties their asses off we are trying to determine how the initiates place in their new faction. Actually, not everyone is partying their asses off. All the initiates have retreated to their dorm and are getting the sleep they had been denied over the last few days.

While I wouldn't be completely at ease until she was where she belonged, this did ease my mind and allowed me to concentrate on what I needed to get done. If we get this knocked out, I will have most of tomorrow and the next day free.

Because of all the crap that had happened over this initiation year, we were being forced to go back and review all the stages. To make sure everything was being scored properly and determine if the attempts to sabotage would change anything in those stages.

Lauren had been showing her ass from the start. It was clear she had it out for Kat and Tris. I had been hard-pressed to keep my mouth shut but there had been a few warning glances my way from Chase and Max. It had surprisingly been Victoria that had shut her down. The only female leader hadn't said anything more than Lauren had no say seeing as she was the trainer for the Dauntless-born, not the transfers. After that, it was agreed that the scoring for those stages would remain as is. So we moved on to the sims and fear landscapes.

For the sims themselves, initiates were scored on times as well as the other activities they had to maintain while working through those. It wasn't announced, purposely, to them but we also scored them on if they were giving their all during the physical portion on the days not doing sims.

For the final test, it was looking for the times as well as how they handled the fears themselves. More points were generally given for the initiate handling the fear in a manner that a Dauntless would.

That wasn't something announced to the initiates either. In fact, I hadn't even known that myself when I went through my initiation. My coaching before transfer might have actually hampered my scoring. I was given the order to use the method I was taught and it was what I did. I found out after I made leadership that time-wise I hadn't been that far behind Four. It had been the number of fears he had but also the fact that he had handled them all like a true fucking Dauntless. His scores in that blew me out of the water and I had never let myself live that down once I realized it.

I can admit I had been nervous as hell about how Kat was going to do during her final test. So much had happened from the time she had done the last sim to the final test. In the end, she had blown me away with how she handled them. It was almost like seeing a completely different version of Kat when she was under. I was hoping that her time beating her sisters would be enough to put her in the top spot but I knew it would at least have her in the top three.

Tris had done amazing too. I could really tell that Four had an influence on her because she definitely got the Dauntless aspect right as well. She got good points from that as well as her times and the number of fears.

I knew it was going to be close between the two sisters.

"I still say that she should be marked against for questioning and hesitating to follow the order." James' pathetic whining voice breaks into the discussion we are all having about Kat's sims.

"She didn't hesitate to follow an order," Raze booms out, cutting a sneer in James' direction.

"She clearly denied and questioned Jeanine's…"

This time it was Max who interrupted. "That's just it, James. Jeanine has no authority in Dauntless. She had no right to order any execution. After my sim version showed up and gave her the order and stated the charges, she didn't hesitate to follow _my_ direct order."

I can see heads nodding in agreement. Even Lauren had to give a grudging nod. The sim in question was one that was uncomfortable for me to watch. Considering it was me she was being ordered to execute. This was a fear I hadn't seen of hers. It was apparently new. As soon as I saw myself being drug before her, restrained and bloody, I had worried that our relationship was going to be exposed. Then in the fear, Jeanine had ordered Kat to execute me. There was hesitation in Kat. I knew she was thinking furiously and fighting herself, her feelings. In the end, she had simply asked Jeanine by whose authority was the order being given for her to execute a leader of her faction and what were the crimes? When Max stepped forward and gave the order himself for acts of treason, Kat had simply nodded and raised her weapon.

It had been hard to watch and I knew that it had been even harder for her to do, but it had worked out beautifully. I could see then that it had pissed Jeanine off as she watched it. I could also see it amused the crap out of Max, Raze, and Victoria. That won her higher marks, her showing her loyalty to Dauntless over Erudite.

There was a shift that has been showing more and more after the deposing of Marcus; one that was leading away from Erudite having as much of a hold here in Dauntless as it was starting to have.

It's too early to say for sure, but I think I just might have a chance of pulling it off. The plan to keep Dauntless out of the shit Erudite, Jeanine, wants to use us for.

That will have to be determined later, I have other things on my immediate to-do list.

* * *

 _Kat_

"Would you be still." Lynn hisses from behind me.

"Sorry," I mumble and stop fidgeting so she can finish putting my hair in my preferred braid.

"So," Lynn says lowly from behind me, "...should I be prepared to provide a distraction so you can slip away tonight?"

I look around us even though I know Tris and Marlene are in the bathroom area and not near our beds where Lynn and I are.

"Yeah, I think." I bite my lip in thought. "I'm not sure really."

Lynn finishes and sighs then comes over to sit beside me on the bed. "Kat.." She says seriously. "I know now isn't the time to talk about everything we found out but I wanted to ask something before you disappear."

Her eyes bore into me and are full of fierce determination. "Do you think that was the end of it?"

She doesn't have to elaborate more. I know what she means with that simple question. I debate for a moment with my answer then decide to be truthful. "I think that he was just one part of a sickness in this city."

She nodded as if she expected this, then looks for the others to check on them. Tris and Marlene were just finishing in the bathroom with their makeup and getting ready. She looks back at me.

"Do you have a plan?"

I shrug and sigh. "Not so much a real plan just….a promise or a resolve I guess you could say." With a look I know she is telling me she wants in on it. "I promised myself I would help make Dauntless strong again. To make up for everything that happened from what I thought was my fault." She scowls and looks like she is going to start getting on to me about that so I stop her. "I don't see it as my fault anymore, but I do still want to make things right again. I want to protect my friends and family of course but the city too."

"How do you see yourself doing that then?" She asks but there is a gleam in her eyes like she already knows what I am about to say.

"If I can get a job in our faction leadership, I will be going for that."

She grins smugly and then sits back and nods. "I'm with you, Kat. Whatever it takes, I want to be there." She smirks and punches my shoulder. "Someone has to watch your back and I think that just might be a full-time job."

I glare at her and sniff playfully before I bite my lip and nod. "Then I guess we need to hope we ranked high enough and they have positions open."

Marlene bounces towards us with Tris not far behind her. We are all buzzing with excitement for the banquet that should be starting soon. It will also be where our ranks are posted as well as the list of available jobs.

Today will determine our lives here in Dauntless but for me, it will determine so much more. This thought and the nervous energy it is causing was there from the moment I opened my eyes this morning. It was odd to wake up and not need to rush to do training of some kind. It was extremely odd to lounge around in bed until the others woke up. I hadn't done well with that in the end so I had gotten up, dressed, made my bed and packed all of my things into the bags they had given us. Then I had gone to the dining hall and grabbed muffins, coffee and fruit for me and my friends.

I had made a promise to everyone to take it easy today and I hadn't known just how hard that was going to be. Marlene had happily found ways to torture...I mean, occupy us with shopping and going to the hair place that also did fingernails and toes and all manner of things. I passed on getting my hair done but relented on getting my fingernails and toenails painted. I went with a color called concrete gray for my fingernails and a red for my toes.

I also went ahead and picked out a dress along with my sister. Marlene and Shauna had both had their own preferences for what they wanted to see us in but we had our own ideas. My dress was a sweater dress with long sleeves and just a bit of the shoulders cut-out. The dress was black and the sweater material wasn't too thick but enough to keep me warm in the colder air that was invading the compound. It had a simple slightly rounded neckline so wasn't showing much skin but it was body hugging and went to a few inches above my knee. I still paired it with boots but instead of the uniform boots, I was talked into getting a black slouchyankle-high boot. My two friends had complained it was too plain so came up with a wide metal belt of a deep red color.

My sister's dress was also black and long sleeved but that was as far as the similarities went. The neckline of it was slightly off the shoulder and while it was fitted at the top, it flared at the waist and went to just at her knees. She also got a similar style boot but hers were a dark red. Tris' hair has always grown back rather quickly so she had a bit more length to the bob cut she had done not so long ago. When she went to the stylist they did something to it to make the hair look full and the ends flip a little. She also got her nails done but in a red to match her shoes.

Lynn has been steadily growing in her hair over training and decided to also get it styled. By having the newly grown in hair styled into a short mohawk down the center of her head while shaving the sides again. It took Marlene giving her puppy dog eyes but she also got her nails done and she had smirked when she got them done in a deep purple color.

These were all small things that made Marlene ridiculously happy. It also did occupy us for much longer than I would have thought considering we started out just before lunch and are just now getting back to the dorm to get dressed and for Lynn to braid my hair up for me. Uri and Will had bolted as soon as Marlene got the manic look in her eyes once we agreed to shopping.

"You guys ready? We should head to find Uriah, Will and Peter." Tris asks after she stuffs the bag of makeup into her packed bag.

I stand with Lynn and nod letting out a nervous breath. "I'm ready."

* * *

As long as I have been in Dauntless so far, you would think I would be used to the rowdiness it can descend into. It wasn't so much that I minded, it was the combination of that and just the amount of people around being rowdy.

Tris had her hand locked with mine as we made our way to the Pit from the dining hall where there had barely been room to grab something to eat and we had just given up.

"It's crazy out here." She leans in close to my ear to be heard over the cacophony surrounding us.

I nod emphatically as we take up a place near the other initiates. "I never imagined there were this many Dauntless in the compound."

"That's because there aren't." Is said as someone leans in close to my ear from behind me and makes me jump slightly.

I whip my head to see who it is and catch the smirking faces of Chase and Zach. I smile widely at them. "So how do you explain how there are suddenly so many more people here?"

"Not all the Dauntless live in the main compound itself. There are several that live in the sector but different buildings. Then are the groups that are out at the fence or on patrol duty for the other sectors. Today is a big day so everybody is here for the celebrations."

"That makes sense then. I guess this would be the first one in two years too." Tris says with a nod. "How did they ever manage without this as an excuse to party?" She added with a laugh.

"Poorly." Chase said with a laugh in return. "We managed very poorly apparently." Then he leaned in closer to my ear. "You look beautiful by the way, Kat. Which in no way is the part of the reason I was ordered to stick close to you."

The last part he said sarcastically and had me rolling my eyes while laughing and blushing at the same time.

All of our attention is drawn as the sound of the speaker system being turned on and tested begins. I trace the source of it to the directly in front of an above us. On a metal balcony of sorts stand leadership. There is a big vid screen directly behind them but there are several around the Pit.

Butterflies are playing some kind of touch sport in my stomach as Eric takes the microphone, covers it for a second, clears his throat and then brings it towards his mouth. I grip Tris' hand tighter and she returns it too. I don't even care that her nails are cutting into my palm. I feel a hand on my shoulder that squeezes briefly before letting go.

"I know we are all excited to get to the real reason Dauntless is packed to the rafters with all of our people; the party." Cheering, stomping and all manner of noises almost overwhelm me following this statement. Eric pauses enough to let the faction have their say until he motions them to quiet it with a smirk on his lips. "But first we have a bit of business to take care of. Our first pack of initiates in two years landed on our roof several weeks ago. Today we welcome those initiates as members. The group is smaller than those that let their blood drop into the coals but that is expected. This year, like no year before it, we have discovered what it is to be Dauntless. Those that we are welcoming have first hand knowledge of this. Of what we believe."

"We believe in bravery and taking action. We believe in not letting fear rule us or control our actions. We believe in standing up against the bad and putting our bodies and minds on the line to rid the world of it. We do this so our city, our world can thrive and prosper. Initiates! Dauntless welcomes and congratulates you."

Thunderous applause once again follows that. I am beaming along with my sister and friends.

"In two days, in their first acts as members, our initiates will choose their professions within the faction. Going by their rankings they will be given a choice of jobs that leadership has to offer for that rank. Now, we are going to put them out of the misery and not drag this on. The rankings will appear behind me and all the other vid screens available."

Eric's last words were barely heard. As soon as he said 'me', the rankings appeared. I barely had time to register what I was seeing before Tris and I are in the middle of our friends who are jumping up and down screaming and laughing.

I have to push away because I still don't really know where I ranked. When I finally break free, I move off to the side of the friend pile and look up at the vid screen in disbelief at what I am seeing.

Tris

Kat

Uriah

Lynn

Will

Peter

Crane

Marlene

Tank

I stopped looking after seeing that all of my friends were at least in the top ten. I was still reeling from the knowledge that both my sister and I had gotten the top spots. My mouth is hanging open until I feel a laugh finally bubbles up from me. I turn back to find my friends and Tris is there, looking to have just been wearing about the same expression as I had. We smile widely at each other and embrace.

I am trying to tell her congratulations and I think she is doing the same but the noise is just so damn loud. Party mode kicked in as soon as Eric stepped back and the rankings displayed. We almost get lost in the swarm of people that seems to swell from nowhere, but then Chase and Zach are able to somehow coral us to the rest of our friends and over to a safe area where Zeke and Shauna are already waiting. There are tables of food and drinks there. Zeke is quick to hand out small glasses filled with something that Tris and I sniff at suspiciously.

"To our baby initiates finally becoming big boys and girls." He says holding his own small glass up high.

Apparently, that was his toast and all around us the others are tossing their glasses back. I look to Tris, who shrugs. I look to Peter, who smirks. I look to Chase, who is shaking his head. I look at my glass, take a breath and toss it back.

I immediately regret it.


	76. Here's To Us

**A/N: And initiation is over officially. Now we get into life at Dauntless for Kat and the others. I hope everyone has enjoyed the story until now and how things ended with initiation. Now here is another chapter for you my loves!**

 **Disclaimer: This is still Roth's world and I am just a squirrel...**

* * *

 **Chapter 76 - Here's to Us**

 _Eric_

I knew that the Pit was going to be a madhouse. Chase, Zach and I all knew how it could get and had gotten in years previous. We also knew there had been more requests for access to the compound from the outlying Dauntless, fence guards and patrols to be able to attend. Leadership had taken a vote and decided that it was one day we could allow the faction to take and celebrate.

Knowing that, Chase made some suggestions to make sure we could keep an eye on things. There were still security concerns. Just because Marcus was out of the game didn't mean he hadn't set things in motion before that occurred. I may be being a bit paranoid but I just don't want to take the chance. It helped that Zach and Chase agreed.

I left it to them to get with Zeke and set things up. It wasn't hard to do. Zeke could seem like the biggest goof in the world with his easy-going manner and jokes. It was true he loved to party and prank but that wasn't all he was about. I always wondered a little about Zeke. There was no doubt he was Dauntless, but there were times when I could almost see him in Erudite with how he could analyze things. He was also loyal as hell and when it came to his family he didn't play. Zeke considered both the Prior's as family now. So, he wanted to protect them just as much as he wanted to be able to celebrate the entire groups becoming members.

By the time I was able to make my way over to the area where they had gotten things set up the group was looking like they were already in their own party mode.

I debated long and hard about approaching them. Making my relationship known with Kat. I had even talked about this with Zach or rather _he_ talked to me about it. I was all for saying to hell with it and making some display right there in the pit. I was done with holding back and not being with her.

Zach was right though, as usual. He suggested we wait until at least after she had selected her position. It didn't keep me from staying as near to her as I dared, no matter how hard that might be. Thankfully the set-up Chase arranged for drew a few leaders and senior members and they mingled with the new members. This had intimidated a few of them at first but with the alcohol, they grew braver.

Will, Tris, Kat and Lynn all got into conversations with Raze and Victoria about the jobs available. I added into the conversation at times, watching Kat closely. If I were being honest I hadn't been able to keep my eyes off her.

I was already on the balcony when I saw her making her way to the initiates with her sister and friends. I saw all the looks that group were drawing from both guys and girls. This time of year became a feeding frenzy for those looking forward to the _'fresh meat'_ bringing new members in meant. Generally, they held off until the initiates became official members though there were a few that went out of their way to go for the ones they knew weren't going to last long.

Kat and her sister had eyes on them from day one. I am sure neither really knew or would believe that. Even if they hadn't, tonight would have brought eyes to them for sure. It should be illegal how that girl could get my blood pumping wearing what any other woman in Dauntless would say was a modest dress. Maybe that was what made it that much sexier. It hugged her curves and just hinted at what was underneath. Hell, I knew what was under there but it still had me anxious to unwrap her like a goddamn Christmas present.

I sipped on my beer and eyed the guys that would try to approach her in annoyance, willing the time to pass quickly when we could both excuse ourselves. Even though Chase and Lynn were doing a really good job of sending any lurkers packing it didn't make me any less aggravated. That only increased when I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

Four had been hanging around the group as well. Keeping to Shauna and Zeke mainly. I knew he was seeing the same things I was, but I hadn't expected him to have the balls to do anything about it. I watched with gritted teeth as he pulled Tris slightly to the side and was saying something to her. I wasn't near enough to hear what it was, but she was beaming at him. She shook her head and shrugged before she lifted up on tiptoes and kissed him. Which he surprisingly returned.

I waited for hell to break loose but it never did. There were some surprised reactions from around them, her friends looked confused at first but quickly brushed it off and were joking with them. My eyes searched for Kat and I saw the hurt in her eyes for just a second before it was gone. Except the hurt wasn't directed at her sister and Four, but at me. I understood that it was the feeling of hurt that I hadn't done something similar. I saw her let out a shaky sigh and smiled at me, rather sadly, before she looked away to something Peter and Zach were saying to her.

I tightened the grip on the bottle I was holding and looked away to the person trying to make their presence known to me. With a scowl settled on the simpering form of Lauren, casting cow eyes at me. It took everything in me not to knock her back on her ass when she boldly pressed her entire body against mine and started purring out some nonsense that she must have thought was seductive.

It took a few looks and words said in a tone of ice before she backed off, glaring daggers back at me. I rolled my eyes and looked back to Kat and her friends only to find that Kat was nowhere to be seen. Neither were Peter and Zach for that matter.

Chase was found easily he mouthed two words at me with a shrug. "She left."

Goddammit. Now I am regretting not putting Lauren on her ass. I slammed the bottle down on the table and pushed my way out of the crowd. Determined that no matter what Kat would be home with me even if I had to drag her there.

* * *

 _Kat_

When my body felt like I was almost floating I cut back on the drinks. One shot of whatever was in those small glasses and a beer seemed to be getting me dangerously close to drunk. Something I had no plans to be and not just because of the terrible morning it would cause me. Luckily, they had other drinks available that didn't have alcohol in it and I gladly sipped on that while chatting with my friends.

The leaders and a few senior members had found their way over to the group to congratulate us. Raze had a big smile on his face as he joined us. He was looking at my sister and I with the pride of a father. He also hadn't wasted time in starting to talk about the job options available to us. Victoria, another leader and the only female, joined in that along with Will and Lynn.

It was interesting to see that some of the job posting available were more along the lines of what departments were in need of people as opposed to specific jobs themselves. There was the leadership track of course but choosing that did not mean that you would be in line to become a leader. Ambassadors were also in that same category as they would deal with the government and in times that a leader could not be present for a meeting, would be a stand-in. Then there were those that would become secretaries or assistants to the leaders or senior members.

The Security Division was the next one that seemed to be interesting. This is what Chase was the head of and what Four worked in when he wasn't training. That had several different roles and functions under it but also coordinated and worked closely with the Spec Ops Division. Both had responsibilities that dealt with the surveilling of the different sectors and making sure that it was staffed with guards and patrols so they shared duties in that respect.

Security Division was mainly responsible for the Dauntless sector and Compound as well as assigning and training the protection details for leadership. Spec Ops Division were the groups that were assigned the higher profile or risk missions. An example of that was the recent investigation into Marcus Eaton. Each of the people that were in the group were cross-trained and authorized for both roles.

I could tell the Spec Ops Division appealed to Lynn and Peter had also mentioned something about wanting to go into the Security Division but was intrigued by the two groups working together.

Will was more interested in the operations or research and development aspect of Dauntless. His knowledge of mechanical, technical and weapons was amazing. I could see a gleam in Victoria's eyes when talking with Will and I knew she would find a way to get him in her department.

It was during the end of all this that I saw Four approaching the group. Tris had looked unsure and blushing when he had asked to be able to talk to her. He pulled her to the side and I knew what was going to happen before it did. I couldn't hear what they were saying to each other but all that mattered was the happy expression on Tris' face as she kissed Four, which he returned. I worried for a second how everyone else was going to react.

"Whoa." Uri had exclaimed with wide eyes while everyone had gotten quiet for a few seconds then he had smiled widely and a sly look in his eyes. "Does this mean kissing either of you is off the table at the next ' _How Dauntless Are You Game_?'

"Only if you value your skin." Four quipped back with a smirk as he lightly draped his arm over my sister's shoulders.

I laughed along with the others, relieved that there hadn't been a big scene after that reveal. I could see my sister giving me worried looks so I smiled reassuringly to her. I still hadn't been able to talk to her like I wanted to but knew that it would need to happen soon. In the meantime, I was truly happy for her. I just hoped that when we had the talk she could see that.

I hadn't been able to help myself from looking in Eric's direction when I knew what was going to happen. I saw him watching the scene unfold with barely concealed anger but a bigger measure of jealousy. I wasn't angry with him and I didn't blame him for not being able to do the same, it still hurt though.

"You drunk yet, stiff?" Peter asked me as he and Zach went to either side of me. He had a smirk on his lips but a concerned look in his eyes.

I snorted and shook my head. "Not a chance. I don't want a repeat of those pyrotechnics ever again."

"Damn. I had a bet with Zach that one shot would do you in." He shrugged and smiled in Zach's direction.

"Well, I knew it would take more than that." Zach laughed in reply and nudged my shoulder playfully with his. "Not much more, though."

"Thanks a bunch guys. Glad I was your planned-on entertainment for the night but sorry, I'm not sorry for disappointing you." I chuckled out that died on my lips when I caught sight of Eric.

Not really of Eric but on who was currently rubbing herself against him like a fucking cat in heat. Lauren. For a few seconds I felt like I was ice, then my ears began to get hot as well as my face. I was gripping the bottle tightly and fighting myself to go rip her hair out by the roots.

It didn't help that I saw Eric plainly not interested and getting pissed himself. Peter had a firm arm around my waist and was pulling me with him.

"Time to go, stiff. I think we have had all the partying we need for the night." Peter said with Zach right behind me nodding in agreement.

I was craning my neck back but I did catch sight of Lauren storming off away from Eric. I looked forward again and bit my lip in thought. "Ok, I need to stop by the dorm on my way there though."

Zach nodded and smiled. "Already planned on it."

* * *

 _Eric_

 _'_ _She's at your place.'_

After almost thirty minutes of searching and trying to make my way through the packed Pit, to the dorm and the training rooms, and that was the message I got from Zach. It had taken me too long to even think about messaging him in the first place.

Luckily, I had already decided to head towards the housing sector but had been headed towards his apartment, thinking they took her there instead. With a combined curse and sigh of relief I changed directions and set off to the apartment wondering what I would be walking into when I got there. The apartment was quiet when I got the door opened and I didn't see her right away. With a frown I stepped in and closed the door before calling her name.

There wasn't an answer at first but I saw a shadow in the doorway to the bedroom.

"I was starting to wonder if you had changed your mind about me coming here tonight." Her voice was a little shaky and unsure.

I stepped towards her, still frowning. "Why would I change my mind?"

She hadn't moved and was still in the darkness of the room. I only made out the shrug of her shoulders as the bathroom light was able to define her form.

"You are still upset about what happened with Al." She paused and sighed in the darkness. "Or maybe you found better company."

I stopped at one of the end tables in the living room and flipped on the light to the lamp that sat on it. It finally gave me enough light to see her by.

She had let her hair down from the braid but it still had the shape of the braid in the way her hair was wavier than normal. That wasn't all she had done though. She was standing shyly wrapped up in a black silk robe that had some kind of flower pattern on it. It was cinched tightly, not letting anything show.

I swallowed and stepped forward at the same time as she did the same. I was trying to control myself, having made a plan in my mind of how this was going to go. I wanted to do our own celebration together since I couldn't really join in for the one in the Pit. Zach had even gotten me some shit do a toast together and a few other things. When we reached each other, her hands slid up my chest and one of mine went to her waist while the other reached to twirl some of her hair around my finger.

"While I am still...upset...about what happened, there was no way it was keeping you from being here." While I was speaking she had raised up, wrapped her arms around my neck and started nuzzling where my tattoos are. My grip on her waist tightened as I closed my eyes and tried to keep focus on what I was saying.

 _What was I saying? Oh right. Lauren._

"As for the other thing," I paused and firmly gripped her so that I could pull her back and look at her. "That would never happen." I said firmly and a bit forcefully.

She bit her lip and nodded at me, knowing I was waiting for her to acknowledge that statement. A smile was twitching at the sides of her lips and I could see something in her eyes. She took a breath and looked down as she moved one hand to my chest again and trailed her fingers lightly along the neckline of my shirt.

"Well, I have something that maybe can make up for you being upset." Her voice was soft and started out shy at first but got a bit huskier towards the end.

I made myself keep a composed face and lifted an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

She nodded with her lower lip between her teeth. "I think, but I guess you will need to see for yourself."

She definitely had a wicked smile on her lips now but whatever it was still had her at least a little shy. She pushed away from me, her eyes locked on mine and reached for the belt to the robe.

"Wait." I called and whipped my hands out to stop her. She immediately froze thinking she had done something wrong, I am sure, but it was far from that. She had given me my wish from earlier, an opportunity to unwrap her like the gift that she is. "I think I should do the unwrapping." I replied in a low tone after slowly moving her hands away and moving my hands back to the silk material.

She gave a slow nod and stood there as I took my time in undoing the knot of the tie. My mouth was already going dry in anticipation as the robe slowly opened up. My eyes widened and I let out a little groan.

She was trembling a little and her eyes held uncertainty when I snapped mine back to look at her face. There was the unspoken question in the green that was taking over her hazel eyes, asking if I liked her surprise or not.

I licked my lips and let my eyes trail back down her body slowly, taking in the matching lingerie set in a red and black combination of lace and silk, as well as her legs that she had on black sheer thigh highs that just highlighted her skin tone. "Merry fucking Christmas to me."

* * *

 _Kat_

Eric passed me a glass of something he had said Zach had gotten for us to celebrate things by ourselves. I sniffed at it and waited for him to settle back into the bed with his own glass and the food he had went to make for us as well.

He had a smirk on his face that seemed like it might be permanent now after the last few hours. From the minute he opened the robe to reveal the daring thing I decided to wear for him, in between sessions of full on sex or just heavy making out, until now when he declared we could just continue the planned celebration he had but keep it in bed, the smirk has been present.

He pulls me to his side as we sit up against the headboard, the sheets tangled up on the bed and both of us in need of a shower but not caring or bothering to dress again.

"Try it." He laughs at my nose wrinkled expression as I still sniff whatever is in the glass. "It's not that shit Zeke gave you guys, I promise."

"Good. That was horrible."

He nodded and took his own sip out of his glass. "Yeah, that crap is strong. Supposed to be similar to a pre-war drink called Tequila but it's not for the faint hearted. _I_ don't even mess with it. This is different, made from apples or something like that."

I take a tentative sip and tilt my head. I can definitely taste the apple. It actually reminds me of the apple cider made in Amity. I tell him that and he laughs. "Well, this came from Amity. I think they add booze in it for the big kids."

I hum in my enjoyment and sip more of the drink while we both dig into the bowl of pasta he brought to share.

"I can't believe I got second place." I say in wonder after we have eaten in comfortable silence for a few minutes. He sniffs in derision and eyes me, that eyebrow raised and his eyes piercing into me. "What?"

"You should have had _first_ place. In fact, you _would_ have been first if we hadn't had to count that damn knife against you." His tone is sour as is the downturn of his mouth. He stabs his fork into the bowl as if he is trying to take his ire out on it, not me.

"I…" I start to say I am sorry but stop and he looks at me knowingly. "I can't say I am sorry about that. I was telling the truth when I was questioned about it. Taking the knife was just instinctual, like a security blanket for me. I didn't have plans to use it…"

He let out a sigh and stopped me, "I know and I can't decide if I am more aggravated that you had it and didn't use it, that you had it at all, or that you went after him at all." He lets his fork go and runs a hand through his hair. "Honestly, I'm not as pissed as I was then. I get all the reasons why but I don't have to like them."

"I know." I say simply with a nod. I let my fork go as well, having eaten all that I am going to.

He moved the bowl to the table on his side as I drained the rest of my glass. He took that as well and it joined the other dishes. Then he pulled me so that I was laying on the bed with him hovering over me. His fingers moved along my ribs and to the side where Al had gotten me with his knife. It wasn't a deep wound but it had been enough that it would leave a scar. Right now, it was still a little red and was as long as my index finger.

His brow was heavily wrinkled as his calloused fingers gently moved along it. "I was cursing myself for not having thought for a second it could have been him. Looking back on it, I guess it should have been obvious. When we were watching your sister he was always fucking lurking around."

"I didn't think it was him either and I knew that was something off with him. I had seen how my sister started to try and keep a distance from him after visiting day. I was just so caught up in my own thing." I sighed and breathed out with my eyes closed as he moved down and pressed his lips against the place his fingers had just been.

"Did you guys talk about it?" He asked after moving back up and laying on his side, propped up on an elbow, looking at me.

I shook my head. "I still haven't been able to talk about any of that with her. Mainly because I know that when I do I am going to tell her about Tobias."

"He still hasn't." He said with a clenched jaw.

"No. I am pretty sure if he had told her about our friendship she would have said something to me before now."

He nodded and got quiet. We both did as he leaned in to kiss and nuzzle on my neck. "It isn't because I didn't want to walk up to you tonight and do the same damn thing, you know."

He says this with his face buried in my neck but I can hear the frustration pouring through his voice and the tensing of his body. "I know Eric."

He pulls back and looks at me seriously. "I am not going to make some big declaration but I won't keep it secret either. After job selections, no more hiding this. No more hiding us."

I nod with a smile and see him relaxing a little but he still is wearing the frown. "It won't be like it is for them though, Kat. Four is…."

I put my hand to the side of his face and hold his eyes. "I don't give a shit what it was like for them. They aren't us. The people that matter, they will see I am happy and be happy for me." He looks skeptical for a moment and tries to look away but I tug his head back by his hair. "Or they won't but they will have to get over whatever hang-ups they have. I'm not ashamed of this."

He smiled in response and breathed out before he laid on his back and pulled me so that I am now sprawled on top of him.

I laughed a little and relaxed into him. "Besides, I think Shauna knows."

He lifted his head and looked at me with his eyebrow quirked in question. "Lynn?"

I shook my head. "No, she wouldn't say anything and Shauna hasn't either. It's just…" I stopped and blushed before going on. "I needed help in picking out what I was wearing earlier and Shauna was the one that helped me. When I tried on the one I went with she had said it was sure to knock _him_ dead. I asked her if she was sure that…umm…Peter would like it and she had given me this odd knowing look before she shrugged and said ' _your boyfriend will love it'_."

I couldn't tell how Eric was taking this. He had tensed when I even dared to mention Peter's name and now he is just looking at me with that mask in place and his eyes calculating. Finally, he shrugs with a smirk.

"Well, she wasn't wrong by a long shot."

I frown at him. "You are taking this better than I thought you would."

"If she had tried to cause shit for us or spread it around then I would be pissed, but she didn't. It also tells me something. That at least two of the people you care about aren't likely to be out for my blood when they find out. Shauna and Lynn may seem to be very different in personalities but when you get down to it the older sister can be just as protective as Lynn is. If she had an issue with this, she would have let it be known, no matter what she thought I might to do her."

I sighed in agreement and laid my head back on his chest. "I probably should take Tris aside and tell her first before she finds out from someone else."

He gives a grunt then starts to run his hand through my hair. I am sure he is holding in his thoughts about the whole issue I have weighing on me about Tris and opening up to her. His silence is his unspoken opinion and support in a way.

I close my eyes and shake of thoughts about everything that could happen when she and I finally do talk.

Eric has already told me he plans on hiding us out in his apartment until the morning when all the initiates have to do their job selections. I can worry about all of that when we finally do emerge back to reality, right now it is finally time for us.


	77. Dancing on My Own

**A/N: Here is a chapter early for you. Thought I would stick to a schedule but realized I don't have the patience for it. Hopefully, you guys enjoy!**

 **Also, shoutout to two people who are keeping my creative mojo going with their support and encouragement. DYK and nikixnicole! Seriously guys, thank you!**

* * *

 **Chapter 77 – Dancing on My Own**

 _Kat_

"I'm going to go to my mom's and start to pack up my stuff and bring it to the apartment. If you want to start a list of what we still need to get for the place we can head out to get them when I get back." Lynn calls out to me from the bedroom she has chosen as hers.

I am standing in my room with the bag of all my things from the dorm that I had left in Eric's apartment. Chase had been able to grab that for me and dropped it off just a while ago. It is early in the morning and I am still feeling numb from everything that happened the night before even with the fitful sleep I had gotten.

Two days ago, things had been so good, even when they got tense as we talked over everything that had happened, it was just a relief to be together again. It was clear how much we had missed each other in how close we kept. It wasn't all about sex, the time we spent together. Some of it was just spent on his couch with one of his books while he either watched something on the vid screen or had me read out loud to him. The day together passed all too quickly though and before I knew it, it was morning. The day had started out good too. I made breakfast for the two of us since he had cooked everything the day before when we holed up in his apartment.

I knew he was going to be called away for leader business, we had both had a feeling about that when his phone kept getting messages that he refused to answer. There had been a few messages from Zach and Chase but other than those two he didn't have contact with anyone else. Chase, Zach and Peter had all come to the apartment to meet up so that Peter and I could head out together. We were still needing to keep up the appearance that he and I were a thing. We went to the dorm where I met up with my friends and sister. Then we all went to our meetings.

Going in I knew I would be taking leadership if they offered it to me. I already was told by Eric that both Tris and I would be given the offer. Tris turned down the opportunity to become a leader but did take an Ambassador position that would also help with training during those times. I gladly took the leader path offered and was told I would mainly be working with Raze. There was relief for me at this although I knew it was going to upset Eric. I had the feeling he had thought I would be working closely with him. To me this would be better so nothing could be said to or about us; or not more than already would be said.

We then all went as a group to get geared up and our housing assignments. I was torn because this wasn't something I had been prepared for or that Eric and I had discussed. Tris had declined the housing as she was going to be living with Four. Uriah and Crane had decided to get a place together. Marlene had declined as she was going to be staying with her mother. Will had taken a small studio and Peter had done the same. Lynn had spoken up, I guess seeing my hesitation or confusion, and said that we would be staying together.

Afterwards, we had talked and said that she knew I would most likely be at Eric's mostly but if we needed more time to do our reveal, this would take the pressure off of us. This had been a good thing as far as I was concerned. It would give Eric and me a chance to talk about things that we hadn't so far. I didn't want to assume I was going to be staying with him but there was also the feeling that came with knowing I was going to have my very own place for the first time in my life.

I did mean to speak to Eric and be the one to tell him this. Things just didn't work out that way. He was gone to Erudite all day. Chase and Zach had been busy as well so by the time we were all catching up was just before the storm broke loose.

Eric stormed into the dining hall, scanning the room and then locked onto me. I knew the second I saw him that something was wrong but I didn't know what. I thought it might be because of his brother, who he had been dreading seeing at Erudite. We had gotten out to the Pit and were heading somewhere. He wouldn't talk to me and was just dragging me along.

My temper had snapped and I stopped, refusing to move until we did talk. I had tried to keep my cool and find out what was going on with him. Reminding him that he had agreed to give me time to take my sister aside and tell her first, not announce it in the dining hall. Which is what he had done in essence when he pulled me from my seat and had pulled me from the dining hall by my hand.

It turned into a shouting match until he had the last word.

 _Eric towers over me as we stand in one of the hallways leading away from the pit. His expression is one I have only seen once before. The night I told him I was divergent. When I put my life in his hands. He is cold and cruel with a sneer on his lips._

 _He gives a mirthless laugh. I can almost hear the ice in his normally warm laugh and I feel my heart stop. I just know something bad is going to happen. My anger halts. It stops just as time seems to around me. I can feel Zach near, closing in and telling us to stop. Eric never takes his eyes off me as he gives a snort of disgust._

 _"Oh, I get it. You got what you wanted so now this little act you have been putting on is over." He gives a small nod and shrugs. "It just goes to show they were right about you all along. You will use anything to get what you want, even your body."_

 _I feel myself being tugged backwards as my brain and heart try to comprehend what the hell happened. I can't and it seems like I shut down, shut everyone out. I turn into the person coaxing me away from Eric. Somewhere in my mind I know I should say something or do something but I can't. I think I might be in shock._

 _I get a few steps away from Eric with me gripping tightly to Zach's arm and I hear his last words shattering me like I am made of glass._

 _"Congratulations, Stiff. Watch your back, I never make the same mistake twice."_

Zach had tried to tell me not take his words as what he was really feeling. That he didn't mean it and would come to see that. That Damon and Jeanine must have done or said something to him to get him worked up before he even got to me. Maybe he is right but it doesn't hurt one bit less.

"You know he will realize he fucked up soon, Kat." Lynn says from behind me and I turn to see her standing in the door to the room, a frown on her face.

I shrug and sigh tiredly. "Maybe."

"He will but until then you need to get with Tris and talk to her." Lynn gives me a pointed look.

I close my eyes tightly with a grimace and turn then sink down until I am sitting on the bed, refusing to cry anymore and wallow in self-pity. Guilt. The fucking guilt from knowing what I had said in my pain and anger.

It hadn't been enough that my heart was torn out by the blow up with Eric and his words but I had walked away from him only to be confronted by Tris. There is no excuse for me lashing out at her but she had been bad mouthing Eric while criticizing my choice in him. She had been upset about me keeping it from her and not understanding how I could want to be with such a monster after everything with Marcus. Her words had upset me more than I could say and I was already hurting badly with Eric's accusations and the fact that he had just ended things with me. I had snapped and said that she was one to talk when she had been hiding her own affair from me for years and that Tobias was far from the saint he made himself out to be.

I hadn't meant to reveal my past with Four like that, it had just come out. Zach and Lynn had pulled me away before I could do more damage. I don't know what happened with Tris after that. I went to the apartment with Lynn and passed out on the bed after crying myself to sleep. I haven't been awake for that long.

My friend comes to sit by me and takes my hand in hers. "It isn't like either of you talk much about your emotions, but even I could tell she was feeling guilty these last few weeks. Especially after all that crap came out. She is just as protective of you as you are of her. I can speak for myself here but hearing all of that Kat; I felt so damn helpless and angry. I was also hurt but I get that you weren't keeping it to yourself because you didn't trust us."

I nod mutely, still unable to speak. She pats my hand and then leaves me still sitting on the bed. I am not sure how much time goes by when I finally rouse myself. There is a lot to do with my day and the best thing for me will be to keep busy.

I unpack my bag into the dresser the bedroom has, leaving out the clothes I am going to wear and then head to the hallway bathroom to take my shower.

The apartment is nice. With Lynn taking a position in the Security division and my being a leader in training, we were granted one of the nicer two-bedroom apartments. Both bedrooms are bigger than the one I had back in Abnegation but I had insisted that Lynn take what was labeled as the Master bedroom which is definitely the larger of the two. Her bedroom has an attached bathroom but both bathrooms have a shower/tub combination and are a nice size.

Furniture wise the apartment has almost everything. There isn't as big of an area for eating but there is room for a small table that we decided on getting at some point since that seems to the be the only furniture not provided. The counter has an edge that can be used for an eating area with a few stools already here.

There are some things that were provided while others will have to be picked up today. The beds will need bedding as there had only been a simple black sheet to cover the mattresses. Towels and washcloths will be on the list because there were only a few in the apartment already. The floors are all wood except in the bathrooms, which are stone tile, but rugs of some kind will be needed since the floors are cold especially in the cold weather we are in right now.

I am sure there a million little things to think of that will keep me focused rather than on what I am feeling. I shower quickly and then stand at the kitchen counter, with a pen and paper in hand to make a list out when there is a knock on the door. With a frown as I am trying to think of things I need versus what I want, I open the door distractedly to find a red and puffy eyed Tris standing there; her bag on her shoulder.

"I…. I didn't know where to go but I couldn't stay there. I slept in the dorm when I left but…I can't stay there either." She starts out brokenly and I can tell she is trying not to cry.

I don't hesitate to take her bag from her as I usher her in. "What happened?" I demand from her.

She sinks onto the couch and looks at her hands miserably. "We got into a big fight but it was kind of the final straw for me. He was acting so different from the time I got here and I knew there was something he wasn't telling me. When he finally told me who he is, that Marcus was his dad, I thought that was it. I was still struggling to deal with it because…" She stops and looks at me with her eyes full of tears and pain. "I just don't understand how over two years and he never once even tried to tell me or even hint at it. I felt like I didn't know him at all."

Her shoulders shake with silent sobs and go to sit beside her on the couch, still giving her space but letting her know I am there for her.

"I always wondered though with your reaction to him, Kat. You are never like that with people unless they do something to someone you care about. When he told me that he is Tobias, I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me. He said no, and even though I had a feeling that wasn't true, I disregarded it. I reasoned in my mind that it was probably details of what happened with his father that he didn't want to tell anyone. He could have told me then and he even said last night that you had been telling him from the start to talk to me. That you were just as upset with him that he wasn't being truthful."

She looked at me now and I could see the question in her eyes. Wanting someone to be truthful with her and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold back.

I nodded and looked around. "I told you there were things I needed to talk to you about that night you guys staged your intervention and I meant it. I want to and will be completely honest with you. If you want to stay here, you are more than welcome to. We can share my room. I need to get some things though and was going to head out to do that. If you want to stay here while I go out or come with me…"

"If you don't mind me…" she says softly, trailing off and I put an arm around her shoulders.

"I don't mind at all. You can help me pick things out for the apartment and our room." I try to smile at her reassuringly and she returns it with a wan one of her own. "I promise when we get back I will tell you everything. I really have wanted and needed to, Tris."

Tris agreed quietly then I showed her around the apartment. She even helped me make a list of things. While we were doing that, Zach and Peter had stopped by to check on me as promised then left us to do our shopping. Lynn came and went, dropping off her things and telling Tris to stop being ridiculous that of course she could stay. Then she had gone off too to help Marlene with Uriah and Crane's place.

I guess Peter and Zach had known we were headed for another rough night because when we got back from shopping they had dropped off some food and wine. We settled around the coffee table with big cushions we had found in one of the stores that Marlene suggested to get and use as extra seating.

I sip from the wine for a bit before I put the glass down and look at my sister and take a deep breath. "I want you to know before we start that Tobias and I were never anything but friends." I look at her seriously, she bites her lip and gives a small nod.

"He said the same thing but…" She stops and looks down.

"I know that mom was responsible for keeping the worst of the gossip quiet but I also know she couldn't keep all of the jackals from parroting things Marcus would let slip. So, I am sure you heard that part of what I was so in trouble for was my ' _inappropriate relations'_ with unspecified people. I don't blame you if you just assumed that it was true and about Tobias." I say that last part softly, feeling the hurt of the scorn from my old faction. All instigated by Marcus to discredit me and keep anyone from ever believing anything I said.

"I didn't believe that at all, Kat. I didn't then and the one and only time I heard someone whispering about it I let them have a piece of my mind. It is also why I no longer associated with the Blacks. It wasn't Susan or Robert but their mom, you know how she could be."

I nod and let out a shaky breath. "Still, I know if I were you, and I always tried to see things how you would be seeing them when you did finally find out; I knew you would feel like a second choice or something. I just need you to know that is not it at all. Tobias and I were best friends, yes, but there would never have been anything between us even had we not had the falling out."

"He said you guys kissed." She admitted after a minute of us pushing the food around on our plates.

I snort when I remember the so-called kiss. "Did he tell you it was basically an awkward as hell lean in on his part and the second his lips hit mine I punched him in the stomach?"

Her lips twitch and her eyes widened and a genuine laugh bubbles up as she slaps her hand over my mouth then shakes her head. "No." She gasps out from behind her hand.

My lips tilt in amusement and I nod. "I was thirteen, Tris! We had been in the middle of a really strained greeting. At first, I thought he was going to lean in and give me a hug and even that I was not sure about because this was the first time we had seen each other after he left for Dauntless. Then all of the sudden his face is in my face and I just freaked then swung in reaction. It was a good one too because his breath left him hard enough to make my hair move and he just kind of...crumbled. It was rather alarming considering he had just been through initiation and had how many people punching him? But a tiny thirteen-year-old had him on his knees."

Tris is on her back, holding her stomach laughing by the time I end my story. I pick up the glass of wine and drink with a big smile and wait for her to straighten up.

"I don't know what I was picturing but it certainly wasn't that. That wasn't even really a kiss." She said raising her own glass.

I nod with my eyes wide. "I know." I sigh and put the wine glass down. "So, what do you want to know?"

She shrugs and looks at me. "Would it be bad of me to say everything?"

"Bad? No, it isn't bad to want to know everything. It does mean we are in for a long night though."

She nods knowingly and we settle in on the couch, facing each other with the wine bottle on the coffee table and our glasses clutched in our hands. That night we talked about everything. Marcus and meeting Tobias. What happened that basically ended our friendship. I even told her about Evelyn, though I knew Four wouldn't like that. I knew she needed to know it to understand why I think he was so hesitant to tell her anything before she transferred.

Eric would probably say he didn't deserve it, but I did try and see it from his point of view and defend him.

Then we got onto Eric and my relationship with him. She confessed that she had suspected it. From the day that I had shown up with the knife wounds on my arms and defended him so fiercely, she had known at the very least that there was something on my side. At first, she wondered if I had known him before coming to Dauntless in the same manner that she had known or met Four. There was a connection there, she could tell, even though she reassured me it wouldn't be obvious to anyone who didn't know me.

Then the big confessions came. Her divergence, my divergence. She was the one that brought up hers when she was telling me why she was so withdrawn during sims. It had been hard for her to deal with not knowing what it meant or why it was so bad. It had her struggling with whether she really belonged or not. Leaving her feeling like she didn't belong anywhere really. She had apologized to me for not trusting me and saying something. Of course, I told her that I couldn't blame her when I had done the same thing.

She had been surprised to know that Eric had known not only about that but also about her and Four. That he had protected her even. I could tell she felt ashamed of her thoughts about him and her words to me last night. I couldn't hold it against her because she was seeing exactly what we wanted her and everyone else to see.

"So, the thing with your punishments. I get you said it was a way to spend time together, that you would have been training anyways." She takes a breath and looks at me.

By this time, we are in our shared room. Laying facing each other as we know we are nearing the point of passing out.

"I just don't understand why it was so extreme. I…. I remember what you said that day in training about wanting someone to be that way but did it really have to be so bad?"

"Tris," I start and close my eyes briefly. "He pushed me only as hard as he knew was my absolute limit and at times had to stop me from doing more. To him, this was a literal matter of life and death. All the threats he suspected but I wasn't able to tell him about, sometimes that made him a little more aggressive in trying to prepare me but only because he felt so helpless I think." I pause to see if she is understanding this and I can see her deep in thought at my words.

"Eric always looked at me like he knew I could handle it but he wanted to protect me. His version of protecting me isn't to hide me away or tell me what I should or shouldn't do though. To him the only way I can be truly protected is if I learn everything there is to know but also if he is by my side. I never felt like he saw me as weak, in fact he made me feel stronger. Chase, Zach and Eric all have never looked at me like I was the poor little girl from Abnegation."

She nods and gives me a small smile, her reaching out to hold my hand because I had started to cry a little. She laughs and wipes her eyes as she was crying too.

"You really care for him."

I nod and big fat tears are pouring from my eyes. "I think I love him or loved him….and I don't know what I am going to do if…"

"I know, me either. I have never said it to him but I think I love...or loved Tobias too. I just don't know what to do if he can't trust me."

We lay there, holding each other's hand and crying for the uncertainty we are facing on a personal level. Neither speaking but drawing comfort from each other's presence while we drift to sleep. By the next morning, as we had talked late into the night, I felt better than I expected. I felt closer to her than I ever have.

But we were both now in the same boat. Unsure what and if there was anything to do about the men we had gotten involved with. I knew that I didn't want things to be over with Eric and she didn't want things to be over with Four. We both knew that we didn't want to be the ones to approach them. Call it stubborn pride but we had hurt from them that just wouldn't allow us to be the ones to reach out.

"I want to meet her." Tris said as we were making breakfast.

I raised an eyebrow in thought, knowing she was referring to Evelyn and continued cooking the eggs. "I know that she really wants to meet you too."

"Then why don't we? We _are_ members now and can leave the compound."

I sigh as I give the eggs a final stir and portion them out onto the plates where she has the rest of breakfast already waiting. We get settled on the floor around the coffee table with our food and she let me think in silence for a bit while we eat. We hadn't wanted to go to the dining hall today if we could help it. Preferring to keep a low profile for now.

Lynn had told me how it was all over Dauntless about the two of us and our relationships with the two infamous Dauntless men. We knew there was going to be things said or insinuated and we would face that with our heads held high when we did emerge, but we wanted time to lick our wounds before we had to do that. We at least had the fact that it wasn't out that those relationships were either over or on hold. I just knew I would be faced with a few gloating women when or if that gets out.

I finally nod in between bites. "Okay. I am going to message Zach to let him know we are going out of the compound though. I had promised dad and the guys that I wouldn't leave the compound but that was before everything was settled with Marcus. Still, I should let them know we are going just in case."

She nods with a frown. "Do you expect trouble?"

I shake my head. "No, but it is good to be prepared. Besides I know they will help keep certain people from interfering."

She huffs and stabs some food on her plate while grumbling something like that she would like to see Four try and stop her.

No matter how things stood with Eric and me or with Tris and Four; I knew they would still be having someone keeping an eye on us if they weren't doing it themselves. From the tone of his messages, Zach wasn't happy about us leaving but knew he couldn't do anything to stop us. I also didn't tell him what we were doing, only that she and I needed to get out of the compound and clear our heads.

With a warning to dress warmly he had agreed to make sure we were clear. It didn't take long to get breakfast cleaned up, dressed and on our way out. When we were waiting for the train, I took big breaths of the cold morning air and saw Tris doing the same.

I love Dauntless and being in Dauntless but there was something about being able to run free out in the open air like this. We made our jumps onto the trains with big smiles and blood pumping fast with adrenaline.

"We have a bit." I informed her then closed the car door, trying to ward off the cold.

She nods and rubs her hands up and down her arms and eyes me. "I need to get a better jacket, gloves and a hat."

I blush and look down nodding in reply. "We can pick something up when we get back. I didn't think of it before we left. Sorry."

She smirks at me and shakes her head. "It's ok, I didn't think about it either." She tilts her head and looks at me making me flush even more and look away. "You didn't buy those did you?" She asks me quietly.

I shake my head and bite my lip, tears burning behind my eyes. "No. It was the guys but Eric had it all at his place. Chase grabbed it when he brought my bag to me."

I look back to her and she smiles at me. "I know I haven't exactly thought much of him and I will be honest and say that I don't know if I can or will be able to like him. What matters to me is you being happy and treated right."

I grin ruefully and chuckle. "Right back at you." She laughs at this and nods.

"Do you think you and Four will be friends again?" She asks me after we are both quiet for some time. We had found places to sit but still watch out the windows of the door.

I shrug and breathe out. "I don't know that we will be as close as we were. We are both different than we were before. So much has happened but also just growing up in general. I hope we can be friends again and not just because if you two make up," I stop and look at her "…which I am pretty sure you will. I hope we can because I do miss our friendship."

She had blushed after I had declared I knew they would make up and sighed as I finished answering.

"Will you mind if we are friends?" I ask worriedly and she frowns at me in response.

"I won't mind if you are friends. It wasn't about the friendship that I got so upset about but that it was kept from me. I also wasn't upset at you for that part but him. He knew all these things about me because I always talked to him openly. The only thing I didn't tell him was about Al but everything else he knew. I even told him about us growing apart and how it hurt me. I was open to him but he just wasn't the same. It makes me question us and how things will go in the future. Maybe mom and dad spoiled us with how they are? Maybe that isn't how every relationship is but it is what I want, to be his partner and equal."

I nod with a frown. "I know, that's what I want too. Do you think mom and dad had times like we are having now? I never saw them fighting or arguing but there were times when I felt like they had been disagreeing about something or had been in the middle of a discussion."

"They kept it private. There were a few times when I remember them talking and I could tell they were debating something. I wouldn't say arguing because voices were never really raised but there was a tension between them. I also remember once, they had been doing that and mom decided that she needed to go to the volunteer center just before dinner. I asked if I should go with her and dad said it was best if she was left to herself."

I smirked at Tris and laughed. "Want to bet mom has just as bad of a temper as we do?"

She laughed too. "Well, ours had to come from somewhere."

The rest of the ride is spent talking about our lives in Abnegation, the good times. Our parents and memories of them. I think we both needed to be able to look back on that and see it wasn't all bad. I think she needed to know that despite what happened, it was never her or our parents I was dissatisfied with. That it wasn't so much that I didn't belong with my family, just not Abnegation and neither did she. We might be divergent and think differently, but as far as how I feel and want to live, we are Dauntless.

* * *

I have a feeling that for Tris, the talk with Evelyn might have helped her in coming to at least understand a little of what I had been trying to tell her. Of why I thought Four might not have told her about himself because of his need to protect his mother as well as Tris. Seeing Evelyn and how she handled the news of what happened to me probably expressed how fragile the older woman is.

The last thing she had said to Tris, and she said it with a smile, was to make her son work for forgiveness and to keep strong. The two got along really well and seeing us both, Amar said, would help tremendously to settle her.

Back at the compound again we were both feeling caged in I think. I know I was feeling like a coward because I didn't want to get out and be faced with questions or comments regarding Eric.

My friends had all taken the relationship in stride for the most part. Uri, Mar, and Will all seemed to take it about as well as they had Tris and Four. I have a feeling that Lynn had a talk with them to not harp on us about things considering neither of us knew if we were even still with the two rivals. When we got back to the compound from visiting Evelyn just after lunch, we had been kidnapped by our friends and taken to Uri's apartment to have a small party. Chase, Zeke, and Shauna were all there with us former initiates. Crane had been adopted into the group and not just because of him sharing the apartment. He was laid back and easy to get along with.

Lynn, Tris and I all agreed that night that we wanted to get back into a routine to keep up our skills up. Even though we knew when we started to train for our new positions they would have their own routine and schedule, we didn't want to slack off for the three days until we started.

With initiation over and every ounce of celebration has been wrung out of the process, Dauntless resumed back to its normal population. All of which seemed to be at lunch right along with my friends, sister and me. After two full days that we had laid fairly low and kept to our apartment or Uri's, we had decided enough was enough.

It felt good to get back into things. Lynn was practically dancing with a feral grin when we all woke up and made our way to the training room. I was still on some restrictions so there wasn't sparring on the menu today. By the time lunch rolled around, Uri, Mar and Will had finally joined us and now we were all together for lunch. During lunch we all discuss or speculate what our jobs will be like.

Will, who isn't supposed to start his position with Victoria until the same time as the rest of us, hadn't been able to resist spending just a little time there this morning. He started to regale us with his excitement almost as soon as we sat down.

After talking with the female leader, she had spoken with the others and was able to offer Will a position that would act as her assistant at times but also his main role will be to train to become the compounds main engineer. In Erudite, he had even obtained a certification for electrical engineering. That would serve him to start out with but the plan is for him to also train for a certification in mechanical and industrial engineering.

One of Dauntless' other roles, other than being police and military, are the maintenance of the equipment used in the factories many of the cities goods are produced in. While Dauntless don't work in the actual factories themselves we are charged with making sure all the equipment is in working order and to provide security for them. The factories are run by Abnegation along with factionless.

Marlene was offered and accepted a position as a nurse in the clinic. Shauna would be overseeing her training but there will also be some training involved with Erudite. It is the perfect position for her and the one she wanted but wasn't sure she was going to get if her ranking wasn't high enough.

Lynn was happy she was offered a Spec Ops position. Raze would be working with her and she would cross train with the Security division. Those two areas seem to have the most openings as the others were offered positions there too. Uriah went with a position in Security but he also elected to be a trainer when that time comes around. Peter went with Spec Ops in the end but I am not sure what he will actually be doing. He was very vague when telling us about it the night before.

"Christina picked the fence. She had a choice between working in the kitchen or going to the fence." Will informed us after someone asked about her.

Christina and he had talked, he told me last night. While it hadn't been official they were together, there had been an unspoken thing with them. After the investigation turned up what it did he knew he couldn't continue. He told her that while he wished her no ill, he didn't know that he could get over her remaining silent when she had information that could have stopped friends from being hurt. He was hoping that it wouldn't be awkward now that it was definite she was staying. She had come in last in ranking. As promised there had been no cuts but she wasn't offered a great position either.

"The fence?" Mar asks with a frown. "Why would she choose to go out of the compound?"

He shrugs looking at his plate. "I am pretty sure it was a better option for her. People are still pretty pissed about everything that happened. Maybe she thinks this will be a good way to prove herself."

I look at my sister to see how she is handling this news. She is frowning a little but she looks at me and shrugs with a sigh. I am glad to see there isn't guilt there. I know I don't have any. I don't hate my sister's former friend but I don't like her either.

Someone walks towards our table on their way out of the dining hall and is throwing me daggers with her eyes as she passes. I tense and glare right back at Lauren. I don't need or want to make enemies but I am not going to let the trainer think she scares me at all. She looks away and huffs the rest of her way out of the door.

Lynn catches my attention and smirks. "I still say we should arrange for a little showdown between the two of you soon. Shut her ass up."

I take a bite of my food and shrug in thought. "I am inclined to let her make a fool out of herself and keep talking. If it comes to it I might have to take you up on that."

Uri snorts and shakes his head. "Oh, she isn't going to stop. She is already pissed that neither Four or Eric would give her the time of day but even more furious that you two snagged them. The fact that you both got top rank and are in positions she wanted but couldn't get because of her rank probably has her blood boiling."

"We earned those ranks with our own blood sweat and tears. If I need to help her realize this by making her bleed a little, I will. I won't let anyone say crap about my sister." I grind out angrily.

Tris flashes a look at me. "How about we both show her?"

Zeke cackles a little and rubs his hands together. "Oh, this is going to be good. Promise me you will let me know when this happens. I either wanna be there or be able to record it."

I chuckle as Lynn makes the promise for us but determine that I will extend the training time a little today. There are a few things I want to show Tris that will come in handy I think.

* * *

"What is this called again?" Tris asks me with her eyebrow raised.

Lynn chuckles from beside in front of us in the Dauntless-born training room. We commandeered this room right after lunch so I could get started working with Tris on something Lynn and I had both started to teach ourselves a few years ago. It wasn't until recently, when working with Chase, that I had been able to get real instruction on it but I think that the style of fighting just might work for my sister.

"It's called Capoeira and is a martial arts style of fighting that Lynn and I discovered a few years ago. We had been working together to try and teach ourselves but it wasn't until I worked with Chase a few times that we got any real training on it. Lynn was able to work on it by herself the most before that." I inform her as we start to do the stretches that Lynn is showing her to follow along with.

"Okay. Why do you think it will be good for me though? Doesn't it take forever to really get that kind of stuff?" Tris says between breathing and stretching.

"It does and I am by no means an expert." I agree and change positions then Lynn picks up the explanation.

"You don't really need to be an expert on the entire fighting style right now but if you can get down a few really good moves, things no one expects you to know, it could have a real impact in a fight."

Tris stays quiet in thought for a minute or so while we finish up the warm up stretching then I stand and look at her. I had been thinking of the best way to describe to her why I think this could work for her.

"Okay. You remember how we used to stay after school sometimes when we were younger and watch those after school things the Erudite kids did? The dance and gymnastics things?"

She smiles at me and the memory, nodding.

I smile back and continue. "We used to find places to go and copy things we saw them doing, remember? You were always the first to pick them up and were really good."

"Those were just cartwheels and flips though. Nothing big." She says with a shrug and I glare at her cause I know she is trying to downplay that she is good at something. She blushes when she catches on to what she was doing and bites her lip with a nod to me to continue.

"We didn't know it at the time but that is a good start on what this style is about. It combines gymnastics and dance but more importantly it will work with the area we are strongest."

"Which is?"

Lynn smirks at a look from me and nods then does a move that is parts cartwheel, flip and spin kick all combined into one move that just flows into each other. It looks exactly like it is a deadly dance. Perfect.

Tris' eyes get wide but I see it register for her and she smiles widely. "Four always told me that I don't have a lot of upper body strength and to use my elbows and knees. To use my core as my strength. This will use that but also my legs which are really strong, right?"

Lynn and I nod in agreement. "Exactly. While Lynn has a lot more upper body strength than either of us, she is still more powerful in her lower body, like we are. Chase said it is just in how we are built. There are some women that aren't weak exactly but their bodies aren't made to have the upper body strength to carry through with powerful blows."

"Not to say that you will rely on kicks though, because that can be just as dangerous to only rely on that." Lynn says in warning looking at the both of us. "Also, remember that we don't have to have tons of power behind a hit if we get it to the right area. So, accuracy and speed will be big advantages for us."

Tris lets out a breath as she nods, then rolls her shoulders. "Okay then, let's get started."

I have to chuckle at the expression on my sister's face when Lynn grins wickedly. We agreed that she would be the one to lead us on this since she was able to practice with it the longest while I was still in Abnegation.

It's funny, because as far as teaching styles, Lynn is just as vicious as Eric can be. Once started she wasn't going to let up and she didn't. For the remainder of the days until we started our positions, we were in the training room. When we weren't in the training room working we spent with our friends at one of the apartments rather than the Pit. We had painting parties for those that wanted to put some color on the bland walls in our apartments.

Tris and I decided to work on something together and did a feature wall for the one that our bed is against. The wall was already a light grey color and we decided to keep that but do a quote on the wall. She told me Four had something written on his wall as a type of decoration. We took that idea and using some black paint we picked a quote from our favorite childhood book. One that our mom would read to us at night and then when we got old enough would read to each other. The book is called _Where the Wild Things Are_.

 _Inside all of is_

 _Hope. Fear. Adventure_

 _Inside all of is_

 _A wild thing_

Lynn, who had some talent in art took it upon herself to add something when we went to Will's to do some painting there. When we came back we saw that she had added the birds in flight we have on our tattoos in the same black paint. We had tried not to embarrass the Dauntless-born girl with tears but her smile had matched our own when she revealed it to us.

Not once did we see either Four or Eric and we didn't ask about them either from those close to them. Maybe it was the hurt that had us seeking out anything else that could take our minds off of it.

At night as I lay in bed and fought myself to sleep instead of let silent tears crawl down my face I wondered if he felt even a little of the pain and emptiness I was feeling. I wondered how he was filling those spaces, how he was coping with it. I used pushing my body to its limits and not giving myself time to stop and think. To go until I fell into bed in exhaustion.

Was he doing the same or was he using something else, someone else, to ease the pain? I decided I didn't really want to know. I will have to face him soon enough, sooner than I would like. I guess I will find out then.


	78. Whataya Want From Me

**A/N: Almost forgot today was Friday! Which** ** _is_** **the day I said I would be putting out new chapters for the chapter, so that means another update for you guys! Hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: May contain nuts. No. Wait. That's not right. The nut doesn't fall far from the tree. Nope. Not quite right either. Don't feed the squirrels...evil little demons. Nah, not that either. Oh well...you probably don't need this thing anyways.**

* * *

 **Chapter 78 - Whataya Want from Me**

 _Eric_

I tossed the empty bottle into the almost overflowing box of empties and scowled into the fridge when I saw that I was completely out of replacements. I slammed the door to the fridge and looked through my cabinets for anything with alcohol in it but I already knew I was going to come up empty.

In the...two...three…. however many days ago since my blow up with Kat, I had consumed everything I had that could possibly drown out the feelings I was experiencing. The boozy apple cider I had shared with her was the first to go.

I huffed and looked around the apartment with a scowl then grimaced at the state of it. The table was littered with paperwork and other stuff for work because I refused to leave the apartment and had set up a temporary office here. The living room is a mess of clothes and bedding that I dragged to the couch since I refused to sleep in the bed.

Chase's crap from when he had kept me company on the first night was still laying on the couch he slept on even though he had left me, unable to put up with the abuse I was throwing his way. Zach had given me a dirty look when he had come by to drop off some files Jeanine was requesting me to look at that I had left behind in my office. He didn't say anything but he didn't stick around either, hadn't even come back once in that time either.

Things were a mess and I knew it was all my fault but I couldn't figure out how the fuck to get out of it.

Everything had been fucking perfect right up until I had been called away for a meeting with Jeanine in Erudite the morning Kat and the others were going to pick out their jobs. The entire day before that had been spent with Kat alternating between the bedroom or on the couch and not all of it had been us having sex, although that had happened a good bit. We had spent time watching things I had mentioned before or she found when browsing through my collection and lounging on the couch, talking, eating the meals or snacks I made for us and letting her catch up on the sleep she had been missing out on.

I had talked to her about what to expect over the next few weeks and what job she was hoping to be offered. I knew she was wanting leadership and I also knew that both her and her sister would be offered the position. Max had already told me privately that he and Raze would be handling Kat and Tris' meetings so that there could be no chance of one of the other leaders or anyone else saying I had shown favoritism or tried to influence her decision in any way. I understood and was grateful that I could at least be there.

Or so I had thought.

I had been ignoring the messages from both Jeanine and Damon that started before they even really got away from the compound. My brother had been the one to accompany Jeanine during the final test, glued to her ass as he always is. When I didn't respond they had started to bother Max and there was only so much the older man could take.

That morning, Kat had surprised me and made breakfast for the two of us by slipping out of bed and getting it started. I had woken in a panic that she wasn't in my arms until I heard her in the kitchen. She had shrugged with a smile when I teased her about her supposed kitchen strike, then blushing sent me off to get a shower. We knew when my phone was going off constantly that my plans were going to change. We had eaten then met up with Peter, Zach and Chase before I went my own way.

Jeanine wanted a face to face and a vid conference call wasn't going to hack it. James got sent with me and we headed to Erudite. She made it clear she expected me to deliver Kat and Tris no matter what Max and the other leaders were saying. I had been hard pressed to keep my cool. The two of them, Jeanine and Damon, had been alternating between being demanding and their manipulations. By the time I was able to get out of there, close to dinner time, I was beyond furious. Maybe I was also feeling something from them getting their claws into me but I can't use that as all of the excuse for what I did. I came back to Dauntless, expecting to get my last meeting with Max and the others over with, then being able to go home to Kat only to get to that meeting and find all that blown to hell.

Kat had taken the leadership position, like we had talked about, but she had also taken an apartment with Lynn. Which is nothing like we had talked about at all.

I lost it.

I went storming through Dauntless until I found her in the dining hall. I had been hell bent on dragging her to housing and getting it sorted out because there was no way she was going to be anywhere but with me. It was all a fucked-up mess. She had been yelling at me, I was yelling at her. I vaguely heard Zach trying to get us both to calm down and mediate like he always did but it was too late.

I lashed out and said something that ended things right there. I don't remember the exact words I even said to her. All I knew was I was hurt, angry and feeling like she was rejecting me. So, I struck out at her with words I knew would make her feel just as bad if not worse. Accused her of being exactly the thing I had been told she was and that she had bought her position with lies and her body.

She didn't even respond. Just looked at me and I saw her closing every emotion off before she turned and walked away. I started to go after her when what I had done hit me but Chase stopped me, saying I was just going to make it worse and I would have. In fact, I did make it worse because I didn't stop at lashing out at Kat. No, I decided to accuse Chase of wanting to use this as his chance to get with Kat. That he had just been waiting for me to fuck up and had even let me do it so that he could move in.

I realized fairly early after Chase had stormed out of the apartment that I was just royally screwing things up everywhere but I have no clue how to make things right. He even took all of her shit to her that morning and I haven't seen or heard anything about her since. I knew as soon as I said what I did that I ended things with Kat. I saw it in her eyes and it was what I had intended in my pain. I wanted to end things on my terms, or so I told myself, if that was where it was heading.

I throw myself on my couch and sigh wearily, closing my eyes. I need to do something. Make it right and not just sit in here festering, trying to drink it all away. I just don't know what the fuck to do. Sitting here in the apartment, closed off, isn't doing anything for me but it is fear that is holding me back. Fear that I fucked things up too bad this time to make it right.

Deep down I know that if I called Chase or Zach up they would help me no matter how disgusted with me they are. They know how destructive I can be and have been there to help me in the past. Then again, in the past, I had never hurt someone we all cared about like Kat.

So, what do I do? Where do I start or is it too late?

I think I pass out from sheer exhaustion and the amount of booze in my system because I jerk awake to the pounding on my door and a deep voice telling me to open the fuck up.

I stumble to my feet and to the door. Bumping into the coffee table and tripping on the shit on the ground in the process. It is pitch black inside my apartment letting me know that it has to be deep into the night outside. I finally get to the door and fumble with the locks. My mind is so out of commission I don't even think to flip on a fucking light switch.

When I finally get the door wrenched open, I squint against the light pouring in from the hallway. It isn't even that bright but it is enough to irritate my eyes.

"Jesus fuck, you look and smell like shit, Coulter."

I blink and stumble as I am pushed to the side when the intruder, whose name I know but am having trouble producing, barges into the apartment. Light is suddenly filling the room and blinding me.

"What the fuck, Raze." I croak and shield my eyes with my hand as I let the door slam shut.

"Damn boy. You are deep in it." The older Dauntless man looks around the shit hole my apartment has become, shaking his head.

I scowl and make my way to the couch then flop down. "No, come on in." I mutter sarcastically and sweep my arm out. "Make yourself at home."

I don't know what I expect him to do because I don't have the first clue why this man should be at my place. Regardless, his shrugging and clearing of a space on the other couch takes me by surprise.

"What are you doing here?" I blurt out in a voice thick with the rawness of being unused and the slur of still being fairly drunk.

"What am I doing here?" He repeats and I crack my eyes open, that I had shut against the light, to see him half asking himself the same question as he looks around. "I guess trying to figure out what the hell _you_ are doing here. I didn't figure you for a quitter. Isn't that your motto? Dauntless don't give up."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Nothing you're in a condition to be able to get right now." He gives a sigh and scratches the back of his neck and grimaces. "You and this place stink something bad. So, here is what you are going to do. Take yourself to your bathroom and get cleaned up. I'll work on out here."

I don't know how it happened but before I know it I am standing in my shower under the spray of water. I think maybe it was the command. Being Dauntless for all these years has my mind trained and it must have felt grateful for something it could fucking handle other than this shit I have been struggling with over the last few days.

I let the scalding spray of the shower pound against my head, as I brace myself against the tiled wall with both hands. It is painful standing there and not just from the temperature of the water. The longer I stand under it, the clearer my head becomes and the more the memories of what happened invade. Bringing up every single one of the feelings I had worked so hard to drown out.

I sigh and turn my back to the water and let it do its work on that part of me while I run a hand through my tangled, matted mess of hair then run it down my face where I find a significant amount of hair growth there. While I am disgusted with my findings I am also grateful. It gives me something to do and focus on. I can push aside all the other crap I am unable to process at the moment and focus on what I can do to fix my immediate situation.

I do get flashes though that halt that progress. Flashes of Kat and me in the shower and how she loved it when I let her wash my hair for me. How she would smile and let the curls I gel out normally, wrap around her fingers. The scent of her shampoo overwhelms me and I realize I grabbed it instead of my own, so lost in the fantasy of all those times I massaged it into her hair.

Her voice floats in my mind as I remember the first time she showered here after her fight and being hurt so badly during it. How she had joked with me about using all the hot water in Dauntless. I close my eyes and call up the image of her sitting on my bathroom counter. She had been so brave to be there, half clothed in front of someone she barely knew. How insecure she had been about herself and I didn't know it because I had my own insecurities. Still, she had trusted me, reassured me of this.

 _"I really do trust you, Eric. I'm sorry if you didn't believe me earlier."_

 _Her eyes burn into me with their sincerity. There are no manipulations. No expectations. Just honest and pure trust. I smile at her and nod, a lump forming in my throat and she smiles back at me. The worry that had been in her expression smoothing away and she returns my smile with a beaming one of her own. I will myself to say something to her, anything to let her know that means something to me._

 _"That's a start, Kat. Thank you."_

From the start, she had believed in me in ways no one else ever had. In ways I hadn't known I needed until she came along. Time and again she has told me this but she has also backed that up by showing me.

What had I done to repay that?

I couldn't even begin to say how long it took me just to get myself cleaned up, but when I had finally gotten my face shaved as well as my hair back into my preferred length and style, I almost expected Raze to be gone. That maybe I had hallucinated the man even being here in the first place. Except, why would _he_ be the one I hallucinate about?

I walk out into the living room area to find the disaster I had left it to be gone. It is almost back to the spotless and ordered place I like to keep it. There is a bag of gathered laundry near the door as well as a few bags of trash but otherwise, it looks pretty good.

"You're going to need to get maintenance in here to patch up the bad renovation attempts you made." Raze says in a dry and sarcastic tone from my kitchen.

I scowl at the walls and the holes in them, then at his back where it seems he has just made himself at home. I smell food cooking and coffee brewing. My stomach gurgles and I realize it is probably days since I have had anything proper to eat.

"Lovely." I mutter and rifle through my cabinet for some aspirin then toss them back and down some water from the tap.

I eye him and what he is making at the stove then realize he isn't going to talk until he is ready. I grumble under my breath as I pour myself some coffee and slide into a chair at the table. When I am there, I realize I went to the same seat I started to go to since Kat came along. It doesn't feel right without her here, so I get up and change seats then occupy myself with cleaning up the table and putting all the work crap away. I didn't really get much of it done anyways.

Finally, Raze has finished and sets two plates on the table. I give a sort of grunted thank you, scowling but don't touch the food for the first bit. I just eye him and will him to get it over with.

"Is eggs and bacon too simple for an Erudite or something?" He asks me after he has swallowed a mouthful.

"No." I snap out. "And I'm not Erudite." I hunch over the plate and shove a forkful of eggs into my mouth then give him a look that I know is rather childish, asking him with my expression if he is happy now.

He smirks and chuckles at me. "I'll hold off my final decision on that until after."

I squint but don't bother to rise to the bait. The minute the food hit my taste buds I felt the lack of food in how my stomach cramped and begged for more. I set myself to giving it what it needed and we ate in quiet.

When my fork had scraped against the plate for the last time coming up empty, I let it clink back down and looked over at the man sitting across from me. His hands are steepled in front of him with his elbows on the table. His expression is one of amusement but also intense study. I hate both of those and how they make me want to shift, squirm, and how unsettled I am feeling right now. I pick up my coffee and sip with my eyebrow raised, taunting him to say something. To be the one to give first.

Finally, when he speaks I am caught by surprise by what he leads in with.

"What do you know about the day Kat encountered the factionless when she was younger?" It was a demand but it didn't have any of the usual gruffness or edge to it. There was a solemnity to the demand that had me pausing.

"I know that Marcus sent the factionless men after the girls. The way she described it, if she hadn't thought to send Tris after one our guys and held them off enough for her sister to get away, they would have probably been able to follow through with that."

He frowned but nodded. "What else?"

"Kat saw one of our patrolmen was about to be attacked from the side by a guy with a knife that had been hiding. She launched herself after him and she thinks she somehow managed to stab him. She was fuzzy on what happened after and I couldn't find the reports on it but she was shot by someone in Dauntless."

"There weren't any reports because Andrew Prior arranged for them not to be made at the request of his wife." He said with his face going a little hard. "She couldn't get them to change their vote to pull the Dauntless out but she was able to point out that without our faction her girls would be dead or worse. She didn't want anyone to be punished for something she knew was just bad circumstances."

I am scowling at this revelation. "Why would she do that and how would you know this?"

I have a suspicion that is bubbling in my still muddled mind. One that is telling me I am looking at the man that pulled the trigger on my girl.

"I know because Nat told me herself when she tried to reassure me that it wasn't my fault her daughter, and my goddaughter, was almost killed. No, I didn't pull the trigger but the patrol was under my command. A command I had been called away from on that day, something I have questioned every day since. It was also what drove me to take leadership finally."

I sat processing this information, almost unable to, and sipped on my coffee to help the process along. Finally, I cleared my throat and started with the questions I have.

"You said you are their godfather? What does that even mean and why doesn't it seem like they know about it?"

"It isn't something done in Dauntless but is common in Abnegation and even Amity. It is an honorary title with religious ties to it but for my relationship with Kat and Tris, Natalie asked for it to also be made into a legal one. So, if anything were to have happened to Natalie and Andrew they arranged with it to be filed in Candor that the girls would come to Dauntless and be under the guardianship of myself and one other person Natalie has a relationship with and trusts."

"Who is the other person, and again, why doesn't Kat know about this?" I demand as he stopped, lifted his cup to his mouth and sipped his coffee.

"The other person is Hana Pedrad. I am sure you can figure out by now that Natalie was Dauntless before she transferred to Abnegation. Nate and Hana Pedrad, Max, Natalie, and myself all knew each other. Were good friends even. I was a few years younger than Max and Nate and was closer to Nat and Hana. As for why the girls were never told, that was at the request of Andrew." He frowns heavily at this last part and I get there is more to the story and I want to know what.

"Why?" I ask simply instead.

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "When they made the request from Hana and me, then had it filed in secret at Candor, the girls were already six and seven years old. They were also already obviously showing signs they weren't meant for Abnegation. Andrew felt that if they knew about our being their godparents, it would only strengthen that. That he would lose his daughters somehow. We didn't like it but I respected it. He's their father and just wanted to keep his girls safe and with him. I could understand that."

"So, your sudden interest of what I was doing with Kat?" I ask out loud, putting it all together. His protectiveness that seemed to be so sudden and deep for just meeting Kat and Tris, was making so much sense now.

He chuckled deeply. "It wasn't sudden. I had been watching carefully but there was a lot I missed while I was in Amity and doing the damn wall and fence maintenance checks. It had to be done even though I knew it was around the time the girls were choosing. There hadn't been a doubt from me they would be coming to Dauntless and Natalie had even gotten a message to me telling me that she was predicting it as well."

"Did you know about all the other crap if you were watching her so closely?" As soon as I ask the question I am cursing myself because it is an idiotic one and coming from a place of jealousy. I clearly remember the look on his face when we had gotten to the dorm and found Al with the knife at Kat's throat. I also remember when he was filled in on what the investigation had been about and what was discovered. I hadn't understood then but I do now that what I saw was the guilt and pain of someone that felt like a father to Kat.

He glares at me and sucks his teeth as he grips his cup of coffee just a little bit tighter. "Gonna let that go and put it down you talkin' out of your ass from all the shit you been drinkin'."

I look away, swallow and nod once before looking back.

"I get it, you care for her. You are protecting her. So why are you here now?" I mutter looking at my cup of coffee.

"I don't like you much and probably never will but I can see you care for her too. I might even go so far as to say you feel much more than that. I know she feels the same way, though fuck if I know what she sees in you. I can also see that…" He stops at my glare at him and disregards it as he continues, "...you two are good for each other. It doesn't take an Erudite brain to see that you and your friends were there for her. Helping her to deal with the shit that bastard has done and getting her to see that she didn't need to deal with it alone. 'Cause she would have kept it to herself and made it her personal mission to deal with it if not for it being brought to light."

I nod in agreement and sigh internally at that. I always had it in my mind that if it had never come up in her sims or if Zach, Chase and I hadn't pushed or even been there to get to know her, she would have done just that. She would have made her mission and carried the weight of it herself, not ever telling anyone because she still would have been trying to protect others from getting involved and hurt.

"You aren't wrong about that. She carries all that guilt thinking she is the cause of it all. It's better but still there." I inform him brokenly.

I can see this admission affects the man. He clears his throat and looks away for a moment and sighs. "Anyways, to why I am here at ass late in the night and cleaning up after your broke down butt. You're fuckin' it up, Coulter." He grins that wicked grin, daring me when I start to raise out of my seat. "Sit your ass down and listen before you buck up at me. Believe it or not, I'm tryin' to help you. Now, I can understand taking a step back so you don't mess shit up even more but you are giving that girl time to stew. To come up with all kinds of shit in her mind that she will start to put down as fact. I know her mom and how her mind worked and how stubborn she could be, her daughters aren't that far off. I don't know what you said to her because I wasn't there and she isn't talking. Neither are her or your friends. I know she is hurting. So, what the hell did you do to the girl? Maybe I can help you navigate the landmine you seem to have landed yourself in."

I sit there in silence, alternating between wanting to tell him to piss off and desperately wanting to latch onto anything that might help me fix this. Is my pride stronger than my desire to fix this? Is it worth it to open myself even just a little bit to this man, someone I don't know from Adam, to get advice that might not even make a bit of difference in the end?

I think back to the earlier and all my thoughts, the flashbacks of Kat. I think back to how I felt before she ever came to my life and the first time I held her. I think about the pain even the thought of losing that causes and I know, pride be damned. I would probably sell my soul to the devil himself to get Kat back.

He settles back in his chair, relaxing as if he knows what I have decided and is getting ready for a long one. He isn't wrong. Then I start to do something I haven't done with anyone but Chase, Zach, and Kat.

I talk about my feelings, my past and...my fears.

* * *

"Eric," Max greets me as I step into the conference room. He is trying to be casual about eyeing me over and not making a big deal about the fact that I drug myself into work instead of trying another half-ass excuse about being under the weather and needing to confine myself to my apartment for the well-being of the others.

That was the message I had sent to him in a very drunken stupor by way of trying to explain why I wouldn't be working from my office. Drunk me thinks he is slick as hell apparently. I nod in greeting to him knowing I still look rough. It is the morning after Raze showed up at my door and I have had all of maybe two hours of real sleep.

The man himself sits in a chair across from the table from me looking fresh in comparison. Then again, he hadn't been on a major bender for several days so a few hours loss of sleep for him isn't going to show quite as much. He nods to me and turns away but I don't take offense to it. I made a promise to him I wouldn't tell either Kat or Tris about his relationship with them, he wanted to do that on his own.

I think I get the man now and even admire him. I have a better sense of what side he would fall on in the case of moving us away from Erudite. I know out of the other leaders he is one I can say with certainty I could trust. If only because of his relationship with Kat and Tris as well as their parents but it isn't just because of that. We didn't get into details about divergents or any of that mess. I might have given him a rundown on losing my parents and my messed-up relationship with my brother as well as the influence of a certain unnamed person, but I didn't go into that part of what is going on. I might soon, but not yet.

For now, I am still thinking over our talk and his advice. Starting out with getting out of my own misery and back to work. Tomorrow, all the new members will start their new positions. Raze already prepared me for the fact that Kat would be working with him. It had been decided before the personal breakdown of my relationship with her. I didn't like it and he knew that was coming but after I calmed down I saw this was better.

First, being under Raze meant that most of her interactions with other factions would be primarily the ones he had dealings with. That was mainly Amity but he also dealt with Candor to keep up the security and manpower at the Justice Center Annex of Candor. That was where those that had committed crimes were kept to serve out their sentences but also were where any executions were carried out.

She would still need to receive some training for the other factions and there would be some shadowing of meetings at those factions along with the tour of the departments we deal with but it could be arranged that she would do those along with the others that would need to get that same training. This would limit her interaction at Erudite and Jeanine.

Second was the fact that I know Kat would want to find her own identity as a leader and in the faction. One of the main reasons I had for holding myself back from her in the first place had been the fear that she would suffer the same prejudice and gossip my own rise as leader had been under. Working directly under me or with me could fuel the gossips about how exactly Kat got her position. I couldn't let that happen.

Raze's advice to me wasn't anything I didn't already know and had resolved to do for and with her. I had told her that I didn't want to change her or control her but I had been doing just that with assuming she was going to live with me. I hadn't asked her once but just knew it was a given. That was the first mistake and the breakdown in what I had always said we needed to do, keep talking to each other. It wasn't like there hadn't been opportunity to talk to her about that. It was like I had almost skipped the part of telling her about choosing housing on purpose. I could only blame that on my insecurity. By skipping over that I didn't have to face that insecurity and admitting it to her.

The other advice he had for me, was to let her have her say when I finally do talk to her and to accept whatever decision or decisions she has made. I don't know if I can follow that last bit. Not if it means the end of us.

What I can and will do is bide my time. I won't let it be the end of everything. I might have to prove myself to her, earn her trust again, show her I value it and won't throw it away again.

Right now, there is work to do. I said I wanted to make this faction what it should be and I needed her by my side for that. Tomorrow, that phase begins and I will make sure the faction is ready.

I just hope that by allowing so much time while I was figuring things out, that she hasn't given up on me.

Lunch time rolls around and I am still in my office catching up on work that had been shoved to the side over the last few days. I am keeping myself busy and getting this knocked out so I don't jump the gun and go try and find Kat right now. It isn't the time. I can reach out to the other people important to me and that I cut out during my own meltdown.

The knock on my door lets me know that one if not both of my friends accepted my invite to join me in the office for lunch. I clear my throat and hate the discomfort I am feeling, the nerves, in regards to this meeting.

Chase comes in first, face set in stone and not showing anything. Zach follows close behind him and is the more open. He always is. I see strain there, maybe even a little relief that I contacted them. He has to see that it was a good sign I made the first gesture.

I motion to the bags I have on the desk. I ordered some food from one of the delis for us and had one of the guys in my department go get it. "I ordered from that place beside the commissary."

Zach gives me a side smile after mumbling thanks while Chase just crosses his arms over his chest and remains sitting. Not reaching for a bag at all. Zach elbows him and gives him a pointed look.

"What? Just because he finally swam of the shithole of self-pity and bought lunch doesn't make it alright." He snaps over to Zach, the only sign of his true feeling or state of emotions.

Zach starts to speak up but I stop him. I already expected this. I knew Chase would be the harder to convince and make it up to. "I don't expect a few sandwiches to make things ok, Chase. It gave me an opening to get you both here though." I sigh and rub the back of my neck and slump back into my chair. "It's not an excuse and it doesn't excuse things I said, but I let them get to me again. Me turning up in Kat's fear landscape, they put things together that at least I was important enough to Kat that I turned up. I don't think they knew for sure my own involvement or feelings but they used it like they did."

I stop and look away, swallowing and frowning at the wall. "I was deep in my own head and when I got here to find out she had taken the apartment, it just hit the nerve they had been working on."

I shrug and look back at them. Chase has lessened the stone expression but I know he still wants and needs more. I think for him he won't be ok until he knows Kat is. It's how I would be and even then, if it was anyone other than Chase or Zach that had hurt Kat, I wouldn't be so quick to forgive.

Zach has his typical, open to hear me out and wanting to know more, expression. The one I don't need him to vocalize the question he has wondering what exactly they said.

"They twisted how she handled the fear around. You guys remember me showing you that she basically questioned the order from Jeanine but followed it when Max gave it instead?"

"They said she turned on you easily there so she would do it in real life. That it was showing her real colors." Chase states blandly and in a matter of fact tone. Surprisingly for me, this summation of exactly what happened came from Chase and not Zach. He sighs and runs a hand over his face. "That was probably after spending an hour bringing up past shit with your parents and how easily they trusted before. Am I right?"

I can only nod, because that is exactly right. He looks at Zach a look who is almost smug with an _'I told you so'_ side smile.

"So, when I get here and I find out she took the apartment, all I could see was that she didn't want me and it had all been me being played." I stop and shake my head because that isn't all of it and I need to be honest. "That isn't all of why I reacted how I did. I knew I was lashing out at her, hurting her purposely and there is a part of me that just wanted her to hate me. If she hated me then she could get over me and move on and be with someone that deserves her. Someone that wouldn't be so messed up and broken that I can let something people say, people who mean nothing to me, cause me to hurt the ones that I do care about. To drive away the person I see in my mind as the better man for her because there isn't a chance he would have let something like that happen to him."

The silence is heavy between us then Chase lets out a long dramatic sigh, rolling his eyes and reaches for the sandwich in one of the bags. "Fine. I'm a slut and can be bought with food." He mutters and unwraps it with a flourish.

Zach tosses me my own and nods to the food and me. Inside I am relieved that at least one person has forgiven me for my crap. But the three of us know that for me the real person I am wanting to make things right with won't be so easily done.

We eat a little before I take a breath and ask the question I have been wanting to ask from the moment they entered. "So, how is she?"

They look between each other and Chase answers with a shrug. "Not great but not bad now. The first night…" He swallows and shakes his head, "...it wasn't so good especially after Tris."

I scowl and look at the two of them. "What does that mean?"

Zach sighs and puts his food down. "While I was getting her away from you and Chase was getting you away from her, Tris confronted her. It was pretty obvious when you came into the dining hall and the way you pulled her against your chest then dragged her out that there is something between the two of you. Lynn said that Four and Tris started having a hushed bickering match before she pushed him away from her and went after you two. She didn't know what they were saying exactly but she did hear Four tell Tris not to get in the middle of it."

My eyebrows raised at this and I looked at Zach skeptically. He shrugged and continued on. "I'm not saying he was defending you or taking your side, I'm just telling you what she heard. Anyways, Tris and Kat got into their own confrontation. They both said some stuff to each other and I could tell Kat was about to just have a full-on meltdown and that she was going to hate herself for it after. I got her to the new apartment. Lynn took over but told me she shut herself in the room and cried until she passed out."

"Fuck." I croak out and I can feel pain radiating through me. "Goddammit." I bury my head in my hands.

"But hey," Chase says and the amusement in his voice has me looking up at him in disbelief, "At least you weren't the only idiot that managed to royally fuck up, because Four seems to have followed you into the doghouse just hours later."

He looks like way too cheery of an asshole right now as he takes a big bite of his sandwich and Zach slaps him on the back of his head. My lips twitch a little at the ensuing argument that happens between them and I shake my head.

"Hey Abbott and Costello, want to finish telling me what has been going on? Or do you want to keep rolling with this little comedy routine?"

The rest of lunch is spent with them telling me a rundown of what happened. They aren't for sure what caused the break up with Tris and Four or if they are done for sure but neither have seen Four either. Zach got the feeling from things the girls have said to each other that it boiled down to how long and how much Four kept from her. I felt better that it seemed like the sisters were not only over whatever happened between them but that they were also stronger.

When lunch was done, Chase headed back to control and his own office. Zach stuck around for a few minutes longer and looked at me before he headed out of the door.

"Are you going to demand her to move in with you?" There is a warning in his tone and I get what he is trying to caution me about.

I shake my head. "I'm not going to demand anything from her, Zach. I don't have the right but I also know that isn't how it should be. I might not have the playbook on how this relationship should work. I can't promise I am not going to fuck it up again but I can hope I won't make the same mistakes."

He smiles at me and nods. "That's a start. Good luck."

Luck. I don't need luck, more like I need a damn Hail Mary.

* * *

"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me." I mutter and let my head fall back a little but I still keep walking forward.

I scowl just as hard as the person approaching from the opposite direction. I am in the corridor that Lynn and Kat's apartment is on and when I am steps away from it, Four is doing the same thing from the other side.

We stop a good few paces from one another, staring each other down.

"Eric." He says in a strained tone. It sounds like an accusation rather than a greeting.

I snort and look him over. He looks rough as hell. A smile spreads across my face as the thought hits me that he must feel worse than he looks if he is showing anything at all. His eyes narrow and his fists clenched at his side. I roll my eyes and let the smile drop.

"You're looking about how I feel, stiff. Which means you probably feel even worse than me." I can't help the smug tone I have at that.

Four just shakes his head and sighs tiredly. "Are you ever _not_ an asshole, Eric?"

I nod slowly. "Sure. With those people I give a shit to not be a dick to. You aren't on that list." I shrug and wait. I don't know what I am doing here other than kicking a man when he is down. It doesn't even feel as satisfying as I thought it would or as it would have in the past.

"Whatever, just forget it. I don't know why I even try." He muttered and stepped forward.

I scoffed and stepped forward too. "When have you tried?"

"I said forget it." He snapped at me. "I don't know why the hell it was you she picked but if I have anything to say…"

I step forward and eye him menacingly. "You don't have anything to say about it, Four." I scoff at him then close my eyes and coach myself to cool down. "Trust me when I say that trying to control Kat, fuck either of them, is _not_ the way to go. That has been her issue with you this entire time. One of them anyways." I mutter the last part darkly and feel a little pleasure at the flash of guilt in his eyes.

"What do you know about either of them?" His chin raises in defiance.

"Just because you have technically known Kat longer doesn't mean you know her. I know because she talked to me, Four. Despite what you might think, or what you do yourself, I listened."

A smug smile crosses his face and I know he is going to come back with something to just piss me off so I step forward and cut him off. "I don't want to hear whatever insult you were about to hurl. I don't have to like you or want to even talk to you but for her sake, I will at least learn how to ignore your annoying ass."

I face the door and stare at it. Taking a breath and wishing that the person next to me would disappear. I don't need him to see that damn door being slammed in my face.

"Why did you cover for me?" The quiet question from beside me confuses me for a moment.

I whip my head to look at him and all traces of animosity are gone. There is genuine curiosity there.

"Why do you think I covered for you?" I answer his question with one of my own, not wanting to actually admit I did anything of the kind.

He gives a small smile before it drops. "The same reason I covered for you."

It is so fucking weird how I understand this person, who I have hated for so long, without the actual words being said. He covered for me at the factionless attack, when I showed my feelings for the first time in how I reacted to Kat being shot. I covered for him when he took out his own father.

For both, of us, it was all for her sake.

I give a nod of understanding and he returns it and looks like he is going to say something but doesn't get the chance. The door to the apartment whips open and our heads snap around to face it.

"See, I told you I wasn't hearing the ghosts of Christmas past." Lynn stands there with her hand on the door, holding it wide open. While Tris and Kat stand further into the apartment with wide eyes, their hands clinging together tightly.

Their eyes are darting between the two of us in rapid succession and confusion. There is a really uncomfortable silence and ridiculousness to the situation but I can't for the life of me think of a way to move past it smoothly.

"Come on, Tweddle dum and Tweddle dee. You're letting all the flies in." Lynn says with a smirk and motions us to enter with her head.

I move as if on autopilot with the heading set straight for Kat. I can't tell what she is thinking or feeling and if I weren't so damn good about hiding my feelings, I am sure I would look as scared as I feel.

I get through the doorway and hear the door clicking behind me. I have a foot in the door but whatever happens now is all up to me.


	79. Headstrong

**A/N: I promise I don't mean to do cliffhangers but they just work out that way. I usually have so much going on that a chapter just gets bigger and bigger as I go. Such a hard decision to figure out where to cut it off. I hope you guys like this follow up! The Prior girls get to show why there were at the top. Thank you, everyone, for the love this story has received. I know there aren't as many reviews as others and I have gotten messages about that, but really I hadn't expected anyone to wanna read the insane ramblings from my mind, so this is ALL gravy to me. So thank you everyone for your views, reviews, follows and fave's.**

 **Disclaimer: This still Roth's cheese ball. So, second verse, same as the first and all.**

* * *

 **Chapter 79 - Headstrong**

 ** _Kat_**

"I don't think we should get the twin beds like we mentioned the other night." Tris breaks me out of my staring into space while sipping my coffee at our table in the dining hall.

Raze was missing this morning so we weren't blessed with the amazing coffee. He still won't tell me from where he gets it. Which is fine, for now, since we decided not to get a coffee maker for the apartment yet. We are holding off on getting any big purchases until we saw what our schedules were going to be like. No sense spending points on things we won't be there to use. The beds had been one of the things we threw out as an idea so we didn't have to sleep on the same bed, even if it is a big one.

I blink and let the coffee catch my mind up to her words. "Okay." I shrug in agreement because it doesn't really bother me to share a bed. It isn't like I expect to have any guests or anything. "Not that I mind sharing, but why the change?"

She bites her lip and looks down into her own cup. "I was thinking, what if you and Eric do makeup and you decide to move in with him? Then having two beds wouldn't make sense."

I frown at this and think of how to answer. We hadn't vocalized the possibility of not getting back with Four or Eric but we also hadn't vocalized the possibility that we would. I had given both scenarios plenty of thought though.

"If we do talk and try to work things out," I say slowly and look around to make sure we are still on our own right now. It is early enough that the place is fairly empty and Lynn went off somewhere to get a surprise or something for us. "I don't know that I will want to just, jump in, to where we were before. I don't know if I can, honestly. I feel like maybe all of this happened for a reason, that either we aren't meant to be together or that it was to allow me to see something I was missing."

She tilts her head as she frowns at me. "Like what?"

"All our lives, everything has been dictated to us. Dictated by our faction, our parents, or just circumstances. For so long, so much has felt like it is out of my control. That there was no place safe for me that was my own. Our parents' home was just that, their home. I hadn't really felt safe there in a very long time. That was ripped away from me. Eric's apartment, it's his apartment. I won't say, even with how hurt I am by things, that I felt unsafe there because I didn't. I did feel safe but it was because….it was _his_ space and I knew _he_ made me feel safe. I need to know that I can feel safe on my own. That I am capable of doing that for myself and not having to run to someone else for it. Having my own space, it gives me the ability and control to do that." I finish softly but more confidently than I had started out.

It had started out as just a stream of thought. Things that had been floating around in my mind but I hadn't put together cohesively. It seemed jumbled and like it didn't make sense. Saying them out loud is showing me that it does make sense, at least to me. I can feel that this is something I needed but didn't know I needed until just this moment.

Tris must feel the same way because she is nodding slowly. "I feel like I am just finding out who I am, you know? With all that…. _uncertainty_ …." she says meaningfully to me and I nod that I understand, so she continues, "...I was clinging to the things that I was certain about. I thought I was certain about us and Four himself. When one was called into question I began to wonder but when the other fell apart…" She sighed and shrugged. "I want to be able to be me and not lose that to be able to be with him. I want to be able to be my own person and him accept me. I am like you in that, I also want to know that I can do this on my own, that I can be independent instead of needing someone to take care of me. I think that might be a lot of his issue. He has never seen me stand on my own. From the way we met until I got here and he was my instructor, his role in my life has been more of a protector. Maybe he needs to see that just as much as I need to do it."

I nod and look at her but remain quiet while I can tell she is deep in thought. "So, what would you want to do, if you two were able to work things out?"

"Maybe the same thing. Not jump right in like we had been planning to at first. Maybe take the time to get know each other as we are now, how I am now, before we make such a big step." Tris says firmly and I smile at her and nod.

"Okay then." I sip my coffee and then swallow before smiling at her. "So, you don't think we need to get those beds or do I need to put up with your stealing my half of the covers still?"

We start laughing as Lynn approached the table with a box in her hand a smile on her face. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing." Tris and I say at the same time, still smiling.

"What do you have there?" I ask Lynn, reaching out for the box.

She slaps my hand away and scowls at me. "All in due time, young one."

"This sensei thing has gone to her head," I say with a raised eyebrow to my sister.

She looks grave and nods. "You know what they say, Lynn. Careful that the student doesn't surpass the master."

Lynn smirks and looks at her gleefully. "I sense a challenge, Tris. Are you challenging me?"

Tris hesitates but then nods. "I am."

Lynn slams her hand on the table, startling the few people around and drawing their attention to us but my friend doesn't care. I can tell. She is fired up. She stands and looks at Tris.

"To the dojo!" She shouts and then yanks the box from under my fingers and smirks at me before she takes off towards the training room.

I didn't expect there to be people in the training room, but there were. Many more people than should be in the Dauntless-born training room at this time of morning. Our friends, I understand. Lynn had messaged them before we even made out of the dining hall.

Raze and Chase are even in here and I am not sure why that is. They are looking at us as we warm up and are smirking, making me think they are up to something. I can't focus on that. I need to keep calm because I know my friend is not going to go easy on Tris. I have to remember that Tris can do this. She is stronger than anyone truly gives her credit for. Then she even gives herself credit for.

I warm up with them as always. The plan is to get in some sparring of my own with Tris before she moves on to the actual real deal with Lynn. More people filter in, I see Zeke coming in looking resolved and serious as he goes over to speak to Raze and Chase. Lynn calls my name and tells me to focus so I have to look away and I can't see what they might be talking about.

"Tris, Kat…. this is just another training session like any of the other days. This is planned. We need to be able to filter out the distractions." Lynn orders us and I look to Tris.

She knows, like I do, that something is ringing in Lynn's words. There is truth but she isn't speaking all of it. She said this is planned, which is the truth, but something is telling me it isn't any kind of normal training session. We continue on with our warm up stretching and exercises. The flips and moves we have been perfecting over the last week require all the muscles in our body to be warmed up properly so that we don't strain or tweak them when we push them to their limits by twisting and turning our bodies. Contorting them in ways that would seem impossible but that we have found are not only doable and but also very effective.

It is in the middle of this that I catch something out of the corner of my eye, someone walking into the room. It takes a second for it to register but when it does, a feral smile starts to spread across my face. I look to Lynn and catch her eye. She gives me a nod returns my same smile. I look over to my sister and see her face set in determination. She looks at me and nods.

The comment of this being planned makes sense now. All week Lauren has been putting out little comments about Tris and me. How we must have been fucking our way to the top all along. Trying to be slick about it by constantly bringing up how we were in Abnegation before now, so how could he have done so well. She even tried to use what happened to me with Marcus to put doubt in people's mind. That had caused more than a few of my friends to want to take her on themselves. Tris and I put a stop to that by claiming that we had first go at her but that we weren't going to lower ourselves to start something with her. It was what she was wanting.

I can see now that our friends had decided to help things along and set this up.

Lauren is sauntering over towards Raze and Chase. Looking at us disdainfully but I see something in her eyes. Uncertainty and fear. I think she knows her bluff has just been called.

Time to cash in her chips.

It started when I was sparring with Tris. I could hear Raze and Chase talking with Uriah and Zeke rather loudly, drawing the attention of Lauren who had been called down as the Dauntless-born trainer to answer questions about concerns that were being expressed regarding training. They were debating the training methods used for the Dauntless-born and its effectiveness. This was done on the premise that two transfers had ranked in the top two spots. Was there something that needed to be changed?

We continued on, though I know we were both half listening to what was going being said and this was playing out. After seeing Lauren walk in, something told me not to go into sparring with the moves we had been working on. Lynn was non-verbally communicating this as well. So, we continued and then broke when Raze shouted at us to stop.

"Would either of you care to help us settle a dispute?" He asks a question but just like Eric, it is a command.

"Sir?" I ask, breathing to keep my cool and not get too excited. Trying to act like I don't know this has all been setup.

Chase gives a tiny smirk before he takes over. "There is a concern that I think is valid. Two transfers have ranked top; one of them with a perfect fight record. This isn't the first time this has happened though and there are concerns that maybe the training methods of the Dauntless-born aren't sufficient."

"The training methods are fine." Lauren snarls as she looks over at Chase then back in our direction. "Besides, what could _these_ two possibly be able to offer that would help something that has worked for us for years before they even got here."

"Obviously things haven't been working very well if our own dependents are being outmatched by transfers. The only real way to solve this debate, though, is to put it to the test." Raze said as if this was obvious.

"Fine. How do we do that?" Lauren asks, not even bothering to look at either Tris or me and focused on Raze and Chase.

Lynn bounces a little and then says in the most innocent sounding voice I have ever heard come from her. "Oh, I know." I almost choke at how guileless she is sounding like the idea really did just come to her. The three of them turn towards her, waiting for her to continue. "It's the training that is in doubt, right?" Chase gives a nod with his face free of emotion but I wonder if he wants to break out into laughter right now too. "Then why don't the two trainers put their skills to the test? Both the Dauntless-born transfers are here, and we do have the two top ranked initiates as well." She shrugs and looks at us, a flash of worry passing over her eyes before it is gone and she continues. "Why don't you guys pair off for a matched fight?"

Raze and Chase look at each other in thought while Zeke speaks up beside them. "That isn't a bad idea. We would want to set a few limits. Not the same as for sparring but not the intensity we require for ranked fights."

They debate between themselves while my friends and I remain quiet. I see Lauren eyeing me, fighting herself on something. I am not completely sure what but I have a feeling. I just don't know what I think about that feeling.

"Well, why not the same rules as ranked fights?" She finally gets out and I can tell she is having to force herself to say it. She is eyeing Tris while she does and the look in those eyes has my blood boiling. "We want to determine if they are all that better than me," she stops and looks over at Chase and Raze then corrects herself quickly. "I mean if the transfers are better than the Dauntless-born so we should go all out."

I look away from her. If I keep looking at her I will lose it with how she is locked on to my sister and thinking she is going to be able to take her because she is the weaker of us. I know it's because Tris didn't have the fight record I had but it doesn't make me feel any calmer. She is seeing the stats and not the fact that two of those fights weren't even real fights. Either way, the move is a cowardly one. Thinking she can pick the supposed weaker one and then prove her own worth. Lynn would say it was a bitch move and I have to agree. I want to demand she face me. I want to take her on. I am vibrating with the need too in fact. I look to see Chase staring me down and he gives a slight shake of his head, knowing what I am thinking and why.

"While I can agree that we would want to have a good showing, I don't think we need to go as far as a ranked matches rules. First to tap or until I call as good. That should work." Raze proclaims and looks to all of us. "Sound good to you guys?"

Chase and Lauren nod, she agrees a little more eagerly than he does; probably relieved that she won't have to fight until she can't fight anymore while still looking good for making the suggestion, to begin with. Raze looks to Tris and I then asks if we are game.

"I'm in," I say in response and Tris gives her own consent.

He smiles at us before he then looks to the two trainers. "Okay then. Who wants who?"

"I want the first ranked." Lauren blurts out quickly. Her eyes darting between me and Tris.

I scowl at her but otherwise keep my mouth shut. This causes her to smile at me smugly.

"That's fine with me," Tris says and I am proud of her tone, bored sounding but otherwise even.

I look at Chase and shrug casually. "I guess you're stuck with me."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "You make that sound like a bad thing."

I tilt my head at his tone. It almost sounds like a flirting one. Not something he has ever used with me. Then I hear Lauren huff and look at her as it dawns on me what I think he was trying to do.

I smirk and respond to Chase but am looking at Lauren. "It's not. You don't hear me complaining." I look back to him and smile widely and genuinely amused because it got the exact reaction from Lauren I was hoping for.

Chase winked at me but was stopped from saying anything else by Lauren snapping out at us. "You two finished?" She spits out then stops and looks at Tris before looking back at us. "I need to warm up so you can go first. I don't see either match taking too long." She shrugs and smiles. "I should be more than ready when you are done."

Lynn had already started to pull me over to the area before she finished speaking. "Jesus, I fucking hate her." She mutters when we are a good distance away.

"Hate doesn't even begin to describe it," I mutter back and busy myself in getting ready for my match with Chase.

Lynn helps me tape my hands and slip on the thin gloves that have barely there padding. A change from initiation is that after we became members they actually let us use gloves and other protective equipment.

I look out the side of my eye at the stretching form of Lauren and stifle a growl then focus on Lynn who is snapping her fingers in front of my face. Lauren did me a favor by volunteering my match to be first. I could get it over with then focus on Tris and her fight with Lauren. Lynn smirks at me and shakes her head.

"Good thing Lauren picked Tris. I don't know that you would have left anything recognizable of her."

I grin back at her and echo Chase's words from earlier. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

She chuckles darkly and pushes me forward when Raze calls for us to start already. I breathe in slowly as I am walking forward and let it out just as slowly as Chase stands in front of me.

His blue eyes are sparkling with a familiar glint in them but his expression is the same blank and hard mask he wears when he is carrying out his role as a trainer. He is looking forward to this and I have that same feeling settling in me. A comfortable warmth spreading through me that leaves adrenaline burning along the way. My muscles seem to twitch and tremble with the anticipation as a grin crosses my face.

His lips twitch slightly but it halts quickly as soon as Raze gives the order to begin.

We circle each other at first. To others, the small movements made by feet or hands would look like warm up moves or taunts, but it is actually him talking to me. A system developed between the three men that was also taught to me during my time training with them.

In this, he is telling me basically to hold off on the new moves we have been working on and go with things from prior sessions. It will still shut Lauren's ass up because I will still have to work at this. He is also telling me he isn't going to go easy on me.

 _Well, I wouldn't want him to._

I realize that I need this kind of therapy, as Zach would call it. Something to work out the tangle of feelings inside of me. Maybe he knew or sensed this and wanted to also help with the other issue regarding Lauren. When she said she wanted Tris as her opponent relief had flashed in his eyes. Despite my wanting to tear Lauren apart, I am glad he is the one I am facing.

In a way, fighting against Chase has always been a better challenge for me than when I went against Eric. It wasn't that one is better than the other. It's just that by the time we were forced to stop our training sessions together it was noticeable there was something between Eric and me that made the fights less of a challenge. We had developed an awareness or a connection of sorts that made it easier for us to predict what each other would do. The last few sessions Eric had been working towards seeing if we could build on that in some way. Making us a team that could work together as extensions of the other person. With Chase, there was still a familiarity but it was his style of fighting rather than himself that I was really familiar with.

There was also how Chase fought too that was a challenge. Eric was power and upper body. Chase didn't focus on this alone and had good use of his lower body being able to go into moves that are familiar in Taekwondo and Capoeira.

He also preferred to allow the other person to lose patience and move first. When he did strike, it was hard and precise. Which was something similar to mine but I always seemed to lose patience before he would. Zach had said that watching the two of us fight against each other was like watching two cobras, twisting around each other in some kind of deadly dance.

We began to pick up the pace of our movements and not allowing as much time in between each of our strikes. I would strike and retreat then dodge when he would follow me. He would land a blow and pull back only for me to go full assault in frustration that I could see him hesitating. He was trying to goad and unsettle me, in that manner both he and Eric had of taunting me. Some of the taunts were vocal while the majority of them were looks or moves designed to do what he was doing right now. I knew he was trying to get me to lose focus and become angry.

I am not sure how long we were going at it for but I could tell the crowd around us was growing. I could hear cheering or yells for one or both of us as the intensity of our fighting picked up. It became clear to me that unless I used some of the moves we had been working so hard on the past week I wasn't going to get a tap or knock out.

My mind raced furiously for what I could do and I watched Chase closely. The signs were small but there and I tried not to let too much of the excitement and hope show on my face. Chase was tiring, losing steam.

Would I be able to keep up the dance long enough for that to increase?

My doubt caused me to get in too close and the blows he landed had me gasping and regrouping. I couldn't win in a full out assault on him. His skill and size wouldn't let me. I would have to catch him with a move to throw him off balance but that wouldn't happen until I could take some of that steam out of his sails. I needed to drag this out for as long as possible, get his energy down and hope to hell I had enough to take him down.

I firmed up my resolve, plan and then willed myself to last. It helped that I glanced out of the side of my eyes and saw Lauren hovering near the edge of the crowd with a sour look on her face. My eyes snap back to Chase as he advances, and the dance begins again.

' _To hell with circumstances, I create opportunities.'_

* * *

 ** _Third Person_**

Four was not a happy man. Not that he was ever really an overly genial man, but over the last few weeks he had been happy more often than not. Tris was finally in Dauntless and despite all the things that were going wrong he had her by his side at least. How quickly that had changed, almost overnight, close to a week ago it had all crashed down.

It was his fault and that just made him feel even more miserable. His misery, that he had been content to stay at home and wallow in, was made worse when he had ventured out to visit his mother.

 _Jesus had that been a mistake._

His mother had let loose on him. She never yelled but her cold and calm tone had been even more effective than shouting words could ever be. It shouldn't surprise him that Kat would have gone to see Evelyn and Amar once she was free to leave the compound. Especially after everything about Marcus came to light he knew she would want to ease his mother's mind and check on how she was doing with everything. Four hadn't expected Kat to take her sister, but once again, he should have. He knew Kat was done with him keeping things from Tris. He also knew that his mother was just as over being kept from the woman that he claimed to love.

He had hurt all three of them so badly and was feeling like the biggest piece of shit. His mother forgave him after she vented her own hurt but she made it clear he needed to make things right with the sisters before they could all move on. Once he admitted his mistakes, his part in how everything had fallen apart, Evelyn had given him advice and perspective.

 _His mother was speaking softly as she gazed into the fire. There was an intensity that was flickering in her dark blue eyes; pain and memory. A look he knew well from when she was thinking of her past and Marcus._

" _You once asked me why I stayed with Marcus or how I could have fallen in love with him to begin with. I wasn't ready to tell you because I couldn't bring myself to think of the past when I was trying so hard to focus on the future and being here for you now." She sighed and looked at him with a sad smile. "I am sorry that I have been unable to speak on things until now."_

" _It's okay." He said simply but had a chill of foreboding. He knew she was going to say something he wasn't ready to hear. She reached out hesitantly, laying her hand gently on top of his. It trembled on top of his while his stilled under hers. It was the first contact the two have had since he found her again._

" _I must admit my own mistakes, my failures if we are to move forward. I am hoping that you can take this to heart and see that," She stops and presses her hand down a little more firmly on his "To move forward sometimes we have to look back. We have to admit those failures and let them strengthen us, not hold us back. We have both been letting our pasts hold us back, Tobias. It not only hurts ourselves, but we are hurting the ones we love and not meaning to."_

 _Tobias swallowed and nodded but didn't speak. Evelyn nodded and took a breath as she began to speak. Her hand still covering his but she looked back into the fire. She talked of meeting Marcus and falling in love with the charismatic man with drive and ambition. How this had drawn her to him, being from Erudite, and how he had started things by appealing to her intelligence; complimenting her and that. She had dreams of being by his side in helping to make the faction and city great. His manipulations and controlling were gradual but insidious. Starting out always on the premise that he only wanted what is best for his family. When he didn't get his way or she questioned him, that was when the violence began. By the time she realized who and what he truly was, it was too late. Evelyn knew what being factionless was like and she couldn't subject her son to that life but she refused to leave him behind either just to save herself. Then that had choice had been taken from her altogether._

" _Are you saying I am becoming like him?" He asked with a soft voice full of hurt and his own fear._

 _Her eyes snapped to his but then softened when she saw his expression. "No. I am saying that you are so afraid that you will become like him that you let it dictate how you are now, but you also let it dictate how you think others should be. You wanted to protect Tris from yourself and the parts you think are like him, so you kept her in the dark. You wanted to protect her from being hurt but in doing so you make decisions on what she should or shouldn't know. You think you are trying to guide her but what you are doing is telling her what she should or shouldn't do. You thought Dauntless was going to be too dangerous for her so were set on keeping her from the faction you knew deep down she belonged to, thinking that Abnegation would be better. She might be miserable but at least she would be safe, right?" She smiled at him when he scowled but didn't object. "You forget what drew you to her in the first place. Do you remember what you told me the day you came to visit? How you described her to me? You were in awe of how fearless she seemed to be and her strength of character. So, what changed for you that you went from trying to push that to make her stronger, to now keeping her away from anything and everything you think would be too dangerous for her or just something you think she shouldn't be involved in?"_

" _I….I love her." He said with a frown and didn't understand how she wasn't understanding that._

 _She nods knowingly. "So, you know what's best for her?"_

 _He let out a shaky breath and buried his face in his hands. "I just don't want anything to happen to her. I can't let anything happen to her."_

 _He felt her hand on his arm and then she squeezed. He looked up at her and into her eyes as she continued._

" _You can't protect her from life. Life itself is unpredictable and dangerous. Hiding away and never risking anything is not really living. But you can be by her side so that you have the best possible chance to protect each other in the hard times. It is okay to disagree and have a difference of opinion because you can learn from each other and compromise." She took a breath and got a stern expression. "I will tell you this; you cannot just love the parts of a person that you find good or to your liking. It doesn't work that way. I have heard about your argument that she was becoming too Dauntless."_

 _He looked away and frowned, ashamed at what he had said in the heat of the moment but his mother pressed on. "Kat and Tris_ are Dauntless, _Tobias_. _You need to either accept her as she is and love her flaws and all, or let her go. You also need to decide if you can trust her. Not just with your feelings and things going on with you but trust her to be able to make her own decisions. If you can't do that, then you need to let her go and move on. It will only make you both miserable to try and force things."_

That had been all she had to say on that subject but it had been enough that it had him holed up in his apartment when he wasn't in control working the night shift, lost in thought. He tried not to look too much for Tris and Kat on the monitors. He tried to lose himself in the work of repairing systems that needed it, or cameras that seemed to always be malfunctioning. If he wasn't working then he was working out in one of the small and barely used training rooms hidden close to the bowels of Dauntless.

There were times when he would break down and search the cameras until he could get a look at her, just to make sure she was okay. Every time he was able to find her was like a knife to his heart. Her smile and being among friends, looking so alive and happy, filled him with relief but also pain.

 _How could she look so happy while he was so miserable?_

The longer he stuck to the shadows and kept to himself, the more it felt like she was slipping away from him. Instead of this spurring him into action, he sunk into depression.

On this day he was in the control room early. Changing his normal routine and having grabbed some food from the commissary, then he planned to pull a double at work. He stationed himself at one of the monitors removed from all the others. His back was to the room and the few people that were working the same shift as him so he didn't see the person sneaking up on him until he felt the slap to the back of his head.

He cursed as it rocked him forward in his chair and whipped around to glare at the person to find Zeke standing there behind him with a scowl on his face and his hands on his hips.

"You look like shit, Four."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." He snapped and turned back to the monitors. He was well aware how he looked. Dark circles under his eyes, nails mangled from chewing them, hands a bloody mess from the constant abuse against punching bags, scraggly growth of a beard forming on his face. He has been living on coffee and cereal at his apartment because he didn't want to chance going to the dining hall and running into Tris, Kat…. or just anyone really. Which is why he had ventured out earlier than normal after exhausting all the cereal and coffee in his apartment.

 _At least I'm still showering._

He frowned and his hands paused over the keyboard because he didn't remember taking one that day. Zeke slid into the seat beside him and Four tried not to be obvious in sniffing himself. The tang of sweat and grime was obvious but it wasn't _too_ bad.

 _Okay, so maybe my last shower was a day or two ago._

"What's going on with you, Four?" Zeke asks him lowly enough that he can hear him clearly but no one at the back of the room could.

Four shrugs and focuses on the screen. "Just working and letting Tris decide when she wants to be done being mad." He replies but even he can hear how weak the excuse is in it. He knows by his friends snort that Zeke isn't falling for it either.

"Look, I have been trying to stay out of all this mess with you and Kat; now you and Tris. I haven't wanted to choose sides but try and be there for all of you. It is bad enough I see you hurting over it man, but those two girls are going through hell. I can't watch it anymore and to be honest neither can Shauna. My girl is spitting mad and about to take you _and_ Coulter on; no fucks given. I can't say I blame her, in fact I would be right there beside her. Her sister already called dibs though, so I am just saying, you know how those two can get when they get really pissed."

Four looks over to him and sees not one glint of joking in his eyes. A shiver of real fear runs down his spine at the thought of either Shauna or Lynn coming after him with real intent. The Shauna from his initiation year was completely different than the woman now. Over eight years of working in the clinic had taught his friend a thing or two and he had heard and seen her methods to subdue some of the belligerent drunks that got brought in. Not to mention she had more years of one on one training by Zeke after an incident in the clinic had left her hurt. Lynn had been scary even when he had just been made a member and met the girl that is four years younger than him. He was pretty sure that has only gotten worse over the years.

Four realizes he has been quiet for a while when Zeke rolls his eyes and leans forward. "I'm going to show you something. Something I will tell you now I agreed with and helped to arrange because not only did I know those two could handle it, but that the faction needed to see as well."

He doesn't wait for Four to say anything but instead he reaches in to take over the computer from him then calls up a file, types in a code to access it and puts it on the big screen as well as the monitor in front of them. Four looks at him in question but Zeke just shrugs and grins.

"It isn't exactly a secret and most everyone in here has already seen it."

What was it exactly? It was the Dauntless-born training room and a recording marked for that morning at 0913. It is a few screens showing the room and the action from a few angles. It starts with what looks like a normal training session for the girls; Kat, Tris and Lynn. One that Four has logged in to a few times over the past week just to check on them. They are usually alone or a few of their other friends are there but the one from this morning seems to be crowded with people. Chase, Raze, Zeke and Lauren are there and seem to be in discussion. There is no sound to it but the end result looks to be a pairing off between the trainers Chase and Lauren with Kat and Tris.

Four shoots a look to Zeke and is about to launch into an angry rant but Zeke's face is hard as he shakes his head and points to the screen. For the next hour, Four watches as Kat goes against Chase in a full-fledged fight. It is by far the longest he has ever witnessed, especially considering one of the fighters is a recent graduate.

Four is grinding his teeth hard and the little bit of nail he has left is digging into the flesh of his hand while he watches the intense fight between the towering Dauntless man and his childhood best friend. At first, he is worried and pissed as hell. Mentally yelling at everyone there that is allowing this to happen. He is cursing every single person that is cheering wildly.

In the beginning when he was watching the crowd all he saw was everything he hates in Dauntless. How cutthroat and blood thirsty everyone is. Then he is really watching the fight; watching Kat and Chase as they are fighting but more specifically how they are fighting. During this the cheering from the crowd increases when one or both of them perform a move that shows a lot of skill. It also increases when it looks like Kat has gotten an upper-hand against the larger Dauntless man. To his skilled eye he can see that the fight is being well thought out by each person. He doesn't see a way that Kat can take him down and it looks like the fight is one that is going until someone is subdued and taps out rather than the bloodbath he expected.

Zeke confirms this when Four starts to actually discuss the fight with him rather than just cursing and throwing accusations his way for allowing it to happen. To his friend's amusement and pleasure that he didn't even bother trying to hide, Four started to actually enjoy watching the fight and how his childhood friend was holding her own. It was like watching every promise she had made about what she was going to do, what she wanted to do, come true. All those promises they had made to themselves and to each other, whispered in their secret hiding place away from the eyes of their faction and his father. He was watching them come to life right in front of him but had been in denial about it because of his own prejudice and anger.

"Who wins?" He asks quietly as his eyes are glued to the screen because he honestly cannot guess at this point. Chase looks to be tiring out but Kat isn't that much better.

He looks over to his friend who smiles and shakes his head. "Keep watching."

They keep going for a few more minutes but after a move by Chase that took Kat to the mat, she seemed barely able to roll out of the way and then pull herself back up. She looked slow and she was favoring one side. Four knew Chase saw it too and he advanced on her fast. Throwing the last bit of energy he had for the take down move. It looked like Kat was too hurt and dazed to notice until she shifts away just enough that Chase misses her. It was fast how she moved there at the end but she also locked onto him and used his own momentum to swing herself around Chase's body to get behind him.

Four lets out an amused huff of disbelief when he watches her practically climb him from the back then twisted her body so that her limbs were putting him in a sleeper hold that he was not able to break out of. She was using her whole body to wrap around him and take him down, almost like a boa constrictor. Chase went to his knees, still trying to get her off. Then he went to his hands and knees, but still Kat was locked on. Four could see her mouth moving and he could just imagine her telling him to tap out. A look of frustration crossed Kat's face and she was breathing hard as she strained to subdue the large man.

"She was just as tired as Chase was at this point and we weren't sure if she was going to be able to keep the hold on him to get him out." Zeke said in explanation of what they were both seeing.

It didn't take much longer. They both fought the ending. Kat fighting to keep her grip on him and Chase fighting to not pass out. There was cheering and Lynn was on her hands and knees slapping the ring floor. Tris was screaming something to her sister, her body looking like she was ready to jump in there and fight alongside Kat. Four guessed they was encouraging Kat to keep going. Others around them had to be doing the same thing for Chase as well.

He saw that it started to cause Kat pain to keep her body contorted the way it was and just as Chase started to go under she opened her mouth and let out a scream then released her hold. Chase and Kat collapsed to the ground. They lay there both trying to recover, with Kat still on Chase but now it just looked like she was draped over him, barely breathing.

"Raze called it a draw." Zeke said with a chuckle. "Chase tried to object that he was already under before she released the hold. Kat argued that he was full of shit and he hadn't fully gone down and tapped hadn't tapped so he won. It took us watching and re-watching this from all the angles to come up with the determination but honestly I think she had him down."

Four nods in agreement then shakes his head, laughing along with his friend at the way Kat took Chase down but also his description of the two of them arguing for the other being the winner. The next fight has to be fast-forwarded to get past the debating and general chaos the training room descended into after Raze called the fight.

Zeke stopped the recording at Tris, Lynn and Kat all over to the side of the mat where they were talking. Four watched as Lauren sauntered into the middle of the ring and stood there with a sour look on her face and tapping her foot in impatience. He didn't need to hear the words she called out to know they were rude or insulting.

He could read her intent on the trainer's face but also the reaction from the girls. It started with Lynn who just shook her head at the stupidity then went to Kat and Tris who looked at each other and the most wicked looking smiles crossed both of their faces. He couldn't stop the shiver that caused him and the smile wasn't even directed at him.

"Yeah, imagine being in the room and seeing that shit." Zeke said beside him and did a whole-body shudder.

Tris gave a firm nod to her sister and friend then calmly walked to the center of the ring and joined Lauren. He knew from her posture something was different with her. Then when Lauren took up her defensive stance, Tris instead bent forward slightly in a small bow then straightened up.

Raze lifted his arm and gave both the verbal and nonverbal signal to start.

Lauren went full out right from the start and Tris was moving defensively. It was the way that she was moving away that had Four absolutely riveted to the screen. It looked effortless and almost lazy, making Lauren's attempts to land a blow look clumsy and slow. This effect was increased by the fact that Tris seemed to have her hands lightly clasped behind her back. It wasn't quite the Abnegation manner of doing it, not as stiff or submissive. She was taunting Lauren without ever saying a word.

This caused Lauren to start losing her shit rather quickly. The trainer started to get more aggressive but was also sloppy. Tris had still yet to actually strike out at her but there was a moment when Lauren had stumbled back from her latest blocked punch that Tris had sent her spinning away from her. She left herself wide open and Tris struck faster than his eyes could track.

She was a whirling, spinning blur. He couldn't even begin to describe the move except for it was like something he had seen when he was still in school and had stayed behind to watch some gymnastics while avoiding going home.

It took Zeke and him both slowing the recording down to a crawl so that he could analyze it. The result had been Lauren knocked out hard. One second she was trying to stand up straight and regroup for another attack. The next, she was going down in a crumpled heap to the ground after first Tris' foot connected with her face then followed it with her elbow after she righted herself from the spin kick she had gone into. The first hit would have been enough but Tris was already in the process of following through and wouldn't have been able to stop it anyways.

Four sat processing this for a moment before he spoke to Zeke, who was waiting quietly. He was feeling many things but there was one that was far greater than the others, he just had to sort through the other crap to realize it.

First, seeing how lethal Tris moved and handled Lauren had his stomach turning. His initial reaction was disappointment but that stopped when he sat considering why he felt that way. It was all his own issues with himself that were and have been coloring how he thinks others should behave. Especially those he holds so close to his heart.

Knowing that, he also could admit that Tris could have done much worse to Lauren but she didn't. Even when she finally got a hit she could have continued on. She didn't. She stepped back, still ready should Lauren be able to get up, but she gave the older girl the time to get up. Everything she had done in the fight had been done for a reason and Four knew it wasn't done with any real malice. Irritation and dislike for Lauren, yes, but not the kind of hate he associated any acts of violence with thanks to his father.

"Do you see it?" Zeke asked him finally after he leaned forward and closed out the file with the fight, making the screens go back to normal.

Four looked to him and sighed with a nod. "That I'm a complete and utter idiot. Yeah, I see it."

"Then, maybe you need to tell her that. Soon." Zeke said with a command ringing in his voice. He rose, clapped Four on the shoulder then left the room.

He stared at the screen of him for a few more minutes, gathering the courage and making a plan. He casually, as casually as he could, called up the places he knew they would likely be at and couldn't find them at any of those. The only other place he could think of would be the apartment Kat took with Lynn. He grumbled as he made his way out of the control room, thinking that a stroll through his fear landscape sounded better than to have to walk into that lion's den.

Maybe he would get lucky and would have something else to distract them so he could get Tris alone first. He snorts when something comes to his mind but in Amar's voice.

' _You sure do get lots of exercise by pushing that luck, son.'_

Guess he was about to find out just how far he could push it.


	80. Start Again

**A/N: Running a day late in posting anything, but life happened. Better late than never. So, settle in for a long one loves. I couldn't bring myself to break this up. I just wanted to get it all resolved so we could move forward on the next chapter. Also just want to give a shout out to Damn You Kylie who I was inspired and got permission to use the idea of taking things from the city, refurbishing, and selling in a shop. That comes from her story The Wright Choice which is amazing. If you haven't checked out her stories, do so. They are some amazing Fourtris fics.**

 **Disclaimer: This is still Roth's cheeseball. I only own the garnish I added on the side.**

* * *

 **Chapter 80 - Start Again**

 _Kat_

"So, are we just wanting to stay in for dinner?" Lynn asked from the kitchen where she was pouring some kind of drink she concocted for us in celebration of putting Lauren in her place.

It is nearing dinner time and we are all feeling the day and events of it. The apartment had been invaded directly after our fights in the training room. Everyone wanted to talk about it and celebrate. Tris and I had been still feeling the adrenaline from the fights but also were content to allow our friends to demand we take the celebrations to our apartment. Things had been crazy right after the fights and we had started to get people swarming us. We were happy to escape to the apartment. When the adrenaline started to fade Lynn had taken over ejection duty and sent everyone on their way, so we could get cleaned up and relax in peace.

Before she left with Zeke, Shauna had dragged me into the bathroom. She wanted to check me out to make sure I hadn't made my recent knife wound any worse but also checked for other injuries. I have some deep bruising but am otherwise fine. While here, she also gave me the injections I now have to give myself once a day to help with the nerve misfiring's and pain I am still having. Then I gratefully took my own shower before dressing for a night in.

Tris has just finished taking her turn in the shower and walking out of our room dressed in some of the new clothes we had gone and gotten for her this week. She shrugs and comes to sit beside me on the couch, pulling her feet under her and grabbing one of the big fluffy pillows that have made their way into our decorations care of Marlene.

"I don't feel up to being mobbed again." She said with a laugh and then took one of the cups Lynn brought out for us.

I took a sip and smiled at my sister. She is still embarrassed that after she knocked Lauren on her ass, she was carried out of the training room by the over-eager to celebrate Dauntless that had witnessed it. Only Raze and Chase stepping in to rescue her, and me to a lesser degree, saw us being able to leave without having to accept the celebratory drinks the crowd were insisting on.

It hadn't even been noon yet and we hadn't felt in the mood to drink but here in our apartment and now that things are calming down we didn't mind so much. Especially since Lynn seemed to like making us mild fruity drinks to try out.

The celebration with our friends had been fun. The group showed up with food and wanted to talk about the fights. Chase had still been disagreeing on who won. That ended up with Zeke solving this by disappearing then coming back with a vid screen and some other equipment then having us watching it together. We still couldn't agree, but it didn't really matter in the end. Tris and I did what we set out to do. We got to really show the faction what we are capable of and Lauren got taught a lesson.

With everyone gone and no big plans, we knew we wanted to at least call it an early night. Tomorrow we would all have to report early for our jobs. This was something Tris and I were having to brace ourselves for, because it likely meant seeing or having to deal with Four and Eric in some capacity.

"I don't really feel like cooking." I mumble, causing my sister and Lynn to laugh.

"Shocking. Kat not wanting to be in the kitchen." Lynn says sarcastically then winks at me. "I don't think we have much in the way of food here anyways. The guys ate what they brought plus some."

"I don't mind making dinner." Tris says with a shrug and waves me off when I shoot her a look. "I would prefer to eat here rather than going to the dining hall. We'll need to go get groceries anyways. So, we can just pick up something simple to make for tonight." She smiles over at me before she continues. "How about chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes?"

 _Damn her and tempting me with my favorite meal._

"Fine." I sigh dramatically as I get up, go to the kitchen and pull out the pad and paper that we keep for quick notes or lists like this. "I'll do the inventory and we can plan out the meals for what we might want to get."

Lynn leaves us to the task. It was found Lynn really is not much of a cook at all, so she is fine with whatever is made. She has a true Dauntless spirit in that regard, get it to the plate and she'll eat it.

With both Tris and I living together, we started to go back into old routines and habits. That made me instantly go back to my, ' _I'm on a strike_ ', attitude. The only thing with that is that there were times my attitude of not wanting to have to deal with the crowds was greater.

"First world problems you got going on there, Prior." Lynn had drawled at me when I was mumbling this while we were making the list.

I flipped her off without even looking at her, causing her to laugh.

"Zach said he would show us how to make that thing called lasagna. He said there was a way it wouldn't take as long as the old-fashioned way." Tris said as she requested for the ingredients he left a list of to be added.

We talk about a few more big meals but add some simple things as well. We aren't sure what our schedule is really going to look like until we get started. Things tend to change fast around here and it is good to be adapt along with them.

Once we have a list that we all agree on, we get ready to go. Tris and I changed from the lounge clothes we were wearing while Lynn stayed in her sweatpants and tank top. She just pulled a hoodie over her clothes. While it was warm enough in the apartment for the thinner clothing we had been wearing, as soon as you stepped out into the compound it was cold and damp feeling. Warmer clothes were required.

I changed in the room while Tris got changed in the bathroom so when we walked out into the living room area Lynn was waiting for us. She had an odd expression on her face though. She was also tense and looking like she was listening to something going on outside of the door. I stepped forward along with Tris, but she waved us to stay back and then went to the door. She pressed her ear to it then pulled back with a scowl on her face and let out a big breath.

"Of course, they would choose today to pull themselves out of their fucking holes." She grumbles, and casts looks at us.

"What?" Tris asks from beside me, but she had to have figured it out just like I did. She grasps my hand in hers and we both watch as Lynn whips the door open instead of answering us.

"See, I told you I wasn't hearing ghosts of Christmas past." She says it in way too jovial a manner for how upset she had been just seconds ago.

My heart is thudding in my chest and I grip my sisters' hand tighter. It is slightly surreal that not only is Eric standing on the other side of my door but that Four is with him. I almost can't handle the way I feel at seeing Eric again, so my mind starts focusing on a million other things that probably don't matter.

 _Did they come together? Why do they look like they were deep in conversation? What could they have been saying to each other? Why aren't they at each other's throats? Eric looks awful, is feeling ok? Why do I care how he feels when he hasn't once bothered to see how I am feeling in the past week? Do I have a right to be mad about that when I haven't had the courage to see how he was either? Is it normal to want to slap someone just as badly as you want to kiss them?_

I vaguely hear Lynn giving the two guys some kind of smart ass invitation into the apartment. It was such a ballsy thing to do and if I was capable of rational thought, it would have me choking on laughter. I am incapable of rational thought right now though.

I am a mess as I watch them wordlessly walk in. Eric's eyes are focused on me even though nothing shows in them or on his face.

He is only two steps into the apartment and the feeling fades. The feeling of having to hold myself back so I wouldn't go throw myself in his arms. Maybe it was the fact that I see nothing on his face to reflect even a little of how I am feeling, and it puts me right back into the hallway when he said those things to me. Suddenly the hurt and sadness are blown away and all I feel when he is finally in front of me is…

Pissed. Off.

* * *

 _I take a breath to calm myself as the door to my room clicks closed. Just before my door closes, I hear Lynn's bedroom door closing._

 _Lynn, the sneaky bitch, had grabbed the list we were set on going out to shop for and then said she and our friends would go get the stuff together. This left us alone with the guys. But just before she left she suggested we would have even more privacy by going to the bedrooms. She was out of the door before I could disagree or say anything._

 _Tris was already walking in stunned silence towards Lynn's room leaving me to stiffy walk into ours._

 _I turn to face Eric once I have gone to the far side of the room and the side of the bed. I lean against the wall and my arms crossed over my chest, resisting the urge to wrap them around myself instead. I stay silent and he stays closer to the door, his face still without expression. The longer the silence stretches out the more my anger builds._

 _He looks around the room, his gaze moving over everything slowly. I still can't read what he is feeling or what he wants, but I don't know if I want to find out. His eyes finally get to the wall and it seems like he stands reading the quote painted on it ten times before they finally move over to me._

 _He clears his throat and looks down at the floor with his forehead scrunched up. It's the first sign of anything other than the blankness._

 _"_ _The apartment is nice." He looks up and gestures to the wall. "It's a fitting quote for you."_

 _"_ _Thanks. Tris and I like it. We plan on going tomorrow during lunch to the housing division and seeing about switching out to twin beds but other than that we have settled in nicely. It's nice to have a place of our own finally." I give a rambling reply and bite my lower lip at the end to keep myself from going on._

 _"_ _I'm sure it is." He mumbles a little with a frown and looks away from me._

 _"_ _What does that mean?" I snap out at him._

 _"_ _It meant exactly what I said." He looked back to me and shook his head. "I wasn't trying to imply anything, Kat."_

 _He took a few steps forward until he was nearer the bed but stopped there when I tensed, watching him warily._

 _"_ _Are…." He stopped speaking for a moment. His voice was strained and hushed when he continued. "Are you afraid of me right now?"_

 _I study him and see more than just the wall of stone for the first time. I look at him, really and truly look at him, and see that he looks like he has been sick or something. There is exhaustion and pain in his eyes. I see the suffering he must have been under while I sat wondering if he felt even a little bit of what I was feeling._

 _A little of the anger fades and I take my time to answer._

 _"_ _Before, I was never afraid of you. There were plenty of things I was afraid of that involved you. I was afraid for you, of you getting hurt by something I did or brought on you. Afraid of you getting hurt in general, really. I have been afraid to disappoint you. Afraid to anger you. Finally, afraid to lose you." I stop and take a trembling breath. "But yes, for the first time, I am afraid of you."_

 _He takes another step forward, having to go around the bed and I realize that the corner I painted myself into was a bad strategic choice. He notices my discomfort and stops._

 _"_ _I would never fucking hurt you, Kat." He growls out, but it is hoarse and as if he is holding something in._

 _I look at him, my eyes burning with tears of hurt and anger. "But you did, Eric. So badly. You probably don't even know what hurts me the most about what happened."_

 _He steps forward and doesn't stop this time until he is just before me. My back is pressed flat against the wall and I can't get any more distance. "Tell me then. Talk to me." He pleads with me with a break in his voice._

 _I take a few breaths as all the emotions I have been struggling with and to keep at bay, surge back up._

 _"_ _You are here to apologize? Tell me you didn't mean those things you said. Right?"_

 _He nods wordlessly._

 _"_ _I want to believe you, and, in some ways, I do. I know you were lashing out at me just like I have done before. The thing that hurts the most is that now I don't know that I will ever be able to trust you again." Tears leak from my eyes and I brush them away angrily. "I did the same thing to Tris that night. I sat here for days thinking over things and I realize, I don't know if I can live like that. I don't want to hurt people and that is all I seem to be able to do now. Not only that, but you threatened me, Eric. If it was just me that I had to worry about I could live with it. But now I will always worry if I do anything wrong, anything you don't agree with; will you then hold someone I loves life over my head for it?"_

 _"_ _I'm not…" he started to ground out softly before he stopped and closed his eyes. "I'm not Marcus, even though I know that is exactly how it seemed to you. But I swear to god I would never do that to you, Kat."_

 _"_ _I just don't know," I reply in a whisper and have to crane my neck back to look up into his eyes._

 _He closes the rest of the distance and lets one hand cup the side of my face and breathes out slowly. The feel of him against my skin makes my knees go weak and I close my eyes._

 _"_ _Tell me what to do to fix this. I will do anything, angel, anything but let this be over. I won't lose you. I can give you time and space, but I won't fucking let you go."_

 _My hands go up to his chest and I want to push him away. Instead my fingers curl until he is moving closer, holding me close to him and surrounding me with his arms. I let the tears fall and he holds me until I get them under control._

 _I know I can't let it be over either, but I can't just brush all of this away. Not when I still don't even know what happened to begin with._

The pot banging against the sink followed by a curse brings me out of replaying my…

Encounter? Confrontation? Reconciliation?

Whatever it was, it is still playing through my mind even two hours after he left. I look over to see Tris vigorously washing the pot that we made part of dinner in. She has a faraway look in her eyes but looks better than she has over the last week. We haven't been able to talk about her conversation with Four yet. There hadn't been time.

Tris was sitting out on the couch when I followed Eric out of the room. She had given a tight nod to him as a goodbye but otherwise they didn't speak. He left after we said a few more things and made plans to talk again.

Once he was gone, she told me Four hadn't been gone long either. We didn't even have time to go into more after that. Lynn had come back with Shauna and Marlene in tow along with our groceries. The guys had all decided to do a guy's night at Zeke and Shauna's place, so it was a girl's night in at ours.

The rest of the night had been making the dinner I was promised and drinking the concoction Lynn made for us. We also sat around talking about the movie we watched on the vid screen that Zeke insisted be gifted to us after he had shown up with it. It turned out to be a combined gift from Zeke, Chase and Zach with the last two having come by to drop off added stuff for the movie collection. There were a good many movies there that they said they were able to copy in some way from their own collections. They promised more to come.

Now it was just Tris and I after Lynn went to make sure a really tipsy Marlene got home okay. I worked on cleaning the living room while Tris took care of the kitchen.

"How did things go with Tobias?" I ask her finally after I have thrown away the last of the trash from the day that accumulated in the apartment. The three of us are neat freaks but the same could not be said for our friends.

She sighs and dries the counters she had just wiped down.

"I think good. We both admitted things that we have handled badly. Don't give me that look," She said with a laugh when I shot her a dirty look. "I wasn't exactly nice when we had our argument, so it wasn't all him in that respect. For the rest of it, we talked about concerns I have about his need to shut everything in and handle it himself. Also concerns I have about how he handles it when I disagree about something with him. He admitted he knows that is wrong and wants to try and get better. I told him I want to try and get better about losing my temper or being stubborn and shutting down too."

I nodded in understanding. "So, are you guys back together?"

She shrugs. "I told him that we needed to take our time and that Shauna suggested to the both of us we should try real dating for a bit. He was disappointed, and I could tell he wanted to disagree with it, but in the end, I told him it's what I need. That it was more about me settling in here and us taking the time to spend together without all the pressure and secrecy we were under before." We had made our way back over to the living room and both collapsed on an end of the couch in exhaustion.

The day was really catching up to me and I was running out of steam fast. She looked at me and asked how things went for me with Eric.

"I told Eric I needed the same thing. I expected him to get upset or try to get me to go back to his apartment. He was actually really supportive." I stopped and then looked over to Tris who was looking at me with her head tilted with a look of expectation.

"He was supportive but, I feel there is a but in there somewhere." She states with a side smile.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "He did make a demand that we let him send a few guys he trusts to upgrade our door. He called it a flimsy piece of shit that anyone could breakthrough by farting in its general direction. He also offered to contact housing about getting us the beds and a table."

Tris was laughing and shook her head. "From what you have told me about him, his offer was still probably a demand."

I chuckle and lean my head back. "Pretty much, but I think this time if I had said that it was something I wanted or needed to do on my own, he wouldn't have objected. I just told him I would talk to you guys about it."

I had also told him he couldn't buy his way back into my life in a fit of temper when he made the demand. He had been calm in the face of it and explained that he wouldn't compromise my safety no matter if we were together or not. The door being replaced, and other safety precautions were non-negotiable.

As far as the furniture items, he said the people in housing didn't have very much common sense and tended to say they didn't have the items because they didn't want to bother with looking for them. That ended up with people going without or trying to spend their own points to get the items Dauntless would normally be able to provide.

I am sure there is truth in that, but I still wanted to talk to Lynn and Tris about it. I didn't want either of them to feel like they had to let Eric pressure them into anything for my sake.

"I don't mind if he helps with the big furniture stuff." She pauses and tilts her head, studying me and a smile starts to grow on her face. "You know, it's kind of funny, but Tobias said something about the door too. He also mentioned the windows and how there are fire escapes outside of them. He saw them as security risks, but I was saying I liked how I could go outside and sit on ours."

I laugh and shrug. "That isn't really a surprise to me. I think those two are actually a lot alike when you get down to it. They're just set in their own ways and opinions of each other." I pause and frown remembering that they had been at the door together. "Did Tobias tell you why they came together or what they had been talking about?"

She shook her head tiredly, wearing a frown as well. "No, then again I didn't really think to ask about that. But from what I could get from his ramblings, I think he had been keeping to his own apartment or working late nights in control. He definitely looked bad." She wrinkles her nose a little and leans towards me. "I didn't say anything when he hugged me, but he smelled awful."

I tried not to laugh but failed. She joined me in the laughter but then gave a weary sigh that turned into a yawn.

"Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I was already so nervous about my first day but now I agreed to possibly have dinner with him depending on how I feel after the day I am even more anxious. I think he was wanting to have it in his apartment, but I don't know if I want to do that?" Tris said and closed her eyes, rubbing them.

I tilted my head and plucked at the fringe hanging from one of the pillows Marlene brought. It was a soft material but was extremely girly and a bright lime green color. Lynn had been eyeing it distastefully and I had a feeling it was going to find another home soon. It was pretty bright, and we have been staying away from that.

"Are you afraid to be alone with him or something?"

She lets her hand drop and opens her eyes to look at me. She bites the side of her cheek and looks to be debating something. "I _am_ afraid to be alone with him but not because I think he will do something to me." She shrugs and starts to flush. "I just…."

She trails off and I nod in agreement, knowing what she was talking about. "Afraid of what you will do because you missed him and that so much."

"Yes!" She huffs out explosively. "How is it possible to be so upset with him but still want to just...to just…"

Her face is getting redder by the second and I notice I am too, but I suck it up and laugh. "Kiss the crap out of him?"

She laughs and nods. "Yes! Oh god, it shouldn't be this weird talking about this kind of thing with you."

"It shouldn't be, but then again it took me drinking lots of beer to be able to talk to Lynn about what I was feeling towards Eric."

"That was why you got drunk that night?" She asked laughing and eyes wide. "I cannot even imagine how that conversation went."

"You don't want to either. I remember the start of it and it was uncomfortable. Lynn said the more I drank the bolder I got, and it had even her blushing and not being able to answer things." I point to a book I had been reading that is now sitting on a side table. "Hence why I was gifted with the sexy time books."

I waggled my eyebrows at her causing her to choke up in laughter, holding her stomach.

"Okay, I'm done. I am going to go ahead and get ready for bed. I guess it is a good thing Mar and Shauna ended up coming over tonight. They really helped us get everything ready for tomorrow." She announced while standing up.

I nodded and shrugged. "I think I disappointed both of them when I just went with the uniform instead of regular clothes."

"Yeah, thanks for that by the way. With you taking their fun away I had to let them loose on me."

"Nah, you didn't. You were just letting your Abnegation show. Next time you should channel Lynn and glare them away."

"Noted." She said over her shoulder while she walked into the bathroom.

I followed soon after and tried not to let my own nerves get to me. Luckily, I was so exhausted from my fight earlier that I went under fast.

It was the first night in a week I didn't have to cry myself to sleep.

* * *

 _Eric_

Despite leaving Kat's apartment with some kind of hope I am still feeling unsettled as hell about the status of our relationship. That might have something to do with the week I have been having. All plans to meet for lunch or dinner have been put off for one reason or another. We have barely seen one another in fact.

The first day I tried to meet her for coffee in the dining hall, only to get there and find out Raze had come and gone, taking Kat along with him. I would say she is avoiding me purposely if I didn't know that Kat, Tris, Lynn, and Peter are all on the same schedule and doing the same training together under Raze right now.

They are all out of the compound in Candor doing the training there. That has them leaving before the sun has even come up and not getting back until just before or after the start of dinner.

As for my own workload; my almost week-long absence has me running around doing various things needed in the faction. Not to mention I still have a stack of paperwork to get done that is steady being added to. The proof of how needed I am in the faction should have me feeling good like it has in the past. It is really the only reward I have ever seen for my dedication to Dauntless and the sacrifices I have made. That _reward_ seems hollow after Kat coming in to my life and there is no way in hell I want to go back to my life being the job.

Thank fuck she has a phone now. That has been the only thing to save my sanity and keep me from doing some damage to someone in a fit of temper. It isn't the same as having her there to talk to and we don't get into anything too serious, but it is better than nothing.

The messages started out awkwardly. I wasn't sure what the in the hell to type and hated having to go through a phone to be able to have anything to do with her. I sat starting at my phone for ten minutes that first morning; sitting in my office and willing it to _give_ me something to say that wouldn't make seem like a world class idiot.

Finally, I had just bitten the bullet and sent a simple good morning. I might have also said I missed her. Then I thought that sounded too sappy and sent, ' _at breakfast'_. She had replied back just as Chase had walked into my office with some paperwork. Her reply, ' _miss you too_ ', had me grinning like the Cheshire cat. Chase had left laughing his ass off at me.

As the week went on I totally lost all reservation about sending things like that. My favorite thing had been when I called her. It was first thing in the morning the day after I had made sure the new beds were delivered to her. Her voice had been all husky and soft when she answered. It was ridiculously early, and I was still lying in bed too. I laid there imagining the sleepy smile I heard in her voice. I tried not to let the need for her in bed with me taint the call. Especially since I was also calling to ask her on a date.

Despite all the small things that hinted at us being able to move forward I still wouldn't really feel better until I had her in my arms again. So, with that in mind I had asked her for the date she had mentioned in our talk at her apartment.

Dating is something I would never have done before, but she said she needed this. I intend to give her what she needs to trust me again no matter how out of character it is for me.

I do the last button on my dress shirt and stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I give myself a once over to make sure that everything looks okay.

I went with a black button up shirt, black slacks and shiny black dress shoes. It is part of the one suit I have, but hardly ever wear except for formal functions that I can't get out of attending.

My hair is firmly in place. I had even cut out of work early to stop by and get it cut before heading back here to finish getting ready.

Even though I had already shaved this morning, I made sure to do it again. Using the straight edge razor that is out of fashion, but what I prefer. There isn't a trace of stubble or shadow on my face.

I nod once in the mirror, trying to give myself a silent pep talk.

I am so out of my element right now and it has to show. You would think I am heading to a goddamn execution and not to pick up my girl from her apartment then take her out to dinner.

I stalk out of the bathroom, grab my phone and am out of the door before I can think too much on what the night might hold. I walk with my normal bearing, although my chest might be out a bit more and my chin just a little higher. It is all just a false bravado that starts to fail when I get to the new door of Kat's apartment.

I spend a few long seconds inspecting it, or at least telling myself that is what I am doing. Snorting, I lift my hand and rap on the door firmly.

It takes a second, but I hear someone calling out they are coming before it is whipped open. Once again it is Lynn at the door and once again she has a cocky smirk on her face and smartass words coming out of her mouth.

"Hello fancy pants," She motions me in with her head. "Cinderella is still getting ready for the ball."

I walk in stiffly but stop just as I am going to pass her. "You know, once this shit gets resolved with Kat, you and I are going to have a talk about your choice of address."

She chuckles and slams the door shut while shrugging at me. "Yeah well, until then I will milk it for all it's worth. You are so whipped, Coulter." She moves away from me not even caring about the glare I am sending to her back. "Want a drink while you wait?"

"Sure, why not." I reply to her casually and with a shrug but honestly, a fucking drink sounds amazing right now.

She pours out two glasses from a pitcher and lifts her own glass without a word then heads in the direction of Kat's room, leaving me on my own. I lift the glass and sniff, trying not to show my revulsion for the sweet and fruity aroma that hits me. I can also tell there is booze in it and that is all I need right now.

I don't quite chug the drink while I walk around the apartment, taking everything in. Truthfully, this is the third time I have been in the apartment counting tonight. The second time I was here was when I oversaw the new door and security installation with Chase. I hadn't been able to really take a look around since I was too caught up in making sure the job was done properly and that no extra things found their way into the apartment. We also did a sweep to make sure there were no recording devices in here. I wouldn't put it past Jeanine and Damon to have found some way to put one in place.

The apartment is closer to both Chase and Zach though a few levels up. The unit itself isn't a leader apartment but is one for high ranking Dauntless. The bedrooms are large while the living space would be considered small compared to the living space of my one-bedroom apartment. My apartment, the one I am hoping Kat will be with me in soon if I am honest, is about the same size as theirs. I had my pick of places when I made second in command. The place before that had been a bit like this one. I traded having a second bedroom for having a larger kitchen, living room and closet that I could modify and outfit to my needs. The girl's kitchen isn't as outfitted as mine. I have a few more major appliances and more counter space. They also don't have as large of a dining room, so the table needed to be small enough to fit but big enough to be functional.

I had told Kat that the people in the housing department wouldn't be over willing to help no matter she was a leader in training. Hell, even if I request anything it takes a few times to get them off their asses for anything. I hadn't lied about that with Kat, but I also wasn't entirely truthful. I had a pretty good idea that they weren't going to have a table that would work for her apartment. I knew it would need to be brought in from somewhere else. I talked it over with Zach about what he thought would work and he used our usual contacts for getting it.

There are stores in Dauntless that sell items that are either made by a craftsman in our faction or from others. One particular store, that we found in the first few years here, is run by a husband and wife that were Dauntless-born and are a good ten years older than me. Zach knows more about Jester and Cass, but apparently, they have always been the explorers of the faction. They furnished their own place with things they had found out in the city. A friend noticed and asked if they could find them something interesting. That kept happening until they decided to make something of it. They already had a store, so they started selling their finds in it. They also took special requests for people they liked. They liked Zach and they were cool with me, but it always ended up better if Zach was the one to make the requests. I had him ask Jester and Cass for a table suitable for the area, but Zach had been the one to work out with those two what would be considered suitable.

I ran my hand over the dark wood top, noticing that they had probably cleaned it up some before handing it over. It is a high-top table with a square top in a dark wood stain. Under a layer of shellac, the years and scars on the wood added some character to it. The girls already had three stools that had been the perfect height, but the table came with four of its on in the same colored wood but with backs to it for comfort. I guess Cass added her own flair and upholstered the seat part of it in a thick and sturdy dark purple colored cloth. It worked for the space and matched the other colors they had used in the apartment.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to find that the overall appearance of the apartment wasn't overly frilly or girly. They used what seemed to be jewel tones as accents but stuck to the standard Dauntless issued furniture that was mostly dark grey and black. The walls of the living room were painted a light grey with one wall painted a dark blue color. That wall had the vid screen setup on it.

For only being in the apartment for about two weeks they look fairly settled in. I take another drink, draining the glass and fight the scowl that thought wants to paint on my face. I am just putting the glass into the kitchen when I hear voices and then the door to Kat's room opening.

I go to stand by the door, trying to look casual after a stretch and cracking my neck to the side. The collar of the dress shirt feels like it is suddenly becoming impossibly tight. My fingers itch to undo a few buttons so it doesn't feel like I am about to pass the hell out from lack of oxygen. Then I realized I wasn't actually breathing and forced myself to take a breath and calm down.

 _Chill the fuck out, Coulter. It's Kat not some jury deciding if you live or die._

But the thing is that this is just that for me. How this date goes will decide if Kat thinks I can be trusted again. If she can handle putting up with all the crap that comes along with being with me.

Tonight, she might decide I am not worth it, or worthy of her.

* * *

 _Kat_

I burst into the apartment flustered and feeling like I want to tear my hair out. The training at Candor had run over when some gasbag decided he needed to make some long-winded speech about how important he is. Said gasbag had been none other than Peter's gem of a father. It had taken everything in me to keep calm, but I did it. Peter had looked strained while trying for an emotionless mask the entire time. Luckily, the man hadn't been there all day, but it had ended my day on a sour note for me.

The train ride home was spent finishing some last-minute things on the tablet phone. I am still having issues with some of the tech I now have at my full disposal.

In school and during my volunteer time, I used some systems and computers, but they were restricted to the tasks at hand. It wasn't like Erudite would have been willing to give Abnegation more access even had it been approved.

One of the perks of having the phone is that I am able to keep in touch with my friends and they with me. While Tris, Lynn, Peter and I are all training together on the same things for the next two weeks and are also on the same schedule; our other friends are not. It has been good to be able to keep up with their days. Will had been flooding everyone with messages about his work and the progress of training at first. He started to limit to just me when he noticed that the others weren't as enthusiastic about what he was learning. I actually found it kind of fascinating, but I also know that I am going to be training some on at least the functions of the department he now works in. That makes me eager to soak in what he is willing to share in the hopes it will make my own training easier.

The girls started our own group chat and it was by this I was able to arrange for Mar and Shauna to help me shop for my date with Eric tonight. He was really formal in asking me two mornings ago when he called me before I was even out of the bed. It took a moment for me to register that he wasn't just asking me to grab dinner in the dining hall. I don't know what he has planned but Mar had squealed and said we still needed to act as if it is going to be a formal date.

What a _formal_ date is, I have no clue. I questioned her, but her answers didn't seem anything like I would be interested in. It also didn't seem likely those things would be something Eric would want to do either.

It's funny that Four asked Tris to dinner for tonight, the same night Eric asked me. I knew that is because my sister and I have been busy and barely making it back to Dauntless for dinner. Most of the time we had just gone straight to the apartment and made something there while getting prepared for the next day and then going straight to bed.

Whatever Four had planned for them didn't require Tris to get dressed up. He actually met her at the jump spot and they left immediately. I felt a spot of jealousy at the fact that she could just shove off with him in the clothes she was already wearing.

I jump into the shower and quickly clean myself up. Lynn knocks on the door once before coming in and putting one of her famous fruit cocktails on the counter for me to drink, then going back out.

I step out of the shower and wrap myself and my hair in towels before taking a big gulp of the drink. I wipe the steam from the mirror and stare at my reflection.

I can get why Mar and Shauna always get excited about their date nights. There is that feeling in me, but also a nervous energy. Mainly because I don't know what to expect.

Eric is still Eric, but this is a new dynamic between us and I am not sure what that means for how we are together.

What if….

I have gone through a million and one _'what if's'_ for over two weeks. I was tearing myself up about how to move forward until I talked to Zach over lunch one day in Candor.

I'm still amazed sometimes at how open I can be and am with him. He is truly the brother I never had, even more so than Uri is for me at times. While I don't think brothers talk to their sisters about what I can and have found myself talking to him about, I still think of him as one.

Basically, after I had talked about what I am currently feeling about Eric and what I want, he helped me sound out the answer. There are many things that have been on my mind and heart during the time we have been apart but there is one that I am having the most trouble getting past.

It all boils down to my fear that one day someone is going to do or say something to upset Eric and make him doubt me. In that doubt and anger he will use my family against me. Ultimately, my fear is he will become the next Marcus for me but much worse because of how I feel for him.

I felt like crap admitting that to Zach, but I think he already knew. He told me it would be hard thing to get over and that I would probably experience this with many other people in my life from now on. Marcus wounded me deeply, much deeper than just the scars on my skin.

I know that isn't going to go away overnight but tonight is the first step in rediscovering that trust I had just gained in Eric. Zach's advice to me is to use tonight as us starting again.

Getting ready is a rushed process. Eric said he would be here to get me at a certain time and I knew he would most likely be early. I get my makeup and hair done while still in my towel then dash to the room to get dressed.

I hear knocking as I get to my door.

I send a panicked look towards Lynn who chuckles and waves me to finish while she heads towards the door. Inside my room, my dress and everything is already laid out on my bed.

The dress I agreed on with the girls is a dark red and black plaid shirt dress that has buttons from the collar to the hem. It cinches in at the waist but also has a wide black belt. The bottom of the dress falls in semi-pleats giving it a flair. It is also higher in the front while slightly longer in the back. Because the length was a bit too high for my taste Shauna helped me pick out some black leggings to wear with it. Mar had complained but it is too damn cold to be walking around in the compound with bare legs. This also allowed me to get away with wearing my boots as well.

It doesn't take me long to get dressed and then Lynn slips into the room sipping her drink.

"He's all dressed up." She says as she watches me fuss with the belt and making sure the buttons on the dress are all in place.

I look up at her, startled and worried now. "Dressed up how?"

"You know, nice button up shirt and pressed slacks. All in black of course." She says with a shrug as she pulls her feet under her where she sits on Tris bed.

I left my hair down and used the hair dryer to quick dry it while in the bathroom but now look at it in the mirror over the dresser while I run my fingers through it contemplating if it looks okay. Then I start worrying over my outfit choice with this new information.

"So, do you think this will be okay then?" I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as my eyes move over the outfit.

"You know I don't really care about fashion but even I have to say you look hot." She winks at me as I blush then gets serious. "More importantly, you look like yourself and not like you are trying to be someone else. Which is more than I can say for the guy standing out in our living room."

I frown and start to put my phone and lipstick in a small black clutch purse. "What do you mean?"

"I get the feeling Eric is going to try _too_ hard to make things right with you two. It reminds me of something Zeke did." She takes a drink before explaining while I sit on my bed and pull on my boots.

"This was before they were even a couple but just dancing around things. Zeke was being pretty oblivious to how Shauna really felt and was dating around. Shauna didn't want to just come out and tell him how she felt because she was afraid she would get hurt. She was also being completely stubborn and thought he should just know what she wanted. So, she began dating too but Zeke didn't like that at all. They got into an argument and she wouldn't speak to him for a few days. He finally came to his senses. He stopped messing around and not just with other girls but just in general. He requested and got his own place instead of staying with his mom. He also took a supervisor position in Control instead of just being a worker, so he could avoid responsibility. Everyone but Shauna knew what was driving him to make all those changes. When he felt he had himself straight, he then asked her out. That was all great, but he started treating _them_ like he didn't even know her and what she would like. She was still the same person and so was he, he just tried too hard to give her what he thought she wanted. It took her telling him that she didn't need or want to be treated like some pampered princess, she just needed to know she wasn't being taken for granted."

"You think Eric is going to do something like that?" I ask softly and shift uneasily, feeling guilty that he would think he needed to go to those lengths for us. For me.

"Yeah, I do."

I nod with a sigh, then follow her out of the room. As soon as I see him standing there by the door, my heart speeds up. He looks really handsome. The dress shirt is tight across his chest in all the right places. The pants aren't as tight, but he definitely wears them well too. The ache of missing and needing him intimately never went away through all of that hurt and anger. Now with him right in front of me, looking like that, and knowing that I have him all to myself for the night, I am feeling it in full force. This was exactly why I knew I couldn't have dinner at his apartment. As much as I might need that contact with him I also had something holding me back.

It almost has me giving him some kind of excuse and heading back to my bedroom, but I don't.

I can't.

Not when his mouth drops open when he sees me walking towards him. Not when I see him letting out a breath, in relief or pleasure, maybe even both. Not when I see him swallow and step forward looking unsure and lost.

I can tell right away what Lynn is talking about. He looks too stiff and too formal in the way the buttons are all done up on the shirt. The sleeves are long and buttoned into place there at the cuff. Her words are ringing in my ears and I look around to let her know I understood what she was also trying to tell me. She isn't in the living room and the door to her room is closed. I was so absorbed in Eric and my thoughts I hadn't even noticed her slipping away.

I looked back to Eric, who has a worried expression, and smiled at him. "You look good, Eric."

While it is true, something is making me want to reach up and unbutton the buttons on his shirt that seem like they are uncomfortable and out of place on him. I want to take each of his arms and roll those stiff black sleeves up until his tattoos are visible again.

I am close enough now that I can smell the mint on his breath when he gives a huffed expelling of a breath and looks me over slowly. "Good doesn't quite cover how you look, Kat. Beautiful doesn't even cover it really."

I blush with a smile and he reaches out to take my hand in his, squeezing slightly.

"Thank you." I reply softly. "I'm ready whenever you are."

He tenses a little but his grip on my hand tightens even as he nods before he turns and opens the door. He lets go of my hand briefly to allow me to go out of the door ahead of him. As soon as the door is shut behind him he takes it back in his.

We make our way through the hallways like that. Talking quietly about our day. Things we usually did by message now. It felt good to talk to him in person and more in depth about them. I told him about Candor and Peter's father seeking us out and trying to puff up his importance.

"He better enjoy that while he has it." Eric muttered darkly as we got to the pit.

I frowned and looked over at him. "What does that mean?"

He shrugged and looked around him, tensed and eyes darting around him. His jaw was tightened whenever he caught someone looking at us for too long. "A man like him is bound to be put in his place sooner or later."

He didn't elaborate more but I nodded in agreement and moved on. He had to let go of my hands as we went up a narrow set of stairs to get to the level that he had picked out for us.

"What is this place again?" I asked and concentrated on getting up the stairs. I am feeling very thankful I didn't even contemplate wearing the heels Mar had brought over and left in hopes I would go with them and not my boots.

"Champs is what would have been called a bar and grill before the war. It's about as fancy as Dauntless gets and has drinks but also some decent food too. A better variety than the dining hall at least. They sometimes have live music." He explains from close behind me. I can feel one of his large hands hovering at the small of my back like he is worried I am going to pitch backwards at any minute.

"Have you been there before?"

"Once when I first got here. They had something called karaoke going on and it kind of turned me off the place."

I laughed with a big smile. I knew what karaoke is after Lynn told me about Uri loving to go to a few places around Dauntless and join in on it. She had about the same reaction as I imagined Eric had.

"Lynn told me about that stuff. Uri apparently loves to go. She said that it should be made a punishable offence for some people to be allowed to sing."

We had gotten to the top of the stairs finally and he was immediately by my side again. He leaned in close to my ear while wrapping an arm around my waist. "Believe me, if I could arrange for that, I would."

His closeness and the brush of his words against my ear make me shiver but I smile and nod. He doesn't drop the arm from my waist and I look up at him. He is looking forward but when he feels my eyes on him he looks at me.

"Is this okay?" He asks with a wrinkled brow and stops walking forward for a second.

I nod quickly. "Yeah, I just…. it's kind of…" I trail off not know what to say exactly without upsetting him or making this awkward.

He tilts his head for a second and then nods. "It will take some getting used to for you...and me too, truthfully. I am willing if you are."

I smile at him and give a small nod. "Yeah. I am too."

He gives a half smile but looks around. Every part of the pit is starting to fill out and I can see that the place Eric is taking us to is no exception. My stomach rumbles in nervousness at the eyes on us.

"Let's get some food in you." Eric says, mistaking the sound that he apparently heard. He doesn't wait for a response from me before he guides us through the crowd and into Champs.

I can hear whispers from women around the area and eyes burning into my back when we pass. I swallow my nerves, shove down my fear and raise my chin as Eric pulls me even closer.

As soon as we enter the doors, a wave of music being sung completely off tune assaults me. I try not to cringe and glance at Eric who looks like he might throw up before he grits his teeth and mutters a curse.

"Well fuck."

* * *

I was able to get away from the table, excusing myself to the bathroom. Eric wasn't happy about it, but he hasn't been happy from the moment we walked in the door. The thing is, I don't blame him one bit.

It is going horrible and it isn't his fault. At first, it was just the fact that there is obviously a karaoke event going on. I had leaned up to his ear and told him we didn't have to stay but he had just given me a terse shake of his head and led the way to a table that was being set aside for us.

The waitress was nice enough. She had only given him sultry looks once or twice but backed off when he had just pulled me even closer to him in the booth seat and given her an icy glare. After that she had been nothing but professional to him and friendly to me. It was even a false friendliness. Which made me feel better about the chances my food, when we got around to ordering, would come to me unscathed. Eric's, I am not so sure about and I think he isn't either. It hasn't been like we have gotten a chance to find out, because as soon as we settled in the unexpected started to happen.

We started to get visitors to the table.

It started with Uri and Mar, looking surprised but pleased to see us. They had only stayed a little while. Uri greeted Eric in true Uriah fashion, trying to joke and rile him up at the same time. Mar had been pleased with how I looked, gushing even. Then when Eric had uncharacteristically complimented her and me all at once, she had been beaming. Mar picked up on my eyes signals that they should leave and dragged Uri off but it seemed to open up some kind of floodgate.

People were dropping by the table left and right and it was driving me insane. It was making Eric uncomfortable and livid but also sending the entire night downhill. I needed help and advice. Fast.

When I am locked behind a stall, I whip out my phone and message Lynn, hoping she will respond fast.

 _Need advice! Date is going horrible! - Kat_

 _Okay. Going to need you to use your words and give me details, Prior. - Kat_

 _We are at Champs and there is Karaoke. - Kat_

I hit enter and start the next line of my message, following the pattern I noticed that Mar and Shauna have of breaking texts down, so they aren't in complete paragraphs. Sometimes not even real sentences or even words. I still don't get the symbols and smiles they can use to communicate in without using any actual words.

I guess I take too long and Lynn has no patience for this manner of messaging either because she gives me a snarky comeback.

 _Well, it looks like the only option for you is to drink the drug laced Kool aid. - Lynn_

I snort and shake my head but continue on. Making sure to put everything in this time.

 _The singing is bad but that isn't what is making this night tank and fast. Uri and Mar came over to say hi and it is like it was permission for everyone that wanted to chat to do so. What is even worse is that they are ignoring Eric and talking to me. It doesn't help it is mostly guys. They aren't flirting. I don't think they are, but it still isn't pleasant. I just wanted the two of us to hang out, but I didn't want to be alone to do that. Gah! I don't even make sense. So, go. Help me even though I have no clue if that is even possible at this point. - Kat_

It takes several minutes, and I shift on the toilet seat uncomfortably. Thankfully, there are actual toilet seat covers so I am not poised over a tank of skank while I try to sort stuff out here.

 _It completely makes sense that you don't want to go to his apartment and coming here wouldn't be ideal either. That place was never going to be a good idea for either of you. Although, I have to admit I would pay major points to be a fly on the wall seeing this all unfolding. How many glasses have shattered under the sheer bridled rage Eric has at the moment? Okay, so, think of something you have done and liked with Eric before that also had you out in the public eye, so to speak. I am sure he won't mind you hauling his ass out of there. Then just do it. - Lynn_

I sit thinking about that for a second. An idea already popped into my head about what we could do. I am just wondering how he is going to react about me asking to leave the place he had picked for our date.

Would he be relieved and happy, or would he take it as an insult? The only way I am going to find out is to take Lynn's advice and just do it.

I put my phone back in my little purse and exit the stall, making a stop to wash my hands before I head back. I am barely out of the door before I run into a solid chest and know by the sensations it sends through me that it is Eric.

I look up with a frown. "Eric? Everything okay?"

His grip tightens on me for a second, but his mask is firmly in place. He nods and lets his hands drop. "You've been gone a long time. I wondered if you had decided to leave."

I let out a breath and brace myself. "I wouldn't just take off on you." I say and put my hand on his forearm. He is completely tensed and watching me closely. "I do think we should leave though."

His chin juts out when he gives a brief nod. His brow wrinkles for moment before he takes my hand and leads the way out. He walks slightly in front of me, so I can't see his face, but I can see the way his shoulders have fallen slightly. He keeps the in front of me formation even on the stairs. He glances back over his shoulder from time to time, making sure to keep close but a pace I can keep up with as well. When we get to the level I am thinking about I step to the opposite side while tugging on his hand.

He frowns at me but doesn't stop me as I am the one to lead him this time. "I thought you wanted to go home."

I look over at him and shake my head. "No, I just wanted to get the hell out of that place. It is about as horrible as I imagined it. We are never doing that again."

He doesn't say anything, just tugs up lip between his teeth and looks confused for a second until we get to the first stop I have planned.

We enter the place and work our way up to the counter and I look at him. "I was thinking an extra-large because I am starving. What toppings should we get?"

It takes him a moment. His lips are twitching, and his eyes are gleaming with pleasure. I know he is fighting a pleased smile off. He pulls me close to his side and I feel that angry tension he had before has relaxed some.

"The usual?" He asks with a shrug. I smile and nod before turning back to the counter person and place our order.

"One extra-large cheeseburger pizza with extra cheese and bacon. Also, can we get some beers and all of that is to go?"

The girl behind the counter takes the order while trying not to look too out of sorts at Eric and me in front of her. She gives a squeak of agreement and nods before rushing to the kitchen and putting in the order.

"To go?" Eric asks me when we move to the side and wait for our food to be called as ready.

I grin at him impishly and nod. "To go."

He smirks at me then looks off into the pit outside of the open pizza shop. "I know I fucked things up. It's okay if you want to go home, Kat."

"Eric," I say with a sigh and tug his sleeve to get him to look at me. "Unless you just want to call it a night, I am good."

He shakes his head. "I don't want that."

"Good. Now grab the pizza and I will grab the beers, plates and napkins." I order him with a smirk as the girl brings a big pizza box from the back and sets it on the counter beside a small box that has four beer bottles in it along with paper plates and napkins.

There is a small argument between us when she asks who will be paying for it. He gives her a look like is stupid for even asking and when I tell her I am buying he says a simple, not happening and gives her a pointed look.

The girl gulps with a nod and has him sign a slip for the charge before dashing out of sight again. I grab the box, shaking my head at the entire exchange and walk beside Eric. Our hands are full, but we walk close while he still lets me lead the way.

We get to the theater and I see it dawning on Eric what the plan is. I almost skip up to where Alex is sitting behind a counter looking bored as hell. He looks up from his computer, where he is probably playing some game, sees me and smiles. It only falls a little when he sees Eric beside me.

"Hey Alex." I greet him cheerfully. "Long time no see."

He chuckles and nods. "Heya Kat," He glances to Eric and nods to him in greeting. "What brings you here tonight? Another clown therapy session?"

I shudder and shake my head violently. "Hell to the no on the clowns. I do need some entertainment therapy, but I have nothing specific in mind."

"Okay then. What are you guys in the mood for?" He perks up sensing a challenge. He loves when he can dazzle people with his knowledge of all things prewar entertainment wise.

I look at Eric and tilt my head. "Something funny but with explosions?" I pause and bite my lip a little in thought. "I guess we both know I want martial arts as well but maybe something a bit over the top?"

Eric is fighting a smile again and nods then looks to Alex. "Sounds good." Then he looks deep in thought. "Deadpool?"

I have no clue what that is, but the question isn't for me. He is directing it at Alex, challenging him if that is something he has.

Alex smirks at him cockily. "Pfft. No problem. I have both of them if you want."

"Perfect. Can we have a small room? Maybe the one that has the seats made out of pallets that I can stretch out on. I didn't care for the bean bag chair one. I got swallowed up into it last time."

I laugh at this but am only half-joking. I really did almost get swallowed into the huge red bean bag when I ran and jumped into the middle of it. It had left my friends laughing at me and calling me ninja turtle as I tried to flail my way out of it.

"Sure thing. Small one it is. Go ahead and head back. I'll get them set up on the digital projector for you."

"Don't we have to pay?" Eric asks him with a quirked eyebrow.

Alex hesitates, looking at him anxiously but shakes his head. "Uh, no I was just going to have it on the house for Kat."

Eric's jaw is starting to tense, and I refrain from rolling my eyes as I look at Alex. "Go ahead and charge it to Eric's account, Alex. Your enthusiasm in finding those clown movies was thanks enough for me, you don't need to think you owe me for the challenge."

He blushes and nods. "Whatever you say, boss...err...bosses?"

Before he even finished the sentence, I was dragging Eric along who was craning his neck to look back at the theater clerk. He might have been muttering something darkly under his breath before his head snapped back around to me. His expression softened when he saw my worried one.

"Sorry. I can't help it though. You are just too damn sexy for your own good." He teases me with a smirk when we walk into the movie room.

I shake my head, laughing. We pause just a second to decide where we want to sit. The room is small with stadium style seating at the back of the room against the wall where the equipment is all housed. There is this big cutout for the window where the digital projector is at. I don't know exactly how it works but Alex goes into that room and loads everything up. The projector then sends out the movie to the display the room has. For this one, it is a big white canvas that is pulled tightly and secured to a black metal pipe frame at the front of the room. The entire thing is as large as the wall and there are even some lights in the ceiling that are controlled to adjust when the movie starts.

The seating is three levels at staggered heights. For this room, they are made out of wooden pallets, tufted black cushions and have pillows to recline on. They aren't seats really but more like little lounges so that you can sit up with your legs stretched out beside in front.

We pick the top level even though the room won't be in use by anyone else. When I first came here, my friends had explained that when someone picks a movie they basically rent the room out too, making it private.

This is the perfect compromise for me. I wanted it to be just us but still in a public place, so I am not likely to let my hormones take over my reason. This is also much better because we can still talk and enjoy the activity as well as our time together.

We make a little picnic of it and settle back to watch the movie. The pizza is off to his other side and he puts a few slices on plates for the both of us while I open our drinks and get the napkins set up. The lights start dimming just as I pick up a slice and take a big bite with a moan at eating finally and how good it is.

Eric chuckles beside me but he went for his beer first. He gives an appreciative sigh that gets cut off when the blaring of the audio echoes around the room. I smile at him when I feel his arm slipping around my waist from behind me. He pulls me closer to his side and puts his plate on his outstretched legs then starts to eat one handed.

The movie is everything I asked for and more. It is hilarious and irreverent. We are both laughing at it, but my laughter is louder, as always. We spent the first movie just eating and drinking without really speaking other than to comment on the movie.

This felt more like us and it eased the fear in me that I would never be able to feel like I did before with Eric. I still have apprehension but, in this setting, I am not feeling pressure. I think Eric might be feeling the same thing too.

The lights come up after the end of the first movie and he let out a sigh, moving the remnants of our feast away from us. He is turned from me as he puts everything away. When he turns back he has a wide smile on his face, taking my breath away.

"Do you know how much I love you for all of this right now?" He gives a little laugh and shakes his head. "I was for sure I had fucked up so badly that you were just done with the night and me. I don't know what I was thinking other than I wanted it to be perfect for you."

I gulped quietly, trying not to overreact. He had said the word love, but it wasn't really him saying he _loved_ me. I couldn't get ahead of myself and think he was meaning anything other than how relieved he was about how things had turned out. The flutters mixed with the emotions of how I could see he had really been trying and how upset he was when he thought he messed things up.

I lick my lips and look over him. His buttons are still way to damn buttoned up and I really do want to see those sexy arms. The image of the sleeves rolled up just enough to show his tatts and muscles has me squeezing my thighs together just a little. Then I am moving before I can think.

He jumps slightly when I turn my body and get up to my knees, putting my hands on his shoulders. The hesitation is more surprise, but it doesn't last as his hands go to my hips and he settles me on his lap, straddling him. It is reminiscent of the first time I was like this on the roof under a full moon.

I even have all the same tangle of feelings in me that I did then, only now, I know what it feels like to have nothing but his hot skin against my own. I know he is capable of the most tender of touches that can set me to flames just as much as the rough and hungry strokes of his strong hands on me.

I try to push that all aside and focus on what I wanted to communicate to him. My hands move to his shirt and the buttons at the top. He holds still with a smirk on his lips much like he had that night I innocently explored. When I have three of the buttons undone and his shirt is open just enough to get a peek at his chest, I stop and lay my hand over his heart. I smile inwardly to find it racing, something you wouldn't guess from his casual expression.

"Eric, I know that things are a bit…. Strained, between us right now but it doesn't change me or you as a person. I don't expect you to start becoming someone completely different. That isn't what this is about, and I know I haven't explained it very well, but it is hard to define everything I am feeling." He nods and puts his hand over mine but remains silent, letting me continue. I take a calming breath and let it out, deciding honesty is best here.

"I don't want to see you as Marcus. I know that you aren't out to get me or my family. I know you have actually gone out of your way to help and protect them. But knowing that in my mind doesn't seem to be helping with how I feel. How things that happened have made me feel."

He turns his head away from me, nodding and looking pained. "I know. I don't know that I can ever make up for that but…."

I raise my other hand and put two fingers and gently put them over his lips to stop him.

"The thing is, I am coming to realize this is something that will always be there for me, and not just with you. I will always have the fear that anyone could become Marcus and hurt me or my family like he did. There are moments someone will do or say something that reminds me of him so much that I feel panic in that moment. It is something I am working on and maybe will always have to work on."

He grips my hand and pulls it away and takes a breath before speaking. "I get that, kitten. It's just, I'm the one you should be able to trust to never make you feel that way, but I did. I hurt you on purpose to drive you away because I was feeling like someone you didn't need to be with." He lightly strokes the hand he is holding. "It's something I will always regret, so I don't see how you are supposed to get over it. You told me you didn't know if you could live like that, Kat. What if…." He stops for a second and looks at me, his eyes burning into mine.

"I have had a million _'what if'_ moments of my own. All of them about the worst things that could possibly happen. I think," I frown and look away from him. "I think that is what I can't live with, Eric. Those _'what ifs'_ are really just fear. Letting them hold me back and run my life would be my regret. So yeah, there is the _'what if'_ something like that happens again and things go south, but there is also something else too. What if it doesn't? What if this thing that happened actually makes us both stronger together?"

I look back at him and see the hope in his eyes. "I fucking want that so bad, angel. I will do anything to make that happen."

I nod and let out a shaky breath before leaning towards him. As soon as he gets my intentions, his hands are to either side of my head, cradling it as he pulls me closer.

At first, we just brush our lips against each other's. Softly and tentatively. The warmth and fullness of his lips begs for more and on the next pass of his lips to mine I press further and more firmly. It is all the invitation he needs and his tongue coaxes me to open for him.

I mewl into his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck. We kiss for several minutes, the room having already darkened and the sounds of the start of the second movie filling the room and covering our combined sounds of pleasure.

It becomes even more heated and passionate. Turning from the pleasure of reconnecting into the burning need for more. He turned us so now I am on my back stretched out with him to my side and slightly over me. We are still kissing but our bodies and hands are working towards more.

We come up for air and he moves away just enough that our foreheads are pressed together. I gave a whimper of protest at this.

"I want you so bad, Kat. So fucking bad. I would gladly take this further but, I just can't. I know that for you, being with me has always been more. I know you. If I let us go any further, you would be upset with yourself afterwards." He pulls back and smiles as he runs a hand through my hair. "I might not have been the best at waiting before but damned if I am going to mess this up by acting like a teenager with no control. So, we wait until you are ready. Until you can trust me again like before."

I smile, overwhelmed by emotion and relief that I truly believe what I am about to say. "This is a new start for both of us, Eric. I think we can be stronger from this. We can do anything together, right?"

He nods breathing in and out slowly while the skin of his forehead brushes against mine. He lifts his head away enough so that he can brush his lips against my forehead. "Anything, kitten." He agrees before he moves to lay on his side and pulls me firmly against him. "Now let's watch Deadpool find new ways to destroy himself for our amusement."

I laugh and snuggle into him as my agreement. Comfort, excitement and wonder at what might be in store for us combining with the belief that we can make this a new start. One that isn't tainted by secrecy and worry.

It will be what we make of it and I think we are off to a good start.


	81. Periscope

**A/N: Sorry it has taken so long to get this updated. Unfortunately, I am going through some real life crap that is making it harder for me to get the time or energy up to update or be creative. I promise nothing has been forgotten by me and I will get to all of my stories again. In the meantime, here is the latest chapter. We will be skipping through time from now on. Hope everyone enjoys!**

* * *

 **Chapter 81- Periscope**

 _Kat_

I stand in front of an apartment door, trying to gather myself and the courage to reach out and knock. It is late, probably near midnight, but I hadn't been able to sleep because my mind wouldn't shut down.

For three days, since my date with Eric and Tris' with Four, something has been plaguing me. Something unresolved that needed to be confronted before I could really heal. I have ignored it, coming up with all the excuses under the sun to not think about it. Tonight, tossing and turning in my bed, I finally ran out of excuses.

I huff and quickly slap the palm of my hand against the door several times before I lose my nerve. The sound echoes against the stone walls of the hallway, making it seem a lot louder than it really was. It caused me to jump a little and I was already much too twitchy for my liking.

I pull myself inward, huddling inside the big black hooded sweater that is so oversized on me it looks like a dress. I raise my arm and press one of the sleeves to my nose and inhale, not even caring how ridiculous the gesture is. But it smells like Eric and I need that right now.

I hear latches being thrown open and smile a little at how many I am counting just by the sound of it. Someone is overzealous in their security. The door creaks open a little, allowing the person on the other side to peek out but then it gets thrown open when they see me standing in the hallway.

Four stands with no shirt and black sweatpants on, looking to have been woken from a deep sleep. His brow is wrinkled in concern.

"Kat? What's going on? What's wrong? Is Tris okay? Are you hurt?" He stepped out of his apartment into the hallway and put his hand on my shoulder.

I take a breath and smile at him. "Everyone is fine, Tobias." I reassure him, and he relaxes slightly but I can tell he still is worried. "I couldn't sleep. I just…. I wanted to talk to you."

His face twists into an odd combination of relief and pain but he clears his throat nods. "Come on in." He squeezes my shoulder and guides me in with that same gentle pressure.

We don't speak at first when we get into his apartment and the door closes. He goes over to his bed area and finds a sweater to pull on. He has a small two seat sofa and I go over to that, curling up on one side of it. He pads towards me with a frown.

"Did you want some tea?"

I shake my head with a small tired smile. "No, I'm fine, but thank you."

He nods and runs a hand through his hair. There is a chair that looks like it is a dining chair but there is no table in his apartment. He pulls that from where it rests against the wall and flips it around to straddle it in front of where I sit and crosses his arms over the back of it, waiting for me to speak.

"Tris was really happy after your date over the weekend." I start out saying as I pull the sweater over my knees that are bent against my chest. I smile at him as he blushes with a smile tilting the sides of his lips. "That was a really good choice."

He nods and sighs. "It felt right." He admits with a shrug. "It was something I know I should have done a long time ago."

I nod distractedly as I try to pull my thoughts together.

When I got back from my date with Eric, which had gone into the early hours of the morning after two movies and one more make-out session, Tris was already home. She hadn't been asleep. She was laying in bed reading but looked more like she was waiting for me.

She had laughed at my goofy expression while I smiled and launched myself on her bed, giddily asking her how her night had gone. Her smile was radiant, and it let me know that things were going to be okay between my sister and old friend. It had been a perfect choice, taking her to meet Evelyn and officially introducing her to his mother, then having dinner together.

I was happy for her in return, but it left me feeling conflicted when I had sudden realization. It was something I hadn't really wanted to admit, even just to myself. It lived in the back of my mind. But once it saw light, it came forward with a vengeance and hadn't left me alone.

The simple truth was that there had been a small part of me that hoped they wouldn't make up. That he would continue to be an asshole and Tris would wash her hands of him. It made me feel like complete shit when I realized what I had been secretly thinking. How could I want to hurt my sister like that?

Tonight, I had an epiphany while I lay in bed. I was rolled to my side and watching my sister sleeping peacefully on her own bed. I realized; it isn't that I wanted my sister to hurt or be unhappy. I was just still feeling so hurt about what was done to me by Tobias. I have never really moved past all of that because I haven't been willing to confront it. If she had decided to wash her hands of him I never would have had to either.

I could keep myself safe from being hurt again by the first person I had loved outside of my family. That isn't the way I want to live my life and it's not how a Dauntless would either.

"I don't know how sure I am about that anymore, Tobias." I admit softly and lay my cheek on a knee while looking at him. He frowns but lets me continue speaking. "I have said these things to Tris already, just to let you know, but I wasn't willing to say them to you. Not until now."

"I always saw your side of things, your concerns for both of their safety. If Tris had known the truth about Marcus, it would have put her in even more danger. There is no way my sister would have been able to stay silent about him and his evil. Even if it was just a change in how she acted around or towards him, she wouldn't have been able to hide that. Not to mention, she wouldn't have wanted to keep away from Evelyn. It was bad enough I was visiting her so much. Every time I did, I always worried if I was going to lead Marcus to her. So, while I hate that something so important had to be kept from her, I understand. I can also admit that it hurt to know she was keeping so much from me. I know it's hypocritical, considering everyone now knows what I was hiding, but I have come to realize that logic has nothing to do with emotions."

I smile wryly at him and he nods with a small one as well. His hands are clasped together, and he turns them, studying them intensely. "She told me you stuck up for me, defended me. Tris was so angry that I hurt you to begin with, but even with all that you were still fighting for me. That was and is the biggest thing she has trouble with moving past. You two are so alike you know, being more upset and angrier over what was done to each other than for yourselves. I don't deserve her." He lifts his eyes to mine. "I don't deserve either of you."

I sigh and straighten up, letting my feet hit the floor then shooting to my feet. I can hear the chair creak from behind me but can't see his face or what he is doing. I pace as I try to form the words raging in my heart.

"I am still so fucking hurt by everything, Tobias. It isn't so much that it happened. I know you had no choice at the time. It is all the time that passed before you even _tried_ to talk to me again and then it wasn't even to say sorry or explain a thing to me. You just expected me to forgive and move on like a good little Abnegation girl, no explanation needed. It would have been selfish to hold past actions against you and cause you further pain, right?" I rant and spin, then pace the other way, still not looking at him. "You left without saying _anything_ to me. I realize I knew you would be leaving, but didn't I at least warrant _some_ kind of goodbye? Did our friendship mean so little that you could just leave without even that?"

I do an about face, head down and teeth gritted as I once more walk in the other direction.

"Then, when I do see you again, you seemed even more Abnegation than ever. It was like everything we had _ever_ talked and dreamed about in regards to being in Dauntless was erased. You looked at me and saw the grey, forgetting I had never belonged in that color. Anytime I would see you, all I got were lectures and admonishing as if you were one of the elders that seemed to live for calling me out and putting me down."

I angrily shove my hands through my hair feeling like I want to pull it out with the assault of feelings I am under.

"Didn't I get enough of that already? I was an outcast there, Tobias. One step away from being factionless myself. My father couldn't look me at me for a year, and when he did, it was never the same. Do you know how many times I heard the word slut being hissed under the breaths of people who were supposed to be _so_ forgiving and giving? Do you know how many of the supposed placid boys of our old faction decided to see if those rumors were true? Then, when I defended myself from them, I was punished again. Because who would believe the word of someone like me over those that weren't troublemakers or a pariah?"

I am shouting now. Shouting and shaking and verging on tears.

"There was _nothing_ I could do and _no one_ I could turn to. The one person that I could have, the one person I continued to want to go to even after he hurt me, couldn't have cared less. You left me not just by physically leaving the faction, which I had always understood and forgiven, but you took away a friendship I had come to depend on. I needed you and you weren't there for me. I trusted you…...and you broke that."

I stand rigidly looking out of the window, feeling the hurt drain away from me as my shoulders slump. I have unloaded all the poisoned thoughts in my mind. Vented years' worth of pent up feelings and rage.

It's time to move on.

I could say it is all for Tris and because I don't want to make things hard for her, but the truth is I am doing this for me.

"I'm tired of living with all of that, Tobias." I can hear the weariness in my own voice. There isn't a trace of the rage or bitterness from before as I continue.

"I don't know what made Marcus the way he was and if it was something in his past that made him a bitter and miserable excuse for a man. It doesn't excuse it at all even if that is the case. But I have this certainty that if I hold on to all of that, it will only continue to hurt me. It isn't about him winning if I let it rule me anymore, because this isn't a game. The only person that would win or lose is me and it would all be down to what I _allow_ happen."

I turn to look at him again as I wrap my arms around my chest.

"So, I forgive you. Not for either your or my sister's sake. I forgive you for me. I forgive you, so I can move on. Regardless of whether you think you deserve it or not, whether you actually deserve it or not, none of that matters. I won't forget what happened, obviously, and this doesn't mean that we just pick up where we left off as friends. It won't work that way. I'm not the girl I was back then. The past has shaped who I am now, but I intend to shape my own future. I want to be friends again. To do that I know I will need to not hold our past over our heads. So, I ask that you get to know me as I am now, and I want to do the same with you. But I need to know you will be willing to do the same. That you won't hold who I used to be, and our past, over our heads. If you don't agree with something I am doing," I stop and narrow my eyes at him meaningfully, "or who I am with; I don't expect you to just hold your tongue. I am not asking for you to not have your opinion or thoughts, just know that they are your personal thoughts and opinions. We never had friendships before we became close, so we had no guidance on how that was supposed to go. I know what it is like now and I know that friends don't always agree but they are always there for each other. Friends don't always like the same things or each other's actions, but they support them and have each other's back. That is what I am asking for here. If you think you can do that, move on from the past and how it used to be, then I can be your friend again. If not, then we can just step back and be pleasant to each other for my sister's sake but not force something because you are with her. Your relationship with my sister doesn't mean we need to be friends but it does mean we should be decent to each other."

I get all out and wait while inside exhaustion explodes in me. It took more out of than I ever could have thought it would to do this. To say these things, to confront my feelings, to confront Tobias.

I watch him walk towards me then stop just before he reaches me. "Under the circumstances that is more than I could ever hope or ask for. I know I have made mistakes in the past and I can't promise to not make them in the future. But I can promise that I will try harder to be a better friend." He smiles at me and chuckles. "Besides, Tris has already threatened some pretty horrible things for my future if I don't get my act together."

I nod and smile, laughing a little. Tris has been pretty vocal in her grumblings about things she would do to Tobias if he messes up again so badly. I can only imagine what she let loose on him in person.

He tilts his head and his brow wrinkles. "You look tired all of the sudden. You okay?"

I shrug and yawn as I rub the back of my neck. "Other than tired I am fine. I think I can finally rest."

I must have a goofy and relieved smile because Tobias chuckles and then tells me to hang on second. He dashes to where his shoes are and pulls them on.

"You look like you would drop right here, better make sure you get to the apartment before that happens."

"Good idea."

* * *

"So, are you happy to be done with Candor?" Zach asks me with a sarcastic smile.

This was after I had just given the loudest yell and ran full out towards the train as soon as we left Candor for the last day of our two-week training.

I laugh and plop myself down in one of the seats of the car we are in. "Did my triumphant yelling not convey this?"

Until we started going to Candor I didn't realize that the train had cars with built-in seats. Raze said it is a combination of Dauntless preferring the open cars and transfers not being able to make the forward cars that are meant for passengers.

Zach shrugs with his own laugh and takes the seat right next to mine. It is empty besides us, so it isn't like he needs to, but I don't mind. This gives me someone to lean on for the long ride home.

I am exhausted mentally from the last three days I have had to endure. Lynn, Tris, and Peter already finished the training we were all doing together at Candor. Mine continued on for three days.

Three _long_ days where I barely slept and haven't been back to Dauntless.

The final part of my training as a future leader for Candor had been to shadow and work the prison complex for our city. My sister and friends had gotten to go back but I stayed in the housing for those guards assigned to this sector.

The work was fairly easy, but I did an overnight shift my last time and still haven't slept. Zach had business there so met up with me as soon as I did my last bits of paperwork then packed up to head home.

I sigh as I settle my head against him. He had wrapped his arm around my shoulders and let me settle in against his side.

"I don't know how you do it, Zach. Go back there all the time. I get why you and Chase left now. It's horrible there." I mumble tiredly. He gives a hum of agreement as he types something on his tablet.

I chew on my lip a little, debating on asking him about things I have wondered about. My curiosity wins out in the end.

"Zach, I've wanted to ask you about something." I ask softly, and unsure how to start out.

He glances at me before putting his tablet away. "You know you can talk to me about anything."

I raise my head and sit up a little while I nod. "I know. It's different when I am talking to you about myself though, I don't feel like I am invading your privacy."

He gives me a side smile and shakes his head. "Go ahead, Kat."

"Was it the same for you there as it was for Peter?" He tilts his head, his eyes narrowing slightly as if in confusion. I rush on to get it out. "I don't know exactly how it was but guessing from things he let slip on why he stuck around with Molly and Drew, plus how his dad is, I guessed. I was just wondering if that is why you aren't dating anyone in Dauntless. Is it the same in Dauntless as in Candor?" I scowl at that thought and look at him.

He smirks at me for a second before he looks off out of the window and sighs. "When I was still in Candor, hiding something like that was impossible. You know how in Dauntless there is the game Candor or Dauntless, right? Well, there is another game that is played in Candor, but it is never a scheduled thing. It is kind of always going. The goal of the game is finding out the biggest piece of dirt on someone you can find. The more damning, the better. What made it worse is if there was no actual proof, only suspicion, there was this thing that they did. They would slip truth serum into something of the persons and then question them. Most times this was done in as public a location as possible. Other times, if it couldn't be done in front of people to witness, they would record it and play it for the faction."

I feel my blood boiling at all of this information. "How is that allowed! What kind of people let kids go at each other like that?"

"Candor. They believe if it is in pursuit of the truth then it is for the good of the faction." He says with a shrug and a strained smile at me. "It was pretty bad for me, but I only had to endure it for that last year before I transferred. Peter, well, with the choosing age being changed, he endured it for far longer."

I nod with a deep frown. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but you shouldn't let that keep you from finding someone to make you happy and be open about it."

He pulled me closer with a chuckle and squeezed. "It isn't like that in Dauntless, so you don't have to worry about that. If I had wanted to I could have dated. I just didn't want to. Maybe it was partly because of what happened in Candor. Maybe it was also because of how torn up I had been about my niece. So, dating wasn't on my list of priorities."

I nod in understanding and smile. "Any guy would be lucky to have you, Zach. I know whoever you end up with better treat you right or I will have their balls in a vice."

He let out a booming laugh and shook his head. "Good to know. I will make sure they get that warning ahead of time."

I laughed and settled back into him, tired and ready to sleep until it was time to jump. Before I drifted off a thought that had been at the back of my mind lately struck me.

"Zach, I know you and Peter are close. Maybe you could give me some advice. I don't know what caused Peter to want to hang around me to begin with, but ever since we got done with training he has become distant. Did I do something to cause that?"

He looks at me for a long minute, his forehead wrinkling with whatever he was thinking about so hard. Finally, he lets out a sigh and speaks. "You didn't do anything, princess. Peter is going through some things and it has been hard for him. I promised him I wouldn't tell you what, but I can tell you that he is feeling guilty about something he found out." He reached up and soothed my hair. "He also thinks that when you do find out you aren't going to want anything to do with him, so he might as well make that easier."

What would make him feel guilty and like I wouldn't want to speak to him? The only thing would be if had taken part in the crap that happened to me and my sister.

"Was he involved?" I blurt out the question with wide eyes.

"No, he wasn't involved. I can reassure you of that, Kat. Anything else….you will need to talk to him about. I promised him I wouldn't say anything to you about any of that but that was more me promising not to seek you out and telling you. Since you asked me, I can tell you that you really need to get him alone and talk to him." He blushes and looks away. "I actually would consider it as a favor if you would."

I bite my lip and nod. "I would be anyways because I need to know. But for you, I will make sure I do soon."

He smiles and kisses the top of my head in relief.

I would find a way to get Peter alone and get answers but that would have to wait.

Three days away and heavy texting teases had me on a mission for something else as soon as I could get it.

* * *

My head hits to table with a loud thump and I groan loudly.

"Come on, it's not _that_ bad." Peter drawls across the conference table from me.

I lift my head up and rub the spot I had thumped it on the hardwood while trying to scowl at him. I know the gesture is lost on him because we can't see each other. In front of me are stacks of folders and files. Stacks so tall I can't see him, but he can't see me either. We both have them piled in front of us while the big conference table has other stacks in various states of readiness.

I give a scoff of disagreement and grab a new file then slam it open to begin another round of torture.

I heard shuffling and a muttered curse before I saw the stacks in front of me being moved to the side. Peter had leaned over and with his long arms and lanky body, cleared both the area in front of himself and then me.

He had a scowl on his face and his lips were thinned.

"What's up?" I asked with a frown.

"You don't have to be doing this. It isn't your mess to deal with. You don't need to play some damn martyr here." He almost spat out at me.

It's funny to think that just a few months ago I would have taken offense at his tone and expression. But now I knew Peter better. I knew what was behind the snark, sarcasm and offensive comments.

I sighed, dropped my pen and crossed my arms over each other on the table. "It's not your mess either, Peter." I try once again to get that through to him but know it is fruitless. Even Zach hasn't been able to make him believe that. "You can't be held accountable for the sins of your father, but I can understand where you are coming from. I am not helping you just because of some sense of obligation or because it is part of being from Abnegation. I want to take your father down just as much as you. I think the only way you are going to be able to move forward is to do this and I know you want your mom free of him too. So, no matter how much I loathe the paperwork, I will be right here sorting through this mess with you."

Peter took in a slow breath, his attitude slowly easing with the inhaling of fresh air. "Whatever you say, Stiff." He said with a small nod and a small twist of his lips. Then he moved back over to his own paper towers and began to work again.

He wasn't the type to get overly emotional or thankful, but I could see it in his eyes as he would look back at me from time to time. I found my own small, less awkward ways, to let him know I knew what he wanted to say but wouldn't. They mostly consisted of things grade school kids would do to each other. Balling up and tossing papers at each other or other playful things like that to hopefully lighten the mood.

My talk with Zach had led me to confront Peter two days after I had gotten back to Dauntless. I had spent most of the first day catching up on much-needed sleep. The rest of it had been spent with my friends and sister and finally, when Eric got back from his own meetings, he and I had a long date that consisted of a movie marathon over at Chase's apartment.

We still haven't been really alone together. It was slowly starting to get to me and break down the reservations I had been having but I had not been ready to push for more at that point.

Since I had time off I decided to go ahead and track Peter down. Where we are now was where I found him. Holed up in a conference room, in a secure part of the control. The table was littered with piles of files, the floor with scattered books and the computers were open with vid feed running, some of it real time and the rest was archived.

He looked like crap and like he hadn't slept at all. I found him by chance, following a frazzled looking Zach as he made his way from a deli to the control room with a couple of bags that had food he had just picked up. I meant to catch up with him and ask him if he was okay, but something made me hold back and watch him.

He disappeared into the room and it took me giving Zeke puppy dog eyes for him to let me in as well. I found Zach, Peter and Raze all around the room in the middle of various tasks. Things that were all still linked to the Marcus Eaton investigation that I had thought was resolved.

It turns out that it is far from over.

I had been so pissed off when I first found out.

Especially since they had been keeping it a secret from me. It took Raze telling me that the people in the room, and Max of course, were the only ones in the know about this stage of the investigation. Eric and Chase didn't even know more than they were looking into the older Hayes.

It all started at the trial and a conversation between Peter and his mom that was interrupted by his dad. There were things said and implications made that made him think his father had at the very least known about the intended attacks on me and my sister. Later, when we were doing our training at Candor, his mom had secretly found him and confided that his father was involved in some way and that there were still things going on, but she didn't have the details.

Peter had approached Zach with this knowledge and they had started to dig. It turned out to be a full-blown investigation in less than a day. It wasn't just about his father though and that is why it was being kept quiet for the present time. With Max, Jack and my dad's approval, there was a full-on investigation being launched that would hopefully start to clean house in all the factions, starting with Candor.

It turns out, Peter's avoiding me was because he felt guilt over the fact his father was involved so heavily with Marcus and not just in regards to the recent events. It looks like Marcus was bribing or paying Peter's dad off in some way to help cover his tracks for years. All the things I always wondered about, how he kept getting away with things, it was all because of people like Hayes.

I set Peter straight immediately that I didn't hold him responsible for the actions of his father. I had also demanded to be put on the investigation. I knew Marcus better than anyone and there was no way I was going to be left out on ending his corruption once and for all.

For the last two weeks my role in the investigation was limited to going through years' worth of cases, files and documents that had any of the two men involved. I had known what I was signing up for, I just sometimes had the passing thought that I would almost rather bash my head against the table then look at another piece of paper.

I always knew there would be more to Marcus' corruption and that it would take time to put things right. I guess I just hadn't been able to see the forest for the trees as the saying goes.

Despite the heavy feeling that the scope of the job ahead of me inspires, life for me in Dauntless has gone on. I am keeping my promise to not let that stop me from living and enjoying my life.

The people around me wouldn't let me do that anyways even if I wanted to. Life moved on for them, relationships evolved and deepened.

Lynn, who had struggled to deal with her feelings for Mar as well as the fact that she preferred women, finally came out to the others. Even though Zach and I had that conversation where he told me that was much more accepted in my new faction, I still had worry for her. I guess I should have had more faith in my friends, they almost had no reaction whatsoever other than Mar going into a matchmaker mode, with sly looks and pointing out different girls to Lynn that left the girl speechless and blushing.

Zeke proposed to Shauna. The party that happened after that almost rivaled the one for the end of initiation. The general consensus was that it was about time. Mar and Shauna have gone into crazy planning mode and are thankfully not expecting me or Tris to get involved. Lynn had outright laughed when they asked her.

Will was deep in his training and it took dragging him out of there at times to get him to see the light of day. The department is deeper into Dauntless and when we joke about him crawling out of his cave, it isn't really a joke. It is a literal cave, with the most awful bright light and no heating so that it is even colder than the rest of the compound. He loves it though. I also suspect that there is a romantic relationship blooming between him and an older Dauntless woman that was born into the faction but after just a five-minute conversation with her, you wonder why she didn't transfer to Erudite. Her name is Karen and she is a sweet woman that I have liked on the few occasions either of them joined us.

Tris was spending more time with Tobias, had even started to spend the night at least once a week but we always had at least one girl's night in and dinner at the apartment. I still hadn't had to cook.

If Tris wasn't going to be at home I would hit up the dining hall or one of the other places to eat. Sometimes all of my friends, along with Chase, Zach and Eric would be there. Other times it was just Chase, Zach, Eric, and me that would go to dinner together.

Now that I am back at Dauntless and doing training here, there has been a new routine established.

Every morning Eric meets me at my apartment, bringing with him a travel cup of coffee that he brews in his apartment. Coffee that he smugly told me would beat the stuff Raze had been providing me. From there he would walk me to where I would be training at and sometimes, if we had time, we got in some workout sessions together.

Now that I am a member and a leader in training, we moved those workout sessions to the set up dedicated to leaders or high-ranking officers. That was also where I would get cleaned up before my work day started. Those had more privacy than the dorm bathrooms but still weren't divided by gender.

Those mornings were the biggest teases for me. Technically, Eric and I were showering together. We were just in stalls beside each other. I could hear the water running in his while my own pounded against my skin. It took great effort to keep my mind clear of the memories that brought up. Though, there was nothing I could do to keep away the longing for them.

The rest of my days depended on what Raze had scheduled for me as far as training. Sometimes I had time to sit down for breakfast and others I would have to grab something on the go. Lunch was almost always in the dining hall and with my friends where we had started to meet to catch up. After work and dinner would depend on everyone's schedules.

I sighed and thought about my upcoming date with Eric.

I reached a turning point earlier in the week. The desire for him had never gone away, even when I felt like my heart was torn out, that was still there. It is this growing ache that is only getting worse the more time we spend together but deny that aspect of our relationship.

At first, I was the one being careful to make suggestions or arrange for dates where we wouldn't be alone enough to go there. Later, it was Eric making the suggestions and arrangements because I found myself trying to push the limits.

I had reached my limit of limits. The turning point for me came after a dreaded meeting he was scheduled to have at Erudite. Specifically, with Jeanine and Damon. He had put off the demand for his presence knowing that it was about our relationship. Eric dreaded knowing what he was going to have to do, what I told him I knew he needed to do. Jeanine still has her eye on me and my sister, that much is clear. It is also clear that the best way to go about things was to have Eric use my interest in him that was already guessed at by his appearance in my fear landscape. Eric hated using that as a cover but until we could find a way to take Jeanine down, it was the only way I could see forward.

I wouldn't say it was a test, the aftermath of the meeting, but maybe I had been anxious about it. Eric had been completely agitated when he got back, and I could tell they had taken every opportunity to poke at his beast. He was quiet but not standoffish when he returned. We took the opportunity to arrange a dinner at Zach's, Chase picking up some food for us and forgoing cooking. He held me close as we curled up on the couch watching a movie. When he did talk, he summed up what had been said and how he was feeling about it. He was more worried about how I was doing.

In all it was rather anticlimactic how that ended up. Even though I had worked so hard to be confident and trusting, there was a big part of me that was holding my breath. I had been on the verge of a panic attack the entire time he was gone, waiting for him to come back and a repeat of our big fight to happen. At the very least I thought I would need to work to calm him down and reassure him when instead he was doing that for me.

It was huge step in being able to trust again and it unlocked the last bit of reservations I was having, and I know I am ready.

I told Eric that I expected our next date to be dinner at his apartment. The date is tomorrow night and Eric will be out of the compound most of the day while I will be working with Raze here in the compound splitting my time between paperwork for the faction and the investigation.

I would be lying if I said I am not nervous, but I am also extremely excited and impatient feeling the night to be here already. So anxious that I might just leave early and arrange for a surprise for Eric when he gets back to Dauntless.

A wicked smile crosses my face and I hum a little as I grab the next file and return to work with a renewed focus.


	82. Wicked Game

**A/N: Alright folks, here is the next chapter. Better late than never. I hope you enjoy. I am liking coming up with peeks into life in Dauntless for the gang and new ways to make a sap out of Eric. Who knew he could be so sweet! Thanks so much, as always, for all the views, reviews, follows and favs!**

 **Disclaimer: I still own naught but my own plot and the madness I incite within.**

* * *

 **Chapter 82 - Wicked Game**

 _Eric_

"They are moving Marcus Eaton to long term care." Max said from the other side of the conference table. The statement draws a variety of reactions from the other leaders around us. Most of them are scowls of disgust and I can hear Victoria muttering about it just being a waste of resources.

"I thought they said his injuries were mostly healed? Besides the liver damage, but they determined that was due to his years of drinking." Raze had his arms crossed over his chest and looked to be deep in thought.

Max grunts his agreement and looks away from the tablet in his hand. "As far as the doctors can tell, his injuries from the attack have healed. The swelling on his brain from the fall he had and the other injuries from the attack, have gone down or healed enough that they removed him from the medically induced coma. He still isn't waking from it and it has been two weeks."

"So, he should be waking up but isn't and they don't know why?" James asks slowly with a scowl.

"Correct. Which is why he is being moved to long term. He still needs medical attention but not as intensive as it was before. They believe that trauma is the reason for him still being in the coma and they say he could wake up at any time, or never again. Until then I still want to keep a guard posted to the area."

I nod in agreement to the guard recommendation and refrain from adding to Victoria's muttered sentiment that he could be monitored just as easily from a prison cell; better yet they could execute him and not deal with it at all anymore.

I would add that to the suggestions being tossed out there by the others, but I get why Max isn't pushing for it. There are still so many unanswered questions and if there is a chance that Marcus will pull through to answer for them, he wants to keep it.

Two months from the trial and things are still turning up. Max and Raze haven't come out and told me about the investigation into Peter's dad and his connection to Marcus, but Zach let me in on it. Those two bastards have a lot to answer for, but it is definitely pointing to things being corrupted on much deeper levels in our city.

I've been assigned, along with Chase, to investigate the factionless activity as well as assist Abnegation with cleaning house and securing the sites where the cities goods are stored and produced.

A week after the trial, when it was announced city wide that Marcus was no longer leader of the government and was in critical condition, a raid on the warehouses was made. No one could say if it happened specifically during that week or even before then, because it seems that there was no real security assigned. There were no regular inspections of the warehouses or inventories done. The ones that _were_ performed all had been signed off on by Marcus himself, but it is apparent there was something off about those few inventories.

I have been charged with putting together teams to go through those places with a fine-tooth comb and do inventory of everything. At the same time, we will be shoring up security on the actual structure of the buildings while at the same time have a better security presence there. Before now, we were not allowed to have Dauntless there in an official security position. We could have Dauntless laborers there, but they were there to do the heavy lifting and that was all.

Factionless activity has become almost nonexistent. To the point you would think there are no factionless left in the city. We know that isn't true, but they seem to have places to hole up. It wouldn't be concerning, given it is winter and there have been several days' worth of snow that have built up, but the radio silence is nerve wracking and has me on edge. It feels the calm before the storm and I can't put my finger on why that is.

The other leaders seem to think that they are running scared, knowing that Marcus had been lenient on them and allowed them to get away with so much. Now that he is gone, they are afraid that the new government head will allow much stricter treatment and policing. I know that Max has been in talks with Andrew about getting this in place as soon as possible, so it could be what has factionless behaving.

As if all of that wasn't enough to have on my plate, I still had Erudite. I still had Jeanine breathing down my neck. Max was stonewalling her on hearing out any more to do with Divergents. Without him being on board and seeing them as a real threat, she couldn't work him on the next part of her plan. The plan to pin Abnegation as the source of divergents and the _real_ threat to the city. A threat that needs to be routed out completely then the city could come together with a stronger and better government. One ran by Jeanine and Erudite of course.

Max wasn't hearing it though and while I was glad as hell about that, it was making my life hell. Jeanine was demanding I start finding ways to change his mind, even if I had to make things happen myself. Not to mention that she wasn't about to let go of the idea that Kat and Tris were the keys to the divergence solution.

It was hard to play off my relationship to Kat as a means to keep her close, a way to keep my eye on her and get proof of her divergence. Damon's constant digs at the me and the relationship with Kat had me on edge, but I wasn't about to make the same mistake I had before and take that out on Kat. The first time I had to meet with my brother and Jeanine, I could tell she was scared. She tried to hide it from me, tried to be supportive and strong for me, but I could tell that she was expecting the worst. For me to come back and a repeat of that fight to happen.

I can admit it had been close. I rode the train for a bit longer then hopped off and tried to walk off some of the bad feelings I had leaving that meeting. I still couldn't talk right away when I finally did make it back. I was too afraid to. Afraid I would say something in the wrong tone, not even meaning to or knowing I was doing it, and it would send her into a panic. I could feel her relief when I held her, even if I didn't talk.

I could also feel that something else happened that night. Something shifted for us and I think it was trust. Whatever trust I had lost, was back now. She hadn't said as much so I wasn't for sure, but I felt it in the way she was resistant to pull away when we kissed. How she hesitated or looked unsure when I would walk her back to her apartment after a date. I was barely holding on myself but as much as I wanted to take her back to the apartment with me, I didn't. I didn't even hint at it or ask. I was the one that had to cool things off and Kat was the one that was pushing further. It was getting harder and harder for me to do, but I was determined that it wasn't going to happen until she said the words. Until she let me know she was ready, and not when we were in the middle of making out, because that girl would say anything in the heat of moment. I couldn't risk she would regret it once the moment had passed.

The meeting continues on, assignments being handed out and updates on the status of all the new members.

My week is shaping up to be a shitty one. The bright spot for me is I know that I will have a date with Kat at the end of it and no matter what is in store, it is worth the crap I have to wade through to get there at the end.

* * *

I close the door to my apartment then begin the process of unloading my pockets and stripping my boots and jacket off. The tiredness I was feeling as I dragged my ass back into the compound had quickly worn off once I realized what I had going on in just a few hours. My blood is buzzing with anticipation of it.

After two months of getting together everywhere but the apartment, Kat and I are finally going to be alone here, and it had all been her idea.

From the day she had pretty much demanded this dinner I have been in planning and fantasy mode. The disaster of our first date was clear in my mind though. I had learned well from it and every date with her since. I should have known and remembered her pleasure that night on the roof when we had stopped fighting what is between us.

Looking back, it had been ridiculously simple, a night under the full moon and watching the sunrise with coffee. At the time I had considered it sappy as hell, and maybe to some of the other guys in Dauntless it would be too. The thing is, I was a hell of a lot happier that night then some of those unlucky bastards that are being carted off to one place or another, spending insane amounts of points and working hard just to show their girls a good time.

Every date since then has been just the same. Simple things that made not only her happy but me as well.

I kept that in mind and had decided to just keep it simple. The day before I stocked up the kitchen for whatever we might be in the mood to eat for dinner. I also spent the evening after I got home from work cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. I had been so eager to get things ready, that I now realize I have nothing to do but jump in the shower and get dressed. Then find something to do to kill time until I go to get her.

Once I have my boots off and in their place by the door, I straighten out and walk further into the apartment. It takes a second, but I realize something is off.

I hear water running.

There have been a few water pipe breaks throughout the compound with the freezing temperatures. It was usually the places that are farther from the surface, deeper into the rock that makes up the compound. Though it is usually lower in the compound it has happened higher up.

"Goddammit." I mutter angrily as I take big strides towards the noise, praying that it isn't a busted pipe but figuring that it is just my luck it will be.

It's probably my punishment for all the dirty shit I have been fantasizing will happen tonight with Kat. She didn't come right out and say anything was going to happen between us but with her pushing things further and the obvious frustration she has at the end of our dates, I can imagine that it is bound to happen.

I get closer and the sound of water gets stronger. My scowl deepens so I pick up my steps. Another sound hits my ears just before I get to the door of the bathroom.

A moan. Soft and faint but one I would know fucking anywhere.

My feet slide slightly once they hit the tile of the bathroom and I almost trip over them when I try to restart the walk I had been in the middle of trying to suddenly stop. My mind shuts down and my eyes go wide while I take in the sight before me.

My shower was a luxury I indulged when renovating the apartment. It had been a shitty one before with hardly any water pressure and was small as hell. I could barely fit into the tiny shower stall and it was impossible to move without banging my elbows against the dingy tiled wall.

I solved that by blowing out the small room that was supposed to be a second bedroom and made it part of the bathroom. That allowed me to make myself a large shower, completely glassed in and with enough pressure coming out of the wall and ceiling shower heads to clean even the filthiest factionless out there. Because the glass went from floor to ceiling it also allowed it to steam up really good, which was the main reason I went with that design.

I love steam baths.

I hadn't cared a bit about how it looked and if it was pretty or not, so I went with grey slate over the entire thing. Even the bench I had made inside of it was covered in the same grey slate. All I cared about was the functions that I wanted to indulge in, my one true frivolous thing I allowed myself.

Later, this damn shower became the best part of my fucking day. When I got Kat to myself, with my hands all over her and the rest of Dauntless, along with all the crap going on in our lives, went away.

There during the height of initiation and when we barely had time to see each other; this was my refuge and where I found peace.

A soft moan sounds again, bringing my mind back to the here and now. Kat stands under the rain shower head with her back slightly to me. Her face is turned up to the water and her eyes are closed in a blissful expression.

My heart speeds up so much I can feel the blood pumping through my veins. I don't speak or move, fearing this is an illusion and anything will make it disappear. I lick my lips in a mouth gone dry and let myself absorb everything.

She doesn't know I am here, probably wasn't expecting me, and it makes me feel like a perv standing here watching her like I am with my hand hovering near where my dick is trying to pitch a tent in my pants.

Kat lowers her head, reaches out her hands and cups them to gather water, then brings them to let the water fall over her breasts. A groan tears through me at that and I shuffle slightly.

A soft chuckle comes from her and she looks over her shoulder at me, that devious smile and sparkle in her eyes. I narrow my eyes at her but don't speak. She bites her lower lip and turns more fully to face me, her hands stroking up her body starting from her thighs up to her breasts. She cups them in her hand, her head falling back a little and watching me through eyes glazed over with lust.

Even as the lust ramps up in me I still try to hold on to that pledge that we won't go there until she says the words. Despite the fact that all the blood in my body seems to be pulsing in my cock, my brain has a few cells firing.

When I heard water running there hadn't been a thought that it would be anyone taking a shower in my apartment. The only person that would even do something like that would be Kat and I had just had a message from her when I was rolling back into the compound. One that said she would see me later that night.

 _No, she said she would see me as planned._

I watch her taking each of her hardened nipples between fingers before tweaking them all while watching and teasing me with that damn smile on her face.

As planned, but it wasn't the plan we had talked about before, it was one she came up with on her own. She planned this and timed it, so I would find her like this when I got home.

A growl rumbles through my chest when her grin gets wider while moving one hand down between her legs slowly and I drop my pants then rip my shirt and vest off.

 _Fuck it. That's good enough for me. Who needs words when actions speak louder._

* * *

Kat pulls back from our kiss with a sigh and lays her head on my chest. Her hair is still slightly damp from our shower that ended before either of us bothered with any kind of soap. I let my head fall back onto the pillow of the bed but don't release her hair from my grasp.

She hums in contentment as I use gentle pressure from my fingers to massage her scalp but otherwise it is quiet. I look out the window of my bedroom and see that the sun is just starting to set. The red of the dying light melting into the various shades of darker colors that will soon be inky black.

I turn my head and look at the digital clock on one of the nightstands and see that it is just about dinner time.

"You hungry?" I murmur the question into her hair as I lift my head and press a kiss to the top of hers.

"Mmm," She sighs and runs her hand over my chest, then raises her head and looks at me with a smile. "I could eat."

Despite her words and the rumble from her stomach that followed them, she made no move to get up from where we are sprawled out on the bed. She just turns her face down and brushes her nose against my skin.

I jerk and let out a startled gust of breath when her teeth graze across my nipple. "Shit." I exclaim and go to pull her up and away while she giggles.

She doesn't resist as I roll us so that I am covering her with my body and claiming her mouth in a kiss. I pull back after a few minutes and marvel that even with how spent we both are, my dick is still trying to rise to the occasion.

I pull away and give her a playful smack on the ass when she follows me up to her knees on the bed. Our discarded clothes are still on the bathroom floor, so I pull out my boxers and gather up the rest of the crap, then go to toss them in the laundry hamper. When I open it up I see that Kat's clothes are sitting in there already.

I bite my lip and let my shit drop then head out of the bathroom. She has already vacated the bed and I hear rustling from the kitchen area, so I head out there. I stifle the groan when I find her bent over with her head in the fridge and my shirt she is wearing riding up and exposing her being naked beneath.

"Why don't you get a shower and I can take care of dinner." I offer with a little more force than I meant to.

She pulls her head out of the fridge but has her hands full of things wearing a grin. "Why bother taking one now?" She shrugs and puts her items on the counter then walks over to wrap her arms around my neck.

My hands go to her waist and I pull her flush against my body before leaning down and brushing my lips against hers.

"If I remember correctly, someone is on a kitchen strike again." I murmur against her lips.

"Exceptions can be made. Besides, I didn't say I was going to do anything more than assist." She sasses back to me before she kisses me.

We spend the next few minutes doing absolutely no cooking but a lot of kissing. Ending with her slightly perched on the counter and her legs wrapped around my waist. We finally break away after our stomach give synchronized grumbles.

Kat is once again on solid ground but standing beside me as I survey the items she has pulled out. My lips are tugging at the sides at her predictable choices and I try to give her a scowl but really, I could give a shit less that she has gone with. I wouldn't have gotten the shit, but I knew how much she loved it.

 _Lynn is right, I am whipped when it comes to Kat._

"What?" She asks with a shrug and wide eyes. "If you didn't want to make that you shouldn't have gotten the stuff for it. You had to know I was going to go for it." She says simply and looks away from me with a sniff as she takes a cookie sheet from the cabinet and starts arranging the chicken nuggets on it.

I shake my head, not even bothering to argue, then start to work on the mac and cheese and mashed potatoes.

We fall into talking about work as we stand beside each other in the kitchen working on dinner. Preparation of the simple dinner doesn't take long and I am running through things in my mind to drag the process, along with our night, out. It is on my mind to get her to stay the night, but I don't know if that would be pressing things too far.

I don't want to fuck things up when they have been going well so far.

Kat starts to set the table for us, pouring drinks and getting cutlery out while I put the finishing touches to the scratch made mac and cheese.

"I was thinking we could watch the first couple of movies in that series Lynn suggested. I didn't know if you had it, but Lynn had to go with Max to Erudite a few days ago and picked the entire series up. I brought them and a few others with me."

Kat says from where she is moving around in the dining area. I raise an eyebrow and smirk but inside I can feel nothing but pleased that she is suggesting this.

"The Jigsaw series?" I ask as that occurs to me and I frown searching my memory if there are any fucking clowns in that shit.

"Yeah, that's the one but I brought a few others if we aren't in the mood for gore."

I snort and shake my head. "Gore isn't a problem. I was more worried about there being a clown in there that I don't remember."

I can see her shudder from the kitchen and she let out a sigh. "Well, if there is one I guess it will be a good thing that I will have you to keep me from waking up ready to attack something in my sleep tonight."

I nod absentmindedly, carrying the bowls of food over to the table when it hits me what she said. I set the bowls down and clear my throat, praying I sound casual and that I am not grinning like the lunatic I am feeling like at the moment.

"So, you are planning on staying the night?"

She was just sliding into her chair and looks up at me with a frown, then blushes and looks uncertain. "Is that okay? I mean I know we didn't talk about it or plan for that but I just…"

I stop her by leaning down and kissing her soundly. Happiness coursing through me and pouring into the kiss. Never breaking the kiss, I get seated and scoot her closer to me so that she isn't quite in my lap but close enough.

"It's more than fucking okay, angel. It's perfect." I reply in a rasp when we finally end the kiss only to lazily continue the kiss and brushing of our lips against each other.

The rest of the night is perfect.

Even with me vetoing the Jigsaw movie because the main villain is way too close to one for my liking. Instead we went with the Alien series even though Kat protested and said she was up to trying the first one.

I wasn't.

I had no desire to roll the dice on what it might trigger for her.

By the time the third movie was rolling on the vid screen we were both more than half asleep and decided to call it a night. Getting ready for bed was simple since neither of us bothered to get dressed after our earlier activities. She was still wearing my shirt and I was still in my boxers.

Her clothes that I had gotten with my brothers so long ago still stayed in the apartment along with the toiletries and toothbrush, so she had things to wear to bed and tomorrow already. We brush our teeth beside each other but didn't bother to put on nightclothes. In fact, I watched with a satisfied smile as she lifted my shirt off of her and got into bed completely naked.

I love that she still blushes even now, especially when it combines with her hungry look as I drop my boxers. When her body is tangled with mine as we are exhausted after another round and the hunger we have for each other is taken care of, I can't help my own contented sigh. I am already dreading tomorrow night because I know there is a chance she won't want to do this again.

"Eric," Kat whispers into the night and her breath tickling my skin. "I'm not moving in," she pauses in speaking as if weighing her words and my reaction. I tense up and grit my teeth wanting to protest this but restrain myself enough to let her continue. "But I wouldn't mind doing this again. I really liked tonight."

I tighten my arms around her and brush my lips against her forehead as I let out a breath of relief mixed with disappointment. "I did too, kitten." I stop and collect myself to answer her. "I can live with that arrangement." I answer with a small shrug of my shoulders.

 _For now._

I finish that sentence in my mind and wonder how far I can push it. Was it technically moving in if she slept over every night?

 _Nope, but I plan on finding out if she feels that way._

* * *

I sat with Chase and Zach around a table in control. Files spread out among us and all of us wearing identical scowls.

It has been five months since the investigation of Marcus Eaton resulted in him being ousted. Something that didn't matter in the end since he was attacked and lapsed into a coma that he still hasn't woken from.

Since then the factionless activity that we are used to dropped to zero. There were still factionless around, but they were much fewer than usual. It was a hard winter with heavy snowfall and storms that lasted for days on end it seemed. A drop in activity was normal for this time of year anyways and especially during weather like we have had. Usually, there are a good number of factionless that seek out shelter at the volunteer center but this year the numbers were far fewer than years past.

Then there are all the results pouring in about and the state of their security from the warehouses and factories that provide all the goods for the city. Security breaches, security risks, and major discrepancies of both the inventory and projected output riddle the reports in front of us.

The information is so conflicting but also extremely worrying and it is leaving us at a crossroads.

"I don't see any other way. We need to get more information and to do that we need someone inside the factionless. Interrogating them isn't getting us anywhere." Chase repeats the conclusion we had all reached a while ago but had been trying to avoid following through with.

I sigh and rub the back of my neck. "Well, he isn't going to arrange this if _I_ ask him to, and we decided not to get Kat involved in this part of the investigation because she is already working overtime with the shit on Candor." I grumble and squint my eyes as my mind works to come up with someone, anyone other than Four, to have to go to for this next favor.

"Come on, you guys aren't nearly as bad as you used to be." Zach cajoles me with a growing smirk on his face. "Who would have thought you would be having Four over for dinner at your apartment? I still can't believe it and I know it happened."

I glare at him and shift uncomfortably in my seat. "It doesn't make us friends or anything and you should know that since you were there as well. Did it look like we wanted to be at that table together?"

"Nah, honestly it looked like the two of you were trying to hold in massive shits." Zach says in laughter, recalling the tense ' _family_ ' dinner Kat had insisted on holding when she had learned that it was Christmas Eve, the first one the two sisters could celebrate openly.

I hadn't minded that they wanted to celebrate by having dinner together, but I had thought more along the lines of it being us all sitting together at a table in the dining hall.

Nope.

They wanted to do it right and that meant cooking everything themselves. That also meant that they needed a place big enough to have everyone; and out of everyone's apartments mine had fit the bill.

The only good thing to come out of that was that I got some major bargaining leverage with Kat to agree to it, and I had control over certain aspects.

Like vetoing any fucking gaudy and obnoxious decorations, telling everyone there wouldn't be any stupid Santa based games, and I would throw anyone out on their asses at the drop of the hat if they were doing something I didn't like.

The downside was that there was way more people in my personal space than I felt even remotely comfortable with. I got saddled with making the turkey and roast. And I hadn't been able to get away from decorations or party games completely.

Mar had gone to Jester and Cass and came back with a wood cut out in the shape of a Christmas tree with actual lights and decorations hanging from ' _branches_ ' made from hooks and other things to attach them to.

The whole night was too festive for my liking, but Kat had been beaming more than the damn tree.

So, I did my best to not be a complete dick that night and let her have her holiday. My compromise was that the next day, Christmas day, would be just us with a late breakfast with Chase and Zach, who also brought Peter. After that it had just been the two of us though Zach had left us a number of holiday treats and a bunch of holiday movies to binge through. That night we both managed to come up with gifts to exchange, surprising each other since we hadn't talked about that before.

I had gifted Kat one of the newest Erudite wrist communicators that had a touch screen and several functions, like being able to store music on it as well as being able to message and get calls to and from on it. Along with that, I had gifted her wireless earbuds. I put in an order for one early on and had hoped to have it for her as a gift for finishing initiation. She loved it and being able to now listen to music while working out without having to worry about carrying around her phone and plugging in the normal earphones.

She loved it for that purpose, while I loved it because now I had a way to track her ass down should anything ever happen to her. It had a built in GPS program that Chase got set up directly after we got it that only we had access to. We also removed all the other programs that Erudite liked to bury in their tech.

Kat's gift had been a surprise and a reminder of that night on the roof when I had suggested I take her camping after she finished initiation. During a trip to Amity with Raze she had picked up some fishing gear that included a fishing rod sturdy enough to handle larger catches, tackle box, a set of knives designed for cleaning and butchering the catches, and a book that she had printed off from Erudite about fishing and the basics. The book was a smart-ass addition to the gift as it was called _Fishing For Dummies_.

I had a plan of keeping that date we made on the roof that night, but it would have to wait until it warmed up a lot more.

Chase and Zach were shuffling papers around, ready for me to acknowledge the inevitable. That I would need to approach Four and arrange for a meet up with Amar. I knew this had more to do with my friendship with Amar and how much his ' _death_ ' had affected me.

"Eric," Chase finally spoke up and called my attention to him. "We _need_ to start to get him used to working with you. You know the recent developments in Erudite and that the plan has just been put on hold as far as they are concerned, not canceled. We need more than just the three of us working to stop this. We need _him_ and _anyone_ he can get to help protect Kat and Tris if it comes down to it."

I nod with my jaw tight. "Fine. I'll approach him after New Year's about meeting up with Amar. One of you are going to need to be there though, because if it is just the two of us…" I trail off and left the rest unsaid.

Even knowing what is on the table and even with our sort of truce we have going on, I can't predict how the two of us alone will go over. Especially with the subject Amar on the table.

Zach nods in agreement, looking as if he has a solution. "We can all go, but it would help to get Zeke there as well. We are going to need to bring him in on this anyways as well, and the sooner the better. Besides already being cleared on the investigation he also knows about a lot of the crap we have been uncovering."

"Alright. That sounds like a better approach. Will you set it up with Zeke for him to bring him by the apartment? We know that is a secure place at least."

Chase looks surprised for a moment but then lets out a laugh. "Hey. We could say we are having a ' _guys night_ ' and doing poker or something like that." He shrugs at my dubious look. "It will look like you two are actually trying to get along but also won't raise suspicions. It will also give you something to tell Kat. Suggest her and the girls do their night together then."

That was something to think about. Most nights Kat was with me at the apartment. She hadn't _technically_ moved in and I hadn't pushed that, but she didn't fight hard when I would convince her to spend the night most nights. The one hard no for her was the nights she sets aside for spending with her sister alone but then also the night all the girls got together. On those nights I usually end up with Chase and Zach anyways, so it wouldn't be that far of a stretch.

 _No way would anyone believe I was the one to come up with that though._

"Yeah, I am going to have to say you deal with that ploy, Chase. No one is going to go for me suggesting that shit." I reply flatly.

"Done." He agrees with a smirk and way to quickly for my liking letting me know he isn't planning on it just being a cover but to actually have a poker night.

I shake my head and decide to pick another battle that is worth my time.

"Whatever. We got other issues to discuss. What are we going to do about that new simulation serum Erudite is close to perfecting?"

My brothers get serious and take on grave looks as we address the latest divergent hunting scheme Jeanine and my brother have cooked up.


	83. Parallel Lines

**A/N: Very sorry for the wait since the last chapter. I am still in the process of editing the entire story as well as trying to work on other stories and maintain life in general. I promise, I haven't forgotten Kat and Eric and I will see them through. As far as the edit goes, there will be some changes but not major ones. Mainly the edit is focusing on all the little things that have bothered me but I didn't know how to correct them at the time. For now, here is the next chapter! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: This is still V. Roth's ball of wax, my stuff's the pocket fuzz around the edges.**

* * *

 **Chapter 83 - Parallel Lines**

 ** _Kat_**

The setting sun is a beautiful sight in the January evening. Nights start early which means the sun is setting before dinner is being served in the dining hall several stories below me and in the heart of the compound.

I am supposed to meet my friends there for dinner but instead, I am out on the fire escape of my apartment, huddled into the blanket from my bed and lost in thought.

New Year's was three days ago and was the first that I've truly celebrated. Just like Christmas was the first holiday, period, that I've celebrated either. I got to see the fireworks up close and personal that I had to squint to try and catch from my window back in Abnegation.

Eric hadn't minded joining the party held out on the roofs to watch them and it had taken very little coaxing from me to get him to attend, but no amount of coaxing would have gotten him to try and attempt the party attitude the rest of us had. By now we have been in public plenty and as always he found ways to make it clear who I was with. While he didn't go overboard on the public display of affection, he also wasn't hesitant to pull me against his body and hold me close to his side when I wasn't goofing off with my friends in the time before the fireworks actually starting. He stuck to sitting with Chase and Zach during this time, who had no problems mingling with my friends, but Eric himself never really completely joined the group. Sometimes I would look back at him and see him watching me and everyone around me closely like he was on alert and standing guard. He would catch me looking and send a wink my way before resuming his watch.

The fireworks show was amazing up close and there was music playing that seemed almost timed with the bursts to capture the feeling the music induced. Eric stood behind me, pulling me against his chest with his hands holding me by my hips. I spent most of the display with my head laid back against his chest while I looked up at the sky and Eric spent it giving me amused smirks at my _oohing_ and _ahhing_ over the pretty shapes and colors the fireworks made.

It was the perfect way to end my first holiday season in my new home and with my family.

 _Family._

It is that thought, and word, that has me sitting out on these metal stairs in the cold of the night. I'm still processing the latest revelation in my life.

On New Year's Day dinner was hosted by Hana Pedrad at her apartment. Most of the gang was there. Shauna, Lynn and their younger brother Hector came along with Marlene. Tris and I were invited and while it was said we could bring a 'date' along, it turned out both Four and Eric decided against attending for one reason or another. None of that really surprised me. My sister and I knew our guys were hitting a limit of how much they could endure of each other with the holidays wrapping up.

The surprise for us came not only from Raze being there but also what happened during the dinner. Hana and Raze took my sister and me aside for a talk where they revealed that they are or were our godparents and have been since we were very young. I wasn't sure how to react at first. I sat there stunned speechless and left the questioning to Tris, and she had plenty of them. While I was too shocked to feel much, I could tell my sister was irritated and on the verge of being angry especially when she got their response to why we weren't told long before now.

 _'They had their reasons but you will have to ask your parents about them. All I will say is that if it had been left up to me, you would have known me as your Uncle from the start.'_ Raze replied flatly but I could see his own disagreement with having had to keep silent about this as well.

Hana had seemed more understanding towards whatever reasons our parents had but even she commented that she would have loved for us to know our ' _cousins'_ before coming home finally.

I finally snapped out of it to ask if Zeke and Uri had known only to find out that they hadn't either. Hana had given me a look and asked me if I really thought that Uri would have been capable of keeping that to himself all these years? The answer to that was pretty clear in the reaction once they were told directly after we joined the others. Hana made a big toast regarding it during dinner. To say their reaction was explosive is an understatement. An already festive atmosphere got turned up by ten notches at least.

Zeke spoke for both of them as he had both Tris and me pulled into side hugs. They already felt like we were part of the family and now it was just made official. Hana called us cousins but Uri and Zeke said they took a vote and decided we are their sisters. End of story.

I don't disagree. In fact, I know even Tris feels the same way. At the time, I got caught up in that feeling, happy to have such a deeper link to both of them. Since that day, Tris and I have met with Hana a few more times. In a way, it's like having a secondary mother here now, but that has left me feeling slightly guilty.

My relationship with Raze was always rather strong from the first. I look up to and respect him. I wouldn't say I see him as a secondary father but more like the uncle he named himself. I feel comfortable with him when I see others around me feeling unsettled.

It's always struck me as odd how others act around him, but then again, look at my relationship with Eric. He isn't exactly the kind of guy one makes nice with, much less tries get so close to.

Uriah is the exception. I think Uri has a death wish and have even told him so. Zeke told me that before I arrived he always made at least one or two attempts a year to befriend Eric but they have increased and gotten more outlandish in the recent months. I haven't told him, but I actually think he is wearing Eric down.

I didn't really understand how ingrained Eric's reputation is in Dauntless until I got first-hand experience of it living life by his side. Mostly people just look at us oddly, conveying that they don't get how I can be with him. A few brave souls have actually said that to me. Not directly, but whispered loudly enough that I hear it and know I was meant to be heard and never when Eric was even anywhere near close enough to hear them himself. Those are typically veiled warnings, maybe in fear for my safety? I'm not sure.

Then there are the women and their looks or catty comments, insults that made what Molly said in the past look like child's play. Don't even get me started on those and the lengths some women go to try and put each other down. It didn't make me feel better to know that I wasn't the only target of these kinds of attacks. I just can't understand them at all. But I really do try not to let them bother me but I can admit they do at times. It's hard to see how the person I love is treated and not be bothered and angry about it. It's hard to have to deal with the sniping of jealous people bent on tearing my self-esteem, that really isn't all that high, to begin with.

Then Eric will materialize like he has some kind of distress beacon set to my frequency and he just looks at me, like I am the center of his universe and everyone else can fuck off.

On the whole, I have a much better reception from our faction than Eric does. Raze is similar in that the majority of the faction is careful and intimidated by him. But where Eric is feared, Raze is respected.

I'm learning to accept the good with the bad and the days since the holidays have become even more significant for me, allowing me to celebrate one more connection that is making this place truly a home for me.

I've also been putting off reflecting on the how and why of my new family connection.

Why would my parents have kept something like that from us? Do I have a right to be upset about that or not? Because that's what I'm feeling right now.

Hurt. Upset. Disappointment. Guilt.

The negative is drowning out the positive and I'm trying not to let that show and bring everyone else down. It hit me all at once too. One minute I was at the apartment with Eric getting ready to meet the others while he was getting ready for a guys night, the next I just couldn't stomach trying to act like I'm okay. So I ran somewhere to try and deal with that but I know that at some point the others are going to try and find me and I need to do that before they get Eric involved.

Sounds coming from the apartment behind me have me turning my head and wondering how I was found so quickly and easily until I see who it is and a small smile creeps across my face.

 _Apparently, I am not the only one to be feeling some kind of way about this recent shocker._

Tris joins me out on the fire escape. When she came out she had an insulated mug for each of us in her hands, filled with one of the hot tea blends that Zach gifted us during Christmas. I take the one she hands me with a smile and inhale deeply. She picked one of my favorites that Zach called a spiced mandarin orange blend.

After she got seated she wrapped herself in her own blanket and we sit watching the last rays of the sun melt into the dark of night. We sipped in silence for a few minutes until she lets out a breath and breaks it finally.

"Did you know that Max was friends with mom?" She asks quietly and is staring off into the night when I look over at her.

I frown and shake my head slowly. "No, I didn't. How did you find out?"

She sighs and takes another sip before answering. "Max mentioned her once when I started my training for the part where I work as his assistant. It was one of the days we were having lunch together in his office and he made a simple comment that we reminded him a lot of her from when she was in Dauntless."

I nod slowly and take my own sip, digesting both the drink and the new information. "That makes sense, I guess. He isn't that much older than mom and Hana did tell us that was how she and Raze knew our parents to begin with. Then there was that time shortly after the end of initiation where that older woman approached us and said that she knew she could expect good things from Nat Wright's daughters."

Tris looks over at me and returns my wry smile. That's something neither of us knew how to take. It already felt like I've failed to live up to my mother back in Abnegation. I hadn't expected to come to Dauntless and face the same thing here. I know Tris feels the same, although neither of us has vocalized it.

"Yeah, but, from things he's said over the past month, they were a lot closer than that, Kat." She replies softly to me.

"How close?" I ask with a frown as my mind spins with implications and more questions.

She returns it and shakes her head as if she is shaking of those same kinds of thoughts.

"I don't think it's what you might be thinking, but who knows anymore? It's obvious we don't know our parents as well as we thought we did." She lets out a big breath that is more a frustrated sigh, then waves her hand as if trying to wave the anger away. "He said that he and his best friend Nate Pedrad, Hana, and mom were all really close once. He was even there when Nate and Hana got married and when the boys were born. Raze was too. But something happened and the group kind of drifted or were broken up. He wouldn't say what, but I get the impression that it drove some kind of wedge between the friends. Because of, whatever it was, he knew his place was in Dauntless and to become a leader, but mom decided to go another route. I think he regrets her leaving or at the very least losing her friendship."

I rub the back of my neck and shake my head in thought.

"So much we don't know about our parents before we were born. Who they were and what led them to make the choices they have. I don't want to be, but part of me is upset about that, Tris."

"I know. I feel the same way. Especially about what Raze and Hana told us." She replies softly.

"Me too."

"I've been thinking," Tris says with a sigh, her breath coming out in white puffs against the cold of the winter air. "Raze said that they had everything filed in Candor secretly. He mentioned not only the guardianship and them being made godparents but also wills. Wills aren't an Abnegation think, Kat. That's something the Erudite and Candor do. And why would they do any of that unless they were worried about something?"

I frowned and looked at her in thought. "Do you think it was because of Marcus?"

She was silent for a minute but then shook her head slowly. "No, at least not in the way you're thinking. I think that if either of our parents suspected Marcus of _anything_ back then that we now know happened, they would never have let it go. They would have moved heaven and earth to bring him down and fast."

I nod thoughtfully. "True, and this was well before the incident with the factionless, so it wasn't related to that either." I reasoned out loud.

"If it isn't because of Marcus then I just don't know what it could have been, but I think we're going to just have to ask them ourselves. I want answers and now is as good a time as any." Tris says with a shrug and looks at me expectantly and with a slight glint in her eyes.

"Are you suggesting that since both of our guys, as well as their minions, are occupied by poker night; tonight would be a perfect time to slip off and visit?"

She smirks at me and gives a small laugh. "You have to admit that it is kind of perfect timing."

I let out a breath and nod. "Yeah it is, but you _know_ that they're going to get wind of it somehow. They always do."

I look at my watch, the new one that Eric gifted me for Christmas that has all kind of nifty features besides telling time, and nod when I confirm what I see.

"We're going to need to hurry if we're going to catch the next one." Tris agrees to my silent assessment.

* * *

It was easy to make it to our parents' home without really being seen. Especially now that Marcus has been taken out. Because of what the investigations hinted at and the worries that it would cause turmoil in the factionless, Dauntless was given special dispensation to have patrols stations in the Abnegation sector. So it wouldn't be all that out of the ordinary now for two Dauntless to be roaming these streets.

Still, we aren't exactly following the rules here by seeing our parents before visiting day and we both know we need to keep things under wraps.

Getting out of the compound had been easy but still required the help of our friends. A text to Lynn had set our friends minds at ease once neither of us showed up. She also agreed not to tell the other two anything about what we were up to other than we felt like we needed sister time. I knew Lynn wouldn't stand for knowing what I was doing, she was protective like that, so I at least let her know the plan. The guys were occupied so that took care of them, and we decided we would tell them when we got back in rather than deal with that now.

It was around dinner time when we finally made it out of the compound and onto the train. We were pretty sure when setting out that our parents would both be home by the time we actually made it to the house. Our family's schedule had very rarely altered in all the years before we transferred but then again a lot of big changes have gone on recently. Especially for my dad and his new position, so we aren't for certain what we would find when we walked up to the front door of our childhood home.

It was a relief that mom answered the door very quickly at Tris' knock. Her surprise at seeing us both kept us out on the doorstep only for a few seconds before she was pulling us into the house and embracing us in hugs.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you both," Mom pulled back, looking us over again with worry after she had asked us if something was the matter.

"We're both fine if that's what you are wondering," Tris reassured her without going into why we originally headed to see our parents.

She's hesitating and I completely understand. I realize now that the feelings I had on the fire escape are being dwarfed by being able to be near my mom again.

"Is dad here?" I ask looking around with a frown, but I know that if he were, he would've already been here to greet whoever came calling.

She shakes her head while taking our winter stuff from us then immediately puts them on the hangers in the hallway. Tris and I automatically followed the routine of getting our boots off and setting them near the small bench that's made for shoes and boots.

It's odd seeing the thick black jackets hanging next to the grey here in the hallway.

"He should be along soon. There is a meeting that's running a bit over." She turns back towards us with wide smiles while Tris and I stand a bit awkwardly there in the entryway still. "I'm just about to start dinner. Have you girls eaten yet?"

I look at Tris as I shake my head and she answers for us. "No, we haven't yet."

"Well then, would you like to join us? I warn you now, it's just tinned stew tonight but I was able to get some bread done this morning before setting out."

I agreed with a smile and a waving away of what she felt was a meager meal. To be honest I look forward to it now that she mentioned it. It's actually one of my favorite meals in the winter. Especially in winter when mom seems to make it heartier by adding whatever she can to the pre-packed meal. There is no meat in the canned stew because that be a luxury. There are canned soups and stews that have meats in them but those are reserved for the other factions and factionless.

I never felt a lack because of there being no meat when there are large chunks of veggies and a thick stock that has the most flavor of any meal Abnegation eat. There are even potatoes which are generally not eaten until winter when they are used in lots of soups and stews to substitute make of for the lack of protein.

Because tinned stews are canned and not the fresh food Abnegation reserve to provide for all the other factions and factionless it is a very popular meal in winter among the faction. But mom always made it special by adding fresh ingredients when she could or even taking portions of our frozen chicken to add to it.

Not to mention her fresh baked bread that almost always makes it to the table on stew nights. And from the smell still lingering in the air, I can tell it will be her brown bread. I share a smile with my sister when I see her lifting her nose into the air and breathing in deeply then sighing happily.

We follow behind our mom as she led us to the living area then laughed when Tris and I both spoke at the same time to make the offer to help in the kitchen. She waves the offer away, still chuckling.

"I'm just going to put the water to boil for the rice. The rest won't take long and I can get us some tea going in the meantime. You two take a seat and warm up." She calls over her shoulder as she disappears into the kitchen.

I look around the familiar living area as I take a seat at the table where our family shared meals together. I feel a rush of feelings that seem to be all tangled up. It isn't so much that I miss this place and that has me feeling guilty.

Overall, the thing I am feeling the most is a relief and I guess nostalgia about all the small things I've forgotten about or taken for granted. But now that I'm here I'm being bombarded by them. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I just absorb it and relish in the comfort that I find in this place.

The fact that there is still that feeling for me here makes me feel on the verge of tears. So I close my eyes against the sadness and just stretch out my senses to soak it in, identifying each thing as I do.

In the kitchen, there is the sound of the sturdy but aged kettle that we use to boil the hot water for not only our tea but the instant noodles and soups Tris and loved and hoarded when we could. It gives off a faint whistle as the release of air and steam let us know it's ready.

The warmth that comes from the thick-walled wood burning stove in the living room. It is faint but the crackle of the fire inside can be heard in those moments of absolute stillness. I used to curse that clunky monster, hating having to keep it stocked in the dead of winter but knew that if I didn't the house would plunge into coldness and there wouldn't be any hot water for our use either. It never seemed to be enough but now I can feel it warming me from the outside in and not even the faint smell of woodsmoke can deter that feeling.

On the table sits a wooden platter that has an assortment of things all used in our tea, some of them we considered special occasion items. Lemon and honey waft on the air, refreshing in their combination.

I run my hand over the wood table, feeling the many marks on its surface and trace the larger ones with my fingertips and eyes. This table wasn't always ours but I know most of these scuffs and scrapes intimately, having caused quite a few of them myself. It, like almost everything we owned here, wasn't new. It had history and stories behind them.

I wonder now as I look at it if some other girl came to see the same things I'm seeing now.

That inside of this house, despite the bleak colored walls and furnishings, there has always been color and life. I've just forgotten that it has never come from what we _had_ or were _allowed_ to have, but from the life of those within.

There was so much life that I seemed to have forgotten but remember vividly as my mother places familiar mugs in front of us, brushing each of our cheeks faintly as she passes. There's a soft smile on her lips and a dimple right at the edge of her mouth that gives her such a mischievous look. Something my sister shares with her and that I always wondered if I did too.

She still has the sparkle in her eyes that was always so expressive. Letting us know without words that we are loved. I soak in the quiet comfort of her presence as she takes her own seat at the table with us, allowing us the moments we need to take it all in and find our words.

"We have so much to talk about," Mom says with both hands wrapped around her cup of tea as she looks between the two of us. "I know that something brought you both here so late and in the cold, and I know that it's important, so we will save that for when your father joins us." She pauses and takes a sip from her tea, allowing us to acknowledge that request then her lips tilt in a small knowing smile and her eyes take on a slight twinkle that shows us the free spirited side I knew so well when I was younger but never saw it for what it was. "I want to hear all about Dauntless and your life there so far."

The tone, which is almost conspiratory, and the look in her eyes have me letting out a small laugh before I let my own excitement burst from me. Tris helps me in trying to explain our holidays as the starting point. We both try not to talk over each other while telling stories of us in the kitchen trying to make holiday treats or how our friends crowded in there with us making a nuisance by trying to help or just laughing at us being like giddy little girls on our first christmas. Which is what it was for us and when they realized this, it seemed to infect them too.

During this, mom exclaims in joy right along with us seeming to be just as delighted about the experience as we are and I begin to wonder how I never realized that she had and still has Dauntless in her soul.

* * *

 ** _Eric_**

' _Poker night_ ' is in full swing but not a fucking bit of a poker game is being played. That didn't mean a good portion of the night I haven't kept my poker face on. I've had to keep it on with having to sit across from Four. Add to the fact that Uriah Pedrad's presence was unavoidable and the first portion of the night has been a pain in my ass. The younger Pedrad looked like I kicked his puppy when I barked out at him that there was no fucking poker game being played after he whined about it for the third time within the first thirty minutes of getting here.

I might have been a little harsh but I was alone with him since the others hadn't gotten there yet. Still, it hadn't taken him long to lose the pout and launch into excited chatter about anything and everything that flitted into that mind of his, and anytime he actually got a response from me it just spurred him on.

Once the others did arrive, the first bit of the night was spent in having a dinner of pizza and beer. I guess Zach thought that a few beers should mellow me and _Tobias_ out a bit.

Honestly, that's probably the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. As we drink and eat, Chase takes it upon himself to update the other two, Uri and Four, on a few things.

Namely that this shit with Marcus is far from over. Details couldn't be gone into but enough could be said that we're laying it out for the former Abnegation on what we're seeing with his old faction.

"So, you want what from me?" Four asks in a guarded tone.

I exchange glances with Chase and Zach then try to bottle my impatience with his playing stupid as I take a calming breath.

"Look, Four. I know about two people from your past that are supposed to be dead that aren't so dead." He glares at me and I see Zeke put a hand on his shoulder squeezing hard and preventing him from saying anything until I finish. "If you noticed during the trial regarding Marcus, _she_ was never mentioned despite my having this knowledge. There was a reason for that. Well, a few reasons." I mutter before clearing my throat and continuing. "We could have brought her in but we didn't. I'm sure you already know the main reason we didn't go that route and I'm not trying to deny that factor at all. It wasn't just because of her though. I know from Kat that she is in a difficult state of health and bringing her in could have hurt not only her but also the case to even attempt it."

I pause and let him soak that in while I congratulate myself on the absence of the veiled threat every instinct in me is urging me to use against this man that I still can't see as anything but my enemy. I don't know if that occurs to Four, my effort to not use this as leverage against him because I can almost see him having to visibly reign himself in from responding in the way I know he wants to as well.

"The other person, Amar, is another thing that could have been brought up before now that hasn't been."

At this, I see Zeke and Uri's eyes widen a little bit while Four shifts uncomfortably while avoiding looking their way. Zeke looks at all of us with a glare before someone speaks up off the anger I know he's feeling just as much as I did when I saw the older man on that monitor.

"Yeah, we were all surprised about that." Zach vocalizes dryly. He had been just as upset to find out about Amar being alive and why he had to leave as me and Chase. "Just to clear things, Zeke. That was just a recent discovery for us and with everything going on we weren't even sure what to think of it ourselves. We don't know how or why but we hope to find out soon."

Four bristles at this but Zach's tone and glare shut him up as my brother turns his eyes on him and points a finger accusingly. "As for you, Four. Don't think it's escaped our attention that you knew this entire time but it still didn't stop you from laying the blame for his death at Eric's feet. For your information, none of the leadership had anything to do with Amar being attacked. We were just as surprised to find out that is what resulted in him leaving and the fact that it wasn't the first time. The three of us have dug as much as we can and there was no order given to anyone here in regards to Amar. In fact, it was pointed out recently by Max that nothing was ever proven about his divergence and we, as a faction, refused to hand him over to Erudite."

The button had been pushed and I braced myself.

We knew going in that we weren't going to be able to avoid the divergent shit anymore. All cards are going to have to be laid out on the table which is why, when Chase said Uri was needed tonight, I didn't protest. 'Cause I know Four isn't going to be able to resist throwing out my involvement with Erudite and divergents. At least what he believes to be my involvement, which has a good measure of truth, but is mostly bullshit or exaggerated as well.

And as predicted he does.

"Doesn't mean that certain people don't find ways to get around official orders, does it, Eric?" He sneers at me coldly.

My jaw tightens but I don't answer. I was instructed not to answer as my brothers have already planned for this.

"Uriah." Chase nods to the younger man as a prompting of whatever they already worked out.

He swallows when his older brother looks at him in concern and surprise.

"I got Dauntless and Amity on my aptitude test," He admits quietly.

Four stiffens and looks at him with a frown but Uriah just shrugs and continues his explanation. Ignoring the wary and mistrustful looks being sent in my direction from Four that is probably meant to keep the younger Pedrad from saying more. "I didn't think anything of it because at the time I thought, when is that ever going to come up again? I didn't think about the sims until I went just before that stage was set to start. Chase recognized it, though. He took me aside and helped me to try and get through them without changing the sims or doing anything to let my divergence show. There was one time, in the beginning, that I failed and I changed something." He stops and nods in my direction. "I was freaking out until he told me to calm down and that he would get Eric to erase it but to make sure it didn't happen again. He said that we all had to be careful because there was already suspicion that there weren't any divergents turning up."

It's quiet as the other two processes this and Uri waits for his brother's reaction. While Uri is watching his brother, I'm watching Four and seeing the struggle play out on his face. He doesn't want to believe anything his friend's young brother is telling him when that information paints me in any kind of good light.

"You mean, there was a chance you would have finally out of my hair and where you belong on the funny farm and you didn't take it, bro?" Zeke asks with a goofy grin as he slaps his brother on the back of his head playfully.

Uri snorts and shifts away from his brother with a laugh. "And miss out on the cake here? Not a chance."

"Why?" Four breaks the lightened mood with a gritted out question, his dark blue eyes trying to rip the truth from me. "Why them and why now? Do you really even care or is it all just for…." He trails off, leaving the rest unspoken, still glaring at me.

Silence is what greets him in response. I know the others are holding back because they know Four and I need to get this out of our systems now. I also know what I need to do but I don't know if I can. I don't think I am anywhere near ready to set aside all the years of bad blood between us and admit anything to this asshole, but I don't really have a choice. If

I probably take entirely too long before I make myself answer.

"Initially, yeah. I'm not going to try and sit here saying that everything I've done and will do isn't for her. To keep her safe. I won't even try to lie and say that almost everything else is a secondary thought for me if even that. I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I'm selfish and know it. I'm not a saint and sure as fuck don't do things out of the goodness of my heart. I make no apologies, excuses, or hide from any of those things. However, you know nothing of what made me this way, Four. You know nothing of what motivated me and kept me motivated to do what I thought was needed for this city and our faction. You've only ever seen that my actions are those of some kind of monster rather than a man trying to do what he thinks is the only way to save his city."

My ears are getting hot and my fist is clenched so tight my nails are cutting into my skin as I speak. I don't know what the others see in my eyes while I'm talking because my eyes are locked onto Four's while he tilts his head and wrinkles his brow, making me think he's actually listening to me for once.

"I'm not going to cry on your shoulder and whine about my past and or go into what happened. But I will say this much to all of you. Every single one of us sitting at this table has more in common than we would've ever thought or admitted to before tonight. Every single one of us has lost someone to the corruption in this city and even though they might not seem to be related, they are."

The air is thick with tension and the seriousness of the situation now. I nod to my brothers and let them know I'm done.

"Zeke. Uri. There's information you don't know about how you're dad died." Zach broke through that tension as he started laying out the ways we are connected. Ways we didn't know about until we really started looking at things with different eyes ourselves.

"I know you're aware that it was something to do with the factionless, but not the details. I don't know that your mom even knows, really, so don't think that she's been keeping this from you." He watched as Zeke moved closer to his brother and gave a nod in response. "Your dad was killed by factionless trying to raid stores in one of the warehouses that Abnegation are in charge of. That particular one housed, what we know now; older weapons, makings for ammunition and other things like that. They were stored there to be refurbished or repaired by Erudite. I know the documents were sealed and you never got more details, but the factionless used some of the ammunition along with some put together detonators and explosives to try and get their way out. Only it backfired on them. In the process, it killed not only them but also several other people that were on site when the entire building went up. There were some Erudite and Dauntless there that day too, and your dad was one of the security detail escorting the Erudite. From what we have been able to gather from those records there were some suspicions that could never be confirmed that this was actually a planned attack, possibly even assassination. This was mainly suspected because of the fact that it was a scheduled and planned visit. One that was openly known and discussed in council meetings at the time. There were some arguments and disagreement but in the end, it was pushed through. The suspicion was that it was Erudite who was actually being targeted even though the larger number of victims were Abnegation, Dauntless and even the factionless that were working there as well as though from the attack. We've since had some indications that there might also have been cause for Marcus to arrange for it with it being an inspection of the stores at that warehouse."

"Why would he have arranged that?" Uriah asked angrily while Zeke was quiet and had a look in his eyes. Not surprise and almost like he already started to connect things together himself even before Zach laid it out.

"In our investigations, we've found several areas where supplies have either gone missing or been done incorrectly, and it all leads back to Marcus knowing and trying to cover for it. Some are even put down to factionless break-ins but nothing was ever pursued in an investigation. Because it wasn't required to be reported to Dauntless by then we never had an idea these things were going on. Around that same time, several changes were pushed through and all by Marcus. That was one of the first changes made to the control Dauntless have over the factionless. What is required to be reported by Abnegation to the council and Dauntless and that specific change was made shortly after the death of your father."

Zach provided this detail and let the brothers process it before Chase continued. "I'm sure you are wondering about the rest of us and how we could possibly be linked to this. If you don't remember I came from Candor and so did Zach the year before me. For us, it was the loss of someone I considered a part of my family. She was actually his niece. I won't go into the details, but it should have never happened to begin with. When it did happen, nothing was done to find or punish the people that brutalized her. Again, that was down to Abnegation and their refusal to allow the matter to be investigated properly." He paused in speaking. Even saying that much was still painful for both of them. He looked back at the others but concentrated on Four. "The difference between our situations, and for Eric's own loss, there was a different element added that made it more than it just being a random factionless. That is wasn't just by chance that the people we loved were killed in another attempt to terrorize the city."

I keep my eyes on my gripped hands and stay silent. That silence is broken by Four's voice as he puts it all together.

"Divergents." It's so quiet at first I don't catch it the first time until he says it again, more firmly. "You think that divergents are behind all of that?"

"That's what we were told and what the evidence we saw at the time pointed to. I'm still not convinced there aren't some divergents that are involved with things. But, do I believe that _all_ divergents are out to destroy the city and our factions? No, I don't believe that anymore. Still, there is something going on with divergents that make them so fucking important that we are even having to have this kind of discussion at all. What that is, I really don't know at this point but I plan on finding out, just not right now. That's not what this purpose of this meeting is about." I admit and try to keep my tone as devoid of emotion as possible.

"So, my question is still the same. What do you want?" Four mimic's my tone with his answer.

"First, I need to meet with Amar. I need to find out anything he knows about what's going on or has gone on here in Dauntless. We have people that are obviously in the Marcus' pocket; as shown by the attack on Kat while in the compound. We all know now that Dauntless leadership had nothing to do with Amar's death. But we don't know who if anyone Erudite might have here that ordered it or just did on their own. We need to know these things if we are going to protect Kat and Tris. Or anyone else for that matter. That's the first thing. It isn't just Abnegation or Erudite that's corrupt. Dauntless is too, and we can't begin to take care of the others until we get us sorted first. After that, we can work on figuring out the shit with the factionless and divergents."

At first, I don't think he's going to agree to, or with, any of this because I'm involved. I know it's taking everything in me to keep to the course instead of just saying fuck it, for the simple fact that it's him.

Whatever battle he waged inside of himself never showed before he gives a simple nod and answers. "I'll arrange it."

"Soon," Chase puts that out there with a relieved undertone and looks at me.

* * *

 ** _Kat_**

I don't remember a time, at least not since I was very young, that I've laughed as much and felt so free in talking to one or both of my parents as what I am experiencing with my mom and sister tonight.

It started out with both of us trying to put into words the freedom we feel at being able to do different things in our new home. Simple things that everyone else there seems to take for granted but that we always tend to marvel out, though we are getting better.

I know I hesitated to do this at first. Feeling like I might be criticizing where I come from and how my parents have chosen to live, but mom somehow seemed to know and waved all of that away. Reassuring us both by saying, that while she did make the choice to live this way she also remembers the feeling and understands. That she's even excited for us as well.

After that, we took turns describing our experiences covering a wide range of subjects. Some of it was considerably 'girly' in nature and that led to very different and highly awkward conversations. Ones that left us blushing or laughing….sometimes both at the same time.

I guess it shouldn't surprise us that mom would end up feeling the need to give us what she called, ' _the talk_ ' after two names kept coming up in the recounting of our lives now. It wasn't hard to figure out what those two men had come to mean to us.

I don't know what I expected of the talk, really. It hadn't been an easy thing to admit to her, that I'm with someone intimately when I grew up being taught that things like that were reserved for married people. I guess it wouldn't have been easy no matter who the person was, but that it's Eric and knowing how my parents spoke of him before I transferred made me tense.

While my parents didn't speak of him in the same way, or at all, Tobias Eaton was not someone that had been looked on kindly in our home after things with him happened. No, neither of us come out and say that Four is Tobias Eaton but it's known and I can tell my sister feels the same as me.

Once again my mom surprises me by taking it all in stride. She even laughed and said that she suspected as much from how we were acting on visiting day. Then she said something that floored me.

"Actually, Kat." She looked at me with a smirk. "I already had an idea before even seeing you about you and Eric."

I almost spit out my drink of tea, wiping my mouth and looking at her confused. "Unless you've developed some kind supernatural talent, I don't see how that's possible."

She laughs and shakes her head. "I didn't think he told you but Eric spoke with your father at one the first council meeting after initiation started. This would have been before visiting day if you are wondering."

"He spoke with dad? About what?" I asked with wide eyes, trying to imagine my father and Eric speaking outside of the few times I've seen them in the past few months.

She shrugs casually with a small smile. "I'm not sure what he intended when he first approached your father. I gather from him retelling me about the encounter it sounded like some kind of fact-finding mission. It turned into something more and by the end of it, Eric stated his intentions."

I snort in disbelief, still trying to wrap my mind around what I'm hearing. "His intentions!"

Tris slaps her hand over her mouth and laughs into at my shrieked words. I elbow her with a scowl.

"Yes, your father was torn between being upset and amused about it. Considering that Eric also," she pauses here and tilts her head as if searching for the words, "hinted would be the best way to describe it. But he hinted that we should make an effort to be there for visiting day for you two."

"He did?" Tris asked when she saw I had no words. My mortification from the meeting between my dad and Eric and what I imagined playing out was slowly ebbing at what she was saying sunk in.

"He did." She replied with a soft smile and continued to tell us more details about the meeting rather than just teasing me.

It did seem like Eric was on some kind of fact-finding mission at first when he and dad started to speak but she also believes that it turned into something more. He never said why but something the two men discussed had relieved guilt and other unresolved feelings he was having about us leaving. In fact, from the way she tells it, it was Eric's meeting with my dad before visiting day that convinced him he had been being unreasonable in how he was dealing with all of that.

"Was it so bad that we left, mom? Were you upset?" I ask with a frown after she relays the story in full to us.

"Oh no, sweetheart. I always had a feeling that you two weren't meant to stay with us here. Would I have wanted you to stay if it meant denying yourself where you felt you belonged? Absolutely not. That was one major disagreement your father and I always had." She says the last bit with a sort of sniff.

"Is that what he wanted?" Tris asks quietly.

"No, I know it seems that way but that isn't what he wanted at all. He just didn't want to lose either of you." She sighs and drums her fingers along the table while looking off into the distance. "You have to understand that when you were born, everything shifted for your father. From the first time I met him until now, Andrew has a tendency to be very single-minded and stubborn as anything when he sets his mind to something. When he transferred from Erudite," She looked at our startled looks and smiled softly, "Yes, your father was born into Erudite. But when he transferred, he did so with a mind to a specific set of goals that he wanted to achieve for the city and for that he knew he needed to work towards getting a place on the council. I wouldn't say he was power hungry exactly, but he was very laser focused and knew that to effect change he needed to work his way up as close to the top position as possible. We both had similar goals, to be honest, and when we married, we worked on them together in our own ways. All of that shifted for him when the two of you came along. _You two_ became his world and everything he did revolve around that." She paused to take a breath while I gave her a small nod of encouragement. "Your father was never very good about physical displays of affection or even being very vocal and open about the depth of his feelings even before we transferred here. That comes down to how he was raised himself there in Erudite. I've come to see that is a faction-wide trait in how they prefer to raise their children. I can also admit that both of us made the decision to try and keep as true to the faction ideals as we felt comfortable with but doesn't mean either of us love you any less than with our whole hearts." She looked at us both in turn, her eyes boring into our trying to pour the reassurance and certainty of those words with her eyes.

"We know, mom," Tris says with a nod and smile back to her.

"The day of the choosing ceremony," Mom's voice breaks and she looks away and wipes a tear from her eye. "It was so much harder on him than me. I'm convinced he convinced himself the power of denial would keep you with us. I don't mind admitting that we both had difficulties afterward in trying to accept things and had a few of our own disagreements. In that time, I got him to admit that your leaving brought up feelings in him he was struggling to deal with. The overwhelming one was that of feeling like a failure, like he failed you in many ways but mainly in squandering the chance to let you know exactly how he felt about you before you left us. Because he didn't know how to deal with that and he knew how much he hurt you both, he became angry. To the point that he even pulled away from me. After Eric's visit, he came home and told me that no matter what it took we would both be going to visit you, instead of just me. He used that laser focus to make it possible so he could see you two and let you know how proud he is of you, no matter the faction you are in."

Her story must have sparked something in Tris and I found myself listening just as earnestly when she asked our mom about how she handles arguments and disagreements. I know I was wondering the same but she added the additional question of if faction plays any part in how things like that should be handled between partners?

"I never saw you two arguing." I admitted sheepishly.

"We always tried to keep that away from you two by going to our room or having discussions when neither of you were home. It was never so much a faction dictate that had us doing that but more what we felt was best for the both of us as well as trying to limit stress for the two of you. You have always been such little worry warts."

"Why was it better for you two that way?" I ask her curiously. I didn't think it would feel so good to be having this kind of conversation with my mom, but it was definitely helping.

"Like I mentioned, your father can be stubborn but I failed to mention that I can be as well." She sighs and shakes her head ruefully. "I also have the failing of a very bad temper at times. Sometimes it was better to leave things until we both had time to cool down and try and actually talk without either of those things getting in our way."

Tris and I share a long pointed look before we start laughing uncontrollably, making our mother look on us in confusion until we explained as best we could without going into the major discussions we are saving for when our dad got home. We told her about the tension keeping secrets caused between us as well as Four and Eric. How that and misunderstandings led to a big blow up a fight that saw us almost ending things completely with the two guys.

Mom looked on in understanding and even shared our amusement that it looked like her two daughters got double doses of stubborness and every bit of her temper as well.

"I'm very proud that you both found a way to work through that. Not only with your boys but between the two of you. I saw you two drifting apart and I know that happens between siblings but it still hurt my heart to see it. Seeing you two now, I can't tell you how happy that makes me." She beams and the two of us and gives our hands a squeeze before letting go and settling back in her chair. "It sounds like those two have their work cut out for them with you two." She smiles softly at our looks and shakes her head. "Which isn't a bad thing. I agree that it is a good thing to take things at the pace you are comfortable with. But try not to let what you others might say influence what that pace is. You aren't saying it, but I can tell you might be close to becoming even closer to them. Am I right?"

I started to turn red at this line of conversation, and saw Tris was as well. "Umm...well, we both know they want us to live with them and if they had their way it would've happened from the start."

"It would have for me if we hadn't had that big argument." Tris agrees with a nod. "And while I didn't love that happening," She looks at me and smile. "I've come to be glad it did."

"It does give you time to come into your own. I had the advantage of that before transfer but I still needed time to adjust when I got here. It was hard at first, especially when your father and I just wanted to be together, but I became grateful for that time the faction required from courting couples."

We continued talking like this for several more minutes or laughing, joking and slightly embarrassing topics. But it was nice to know that we had our mom's support and even approval if and when we did decide to give in to Eric and Four. Considering we both knew that day was coming and fast, it was also good to know we can always come to her for advice, now that this door has been opened.

I had just told my mom about the time I was at Eric's and realized her had an entire section of the closet marked out for me with clothes in it too. They were both laughing by the end of it at both how I told the story but also at how clueless I was that Eric was going to definitely be looking at getting me living with him as soon as possible.

And that is the exact moment my dad decided to join the party. Luckily, he missed the actual conversation and just caught my mom and sister, laughing at me and my flushed, exasperated expression.

For a second, one that I'm ashamed of now, him coming home brought that laughter up short for me. For a second, I expected the look of disapproval I so often got from him in the past. The one that said I was failing him and the faction for any small thing I did that wasn't in line with Abnegation.

Then his smile and genuine happiness at seeing us registered just before he pulled us each in separately for a hug, and I knew we were going to be alright.


	84. Disclosure

Disclaimer: This is still V. Roth's ball of wax, my stuff's the pocket fuzz around the edges.

* * *

 **Chapter 84 - Disclosure**

 ** _Kat_**

"How long have you girls been here?" Dad asked once he was sitting at the table with us and has his own tea to warm himself from the cold.

"Not too long. It was just about dinner time at Dauntless when we left." Tris supplied with a small smile.

He nodded and sipped from his tea then swallowed with a grateful sigh. "This weather seems to actually be getting colder rather than warming up."

"How has that made things for you and the others?" I ask, genuinely worried and mentally make a note to check in with Evelyn and that group.

"It's been quiet. Too quiet to be honest," His brow is furrowed deeply with worry. "Which was a major part of what that meeting was about that held me up." He paused and weariness seemed to start weighing him down by the way his shoulders started to sag. "There's a proposal for Dauntless to be allowed to do more in-depth sweeps and not just limited to the factionless sectors. I honestly believe would be best for everyone. But there's a bunch of in-fighting and procrastination going on from other council members. The way it seems to be going right now, the weather will be warm before we see any kind of progress made at all."

Tris and I share knowing looks and twin scowls.

"I hear those same complaints when the leaders come back from council meetings," I say with a frown. Raze and Eric have both been pretty vocal, but then again they always are. Especially with those they consider friends or are comfortable enough to open up like that.

Eric has been complaining about the last few meetings pretty often, saying that there have been serious bullshit stall tactics coming from all the other factions whenever proposals are made to make very needed changes.

Erudite is using the ousting of Marcus as a platform to have a complete change in leadership of the government, favoring them of course.

Candor has some of their leaders that want it to go to them, saying that it only makes sense, as they are the ones in charge of the judicial system.

Others have been split between panning for Erudite or keeping it how it's always been; while Amity hasn't given any input in any regard to the proposals.

Eric said that as far as he can tell, Abnegation mostly wants to do what it takes to get the city back on track, but that doesn't include giving up control of the government. I don't know where my dad falls on that issue, but I want to find out.

Tris must have been thinking along the same lines and asked the question for me.

"What's Abnegation wanting to do about all the changes now that Marcus is gone?"

Dad quirked an eyebrow and swallowed his tea before answering.

"I don't see that it would be necessary for Abnegation to hand _complete_ control of the government over, and definitely never to Erudite. The other council members are taking on a wait and see approach so that we can all get a better idea of what kind of damage has really been done. A lot of that is dependent on various inventories and inspections that are still pending. However, I have always felt that what the city really needs is all of the factions having at least one representative that acts much in the same respect as Marcus did before by himself. He was the final say in all matters regarding the government and that was just too much power for one person to hold, never mind one faction. If we had to make a change of any kind I would lobby for that. I guess a ruling body of five people, one from each faction that would have the final vote on anything put forth by the council. The problem with that will be establishing how that person from the faction is chosen and then how the final say is proclaimed. It would be a lot of work just to get it put in place but I think if we really want to move forward, that would be the way to go."

"And it would be heavily supported if we could ever get it put up for a vote." My mom agreed firmly as she made her way back to the table to deposit the first two bowls containing steaming rice in one and stew in the other. A cutting board with the thick sliced brown bread followed soon after.

"We can only hope." Was the only addition to that conversation my father made before talk stopped.

Grace was said as we joined hands, and the food was passed around for plates to be filled. My mom has always been a ringmaster of sorts in navigating conversation at the dinner table. She was always mindful to keep conversation to topics that could be considered lighthearted and that we could join in on. She always jokingly said it was better for our digestion that way.

That's what she did now and allowed me and my sister to share some of the lighthearted things with our dad that we shared with her earlier. He surprises us with his humor at some of our stories and even interjects a few things of his own.

"I know being prideful is selfish, but I can't express enough how proud I am of the two of you," Dad says after dinner has been finished and we are sitting around the table companionably.

The mood shifts slightly at this new line of conversation, and I know I'm blushing at the smiles from both of our parents as they look at us. Still, as wrong and shameful as my former faction and upbringing might have made me feel about it before, I'm proud too and I have no problem sharing that sentiment with our parents.

"I'm proud of us as well," I say while looking at my sister and smiling. "We worked really hard. From the start, there was just so much going against us that I wasn't sure what would happen and if we could both make it. I don't know if you know, but there were supposed to be cuts this year and I was completely unsure of what was going to happen." I focus back on my sister and admit something to her. "I know I might have seemed overconfident and brash at times, but inside I was scared out of my mind and so worried," I admit with a shrug while looking at the table and rubbing my fingers against the wood idly.

"I'm sure it didn't help that you had so much weighing on your shoulders, Kat." My mom says as she places her hand over mine, then looks at Tris and repeats the gesture after reaching out to her too. "Both of you went into this with more than just the normal worries you should have had and I can admit that this was something we worried about as well."

"It didn't help that for our own reasons we couldn't confide in each other," Tris admits quietly while looking at her cup of tea. I nod with a small sigh that she hears and looks up to catch my eye then gives me a small smile. "But we worked through it and I think we now have a stronger bond because of it."

I bite my lower lip and nod as I tear up.

"Well, I'm glad you both have each other at least." My dad says after he clears his throat. Clearly trying to refrain from getting too emotional.

Now that I know about him being from Erudite. Now that I've met and grown close to Eric, who is much the same. And now that even my mother has confirmed this all for me, I can clearly see his demeanor for what it is and I have true regret for every time I mentally might have lost patience or felt anger at him for it.

Despite this, I know we need to get to why we're here tonight. Time isn't on our side when I don't know how long the guys night will hold Eric back from trying to check on me in some way. Not to mention Peter being a wild card currently. He wasn't with the guys but he also wasn't going to be with the girls either, so who knows if he will discover I'm not there and if he will go to Zach with that knowledge.

"We also have our family," I state softly and share a look with Tris, who gives me a nod. That gives me the confidence to continue. "We found family there that have really helped us through this, been there for us."

Mom and Dad look at each other and dad sighs before he nods. "I'm guessing you two are here to ask about Hana and Raze?"

My sister and I nod at the same time in answer but I also do so vocally. "Why didn't we ever know before now? Was it because of Marcus?"

It was my mom who answered us after covering my dad's hand on the table and giving it a gentle squeeze. "No. There were a few reasons, but it was mainly because of something that happened years before then. It was actually how your dad and I met. You're both aware now that I was Dauntless and he was Erudite. While we were in the same year and shared classes together, we never really interacted with each other."

She paused, and in a rare show of affection or support, my dad entwined his fingers with hers with the hands that were already together on the table.

"Things with the factionless have always been tense but before we transferred and when we were still dependents ourselves, they were very unstable. For a while, there wasn't a week that went by that there wasn't a report about factionless attacking or causing some kind of trouble."

I can see the strain their faces as she starts to tell us these things and I can't help the shudder I have imagining them myself. I realize that like mom, Tris and I can see it from the Abnegation and Dauntless points of view, and it is not a pretty picture she's painting already.

"But, it wasn't just things with the factionless that were unstable. The fighting and hostility between the factions started to spiral out of control and the factions communicating or just blaming each other, as well as with factionless. Erudite started their vying for control for the first time in the cities history. It wasn't just more say in the government that they wanted like in years past, they wanted all the control. I can admit, with good reason from their point of view. It came as a response to the fact that the most violent or aggressive of the attacks seemed to all focus on them. In truth, they did, but they also hit Abnegation and Dauntless just as hard. With faction relationships so deteriorated, no one could agree on how to handle things. Dauntless was stretched thin just trying to keep up as it was and then the tensions started to really rise and took to the streets with faction members getting into altercations right on the streets. Amity's visiting Candor or Erudite were just as much a target as an Abnegation in Erudite."

She stopped speaking when I held up a hand, almost as if raising it to be able to ask a question but really I was just trying to process what she said and raised it unconsciously. But since she looked to be waiting, I asked the question anyways.

"How is that even possible? Why would an Amity be anywhere near Candor or Abnegation in Erudite of all places?"

She nodded in understand and went on to explain.

"We weren't always so cut off from the other factions as we are now. When your father and I were much younger, the credo of _faction before blood_ wasn't enforced so strictly. Family members were able to have contact between other factions and there were monthly visiting days instead of just every three months like now. I can remember things slowly changing as I got closer to choosing and people became more wary of venturing into the other faction sectors as tensions started to rise. It wasn't until things reached a boiling point that all of that it changed to what we have now."

"A group of older faction members, consisting of members from all factions, started to meet. Most, but not all, had some kind of family relationship between them and that was really how it started. Friends and family coming together in those trying times, sharing their burdens. But it started to slowly grow beyond that, adding more people as the troubles started to escalate. They began to meet in secret to discuss the things going on in the city in more specific terms and to try and come up with something that could end the spiral the city was in. Their meetings, while not technically illegal, definitely were walking the line. Some people would and did consider them treasonous especially considering those meetings started to lead to plans. Because, in those meetings, it moved beyond musings and venting and it was determined that if there was going to be peace again in the city radical changes would need to be made."

Once again my mom pauses and reaches to take a drink of tea, her hand shaking slightly but for me, a thousand questions are begging to be let out even though I know her story isn't done yet.

"How do you know all of this?" I blurt out the first of those questions, not even bothering to hesitate like I would have before going to Dauntless. I do stop at that single question before I bite my lip so the others don't slip out in rapid fire.

My dad gives me a strained smile. "I think you two might have an idea of how we know."

"Someone you knew was part of the group?" Tris blurts out her own question.

"Yes." My dad replies sadly, taking over after a short shake of her head from my mom. "We both knew someone involved with the group."

"What happened?" Tris prompts our parents softly.

"Word got back to others that the group was making plans, though we weren't told the details on what the plans were exactly from those we knew. I'm sure now it was to protect us from being accused of being involved if they were found out. When the group was discovered, it was publicly proclaimed those involved had tried to attack and take over the government. The result was that the people, the leaders of these groups, were arrested and tried for treason. They were found guilty but there was a great debate and civil unrest when execution was the suggested punishment for them. I think even then not everyone could believe the people said to be involved were guilty of anything but there wasn't anything that could be done at this point to keep them from being punished completely. So, a compromise was reached instead. They were banished from the city. Sent outside the walls with a single backpack of provisions and belongings with the instructions that if they tried to re-enter, they would be shot on sight."

"Afterwards, many changes were made to the government and the laws we have to follow now. Communication between family members of different factions was all but cut off completely with the belief that was mostly to blame for what happened. Visiting days were changed to what they are now. Interaction between factions had already been fairly limited but it was even more limited afterwards to cut off any more collaborations. Investigations continued to find any other people that might have been involved and when someone was found, their punishment was the same. Banishment. By the end of it, over two hundred people were sent away from the city. Our borders and fences already existed before this happened, set up at the foundation of the city, but they were reinforced and guards posted to keep watch."

"As if all of that wasn't bad enough," my mom finally spoke up again in a tone with hard anger. "Erudite came forward with _evidence_ , that the people responsible for everything were more dangerous than they had first believed. The term divergent made its first real appearance during this time frame. They used data to whip up a frenzy of fear and used that to get permission to begin deeper _investigations_. They got permission to begin searching for and testing divergents."

"What does that even mean?" I shout in frustration and slap my hands on the table, mainly to keep them from shaking in fear. "What is divergent really other than just being resistant to serums? Which, by the way, isn't all it's cracked up to be and doesn't make someone invincible. It doesn't mean they don't have any effect at all on a person other than maybe dulling the damn things slightly. So what the hell kind of danger is that really when in the end we are just as susceptible? "

Tris reached for my hand to grab it and give it a comforting squeeze while our parents looked between us. My sister, they had known about, but me they hadn't.

"You too?" My dad asks softly. I sigh and nod in answer. "You didn't have an inconclusive test though. Anyone with an inconclusive or interrupted test usually is, but there have been cases where it was just a fluke or mistake made on the part of the tester. That was how we knew your sister might be divergent."

"I don't know what happened exactly." I start to answer with an exasperated huff. "The person that did my test said that it kept going too fast between the different factions, but in the end, Dauntless was the most common one and the one it seemed to go to first. So towards the end of the testing, she had to do something to the terminal that made it break, forcing me out of the very last scenario, and she told me it registered my result as Dauntless just before that. Even then she didn't say I was divergent for sure, just that she had a suspicion I could be. It wasn't until, well, it wasn't until I was hit with a few darts by some factionless during our capture the flag exercise and then how fast I recovered from the serums effects, that it was really confirmed."

They were speechless for a moment before my mom took a breath and nodded then shared a look with my dad. A conversation of some kind being shared between them.

"To understand how I know about divergence and what I am going to tell you, I need to tell you about my life before coming to this faction." My dad began to speak slowly and is it pained him to be talking about this at all. "Before I transferred to Abnegation and before the incident we told you about, I was part of a group of gifted children in Erudite. The parents of these children usually recognized their intelligence and willingly handed them over to the faction leaders to raise and educate how they saw fit. I never really knew my parents, although I knew their names and on formal occasions, they would pay visits or I would attend functions with them as I got older. Emotionally, I had no connection to them and they had no connection to me either. Emotionally, I had very few connections to _anyone_ in Erudite. There were a few of the other children that I was fond of and there were a few adults that I looked up to, even loved. One of them was my biological uncle. He was one of the people in charge of the gifted children programs. Because of our relation, he was forbidden from overseeing my specific group, but he made it a point to see and interact with me as much as he could without it looking suspicious. I wasn't supposed to know who he was to me. When I was younger, I didn't realize there was anything wrong with our relationship so didn't understand the secrecy. It wasn't until I grew older that I realized, with his help in seeing it, that the children were being groomed to put aside all emotions that would hinder their growth mentally and the ability to look at problems objectively without the nuisance of emotions getting in the way. Our lives revolved around intellectual pursuits, even in the very early years, rather than any real socialization or recreation. Sometimes it was made into games and competitions to engage our younger minds. Things that would keep us interested but also inspired fierce competitiveness between the children too. As we got older, we were allowed slightly more freedom in the subjects we learned and the projects we engaged in. They allowed us to pair up, guided by them of course, to become more social. These pairs would become arranged couples in later years, but at the time we weren't told that is what was being set up."

"Before the shake up to the government and the alleged attempted coup, there were rumblings about abnormalities, or potential abnormalities, in the people of the city. The term divergence hadn't made an appearance yet and wouldn't until a few years after the failed government take over. The beginnings of it though, came about from a thesis on genetics and their mutations from one very brilliant young girl and her partner."

"In it, they pulled from data dating back to pre-war times when the subject of genetics was still in its infancy. They paid particular attention to old data regarding how different peoples DNA mutated, that then manifested into various traits outside of the norm for people of their time. The mutations were various and could result in anything from a different eye, hair or skin color; to higher metabolism or tolerance for pain. The list of how they could all present in a person are too various and not all of them were benign, because some of them were indicators of diseases or potential diseases."

"It was this last thing, the potential to be able to detect diseases early on, that had originally drawn the attention of at least one of the pair. The boy felt that if they could pick up where things were left off by the scientists centuries ago, they might better be able to understand, cure or prevent those diseases we still have in the present day. But the girl saw something else, another potential, that would replace the entire tone of the project. It was quickly picked up instead by their guardians, teachers and many of the faction. Other projects were set aside and this became a high priority and high security. Research could only go so far using old data and it wasn't long before new data was needed, but the problem was getting it. The methods that would be needed were questionable at best, completely unethical and totally inhumane, at worst. So it stayed a secret project, only spoken about in certain circles of the most obsessed and fanatical."

"For years it stayed that way until those in charge saw an opportunity presented to them. An opportunity to use the events that lead to those people being banished from our city as the ammunition to point out an even bigger threat and provide the means to stop it. Divergence became the enemy because the real one, the corruption that was and still remains rampant, was being ignored."

My dad stopped speaking finally. His tone had gone weary at the end until it looked like I was seeing someone with the weight of centuries on his shoulders across the table from me.

My mom tightened her grip on his hand and faced us. "It was Erudite that put in the parameters for what should be normal or not in our behavior. It was Erudite and those led by that faction who put out the mandates that all citizens needed to fit into certain molds, all in the name of keeping the peace, when really it is a way to trap and control people. It was the founders that broke our society up into the different factions but it wasn't until recently that the idea a person should only act a certain way, the way their faction dictates, came about. Divergence, by the words own definition, is being different or developing in different directions. All the faction dictates, the rules about family interaction, the changes and upgrades to the aptitude tests; all of this has been to highlight anyone that might be even the slightest different."

"But why? Going by what you are saying, I can guess that my divergence has to be something to do with my ability to resist serums, but how does that make me dangerous?" I spew out in frustration and horror at what I have been told.

"It makes you different, Kat." Tris said sadly and with knowing. "It makes us both different and to them that makes us dangerous. Either because they don't understand what we are or are not capable of, or because they do and they want it, but can't have it."

I close my eyes and breathe in and out slowly. Trying to regain my calm. When I open my eyes again I look at my dad again.

"You were the boy weren't you?" It comes out as a question but there is a bit of an accusation to it as well. I can hear my sister gasp a little at my tone, or the question, I don't know which.

"Yes. I was the boy in the story and I have lived with the guilt from that among many other things for all of my life. It was also my uncle that was among those banished. Something that was in large part because of me and the role that was being asked of me to further what I started with a school child's project. He tried to help keep me out of the plans that were made to make me and my partner the leads in what was to eventually happen. I was horrified when I realized what had been unleashed and went to him. Despite all of that, it wasn't until he was arrested and sent away that I realized my disgust for Erudite and all it stood for. It wasn't until meeting others outside of my faction that I realized how indoctrinated I was. It wasn't until meeting your mother that I found the strength to break away and try to atone for my sins."

For years I knew there was something lurking behind my father's eyes but I had never been able to determine what it was. Then after the incident, he could never quite look me in the eye again or so I thought.

Maybe, it was really a mixture of both of us not being able to look each other in the eye?

Maybe the reason for that was because when we did, we saw ourselves and the guilt we carry within reflected back at us and we became too afraid to see that again so avoided any possibilities of it happening.

I see it now though, as our eyes are locked over the table, and I'm not afraid anymore.

I take a breath and nod slowly at my parents, in acceptance but also in thought. "I think there is more to this that you have to tell us and we need to know. No more secrets." I say firmly and look between the rest of my family. "This family has been burdened with guilt that isn't all of our own making but it's time to move past that. Events in the past seem to be designed to break us but we haven't and we won't." I look at Tris to see her nodding along with me.

"Kat's right. We can't continue to keep each other in the dark and if we want to be able to make things right, like I know my sister has vowed to do," She smiles at me briefly before continuing, "We need to know everything."

"That's a fair demand," My mom says and puts her hand over my dad's when he looks like he wants to object. "They aren't children anymore, love." She looks at him while speaking. "And you know I say this with no blame to you, but recent events have shown that despite our best intentions, we have failed in protecting them."

His shoulders starts to slide forward in defeat and his head hangs forward in shame, breaking me apart at the seams as tears come forward finally and I bolt up and over to him, throwing my arms around his shoulders. He tenses for a second before he shudders and reaches out to wrap an arm around first me then the other around Tris as she joined us.

I couldn't have spoken words if I wanted to through my crying but the three of us listened as mom spoke them for us, her hand moving between us in soothing gestures. Murmuring words of comfort and strength until some time later we were able to pull apart and resume our seats.

During this, mom disappeared only to return with a small black box that looked similar the lock boxes Eric has in hidden compartments of the apartment closet. His are larger and meant for storing bigger items and he uses them to house weapons of all kinds. He called it a fire safe because it is supposed to be tough enough to withstand the heat of fires and strong enough to take beatings. I only know about them because he showed me where all his weapon caches are hidden.

You know, just in case. As if the ones he leaves laying out in the open aren't enough.

Besides the smaller version of a fire safe, my mom also carries out an item that has me laughing in disbelief. She sets all her items down and holds up a bottle then indicates our cups of tea.

"I thought we could all use a little fortification." She says with a smirk.

I look over at Tris even while I hold my mug of tea up for her to pour a bit of the whiskey she produced from somewhere and see my sister staring at our mom with her mouth hanging open.

When I have my combination of tea and whiskey I lean over and use my fingers to lift her mouth back into place, causing her to snap it closed and look at me with a glare. It doesn't last long because she is soon looking at my mom while blushing and holding her own mug up for a dash or two of the amber liquid.

I take a careful sip and shudder at the strong taste that can't be changed by the delicious tea. It does the trick of warming me inside and I relax a little bit at a time. My mom is a smart lady, I decide giddily while I watch my dad drink his own mixture and see the tension start to ease from him as well.

He sighs, the sound still a bit wearily before he looks at the two of us, ready to begin again. "No more secrets between us but what we tell you next has to stay secret from anyone not in the family. Agreed?"

I hesitated, flinching even and feeling a slight bit of panic not knowing if I was going to be able to agree to something like that when it meant keeping something from Eric.

"Kat," Someone calling my name seems to come from far away at first, until I feel a firm hand on my shoulder, putting gentle pressure on it and look up to see my father looking at me with kind eyes. "Kat, I did say to keep it within the family." He repeats but this time he puts emphasis on that last word. "But you have to be certain that when discussing anything with them, there will be no chance it can be heard."

My breathing starts to normalize and I nod in response. "Agreed."

When I look at the table, I see the small fire box is open and on the table, there is now some kind of electronic device that is blinking a green light and a small bundle of paper sits beside it.

"Now that we've made sure that we can't be heard and you both understand, your mom is going to continue." Dad says to us while he gestures to the device that is steadily blinking it's a green light.

"The first thing you need to know, that you are already partially aware of, is that our city has cameras in most public places. What you might not be aware of is that they are in more than just public places and even more importantly it isn't just video feed that devices are capable of picking up. There are some that are capable of picking up audio feeds from great distances and other devices that are made specifically to filter all the sounds to be coherent. This device acts as a bubble, protecting against that. While we know by the blinking green light there aren't any listening devices inside this home, there are some on the cameras around this sector. This will prevent them from picking up our talk from here on in. While we don't know for certain that Erudite is still employing the use of those devices, they are what helped to apprehend those people we were telling you about before."

I let out a shaky breath and nodded while taking another sip of tea, larger this time.

"The next thing you need to know is that everything you have been told about the world outside our city, how it is mostly a wasteland and that we are the only people who survived the wars and diseases and other various disasters, is a lie. There are other cities out there, other people, and those borders and fences that were set up around our city were as much to protect them from us as it was to protect us from them."

Tris doesn't even make a comment that now I am the one with my jaw hanging open in disbelief. Maybe because she's right there with me.


	85. Uncomfortable

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. I hope has enjoyed the last two. Thank you those that have reached out and provided feedback. It has seriously been needed and has been a definite boost to get the next chapter out as quickly as I could to you.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: The tidepool is still V Roth's...**

* * *

 **Chapter 85 - Uncomfortable**

 ** _Kat_**

The sun is boring down on my face with relentless annoyance that's only matched by the rocking and jarring my body is being subjected to as something is hissing words beside my ear.

"Kat," I blink and look to see my sister bending down over me and shaking me awake. "You need to get up. Lynn called and said they're on the way to get us. They left a while ago, but I missed all the calls before now."

I blink again, confused as to what my sister is talking about then I get a good look at us, our surroundings and remember last night.

I groan loudly as I start to raise up, slapping a hand to my head to stave off the pounding. "I can't believe I got drunk,"

I can hear Tris snort from somewhere in what was once my room at our parent's house. "I can't believe we both did, and that our parents had to help us to bed to sleep it off."

"We didn't even drink that much!" I exclaimed loudly and then grimaced at the way the sound of my voice made my head pound. "Whatever that stuff was, it's nothing like they have in Dauntless."

I stand after taking the glass of water and a couple of aspirin she brought with her and see that she's now by the window looking out apprehensively. Then her words finally register for me. I put the glass down and bend down to pull my boots on hurriedly.

"Maybe we can get out of here before they get here?" I say with faint hope in my voice.

She sighs and walks towards me from the window. "Too late,"

Her words are proved true by the loud thudding of the door being pounded on.

"Shit," I mutter as I hear the door being answered followed by gruff voices.

"Kat, Tris…" My dad calls up the stairs. "You two might want to come down here."

"Do we have to?" Tris whispers from beside me. I look over at her and she looks at me before silly smiles start to grow on our faces.

I don't have to know what he is saying to know that Eric is growing impatient. I glance at the window briefly but dismiss trying to climb out of it. I'll have to face him at some point. "Let's go face the firing squad,"

* * *

 ** _Eric_**

Kat doesn't come home after her girls night. Not that I was really expecting her to, but I always hope that she will when she has these nights. It was one of the first rules established when we made up, and she's held true to that rule so far.

She calls them ' _sandwich nights_ '. I have no fucking clue where she got the idea for the title. I think she said something about some old romance movie Mar had them watch one time.

The theory is, having these nights completely away from each other will keep us from falling into some kind of rut or some crap like that. Also, that we aren't always in each other's spaces, allowing us to have our own lives apart from each other.

Honestly, I don't mind the spending time with friends away from each other.

I get that I'm, in general, not the most spontaneous of guys and I much prefer my own company over the idiots that populate our faction. So, I get there are things her friends do that I refuse to. In the end, it's a win for me.

She gets that shit out of her system and I don't have to be subjected to it.

What I mind is the fact that this includes her sleeping somewhere besides with me at the end of the night. Nights that usually end up with me finding reasons to drag out Zach and Chase sticking around, so that I don't have to attempt to get sleep that will just end up in failure.

That might be why I gave into Uri's pleads for poker night to actually happen. It didn't help that Chase was making comments that it might as well happen, seeing as he knew I would just keep them there anyway.

Four leaving for that portion of the night helped seal the deal.

Peter showed up around the time Four was leaving and took his place. Things didn't wrap up until Zach called it a night for him and Peter around dawn. Zeke left with them when he realized the time and that Shauna was probably waiting up for him. Chase stuck around to keep me company and helped me clean up the apartment.

"It went well," He said after sinking onto the couch and propping up his feet on the coffee table.

"Better than I expected," I agree and run a hand over my face tiredly. "The sooner we get that meet up, the better. The weather should be warming up soon enough and we can try and figure out where that other group of factionless have taken off to then."

"Did Raze email you about what happened at the Council meeting?" Chase asks, reaching for his phone to check for an update.

I reached forward to the table where I tossed mine earlier and frown at it when I realize it's dead. "Shit! Phones dead."

I stand abruptly and head to the charging station, hurriedly getting it connected and scowl when I realize it'll take a bit to power up.

I hear him chuckle from behind me. "Relax," He yawns and stretches then looks at me as I stalk my way back towards the couches. "She's fine or we would have already heard something about it by now. Enough people know that if they can't reach you, to get ahold of me or Zach."

I sigh and sink down onto the couch. "I know, I just hate when I miss her messages or calls."

"I thought you guys had a strict rule of not messaging each other on girls nights after _the incident,_ " Chase asks me with a smirk on his lips and his eyes twinkling in humor.

"I blame that shit on you and Zach. You could've taken the phone away from me. Especially after the first ten messages."

He full on laughs and shrugs. "Yeah, I could've, but it was funny as hell to watch you drunk texting and getting all pouty when she wasn't responding right away."

"Another thing I blame on you two. Why didn't you stop my drunk ass from going to find her after she stopped responding to me and turned her phone off!" I hiss at him.

It wasn't bad enough that I spent an entire night making an ass of myself in front of my brothers, much to their immense amusement, but then I had to do it front of Kat and her girlfriends.

My reputation took a serious nosedive that night.

Lynn still won't let me live that shit down.

It was the first girls night Kat had after the date where we truly made up and when she started sleeping in my bed again. The first scheduled girls night had to be postponed after Lynn, Tris and Kat had to accompany Max and me on a night patrol that couldn't be put off anymore despite the weather. It was a full two weeks by the time they were able to resume the night out for friends and during that time she was in my bed almost every night.

I was more than a little miffed she was going to be gone for the entire night instead of just going out and then coming back to me. My brothers came to my rescue and had the night planned, or so I thought.

I guess I can't blame it _all_ on them.

They did at least try and keep me in the apartment to drink instead of going out to one of the bars or something like that. It started out well enough. I messaged her a few times and she responded. Then the times between responses started to get longer and the drinks got stronger. I started to get frustrated she wasn't answering right away and then she just stopped messaging back completely.

Even worse she turned off the damn phone and at that time she didn't have the watch yet, so I couldn't even track her! That didn't go over well when I was so far gone drunk and I went looking for her.

It took Chase messaging someone else to find out where they were to prevent me from dragging my drunk ass all around the compound, making an even bigger fool of myself or doing something else completely stupid.

I found her in Shauna's apartment with all the girls. Shauna answered the door and I didn't give her a chance to try and tell me to go away before I pushed my way in.

Kat was there in an instant and not at all happy.

What happened next is blurry. I would love to forget what I do remember, but can't because Chase and Lynn won't shut up about it and like to throw it in my face often.

Apparently, I started out demanding Kat come home with me only to be told no and that she wouldn't be going anywhere with me like I was.

When my ordering and commanding her didn't I work, I attempted to try and sweet talk her.

Fuck if I know why I thought something like that was going to work because it for damn sure didn't work. Didn't even come close to working and to my sober mortification, I came close to begging her to come home and to bed with me.

Her response? She stomped her foot in anger and shoved me away from her while scowling at me.

' _Eric Devin Coulter, you get your ass back home and go to bed this minute. We can talk about your behavior in the morning when I get there for breakfast. I warn you now, another word out of you and I won't be there until lunch if I even come at all.'_

I do clearly remember the laughter after that, as Chase and Zach were dragging me away. Lynn lost her shit and collapsed to the floor laughing while Chase wasn't even bothering to hide his as he helped to drag me away.

The only one that bothered to save me from myself was Zach who quickly helped to keep me from saying another damn word and make it worse for myself. At least until he got me back to my apartment.

The aftermath is that Lynn will randomly use my full name, asking me if I'm being a good boy or does she need to get mommy to send me to my room.

 _Fucking Lynn._

I guess I say this out loud instead of to myself because Chase starts to guffaw and hold his stomach.

"Fucking Chase." I snarl and throw a pillow from the couch at him, making him laugh even harder.

"Man, that was some funny shit right there," He says in a fake southern drawl and I roll my eyes in response.

"So happy I can amuse you," I deadpan and let my head go to rest on the back of the couch.

I close my eyes, deciding to just rest them for a bit. If Kat holds true to how things go for us on these nights, she'll be home in a few hours where she will drag me to bed and we'll sleep for a few hours together before getting up for a late lunch and then spending the day together doing whatever we feel up for.

I sigh in pleasure at the thought of that, and swing my body to stretch out fully on the couch where resting my eyes turns into actually resting and sleep claiming me.

* * *

"They aren't there, Chase. I went there first before I came here. Tris didn't show up like she normally does and she wasn't answering her phone at all. When I checked their apartment, Lynn wouldn't say where they are, just that they needed sister time and hadn't gone to girls night."

Not ten minutes ago, he came banging at the apartment door demanding if I knew where Kat and Tris were. I was passed out one couch and I guess Chase had done the same on the other. It had taken a few minutes to actually process what he was saying before my friend let him into the apartment so we could figure out what the hell is going on.

Now, Four is pacing in the living room of my apartment, running a hand over the back of his neck and fuming, but in his normally bland way.

I, however, have a tick going at the corner of my eye while I pull up the app on my phone that will locate Kat and Tris with her.

"Lynn knows more than that, but good luck getting that shit out of her," I snarl in impatience.

"I know. I already tried to get it out of her and said that it was for Tris' safety. She brushed me off and snipped that she could do a better job of making sure her friends are safe than I could, considering what happened while they were staying in dorms I was in charge of."

I pause and look at him for a second and snort then shake my head as a pang of sympathy for Four hits me. Leave it Lynn to make me feel sorry for my enemy when I should be feeling amused that she took him down a few pegs.

The app with Kat's location beeps and I see Chase crane his neck to get a look. His lips are still pressed together tightly and he still looks angry, but it does seem to relax when he sees the location.

"Abnegation," He shares with Four as I let out a sigh and tuck my phone in my pocket then start grabbing my winter gear to change into. "You could just let her come back on her own." He offers with a shrug. "I'm guessing they went to see her parents. The holidays did just pass and she mentioned she was upset that they were all too busy to have been able to do the last visiting day."

I know he's right but there is no way I'm just letting her roam around out there by herself, especially so close to the factionless sector and Marcus' former stomping grounds. So his words fall on deaf ears and he knows this as I stomp my way to the door after I'm dressed, armed and ready.

I look over my shoulder to see Four following close behind and lock eyes with Chase. "Get eyes on the sector and make sure they don't leave before we get there. Update me when you have that done."

"Will do," He confirms, already on his phone getting things called in and set up.

Four and I walk through the compound in tense silence. Each upset we're having to endure each other so soon after last night but even more upset that our girls decided to go off on their own.

As we huddled into our jackets and waited the few minutes for the train to near, he broke that silence.

"Eric," He started out by calling my name and I knew just from the tone of it, hesitant and awkward, that something was up. "I need to say something now before too much time passes and I don't like I did after Marcus was found."

I don't respond vocally. I just lift my eyebrow and he looks away from me. Like even that much from me was sufficient to irritate him enough to not want to go on.

"I appreciate the fact that you didn't use my mom to bring him down, even if I know that it really was all for Kat; at least for you. That couldn't have been an easy decision and I don't know if the role was reversed if I would have been able to stop myself. Not just to use it against you, but also because I would have seen it as the only right thing to do to bring justice if that were anyone but my mom." He stops and looks back at me, the train rattling in the distance letting me know that it'll be here in moments and end this awkward as fuck encounter. "I also haven't thanked you before for you covering for me but more importantly, for not telling Kat and Tris it was my doing. I know I'll need to find a way to tell them what I did to Marcus that night and I will. I guess I'm just trying to come to terms with it myself still."

I grunt in response and give him a stiff nod but I can't stop myself from asking a burning question that has been plaguing me since I heard about the attack on Marcus. "Did you want to kill him?"

He doesn't answer me for a few seconds before he turns his head and looks at me dead in the eye. "The only thing that stopped me was Amar."

The train rattles closer and it's time for us to start our run to board, ending whatever else I might have wanted to ask but I think I'm okay with that. I can see what he was trying to do here and it's best to just leave it as is for now.

I stay standing and lean against the wall instead of taking one of the seats that are in this train car. I take out my phone and pull up the app that shows me Kat's location. Her little dot still blinking in the same spot as earlier, and I wonder what the hell she's up to now.

* * *

Kat keeps her eyes on her plate and scoops up another forkful of the spaghetti I made her for lunch. Things are still tense from this morning after retrieving her from her parent's house, and we still haven't talked about what went on.

Honestly, I probably would have bombarded her right there in her parent's house but her dad had….subtly….advised that wouldn't be a good idea, and that she would talk to me when she was ready.

To say I left worried would be an understatement. Especially when she couldn't meet my eyes and just seemed to withdraw into herself. She came home with me and we did the normal thing of trying to grab a few hours of sleep together. She didn't even pull away from me when I held her close while she slept.

But I didn't get any more sleep. Instead, I just held her and wondered what the hell happened to have her like this and afraid to talk to me.

I can't stand to sit here at the table idly, waiting for her to finish eating, so I stand up and grab my still mostly full plate. "Did you want some more?" I ask with my back to her as I head to the kitchen.

"No thanks," Kat replies meekly, making me grit my teeth and violently scrape the remains of my food into a container and then move to do the same for the food in the pans. "Thank you for making this. I know it's not your favorite."

I shrug noncommittally and put the plastic container of the leftovers into the fridge then turn to do the dishes but see she's already padded into the kitchen and started to rinse them off herself.

"I got it," I grunt and try to elbow her away but she just shoots me a glare so I back off.

All during the morning, when I was wide awake and laying there in the silence of my own thoughts, I tried to figure out what could be going on. My thoughts took me to some very dark places and that wasn't leaving me in the best of mind frames right now.

After I moved away from her, I realized I couldn't go far. I itched too much to reach out and hold her, but the way she's edging around the kitchen and still avoiding looking at me tells me that isn't going to be well received. It just served to give rise to the darkest of my thoughts, and it broke my silence for me.

"If you're going to end things, you might as well do it now instead of just dancing around the kick in the balls you're about to deliver."

The plate she was washing clashes to the bottom of the sink and I can hear from the sound it makes that it just broke. I don't give a fuck about the plate. All I care about is her and the way she whips around to face me again.

I let my eyes move over her, taking everything in slowly and wonder why she has to look so fucking beautiful in the moments before she's about to rip my heart out.

Then I get to her eyes and see a fury there that makes me gulp and straighten up as she approaches me slowly and in the way that reminds me of myself seconds before I strike in a fight.

"So, I need a little time to process a rather emotional reunion with my family and you automatically assume that I want to end things? Why? Because I didn't immediately throw myself in your arms crying and beg you to make it all go away? Because I wanted to deal with this myself and didn't need the big bad leader to make it all better? Well, I'm sorry to tell you Eric but I don't need to you to solve my problems for me. That isn't how things are going to work here. Maybe that's how you see me though, given things that have happened in the past. Like I'm some weak little girl that's going to need you to hold her hand for her and guide her along the big bad world out there."

She slammed her arms across her chest and stood just inches from me giving me a snarling curl of her lip, waiting for me to say something.

"So…" I pause and frown deeply while trying to figure out what's the safest portion I can touch of that little speech of hers. "You're _not_ breaking up with me?" I ask and want to reach up and slap my forehead at my less than an intelligent response.

She rolls her eyes and looks away but I see the snarl starting to curl in the opposite direction in just the slightest. "I hadn't planned on it, but I guess that will depend on the next several seconds." She replies dryly and looks back at me.

I take a big breath and let it out slowly then rub my hand over my chest on the left side. "I don't think you're weak and never have," I say firmly after letting my hand drop to my side. "And believe me, I know I can't make things all better for you or make the problems go away no matter how much that might kill me. It doesn't matter that I know you're strong, I don't and never will like the thought of you in pain or being upset."

I stop and watch her closely, seeing the fury starting to melt away as she nods slowly and the shiny glint of tears at the corner of her eyes lets me know she is hearing me.

"I don't want to push you to find out what's wrong. Which is why I kept quiet as long as I have," I leave out the veiled warning her father gave both me and Four as we waited for them to come down from the bedrooms, "but something is obviously wrong, angel. It's in my nature to want to fix it if I can, just as much as it is to wonder if I'm the reason for it to begin with." I give her a side smile and reach out slowly, letting my hands go to her hips and give a gentle squeeze as I pull her closer. "You've gotta admit that my track record in that regard hasn't been the greatest so far."

She sighs and lets me pull her fully against my chest, her arms going around my waist and burying her nose into the material of my tank top. I can feel the beginnings of wetness from her eyes through the thin cloth and wrap my arms around her, holding her firmly against me.

"It wasn't anything you did," She says with her face still pressed against my chest making the words muffled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her carefully.

She nods into my chest but doesn't seem ready to move from the embrace either.

"Can you talk about it now or would you rather wait?"

She sighs against me and slides her hands from my waist until they travel up my chest to push back slightly. She tilts her head up to look at me and is biting her lip looking at me seriously. Then she reaches a hand up to pull my head towards her and whispers into my ear.

My eyes widen and I jerk away then look at her to see she's absolutely serious. I nod and step back but take her hand then lead her into our closet. I drop it when I get to the right section, crouch and uncover the hidden compartment. One I hadn't shown her and can feel her stiffen slightly behind me. I look over my shoulder and shake my head then hold a finger up to my lips, reminding her to remain silent.

The compartment contains fireboxes like my others that have weapons in them but these boxes don't contain the normal weapons that I have in those. I leave one of them in place and take the smaller of the two before covering it up and moving out of the closet. I enter the combination quickly after I have it sitting on the table and whip it open looking for the small device and hitting the scanner before I even have it pulled out.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I see the blinking green light then hit the button that will jam any devices trying to pick up audio from outside of the apartment. I sigh and move everything over to the living room where she is, pacing slowly near the windows.

"Okay. We're all set." I say after sitting the box and the jammer down on the coffee table. "What's going on, Kat." She whips around and looks down at the box meaningfully. I motion for her to take a seat on the couch while I take my own seat.

"I showed you everything else, but what's in those two boxes aren't really things I even want to acknowledge myself having, much less worry about you knowing about them and what you're going to think about me for having them. I did say no secrets, though. The bigger one has some very powerful and dangerous items. Things that Erudite cooked up to be used in specific situations. Most of them are for...interrogation purposes. They're serums that can be used in different ways to get information from a subject. But, Kat, what they really are, are things to torture people. For example, one is called is an extremely modified fear serum that doesn't just take the person's worst subconscious fears, but actual things that have happened in their memories and corrupts them, turning them into things out of their worst nightmares. That is just one example of what the serums are capable of but really, when it boils down to it, they're all ways to mind rape a person and strip them so they are completely under the control of whoever is using the serum on them." I shrug and look away from her. "People call me a monster and if I were, then I wouldn't have any problem with using that shit. It probably would have made some of the things I've done a lot easier." I stop and shake my head. "No, not easier, more efficient, at least in the eyes of people like Jeanine and my brother. And they are right in some of those cases," I look up at her and see her watching me, listening closely. I look for judgment but I don't see any. "Would you understand what I mean when I say that there is using interrogation techniques….and then there is just outright torture for the sake of torture?"

I try not to let my eyes plead with her but I can't help it. She moves forward and takes one of my hands in hers and nods. "I have said before that I don't agree with some of the ways you go about things, and I still don't. Before actually getting to know you, some of the things…." She lets out a breath and shakes her head. "Then I got to know you and I saw that despite what people might say about you, you weren't doing it for pleasure or to be sadistic. So I can understand that much."

I let out a shuddering breath and grip her hand in mine. "I'll take that," I mutter and then we both look back at the box and the device on the table. "So I keep them locked away, trying to forget they exist but never really being able to. I can't get rid of them either because there is that part of me that if it came to it, I would use them. Can you understand that too? That there will always be this part of me that is capable of doing things only a monster is capable of?"

I refuse to look at her as I look away but she forces me to when she climbs in my lap and grips the sides of my head making me look at her. Her face inches from mine.

"I accept all the parts of good, the bad and the ugly, Eric. We promised each other that, didn't we? The very fact that you have these things locked away so that they won't fall into anyone else's hands but also keep them away from you, already tells me everything I need to know. I know you might not …."

"I trust you…" I object loudly, interrupting her. "I swear, I didn't tell you about them because that was how far I pushed them out of my mind."

She smiles softly before pressing her lips to mine. "I didn't think different once you explained, which is why I kept my mouth shut instead of assuming." She says after pulling away from the kiss and smirks at me, making me smile wryly and shake my head.

She shifts around and settles in my arms and on my lap then lays her head against my shoulder letting out a tired sigh. "I can't believe my dad drank me under the table." She whispers.

The sudden change in conversation throws me off completely. "What?" I ask, laughing and watching a grin cross her face.

"It's a long story."

I nod with a raised eyebrow. "Well, you got some explaining to do then."

She takes a breath and looks away from me, to some point on the wall in front of us. "We went there to talk to them about what Raze and Hana told us. Trying to figure out why they never told us and why it had to be kept secret. We also just missed them."

"I understand." I run a hand through her hair and wait for her to go on.

"We talked with mom for a bit because dad was still at the meeting with the council. It felt good to be able to talk to her again. It felt different too. Maybe it was because I went into it hoping that we could all talk honestly and openly now that everything I was hiding is out in the open? I don't know, it was just freeing. I got to see sides of her I never have before." She looks up at me, her forehead wrinkled in seriousness. "Obviously we know she was Dauntless after New Year's day, but I wonder how I never saw that in her before?"

I shrug and smile at her. "Because she was probably just as good at keeping that part of herself locked up like you had to."

She nods and relaxes against me again. "Anyways, we didn't talk about anything big, just about how Tris and I are doing." Then she inhaled deeply as if she just remembered something, and her eyes snap to mine. "Except for finding out a _certain person_ met up with my dad before visiting day. Did you really, state your intentions, as she put it?"

I flush and my ears heat up as I look away from her trying to figure out how best to answer. I decide the truth is best. "A man your father didn't trust and thought badly of approaches him and starts talking about his daughters in a familiar way…. he was always going to have a few concerns. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't try and pressure you into something with me. So I told him the truth, that I knew what I wanted but it would always be your choice and that whatever was going to happen would have to wait anyway."

She grins at me and laughs softly since we both know how that turned out. "Thank you, Eric. I'm not sure he would have come that day without your visit."

I kiss the top of her head and leave my lips there before nudging her slightly to go on.

"Dad came home finally and it didn't take long for us to get into the things she and I had been holding back on. I want to tell you about them and I will, Eric but I found out things that…." she straightens in my lap and grabs my tank in her hands and grips it tightly. "You have to promise me, that for now, this stays with just us. I had to promise them too that it wouldn't go beyond family. Dad stressed the word so I know he means that we have to be sure we absolutely trust the people we tell."

"You know Zach and Chase would never betray you." I defend my brothers with a scowl and she nods and lets go of the tank to run her hands over my chest soothingly.

"I know and we can tell them, but we'll need to take the same precautions we are here. Even Tris won't be telling Four until she knows she can't be overheard. So, I promised her if you had something but he didn't, then she could borrow it."

I frowned while taking her hands in mine and nodding. "Tell me what this is all about and we can decide together what and when to tell the others."

She inhales slowly and lets it back out just as slowly. "I thought when I was younger that I could actually make a difference. That I could make things right, make up for things I caused, but now I'm not so sure. That's what was wrong with me. Because, I don't know if anything we do will save this city from itself and….I don't know how to handle that."

She looks at me with tears filling her eyes. "It so much bigger than just Marcus and Peter's dad or the factionless, even Jeanine and Erudite. Those are just the symptoms of something that I can't even begin to try and unravel or figure out how to fix. I don't know how to keep everyone safe, Eric. _I don't know how to fix this_!"

She sobs now, burying her face in her hands and making my heart hurt with the despair in those cries. Her admission doesn't surprise me because I've been thinking the same thing myself since the start of the investigations. The more we uncover the more that it seems like we have an impossible task if front of us.

And I get how Kat is taking this burden on herself, thinking she's in it alone. I know, even with Chase and Zach, I've always done the same. There was only so much I could allow myself to put those I care about in danger. I know this is exactly where Kat's mind is right now, but that shit isn't happening.

"Kat, look at me," I demand of her, taking her hands and prying them away from her face slightly more forceful with how I am feeling but it does the job and my expression catches her attention more than my demand had. "What did we promise each other? That we do this shit together. No more thinking you need to be a one-person salvation army or whatever the fuck you call it. Neither of us has to do it alone anymore. We have each other. We have Chase and Zach…" I let out air through my nostrils as they flare widely. Trying not to let my feelings and mouth get away with me. "We even have your sister and _Four_ when it comes down to it. Do you understand?"

She nods and leans her forehead against mine when I reached up, fisted her hair and pulled her towards me, but she is still crying and it's killing me.

"Talk to me. Tell me what else is going in there," I use my index finger to tap the top of her head with the hand I still have twisted in her hair.

"My parents were telling me all these things about the city….and about outside the city...and…." She chokes a little and lets out a bit more of a sob. "I just, for a minute I felt so hopeless and wondered what I'm fighting for here. Is it worth trying to fight for this city? Do they even want to be helped? It just….it doesn't feel like it and I just…" she stops and grips my shoulders, holding on to them for support. "I'm just ashamed for feeling that way. For feeling like giving up. I couldn't look at you because I just knew you would see how much of a…"

I reach up as soon as I knew where her thoughts were taking her and put my hand over her mouth. Letting her hair go so I could look her in the eye. "Don't even say it. Don't even think it." I hiss out then exhale and pull my hand back from her mouth to go to the side of her face and frown. "There are things that I haven't told you."

Her forehead wrinkles when her eyebrows knit together in the middle. I can see she's working up to an outburst of anger, and I stop her from speaking. "Not to keep secrets but because we both have a lot of stuff on our plates right now. The investigation you're handling ties into one that the three of us have been doing on our own with information we have been compiling. There isn't anything solid, but it all points to this entire fucking city being dirty as hell in one way or another. I planned on telling you when actually had more information to go on but that's not what's important right now. You need to know that all three of us have had those moments, angel. Where we wonder if it wouldn't be better just burning this goddamn city to the ground and start out new. It's not being a coward to have those thoughts, wondering if it would be better to walk away. What's important is what we actually do and the reasons we do it for."

She calmed finally and after kissing me deeply I was able to get her talking.

She told me the conversation started about why they kept having godparents a secret. She and Tris wondered if it was connected to Marcus but that was quickly dismissed and they decided they needed to get answers from their parents.

Neither could have known what would be revealed. Honestly, it was leaving me reeling myself but things start to connect for me. I try to let her tell the story without stopping her, asking too many questions. I'm desperate for the full picture but even when I get the full story, I feel like there are pieces I'm missing.

When she is finished, I tell her my thoughts and that we need to get the others in on this too. She and I are too close to some of the things revealed and I need my brothers to help bring the perspective and insight I've counted on for so long now. I didn't expect her to object, especially after my earlier words, and she doesn't.

"I'll invite them over for dinner," I tell her while I hold her close in bed later.

Our talk had gone past dinner and we just stayed in by ourselves. The next day is an off day for us. I plan to make full use of the hours in between now and dinner with my brothers.


	86. Chapter 86

**A/N: Hi all! I know that some of you are aware I have been working on this story for, well a while. I started out posting when I had the story written and completed but that after editing along the way I have felt the need to do more. Some of this has been from feedback but most have been done so that I can hopefully bring across the vision I had for the story and the characters. Also, as a writer, I am always trying to improve. Because of this, I have decided to stop posting new chapters as this story is undergoing a rewrite and I have posted this under the new title. I want to thank everyone who has provided their thoughts and love for the story, you have all truly been an inspiration. If you would like to continue to read the story and check out the changes that I have made, please see it under Redux-Worth Fighting For**


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